Fighting Over Child Support After A Job Loss
Take a look at this article in the New York Times. I wouldn't want to be in a position of having to ask the court to modify child support due to the loss of a job. Then again, I wouldn't want to be in the position of a custodial parent who will be affected by the loss of sorely needed child support either.
In the article Peter Passidomo, chief of New York State's 125 support magristates says, “We see everything, High income, low income, across the board. It’s just like in an intact family where the income earner has lost the job.”
I can't say that I agree that a reduction in child support relates in anyway to an intact family if a parent loses a job. Imagine the reaction of the court if a married couple went before a judge and ask that their financial obligation to their children be reduced because they lost a job?
The obligation parents in intact families have toward their children are not subject to a court order. It is expected that children will be taken care of whether the family is suffering financially or not.
Once we divorce the courts determine to what degree we are financially obligated to our children and if needed whether we can afford that obligation. I fully understand the need for this and the need for a modification in child support if a parent loses a job.
What I don't understand is why any parent feels a roof over their head and food on their table is more important than the same for their children. Isn't a child's lifestyle more important than the lifestyle of the parent paying child support?
I'm a non-custodial parent. For years I've worked two jobs. At one time I was working three jobs just so I could provide for my two children. And, I was receiving child support. When I read articles like this I can't help but put myself in the shoes of the custodial parent.
For instance, the mother who is raising three teenagers and has now had the child support she receives reduced from $686 a month to $50. Yes, non-custodial parents who have lost a job need a break but, where does that mother go for assistance.
Her obligation hasn't changed and whether she loses a job or not she still has three teenagers to provide for. Is there a court somewhere that will modify the responsibility she has to her children?
I, David Love, who committed adultery, would like to share what damage this caused in my life over 36 years. I was only 20yrs old at the time, but carrying this guilt and shame, contributed to a drug addicted life. If you are in adultery, you must stop, confront and handle the situation, before you can move forward in a happy relationship and life. Until you do so, you will be in bondage to where you are at right now in your life. Thank you, and have a good life…….David Life
It’s a scary thing to have the amount you’re required to pay and/or receive determined by someone else. We don’t have a divorce decree yet and I’m just hoping for child support payments on a regular basis for an amount that provides for my children.
The author made the point that one wouldn’t cut back on the children in an intact relationship. The point that the author is missing is that in an intact relationship, a home is being shared and the working spouse may pick up some extra OT to keep the family going. Also, Unemployment insurance may be enough to keep the family going. On the other hand, it may be very difficult if not impossible for one of the single parents to be able to support themselves if unemployment should arise, not even being able to contribute to support the children. Not a good situation. I’m in it myself right now. Enough guilt for everyone.
My ex-husband hasn’t paid child support since December. I am working two jobs to support our four children which I have full custody of. He has chosen not to work to his full potential because he’s depressed that his girlfriend dumped him. The two were having an affair while they were both married. All he keeps saying to me is that he can’t work because he’s depressed. What am I supposed to do with my mounting bills for four kids. He makes sure he has an apartment, food and liquor.
I don’t agree that the non-custodial parent is not thinking about his/her children if there is a need to reduce child support. It is not more important for the non-custodial parent to have more than a roof over his/her head or food on his/her plate. Possibly, the non-custodial parent would also like to have a home for his children to come ‘home’ to when he/she has them for visitation. That is why there is a % of income that has been calculated by the government that is considered appropriate support for the children. It is a tough economy…everyone has to cut back.
Both parents have an obligation support their children. While one parent pays the other, it’s really paying the difference, with the custodial parent paying herself. What standard do we apply when custodial parents loose their jobs or voluntarily stop working? Why would a different standard apply to the non-custodial parent?
In an intact family, if there is a job loss or change in income everyone in the family suffers. Everyone has to tighten their belts. There are things that were once expected that can be come nice to haves or even out of the question. I don’t see why with the same income sources the same shouldn’t be true for divorced families. It sucks, but in most cases, people don’t choose to get laid off.
To say that the support should stay the same, ignores reality. Child support is calculated based on both parents incomes. The reality is that that money was never earned, so how can it be paid? This is a serious question because not paying is a criminal act.
