McCain's Adultery
In my last blog post, I expressed my disappointment at what I felt was an inappropriate explanation by McCain regarding the failure of his first marriage.
Josheph Bailey responded to that post and said, “I thought that McCain did a great job of answering the question about his first marriage. He did not back down from it and was direct in his response. This American does NOT need to hear the sordid detail’s of that failed first marriage.”
I don’t need or want to hear the sordid details of McCain’s failed marriage either. What I think is appropriate though is a rational and reasonable explanation. One that is not skewed by whatever irrational beliefs McCain holds that helped him justify his actions toward his first wife and his children from his first marriage.
In a recent interview with McCain CNN’s John King brings up the fact that McCain applied for a marriage license to Cindy before his divorce from his first wife was final and, the couple had dated for a period of nine months while he was still living with his wife.
McCain responded to King by telling him, "It's 30 years ago. I have a happy marriage." If that isn’t backing down I don’t know what is? He sidestepped the subject and blatantly refused to openly discuss the actions he had taken and why he felt those actions were appropriate.
What does his response say about John McCain or anyone else who commits adultery? Is it an indication of a man who can’t take responsibility for his negative behavior? He is a man who is running for president of the U.S. How do we, people he has no emotional connection to put any trust in him to honor his commitment to us if he can’t even come clean about his actions toward his first wife?
As a person who is deciding who she will vote for in November I don’t care if John McCain has a happy marriage now. I care about the man’s belief system, what he feels is right and wrong, moral and immoral. If he feels the failure of his first marriage was his greatest moral failure, I want a clear, concise answer about what he did and what he has done since to make up for that moral failure.
If John McCain felt good about his actions toward his first wife, he would not be sidestepping questions about the subject. I want to know what he was thinking 30 years ago. What beliefs he held back then that helped him justify cheating on his wife and whether or not those beliefs have changed.
This is the way I view it. Thirty years ago, John McCain wanted Cindy. He did whatever he had to do to get Cindy. That included destroying his family. Leaving a wife, someone who had waited for him while he was a POW, had been severely injured in a car accident and was quite dependent on her husband. He broke up the family of his young children because his desire for a woman 17 years his junior was more important than the needs of the woman he was already married to and the needs of his children.
John McCain now wants to be president. We know from his past actions that when McCain wants something he is willing to go about getting it in an immoral way. His refusal to openly answer questions about the failure of his first marriages causes me to question whether his belief system has changed. Does he still believe that it is OK to get what you want in spite of whom you have to hurt in the process?
Then we have Cindy McCain and her own denial about her actions when she dated a married man. Cindy told King that it didn't bother her to be dating a married man because "my husband had been separated. ... You know, six and a half years, it was a long separation."
Hello Cindy! Your husband was a POW. He was not a man who was separated from his wife due to marital problems. He was a POW who came home and joined his wife and family and, according to his first wife promised to care for her and make a life with her. You’ve lived for 30 years lying to yourself to justify becoming involved with a married man and you are now your expect Americans to buy into your justification.
“I think I’ve been a good wife and I’m a good mother and I think that is what he wanted and what he saw in me,” said Cindy McCain.
Am I the only one who cringes at that statement? From all accounts, John McCain had a good wife when he met Cindy McCain. His wife was a good mother. She was no longer young, her car accident had left her with disabilities and she wasn’t the wealthy daughter of a beer distributor. One has to ask was it a good wife and mother McCain sought or a younger wealthier woman who better fit into the agenda he had for his life? And, maybe that is why he continues to sidestep the questions…because he knows that if he gets honest about his actions his “war hero” persona will take a big hit. And, right now he can't afford a hit like that.
I am amazed at how judgmental you are about an action that took place 30 years ago. Do you feel you are the same person you were 30 years ago and think that at every occasion you should display all your dirty laundry? I happen to have a belief system that does not encourage divorce and do all that I can to interdict divorce and prevent divorce, because I know how devistating it is for ALL involved. I do know, however, that if someone has been divorced, and he sees it was wrong, that he should not be judged or condemed for a mistake for the rest of his life. It sounds like you think he has not suffered enough for his decisions. It sounds like you think it is wrong that he and his current wife have worked together to have a happy marriage. His first wife has gone on, works at the whitehouse and has built a good life. Maybe she should also go on TV and tell everyone how unloving she was to John when he returned from Vietnam, how she failed to understand his confusion, and how his anger causeed her to be angry.
Come on! are you such an OBAMA fan that you have hardened your heart to others?
Give me a break. Way to use divorce as a political platform….
