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Cathy Meyer

Divorce Support

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Divorce Quote: Beware the Greedy Attorney

Tuesday April 15, 2014

Greedy Divorce Attorney

The only ones getting rich off divorce are divorce lawyers. Some start planning strategies for prolonging your case the moment they read your financial disclosure. If there is money to be fought over it is the lawyer who will end up with most of your marital assets. Use your head when choosing a lawyer to handle your divorce and don't allow your anger at your ex cause you to become a victim of an unscrupulous lawyer.

More About Divorce Lawyers:

Alimony: Looks Like The “Reformers” Need to Reform

Sunday April 13, 2014

Alimony Reform Lies

As pointed out by this article, those pushing for alimony reform in New Jersey aren't letting the facts get in their way while pushing for changes in the state's alimony laws. Something anyone familiar with family law already knew.

Playing fast and loose with the facts keeps contributions coming in and as we all know, money talks. And, at times facts play a small part in the outcome of legislative decisions.

Scary!

Alimony Reform Fabrication:

"Permanent alimony is presumed in all cases and mandated in marriages of greater than 15 years."

Fact:

New Jersey doesn't have a presumption of alimony, there is no such law on record in the state. Alimony is handled on a case-by-case situation.

Alimony Reform Fabrication:

"A modification based on changed circumstances such as loss or reduction of employment or diminished health is impossible to obtain."

Fact:

Give me a break!! Just as with child support, alimony can be modified for change of circumstance. Again, no such law on the books in New Jersey or elsewhere.

However, alimony can't be modified if it is written into the final decree of divorce that it can't be modified. Why would someone sign such a limiting agreement? And if there is such an agreement then it isn't state law that is keeping that person from being able to modify. It is their foolishness for agreeing to that stipulation that is the problem.

For more fabrications and facts click through to the article.

Sexual Anorexia: The Cause of Your Sexless Marriage?

Monday April 7, 2014

sexless marriage

I first heard the term "sexual anorexia" the several months ago while watching "Strange Sex" on the Learning Channel. A show that was equally strange and interesting.

I lived in a sexless marriage so my interest is always piqued when it comes to the subject of sex or an aversion to sex. I think any of us with an average sex drive who have been exposed to a relationship with a person who is asexual will always wonder, "how can that be possible?"

I've written about passive aggressive behavior and the role it can play in a sexless marriage.  I've written about hormonal issues in both men and women and the role that can play in a sexless marriage.  Sexual anorexia is not a disorder I am familiar with and wanted to get more information about.  For my sake and the sake of readers who may be dealing with a sexless marriage.

What did I find out?

After a bit of research I found that sexual anorexia is much like passive aggressive behavior in that it is the avoidance or fear of an intimate connection with another person. The person with sexual anorexia avoids sex at all cost and uses that avoidance as a coping mechanism against past emotional hurts.

The one difference between the sexual anorexic and the passive aggressive who avoids sex is that the sexual anorexic becomes obsessed and uses their avoidance to deal with all stress and frustrations.

The passive aggressive focuses on withholding sex to punish whereas the sexual anorexic avoids sex in order to keep safe in social, emotional, relational and sexual situations.

Sexual anorexia is an obsessive state in which the physical, mental, and emotional task of avoiding sex dominates one's life.  The more the sexual anorexic avoids sexual contact the more powerful and in control they feel.

It only makes sense that feeling powerful due to a lack of sex would cause a person to become obsessed with avoiding sex.  Below are a few characteristics you will find in the sexual anorexic.

All are characteristics that were, more than likely caused by an exposure of the sexual anorexic to social, religious or familial views that negatively supported sexual oppression and repression.

  • A dread of sexual pleasure.
  • A morbid and persistent fear of sexual contact.
  • Obsession and hyper vigilance around sexual matters.
  • Avoidance of anything connected with sex.
  • Preoccupation with others being sexual.
  • Rigid, judgmental attitudes about sexual.
  • Shame and self-loathing over sexual experiences.

The Importance of Emotional Harmony During Divorce

Sunday March 30, 2014

Emotional harmony during divorce

If you are at your optimum emotionally you are in control of your thoughts, feelings and behaviors. You will have good self-esteem and be able to keep any person problems in perspective and deal with them in a healthy manner.

Emotional harmony is extremely important if you are going through a divorce.

The longer you've been married, the more you have acquired and whether or not you have children can play a role in how difficult divorce is for you. Whether you are the spouse wanting the divorce or the spouse who has been left to deal with the shock of an unwanted divorce you will need to take steps to protect yourself emotionally.

Every decision you make during the divorce process will be guided by three things: The divorce laws of your state, your emotional well-being and your spouse's attitude. The only one of these you have any control over is your emotional well-being. The more emotionally fit you are, the more able you will be to protect your legal rights.

How Will Your Divorce Impact Your Health?

Friday March 21, 2014

Divorce and Health Issues

Americans' well-being differs greatly by marital status, according to data from the Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index. Americans who are married have the highest levels of well-being (68.8), while those who are divorced (59.7) and, in particular, those who are separated experience the lowest levels of well-being (55.9).

The fact that divorce often means less health, happiness and prosperity is not news. A study released in 2008 found that divorced folks suffer 20 percent more chronic health conditions, such as heart disease, diabetes or cancer, than individuals who were currently married.