In a relationship where there is love, honesty, trust, respect and mutual harmony, there would be no arguements of doing/providing for the children. Divorce far from any pretense of harmony; its not nice. In many cases the parent that has to pay plays game$, using their ‘poor me’ and children as pawns as to get back at the custodial parent — it seems to be almost a natural instinct. It has been my observation and experience (and I’m sure I’ll catch alot of flack) that it is the dad’s that play this game more often … perhaps it is because they are narcisstic or have more money power. Yes, I’m sure that there are some who are on hard times and really, really trying but there are too many that play the game$. Been there as the ‘pawn child’ and have had it used used by my children’s father as a game tactic.
I really like your divorce support blog and e-course. In the “Tips to help you move on after divorce,” you suggest getting a roommate. Are there any safe resources that help single mothers find other single moms who are interested in this? Thanks.
First of all, beyond anything else, I am not sure who wrote this article! For had they researched the issue thoroughly, it would have been crystal clear even to a 4 year old that, a roof over ones head, food on the table are important factors for one to live, function and operate within his/her society (basic needs). Generally speaking and from the articles perspective, it is my strong belief that, this article is geared towards man especially during these excruciating financial times. How do you pay with money you don’t have? What draconian approach to an already rotting system is this? If one looses a job, is laid off then payments should be calculated against his new income just as I am sure, if one gains a higher paying job, no complains or articles stating that it is wrong to raise the child support based on one’s new income. The coin is two-sided; don’t accept one side that benefits and not the other one. Perhaps, if our leaders dealt with this issue and stopped hiding behind votes, we would have a stable system that would evenly distribute the parenting responsibilities as well as wealth. Instead, the fabric of our nation which is heavily founded on family continues to deteriorate at an alarming rate and yet we offer these “Robin Hood- go rob to pay” articles as an attempt to come to an amicable solution.
I just went through the same ordeal. My ex had been out of work since September. We have two daughters that are in college. One lives away on campus, and one lives at home with me.
He told me in February that he was going to file for a reduction in support and percent of expenses if he did not get a F/T job by March. I spent many sleepless nights wondering how I was going to manage. What would happen to the difference in percentage of expenses? Where would that be made up? I cannot cover what he cannot afford to pay.
The clincher is that he is now in a dual income household as of January. His new spouse can support both of them and I know this for a fact based on what she told my ex-MIL. He is very willing to allow his kids to be cut short, but he has a roof over his head and meals on the table because someone else is able to take care of him.
Thank goodness he found a job.
I couldn’t help shaking my head in disbelief to the author’s comment. My Question is :Cathy are you out of your mind? Are you living in this planet? The government is so unable to provide assistance to those who are in need, thus uses all the power they have to abuse the non-custodial parents by dragging and forcing them to make outrageous monthly payments to the custodial parent, which by law has the right to spend the hard earned money received by the non-custodial parent which ever way they comfortable doing. The custodial parents now a days (mostly females) have tremendous amount of powers obtained from the government to abuse the non-custodial parents. Everyday you see thousands of non-custodial parents going to jail, having their license suspended and humiliated in front of their co-workers being arrested. If there is one true effect it has it is simply the destruction and segregation of the non-custodial parents with their own children. Those that suffer the most are the children. More murders now a days on the rise due to this. The fact is there more and more non-custodial parents that have become incapable of creating another family due to the constant strain and burdenship created by the forceful payment of child support. women now a days use child support as a weapon to destroy a man’s life. This non-sense has to stop. Men need to support their children. They should not be enriching the ex-wife or ex-girl friend. That means the system needs to be changed where payments are made or deposited toward a trust fund, not delivered to the hand of the mother where she is allowed to spend the money which ever way she feels. This nonsense has to be stopped.
Jack – are you on CRACK? How is child support going to be deposited into a trust fund if the money is needed now to put food on the table? Be logical. Whatever the custodial parent spends the money on – the non-custodial parent’s concern should be ONLY that their children are clothed, fed, and that there is a roof over their kid’s heads. That’s it. It is the responsibility of the non-custodial parent to still provide for their offspring. End of story! And yes, after they are 21 – guess what – you still have to help them with college expenses. That is our job as parents – whether child support is legally due to them or not.
“That means the system needs to be changed where payments are made or deposited toward a trust fund, not delivered to the hand of the mother where she is allowed to spend the money which ever way she feels. This nonsense has to be stopped.”
The only thing nonsensical is the belief that so many non-custodial fathers have that their ex wives are living hign on the hog due to their child support.
My ex thought that his very small amount of child support every month should provide his child the sun and the moon. What he paid in child support was a drop in the bucket when compared to what it actually took to raise the child.
