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Cathy Meyer

What Should You Do When Your Ex Manipulates Your Child And A Situation Against You?

By May 6, 2009

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I opened my email this morning to find this question from a reader. “If I have proof that my ex is manipulating my child and using her against me what should I do?

Dealing recently with a situation in which my ex has manipulated not only my child but a situation involving my child I can only reply with what I felt was best for me to do in such a situation.

I think it is important that, as parents we refuse to play the game some angry ex spouses seem hell bent to play. I also know that, as parents our first instinct is to fight for our children and fight fire with fire.

If you stop and think about it though, fighting fire with fire only puts our children in the middle and makes them victims of a dispute between their parents.

When it comes to my son there is one thing I know for sure, he has been victimized enough. His father went five and one half years with no contact with him. He was given ample opportunity to have a relationship with his son. I have emails I wrote him encouraging a relationship, my mother called him on two occasions and pleaded with him to give the boy some of his time. On top of that there were four different therapists over the years that offered to work with him in a counseling setting to help rebuild his relationship with both his sons. He chose to stand back, do nothing and accuse me of parental alienation.

Now that he has his son in his life again he is withholding information from me. He is making decisions about our son’s health that are damaging to our son and obstructing my ability to communicate with our son per a court order.

There was an incident recently and my first reaction was to hire an attorney, file a motion with the courts and do whatever I could to get my son back home and away from this person who I feel does not have my son’s best interest in mind.

After talking to an attorney and writing a big check I came home and started thinking. I put my emotions to the side and put some thought into what another legal battle with his father would mean for our son. Someone who didn’t want to go live with his father in the first place.

Over the last five months my son has been forced into a situation he didn’t want to be in. He had to adjust to a new home and environment. He was pulled out of the school he had gone to for years and would have graduated from this year. He was pulled away from friends and family who had been a part of his life and comfort zone for years.

After thinking about it I realized my son has been through enough. He has settled in with his father, is now back on his medication and the last thing he needs is more upheaval in his life and the stress of knowing his parents are battling each other legally.

When we see an ex doing something we feel is damaging to a child we need to be able to take a step back and put thought into what striking out at an ex will do to that child. Unless a child is in immediate danger and you fear for their safety my advice is to consider your child’s needs first and not your need to make an example of an ex spouse.

I could have taken my ex to court and won. In the end my son would have been the loser and I’m not willing to put him in that position just so I can win against my ex. I will continue to show my son that I love him, that he has a place to come if he ever wants to come home again.

You see, I know this much…children grow up, they become wiser and in the end will see clearly how their parents used them. The one thing I don’t ever want my son to be able to say to himself was that I used him against his father.

At times life puts us in the middle of situations that call for patience and the use of good common sense. If you are in such a situation with a child and an angry ex, just sit back and wait. Don’t play the game and your child will one day realize who had their best interest in mind all along.

Comments
May 6, 2009 at 11:38 am
(1) john smith says:

yeah I’m going through the same thing with my sons mouther, and now she’s moved away curtsy of the government, I never known her to have full time employment , yet she has moved seven times, each time she moves the government foot the bill and pay her rent.

May 14, 2009 at 9:21 am
(2) jason says:

I have a hard time following your story. It doesn’t make sense in a lot of areas, perhaps skewed to make your point.

As a parent, you have to weigh the cost of fighting “the good fight”. The lawyers tab, toll on the kids, yourself, and even the dreaded ex, which must flow down to the kids. I found that by changing how I dealt with my ex-wife, she had to change how she dealt with me. She’s still a deadbeat, but I’m no longer a potential villain for taking money from her.

May 26, 2009 at 1:38 pm
(3) Jason says:

I wonder if your son can Google…

May 26, 2009 at 2:11 pm
(4) divorcesupport says:

Jason, my story may seem skewed because there are details left out that, out of respect for my son I will not discuss here.

I wish in my situation that it was as simple as changing out I deal with my ex. I’m an expert on the subject. I know first hand that if you want to illicet change in someone else you have to first start with yourself.

I’ve tried everything with my ex. NOTHING changes his response to me. Now I have to let go of my need to civilly co-parent with him and as always put my child’s best interest first.

And yes, my son can google. I’ve written nothing here that I mind my son reading. He knows his story and if he googles and finds this blog he now knows that I chose to not pursue his father legally out of concern for him being put in the middle.

The good news about my son is, he has very little interst in what his mother does for a living.

At this time in his life he is wrapped up in his girlfriend and his car. I doubt seriously he spends any time googling me. If he does though, he won’t find anything that will do him harm.

October 7, 2009 at 8:09 pm
(5) pete says:

In theory I agree with you, but how do you get over losing all that time with your son? My ex manipulates like you have never seen. She is pure evil and the court system does nothing about it. It drives me crazy. Something is wrong here. This bitch of an ex is crazy, out of her mind. I wish I had the guts to just forget about my son and move on.

December 28, 2009 at 2:32 pm
(6) Toni says:

Great Advice with children without learning disabilities. My Ex has had our son (19 years old)declared an incapacitated adult (high funcitoning ADHD), in order for me to pay child support forever. I was a stay at home Mom for 15 years. I am now struggling at 50 YOA to find a job. My Ex enjoys a $100,000+ an a top notch attorney. My EX has perpetuated his abuse through the AZ courts.

January 10, 2010 at 4:42 pm
(7) Ashley says:

My heart recently got torn into a situation where my fiance’s daughter is with a horrible 22 year old woman and a felon convicted drunk boyfriend whom she’s having a another baby with. She constantly skips out on work and tells him he has to pay her obscene amounts of support (mostly to pay for her boyfriend’s court bills when he gets arrested)..

It’s heartwrenching to me because I have no choice but to sit here and just wait. I’m not legally anything to this except someone that his daughter runs to when she sees me and always just wants me to hold her cause I actually show her love unlike her mother that yells and cusses at her. It’s so hard when they’re only 3 and so innocent and you have to just sit and watch everything go on and be an hour an a half away and constantly watch your partner be accused of not caring when he goes to bed crying every night just missing his daughter and I do to. I miss her so much.

