1. People & Relationships
Cathy Meyer

When Women Abuse Men

By February 16, 2009

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Is domestic abuse against men a non-issue?

There is an interesting discussion about domestic abuse against men going on over at Lain Dale's blog.

Most reported cases of domestic abuse are abuse against women. Does the fact that more women are abused by men make the abuse of men irrelevant? In my opinion...no.

According to one person who commented..."This supposed 'abuse' - of men by women - is really a right-wing, anti-feminist distraction from what should be our main goal of eliminating domestic violence which in 99% of cases is men abusing women. Too many women fear to speak out against abuse from their partners as it stands. The promotion of this contrived 'violence on men inflicted by women' is only going to exacerbate that problem."

That is quite a skewed view on the subject. What about all the men who fear speaking out? Men who are embarrased. After-all aren't men supposed to be the stronger sex? Or, how about the fact that men who are abused have fewer outlets to use when trying to escape abusive relaitonships. The country is full of shelters for women who are abused. Good luck finding one for men who are abused.

Women may be on the receiving end of abuse more often than men but that doesn't make abuse toward men by women any less important. As Lain said, "all abuse should be of concern."

Related Content:
Women more likely to be perpetrators of abuse as well as victims.
ASSAULTS BY WOMEN ON THEIR SPOUSES OR MALE PARTNERS
National Family Violence Legislative Resource Center

Comments
February 17, 2009 at 9:56 pm
(1) catowned says:

I’m sure that a man could easily be abused by his wife. A wife wouldn’t have to be physically stronger than the husband. She would only have to be willing to use violence against the husband. She could use a weapon and/or attack him while his back is turned or wait until he’s asleep. I would certainly be nervous or afraid of someone weaker than me if I knew they would be willing to attack me with a knife or hit me with something heavy, or threaten me with a gun. The idea that someone is willing to commit violence is the scary part, because they surely can find a way to do it.

February 20, 2009 at 3:53 am
(2) shatteredmen says:

Well Cathy, I for one came to this because you asked why we did not respond to this entry.

You state “Most reported cases of domestic abuse are abuse against women” Actually, I am not sure that is true. You see, as the director of Shattered Men, I have talked to a man who is totally blind. His ex said he was in an auto accident. One problem…there was no police report or any indication of an accident other then a blow to the side of his head which left him blind. His ex was never charged. I know of dozens upon dozens of other men who reported abuse by their wife but seldom was a report even taken. Most were laughed at or told, if you are the man of the house, they should do something about it. Yea right! The moment they try, they would be arrested and in fact many men are arrested although they are the only one abused. This is because of the VAWA!

http://www.shatterdmen.com/pagetwo.htm

One example, men are told that if an argument gets heated, they should walk away and cool off. Many have tried this only to find the exit blocked. If he no matter how gentle he is, tries to move her out of the way, he can be arrested for assault (and often is) If he blocks her exit, he is also arrested because of unlawful confinement. Cathy, why the double standards? Why is it that no matter what side the man is on, he is the one arrested? Could we find out if we follow the money? VAWA is a multibillion dollar program for women only. It does not provide one dime to help men and in fact, radical feminist wrote this law and they were the only ones invited to the table. Would this not be like writing a racial relations law and inviting only the KKK to give advice on it?

February 20, 2009 at 3:57 am
(3) shatteredmen says:

Who do you think made this statement?

It may surprise you when you find out.

“In my house, being raised with a sister and three brothers, there
was an absolute Ė it was a nuclear sanction, if under any
circumstances, for any reason, no matter how justified, even self-
defense Ė if you ever touched your sister, not figuratively,
literally. My sister, who is my best friend, my campaign manager, my
confidante, grew up with absolute impunity in our household. And I
have the bruises to prove it. I mean that sincerely. I am not
exaggerating when I say that.”
“And I have the bruises to prove it.”

The author? None other then Vice President Joe Biden…the originator of
the Violence Against Women Act. Umm wouldn’t ya think he would
know better then most that women can be violent too???

http://www.shatterdmen.com/VAWA%20too.htm

February 21, 2009 at 10:43 am
(4) Patriotdad says:

Ms. Meyers,
You wrote: “Women may be on the receiving end of abuse more often than men”

Actually, if you did your in depth research, using only government websites, you would need to modify that to say “Women are less on the receiving end of abuse than men”.

Further, if you take the extreme anti-male bias as openly admitted by nearly all who take part in our current family policy in social services and the courts, one can logically infer that the abuse of men by women prob

March 10, 2009 at 7:06 am
(5) heather thompson says:

well cathy when women abuse men they noramally have a problem with their husband and that leads women to abuse men and men do the same thing to women also.

June 9, 2009 at 11:09 am
(6) Shamed says:

Sad to say, but I have abused a boyfriend several times. Jumped on him, choked him, slapped him screamed in his face, wrestled him and the look in his eyes was such pain, and scared of me. And he never even attemped to stop me, but he has warned me several times to stop. Last night I hysterically screamed in his face and he put his hands around my neck. I immediately calmed down it scared me. Then I sat there staring at him for a long time and I looked into his eyes and said if you ever put your hands on me again I will kill you in your sleep….but I will wake you up first! He scooted back from me….and we have not said a word to eachother since then. I feel like I have pushed a good kind person to violence because of my hysteria ( my sister has told me about my mother doing this to my father, that sometimes she was so evil and off the hook that she was happy my mom got slapped, but still felt bad and confused)

November 9, 2009 at 9:52 pm
(7) A father says:

My 38-year old son is being beaten by his wife. She has kicked him and beaten him with her fists. He will not fight back. The reasons for that are complex. First, he has been decidedly non-violent for his entire life. Simply put, he is a kind, gentle person. But he also fears that if he defends himself, he will wind up being accused of being the abuser. He is the father of a 2-year old daughter whom he loves dearly. He fears for the two of them. He has no idea where to turn.

