Do Family Courts Make Conflict Worse?
"To be sure, there is often (but by no means always) anger and bitterness during the breakup of a relationship. But displeasure does not necessarily breed dispute. Why do so many people who were once extraordinarily happy together end up in such deep conflict? The answer may be that the custody laws—not the people—are to blame.
Conflict arises when people believe they are being treated unfairly. And treating people unfairly is the hallmark of the family courts, where judges actually announce that they are not concerned with fairness to parents."
This is a must read for any parent going through a custody battle. Mr. Newdow is correct, "parenthood is a fundamental constitutional right" and there should be laws in place in every state that reflect that right.
Last week I blogged about the change in wording that will soon take place in Florida Custody Laws. A few responded and seemed to feel that changing words used in a court order will help more parents retain their constitutional right to parent their child. I disagree. If that is to happen it is laws that need to change, not just a few words here and there.
All parents should have a right to equally parent a child. For this to happen every state is going to have to adopt laws that give each parent an equal amount of time to parent. Until the norm is 50/50 custody no one's best interest will be served by the Family Court, especially not the child's.
Comments
my 9 yrl old grandson wants to live with his father, not his mother. He has expressed this to his mom. What can we do? My son has given many reasons to the judge why the mother is irresposible, but continues to believe a mother is the better parent. She is not working, & cannot affort her apartment any longer
I know the court system and child custody laws are in place to manage many, but many times the laws are enforced just because they need to follow the law. My ex-husband is an alcoholic, not responsible at all, drives drunk, has family that abuses alcohol and drugs and when I tried to argue the fact that my kids shouldn’t be with him more than a few hours, the custody mediator didn’t want to hear it. He wrote an order for overnight visitation. I worry non-stop when they’re with him which needless to say is not very often. He in no way even follows the order. But yet I need to be the cooperative parent and allow my kids to be subjected to this. Something is not right with our system!
This is nuts: my soon to be ex is into drink, porn and wasn’t a parent when he was mentally inclined. He was abusive physically and verbally. My kids fear and hate him. They want to run away but the court wants to give daddy a chance because he says he’s changed and sits in a church pew every week! The truth is, its about $$ for dear dad. The kids should have the voice and the choice — its their lives. They are not an extendtion nor property of either parent.
I agree with the author. 50/50 should be the standard, then time should be reduced for provable offenses, or increased for provable actions.
My ex wanted to me to move out, and give me every other weekend, so she could maximize her support. I explained to her that it was a proven fact that I was involved in the kids everyday lives. I refused to move out and she came to her senses. I am proud to say I have the kids 42% of the time which is pretty close to 50%. Guess what? We did it ourselves without the courts or FOC, and the kids are infinitely happier.
Praise God!
Isn’t Michael Newdow the idiot who wanted to remove ‘In God We Trust’ from money because he said it violated the separation of church and state? then he said he did it because the words upset his daughter–who later refuted his remarks and said she would have nothing to do with him? We are quoting him???
I must say I never had to worry about sharing custody with my four childrens’ father. When I suggested a 50/50 arrangement with at least the two youngest, he gave me everything including sole custody of the children and no visitation. Now that the girlfriend no longer wants him, he wants back in. Sorry-not a chance. He is an abuse bum that has threaten to kill his kids in the middle of the night right in front of their face. Some people never should have been parents. They know who they are. If you really cared about your kids, you would be involved no matter what.
Funny how every time shared custody comes up, the feminist fanatics trot out their domestic violence accusations. Truth is, Dad is the last to abuse his kids, 62% less than moms.
Many studies have been done, which show that mom is making Domestic Violence complaints falsely, most often to gain an advantage in court. Sad to say it works, in our anti-male courts. Many other studies have shown the remarkable benefits that accrue to children from having their natural fathers in their lives. Most recently, we have seen a federal study, DHHS, which shows that there is a cost to the taxpayer of $100 BILLION for the societal ills of sole mother custody. What REALLY drives the anti-shared custody nonsense, however, are the federal incentive payments to the state and court for colecting and hearing child support cases. Each state gets a percentage (max of 10%)of everything they can collect, and the courts are reimbursed with millions more per year. Making Dad a noncustodial is very lucrative.