We have come to the conclusion that we will not fight with heresay but if she messes up and goes back to drugs like we know she will, we will be RIGHT there to break the fall and take care of his daughter.

She’s a little angel and I never thought I would love a child that wasn’t my own this much. I’d be perfectly content not having a child and just giving her the childhood I had.

January 24, 2010 at 9:17 pm
(8) AH says:

What you stated might be best in some situations, but I do not beleive there is always just one plian and simple way to solve everything. Some people if they have good proof that their ex is taking their child around things that could harm their children ti might be what is best for that child to go to court. If you don’t have proof ya what can you do, but hope and show your child what is wright and hope they see the difference, but if you do have proof then would you rather your child be raised around drugs, drunks,criminals, and manipulators or would rather just leave them in that situation so you don’t have your child see a court battle that could possible protect them. Which you know is probably waht a lot of parents are wanting to do. That is their instinct.

February 8, 2010 at 7:32 pm
(9) lkt says:

My husband and I have been together for 2 1/2 years, married only recently. His ex of almost 5 years is very manipulative, but she puts on a show for everyone that hasn’t figured out what she is and how she is. She has used the kids and still does. She walked out on them, she was drinking all the time, do drugs, sleeping with every man that walked the streets, and the only reason my husband didn’t fight for custody was because of his job. He was unable to find someone to care for them at 4 am and until 8 pm sometimes. He had to drive 2 hours to work and 2 hours home. She wants to control him still to this day. She did used to have him wrapped around her finger until he realized things, but now he is having a hard time punishing the kids when they get in trouble because he is so afraid his ex will make it to where they won’t want to see him at all. They get by with everything there….she is a deadbeat mother; she hasn’t worked in 12 years, broke him, she still doesn’t work and she is very capable. She wants more child support, she is crazy. She wants to tell him how to run his house and how to take care of the kids when he was the one there taking care of them when she was out getting drunk or high or having sex with someone else. Let me tell you she is a piece of work. She also has a daughter from a previous marriage that a few years ago decided she was not going back to her mothers. She stayed with her father and told her mother she didn’t want to live with her. Recently the daughter was assaulted by her mother’s boyfriend and her mother, her father pressed charges against the boyfriend, he was arrested and her mother bailed boyfriend out the same night, we tried to get my husbands’ kids and there was nothing we could do because it didn’t happen to them. Then we the boyfriend went to court the prosecuting attorney dropped charges even though there were pictures and statement. I don’t get it. she doesn’t want anything to do with her mother at all. She also used to lock make the kids go to their rooms when her boyfriend was over, before they lived together and after they started living together. My husband feels sorry for the kids and used to get them whatever they wanted even if he didn’t have the money. He still wants to do that. I have kids of my own which have respect for others and good all around kids. His are not that way. Help!

February 15, 2010 at 12:29 pm
(10) Mother Bear says:

Parental Alienation-I hope more people start to take this seriously. ITS NOT JUST HAPPENING TO MEN!!! Once upon a time, the mother automatically got custody of the kids (not that this was always the best case scenario). No blanket decision or precedence can be used for these types of cases. There are too many variables. Now, to make up for lost time, the pendulum has completely swung the other way. In Amarillo, TX the courts have gone absolutely psycho (only 2 judges) with taking away kids from the mothers SIMPLY for opposing sole custody to the father. My ex was a drunk and beat me up the night he left. I have pics of bruises that were even made fun of by his attorney in court 2 weeks later when they awarded custody to him and kicked me out of the house. My boys were 10 mos. and 22 mos. old and were kidnapped from their mother. That was 4 years ago. My ex’s new wife has decided that she is their mother now and I have no rights to them. My ex tells me that I am just a “brood mare and only gave birth to them”. I have to pay child support and I have not seen my boys since April 2009. My ex knows people and his family has $. His attorney is the wife of the family court judge, so the case has been heard by the criminal court judge with no representation for the boys. I understand that kids grow up and will “see the light” but what to do in the meantime while he is raising them with the same kind of skewed values that he was raised with? My boys have no other choices, I have been eliminated from their lives with the assistance of my own attorney and the courts simply because my ex does not like me anymore. When does this stop and who is going to stop it? Am I supposed to sacrifice my kids to an inbred sociopath and his narcissistic wife just to keep from hurting someone’s feelings or self esteem? People keep saying, “the boys will see the truth someday”. And so continues the never ending cycle of generational abuse. No thank you. I will call you from jail if I have to but my boys will NEVER think that I abandoned them or did not love them. I am their mother and I will continue to fight to protect them whether I can see them or not. I don’t care if I have to stand on the street corner and wave and holler as they go by, I will not be eliminated from their lives. Which is worse? Seeing their mother fighting for them and never giving up or never seeing their mother at all?

March 22, 2010 at 4:02 pm
(11) NoHOPE says:

Im going through a battle as we speak. My ex took me to court and won Temp. Custody of our son almost two years ago. I though of my son and what he wanted, which was to live with his father, and I also thought he might benefit from living with his father. About 6 months agao I started noticing my sons weight going up and my son not being able to be as active as he was at my home. Then right before mediation I received his report card and his weight, he is failing 4 core classes and he is 12 weighs 286 lbs. My line to cross was when his health is an issue. My fear is more than just an ex being scorned, my sons health is a major concern, as well as his education. My son is not the same person he was when he left almost 2 years ago. Not to mention our relationship has diminished. In mediation I changed my position to settling to fighting for my sons life.

Although Im trying to fight, my ex has cost me over 25,000.00 in other litigations over this. Now my attorney wants another 25,000.00 to pursue this. I think that it is really unfair that I can not get my son back because I dont have that kind of money. My ex owns two companies and gives our son everything plus allows him to eat three times a day at fast food resturants. This is why many PARENTS have to give up on their kids because litigation cost so much, and there is not many people out there willing to do the best thing for the child without money. It really upsets me that I have to sit back and allow my ex to have our son and his health is no concern. I pay child support and provide insurance, so why cant he get him to a specialist or a weight management program, because he tells me its his son and he will do what he wants.