November 17, 2009 at 12:39 am
(8) Chris says:

A lot of what has been termed as abuse in this thread seems to be referring to physical abuse.
In the home and the office I have seen more vicious psychological attacks on men by women than the other way around. Where I work there is over 80% female staff, yet EEO publications still state that woman must be given equal opportunity??

November 23, 2009 at 2:04 am
(9) rob says:

being a victim of this behavior i can tell you it is a nightmare,i had the most admirable genuine intentions,i gave my heart and soul,was a sucessfull businessman,gave of my resources and that of my company to help family members,was supportive if her talents,goals,dreams and ambitions.for this i was treated with sarcasimm,resentment,jealousy emotional mental and even physical torment,it defied reason,she had pms so bad it was intolerable i did everything i could to try and get her help only to be met with even more cruelty,her capacity to see me suffer was just bottomless,i was paraylized with pain and hurt to the point that i no longer saw any reason to continue living had it not been for the fact that she would have been happy to see my demise and i would miss seeing her make believe she was devistated at my wake,i probably may have done a verry stupid thing,i was always hopefull that one day she would realize her behavior was so obviously evil that she would stop but it got even worse,i consider myself a sensetive loving caring person with a huge gift for affection and love,i was generous with no strings,i really got joy from being able to help those in her family from the goodness of my heart,i ended up in the worse possible place for someone with my qualities,she destroyed,or i should say i allowed her to destroy so much of who i once was,why would anyone so coldly expend thier energies to do this to another person,let alone one who was like i was,supposidly her husband,the sarcasim alone was so hurtfull,she could fall asleep in 5 minutes with no problem,no sence of guilt of remorse what so ever,had i been a woman this story would have a much different significance but we are viewed as weak and sad little pathetic people who are told to buck up and deal with it! i am a big strong guy with a verry muscular stature,nothing like you would expect,i was just blessed with a loving sensetive nature,and a desire to respect care and be supportive to the one i love,for this i was punished abused and thrown away like a useless worthless being who’s usefulness had expired! in spite of all of it ,i will remain as i am and cherish the day someone comes who will consider what i am a blessing and a gift!

December 21, 2009 at 7:40 pm
(10) kris says:

Rob-i feel the same way. ihave an ex boyfriend who was abised by his deceaed wife and I pay for the anger and resentment he has. Towards her antics. She has spit on him, choken him, screams at him and he put up withit all. But if I merely tell him I’m not happy with something-he throws me out. Its like he accepts abuse-but not love and communication.

December 23, 2009 at 10:08 pm
(11) Mike says:

“This supposed ‘abuse’ – of men by women – is really a right-wing, anti-feminist distraction from what should be our main goal of eliminating domestic violence which in 99% of cases is men abusing women. Too many women fear to speak out against abuse from their partners as it stands. The promotion of this contrived ‘violence on men inflicted by women’ is only going to exacerbate that problem.”

That’s a very worrying sentiment, although I can’t say I’m terribly surprised by it. As a man who has been both in a physically abusive relationship and sexually assaulted a number of times, it’s very saddening to see that abuse dismissed and trivialized.

I can assure the person who made that comment that my abusive girlfriend wasn’t part of some right-wing, anti-woman plot. She was a declared feminist who volunteered at our local battered women shelter. The compartmentalization some people are capable of is staggering.

“Which in 99% of cases…” Damn it, it’s not a contest! If it were, I would be the first to admit that women “win.” Women are at severe disadvantages in our society, but that doesn’t excuse them putting a cigarette out on their mate’s arm.

December 30, 2009 at 11:15 am
(12) Jonathan says:

As a person being abused by a woman in a relationship. It is very embarrasing. There isn’t physical abuse at all. It is 100% verbal abuse.

At this point my self confidence is at a 0 and bringing it up to someone will only make it worse. Why? Because as they say, I’m supposed to be the stronger of the sexes. Take away my firefighting, skydiving, and everything else that I do that is extreme and you’ll find that my feelings get hurt just as much.

January 4, 2010 at 8:53 pm
(13) Thom says:

First of all, if a man doesn’t fight back when a woman is hitting him, a man can indeed be hurt. Men are often stronger than women so if both are throwing punches obviously the male would probably do more damage in many cases, but NOT ALL cases. There are also some exceptions to the rule where the woman may indeed be stronger, etc. In addition if a weapon is used, etc. anyone can be hurt regardless of strength differences.

I have a friend whose wife is much more athletic, etc. They don’t have a violent relationship to my nature but I think I can safely say she could take him if they ever did get into it.

I do not advocate violence to women and any man who initates violence to a woman is a slimeball. However, if a woman starts and continues to pound him, he has a right to defend himself. For those who disagree, women need to be held accountable for their actions as well and if you start attacking someone bigger and stronger than you, then that is stupidity on your part.

Violence is wrong and gender neutral and the police and legal system need to grow up and realize it occurs both ways.

January 18, 2010 at 12:27 am
(14) 87 heartbreaks.... says:

…first time i have ever heard of ‘shattered men’ i will have to check them out. can totally sympathize with Rob….been trying to stay strong myself through twenty eight years these types of relationship problems……far too late into my marriage i learned of the effects of her childhood drinking, and secret incest behaviors.
…and when i did begin to learn why she was doing what she was, and tried to help her get better, she only became more angry and denying of what i could see right with my own eyes….When is it alright for your brother in law the sherrif of the county even, to fondle his (pregnant with my child) sister breasts???? and right in front of me blatantly?????