You would think though, if you listened to my ex that it covered the mortgage, car payments, groceries…everything. It took thousands of dollars a month for my ex to maintain his lifestyle but for some reason he thought I was living quite well on his $800 a month in child support.
I think it is funny how far he thought that little bit of money would stretch!
Jack, you need to rethink this issue. Once that child support changes hands it becomes your ex wives money to spend as she sees fit. It is no longer your money and you no longer have any input unless you can prove that your children are doing without so that she can live the high life.
If you could prove that you would have gone to court and done something about it. Instead you are posting on blogs and I have a feeling the true problem is a control problem on your part.
You can’t separate your negative feelings for your ex from the fact that it is partly your responsibility to help support your children. That is an issue you need to work on.
As for not being able to create another family because you have an obligation to the children you created in your first family…that is just life. Your obligation is to the children you have now. If that interferes with your desire to sire more children then you should suffer the consequences, not your children or your ex.
The article is empathetic and well structured, but oversimplistic. If it is true that intact families do not have the welfare of their children tied to a court order, it is also true that, should one of the parents lose his/her job, more or less severe adjustments would be necessary.
Most States have charts, updated yearly, that outline how much a family with so many kids, with a gross income adding to the combined income of the two, divorced parents, should make. This total is then divided by the portion that makes up the income of the non-custodial parent, and that total is the mandated child support.
When the non-custodial parent loses his/her job, adjustments are made on the basis of the new, albeit temporary, income. The custodial parent has to adjust daily expenses and made due, as does the non-custodial parent.
When things improve, the non-custodial has a duty (by law and by principle) to inform the other parent, and to adjust the child support payment.
This mimics what happens in intact families.
I don’t see what the problem is. Those here who post that the non-custodial parent is living large, just because the support has been modified, are lying to themselves. I lost my job and modified support, but also sold my car, stopped eating out and use all the money I have to pay mortgage, child support and utilities.
The problem lies with those who try to cheat the system. These exists whether or not the system allows for modifications, and (surprise!) exists on both sides of the fence: the paying party and the receiving party.
Let’s now be blind and oblivious to the fact that this is reality.
I am divorced with two kids and have a support order in place for a set amount. This amount was determined by a judge and granted in my divorce. He was recently arrested for failure to pay support and charged with four felonies. He goes to court and pays toward arrears but does not pay current support to me. Since being arrested, he has re-married and is trying to have his support obligation reduced. This order has been in place for 8 years and he has never requested modification until now. I want to know if the support amount granted in my divorce can be modified by CSE to his benefit. He claims he makes $525 a month. His obligation amount exceeds that and was based on his earnings when we divorced. I am currently out of work and have 1/6 of my regular income. I used the child support calculator in attempt to determine how the changes in our incomes would affect my kids. I was shocked to learn that the less income I earn, the less support my ex is obligated to pay. How can my loss of income benefit him, the system is NOT FAIR. Someone please give me advise on what I can do to benefit my kids and myself in this situation. Thank you.
To David Love-thank you for your obvious heartfelt words. I hope that others listen and that you find the peace that you need to make positive choices forward.
Regarding the post, I have a soon to be ex, who left and filed for divorce. He is the noncustodial father of our 3 boys. He chose to go from $65,000 a year to $34,000 so that he “would not have to pay much support.” The cheater is shacked up with someone from his past, and driving a new truck worth as much as our house. My kids are at the mercy of the court order of lower support, while he is living high on the hog. What a mess.
Hold on folks. I pay child support and it is hefty. Since I began paying child support – my ex (we were never married) bought a house (at the top of the market I might add), purchased a new car while I just try to get by. So as a saver and a person who sees the real value of things, It kills me to see someone getting a constatnt tax free check each month purchasing new & useless things (shall I say WI, among others) and throw deposit bottles away while I do the right thing and return these to get my 5 cents back. Obviously she/my daughter doesn’t need the money that much or maybe they would learn the art of returning deposit bottles for money and caring about the environment at the same time. I caould give more glaring examples but clearly support is much more than support.