For more information, read Dr. Stephen Baskervilles’ book, “TAKEN INTO CUSTODY”.
I tried to protect my children from their dad,and unfortunately the courts didn’t listen to me. CPS had been called number of times on him and it wasn’t until that he almost killed one of the kids that they put him on the child abuse registry. I was involved in a very difficult marriage with mental and physical abuse, but they didn’t listen. He now has visitation only with two of them and the other one doesn’t speak to him at all. He has yet to apologize and the police never took it seriously even after seeing all the bruising all over the child, so if you ask me I don’t believe in the 50/50 custody for everyone it doesn’t work. Every situation is different, and it should be recognized for that. I have to say it has been difficult for all involved and we have found a great therapist who is helping the kids and I. As for the ex, he still says he did no wrong at any point in any of our lives which is truly sad for all.
I can give you all first hand accounts of what it feels like to be persecuted by my X wife. I am the most participating father any child could want and have been treated like a red-headed step child since the divorce was filed. The system is very very bad and the children of great fathers are suffering tremendously. Both parents should start from 50/50 joint physical custody and if there are historical issues (real ones) for either parent then they should be investigated by an independent organization (not the state) to validate what is allegedly being said about the other parent. I have over 10,000 pictures of my two kids since birth and have participated in almost 98% of all of the events they have been involved in. But the X wife has painted the worse picture she could about me and has lied in so many ways it just sickens me. The X violated (3) areas of joint legal custody and got off with a slap on the wrist. She moved our son from one school district to another, he missed 53 half days of school and she moved him in and out of (2) therapists all without consulting with me the father. All are violations of joint legal custody. It is ridiculous the amount of power the state has over the biological parents to raise (THEIR) children. Are single mothers really better to raise the children? Hmm… Is a single Dad really better to raise the children? They both raised the children prior to divorce why should they not do the same after divorce??? Only if there is a compelling evidence (NOT HEAR SAY and MUD SLINGING) should the 50/50 physical custody arrangement be modified. Our son said to the therapist that his mother hit him with a wash cloth which left a bruise under his eye. The state sent a female investigator to our home while I was at work and wrote a horrific report about me. Who was being investigated? If you read the report you would think I was an axe murderer. A the reall kicker is they did not even need to interview me (the father)..hmmm.. Life is not fair, but it is really not fair for the children who have NO voice in the eyes of the court which is terribly corrupt and does not apply the law equally nor do they care too. It is really all about money and division of the parents which feeds the money mongers… when will things change? Not in the forseeable future unless judges are kicked out and everyone TRULY does what is in the best interest of the children NOT the mother or the courts interest … only then will children be free to spend equal time with each parent which is what most of them want.
I always have to laugh when the feminist come in with the abusive husband excuse, before restraining orders were the norm it was child abuse. The truth is if men were such bad parents the government would go in and remove all children from married/cohabiting families, but the real reason is money. Title IVD creates a State incentive to remove fathers from the picture where at least $1 is collected from the federal government for every $3 collected of child extortion from the non-custodial parent.
Also lawyers would lose a great deal of income do to the last combative situation when both parents know that it would be 50/50.
Plus the amount of leeches like the judges, GAL and therapist would be greatly reduced.
In truth, children are safer with their dads and not their mothers from all recent studies.
617-SAD-DADS
I wholeheartedly agree, as a non-custodial mother. I pray this will happen one day soon.
went threw second custody battle with my soon to be 11year old child’s mom that banded her within few months after birth. each and every time court gives mother free passes on any order violations and giving her more time with the child that dont want anything from her. child keeps telling courts she wants it how it use to with out her mother.seems like what ever i do i get less time with my child when she has the best well being with me at home and in so many education/ recreational programs to help her achieve goals in life. seems like California dont even care how they hurt a child mentally even taking child from their nesting place and placing them in danger of another parent.what can i do? hurts so much to see my child go threw this when California courts are screwing up my child life. what is the best thing to do?