If anyone knows anyone out there that might think child obesity is important and willing to help, I will take suggestions!

August 27, 2010 at 4:40 pm
(12) Erika says:

What about if a parent has brainwashed the child into believe it is their dissusion not to have anything to do with the other parent. now the parent wants the other parent to sign away their rights. should they sign away their rights? I don’t think the child truly feels the way he/she says.

October 6, 2010 at 11:58 pm
(13) Heather says:

My son is 4 and a half.His father tried to make me mis carry putting the breaks on hard in the car,demanded an abortion untill I was six months,at 8mnths he thought he snapped my neck killing me and our son in my belly.After my son was born in dec 2005 weeks later the abuse continued.My son witnessed the abuse indured it.My son never became attached to his father and wittnessed abuse my ex would grab our son from his crib while sleeping or in it cause I put him there to get him away from my ex to call police my ex would grab our son from crib son screaming and crying as my ex held him tight threatening our lives so I would not call police untill well still now.My son still wittnesses abuse between my ex’s new girlfriends goes threw abuse by my ex.Is now again having night terrors,rage fits,depression,sais he wants to die.He has been diagnosed with ptsd at 4nhalf.My ex psych eval. shows narsicism,anti establishment,pathelogical lieing,personality disorder along with 3 more.Our son was never attached to his father father never wnted anything to do with our son untill after having to pay child support drug charges and then finally moving in with his girlfriend she knew she was sleeping with him at the same time I was.Then my ex wants custody.Two years I have been trying to get the courts to finalize me having full custody and his father supervised visitation due to our childs mental well being and physical.THE COURTS HAVE DONE AND WILL DO NOTHING,THEY CONTINUE TO LET MY EX MANIPULATE THE COURT SYSTEM.After I file a protection order the Judge pulls out the file and complains how this case has been going on for 2yrs and how thick the file is!I ASK MYSELF THE SAME WHY?WHY? and WHY will NO ONE HELP PROTECT MY CHILD I HAVE WILLINGLY RAISED WITH LOVE AND SACRIFICE>SO my child is going to have to go threw another weekend of torture his father and girlfriend making up songs about how I am a bully,bad mean etc so my son will tell his therapist this!NO ONE IS WILLING OR HELPING ME KEEP MY SON SAFE!Right now he is crying in his sleep due to seeing his father today,he is missing school is coming home with notes due to his behaviour from the abuse.What do I do pack our bags and just go?

November 3, 2010 at 7:53 pm
(14) Britboy says:

This is very sad reading..

How on earth any judge comes to a decision on these cases is a mystery to me, as in every case it is only ever the lawyers – attorneys – that win.

Here is a thought – if as a car mechanic, you provided a service that was so incompetent that your customer’s life was ruined, you would be fined and/or imprisoned. Does nobody monitor outcomes in family law?

February 2, 2011 at 11:43 am
(15) Mommiesgirl'snKS says:

I have been in the Family Court System dealing with the same judge for the last 4 yrs. I have been fighting for my 2 little girls whom their father threatened my life and their lives and their brothers lives and the rest of my family in 04. This is while he was seeing his now wife. I have a report of domestic violence against their father. I even moved over 1300 miles away only for the father to lie to the court and say I am not giving him his parenting time. When before I even left the state we made arrangements for him to have the children for 1 week and me to have them the next he chose not to do so, and I had proof of it. .

February 2, 2011 at 11:45 am
(16) Mommiesgirl'snKS says:

When we first went to court he hired a high priced attorney who got everything he asked for and my legal aid did nothing for me and my children. You see my 2 older boys were beaten by this man while I was at work and locked in closets and the oldest one is now deaf in one ear due to the beating he substained from this man. Only to be told in court by the fathers attorney if it was not reported it NEVER HAPPENED!!! But it did things are still comming out with the boys 6 yrs later of what this man threatened he would do to them. This is the same man that I saw beat his 2 little girls for potting their pants while potty training. This is tha same man that waanted NOTHING TO DO WITH HIS OTHER 4 CHILDREN 1st marriage. Then a yr later after our first court hearting in 07 he kidnaps the girl and the courts do noting to him. I am blackmailed by the judge to drop all charges against the father or he will take my girls away from me and give them to their father. I am told by the judge that he does not want to HEAR or SEE MY EVIDENCE AND TO SIT DOWN AND SHUTUP! I followed the court orders and was place in jail NO charges against me, but the judge called my work and jepardizes my job. This man has went after my oldest son, myself, my now husband, saying we have harmed the girls and it has been unsubstantiated all 3 times. The has commited purjery and has choosen not to follow the court orders. He even has tried to change and make up new court orders, even had them changed after me leaving the court ( I was never notified, as I am acting as my own attorney due to the cost of an attorney). When the father was to have his summer visits I notified him only to have to wait for 2 months for him to reply and say I will be taking my summer visit at this time and it was when he was to have the girls back and it was our time to enjoy what was left of summer and our planed vacation time.

February 2, 2011 at 11:46 am
(17) Mommiesgirl'snKS says:

This has went on for the last 2 yrs and then when he does get the girls he does not alow me and the girls to talk in any form, comes up with excuses, ( out of cell phone range, locked keys in car, on texting avaible, or I don’t have to text you I will be late untill you are ready to leave, lost track of time, brings children home at 11pm when it was aggred on 6 pm) but in the court order we MUST MAINTAIN texting capabilities. This has gone on for 2 yrs so I choose to go back to court because the girls did not want to go with him and the 2 yrs of councling has told the girls THEY DO HAVE A CHOICE!!!!

February 2, 2011 at 11:47 am
(18) Mommiesgirl'snKS says:

I ask the court for clarification of the court orders because it was confusing to both parties to have more then one court order open at the same time. This is what happened the fathers 3rd attorney in 3yrs said I did not want him to have his winter brake with the girls so that is what the judge put on the books I never got to speak it was not so. We then went back to court 10 days later and was told to have the girls there to which I did, only to go thru 2.5 hours of the fathers lies and my rebutting of what I could ( without an attorney) to have the judge come back yelling at me saying the father gets the kids for winter brake when will he have them back?

