1. People & Relationships
You can opt-out at any time. Please refer to our privacy policy for contact information.
Cathy Meyer

Which is More Important, Constitutional Rights or Child Support?

By May 4, 2009

Follow me on:

Iíve been doing research into the Bradley Amendment that requires state courts to prohibit retroactive reduction of child support obligations. Quite a few non-custodial parents who pay child support want the amendment repealed because it violates their constitutional rights. Iím of the opinion that if you have a child or children to support, your constituional rights are not more important than your moral obligation to support your child or children. Truthfullly, I feel it is just another excuse, something to be used to justify non-payment of support by folks who think they should not be held responsible.

I was checking out this blog and found the comment left by Jackson not only ignorarnt but pathetic.

ďThe Bradley amendment has ruined my life. I am only a father because my ex intentionally got pregnant the very first time we had sex. I found out later that she planned it in advance. She raised the child with her last name while dragging me through court over and over. The child has graduated from high school and I still have to pay her mother $9,000 over the next 3 years. I have other legitimate debts to pay and it pains me to send her this money. I am astonished and profoundly disappointed that such legislation could even be considered, much less signed into law.Ē

Jackson, you have got to be kidding! Your ex intentionally got pregnant the first time you two had sex? Iíve got some information for you that, based on your comment will come as a surprise. You were just as responsible for the pregnancy as she was Jackson.

If you had protected yourself by using a condom your ex would not have been able to intentionally become pregnant. If you donít want a woman to become pregnant double up on the condoms and use a spermicide. That and that alone will keep you from becoming a father if you donít want to be a father and guess what, just as she planned ahead to become pregnant, you can plan ahead to keep a woman from becoming pregnant.

Hopefully youíve learned your lesson but just in caseÖPlan ahead Jackson before you engage in sex with a woman again.

Another thing, what debt could be more ďligitimateĒ than the debt you have to a child you helped bring into the world? Maybe if you had paid child support as ordered instead of giving the mother of your child a justifiable reason to drag you into court over and over again you would not now be having a hard time paying your ligitimate debt.

Iíve read comments like Jacksons before. If it isnít some guy complaing about having to pay child support because some woman intentionally got pregnant it is some woman whining that she got pregnant by a guy who told her he couldn't have children.

Isnít it time to grow up and take responsibility? If you play without protection someone is going to pay and since we have laws protecting children it is the aduluts who pay.

May 7, 2009 at 5:45 pm
(1) whatamess says:

You musrt obviously either be on the receiving end of child support or have never dealt with the child support courts. There are THOUSANDS of kids that were never wanted by the fathers. You see, the woman if she doesn’t want the child, she can have an abortion and the father has NO RIGHTS! You see, the woman can also have the child and dump them at a hospital and once again, the father has NO RIGHTS! And there are thousands of women, who tell their husbands that they are on birth control and then become pregnant because they were NOT taking birth control.

Yes, a man should wear a condom, but they are not 100% effective. In addition, the responsibility is of BOTH parents. If the mother could not support a child on their own, maybe they should’ve thought about that before getting pregnant as well. In addition, thousands of women out there who do not work and receive welfare complain about child support, yet they themselves are NOT supporting their kids…the government, ie. YOU AND ME are.

If women want equality, then they should get EQUALITY…no, most of these women want benefits above and beyond equality.

And every single day people lose their jobs and spend less on the kids when this happens…however, a divorced father paying child support does NOT have this option…only the custodial mother has this option.

So, I hope you take the time to actually study this a bit more instead of writing about a subject you obviously know very little about.

May 7, 2009 at 10:10 pm
(2) Tracy says:

I am a woman who has to pay child support and make low income and don’t know how much longer my car will run. My ex makes 23.00 an hour when he works — and he does side jobs. He got himself into 55 thou credit card debt. I have never owned a credit card — this happened after the divore. Anyway he also smokes pot. I know this as fact. So 2 years ago after 7 of not filing against me — he filed and so this year they took my whole income tax return and I had to pay 1000.00 back owed so it wouldn’t go to collections. When he divorced me he was arrested first for abuse. He beat the crap out of me — he was crazy. He is 6’4 and 280 lbs. and not fat. I went to the hospital at the young age of 26 with my mother who has ms and they brought in social workers — and they asked me to sign (coerced me into signing) so DHS could be involved. I left the house. My ex was not in the house either as he was staying at a motel via way of credit card ofcourse. Anyway because I left the house they said I couldn’t have the house and that he could have my children. He was made to take abuse classes and have counseling and was on probation for a year — and a year after that he was expunged. How is it I get abused and then it’s proven and then I get punished for it and then I have to have a price put on my head? How is it that he can still after 11 years of being divorced be involved in my life and taunting me and taking money from me.
He has health insurance even — I don’t have health care at all and refuse to go to the doctor for anything since I couldn’t afford to pay for a doctor. I know I am premenopausal now, and my teeth are really starting to get bad with holes and cavities. My eyesite is bad. I have an old car not gonna last much longer. He has more than one vehicle! He didn’t ask for custody of my daughter – his mother did. He neglected my kids pretty much on the whole and I had little recourses to do anything and still am not able to do a lot even for myself, that money could have got me another car to ensure I could even keep a job — who knows cause my job isn’t secure. But when collections come after you you then end up owing 30 percent more everymonth on top of the total — so that scares me. Why is it he can ruin his credit and mine. Why is it that I have to go into debt because of him. It’s actually like another form of abuse in my opinion and I really don’t think anyone should have to pay child support. I think it’s all bunk.

May 14, 2009 at 9:07 am
(3) Jason says:

It’s not just men. My ex-wife has spent the last 8 years avoiding paying child support. Her excuses are more pathetic than your Jackson example. Years ago, I came to the realization that I couldn’t count on her, so I adjusted our lifestyle accordingly. It sucks, but I sleep better not counting on her contributions to make the mortgage payment.

As much as I’d like to see her shoulder her responsibilities, I’m not eager to rewrite the constitution. As satisfying as it sounds, I don’t see where putting my ex in jail or taking her drivers license away, both eliminating her ability to work, is founded in our country’s ideals.

We need to find a new way to exist as a society. 50% of all marriages end in divorce and I just read that in the US, 40% of all children are now born to unwed mothers. Ignoring the fact that some of the “unwed mothers” are in permanent relationships with the father(s) of their children, it means that most children will be covered by a child support order at some time in their lives.

May 16, 2009 at 5:53 pm
(4) L's says:

I totally agree the 3 comments above!

June 2, 2009 at 12:29 am
(5) Marie says:

Blah!Blah!!Blah!!!Get a Vasectomy already and quit trying to blame women.No one held a gun to your head and forced you to have sex.You got tricked?No Sir!!! you let yourself get tricked.I had a boyfriend once who made the trip with me to get the birthcontroll and stood in front of me at 7:00pm every evening to make sure I took it.He knew about “Responsibility”.
It just pisses me off when people complain about child support.Let me tell you something if you happen to be the non-custodial parent: Your child uses electricity,water that is both cold and hot,your child doesn’t just eat 3 meals but snacks in between,you child has to pay for lunch at school maybe even breakfast.Your child’s foot grows pretty fast and so more than one pair of shoes is needed.Different types of clothing is needed for school,church,and events your child will be in.Your child has a right to have his or her horizons broaden by extra curricular activities such as baseball,karate,ballet,boyscouts and/or girlscouts.Field Trips cost money so do monthly fees for these activities.Sometimes you need dance slippers,or baseball gleets.Your child has parties at school where he or she needs to take napkins or forks,or cupcakes.Your child goes into the local Wal-Mart and wants Tech Decks or Brats Dolls.Your child gets invited to parties and needs to take a gift.And if you are the non-custodial parent chances are you are not the one having to gas up to get your child from point a to point b.Thus putting wear and tear on the custodial parents vehicle.If you are the non-custodial parent chances are you probably aren’t the one that has to loose sleep in the middle of the nite when your child gets sick and needs to be rushed to the emergency room in the middle of an ice storm.So Blah!Blah!!Blah!!You got a problem seeing your child?Then you best make an effort by showing up at his or her school.What? They wont let you in the school well guess what?The road next to the school is a public road and you can stand there with a poster that says,”I LOve YOU!!!” and your child will either see you are making an effort or will hear about it.What your ex wont let you see the child?Then I guess you better get two or three jobs and pay an attorney to take your ex back to court.Quit blaming women and shame on you.In the time that it took you to type your comment you could have been e-mailing your child or making a phone call to him or her.

