Saddleback Civil Forum
Saturday night’s Saddleback Civil Forum left me wanting more. More from John McCain that is.
Pastor Rick Warren asked both candidates to admit to their own greatest moral failure. John McCain said that his greatest moral failure was the “failure of his first marriage.” That was it, nothing more, no explanation of what caused his marriage to fail. No admissions of any responsibility, no truth or candor.
From what I understand the question was ask in an attempt to reveal the candidates personal integrity. To try to elicit whether or not there is any humility in them…a character trait desperately needed by anyone in the office of President of the United States.
I watched CNN after the forum and was surprised that most who commented thought McCain’s response to that question was full of honesty and candor. This morning, Stephen Dinon of the Washington Times said, “McCain, meanwhile, was close to spot-on perfect: He handled his divorce from his first wife briefly, but he addressed it head on, leaving the impression he's done enough soul-searching over that failure to satisfy the harshest critic.”
I can’t agree that McCain’s answer to that particular question was full of honesty or “spot-on perfect.” His short response of “the failure of my first marriage” didn’t in any way convey the man had done a lot of soul searching. He didn’t humble himself by admitting to or taking responsibility for actions by him that caused the failure of his first marriage.
If you are reading this site then more than likely, you’ve had a marriage fail. Does that mean you failed morally just because your marriage failed? McCain’s moral failure was adultery and leaving his wife for another woman. His answer suggests that his moral failure was that his marriage didn’t work out. If what he suggested is true then nearly half the married couples in this country are or will one day be moral failures.
In all honesty, his answer was an innocuous allusion to an immoral action. He is trying to explain his actions toward his first wife in a way that is vague enough to not call attention to him and his behaviors but is specific enough to be viewed by some as an actual answer to the question…whether it is or not.
A failed marriage is not a moral failure. The moral failure occurs when you are unable to or unwilling to take responsibility for the role you played in the failure of your marriage. We are only as good as our greatest failure and if we are not willing to openly and honestly take responsibility for that moral failure then we are still failing morally.
I think this blog post is less about John McCain’s answer to the question and more about the fact that, like McCain people seem to want to beat around the bush instead of get honest. In my line of work, I encounter people who want to blame the other guy or deny they had a role in the failure of their marriage. None of us can be said to be living with integrity and humility if we can’t face and admit to our own mistakes and demons.
I think you are looking for more detail here than is required. From my point of view, McCain’s answer indicated that he accepted full responsibility for the failure of his marriage. He essentially admitted that it was HIS moral failing, HIS fault.
Did Senator Obama say that a TYPICAL BLACK PERSON can’t qualify to be on the supreme court of the US? Justice Thomas grew up in Pinpoint and Savanna Georgia and faced REAL prejudice in his life unlike Barack Obama growing up in multicultural Hawaii and Jakarta with few to no blacks or prejudice against blacks.
I would put up Justice Thomas’ professional and life experiences to Barack’s any day!!!
Justice Thomas could have easily beaten Senator Obama at Saddleback or in any forum/debate!!
I thought that McCain did a great job of answering the question about his first marriage. He did not back down from it and was direct in his response. This American does NOT need to hear the sordid detail’s of that failed first marriage. I have heard enough of the Clinton’s alone over the last 16 years to do me on any federal official’s marriage problems.
Glen, I disagree, I’m not looking for detail. I’m looking for accountability. I think anyone in McCain’s position should be held accountable and willing to give more than a 4 or 5 word statement about past adultery. I don’t see, “the failure of my first marriage” as an admission of anything.
Thanks for commenting!
Since John McCain saw his divorce as a moral failure, he obviously feels he did not take responsibility and that is why he feels it was a failure. I thought his answer was as complet as time allowed. He could have said, “I came back from being a POW with much mental, physical and emotional damage. I had a lot of anger, which is one of the ways I coped with the abuse…to get angry at my abusers. I was hard to live with when I came back. It took me many years to heal. that was a difficult time for both my wife and myself. Much of my thinking was confused and I made some bad choices due to that.” Healing is a process. Healing takes time. Healing requires a healing atmosphere. Remember she thought he was dead and he came home a different many than when he left. It had to be hard for both of them.
I think John McCain could have taken the rest of the program to talk about all this, and while you might have enjoyed him totally disclosing all that he did wrong, I don’t think that was the major issue that needed to be discussed to make a decision for who should be our next president. His answer showed that he is flawed like the rest of us. He is imperfect and made imperfect choices. In my eyes, that makes him more qualified than a man who tries to appear perfect.
“I thought his answer was as complet as time allowed.”
I disagree. He managed to spend guite an amount of time going over what he felt were America’s greatest moral failures. He took 15 seconds to answer the question about his greatest moral failure and 1 minute and 8 seconds talking about the moral failure of our country.
If he had said, “I was unfaithful to my first wife and caused my family enormous pain. I’ve worked through and changed the thought processes that inabled me to act in that way. I’ve sought forgiveness from my first family and will forever regret my actions.” I and quite a lot of other people would be viewing him differently today.
Some reading this will think that I’m trying to make a political statement. That is not the case. This is about adultery and the steps people will go to, to justify adultery and the pain it causes others.
I see in Johm McCain the same thing I see in clients that I’ve worked with…justification for their actions and an inability to take responsibility for their actions.
Cathy, I agree with your viewpoint. I don’t discount all the pain, suffering and anguish that John McCain suffered as a POW. His first wife suffered greatly, too. She was in a horrible accident, and that left her disabled to some extent. Some accounts say that McCain did not want his imperfect wife holding him back — he was a war hero and had high aspirations. He found a rich woman, and pursued her, in spite of the fact that he was still married. Maybe he feels like he was entitled to move on, like so many other men who have these mid-life episodes and betray their wives and family. I feel like McCain gave the least bit of acknowledgement when he answered the question. His answer may have even been suggested by a staff person since they usually get questions ahead of time. McCain doesn’t even know how many homes he owns… He seems to be out of touch with what the rest of us have to go through on a daily basis. For him to think that his first marriage failed and he didn’t really have a part in that doesn’t surprise me.
McCain’s greatest moral failure was not the failure of his mariage. I’ve seen this guy work before. Asked a similat=r question a few months back he answered that he had let hs country down (presumably by getting caught and becoming a POW). The PW answer called for us to defend him. Getting caught did NOT let us down but we felt smpathy that he felt shame over that. It was kind f a manipulative answer in a way. The failure of his marriage…too vague. Why didn’t he keep it short but real by saying Ifailed morally by choices I made that cntributed to the downfall of my first marriage and hurt my first wife so deeply. THAT is ownership.
Amen!!! I think you are so right Cathy. Until Men or Women can take FULL responsibility for the “moral” failure in their marriage, they are not really being honest or humble at all! McCain’s way of beating around the bush, and making his “moral” failure so vague leads me to believe he never really accepted his fault in the failure of his marriage. Nice way to make it sound like it just didn’t work out…
Thanks!
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