February 2, 2011 at 11:48 am
(19) Mommiesgirl'snKS says:

The father stated by 8 pm 8 days later it was oked I asked if it could be an earlier time due to the children having to be up for school at 5 am and we would still have to drive home 40 minutes and then showers and the judge said NO. I then receive in the mail 2 days later that my children were taken away from me the judge gave the father custody of the girls and I now have supervised visits in the internet every Sun for 30 min if allowed by the father and his wife. Then there is a no CONTACT ORDER FOR THE FATHER my ex boyfriend and his wife against myself ad my husband we can not contact them in any way fashion or form. Yet they are suppervvising the visit every week to which they asked for and then any other visits I have to ask the court and the father and his wife if and when I want to visit is ok and agreed appond by then is ok with the court and the father and his wife but I have a NO CONTACT ORDER WITH THE FATHER AND WIFE????? I can not talk about anything peer the rules that the father and his wife have set up for me and the children I am told the children and I do not have CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS by the father and his wife, my visits are for only 5 mins. not the 30 mins if the girls cry because they miss me or their pets or any other family members that they have been around for ever. Oh yeah when they kidnaped the children just 2.5 yrs ago the children were told they were FAT only allow ONE MEAL A DAY, forced to clean the whole house and after the wifes part time children forced to give everything to the wifes daughter, and to cater to her son, and then to top it off the my youngest daughter had to and still does have to share underware and clothes and they have to sleep in the same bed together. Well in the state that their in it ias against the law but I have had no help there either. The only THING IS THAT I FEAR EVERY DAY FOR THE SAFTEY OF MY GIRLS !!! WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MINE WOULD GIVE SOMEWONE WHO THREATENED TO KILL THEM CUSTODY OF THEM?

February 2, 2011 at 11:48 am
(20) Mommiesgirl'snKS says:

I DON’T DO DRUGS, DRINK,SMOKE,MY ONLY VICE IS THE SAFTEY IS MY CHILDRENS LIVES. Like so many put it before I will fight for my girls and my boys ( who are of age now) as I am the one who finished giving them life, it took their father and me but it was I that was there for 42 weeks feeding, nurtureing a new life as that life change me into being a protector and I will die for that life that I helped create. I will go to jail but I will let that life fell and experience life, with out a dought. AS I FEAR FOR THEIR LIVES EVERY DAY THEY HAVE TO BE IN THIS HOME ! Oh yeah did I forget the fathers wife at 32 has had 14 babies and 10 of them are DEAD 3 WERE TAKEN AWAY FROM HER SHE DOES NOT HAVE CUSTODY AND THEY POST DEAD BABIES ON THE INTERNET!!!!!!
IF ANY ONE CAN HELP I WOULD LOVE IT FOR THE CHILDREN I have tried every where and nothing no attorney will touch it !!! Or can’t help me This is not for me it is for the saftey of my children that I ask

June 23, 2011 at 11:56 pm
(21) Christine says:

Well as a parent KNOWING that the ex isn’t the right person I will fight till the end. Even if my child thinks that he is in the right place, that is where He is a child and I’m the parent. If the other parent is a manipulater then why would you ever give your child over to them? Even the stupid courts. I ‘d NEVER let my child be manipulated and brought up in a situation that as a mother I left in the FIRST place.

May 19, 2012 at 4:31 pm
(22) mommyof5inks says:

Mommygrlinks…please get ahold of me…Kay Young on facebook.

June 4, 2012 at 7:22 am
(23) Benandre says:

I miss my child so much the tears are clogging this page but I also am the passive parent and I went through the same struggles, to hire yet another attorney would only give my ex the ammunition he wants and fuel the fire under his evil manipulitave feet.

When the fire burns out , they know that they always ALWAYS have one home and one parent they can go to with unconditional love and open arms

Thats my way

June 4, 2012 at 7:28 am
(24) Benandre says:

Im right there with you, OP
Im the passive parent , and have been duped by my ex for over 12 years , The pain is so great , that the tears are rolling as i speak. But i also know , as did you that to hire and pay for yet another attorney is only fueling his fire and the money im throwing away is money i could be using for something useful and fulfilling

Because what makes us think after 12 years of doing as he pleases against 7 attorneys and judges and court orders that he will suddenely have a change of heart and obey the rules? Its NOT GONNA HAPPEN!
So i will continue to be my passive loving nuturing self and they know they have a secure unconditional loving parent to come home to !

July 19, 2012 at 12:12 am
(25) Liz says:

Please let me say…I have been doing this for three years now. Not playing the game, sitting back and waiting while the years fly by and my children change before I can realize. I love my children so much my heart breaks a million times a day. I often find myself crying until I can’t cry any more. Not for me but for my children. I have twin girls that their father tells them they have to hate me. They get into trouble if they show any kind of emotion for me. Be it love or sorrow. Everyone has told me to sit back and in the end they will know you loved them for not putting them through it even more by fighting. However my children are growing up and I am on the sideline not being able to experience it. I miss their laughter, giggles and the footsteps running around. My mind keeps telling me I better stand up and fight before it’s too late. How do you live without your children? I’ve been trying and I can’t. He makes it so hard for me to see them and they will never talk to me on the phone because even that shows too much affection for me. God forbid they even ask to talk to me. I don’t blame them for being afraid of him because I’m afraid of him and I’m a grown woman. What I want is for everyone to please pray for my children to still find away to be happy. Thank you.

August 13, 2012 at 1:22 am
(26) Olga says:

WE ALL JUST NEED TO FIGHT !!! ADN NEVER GIVE UP!!!