June 24, 2009 at 1:27 am
(6) Michael says:

The Bradley Amendment does not allow chid support to be reduced even if the non-custodial parent becomes un-employeed. Child support should be 30% of their income. So if a non-custodial parent is making 100,000 then the child support should be 30,000, but if a new job only pays 60,000 how can you say they should still have to pay 30,000. If the Custodial parent makes less income then they make adjustments to fit their budget. Sometimes in these even the custodian parent might have to spend less on the child. The government does not come in and tell them they cannot make adjustments to how much they spend on thier children.

June 26, 2009 at 5:26 pm
(7) Dissappointed says:

How DARE you blame the man for this. Why would you pick his post to call him ignorant and pathetic? How do you know that the woman didn’t tell him she was on birth control? Shouldn’t that be a valid method of protecting oneself during sex? How many birth control methods do you use? If you REQUIRE every man to have a condom on every time he has sex then maybe you should also require a woman to not LIE about being on birth control. Why should he have to pay for her mistake? That child is absolutely a mistake and should have been placed for adoption. He could have had a life with two loving parents, but instead he was drawn through a life of fighting for child support because the mother was selfish and a thief. The next time you partake in an activity that you consider enjoyable with a stranger, imagine being sued for 100s of thousands of dollars just because BOTH parties were not responsible.

I am a woman and if I ever became pregnant against a man’s wishes I would NEVER attack him to support a child. Instead, I would live up to the standard my mother set for me and support my own child with pride and hard work. YOU ARE DISGUSTING FOR NOT LOOKING AT BOTH SIDES OF THIS STORY. Trust me, when the states are finally held accountable for their greed-driven, child support collection agencies, WOMEN will have to grow up and support their own children. It’s embarrassing trying to preach for womens rights and equal pay when there are women that only try to steal from men.

Next time, do some more research on what you define “rights”. Is it not a man’s right to earn money and improve his lifestyle? Did you know that the top child support offenders owe in excess of 1 million dollars and hold jobs in contracting, landscaping, and labor. Is it really a child’s right to collect a million dollars from a man he never knows?

Of all the atrocities committed by the current child support structure, the people who are harmed the most are the Children. Women, who otherwise would not be able to support their children and would potentially choose to give them to a loving family for adoption, instead choose to keep them and draw them through intense litigation, without even gaining the full ability to support them.

Is it a mother’s right to choose a Daycare that charges the father $1000 per month when she only earns $1400 per month? Even with the father’s support, the child will still not benefit from a household that could actually support him and NO ON holds the mother accountable for her terrible Spending habits.

July 3, 2009 at 2:55 am
(8) Scared says:

I wanted our daughter (adopted) and I want to be a good father. I paid $2000 per month child support to a woman who makes over $100,000/year, company car, company cell phone, etc. I was making good money and child support was garnished from my wages and everyone was “happy.” I have since lost my job, depleted my checking account and now my savings are being taken by child support services to cover my arrears that have not been adjusted for my new “income” of unemployment. Thankfully I have been able to pay off my divorce debt. However, I am quite fearful of being penalized by the support collection agency because I lost my job. I will lose my car, be evicted from my apartment, have almost no financial resources to pay for food et al and fully expect to be threatened with jail… because I have been layed off and have not found employment in 6 months. If there is no sympathy for the “fathers” who choose not be fathers, is there any room for those of us who have not chosen our situations? The child support provisions were supposed to ensure that the children shared the lifestyle that they would have enjoyed if both parents/incomes were to remain joined. But is it right that the child and custodial parent enjoy life at the expense of the non-custodial parent? Honestly, I feel that my rights to pursue life, liberty and happiness are being entirely removed by this and similar legislation. My daughter now has over $100,000 in the bank. I have $300. And now owe more than $10,000 and counting. Is that fair? Just? Moral? Freedom? American? What kind of father can I be from jail? A reward for losing my job… I love my daughter and wish her the best life possible.

July 4, 2009 at 3:18 pm
(9) Cathy Meyer says:

Scared, when you lost your job did you hire an attorney, go to court and petition the court for a downward modification in child support?

July 7, 2009 at 2:10 pm
(10) disgusted says:

“Scared, when you lost your job did you hire an attorney, go to court and petition the court for a downward modification in child support?”

Are you for real?

OK, so, he *LOST* his job; the advice is “go hire an attorney”? With what money? And even if he did have enough to “hire an attorney” what sense does that make to spend money on an attorney instead of spending it towards something that is in the best interest of the child (or children)? I can tell you from experience (and pure common sense), “hiring an attorney” is absolutely no where near the best interests of anyone but the lawyers and the courts.

If someone truly cannot pay support, is honestly looking for a job (in an economy with near 10% unemployment that is feasible), why do they “need to hire an attorney”? The answer is… because they have to. So factually, you are correct. That was/is his only real recourse with the system in place today.

Should anyone have to do this when the goal is to make the circumstances FAIR for both parents? If both situations are fair, and both parents are truly “good” parents… then the child(ren) are the ones who benefit MOST.
And where is the government in all of this? They are making sure that paternity is established as much as possible and that child support awards are collected as much as possible. They get federal money based on the percentage they reach for these goals (upwards of 400million!). And this is fact; simply read far enough in to Title IV-D of the Social Security Act, the section relevant to “grants” to states! (Then carefully poke around in your state law and you will find wording that says they can receive it – another fact.) They do NOT, however, get similar money for promoting safer sex, better marriages, responsible parenting!

I have a similar story to the ones above, which are in turn similar to countless other stories all over the country. I’ll not re-tell mine to save what has been said many times before.

I will end by saying that those (sarcasm begins here) fantastic family protection laws passed in the 1990′s are sure helping with the number of divorces, fatherless/motherless children, etc. Those numbers have done nothing but skyrocket! Why motivation does the government have to change them, though? They’re making more and more money the worse it gets!

July 7, 2009 at 4:27 pm
(11) Cathy Meyer says:

Am I serious? Yes. He states that his “savings” are being taken to pay child support. If he has money in an account that can be taken to cover child suppor then he has money in the bank he could have used to hire an attorney.

“what sense does that make to spend money on an attorney instead of spending it towards something that is in the best interest of the child (or children)?”

Now I have to ask if you are serious. It makes all the sense in the world. If he had done that he would not be here complaining about his savings being taken to pay child support.

He would not be a man about to be destroyed financially but a man whose child support order had been modified. Now, that would be in his children’s best interest because what good is a father who is stressed out about money and unable to pay his child support?

Matt, I have to chuckle every time I hear someone argue that the government is to blame for fatherless/motherless children and the state of marriage today.

As if the government is sitting at the foot of all the beds where unwanted children are created. Or, sitting in the homes of parents who choose to divorce over staying married for the sake of their children.

The government doesn’t become involved into they are invited into the situation. If you or I create a child that needs to be support we invite the government in. If you or I choose to divorce we invite the government into our lives…we give them control.

Why not stop complaining and blaming the government for the sad situation our children are in and start taking responsibility and living our lives in a way that will keep the government from ever being able to step in and take any kind of control.