Is it divorce and separation that causes the loss of well-being? Is it the way we deal with divorce and separation? Are we just naturally healthier, happier and more prosperous when married? According to the study a person's marital status does impact their well-being.

Since divorce is inevitable for some, such studies highlight more urgently the need for us to take care of ourselves before, during and after divorce. Based on the fact that divorce impacts our lives negatively below are a few suggestions that will keep you from falling victim to such statistics.

Divorce Quote: "Moving On"

Wednesday March 19, 2014

Moving on after divorce

Divorce may render you feeling stuck and unable to move forward. It will knock you down but, you can and will get back up. The most important lesson I learned about myself via my divorce was how strong I am when faced with adversity. You will learn that same lesson!

Moving on After Divorce:

5 Reasons Second Marriages Fail

Monday March 17, 2014

Why second marriages fail

Past statistics have shown that in the U.S. 67% of second marriages, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. What are the reasons for this increase in divorce with each progressive marriage?

I chose not to remarry. The choice wasn't out of fear of another divorce. I just happened to like being single once given the opportunity to try it on for size. I'll be honest; I don't know why anyone who has gone through a divorce would choose to marry again.

Since folks do remarry and since statistics suggest divorce rates are higher for those who do, it is worth taking a look at why.

1. Baggage:

When people divorce and do not take the opportunity to learn from their divorce they take all their crud and beliefs about relationships into their next marriage. If you were cheated on you may take your dented ability to trust into the new marriage. Hurts, low self-esteem, anger it all needs to be handled beforehand if remarriage is going to have a chance.

2. Commitment Issues:

Urbandictionary.com defines commitment as; "sticking with something long after the mood you have said it in has left you." Some folks don't have the ability to stick with a marriage once the "mood" is no longer there. Any sign of trouble and they bale. Maybe an attribute I would assign to those who have been married four or five times.

3. Consistent Failure:

If you meet someone who has failed in business, has failed familial relationships, is someone who seems to have a losing streak a mile long, you may want to think twice before marrying them. Yes, I understand that some people just have bad look, that it is not a character flaw. BUT, some people are forever victims of "circumstances beyond their control." It's these people who go from one marriage to the next.

4. Rushing into Marriage:

Rebound relationships that end in marriage are less likely to succeed if your relationship last a year or longer before remarriage. Men marry too quickly after a divorce because they don't like being alone. Women remarry too quickly because they desire financial security. Two very bad reasons to rush from one marriage to another.

5. Blending Families:

Step-children, step-mother, step-father, all these roles bring challenges that can be hard to overcome. It takes a lot of work to build a bond and trust is a blended family. Some people aren't up for the challenge; some children aren't interested in building bonds and trust with a step-parent.

Divorce Rates in U.S. Rise Between 1980 and 2008

Sunday March 9, 2014

Rising Divorce Rates

"Using new data from the American Community Survey and controlling for changes in the age composition of the married population, we conclude that there was actually a substantial increase in age-standardized divorce rates between 1990 and 2008. Divorce rates have doubled over the past two decades among persons over age 35." So are the findings from a study done by Sheela Kennedy and Steven Ruggles from the Minnesota Population Center at the University of Minnesota.

The study contradicts findings from the US Census data and other federal sources over the last few decades that concluded divorce rates had peaked in the late 1970s and have been declining.

The good news? "Among the youngest couples, however, divorce rates are stable or declining." In other words, the younger generation is working harder at getting right something us older folks have failed at. They are taking seriously their choice of marital partners and not allowing their heads to be led around by their hearts.  Which will result in a decline of gray divorce and a flattening out of divorce rates. Good news for our grandchildren.

Divorce Quote: No Longer "In Love?"

Wednesday March 5, 2014

Zsa Zsa Gabor Divorce Quote

If you marry with the expectation that you will live the next 50 years with butterflies in your tummy and knees that go weak every time you see him you are setting yourself up for disappointment. The infatuation you feel when the marriage is new will turn into "real love." If, that is, you are grounded and down-to-earth about your expectations of "love."

Real love is a conscious choice that requires use of the rational part of your brain that understands marriage is about showing up, taking your commitment seriously and being willing to redefine what love is as the years pass.

No, You Aren't Going to "Take Him to The Cleaners."

Sunday March 2, 2014

Broke after divorce

If your husband cheats and leaves you for another woman, the courts aren't going to hold him responsible. You aren't going to clean his clock financially. You aren't going to be awarded enough alimony to sit back and live off of him the rest of your life. A husband is not a financial plan, he is a husband and when or, if he gets ready for a divorce assets will be split equitably and you will be expected to come up with a new financial plan of your own.  A plan that doesn't include his money.

I received an email from a woman over the weekend. She was highly upset because her pro bono attorney had failed to represent her properly, meaning she didn't come away from the divorce with most of his salary and all of their marital assets. Granted she would have been awarded some alimony if she had bothered to show up for the divorce court hearing but, she would have gotten far less than she thought she deserved.

Due to no-fault divorce laws anyone can get a divorce, any time they want a divorce.  Due to changes in alimony laws, that is now no longer a sure thing either.

It is for this reason that none of us, a man or woman is safe putting all of our financial eggs in one basket. It is also for this reason that I encourage women not to quite their day job and stay home to raise the children. We no longer live in the 1950s where divorce courts punished spouses for bad behavior. Folks, things have changed and if your marriage ends in divorce, man or woman, you won't be taking your spouse to "the cleaners."

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