September 13, 2012 at 3:27 am
(27) KayJay says:

Dear motherbear (#10) or anyone else that matches her post…. I am living that, as we speak. I really need someone to talk to. Our stories are so simliar. The only think I can add, is my ex husbands girlfriend, is actually helping us. If not for her, I’d be way worse. He is a full blown alcoholic and has involved our children in his drug activity. He has them lie for him. My children are begging to come home. I am going to lose my mind, if I don’t talk to someone who understands. My family and friends are awesome, but they are not the one’s crying and worrying every single night. PLEASE…. contact me or anyone who can idenify with #10′s comment. Thank you!

October 1, 2012 at 12:07 pm
(28) IBFEDUP says:

I am going through a similiar situation I guess. Sorry I didn’t read every single post. I am in a new relationship and my ex has completely denied me my rights according to the shared parenting agreement. Now, I have never been a drinker, a drug addict or anything of that nature and she knows this. We were married for 10 years. I contributed and was envolved in everything with regards to the kids. Now all of a sudden I am being treated like a criminal. We were separated several times throughout or marriage and she always attacks me with the kids. So I go to court and the judge basically looks at me and talks to me like I am scum of the earth. To sum this all up, I am tired of fighting her over something that has already been done for over a year. We have to go to mediation and see where that goes. I do know this. I am not sacrificing my relationship with my fiance just to appeal to this woman and I should not have to explain the inner workings of my personal life with her or the court. It is ridiculous. I also will not subject myself to any kind of supervised visitation which is what she is going for. I feel that if I were to settle for that I would be admitting that I have done something wrong when I have done nothing. I love my children with all my heart but enough is enough already. I am not battling her in court. It means I have to sacrifice time away from my job which I cannot do and money which I do not have. I also do not feel that it would be within my best interest to fight her in court because it will affect the kids. I am definitely at a crossroads with this.

October 11, 2012 at 10:27 am
(29) Rebecca says:

I am going through a tough time. I have 3 boys by my ex and when my oldest son was 7 he went to live with his grandparents and his father. He hated living with me and boyfriend (who is now my husband.) The choice to leave was my sons and he caused a lot of trouble (police wise) that I gave in and let him leave. BAD MISTAKE!!! His father is a loser who never worked (was supported by his parents), when he did work, he got (faked) getting hurt so he could collect workmans comp. and get pain pills (which he became addicted to)The ex goes to hospital after hospital to get pain pills. He moves constantly cause he doesn’t pay rent and then gets evicted. My oldest son has moved so many times I have lost track. Now he is 24 and still no job for either of them (they still live together) and they are dragging down the other two boys(the 2 that were raised by me) My 2 have worked and supported them selfs since they were 13, they both have good jobs and feel they should help there father and brother cause they don’t have anything. I get so upset cause even though they both work, they still live with me and their step dad, and I don’t want them to end up like them. I really don’t know my oldest son cause he never when younger wanted to come to my house , his brothers would visit him at his grandparents house. So he now blames me for not taking more interest in him. And i didn’t give him what I gave his brothers. He is a very angry young man at me for my lack of parenting. His father egg’s him on, saying that I spoiled his brother and had no time for him. I just don’t know what to do. I am really worried about my 2 sons and how this is affecting them. Last night my oldest snapped and took some drugs wanting to kill him self and even though is is OK he is in the mental health center at the local hospital and his brother and father are with him and he doesn’t want me anywhere near him. What should/could I do.

October 13, 2012 at 4:39 pm
(30) Kerri says:

My ex has manipulated the system and the kids for seven years…why does he win? one answer…money. judges dont care about the true interests of the kid…its all about who has more money to spend on attorneys. the judge will still go home and eat dinner with their kids everynight and so will the attorneys…with money filled pockets lined from sad individuals putting poor kids in their nasty battles.
I am a mother…and a very good one…i dont do drugs, or drink..(yet my ex drinks everynight while he has MY kids)…he lies to the kids to turn them against me and i only see my kids every other weekend…that is if he doesnt make them mad at me for a made up reason.
I could go on…but long story short, here they would have a loving mother who wouldnt ‘use’ them…but, i dont have a rich brother who writes blank checks for me!

October 15, 2012 at 4:20 pm
(31) The other parent says:

I am the father who loves his children but can’t afford every thing that mommy signs my daughters up for. My ex has borderline personality disorder, but is very well financed by her family. I wish I could win the lottery and and be able to pay for the best college, wedding, and car; however my ex is hell bent on turning my girls against me. She recently took me to court. If she paid what I paid for an attorney she wasted at least $1700 that could have been used on our daughters just to end up right back where we started. My advise to any LOVING father…… have your wife or soon to be ex tested for mental illness’. if she has my way or the highway issues….I’ll keep you in my prayers.

October 15, 2012 at 6:20 pm
(32) Jim Bo Woodruff says:

Both parents deserve a role in the child’s life. The child is not _only_ one of the parent’s children. It’s a little shameful, I think, to attempt to eliminate one parent from the child’s life. Both parents deserve a decent amount of time with their children.

December 13, 2012 at 1:55 pm
(33) Ulises says:

My sons mom wont let me know how he is doing, i have to call her several times just to talk to him, she left to california with my son and left me and our 14 yr old daughter with me, I know she is using my son against me, is there anything i can do without having to go to court, we are still married.

December 25, 2012 at 8:23 pm
(34) Shantel says:

I’m trying to get my daughter back. She is only 6yrs old. Court ordered I’m only to see her 2hrs at a place where is not safe for her. Her father does not speek of me, and wishes I would walk away. I lost custody over a DUI. Stayed clean for a 1yr now and still courts find it hard to give my daughter to me in my own home. The court system seems to be punishing my daughter…

January 8, 2013 at 6:27 am
(35) jan says:

hi all i can relate here to alot of whats been said …. my childs father had little or no contact with his son when he left … yes i was angry and bitter but not enough to ever come between a child and fathers relationship but in the end i had no choice but to tell him when he did decide to fit him in for an hour …. no … nomore i couldnt watch my son suffer when he got older and told his father if he was serious he had to apply to the courts and i had to stick to my ground and not let him know nothing about him …. then i got the papers in the door a couple of months later and then i was happy that something stable would be put in place and legal …. he wanted joint custody and was great with his child …. then the courts were over and my nightmare began ….. iv not been able to speak to my child for the days he had the child ….. he makes decisions without consulting me ….. he thretens me …. he pressures me … and he works and leaves my child with people that i dont know about …. when i tried holding my child back cause i could see the change he got a bench warrent out for my arrest …. im tired of trying to be nice for peace my childs only 3.