It isn’t rocket science, it is common sense but the problem is, we are a country of people who screw up and hate like hell having to take responsibility when we screw up.

So Matt, if you don’t want the government making money off of you, make good choices and live responsibly and you won’t have to worry about it.

July 12, 2009 at 11:29 am
(12) blueeyes says:

i do not understand all the animosity against fathers and mothers . believe it or not there are some parents who want to do the right thing in spite of all the trickery the other party has caused.
i know a man who’s daughter lives 60 miles away after the mother took the child to another county. filed for custody and child support and the father can only see the kid on alternate weekends. he is making 39000 a year and was forced to pay 1500 per month. for child support and child care which left him with about 200 a week to live on. now he cant pay his car payments so now he cant visit his daughter, and he is getting evicted from his apartment. so even if he wanted his daughter to come visit for a weekend he has no place she can stay. because he makes more than the poverty level he cannot even get food stamps or housing. when he went to court to lower the payments he was told by the judge to get a SRO to live in. its totally obvious the court system isnt built for the real benefit of the child. what is a child without a parent who loves them? where is the justice in that? i do believe child support is necessary but at what cost?

all you bitter people posting really needs to get a grip and be grateful that this hasn’t happened to you .
even if you are angry think about your child’s right to have happy and healthy parents who can be there for the kids. what good is money without love?

August 27, 2009 at 1:36 pm
(13) Troy says:

I am worried about the same thing. I am expected to pay $500 every month to my ex when I only make about $2000 at the most then my ex who makes more than twice the amount I do every month from trust funds and no job, her and her family are millionaires! I have fallen behind a few months but I pay as much as I can and I have my daughter for 2 days every week but I’m sure because of their wealth They can hire any attorney to hide her fortune. This same woman who has millions in education trusts and applies for FAFSA so she gets extra money that is intended for the poor to go to college! These laws need to be changed! It’s time for all of us good fathers to raise hell! My daughter is on state funded health insurance because of my low income. If I came from fortunes I would be ashamed to know that. The problem is that these rich people can make justice a luxury that the rest of us can only dream about. Really if you think about it attorneys are expensive and that money could be used for the child, we are talking $2,000 to $10,000 per hearing! Very soon I will have to go to court again without an attorney to protect me from them.

I have no assets and no savings so maybe I can just give them a kidney and I can stop their attacks for a while. I never gave any thought to child support fraud but now I do! I understand that there are real cases of women that work hard and should be receiving some help, but I know I’m not the only father that has had to deal with this same thing. I understand that my situation is ass backwards but I know that there are other people who love their child more than life and are feeling the same hopelessness.

But on another note I spoke with a 19-year-old female the other day and she explained to me that she has great resentment for her mother because she found out about her father being financially crippled because of excessive financial demands by her mother. This girl explained that her mother squandered any money she received from her father and she never saw a dime. So, I guess the bright side of this is that maybe not now but when your child is older you will have a bond that no money or lies can tear apart. I know there are fathers out there like me. Please don’t loose faith in who you are because you did nothing wrong except for wanting to be a part of you childís life.

My family has received threats 2 years ago that if we ever tell the full truth in court that our lives will be made a living hell so, for now we must remain silent because they have the money and power to make threats a reality. I hope and pray that fathers some day have the same rights as the wealthy. But until then just be strong and keep your child in your heart. Times have changed and it’s not the same as the 1950′s Fathers are taking a more active role in their childrenís lives and deserve the same respect as parents. I will never forget the evenings rocking my daughter till 3am and getting up for work the next day while the mother laid in bed with earplugs in. However I bonded with my daughter during that time my voice and heartbeat would calm her when she had colic.

Well I hope someone reads this and takes it to heart.


November 2, 2009 at 7:51 am
(14) Mark says:

Gee, wonder how many of these EX’s allow normal visitation to the NCP?

How many CP’s dont need the money or have boy freind/girl freinds New Spouse that take care of the home?

How many children involved have been told daddy/mommy is a dead beat?

How many CP’s remarried and moved away from the NCP?

How many NPC remarried and cant support a new family ?

How many CP’s use the money for vacations and leave the kids with grandma but never the NCP?

all these questions are real fact it happends alot. Lawyers cost money but the CP’s depending on the “welfare system ” can get free or reduced leagle help but not the NCP.

and most divorces are stupid the wife or sometimes the husband find someone else and kick the other to the curb is this really a no fault divorce?

wife kicks out husband starts seeing boyfreind keeps the kids dog house car ect ect. boy freind leaves the wife because cant get along with the kids “its not daddy” mom goes on welfare welfare office says who the daddy mom writes it down on paper and the system enforces anything they can from the dad. there are never lines drawn in a divorce even if they dont want child support the states WILL get the paper signed and enforce it.

think about this now does a NCP get a snowballs chance? even in a 50/50 split the NPC ill get it in the end.

November 5, 2009 at 7:06 pm
(15) Joe Simms says:

The Bradly Amendment is clearly in opposition to the 13th Amendment to the US Constitution. The creation of slavery and servitude by device and/or an instrument of document is clearly not an American Ideal or value. Calling a debt an obligation while creating involuntary servitude or slavery is exactly what happens to millions of non-custodial parents. This this the reason why the Civil War was fought. The Bradly Amendment should be repealed the results of enforcement is tens of millions of financially enslaved US
citizens. A result that is unconstitutional. It may also violate
the 8th Amendment, cruel and unusual punishment for
millions of US adults. Especially, in the present down economy or jobless recovery.

February 7, 2010 at 8:48 am
(16) aseta says:

there is 2 sides,right now my friend is pregnant,for a guy who is married and has a family, he did lied about being married,but also always say he dont want a child or was not ready,she knew she wanted to have a baby,and use the opportunity to get preg,now she is talking child support,it disgust me as a woman,yea he lied,yea he didnt protect himself,but hey,she wanted it,bitch take care of your baby and move on,leave the man alone,i have not met this guy before,she is my good friend,but i am mad at her,she is wrong

April 1, 2010 at 6:04 pm
(17) alejandro says:

Hi, I am a father of four children, never planned have kids. Maybe it was because she planned it or just because the birth control did not work-I don’t care. what matters is the children. I made the choice to be part of thier lives when thwy were born-preffered abortion but I know that is not my choice it is up to her always. Now I am divorced and pay child support. I don not mind providing for my kids I know it what it take to pay for additional
gas, lighting, food, clothing, transportation, education, med exp, time off from work when they are
sick and everything else that is involved with raising children. I have been doing my best and love my children. My problem with child support in my eyes is the unfiar dicrimination agianst the parent that makes more money-usually the father. And in some cases not even if she make more money
the discrimination is agianst the father in the court systems just because males tend to be more physical and louder at yelling-but not all of us are like that, more and more the abuse comes from the female, but back to the child support. If both mother and father make $3000.00/mth and share 50%
custody that is equal no child support should be paid-if you decide to take then to day care when it is your turn to take care of you child it is your choice and you should pay for it not charge the other parent for it-he or she has find someone to take care of the kid to when it is thier time. now lets say male makes 1400.00/mth and mother makes 8000.00/mth and they share 50% custody and visitation, I believe child support should be 0. The resonsability is still the same of paying for gas light-etc on both sides. yes life will be easier for mom-thats what happens when you study and make something of your life before having kid, dad should have thought about this before having kids with this woman. the government will pinish the woman for doing good and wanting to be with her kid by making her pay child support to the other parent who decided to not go to school or for what ever reason is not making money-it is not her fault
it is his problem she should have the right to chose to help him or not to help him. If a parent does not want to be involved with his or her children-maybe the government should have the right to try to force them- but what a shame on the parent left with the kids to whine about that-if you are not willing to take care af your kids 100% why did you have sex-learn about the ricks first. My mom alway told me that I should not live my dad because he never supported us-she ran him away and hid us in the first place-, and that made me feel that she realy did not love me. I my dad loved me or not that is between me and him she is not god to be punishing him, and if she was not willing to take care of me I should have never been born-don’t have sex if you are not willing to take on the responsability-that goes for both male and females.
I my kid are left to me and there have been period when I have taken care odf them by my self, I would feel stupid and inmoral to charge thier mom for taking care of them-I love I can’t charge someone eles for me taking care of them. If the no custodial parent is a person who idiot who did not do any thing good with his/her life the government leaves them alone, but if he/she is someone who did something with them selves and wants to be involved with thier kids the government will pinish then and reward the parent that make less money- and worst of all with out any proof of where the money is going-like bailing out all the banks with our tax money so the top executive can get billions is bonuses at the end of the year- get rewarded for diong wrong seems to be the plan of this government.
I am thinking of getting poeple together to correct this problem.

