People & Relationships

Saddleback Civil Forum

By Cathy Meyer, About.com GuideAugust 17, 2008

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Saturday night’s Saddleback Civil Forum left me wanting more. More from John McCain that is.

Pastor Rick Warren asked both candidates to admit to their own greatest moral failure. John McCain said that his greatest moral failure was the “failure of his first marriage.” That was it, nothing more, no explanation of what caused his marriage to fail. No admissions of any responsibility, no truth or candor.

From what I understand the question was ask in an attempt to reveal the candidates personal integrity. To try to elicit whether or not there is any humility in them…a character trait desperately needed by anyone in the office of President of the United States.

I watched CNN after the forum and was surprised that most who commented thought McCain’s response to that question was full of honesty and candor. This morning, Stephen Dinon of the Washington Times said, “McCain, meanwhile, was close to spot-on perfect: He handled his divorce from his first wife briefly, but he addressed it head on, leaving the impression he's done enough soul-searching over that failure to satisfy the harshest critic.”

I can’t agree that McCain’s answer to that particular question was full of honesty or “spot-on perfect.” His short response of “the failure of my first marriage” didn’t in any way convey the man had done a lot of soul searching. He didn’t humble himself by admitting to or taking responsibility for actions by him that caused the failure of his first marriage.

If you are reading this site then more than likely, you’ve had a marriage fail. Does that mean you failed morally just because your marriage failed? McCain’s moral failure was adultery and leaving his wife for another woman. His answer suggests that his moral failure was that his marriage didn’t work out. If what he suggested is true then nearly half the married couples in this country are or will one day be moral failures.

In all honesty, his answer was an innocuous allusion to an immoral action. He is trying to explain his actions toward his first wife in a way that is vague enough to not call attention to him and his behaviors but is specific enough to be viewed by some as an actual answer to the question…whether it is or not.

A failed marriage is not a moral failure. The moral failure occurs when you are unable to or unwilling to take responsibility for the role you played in the failure of your marriage. We are only as good as our greatest failure and if we are not willing to openly and honestly take responsibility for that moral failure then we are still failing morally.

I think this blog post is less about John McCain’s answer to the question and more about the fact that, like McCain people seem to want to beat around the bush instead of get honest. In my line of work, I encounter people who want to blame the other guy or deny they had a role in the failure of their marriage. None of us can be said to be living with integrity and humility if we can’t face and admit to our own mistakes and demons.