February 11, 2013 at 1:06 pm
(36) Brandee says:

My ex keeps on asking our daughter to send him money while he is in jail. It’s really starting to make me mad. He hasn’t really been in her life. In and out of jail. He has been in jail for about 4 years now. I want to write him but just now sure how to put it to him.

February 27, 2013 at 1:01 pm
(37) Paul Roy says:

Thank you so much,I could not agree more. This was my same thought,and after reading this I feel so much better about my decision.My kids have been through so much already. Continuing to show my love and support to them is the better idea.Holding true to who I am will show them in the long run who was right. Slow and steady wins the race as they say.

April 1, 2013 at 2:06 pm
(38) Frustrated says:

My husbands ex wife is very manuiplative. My step-daughter is almost 9 and we have had her 90% of the time for her entire life. We provide everything for her. Whenever his ex wants something from my husband she threatens to take away his visitation of his daughter and ask for more money. He grades are slipping, she is forced to get up at 5 am and drive around on a school bus for hours before school (her mom drives a bus). It has affected her emotionally, she begs us to let her stay with us and crys to come home constantly. We were just awarded custody of her and now his ex is so enraged that her child support is ending that she is forcing my step daughter to read court documents and telling her my husband is trying to keep her away from her mother so she never sees her again. That is by far not the truth and I just can’t imagine causing pain to a child like that. I hope she will someday understand everything her mother has done to her but it is very painful waiting….

April 5, 2013 at 10:13 am
(39) TearsinHeaven says:

I could almost have written this….Now that he poisoned my sweet sweet boy and turned him into the thing i feared most _ A miniature “HIM” my heart feels stripped, but i also have no recourse, He ripped them from me holiday after holiday, weekend after weekend, Force me to take them to ENDLESS meetings he makes sure to “enroll” them in, against my say and will, and does as he pleases, controlling, manipulating, just as he did myself. Now hes got my sweet boy, hes working on my daughter who is starting to show me attitude and disrespect (when he is present)
My heart feel overwhelmed from not being able to see my sweet sweet babies, but when i go to the courts, this family is so entwined and politically involved in the community, that i pretty much get slammed there, at the police and sheriff and all around. I feel helpless & like a wounded child trapped in a corner …..Ive put up with this man for over 17 year and i still feel manipulated and repulsed by his unforgiving demands and unapologetic orders , as though HE IS THE JUDGE and HE is GOD…..

April 17, 2013 at 8:04 am
(40) Jennifer says:

This is exactly what I needed to hear. For many years my ex-husband has insulted and bashed me to family, friends and anyone who would listen. I have remained quiet, not wanting my son to ever hear any bad talk about his father. My son is a few days away from being 18 and now I hear him saying many of the same things his father has said about me. It’s breaking my heart, I Cry everday, never in front of my son, (his father called to laugh at me yesterday when he found out I was upset-he loves it when I am miserable)… Part of me wants to fight back and explain to my son why his father is the way he is (resentful and meen) but I know that the right thing to do is continue to look the other way (turn the other cheek as they say). One day my son will think for himself and with any luck my ex will find something else to do. Thank you for sharing your story.

April 25, 2013 at 9:57 pm
(41) Ex back experts says:

Hi, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one and i was
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stop it, any plugin or anything you can recommend? I get so much lately
it’s driving me crazy so any help is very much appreciated.

May 13, 2013 at 7:52 pm
(42) John says:

If you knowingly let the child’s other parent endanger the safety and well-being of the child just to avoid litigation that the child probably wont be aware of (unless told by a parent or judge requesting to interview the child). You are a bad parent.

May 19, 2013 at 11:17 pm
(43) shwetaagarwal says:

An uncaring father snatched custody of 6 year old son from me -he kidnapped the child from me,my two sons(elder son,16yrs-genetic disorder albinism,so husband least interested in him,younge 8yrs) and me were seperate from 2years after he threw us out of his house(5 yrs from now).i stood on my feet,12 years after marriage,we still not divorced -he stays out of house till late night for company of a woman-whom he has provided a house) .he enjoyed woman/drink till late nights as routine.finally he threw us out.when i reported kidnap of my son to police ,they did nothing.i filed a case for my son.i got the interim custody for a year ,meanwhile husband manipulated ,hired an advocate linked to judge,and bought my own advocate,finally i lost the interim custody,case still pending,husband using all means to not let the date happen.i have visiting rights-which he hampers in every manner.i visit my son maximum possible time and take care of his mental,emotional,moral needs in hostel,giving him complete quality time.with all my financial n physical (hostel is at husband’s city)limitations,i am doing utmost best for young one at hostel (living between immoral values n hostile atmosphere towards me/elder bro’ at husbands house in vacations).i suffer the agony of missing my son every moment in vacations.gifts i give to my son are hidden,so he wont have any thing to remember me. WE MOTHERS SHOULD COME TOGETHER AND FIGHT THIS INJUSTICE,AFTER ALL WE HAVE GIVEN OUR BLOOD AND MUSCLES TO OUR KIDS ,HOW WE CAN BE MADE TO SUFFER BY BEING SNATCHED THE LIFE WE BROUGHT TO EARTH.

June 17, 2013 at 11:47 pm
(44) Anon says:

To Liz (#25)

I understand you are truly a selfless and caring person and I applaud you for your courage to care so greatly. My thoughts and prayers have been with you over this course of time and I wonder today how you are coping with your life with and whether your need to exchange sadness for happiness continues without your children?

