From: MistyRose1945

When faced with divorce, what if we pulled our focus inward in terms of what is wrong with us instead of crying from the hilltops that our mate hurt us?

What if we looked long and hard at what we did to get us into the situation instead of shredding the former mate?

What if instead of using words intended to emotionally wound, we used compassion and kindness with our mate even if it isn't returned?

What if instead of fighting to force someone to stay using guilt, threats, manipulation and control, we actually loved them enough to let them go, bless them and work on our own healing?

What if instead of thinking up new ways to get even, to taunt and to emotionally mar, we thought healing thoughts about our former mate whether we're the dumped or the dumpee?

What if instead of stewing on our anger and swallowing our own poison for days on end, we asked for the ability to forgive our former spouse and forgive ourselves?

What if instead of reacting to button pushing, we instead chose to see what was happening is truly a cry for love and understanding from our partner. That doesn't mean you have to go back or take them back but you instead understand and even if only in your mind, have compassion.

What if instead of arguing to be right, we instead sought to understand another has a need to go?

What if instead of wanting misery for our former spouse because they hurt us, we strove to find ourselves in a place where we want nothing but peace and happiness?

Do you know that if you can do these things, you will bring yourself peace and healing?

Relationships are our richest lessons in life. No matter what happens or how much it hurts, we learn and we grow. We should always seek to understand and see our own hand in our undoing. Maybe we were in denial; maybe we were blind due to psychological trauma in our past so we didn't see something bad coming our way. Those thoughts are intended to help you reach understanding, not promote self-loathing. All anyone can do in a situation is all they know how to do. We can claim common decency dictates otherwise or even an idiot would handle things better but that doesn't have anything to do with the fact that someone only does what they know how to do. I think that calls for compassion and forgiveness...and you know what? When you give that, you get it back 10-fold.

So, acknowledge your pain but pull your energy back inside to heal you...do what is best for you and try to minimize the harsh thoughts towards your former mate. If you can do this, you will heal and become whole again so much faster.

Words of wisdom from a member of the Divorce Support Forum.