August 24, 2010 at 6:59 pm
(18) Tom Plug says:

Exactly why the US Constitution was written. To protect the ordinary masses from the excesses of the government and
people (groups) who believe they are special. Above any constraints or laws, so that they and they alone can determine what is justified or not justified. What is cruel and inhumain. Essentially protection from people who want to play GOD. Unfortunately, many groups and in power manage to evade constitutional law by legalized tricks and the seer power of politics, and impose their will upon defenseless and inocent people. A prime example is the Bradley Amendment
which creates populations of people that are enslaved or in servitude. This clearly is not in the framework of the Constitution.

September 20, 2010 at 10:20 am
(19) Harold says:

I agree with the men, woman can do anything they want. What about when men are raped by females? They still have to pay. Does that make any sense. What choice did they have, absolutely none. Men have no rights at all. These laws are outrageous, unfair, and uncontitutional.
The law needs to be REPEALED.

October 16, 2010 at 4:07 am
(20) Jayd3n says:

I believe that the U.S Law is bullcrap at least today anyways its full of people seeking money, and stupid things. Our constitutional rights are clear though, and I do believe that making a person pay Child Support is against the Law.

There are only a few circumstances that I believe child support should, and could be enforced by a LAW.

1. The feather of the Child was abusive to the wife. There would have to be documentation and evidence of such.

2. The Father just tries to back off after getting her preggers with the child. He should have used a Condom, and or said that he did not want the child to be born before it was ever born if he was going to walk out.

Other than that simple Incompatable Differences, or Divorces for any other reason should not be qualified for child support in my opinion, and the decision of who the child wants to stay with if they are old enough to make a decision should be up to the child, and of course the welfare of the child.

I see Lawsuit every day including Double Lawsuit against people who commited murder for money in 2010 even after they already got life just to get money that they inherit after their sentence was already passed. This is just some abuse in the Legal System, and should not be allowed either.

Last, and Final. I believe that U.S Law should be 1 Year max to file a lawsuit on anything that happend to the person. If it goes beyond one year for any reason they can’t file a lawsuit for any reason on anything, and this should be made clear by LAW to prevent abuse excluding Serial Killers and such who evade the LAW, but general lawsuit such as Child Support, Abuse, or anything else 1 year max since the time of it happening after that it is void.

January 2, 2011 at 11:59 pm
(21) bryan says:

I don’t understand any of this BS. Child support iw alimonie. The child needs things. How many times have you been to the grocery store and were asked how much money you made before a price was put on your items NEVER. The same with clothing and school lunches. If it cost 400 a month to raise a child then support should be 200. Both parents splitting responsiblity equal. Regradless of what either of you make. A father goes out trying to better his situation by getting another job. That’s earned income. Guess what your paying 40 percent of that to. Its all bullshit until all NCP quit paying and stand up for what’s right then nothings going to change. My daughter wants nothing to do with me doesn’t even consider I’m her dad her mother as well as herself have X me out of there lives have seen the child maybe 5 times over 14 years. Why don’t I have a choice. Its all a game. If women knew that if they have a kid child support is not going to be used as extra money then the birth rate will drop. There are no checks and balances the cp goes to the mail box picks up a check and goes gets her nails did. If money makes a childs life better then custody should be awarded to the parent who makes the most money. Its all bullshit.

February 3, 2011 at 7:24 pm
(22) Paul says:

Interesting… Personally though, I find it repulsive that the Government can go in and change / modify an agreement that was signed between two private parties in the first place.

Sure… laws are in place because of morally bankrupt people that don’t want to share in their obligations but they are also used against people who have no problem sharing — just not being debted to death and being forced to go homeless because the other party wants a new Range Rover. It’s a system where you are guilty until proven innocent..

The cards are stacked against non-custodial parents and it’s all funded by the taxpayer. There are several non constitutional laws that actually encourage divorce in my opinion.

March 10, 2011 at 10:31 am
(23) Sancho says:

How does debt reduction or welfare reform take place when the tax pay foots the bill for a custodial parent making 60 thousand dollars a year and has a company car and the non custodial parent makes 54 thousand dollars a year and has NEVER missed a child support payment ? the fact is that it does NOT promote this ! Our country is 14 TRILLION dollars in debt butEvery three years I get my child support payments increased free of charge to the custodial parent and the state has a TAX DOLLAR INCENTIVE to do so, but when I get denied seeing my child, I have had to spend 30 thousand dollars in legal fees to get my standard order (25% time) enforced when I live 10 minutes away. For everyone who works (attorney’s charge by the hour) it is obvious that time and money are NOT two seperate issuses in the the real world. A parent’s love and time should be held to the same high standard as their money, but it obviously is NOT the case. When two parents divorce, the children do not love one parent more than the other. It has NOTHING to do with the best interest of the child, and everything to do with money. Shared parenting would be better for our children, and more financially conservative for our country but people and states stand to loose money. The Child Support Performance and INCENTIVE act of 1998 has a FEDERAL MANDATE for the non-custodial parent to BUY health insurance, but I did not see any Attorney General’s up in arms about the constitutionality of that. Now that Obama Care has been passed and mandates EVERYONE has to buy and it is going to COST the states a lot of money to cover everyone, you see the ATTORNEY GENERAL’S up in arms about the constitutionality of it. You can’t have it both ways. If a non-custodial parent can be mandated, surely it would also be in THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD to have married people buy health insurance too. NO LAW has to tell me to care for my child, but it is not about THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD, it is about the almighty dollar.

May 14, 2011 at 10:27 pm
(24) DisgustedCitizen says:

Cathy, your statement implies that parents give up their Constitutional Rights when they have kids is extremely offensive. You downright accuse people who invoke them to be looking for an excuse not to pay. Your painting of people who just want fairness in the system as potential deadbeats is offensive. Thank you for your honesty as you have exposed the level of bigotry that many feminists now practice with little or no shame. What was once a proud and noble movement has turned into a power and money hungry gang of bigots and thugs. Yes thugs, you donít commit the violence yourself instead you use the power of your vote to motivate the state to do violence on your behalf. Taking the property by force is violence. Jailing is violence.Constitutional protections in our Republic (not democracy) were put in place to keep injustices imposed by the majority from occurring. To be sure, there are many that took a long time to be corrected; most notably slavery and womenís equality. However, we now are witnessing the subordination and removal of rights of nearly half our population. Thousands of men (and few women) are thrown in jail because of an inability to pay what are outlandish sums of child support (which in some cases is nothing more than backdoor alimony). Often times these sums are based on incomes from jobs that are lost. The arrearages build up and are often wrong due to mistakes made by the agencyís that collect them.
The Bradley Amendment is a knee jerk reaction to a problem that was overstated in the first place. But it pleased the angry mob of feminists, politicians, and lawyers that profit from it. Cathy itís time to drop the pitchfork and do some more research.