June 26, 2013 at 4:13 pm
(45) senesha says:

i have a problem and its driving me insane. I broke up with my sons father and i have moved on to another unit. The problem he doesnt want me to see my son neither in person nor o talk on the phone. He doesnt keep abreast of anything thats going n in my sons life. no reports ,no assignment nothing at all, when i call he doesnt answer. what do i do

June 29, 2013 at 6:09 pm
(46) miami305 says:

im currently going through a situation, where the mother hasnt done a DNA test on me, constantly bashing me and telling me im worthless. But i dont let that get to me. But the thing that bothers me is that she is threating me with Court and Child support. ive asked her nicely to give me the DNA test and to stop texting me. She uses this situation as a leverage using my son as an excuse. Plus she texted me a few month ago that the child died at the hospital. Can some one please advice me how i can go to court and show that she is unhealthy for my child?

July 2, 2013 at 2:22 pm
(47) joanna billingham says:

god my heart goes out to all you wonderful mothers suffering without your children, i lost my daughter leanne in november 2005 as my ex and his family had my daughter sexually assaulted and abused mentally and physically, they also made sure i had no access and rights to see my child, my heart aches and is broken, i remember the drunken and drug taking nights when babys dad would spend all our money on it and all on himself, i had to rob from supermarket for food and clothes for our child i felt so bad but had no choose, and baby dads family dumping all there 5 small kids on me while went out drug taking and drinking 4 days a week not paying me or supplying food while i lived in a one bedroomed flat with our kid, i shruggled but i just managed, leanne was freed for adoption when i was not the unfit or bad parent. the family law and system is totally wrong and is more in favour of the dads no matter if have a violent history/past or drug taking or drinking, they used my violent upbringing by my mum and stepdad when was a baby till 12years old and went in foster care myself when i am nothing like that myself it is so wrong.

July 10, 2013 at 1:48 pm
(48) leslie says:

I’ve been withmy bf for 4 years now, we have a 2 year old daughter together. He has a 8 year old daughter with his ex. I have done so much for their child, birthday parties I did for her, Christmas gifts because her parents couldn’t afford it a few years, clothings, ect. After 4 yrs she is saying she does not want her daughter left alone with me, she says if he doesnt apply the rules than he will not get her. But they are ciurt ordered that she has him time. He gets his daughter more than the mother has her, and she lives with her. Does my bf have to listen to her? can she say that I am jnabke to watch her? BUT YET WHEN THE CHILD IS WITH THE MOTHER, THE MOTHER LEAVES HER WITH A 13 YR OLD KID TO WATCH HER, AND OTHER PEOPLE THAT HER FATHER DOESnt KNOW.

July 11, 2013 at 1:19 pm
(49) does it every end says:

Does it every end is my question? Will it get any better. I was married to a man for 5 years and during that time we had a child together. We are both military and because of what I do in the military and being a female it. Im constantly being frown on. My child is currently visiting his/her father and he can never follow the divorce decree at all. I promised my child while they were gone for the summer I would call every day to I could help through the visit. I never bad mouth and I try to support his punishements even though I find some it messed up. So that they dont see us fighting. Also just to talk to them. It was to rhe point that I sent a cell phone with them so I would be able to talk to them. Ive given my ex the same courties and respect he able to call when he wants. But now Ive been given the options to only talk to them on certain days. But long story short what do you when the other parent is call yoh the messed up parent when your trying to play by his rules even through he cant follow them.

July 13, 2013 at 5:48 pm
(50) Kyle says:

Okay my story is not as most of the others but this main story page named divorce support touched me to comment and get advise about my situation. I am a fiancé of a 4 year relationship and my fiancé has a baby that is 4 he just recently got on child support like 6 months ago. He is a great father to his daughter and has no problem paying child support even when his daughter is not in need of it . His things is he will do or pay any amount just to see his daughter but the mother will make excuses and lies of why he can’t spend time with his daughter. The mother wants him to kiss her ass 1st (excuse my language ) just to see his daughter. If he does not kiss her ass the baby and my fiancé will have to suffer from not seeing each other. My fiancé is so humble and so drama free that he does whatever for his baby. But we don’t want to have to go through this after our wedding . The only problem is that he does not want to run to the court system just to see his daughter like the mother did he feels like him paying child support is enough for the courts to already be in. So the question is is there any other way he can see his daughter without going to court and without kissing his baby moms ass without him and daughter getting hurt?

July 20, 2013 at 1:42 pm
(51) monica velazquez says:

Hi .. my husband is in the same situation he has 3 boys . His ex is not letting him see the younger one he only gets the 2 older ones . The older boy his 12 years of age and his always talking about his mom . We don’t say nothing just answer in a good way , he don’t like to eat what we cook . He always want to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwich . He don’t say hi at all every time he comes home . He tells my children that my husband don’t love them I been with my husband 3 year 1/2 . It won’t stop I just don’t know what to do I treat them as my own I love kids I have 6 and I don’t have any kids with my husband . Sometimes I want to get counseling or therapy for all of us , but I don’t know how to ask my husband ..

July 23, 2013 at 12:51 am
(52) Bill says:

The pain you all refer to, in its many forms, is a very painfull snapshot in time. Wish I was not among you. Wish I didnt care enough to feel the pain I do, to weigh the tactics and strategies of painful scenarios where noone comes out whole or happy. And where all one loved floats like leaves on the wind with no apparent higher order ensuring the right thing is done. Best of luck in this hell on earth. Let me know if youve found a way to simly live and love your kids vs being swallowed by the blackness of it all. I have not and everday I literally feel flames licking up my collar and it feels like im on fire. applaud you, initial blog, for walking each day on fire. I shall not submit….i shall not submit….i shall not submit.