This is the major first strange behavior that started me wondering what the hell is wrong, so many years ago. The more i’ve learned and studied to help, the worse she can deny and make the problem more intense….no doubt i am severy codependent……

she has had several illicit affairs behind my back that i have found out about, and i wonder how many i haven’t….

i calculate that i have been stupid enough to endure her repeated drunken relapses more that 87 times over that past twenty years, each time she behaves as the abuser, and then she’ll cry and behave like the victim, almost like two different people…..

she comes from a family of nine brothers and sisters, each who are now adult alcoholic, and each who have been involved in the childhood incest/older brothers abusing much younger sisters….

two of the sister who have threatened to kill me if i ever speak of what i have learned the hard way with my wife. Sisters, and a brother(ex sheriff) who are still or have connections as local county government employees.

My children are now adult age, and have begun to understand better why their mother continues to behave like she does, and why a divorce is emminant….its been heartbreaking to them so many times as well.

Its as if my wife can forget each previous episode and do it all again and again….

Most recently she was on a two day drunk, we didn’t know where she was, looking everywhere, until we followed a direction from one of her not nice sisters, and found my wife naked with her cousin, in his bedroom, he was drunk too, …and she tries to swear to me that they weren’t having sex…..

man have i been stupid…..

87heartbreaks…

January 20, 2010 at 4:53 pm
(15) Chris says:

I am very thankful for this open forum. I have been scouring the net for some sort of support as a man in an abusive relationship. I am experiencing intense verbal abuse (Apparently I am a “sperm donor” not a husband) & escalating physical abuse. To all of you out there who think a woman could not hurt a man physically, think again. My 105 lb. ball of fire for a wife did a number on me. All to try antagonize me in hopes I would hit her, so I could be arrested, will never happen. I have been married almost 9 years, and here I sit today at work with bruises on my arms & legs, and bite marks in my neck from her eruption last night. I endure this because I want to be with my children, and will not set the example to my sons that a man can hit a woman. Don’t get me wrong I didn’t go into a fetal position and let her lump me, but I took my lumps, got my clothing for the night and removed myself from the situation for the night hoping that today things will be more calm and civil. Half of me says I should have called the cops, or at least go home with a police escort, but I do not want to harm the future ability of my children to see me or her (she is a great mom, we have just become like oil & water together) I pray for all us men who feel belittled, embarrassed, honestly scared & physically and mentally hurt that our legal system wake up and see that when a man calls for a domestic dispute he is not necessarily trying to be the first one to call, he is being HURT and because he will not fight back should not allow for the problem to perpetuate!

February 28, 2010 at 10:46 am
(16) Will says:

Bravo zskat(16)! You obviously a very sanctimonious kind of person, with the obvious and total lack of life experience. I guess that is what forums are for, you don’t need to know where the bell are hanging to hear it ring. Let me not talk about you, I dont think this site is intended for people to get personal with each other, but i would like you to consider if you not directing your anger in the wrong direction? Chis, you sitting on a time bomb. I’ve been there and still trying to shake the aftershock. The best advise i can give you is to start a diary. The next step is to get help! GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ONE. If you still have your family, thats a good place to start(brothers, sisters).

March 7, 2010 at 4:22 pm
(17) zskat says:

well excuse me, Will (16) I was making a point toward Chris who was acting as though he was taking the right initiative to the problem, when in fact he was only fueling the flames. What angered me was he claims to be setting an example for his sons that violence should never be a resort, yet he is basically advising them that because they are male, they should take the violence. And btw, Will, i doubt you’d be making those comments toward me if the case was a female being abused by a male, it seems you too are a follower of not resorting to violence and just accepting it because of your bullsh** matriarchal approach to life. God help you.

March 8, 2010 at 3:03 pm
(18) Qbert567 says:

Men accepting domestic abuse is exactly what happens in a matriarchal society. Men won’t even lift a finger to defend themselves because the law is against them.

March 14, 2010 at 1:08 pm
(19) Brian Fortune says:

The reality is that women do abuse men. Abuse as we all knows does not have to be physical. There are thousands of men ( not normally mentioned or blogged) and indeed women being abused by there wives, girlfriend, husbands, boyfriends by there other half because the inflicter of this emotional torture probably has a personality disorder. I am urging here that any male reading this goes immediatly to shrink4men website for enlightenment. Be careful out there.

April 21, 2010 at 9:35 pm
(20) Mushu says:

DOWN WITH MATRIARCHY! That’s what’s destroying society–society glorifies misandry and views men as dispensable

September 10, 2010 at 1:11 pm
(21) jason says:

I have been abused by my spouse on every level for almost a decade. I am a career military officer and stood paralyzed in fear that if I ever defended myself or my children I would go to jail, lose my career, or worse my children . In fact 4 years ago after she wailed on me she called the police and put a Protective Order on me forcing me from my home and children. It took almost a year but she begged her way back after spending everything we had.
Finally, this past year she had an episode abusing the children and I that I was able to tape. Without knowledge of the tape she tried again to alledge abuse against me and filed for divorce to encourage her victim status. I produced the tape and currently have sole custody of my children. Although the judge ruled the allegations on her part were false she was not reprimanded in any way for nearly ruining me falsely a second time. Subsequently, she was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Alcohol Abuse. No one will ever convince me that these HORRIBLE heartless abusers don’t exist. I lived it and so did my children.