June 8, 2011 at 2:58 pm
(25) Elijah says:

Child Support is a personal matter not a government matter.

June 9, 2011 at 5:01 am
(26) Y'ḥez'qel says:

America will fall, when kidnapping is motivated by wealth.

June 22, 2011 at 5:30 pm
(27) About to be on child support says:

I do not mind paying child support when I go on it, I would love it the persons man or woman getting it are force to show monthly accounting that the money is actually going towards the minor.

Being force to pay back money is wrong, unless it can be proven that you never once help the mother or the kid, and most times that is not the case.

July 12, 2011 at 9:07 pm
(28) Joe says:

The author of this blog is an idiot. I got married because of a woman lying about birth control. We got divorced because she was crazy. I have been paying child support for 9 years. I have never missed a payment and I pay more each month then my no good ex-wife makes. Even though I am supporting over 50% of that household, the court will not give me the tax deduction and they will not consider a change in custody based on her lack of income. I love my son and would gladly take full physical custody of him. My issue is this…..I have remarried and have 3 other children (all mine) who are just as deserving of equal support. They are deprived of equal protection because the court system doesn’t even acknowledge they exist because they are not ‘party’ to a support order. Now ….if I got divorced again. The court would lower my child support obligation to my 9 year old because I would be required to pay child support for the other 3. How messed up is it when a state doesn’t care about your other children until you are divorced. Its sick. The system is unconstitutional and it is broken. The author of this blog needs to do some homework before she speaks….or she has an agenda like….she is receiving child support that she knows is in excess of the needs of the child. Lastly, does the author realize that states get federally funded based on the AMOUNT they order a non-custodial parent to pay and not based on the number of child support cases they manage. The original intent of the ‘Child Support Enforcement Agencies” was to collect from non-paying parents NOT to manage the child support cases of parents who pay on time. They realized that if they funneled all the money through the system…they could trick the federal government to provide more funding for enforcement when in reality they were not doing a better job of enforcing, they just put all the people who were paying in the system. Its a sick game.

August 8, 2011 at 3:20 pm
(29) ray allen says:

My issue was never with paying child support.

I objected to the requirement that I provide the LIFESTYLE that the courts assumed that my children (and by inference, their mother) would have enjoyed in an intact relationship.

Child support should be the parent’s sharing the responsibility for providing for the needs of the children that they have created, not requiring the non-custodial parent to provide a specific lifestyle for their children.

There isn’t space here to get started on the hidden alimony hidden in this requirement to provide a government mandated lifestyle, the total lack of accountability as to how “child support” payments are spent, the unintended consequences of the Bradley Amendment, or the profit that states make from maximizing child support in all circumstances in order to increase their reimbursements from the Child Support Performance and Incentive Act.

I like Minnesota’s idea – establish a special checking account that BOTH parent’s contribute to, and use the money in that checking account to pay for the children’s needs.

August 12, 2011 at 9:10 am
(30) Screwed says:

This is at Marie’s comment…

(5) Marie says :
Blah!Blah!!Blah!!!Get a Vasectomy already and quit trying to blame women

Yeah I got a vasectomy and less than a year later my now ex wife moved on. As for your adamant argument that I should make the effort to show up at my sons school to see him? Yeah I’d love to, oh yeah my ex moved an hour away so she could be closer to “hook-ups”. Yeah and she implied that I should be glad that she wasn’t moving farther away……

So yeah Marie, you and people with your mindset are part of the problem. May no man be stupid enough to fall for someone as shallow and shortsighted as yourself.

September 6, 2011 at 8:26 pm
(31) What says:

Well lets say a woman takes a mans kid away and he cant pay for a lawyer or a investigator to find them. The child turns 18 and tells the mom , you cant keep me from him now. Locates father and now child support suddly wants money? How fair is that? Its ok to take ones rights away till they take your right…yeah is what I thought. Child support is a raw deal for the fathers, no rights , no help..why well in the words of one child support lawyer…”it dont matter”..
We might be americans but as men we dont have any rights.
May mosco would be better then this so called free country of rights.

October 20, 2011 at 8:59 pm
(32) Mark says:

I dont doubt there are people who do the wrong thing and I dont doubt there are dads who dont care about their kids.. I dont want to leave a long story here but in essence I have never made an income that can support both me and 3 kids.. It got so bad at one point that I was only getting about $300.00 to $400.00 a month to live on after support and taxes.. It left me destitute.. My only hope at that (depressing time) of my life was that I was living with my girl friend and we were engaged as well. Finally I got more support paper work and a family court summons again for the arrears and she saw them.. She told me she had some things to think about.. about a month later she told me I am sorry I cant marry you and you dont make enough money to help me and you have 30 days to get out..

Long story short… I just gave up and didnt care anymore.. My job didnt pay enough for me to even keep it and I didnt care what happened to me.. I ended up in a homeless shelter for over a year.. I am now out of that dreadful depressing place and I am married to a wonderful women that does not care what income I can bring in.. I do have a job again and work almost full time.. After taxes and the 1350.00 a month child support they want (they only get about $300.00 of that a month) I am left with pretty much gas and maybe a little extra for a dinner out or book to buy or something.. Another words I work for gas and child support and taxes..

This system does not work and yes I feel its unconstitutional and not because I want an excuse to not pay. I have been put into a debt prison against my will for simply having kids and my spouse wanted a divorce. My rights are just as equal as anyone else and yes my kids..
Love you all and take care..


November 28, 2011 at 6:39 pm
(33) Ben says:

I was married had a kid never planned to get divorced, and my ex cheated multiple times and I still get rammed up the patootey with child support dragged into court and all kinds of crap because she wants to be difficult, oh did I mention the 55 dollars a year i have to pay just for the privilege to pay support, not fair I didn’t want out and she walked away, just because she is a woman in my state i get screwed!

December 19, 2011 at 6:56 pm
(34) Jay_Law says:

in a perfect world morals should be more strong but there is no “moral court” that I know of its “legal” court that is overstepping its boundaries! so you state that “Jackson” had just as much to do with the pregnancy as the mother! OK! if this is totally equal and even then he has a say in if she even has the child or has an abortion! so technically child support is slightly in the woman’s favor! the law as a whole is unconstitutional because the first basis for conviction is “probable cause” and “criminal intent” without those factors they police cannot arrest nor prosecute a case nor sentence you to fines or throw you in jail! all of which they do under the “child support” laws guidelines or whatever you want to call it! in short it is NOT a criminal act to have a child! also in states such as “Indiana” you pay child support till 21 or 23 if they attend college and must pay half of the tuition even though the law states at 18 they are an adult! again unconstitutional! if they are old enough to join the military wield a firearm and kill people they must be adults!? this countries laws area a joke!

April 16, 2012 at 10:11 pm
(35) Chris says:

This is rediculous. Anyone who has studied this subject knows the problems with this. The bill of rights is the most important document because of our rights. This is about rights. Child support is slavery. It doent matter if you want free money or not. Its a matter of the 13, 1st , and eighth amendments. Not to mention lack of real courts. Family courts are not real. There is no jury. If you didnt or dont want a kid stop having sex. Wake up people this idiot lady works for a femenist rights movement that has a ultimate goal of destroying free rights for ALL. Notice all. If we go down this route we all will be forced to work for free or for pennies. Dont laugh at this read a history book.