I’ve never been divorced nor have I been a pow for 5-6 years, but I’m sure when McCain got back and saw how much he had missed and tried to reassimilate into this culture that deemed his actions and sacrifice as pointless that he was a little messed up.
He admits what he did was a moral failure of his. He makes no excuses. It was 30 years ago and he has shown since that he is a man of principle. We all make mistakes. We all do wrong. It is how we recover from those mistakes that should dictate how we are judged.
Fred,
Be it John McCain or anyone else that plays a role of authority in my life I am going to judge them on past behavior before I opt out for them to have authority in my life.
When you are running for President of the United States or any other office that puts you in a position to make decisions about the welfare of others. You should be judged on past behavior.
Character plays a huge role in how a person deals during stressful times. I don’t think it is wrong of me or anyone else to judge John McCain’s character and how he handled his first marriage before casting a vote for him.
I’m not the same person I was 30 years ago or, even 10 years ago. If I were in John McCain’s position and asked the questions he is asked I wouldn’t sweep how those changes came about under the rug. Anyone who has made true changes in their life would be more than willing to discuss what they have been through and how that experience changed them.
It is not whether or not I think he has suffered for his actions toward his first family. It is about whether or not he takes responsibility for those actions. I’m sorry but, based on his responses when questioned about it I feel he is living in denial of the pain he caused and is more interested in shedding a positive light on himself than coming clean about his past.
I’m not concerned with his marriage today. He seems to have a happy marriage and I applaud him for that. It came at great expense to others and he needs to own that and so far, in my opinion he hasn’t.
So you will know, I’m not an Obama fan. I’ve not decided who I will vote for in December. If Obama had gone through a divorce…been unfaithful to his wife and left his family I would be blogging about that also
“McCain got back and saw how much he had missed and tried to reassimilate into this culture that deemed his actions and sacrifice as pointless that he was a little messed up.”
George, a question for you. Is being “messed up” an excuse for bad behavior? I’ve been through things in my life that messed me up but I managed to hold onto my morals and live up to the high standards I’ve set for myself.
I would think that anyone who had been able to survive all those years as a POW would have more self-control no matter how pointless others thought his sacrifice.
“He makes no excuses.”
No he doesn’t, he avoids the subject and that to me is a sign of someone who has not worked through past actions that he is ashamed of. Be it 30 years ago or yesterday.
I’m a veteran and I feel McCain’s behavior towards his wife is totally without honor and morality. If McCain at some point decided he no longer wanted to be with his wife, he should have ended the marriage before finding a replacement.
McCain’s behavior leads me to wonder if he was tortured in Vietnam; or did he once again take the easy way out, and collaborated with the enemy.
How any of you can believe you are moral or pure enough to judge anyone, when you haven’t walked in their shoes is beyond my comprehension. Who put you in charge of the moral police ? You have no idea of the mental and physical torture John endured. You have no idea what family dynamic he found when he returned. What did his wife do for the 5.5 years he was captured ? People can change over time certainly when being apart for 5.5 years. Trying to second guess any motives at this late date and assigning guilt now, is frankly, stupid. His 1st wife works within the Gov’t in DC and has been taken care of. Get off your high horse. Maybe you can vent your anger and moral indignation at some one who needs to be brought down, Bill Clinton. Or try John Edwards on for size.
John McCain is a selfish, egotistical, self-serving gold digger. I cannot imagine how scared his first set of children were upon learning that “daddy” whom they had all waited and prayed for (to come home)was divorcing their mother. where was his conscious? It may have been 30 or 50 years aog, or just yesterday. Is time his justification?. This “maverick” who represents himself in such sterling fashion is nothing but a deceitful, disguisting, pathetic and remorseless gold digger. I think that voters should know him for what he is.
“Cathy forgets one “extra” piece of info.” “McCain tried to commit suicide while a POW.” “The only reason why he failed is because a jail guard stopped him. “On Rick Warrens’ townhall debate, McCain described his being a “Christian” as “saved” and “forgiven”
“You try to commit suicide,commit adultery while you are still married, and applied for a marriage licence “before” your divorce was final with your first wife?” “You can’t be saved and forgiven of the Lord of this act, unless you “first ask forgiveness” of the person you sinned against. “Thirty years in the past and being a POW is no excuse to justify abominable behavior. According to the Word of God, if McCain does not attempt to ask forgiveness from his first wife, the Lord will not forgive him.”
Allen,
We, the citizens of this country, are all the moral police when it comes to this presidential election. John McCain is running for office to be elected to represent us, me, you, everyone. We have every right to question all aspects of who this man is and where he stands with the issues that we are dealing with. His character comes into question, just as any candidate’s would, because he has chosen to apply for the job. And we are the ones who have the obligation to choose the best candidate. He put himself into this position of being scrutinized. We are not scrutinizing Clinton or Edwards right now, because they are not currently running for the office of president. He’s not privileged. And this decision he made, 30 years ago, speaks volumes to the pattern of his horrid attitude towards women. “Women are to be used, mistreated, and disposable.”