October 18, 2010 at 8:15 pm
(22) sadia says:

i find it not so funny that men are always looked at as the bad guy, especially when he snaps and kills someone; after he has gone through so much hell with a woman; including the woman having sex with another man while carrying her suppose to be mate not once or twice ;but a few times.Then she tells him about it, what do you call aprson like that

October 22, 2010 at 7:12 am
(23) andy bedard says:

yes i am a 48 year man who lost a beautifull wife 14 years ago 3 months after the death of my wife this beautifull girl asked me out only to find out she was a waco.I live in a small town and tried everything to make her happy putting up with her constent abuse I myself was brought up to just walk away but she would always come back for more i believe she was bypolar .Problem is the human body can only put up with so much abuse and everytime i tried to defend myself she would cry abuse that is when i found out when women cry abuse the world stops !! after doing some reserch on this i am finding it more an more common (women abusing men) anyway after finnaly getting the balls to tell her to leave me alone and stay away she retalyated with a police delivered (extemly frabricated restaining order) how embarising when i questioned this to a person at the court house they replied give it up suck it up and deal with it you arer not going to win you have no rites when it comes to this that girl can lie all she wants about you to that judge and you are screwed she can call and say you are bothering her when you are not.Worst of all they expained they have womens advocates groups out there that hate men rite or wrong you are the abuser.So now i have learned to stay away from women unfortunaly (women abusing men in the old days there was not much of it or at least it was more hidden now is a bad situation and very common and men have no where to turn.scary and sad

November 2, 2010 at 9:33 pm
(24) Frag says:

I haven’t even attempted to read all of the comments on this page, but I did read enough to see how gender biased it is out there, just as it was in the military. To the people who think that “abuse” is only physical; grow up. Women are perpetrators also. Don’t comment on here like you know all there is to know just because you’ve got a “friend” who was or you were beaten yourself. Just as the last commentor I read mentions, all she had to do was lie her arse off and he was done for. In my case, being military, it gets worse because I could be ordered! to participate in anger management and other “courses of treatment” because of the gender bias that only a man could be a perpetrator. It was when she went too far and felt so empowered by “winning” all of the time that she finally went too far and lied about having a restraining order that didn’t exist and demanded that the office on post to ORDER my commanding office to take actions against me. They only stopped when I asked them to verify the restraining order with the domestic violence court…they wouldn’t take my word for it, or my ATTORNEY’S!!! Only after they discovered how they had been manipulated by her…again…did they finally agree to void the case file against me. And finally because of her behaviors I ended up with custody of our 9-year old daughter and her supervised visitations…and she pays me child support. Get a grip on yourself, find out what sympathy and empathy are, and find out what you’re talking about before you get on your out-of-date feminist soap box and stop kneeling at the alter of the “Burning Bed”. Maybe with a counselling group will you learn that in the end, “she” was a murderer, not a victim able to claim “self defense”. I agree that the SOB had it coming to him…”IN THE MOVIE”…but I also don’t go around shooting up towns when I’m upset like RAMBO.

February 15, 2011 at 8:44 am
(25) Kazzie says:

Why is it if a man is abused we call them weak instead of realising they are just human. Doesn’t every woman want an man in touch with their emotions a man that wont use his fits or words in anger and yet when you come accross one, reading such as i have above, and they are being abused they just become a ‘weak’ man….hang on wern’t that what we wanted as women 5 minutes ago! No wonder men don’t report these crimes as much as women or even defend themselves from these women in fear of being made the criminal. What happened to us all being equal?!?! All the good men are out there someone and some dappy cows abusing them!!!
I have just began a disertation on the abuse of men. My pilimary work will be to set a scenaro for some male friends asking them to imagine themselves as firstly a women in this situation and then as themselves and see if their actions change.
I hope any men/women in this situation find the strength to be free

February 15, 2011 at 10:21 am
(26) Harry says:

There are plenty of men who will eventually react violently to a woman if she continually provokes and antagonizes him. In the old days, the police would figure that it is a relationship issue and if the woman didn’t like the beating she got then she should stop seeing the man or get a divorce. In todays society, it is the man who must stop seeing the woman or get a divorce, in which case she walks away with half of his assets, while laughing and letting him in on the lesbian or other affairs she’s been engaging in for years. Of course, if enough money is involved, and there are young children, well, plenty of women have no qualms about suggesting to authorities that the man is a molester in order to gain sympathy, full custody and big bucks. The fact is, there are plenty of women out there who regard a child’s father as nothing more than a sperm donor; the minute they meet a guy with more income or higher social status, or maybe even a bad boy who drives their hormones into the stratosphere, it’s so long sucker, and here is the bill, and be sure the check arrives on the first day of each month… Michael Douglas’s ex-wife received $27 million dollars, luxury cars and a luxury home. She uses some of that money to hire lawyers who continually sue her ex-husband for more money every time he makes a new movie, in spite of the fact that he is a dying man. It’s as if she figures she owns a part of him for the rest of his life and that he must pay her forever. Tiger Woods settles a lawsuit with woman with whom he was married to for less than a decade. The cost? $750 million dollars. His golf game has gone to hell, he has lost hundreds of millions in commercial endorsements after she went after him with a golf club. Does anyone talk about female rage and violence or female greed? No, they just laugh at Tiger for getting caught.