April 26, 2012 at 6:40 pm
(36) Derek says:

I believe the posting lawyer is ignorant. If a judge makes an error with support determinations a retroactive reduction is the right thing to do for the father financially, emotionally etc… It is also the right thing to do for the children… A good father should not have to pay for an ignorant /poorly informed judges mistakes

May 21, 2012 at 11:28 am
(37) Misty says:

I believe the majority of us recognize that when a man and a woman have sex that act can result in the conception of a child. We all understand that with EVERY form of birth control there is a chance of failure and that we all take the risk of conception every time we choose to partake in that act. If you want to be assured that the partner you are with feels the same as you do about unplanned pregnancy and that you agree on the course of action to be taken if one results, you should do everything possible to get to know, understand and develop a trusting relationship with your partner… But in the back of your mind you should still know that minds change and you could end up being a parent.

I am a parent of a wonderful 6 year old. My ex and I split when she was 2 and I have ALWAYS been her custodial parent. My ex will not drive so I take on the burden of making sure she spends time with her father as often as possible and until I went to child support enforcement he would not pay child support ordered by the court. He claimed that because he saw her frequently I didnt deserve it, well the fact of the matter is he only saw her because I drove her back and forth on my dime. I got exhausted of taking on the physical and financial responsibilities alone. I make a good living and can afford her on my own, that is not the point. I don’t care if I make 5 million a year, her father should still contribute to his daughters care. Just the same as if I was a stay at home mom.. just because I would be able to spend all my time with my child doesnt mean her father shouldnt see her right? Then just because I can afford to spend alot of money on my daughter doesnt mean he shouldnt have to contribute financially as well.

May 21, 2012 at 11:28 am
(38) Misty says:

Child support was enforced and taken from his wages and for a year our relationship has had less problems. He knows hes contributing and I think is proud of that, I I don’t feel slighted and I think in the end our daughter benefits. My ex just notified me that he suddenly wants to live in another state. He has decided he is going ot quit his job (which is the only way we collect shild support from him) and move 1000 miles away so he wont be available physically as well.

I am all for a parent petitioning the court for a reduction in support if you are laid off, diabled or otherwise unable to make the same amount of money but my daughters needs don’t change because he decided to QUIT his job to move with his girlfriend to her hometown. A responsible parent would save up the child support needed while job hunting or rather find a job before quitting one that he has been successful at for 6 years.

My daughter is my number one priority, I would no sooner quit my job to galavant off to another state where I have no guarantee of income thereby risking my ability to care for her than I would let her play in a busy freeway. Perhaps that is why I am the custodial parent.

June 14, 2012 at 11:58 am
(39) Unknown father says:

I haven’t seen or heard from my daughter in over 14 years. I don’t even know what her voice sounds like or what she looks like. What kind of person would do that. The kind that wrote this garbage! Things need to change.

June 14, 2012 at 1:34 pm
(40) Cathy Meyer says:

@Unknown father, that means your daughter hasn’t heard from you in over 14 years too. She doesn’t even know what your voice sounds like or what you look like either.

I’m not sure what a blog post about child support has to do with you not having a relationship with your child but I do have to wonder what kind of person goes 14 years without seeing their child. You see, it is a two way street. In fact, when it comes to parents and children it is more one way that two way.

It is the parents responsibility to make sure they have a relationship with a child. It is not the child’s responsibility and in most cases if a parent doesn’t put forth the effort a child will make the assumption they are not cared for. And when a child feels they are not cared for they don’t go out of their way to have a relationship with that parent.

June 23, 2012 at 3:54 pm
(41) bob says:

It is sad that a woman still needs a man to support herself long after divorce. Sorry to break it to you but we are not in 1940′s anymore. Both parents need to work, both parents need a roof over their head, food on the table and a vehicle for transportation to provide for the child. If you can not support your child give him/her up for adoption or give him/her to the parent that can support the child. It’s time for parents to start acting like a parent. Living below your means is the key to supporting your children, her are some examples,

A mobile home instead of home you can barely afford.
get a education (last time i check you can do this online).
Stop buying legal and illegal drugs.
Do you really need that smart phone when you can get a dumb phone for half the price.
Do you really need Cable TV, we still have free TV out there, use it.
Do you really need that makeup, perfume or that manicure, no.

It is not rocket science folks, you can not continue to live like you use to when you were married so wake up. What is more important in life money or having a happy child that has both parents in their life? So far all I hear about is money.

July 5, 2012 at 8:03 pm
(42) lostmom says:

This is truly sad.

I’m sorry, but when did money become more important to children than parents?

I was a stay at home mother for my children’s entire childhood, except for the times I went to work when my ex refused to. Guess what, I didn’t get custody of the children. He got custody because he bullied and intimidated me until I couldn’t take it anymore. He still bullies and intimidates me out of being able to see my children, and takes me to court regularly over child support, reveling in his opportunity for revenge because I don’t have enough money to pay it regularly. He accuses me of not even trying to see my children, when I send him regular emails to try to set up meetings that never happen because he refuses to cooperate.

Have I tried to have it modified? Yes, but I can’t afford a lawyer to do it for me, so I have to rely on myself, meaning it never gets very far.

Have I tried to work things out with him so that I can see my children? That’s a resounding yes once again, but he continues to keep them from me, because I have no car and no way to come pick them up, and he won’t bring them to me, even a couple of miles to a bus stop.

It may seem to someone who sees me for 15 minutes in a courtroom like I’m not even trying, but to me, it seems like I’m hitting wall after wall and losing everything when I don’t deserve to. I even had a judge accuse me of doing drugs today when I have never touched a drug in my life. It hurt, and upset me because I never deserved to lose my children. He refused to pay his child support, and then when instead of asking for it, I went out and got a second job to make ends meet, he used it against me and took my kids. Now, he delights in keeping the threat of jail hanging over my head.

July 18, 2012 at 8:29 pm
(43) Etcetera says:

Not if the other parent is using the money for drugs and cigerettes!

August 26, 2012 at 11:57 pm
(44) ActionSpeaksLouder says:

I used a condom…her condom…and it was broken…She broke it before putting it on me and a week later she calls me telling me that she is pregnant. Now, I’m stuck paying almost half of my net income for the next 21 years.

What we all need to do is write letters to our congressmen and congresswomen. They need to hear these stories, both from males and females. I am raising my son from another marriage and never felt the need to force her to pay child support. What I want from her is to give some of her time and love to him. Not money.

Another option is to start a group and lobby outside government buildings with our stories. It is evident that our government is just as ignorant as the woman who wrote this article. If we just write about our experiences in web pages like these our voices won’t be heard. They don’t look for this kind of information.

My resolution: reward non-custodial parents for spending time with their children. The more time they spend with them, the less they pay the custodial parents. The goal is to unite parents with their children right, so even dead beat dads will be motivated to share time with their kids and eventually, both father and child will bond.

One of the people commenting stated that the child uses electricity, foods and other sources that must be paid for. Well, if the child is spending more time with the non-custodial parent, then he/she can provide that saving the custodial parent money while the non-custodial parent and child bond.

Let’s get together people and fix this broken system that’s only benefiting greedy parents and the government.

September 27, 2012 at 8:28 pm
(45) Tim says:

Cathy — I, for one, think that women should be held responsible for unwanted pregnancies (except in the case of rape)… after all, it is their body — and their responsibility to use protection and make sure their male partner uses protection. Since they were not responsible, thus needing an abortion, they should be taxed for that choice. Up to 20% of their income.

October 19, 2012 at 2:29 am
(46) Turner says:

The author of this article is a prime example of what is wrong with feminists. I’m a father who has no problem paying child support. However, the ammount I have to pay is threatening to drive me into poverty, as I am unable to support myself. As of right now, I am forking over 50% of my total income to a woman who is using our son as a tool to maintain state dependancy. Hell, she even thought about putting him up for adoption, without my input on the matter, until she found out that she would loose her apartment if she did so. Before she opted into welfare, I was already paying her more than enough money to put towards our kid.