His mental and physical torture does not give him the right to treat any other human being without respect.
If you think his only affair was with Cindy Hensley, then you are sadly mistaken. And he admitted to it openly!! Look it up.
You had better believe I have the right to judge the moral character of the man who might be President, and he put himslelf in that postition to be judged.
Republicans had a field day with Bill Clinton’s infidelity, so now the show is on the other foot.
He has also been accused of cheating on Cindy McCain, but that all got swept under the carpet. It is amzing what have 70 million dollars at your disposal can do!
Cana man with no self-control be trusted to
control the armed forces of a nation?
I’m voting for Chuck Baldwin.
I agree that a President of the United States should be beyond reproach. This should be a role model for our children. We may not have a vote when it comes to our athletes, but we do when it comes to our President. I’m not voting for an adulterer. And it’s not like I’m free from past mistakes, either. I’ve made some bad ones, and have repented, and yet I still recognize that I will probably never run for political office due to the mistakes I made 14 years ago, no matter how appealing it is to me. Society is better off with untarnished leaders. Forgive me if I’m hoping for too much. My best bet is Chuck Baldwin.
I agree with Fred and Allen! What Sen. McCain did 30 years ago is history. Like you guys said, he’s admited it was a moral failure and contrary to some’s beliefs, NONE of us are perfect! We are all human and prone to failure! I would much rather have a man as Commander and Chief who is willing to make himself vulnerable by admitting past mistakes rather than an obvious “snake in the grass” who wants us to think he can make everything better as of January 21, 2009! Furthermore, I’m much more interested in knowing how a candidate stands on issues…REAL issues that face my generation! Like: Is Social Security going to exist when I’m ready to retire? Health Care Reform? Energy resources? Gas prices? Heck, the price of everything!
Not him talking about a failed marriage that took place before I was born!
It sounds to me like Cathy might harbor ill feelings toward an ex-lover, husband, boyfriend, whatever, that jilted her for a younger version. If she’s so bitter (which obviously she is from her blog)
….no wonder she was jilted!
Cathy,
I’m sorry you felt the need to use a divorce support forum as a platform to trash John McCain. Next time I Google “Divorce Support” I’ll be sure to exclude about.com results.
Grow up. Your judgement of other peoples lives is just that. This is someone elses life and it’s personal. He had an affair like that’s new. I can tell you a lot of people who have had an affair…divorce, what of it….it happens.
McCain is running for president. Ethical questions allow us to get a glimpse of how he might think on other important issues. He shouldn’t be dodging, or sugarcoating, answers to this question. All he has to say is that he committed adultery, and that it was wrong. I am a social conservative, but have always respected him. I now respect him somewhat less and wish he could show more honesty.
I have just separated from my hisband of 25 years because of his adultery and his addiciton to pornography. I think that we have developed into a society that is very accepting of adultery. Basically if your husband screws aroung on you, only your immediate family will realy care.
I think it is a societal problem and that we as a society pay a hugh price. If you think about adultery as a family problem and recognize that parents have an obligation to model acceptable behavior for their children, look around and you will see so many families where adultery occurs in every generation. Men teach their sons to lie, be unfaithful and to leave if the price is to high. We pay a hugh price for the fatherless families in every generation.
No kidding– my husband told me last week that it is a good think that our children have me for a role model. He said that it is a good thing that they take after me. Like he can just drop his responsibility to be a good role model and it won’t matter.
Somebody once said “If you can’t trust them in the bedroom you can’t trust them in the boardroom.”
The willingness to lie is a character flaw. I always tell my kids that when you feel a lie starting to come out of your mouth you need to STOP and think. Because you are probably doing something that you shouldn’t be doing.
guys even though this did happen 30 years ago it still hapened. He or us cant forget the facts, he did a wrong thing.Only reason why hes appologizing is to pave the way to be a no good president. how do we kno he wont get bored of cindy and go to sarah palin. Nothing is for sure, we cant trust him because his background is a lie. Theres way too many scandals going on with palin and mccain, we want a reliable president that can help us succeed our goal and the best man for that is obama. im pretty sure if mccain is president hell do what bush is doing, corrupting our great nation. Mccain is bushs foreshadow.