February 15, 2011 at 11:21 am
(27) Harry, again says:

There are plenty of women who will try to provoke a man to violence against them. If the man does not react then the woman considers him a wimp and she will escalate and try to further humiliate him. If the man reacts with violence or even shouts down the woman and procedes to mentally dominate her, she will consider this substantial abuse and will speed dial the police. Women like this hate men. A *relationship* to them is a zero sum game of winners and losers. I had the opportunity to sleep with some woman I just met over the weekend. I decided to pass. You probably have no idea how many women out there react as if you have stolen their virginity ( which they lost a decade ago ) if you have sex with them just once. They act as if they expect a relationship or marriage is to follow. Sorry, ladies, it doesn’t work that way. What many men do not get is the fact that the women they are involved with often have 10x the dating experience. They get to know male psychology this way. They want men to open up to them emotionally in order to better manipulate men, so they like to date a wide variety of men. Men meanwhile think women are so much more pure and innocent than males. This is a major error in their thinking that women exploit. The sad truth is, there are plenty of lesbians out there who cannot really stand men, who none-the-less get married for the money. They put in their time, gritting their teeth, and calm themselves by spending the man’s money on clothing and other things for themselves and their girlfriends. After they’ve put in sufficient time to seize half of their husbands assets, they hire an attorney and procede to explain what a bastard the man was. God forbid if the poor dope ever bathed his children or even saw them naked as babies. You get the picture. I have met women as ugly as Quasimoto and Jabba the Hutt, only to discover from their girlfriends (the women I was seeing) that these creatures were cheating on their husbands and boyfriends.

March 16, 2011 at 7:41 pm
(28) An aunt by marriage says:

My husband and I have a nephew who is 38 and I have suspected that his wife has abused him for years. She is always very snide to him (and pretty much anyone she wants to be mean to) without any provocation. He had an anyursm 1.5 years ago and she just watched him be in pain until my father-in-law happened to call to talk with him and encouraged him to go to the dr. immediately. He is now having his 2nd refix-where they go in and do something to stop the bleeding. Both our nephew and his son are really disregulated at any family gathering-between bullying and being strangely affectionate, so we really don’t want to get too close. Only my husband and I talk about it to each other and the rest of the family wants to pretend it doesn’t exist. Is there anything anyone can do or do we just sit by and watch her abuse him until she kills him for his life insurance and she will get social security for her and their son. Last Christmas she was saying she wants more space and now he needs another surgery.

April 15, 2011 at 3:57 pm
(29) Anonoymous says:

Some women torment their husbands continually– always getting in debt, traffic offenses with the family car registered in the husband’s name, wastes money they freeload on, parking tickets, never paying attention to anything. Never listen and when everything goes down the husbands end up paying and paying. You think he should divorce her– he cannot because of the children, religious beliefs, male ego, God given grace to endure and always trying to cover up for his family. The wife always makes sure to fall sick, withhold sex from thier husbands– who for religious reasons must bear it all, are openly critical of the their husbands who “unfortunately” cannot go out to cheat, prevent themselves from being suicidal and eventually end up leave the wife and the family when they can no longer hold it all together, Now do you know why there are many kids that say “my dad leaft us for only my mom to care for us” Surprisingly these tormenting women pick it up and do so well all by themselves, because they do not torment them selves like they did their hubbys. Obviously we know who the problem was all this while. Need I say more? No
-A currently tormented husband.

July 16, 2011 at 4:05 am
(30) ssp says:

Women abuse men, men abuse women. The difference. Men go to jail. A women needs only claim abuse and a man will be cuffed, locked up and tried. Men cannot defend themselves against domestic violence. Women who abuse also lie about being abused. Hostile ex wives lie about abuse. Why do we not hear about in the main stream media???…because its not popular news, womens groups dont like it. It makes law enforcement look bad because frankly..they missed the mark on “reverse” domestic violence. For all the men out there..there is no shame…yes you can’t defend yourselves the way a women can..once you block a punch or hold a kicking biting female back..you, according to the biased views of the law, will have commited abuse. I would suggest you get out of it now…pack up the kids the stuff and leave before you cant. Women victims of abuse..the same advice for you. Women have resources available..shelters, legal counsel, gov’t assistance..men..not so. Its a shame. Its a crime. In either situation.

September 30, 2011 at 5:52 am
(31) Gary says:

My wife right in front of me while I was on the phone with 911 started to hit herself and clawed an slapped herself
Couldn’t believe my eyes. Well guess who spent time in jail (Me) I had been slapped, bitten,threaten, stuff throw at.Cops didn’t even asked or looked at me just arrested me.I didn’t even say a word to her. I was SO PISSED at the way the cops treated me,I had NO RIGHTS

December 18, 2011 at 1:42 am
(32) Aussie Abused says:

Well some how it’s good to read I’m not the only male who cops the mental physical and emotional abuse. Absolutely scary reading these stories so many ring lots of bells and actually open my emotions. I am been a successful businessman who has delivered to my wife and kids a very good lifestyle over the years – we have travelled to many parts of the world and have a beautiful home and all the trimmings that come from working extremely hard to be where we are today – I am a happy go lucky person who is always looking to help friends in need – and I also are a victim of wife abuse – cannot believe I have never had the courage to leave but I think to has been due to being slightly scared – isn’t that wrong – well I have been spat in my face on more occasions that I have lost count – personal degradation of my looks my body even how I run my business so so many times, punched kicked slapped scratched and so much more and I’m still here amazing , I’m actually a good looking guy for my age and in pretty good shape – had heaps of opportunity to stray if I ever wanted to but I have always taken pride in my fidelity and have never gone there – yes my kids have witnessed so much of this which makes feel so bad I did not get out a long time ago – my eldest son who is now 25 recently said to me Dad you are a much better man than me – I don’t know how you do it – that actually brought a tear to my eye – well what gets to me more than the pain in my heart is never once has she ever said sorry !!! I have never even so much as raised my hand to her and the day I do will be the day all hell breaks loose – I would get locked up – guys I do feel your pain the
Legal system really needs a wake up call this is serious shit !!!