I do not give up my rights unpon becoming a parent, and for you to preach otherwise is offensive, insane, and ignorant. you can argue that I have a parental responsability, which I do. But 50% of what I make is not okay, and being threatened with jail time if I am not able to pay that is, for lack of a better word, stupid. If anything, Child Support laws should try and facilitate the success of the non-custodial parent. After all, if that parent is able to make more money, then the child can get more money. Hell, nevermind…. Just keep the government out of affairs that are none of their buisness.

November 27, 2012 at 11:54 am
(47) Basir says:

Cathy Meyer’s premise is the typical disingenuous emotive response infested with intellectual poverty. Although, Mr. Jackson’s case is hard to defend; no condom the first time you had sex with a women you’re not married to?

Child support legislation, in regards to enforcement, is unconstitutional. Men’s 5th and 14th amendment rights are prone to violation every time a child is born. If the real concern was children then every man charged with child support would have joint custody (unless he relinquished the right).

If equality was ever a concern the State wouldn’t be the plaintiff in court; but of course they are the plaintiff because child support is meant to feed the welfare system. This explains why no one cares about father rights or how child support enforcement effects families and the hireability of non-custodial parents. The objective is for the State to generate revenue and the Fed to reward the quotas.

Funnily, women receiving support really think the State gives a damn about them. This misconception is what generates ridiculous emotive outburst like Ms. Meyer’s.

When tons of people complain about a system, then the system needs changing.

December 3, 2012 at 6:37 am
(48) Ben says:

“(40) Cathy Meyer says:
@Unknown father, that means your daughter hasnít heard from you in over 14 years too. She doesnít even know what your voice sounds like or what you look like either.”

Really? Cathy, if your kid was taken and disappeared for 14 years you would be pissed too! My Ex took my kid for 6 months and just disappeared until court. Is that my fault too? I still had to pay support then too.

The problem with society today is the sense of entitlement that people have today. My son is 12 now and he sees everything that is going on. Oh yeah by the way everything he has I paid for not in child support but out of pocket after Support because he is the most important thing in my life. That should be the rule, I pay for the stuff he needs and/or he wants if I can afford it. His mother just uses the money she saves because I am paying her bills for her to gamble with and go on cruises.

I do not understand why my ex can be a nurse making 50,000 and her husband a Psychologist making 125,000 and they petition the court for $800 a week because they couldn’t afford him. I make about $1000 a week and I still pay for everything, hence why me and my current wife (A full time student) had to move in with my mother just to survive, because in today’s economy no one can make two mortgage payments. In short, live in your means and quit expecting someone else to support you!

January 10, 2013 at 9:43 am
(49) Seinfeld says:

I’d like to comment on your words “moral obligation”. Is there a moral obligation by either or both parties to maintain the sanctity of a marriage? Is there a moral obligation of the violating party to a marriage contract, after breaking said contract, to then utilize the state to demand child support? How about after stating that they didn’t want anything from the contractually injured spouse? If there is a moral obligation, fine, that is moral, but that is not law. If legislation was dictated solely by morality, we’d be in a world of hurt on multiple facets. In addition, if legislation was dictated only on the basis of morality issues there would be so many laws dictating our behavior, from picking our noses in our cars, to cutting people off on the freeway, but neither of these examples is against the law, and if it were, what are the chances that the law enforcement or legal systems would enforce it?

Verbal contracts carry just as much weight in courts as do written contracts. How about for military members? Aren’t they indoctrinated to understand and comply by a higher/more restrictive set of rules/laws (the UCMJ), which by the way has laws dealing with many of the same topics as civil legislation.

February 2, 2013 at 5:49 pm
(50) The Real Deal says:

Hmmm, I have to say that everyones perceptions of reality or truth is based on there personal experiences or perceptions. A real mature person would acknowledge that eventhough there own perceptions of the truth is theres, its not the ultimate true. I have to ask where do we get some of these people? But thats why we have free speach in this county (a consitutional issue lol). Cathy i have to agree that the best interests of children should be the first priority, but i have to disagree with everything else and the way you present yourself. What is in the best interest of our children? This is often a personal perception issue. If you really believe that the best interest of children should take priority over consitutional issues? Then really mean it! Not make that argument only when it benifts what you precieve as your cause or truth or experience? It is often hard to act or want to do what is in the best interest of children, because the system( courts,goverment,family courts) is setup to be confitational a

February 2, 2013 at 6:26 pm
(51) The Real Deal says:

(lol ran out of space) Cont. A winner and a loser, the biggest loser, our children! If you believed in the best interest of children should take priority over consitutional issues? Then you would have to agree that the best interest of children should take priority over a peoples rights to reproduction? As i understand it that a woman can have an abortion or drop off a child at a hospital or church if she dosnt want the responsibility of being a parent? Where men only have three choices, wear a condom, don’t has sex or be a responsible parent! I find it often interesting when people talk about how how we should place the best interest of children over consitutional issues, its often used in issues regarding “being responsible as parents” which is often money (child support). In most states the issue of being responsible money wise and emotional as parents are different issues.( sept but unequal) So cathy if you agree that the best interest of our children should take priority over consitutional issues then it

February 2, 2013 at 7:32 pm
(52) The real deal says:

would mean you would have to agree that the best interest of children should take priority over the consitutional rights of a the parent who has primary custody (and lets be honest a big majority of them are of the fairer sex) rights to free travel or move anywhere( consitutional issue) Rights to privacy. (another consitutional issue) the rights to due process which most parents who have custody enjoy! (another consitutional issue) the last i heard for anything relating to visitation,custody etc we have to serve the custodial parent and have a hearing! And that includes enforcement. And also the last i have heard there was no goverment agency who enforces visitatons? Further that would also mean that the best interest of children should take priority over a parents right to get married again or divorce again? (another consitutional issue lol) I can go on and on, lol which i have sorry! The bottom line is non-custodial parents( and once again lets be honest a majority of them are males) have already had

February 2, 2013 at 8:28 pm
(53) The Real Deal says:

had alot of there consitutional rights taken away in the name if what is in the best interest of there children. The rights to privacy, there is a goverment agency( support enforcement division) who all they have to do is punch ones SSN# in a computer and they know how much you make, your address etc. The consitutional rights to due process( consitutional issue) once a child support order is in place the enforcement is in place, no court hearing on each time they want to enforce support, another words after you get behind once all they have to do is notify you of there intent to garnish your wages and they dont have to anymore! They handle modifications of childsupport amounts administratively and can change the amount payed at anytime and is enforced intill a courthearing( if you dispute it) Another words if they find cause that you are making more money and can pay more then its ordered and in place intell you dispute it( you have to file in curcuit court or request an administrative hearing) lol Try as a

February 2, 2013 at 10:17 pm
(54) The Real Deal says:

Non-Custodial parent and imagine if you just decided one day, that you wantted to selfrightously change your visitation order to see little timmy or jane for the weekends instead of maybe 4hrs a week even if you thought or it was in the best interest of the children without fileing in court and having a hearing (due process) and see where that will get you lol. Another point, the custodial parent can request that support enforcement review there case and modify it if needed, without filing in court! Other consitutional rights for non-custodial parents are also overlooked, how the burden of proof in enforcement hearings in courts always falls on the non-custodial parent to provide evidence that visitation time or the order isnt happening, and if you cant afford an lawyer and an investigator to provide evidence everytime it happens then its he said she said, and if you try without an lawyer or invesigater then you open yourself up to stalking aligations and restraining orders. In Child Support Enforcement cases

February 2, 2013 at 11:42 pm
(55) The Real Deal says:

