A friend who is going through a divorce has been ordered by the judge in her case to attend 8 hours of “divorce counseling” with her husband. She is not a happy camper!
Her arguments against having to attend counseling?
- It is government intrusion into her life.
- There is no love left so no amount of counseling is going to change her mind about the divorce.
- There is so much conflict between her and her husband that she can’t “stand the idea of sitting in a counselor’s office with him.
Argument number one I have to agree with. What my friend has not learned yet though is that the very act of divorce is an invitation for government intrusion into your life. When one files for a divorce they give over control of whom their children will live with and how their assets are split to the courts.
Argument number two, well it doesn’t hold water either. Divorce counseling is not about saving a marriage; it is about getting through the divorce with as little conflict as possible and learning effective communication and conflict resolution skills. All in an attempt to help couples, especially couples with children do as little harm as possible to themselves and their children.
Argument number three is a perfect example of why my friend needs to attend divorce counseling. If she can’t stand to be in the same room with her husband how well will she be able to co-parent with him until their children are of the age of majority?
It is clear by now that I’m of the opinion that divorce counseling, voluntarily or court ordered is a healthy outlet for anyone going through a divorce. If you have children, it should be state mandated as far as I’m concerned.
I get emails regularly from divorcing parents who behave in irrational ways. The choices they make and things they do that are motivated by the anger they feel toward an ex astounds me. What astounds me even more is their inability to work together for the sake of their children and how blind they are to the negative effects their actions have on their children.
What my friend and many others don’t seem to understand is that divorce counseling provides an opportunity to set some ground rules before there is a divorce. The more willing couples are to set ground rules and live by those rules after the divorce the better chance the children touched by a divorce have of a decent relationship with both parents.
I enjoyed reading this article about mandated divorce counseling.
I was married to a man for over 25 years and was very angry with him because he wouldn’t help me support our family. Even after I left him I felt responsible for him. He was a compulsive liar and never told the truth about anything.
I still felt obligated to support him and try and figure out if he was telling me the truth about having employment. I was very angry all the time.
After consistently talking it all over with my counselor, I realized I was no longer responsible with my ex-husband’s livelihood. I could then move on with my life. It is still lonely being single but I take it one day at a time. That’s what my counselor advised me.
A friend who was married to a very abusive man, divorced and has to attend counseling with a court-appointed counselor. This counselor has no background in abuse and she’s clearly getting the shaft, as are her kids, emotionally and financially. Her emotional state is deteriorating more with each visit, which she has been ordered to pay $50 per session towards. What advice would you give her?
NATIONAL DIVORCE DAY
June 3-4-5, 2011 Reno, Nevada, USA
A Memorial weekend for Generation Ex
To: Marriage/divorce counselors
Re: Speaker for National Divorce Day in Reno Nevada June 4,2011
We are conducting a national search for speakers for three seminars for the event.
If you or anyone on your staff is interested please go to our web site for more information, http://www.nationaldivorceday.com
If you are not available for that date and are interested in a future events please let us know.
Thank you
Don S. Thompson
divorceday@sbcglobal.net
So if I loose my job and go to jail, how am I going to be able to get a new job? And yes, it is just as important that I have a roof over my head as it is that my child does.
How am I going to be a good father if I don’t have a stable life…and a place to live?
I am NOT going to be a slave to the government. If the government takes all of my paycheck so that I can’t have a life of my own, I will have no choice but to leave this country to somewhere where I can. We have one life, and I am not going to spend it being a slave. My ex-wife is from a wealthy family and I know my child will be taken care of.
I will commit suicide before I will be a slave. I am a person too and I deserve to have rights. Give me liberty or give me death. I don’t care.
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