December 19, 2011 at 12:32 am
(33) divorcesupport says:

Aussie, I agree, there needs to be a wake-up call but how can that happen as long as men continue to live with the abuse?

We hear a lot about domestic abuse against women but I think the stories we hear are just the tip of the iceberg. If men and women alike felt safe enough to report the abuse we would all be shocked at how often this is taking place in marriages.

I wish you well and hope you one day have the courage to extract yourself from what sounds like a horrendous situation.

December 19, 2011 at 1:39 am
(34) sweets says:

I’d just like to say that after the years I was physically and verbally abused and manipulated by my husband, that he antagonized me to whsre I would get so upset n yell because he said such mean things to me. He manipulated me into thinking I was crazy. And now I have three dv’s because of him. He would get in my way andnot mo e then scream n ask me why I needed to go anywhere so I had no choice but to physi ally move him. I really can’t describe the pain I feel for abused women. Due to the fact that the men drove them crazy.

February 13, 2012 at 12:01 pm
(35) Ray says:

i think the abuse info is skewed. The websites “Supremely UNjust” & “Raining Daylight” both show evidence of horrific abuse against a man by an employer where he worked in an office full of women.

The first site even shows legal documents in the pro se lawsuit, which is shown to have been illegally run out of 3 federal courts, including the U.S. Supreme Court,…while the justices & other govt figures casually throw aside their sowrn oaths to uphold the Law & the U.S. Constitution, both of which were proven to have been broken.

Court documents show proof of perjury, withholding of evidence, & acknowledgement by both the employer and the court of things the man cited proof of being “illegal discrimination”, by Law. Also, his sworn testimony was cast aside in favor of proven perjurous testimony by his (famous, wealthy) employer, despite many legal precedents being in his favor.

This all goes to show that there is no level playing field, and the results on male-female relations in general are skewed. The man’s sworn testimony actually tells how his female supervisor walked into the office area ranting “I hate men! and about repeated physical assaults on him in the office in front of coworkers. That’s outrageous!

With testimony like that & other things submitted, it is simply illegal to use “summary judgment” on a plaintiff to drive him out, and multiple legal precedents from many courts, as shown in the documentation on the “Supremely UNjust” website, prove it. If it were a reversed situation, it would not have happened.

March 2, 2012 at 11:09 am
(36) Stasia says:

How come both sides of the story are never being told in an abusive relationship. I been choked in my sleep. I’ve confided in him, and he betrayed me to at 10 people. I’ve been threated by one person with death threats. I’m afraid to leave the house. He yelled on the phone to someone that I’m abusing him These people were using drugs and one of them thretened to kill me, I’m isolated in the mountains in the middle of nowhere and I have no souce of moral support., He sleeps all day.Now I yell and scream because he spends all our money on his bankruptcy payments and I want to go back to but he won’t encourage me he only sabotages eveything I do and instead of addressing our relationship problems 2 years ago he talks about me and pretend he is a victim and gets me molested by my own docter and abused by my therapist because he told her something personal about my past that he had no business telling her. I wasn’t ready to deal with in therapy and she wasn’t professional about it. I’m mentally ill and on medication. Many people do not understand that. I do not use drugs or alcohol. He has me afraid to leave the house now. He has me convince that my movements are monited by him. I had my anger under control for a long time but he knows to press my buttons. He shared a general practioner with me. I made the mistake of getting female exam from him. He made me feel dirty by saying terrible things to me. He made me feel so ashamed. My husband tells everybody about our relationship problems but me. He apoligizes for my behavior and says it is really bad, but takes not responsibilty for his bad behavior. He makes horrible comments about other women on TV. Comments about my crows feet. I’m 100 pounds. When I was 115 he said I looked like a stuffed sausage in a dress I tried on in front of my impressionable daughter.

March 2, 2012 at 11:09 am
(37) Stasia says:

How come both sides of the story are never being told in an abusive relationship. I been choked in my sleep. I’ve confided in him, and he betrayed me to at 10 people. I’ve been threated by one person with death threats. I’m afraid to leave the house. He yelled on the phone to someone that I’m abusing him These people were using drugs and one of them thretened to kill me, I’m isolated in the mountains in the middle of nowhere and I have no souce of moral support., He sleeps all day.Now I yell and scream because he spends all our money on his bankruptcy payments and I want to go back to but he won’t encourage me he only sabotages eveything I do and instead of addressing our relationship problems 2 years ago he talks about me and pretend he is a victim and gets me molested by my own docter and abused by my therapist because he told her something personal about my past that he had no business telling her. I wasn’t ready to deal with in therapy and she wasn’t professional about it. I’m mentally ill and on medication. Many people do not understand that. I do not use drugs or alcohol. He has me afraid to leave the house now. He has me convince that my movements are monited by him. I had my anger under control for a long time but he knows to press my buttons. He shared a general practioner with me. I made the mistake of getting female exam from him. He made me feel dirty by saying terrible things to me. He made me feel so ashamed. My husband tells everybody about our relationship problems but me. He apoligizes for my behavior and says it is really bad, but takes not responsibilty for his bad behavior. He makes horrible comments about other women on TV. Comments about my crows feet. I’m 100 pounds. When I was 115 he said I looked like a stuffed sausage in a dress I tried on in front of my impressionable daughter.