It also is the burden of non-custodial parents to provide evidence that they paid there support. I can go on and on about not getting fair hearings and equal protection. What i find is amazing is how uneducatted people are about what is going on. Im sorry i hear about deadbeat parents who dont pay there child support, and there are deadbeats out there, and the system is overworked. But what people dont seem to understand is once you have a child support case its 100% enforceable, you maynt get the payments on time but our children will get every cent that is owed in time, unless u become disabled or die. The child support issue dosnt take into account if the oweing parent wants to get married again , or wants to start a new family, or wants to for the sake of argument go on a vacation etc, there is no excuse wothy of not being responsible and fulfilling your obligation to your kids! These reasons are unecceptable reasons to not be responsible according to the courts and alot of society. Then why is it

February 3, 2013 at 4:41 am
(56) huh says:

I think the problem with most guys isn’t intent but how it is done, for example, the hot issue now seems to be child support for children over the age of 18. Thou i cant argue intent of the states to pass these laws, who can argue against the ideal that children from divorce are more likely to be disivantaged? You would have to be a moron to disagree? Nor would anyone argue the intent of the legislation to protect them or there interest too. But what most guys and including myself have a problem with is, if the intention of the states legislation was based on need, then why not pass a law based on that requiring any parent including married parents to support there kids after they are 18 if there is a need. Once again its not intention that the problem. What is suspect, is if it was based on need and the intention was to protect? then who would be more needy then children from the foster care system who have no parents? And that the state and the courts have taken the role of parents, but to this day it haven

February 3, 2013 at 5:07 am
(57) huh says:

Seen a law or an administration rule requiring the states to support there wards for college after 18? I was told that i would have to apply for grants and loans or join the military.further who says that children from married parents are not poor or in need too. hmm kind of suspect? Stuff like this is example of how “in the best interest of our children is used by special interest groups to further there agenda! And this is only one example. No wonder there are deadbeat fathers or angry individuals and no trust! Once again its not inent that is the issue!

February 4, 2013 at 4:19 pm
(58) Sorry says:

Sorry ladys, I have to disagree, When we are talking about “what is in the best interest of children” I find it ineresting that there is billions of tax money in the enforcement of children support issues “In the name of what is in the best inerest of children” Thou i agree that child support is in the best inerest of children” It isn’t the only issue nor,is it always the most important issue! But how much real money is set aside for enforcement of parenting time? A few million? This tells me what is really the importart issues when it comes too “What is in the best interest of our children” Its sad to hear moms who have primary placement of children cry about how much it costs to raise a child etc, when it was a choice! U choose to be the primary parent? In my state the courts cant order shared parenting etc, unless both parties agree, So what does that leave us with the choice between going for primary placement parent? lets face it, eventhou the law says that there is no preference between either parents

February 4, 2013 at 5:18 pm
(59) Sorry says:

Only “What is in the best interest of the children matters” in real life its different, check the stats on who gets custody. So if one parent says no to shared parenting, then the only option is become a visitor, in my state the standard visitation schedule for children ages 0-8years old is 2-4hrs a week. There is 168hrs in a week? Are you guys saying u can’t find more time? Its in the “best interest of our children” to have the love of both parents right? I do feel for you primary placement parents , i know children cost alot, i would love to work 2 full time jobs and pay everything relatted to my child, being poor for my child is ok, i love her so much, and i don’t mind if my ex gets a better standard of living from it, she takes care of my daughter when i am not with her! But being a parent is more then money! And we ignore that, enforcement of parenting time is a joke! its a piece of paper to a primary placement parent! So ladys if you want more fathers too help with parenting and money u have got to

February 4, 2013 at 6:28 pm
(60) Sorry says:

Let us be parents, and im not talking about visitations only! You cry about how hard it is too raise a child! The costs, sickness etc etc, but you get all the perks too, Seeing your child take her/his first steps, saying there first words, being there as they go to there first day at school etc etc. God i would do anything to do that! Us fathers often get the bums rap for being “deadbeats” or “not being able to place “what is in the best interest of children first” Sorry sometimes its true, we are often too busy fighting to get our names on the birth records, or talking our exs back too court because she or he feels that the 2-4hrs can be cancelled or posponed for any wim! etc, etc. Ladys any guy would be a fool to just offer up more then 30% of there income for childsupport in the current system and attitudes! Sorry ladies if you just want someone to be responsible! Dont bother me, If you want a father or parent? Im here. thanks for your time.

April 3, 2013 at 1:16 pm
(61) D Syphrett says:

your comments are offensive as Is your prospective of non custodial parents.

you should note that married parents can change jobs and incomes and. their contribution to children without penalty or jail time… why should divorced dad’s be treated differently?

why are divorced dad’s required to prove their income to change super allocations when married fathers can not.

why can the state impute income to a father well above actual income when this is not done to married patents.

parents have constitutional rights to the pursuit of happiness and what ever career they want . they have the right to decide how to raise their children and how much to pay and what costs to pay for.

child support laws don’t recognize this our even ensure that the money is spent on expenses for the children.

child support guidelines are an outrage and a welfare system for many dispicable and dishonest parents.

in my case I can’t afford to eat and pay support because my career has changed prior to divorce, yet I was ordered to pay as if that never happened…

I’ve lost my next job as a result of trial dates and absence from work despite noticing the court for adjounment to save my job.

divorce Is ruining me and hurting my kids, yet ppl like you praise this process and the irreparable damage it does primarily to men.

June 14, 2013 at 1:22 am
(62) cory says:

I’m a father that is current on child support,. I don’t have a problem with child support, but we should have the right to 50/50 custody first before child support. It makes the law of the land have conflict and other laws can be turn over by this. I could say many other things, but mose people don’t get it!!!

December 19, 2013 at 5:20 pm
(63) Task says:

Cathy — You said, ” If you donít want a woman to become pregnant double up on the condoms and use a spermicide. That and that alone will keep you from becoming a father if you donít want to be a father and guess what, just as she planned ahead to become pregnant, you can plan ahead to keep a woman from becoming pregnant.”

Suddenly men are responsible for an issue related to the female side of reproduction? Interesting.

Concerning consensual sex shouldn’t it boil down to ‘her body, her choice’ as it does with abortion? Men have zero say in abortion even though it takes two based on your words… yet when it comes to a wanted pregnancy they are suddenly responsible for what happens???

Last I checked, sperm alone can’t make a baby… so it really comes down to the responsibility of the woman if she does not desire to be pregnant. Her body, her choice, her RESPONSIBILITY. If she doesn’t want the sperm there… she should be RESPONSIBLE. Again, I’m referring to consensual sex.

December 19, 2013 at 9:19 pm
(64) Cathy says:

@Task, I’ve been struck dumb by your comment. Really?

“Suddenly men are responsible for an issue related to the female side of reproduction?”

No, men are responsible for the male side of reproduction. Without your side there can’t be a pregnancy.

“Men have zero say in abortion even though it takes two based on your wordsÖ yet when it comes to a wanted pregnancy they are suddenly responsible for what happens???”

The fact that it takes two is a fact of life. You know, the “birds and the bees?” Men who don’t want to have to deal with abortion or unwanted pregnancies have just as much power as women do. They have the power to not engage in an activity that may end in pregnancy.

And yes, if you and a woman decide you want to become pregnant then you are partially responsible for what happened. She didn’t do it on her own.

“If she doesnít want the sperm thereÖ she should be RESPONSIBLE.” And who is responsible if you don’t want a pregnancy? Her? It doesn’t take an egg alone to get pregnant Task. As individuals we are each equally responsible for our choice to either reproduce or not to reproduce. You have to ability to not get a woman pregnant. If you fail to behave responsibly and get a woman pregnant then you bare responsibility for that.

It’s your sperm, it can’t go where you don’t put it. If you choose to put it somewhere and a pregnancy results you can lay blame for that on a woman. That is a 50/50 job.

Leave a Comment

Line and paragraph breaks are automatic. Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title="">, <b>, <i>, <strike>

©2014 About.com. All rights reserved.