Some should not forget that it is the American people who are looking over the job qualifications of McCain. Regardless of how old and how tired something may be, he must answer to his record to all of our benefit not always to his. He certainly has no problem high-lighting his heroic war record over and over and that was how many years ago? We do have other great war hero’s, McCain was not alone and I assure you they too loved and still love this Country if they are alive.
Thank you for posting this information. I find it wholly contemptible that the same people who rebuked Clinton for many years while IN office and IN power do not hold their OWN candidate to this same seemingly arbitrary “moral” compass.
Let Lying Dogs Sleep must be their mantra. I for one find it nauseating that republicans can claim virtue for their vices and vices in others’ virtues.
If John McCain runs on a moral platform then his past moral performance is an issue. Not to mention his ties with a certain young blond lobbyist last year.
You can not preach morality to get votes and yet not follow the basic conventions of marriage. Either be clear that you do not care about fidelity in marriage or you do.
If I am judging who I will vote for to be president their true ethics and not their public preceived ethics are important to me.
It is difficult for us to second guess all that McCain was going through. But some one facts is beyond any denial:
He was married and cheated on his wife
He is an adulterer plain and simple.
The question of whether this is an important fact in some one voting for McCain or not is a completely separate issue.
The question of whether Cindy was very attractive and rich is also secondary.
The question of how his wife and children felt is also a different issue.
That it happened 30 years ago is also another unrelated issue.
That his wife may not have met his needs and that she had been crippled in a car accident and need help is also a different issue.
Whether he would make a better president than some other guy is also a separate issue.
The fact remains that John McCain is an adulterer – he CHEATED ON HIS WIFE.
This is not democratic or republican – it is breaking one of God’s ten commandments.
Republicans made such a huge deal about recent Democratic Presidential Candidate John Edwards affair.
Fox News for example stated his affair demonstrates poor character and how could anyone vote for him as President.
But when asked about McCain’s year long affair with a girl 20 years younger than him, a girl in her young 20’s, while McCain was married to his first wife of 15 years which they had three kids, Fox News and Republicans said it was ok because it happened 30 years ago and he was in a POW camp for 5 years. This is terrible.
I agree what Edwards did was wrong, reflects poor character and he should not be elected president.
But the same goes with McCain. It doesn’t matter when he did it. Being a POV is no excuse for this behavior. That is a slap in the face to our service men and women, and women in general.
Obama and Biden have solid family and moral values that demonstrates the character needed to be president, just as Fox and Republicans discuss. This is not a conservative or liberal concept by the way.
I have now decided Obama will get my vote.
Here is the video link for what I discussed above:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3TywWtlK1hs
Thank you, Cathy! Why isn’t this fringe-of-the-news story out there for the voters to judge the honor of this man. Why won’t the pundits talk about it?
I was bitter at thirteen when I caught my “boyfriend” holding hands with another girl. I cried and cried. How could he like me and hold hands with another girl? My mother tried to comfort me by telling me that all men were “dogs”…that my own father (her husband whom she loved) had brought his “other woman” with him to maternity hospital when I was born. It broke her heart and my heart broke for her. My heart breaks for every woman that’s been cheated on, dumped for a prettier face, abandoned and deserted, lied to, tricked and deceived, and otherwise abused. To this day, I have no faith in men to be faithful. Ok, so I have an axe to grind. Now, let’s get to it. It’s a little known fact that McCain purloined his first wife (Cathy) from his navy buddy Alasdair Swanson for whom Cathy’d borne two sons. Later, McCain threw Cathy over for Cindy Hensley, a spoiled blonde beer heiress who fell for his lies, knowing he had a crippled wife at home. Cindy McCain should be scorned as well. She shouldn’t be given a pass because she was young and foolish. (It wasn’t anything new–after all, didn’t HER father dump his first wife and child for Cindy’s mother?) Now, the rejected and dejected Cathy says she bears John McCain no ill-will. Maybe that’s guilt talking…what goes around, comes around, after all…but I’d throw my public support behind Obama’s candidacy as fiercely as my injured body would let me. I’d be the woman scorned like no other. I’d campaign on Obama’s behalf while telling my story to the masses. I’d appear on television, radio, print! I’d take out a full page ad in the New York Times (they’d give me the page free) and tell every dirty little thing McCain ever did to me. I’d make a noise so loud, I’d bring down the integrity-image John McCain has crafted out of lies and thin air like a house of cards!
What the hell?? You people are trying to justify a persons adultrey. This is never justified under any conditions. He is a piece of shit trying to justify his actions. The bible does not make any exceptions. An adulterer is an adulterer. he is amoral and dishonest. Why can’t everyone see that??? He will act in an unhonrable and dishonest way in all he does.