I think every situation is different. I am a custodial parent I have 55% custody. I also unfairly pay child support. I provide 100% of the financial obligations for my kids medical, health, dental, education and nutrition, not to mention any and all extracurricular activities. Yey my paycheck is still garnished for child support even though he owes me more in expenses. All because he chooses not to work to his potential and lies about his income. He also happens to be a paralegal, remarried with a dual income home, in fact they have four incomes because they both collect child support with less than 50% custody. I pay all expoenses and send him bills and receipts but never see a dime. Going back to court cost more money than the measily reduction I get to pay the expenses. So I live close to the poverty level while they live it up, why because I am responsible and have been able to keep a job for 20 years. How fair is that. So I think before yo judge someone for asking for a reduction the whole picture should be looked at. Our kids should not carry a dollar sign over their heads.
A none custodial parent still paying is one thing. What about when you have shared custody, with the same amount of overnights,responsibilties,and daily obligations. The courts still order the higher earned income to pay child support. So what is fair when the higher earned income loses their job. I think its fair to get help from the other parent now.
Not much here about shared custody and job loss. We have shared custody, 45/65 (I have 65% ) and my ex lost his job. In the Divorce, support was left open. Now he wants support from me. Even though he lives with his folks and pays NO BILLS. I’m serious. None. While I still pay the same bills that we always had in our home.
I should sell my house so he can buy cigarettes and maintain his “lifestyle”. Who is kidding whom here? Do you think all of this money than he will get for her will go to her benefit? I do realize many parents; both custodial and non-custodial do not think of the children first. But is this really thinking of the child?
The mother should strip or hook
I’m a non-custodial father that once owned a successful business while taking care of my daughter in order to avoid expending the extra money for daycare. When our economy shifted, my business took a huge hit and I eventually had to close its doors. Needless to say, I continued to take care of my daughter and watch her during the day. While doing so, the mother of my little girl filed for child support.
That left me in a really bad predicament. I didn’t know whether I should continue to watch my baby (whom I love dearly), while facing the fact of that I have to pay child support, or what to do? Her actions totally took me by surprise.
While signing the documents executing the child support order, I tried to explain (to the courts) my financial situation as well as the arrangement that was pre-established between the mother and I. No one accepted my plea for help and my cries fell on deaf ears.
Now that the mother is receiving child support, she never purchases any food for my daughter and constantly uses the money to purchase household appliances, televisions, and clothes, ect.
I have been to 3 attorney’s that have told me that there is nothing that I can do about the situation because she could say that she is using the money for the benefit of the child, which she’s not.
Now, when I pick my little girl up, she eats so much as a result of being hungry because her mother is not using the money for the purpose of what child support was intended for.
So, I disagree with most of what you’ve mentioned above. You have allot of custodial parents that are using the system to maintain their lifestyle and to fill their pockets. Our children are the victims in this situation.
I am a very loving Dad, and am considering pursuing law school in order to make some dearly needed changes to our system. There should be some kind of physical accountability as to where the child support money is being spent. Receipts need to be mandatory every month and presented to the courts that established the initial mandate.
Todd
twiceazzznice@yahoo.com
Folks, my wife accused me of being mentally-ill and violent for “10 to 12 years”, and so in fear for her life. The Court required no evidence of these allegations prior to issuing its Temporary Restraining Order which removed me from the family, home and six children, during my 35 days of radiation therapy and major surgery for cancer. Since the day I was forced out of the family home over three years ago, due to child support transfers of my earnings, I have never been “positive” financially. I am now unemployed and have a new form of cancer which I cannot afford to address due to earnings transfers. I continue to pay child support even though I cannot afford either a roof over my head or food, and when my medical insurance runs out next month, medication necessary to preserve my life will be inaccessible as well. I have been back to the Court as often as possible, with no positive outcome for the children or for their father. What will they do without their dad? I’m sure they’ll survive. They will just have to suck up their loss and move on. It is a great country, the land of the free and the home of the brave. If you are right — fight, fight, fight — against the corrupt U.S. divorce industry run primarily in the best interests of attorneys, judges and their fellow travelers. Best to all.
I think that, whether its the mother or father who is asking for child support just does not get it. I think instead of asking for child support, SUPPORT YOUR BABIES AND YOURSELF…YOURSELF!!! I am an independent woman whose father, yes can see his kids when he wants but Ill be damned if I have him supporting me. Is’nt this the right thing to do, DO it yourself.. be string and standup and show that you yourself can take care of your kids instead of getting it from someone else. Very sad that somw woman (or men) go to court to try to get money for their kids when in all reality they are yours to stand up for yourself and make it on your own. In the end I think your kids will appreciate it more that you were able to do it yourself.