March 6, 2012 at 12:05 pm
(38) Torn in half says:

The primary weapon in the abusive wife’s kit is her ability to tell lies and slander the man. But the truth is that I’ve never raised a hand to her. She is scared of divorcing me and losing a custody fight. So, how to obtain her advantage? Slander and innuendo. I work so much that she has the run of the place. No restrictions on what she can do, how she can do it, etc. Have I been blind for 8 years? Now, we get into a fight recently, and she tells me to shut up. She throws a vase at me. It hits the wall and breaks. She tells me if I don’t shut up, she will call 911. And then she does. I get a citation for assault simply because I tried to grab her hand to prevent her from throwing the vase. Think about this people — how many times does the media glorify a woman slapping a man in the face because he cheated on her? Or said something inappropriate? All the time. Its acceptable in society for a woman to slap a man. But if a man grabs her arm to tell her he loves her? Assault. She has had 8 years to cultivate her lies. She has spent 8 years slandering my name and preparing herself for an easy divorce. Take me down with lies, get a false conviction on my record, and walk away with the kids, money, and everything else. No other person in the world has the power to slander me. Nobody would believe their lies. But when a man’s wife does it? That is true power. And for a woman who cares only for this life, its material things, then she can perhaps be a cruel treacherous person and destroy the man who would lay down his own life for her. Calling 911 to use the system to win a fight is like pointing a gun at a man you love and expecting him to forgive you for it. Most men have watched a brother, father, or friend go through this. And its often psychological and emotional and legal manipulation. The law is stacked against men. And women know it. So men are scared to trust a woman.

April 22, 2012 at 8:25 am
(39) Abused Aussie says:

It is really frightening to see lobsided cases against men who were being abused by women! It is happening right here in Australia as well!

There were a bloke who was blackmailed into “confessing a crime” against one person, in which he didn’t do it, by his ex-wife who has manipulated his children to side with her in threat to leave him if he doesn’t “come forward”. Apparently his ex-wife have been abusing him and his children for a long time. The so-called victim related to his wife, monopolised his “confession to crime” by lying massively against him. The result is that this poor bloke has to pay for his “crime” and have to undergo unprofitable psycho course which opened his eyes to immorality such as sex.

Toward the end of his release, his ex attempted to suicide because she fears losing control. Previously he made it clear to her that he do not want to be walked all over. She realised that she was losing battle. However, he decided to back away from her when he was released. He wrote her a letter with strong words telling her to seek professional help. However, she decided to monopolise his conviction as a ground to divorce him and ripped him off by taking almost his entire assets leaving him with almost nothing.

Since that he has learnt to never trust in women and went into gay relationship.

How on earth could she get away with it??

June 24, 2012 at 1:58 am
(40) Depression Treatment says:

I am extremely impressed with your writing talents and also with the layout to your weblog. Is that this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself? Anyway keep up the excellent quality writing, it is rare to look a nice weblog like this one these days..

July 31, 2012 at 12:25 pm
(41) donielle says:

i am a woman who sees herself hitting my husband a lot. i was married once before to a man who beat me everyday. my husband and i seem to always get into it when it comes down to my son. my husband is a great provider and i love him sooooo much. but he constantly finds ways to push my buttons and take advantage of the fact i am bipolar. i want my marriage to work and i dont want to hit him anymore i need help with controlling myself when i feel my husband is about to make me go there. i am a honest woman and i am coming and asking what can i do to get some counseling to control myself and to save my marriage

October 19, 2012 at 4:13 pm
(42) to late to help him says:

my brother was abuse by his wife even befor they got married then it got worse she was thowning hammers at him, he was kicked ,scratched, punched , beaten and stab with a knive and threaten with the law and that she would take the child he went thow alot of physical ,verbal,and emotional, he was depressed all the time he was called all kinds of names when they lived in mo.he was beaten so bad that he was in icu she went and put an epo on him and still showed up at the hospital i have pictures of what they did to him and a police report and they said on the report that they only used their fist i just didnt understand how can you get a fist around someone neck

December 11, 2012 at 4:51 pm
(43) Abel says:

I just recommend to all you guys that are in abusive relationships to just get out. I do feel for all you guys and hope that you will make the right decision for your own safety. You deserve alot better then what you guys are going through. Please just get out of that terrible relationship and dont look back. God be with you men! Got to stick up for ourselves until this type of abuse is punished fairly by the justice system. Enough is enough the man since the beginning of time has always been the head of the home. It is important to show respect to your man. The men are important part of the relationship and should not be brought down in this manner by the wife or girlfriend. I dont condone violence against anyone. Hope this helps. If anyone would like to have someone to talk to please post a comment for me. Be safe everyone.

December 23, 2012 at 11:31 am
(44) ladydon says:

It could be more equal in men being abused in todays world, a man is in the role of being the protector because its in him to do so,however, him being a man how do he come out and say he is being abused.Women get away with it because its has allways been taught to never hit a woman but not much ever been said to a woman its just as bad when you hit a man and i dont want to hear nothing about a man being stronger than a woman because if some one come up to you with a object hitting you and the only way you can get out is to fight back you will do it.A woman is not as strong as a man but what she pick up could kill him.

April 3, 2013 at 1:01 pm
(45) Kethel says:

It’s time we woke up to the truth, women abuse just as much as men. Being physically larger, male abuse tends to take the physical or sexual form – it is obvious, and easily understood.

Being physically smaller, female abuse tends to take the emotional / psychological form – it is insidious and not well understood at all.