Give me a break. An adultery is an adultery. You can say what you want ,but he is dishonest and a promise breaker. We do not need that for a president. It would be refreshing for a chnage to have an honest man in charge. What the hell??
Cathy,
I’m hoping you’ll be voting in November, not December – it’ll be too late by then
If the character of the president is based on infidelity – then so be it. For some people, it’s a matter of their political party, for others – the stance on environmental issues, economics, etc. Whatever makes or breaks a candidate, so be it.
I am glad that Hillary didn’t get the nomination. Her standing by her dog of a husband flies in the face of everything I believe a marriage should be. They haven’t divorced simply because it would make her look bad politically – and having Bill “I can’t keep it in my pants” Clinton, smiling and shaking hands makes me want to vomit.
RE: McCain’s moral failures being “long time ago”:
1) It wasn’t that long ago he called the religious right “agents of intolerance.” Now he picks Palin to get their vote, and embraces them with both hands.
2) He RECENTLY hired the same man who defamed him in the 2000 SC primary (spreading false rumors about McCain fathering a black child) to run Palin’s campaign. The McCain of 2000 would have GUTTED this guy rather than hire him:
Former officials of Sen. John McCain’s 2000 campaign expressed shock and disbelief Monday to learn than the GOP presidential nominee had hired South Carolina political consultant Tucker Eskew.
Eskew, along with Warren Tompkins and Neal Rhodes, were key members of then-Gov. George W. Bush’s South Carolina team during the 2000 primaries. McCain and his team long held Bush, Tompkins, Rhodes and Eskew responsible for the various smears against McCain and his family in the Palmetto state during that contentious contest.
Eskew was brought on board the McCain campaign, it was announced Monday, to help prepare Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin for her role as McCain running mate. Eskew will help Palin prepare for her Wednesday night acceptance speech at the GOP convention and for her stump speech as she hits the road, brief her on policy matters, and help her handle the media scrutiny a lifetime in Alaska does not necessarily prepare one for.
http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalpunch/2008/09/mccain-hires-go.html
3) Leaving his faithful wife for Cindy, interfering with regulators looking at Lincoln Savings, even if occurred 30 years ago, just shows that McCain, despite the subterfuge of the “straight talk express” has and continues to be willing to compromise his principles and beliefs for a “better ride.”
Allen, I find your implication that the first Mrs. McCain might have done something to get herself divorced is despicable. What she did was to wait and pray for her husband’s safe return and, too bad for her, get herself injured in an accident. No more trophy wife. Bye, bye, Cathy. The man has no standard that he won’t compromise to get what he wants.
Cathy Meyer gets it. John McCain, by doing this only cares about one person, himself. No way I could vote for the man after these actions.
Cudos to you! Finally someone who will speak up about these issues. I have wondered for a while how it is that republican nominees seem to escape the scathing microscope while democrats are really grilled. Honestly, it really doesn’t matter in the end because men like this do believe that the end justifies the means….what is sad to me is that neither of the McCains seem to mind that the happiness they have “built” is built upon the rubble of destruction in someone elses life.
This would be the same John McCain whose first wife endorses his candidacy for the POTUS? This is a self-help forum for people experiencing a very painful life experience, not a political forum, or was I mistaken? Just wondering.
I agree. It is not necessarily about the divorce, it is how he went about it. If you are dishonest with your family, you can sure be dishonest with the rest of the country. I do not think that we can take anymore dishonest intentions from the white house right now. We need change. We need Obama!
Cathy – if your voting in December it won’t make a difference “who” you are for – every American of voting age should be well aware that we vote in November.
“As a person who is deciding who she will vote for in November”
The above quote is from the blog post. I’m not sure where you read that I would be voting in December but, it wasn’t in this post.
As it turns out, I won’t be voting in November. I took advantage of early voting and cast my vote in October.
30 years ago McCain was 40+, not 18+…old enough to have maturity in regards to his marriage. There is not much changing to our characteristics after a certain age. A person’s past is very reflecting of how they are now and how they will be in the future. Whenever we make decisions, we need to be held accountable and be ready to present to others the purpose for our decision.
As a husband, if McCain could not be the pillar to rule and hold his family together during the challenging times, I consider that we are very fortunate we have not selected him as our country’s leader.
This is why I did not vote for McCain – any man that could walk out on his family is unfit to serve as President. I wrote a letter to the RNC well before the elections stating that McCain, Giuliani and Gingrich were all notorious adulterers, and I could support none of these men. What has the Republican party come to?
He does have PTSD and I know nwhat that does to a person and their marrage. I also have PTSD Mr. Mcain is right in not answering. But He could have been more polite and tactful. It is because of his PTSD that I couldnot vote for him.