How many abused boys and men have been told to “get over their mommy issues”? Would you tell a girl who’d been raped by her father to get over her daddy issues?

How many police have taken seriously a report from a male that a woman is screaming at him? Yet if he strikes her, the police will swarm him and throw him in jail.

I hate myself and will for the rest of my life thanks to abuse from my two female caregivers. The whole feminist movement makes me nauseous. The real victims in today’s society are the males, and the worst part of it is that the average person is far too stupid to think about this or understand it.

June 16, 2013 at 3:42 am
(46) BeatenAndStillStanding says:

I am dealing with this right now…I was diagnosed with PTSD before I met my wife. As of late, the hell she has put me through has undone several years of therapy and treatment. I am starting to lose myself again, and I am scared to death of her. I can’t bring myself to leave. I don’t abandon people, no matter how badly they treat me. I blame the Army. They engraved this phrase into our minds forever, “No one gets left behind.” The sad thing is that I refuse to fight back, and that makes her even more angry and abusive. If I try to talk her down, that makes it worse. If I walk away for a few hours and go to a friends house, you would think I committed a mortal sin. She has struck me with her fists and blunt objects. The physical pain is nothing compared to the pain in my heart and my mind. Hell, I welcome the physical assaults.

Anyone who says that men like me exist just to push an agenda need to have their teeth kicked in and their mouths wired shut. Then bind their hands so they can not speak or write their BS. And even then, I would envy them because their pain would be so much easier than mine, and other men out there who are going through the same crap as I am.

September 28, 2013 at 6:53 am
(47) Stephen says:

Do you have a Son ? How would you feel if he was abused by a woman?

December 26, 2013 at 5:47 pm
(48) kirsten says:

For the record, feminism is NOT “right wing” as the author states.
I am a conservative woman who was in two physically abusive relationships where my ex tried to kill me…i could be bitter, but im not. I fought back, yes I did…but ended both relationships. Although I probably fit the other description for women, instead, I am also an advocate for abused men, and would like to start an organization to help men escape and get legal help. I cannot find any resources for this…and I have tried to help several abused men who ultimately take the hit for an abusive woman. Any suggestions where to start?

February 15, 2014 at 6:08 am
(49) chris says:

I was severly abused during the years that I went out with my ex wife as well as after when I was married. You may ask why did I marry her? I was frightened and very confused by her violence which always seemed to be unreasonable, unfair, unprovoced and utterly extreme. I suffered broken bones, bruises, and deep scratches to my arms and face, scars which I carry 30 yrs later. I was brought up to be respectful of women and certainly not to treat them in any way that was violent or hurtful and so it was a real shock to me the day I first hit back. I realised that I had learnt violence and it was then that I decided at last to leave. We had two babies by then and it was a bitter day when I left…as I drove down the drive my ex threw the youngest child in front of my car…I barely missed running him over. I have rarely seen my children since and was portrayed as the vilain of the piece during the divorce. Even now I never see my children who see me as a monster and now that there are several grandchildren I have no family. The violence has had such long lasting effects that it has ruined my life ever since. It is impossible to understand and shame has so much to do with it…..its just not a “man ” thing. This is the first time that I have written this down and it feels worse than I imagined as I HAVE BEEN FORCED TO RELIVE IT!
My heartfelt concern to all who suffer violence from wherever in their lives….IT IS DEVASTATING.

February 23, 2014 at 3:37 am
(50) Camila says:

This my story.

1. My then boyfriend started to raise his voice from the beginning. Any time, we had a disagreement. I told him not to do it, but he continued.

2. Then, he started to scream at me even in public and telling me nasty things (verbal abuse). I just cried and cried. He pushed me, he shook me like a baby.

3. I stood the verbal abuse for a long of time, I just cried, I started to be terrified, he broke me down, but one part of me was still alive. And I knew I did not deserve such treatment. I never cheated or did something awful, he is short-temper, he is the typical nice out going guy, who nobody would believe he is such a violent person. His family knew about his character but they never did something to help him but to cover his tantrums.

4. After, 1 year and 6 months I felt under danger and totally defenceless and I started to slap him (physical abuse).

I don’t feel proud of it rather ashame of the person I have become, I had never slapped someone before and I am a very rational person, but now I feel ashame.

Thanks

March 27, 2014 at 9:41 am
(51) Anonymous South Africa says:

we were 4 siblings: 3 older sisters and the youngest a brother. 2 of us girls came out of abusive relationships, physically, emotionally you name it. We broke free from that lifestyle and just in time I might add. Now comes the horror in all our lives. Our brother, only 23 years old, was stabbed and killed by his EX girlfriend, whom he has a child from. He was the most gentle person ever and would actually walk away from this monster when an argument arised. We, as the siblings feel badly about this as we would see her outbursts with him most times and just instilled the words ” you never hit a female no matter what, walk away” . he did just that at all times. we have seen him bruised and blue and she would even become violent in front of their son. The signs were there and we were just blinded by the fact that she was female. I am so torn between my initial words to him and what I am feeling now. Violence in any form though is just not right and this has left our very close family shattered.

April 16, 2014 at 2:49 pm
(52) brian thames says:

Abused men I am so sorry for you
I know how you feel
You feel like if you tell someone then people will call you a pimp
Then if you donít it will continue to happen
But I want you to know I will be praying for you
So now you know that someone cares about you
Now you know youíre not alone
People consider you the tough ones
But they donít see the pain youíre going through
They think youíre the violent ones
But I know deep down youíre really hurt inside
So you donít have to feel alone because I will be here for you
By Brian Thames
Brian Thames

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