July 30, 2013 at 2:17 pm
(53) tiffany says:

where as i agree with you on so many things,i too have had a very similar situation and can say i ate too much in lou of my son now 21 who still hasnt seen the light of day so its a crap shoot damned if ya do damned if ya dont! now going through round number 2 with my 8 year old and a different father!same sickness and this time im fighting fire with acceptance for the truth!not minipulated by me but only presenting factual events with no personal feelings!then i feel my son can do what he chooses with info given and that will be up to him but in the same sence i instill forgivness and understanding.so unfortunatly he gets to know about different ways people think and can decide on how and what kind of person he wants to become.no fairy tails no personal just realisation acceptance guidence love and understanding.and i do not bring up anything until event happens and i confront the matter instantly and openly as child orented as possible but its not about me being the bad guy its about the truth in my love for my son that he has to feel and know /believe to be able to uttalise correctly!i dont like his fathers ways so only way of preventing my son from being that same type is to show him correctly an other way of thinking doing being and loving!

August 26, 2013 at 1:24 am
(54) tara medlock says:

In 2008 my two oldest boys and my youngest boy lived with me in the state of IL. the father of my two oldest boys filed for full custody in MO. the judge never served me with any court papers at all and never did a background check on the father, as she would have found out that he had been to prison most of their lives for manufacturing and dealing drugs on school grounds. Instead that MO judge gave him full custody. Now my two boys had learning disabilities and were tested and diagnosed with them in Il where we had been living and still were for three years. Why won’t the state of IL over ride this decision and protect my boys? they have gone through physical and mental abuse by the father and step mother. My children just want to come back home with me and their brother and now baby sister and stepfather.

September 4, 2013 at 12:32 am
(55) Eri says:

My son went to his dad in tx for summer vacation I had a lot of trouble with him in school and the school was talkin about putting him In a school for kids with behaviors (he is been diagnose with add adhd anxiety) so I talk to my ex and he said we should try to let him with him well and I was so stupid to agree he was manipulated and abusive he didn’t care who was there and not just with me but with my son that I have before I met him and now he will not let me talk to my son and he is obsess with my new partner he keeps on insulting me and mentioning my partner. He use ti be an alcoholic and he abused drugs

September 5, 2013 at 9:06 pm
(56) Robert says:

I am here looking for information and help. I have been divorced for 5 years and my ex continues to poison our children, with her saying things about me and my new wife that are not true. My new wife and I have had DCF called on us 15 times for everything imaginable and every case has be unfounded. The children live with me now, been 3 years, due to her refusing my visitation and parent alienation. The children see a counselor, have been to a investigator, and one even has a therapist – none of which can seem to figure out why the children act or say some of the things they do. I do my best to understand what they go through and provide a great home for them to grow up in, but they have terrible attitudes towards everyone in the house quite a lot and even say, “This is not my home, this is dad’s house”. It really hurts sometimes and no matter what I do or say it never seems to change how they feel for me. I recently even had to pay about $1,000.00 to hash out our summer vacations in mediation. My ex continues to harass me with the legal system and it really looks like there is no end in sight for any of us. Also, we both had to undergo a psychological evaluation for the court, which she came back as needing counseling and nothing was done. I am really frustrated with our legal system and what they are allowing to continue with my children. I still maintain an attorney to this day who has probably received around $20,000.00 from us in the last 3 years – so this is financially draining as well. My thought is that once you get into the legal system they want to keep you there. Hate to bounce around but just to clear things up I have also had to undergo a lie detector test, and we both underwent a psycho-social evaluation, which she failed as well.

Why will our legal system do nothing with all this information they have and put a stop to the harassment from my ex?

If anyone has any advice for me please HELP!!!

December 6, 2013 at 7:29 pm
(57) JBird says:

I am simply amazed at how the “new” step moms come in talking about how their husbands ex wives are drunk, high, blah, blah, blah. It is a tactic used by many men, to keep you taking care of their children feeling sorry for them and having dad not pay child support. Simply amazing. I am in college courses and have heard pretty much everything from both sides. My ex was paying a little over $200 a month child support for three years, three teenagers. New cars, constant “new” jobs on his part. He was always keeping me distracted while pulling stuff on the side. Little girls will believe almost anything their “hard” working father will tell them. As long as there is a write off there to make cupcakes to take moms place. Less travel time and stress for him. Think before you start bashing someone you don’t know that had her children taken away from her. She raised them. Mine said, he paid me to support the kids, not interfere. His words. Amazing.

December 6, 2013 at 7:33 pm
(58) JBird says:

LIZ,

I just read your comment. I am so sorry for you. I know it is probably all your fault too…..that is what they are told. It’s not, children are easily influenced by an adult man, I rarely see it the opposite way. It is very difficult to find representation to aid the mother, which I do not understand at all. Easier for the one with money and power to take over. Keeping you in many prayers….

January 28, 2014 at 6:33 pm
(59) Angel says:

I am almost the same situation. Hearing one of my sons say he only wants 1 and 3 rd weekend, and the other is almost 18, and my youngest is 12, but the court may say the youngest will have the same as what his older brother wants. I know 100% they are being manipulated and are scared to stand up to their dad.. I wanna fight and scream so bad, but reading this makes a lot of sense. Just don’t know if I can let go. Knowing my visitation will be limited feels like I am loosing my chil. I am not reacts

January 29, 2014 at 1:55 pm
(60) mother of three says:

So a lot of these comments amazed me. I’m a step mom to a wonderful 7year old boy. Theres no drinking or drugs on her part. Just works nights constantly at other peoples houses never in his own bed. She moves about twice to three times a couple of months. He is always in different schools. My husband just wants the best interest for his child. Doesn’t want to take him from her just doesn’t want him in such a up roar all time. We have two kids together. They love their brother and he loves them. He doesn’t like to call or see her. We have been fighting for him never to give up. He deserves to be happy to be a kid not worrying about where he is going to be after school where he is going to live. He deserves a much better life. My husband never bashes her to me or the child. I have watched her do the things she has done. He has changed so much takes things so seriousl. Doesn’t play. It breaks my heart I have watched him grow taken care of him like he’s my own. I have been in his life for 5 years and I always will be. I just wish she would stop and realize the pain she has and is causing him.

February 20, 2014 at 5:00 pm
(61) Seen it all says:

I have seen first hand what a woman can get away with in the family court system. Parental Alienation, deception, lies, etc. My kids are seeing thru it. What people don’t realize is they win the battle of custody and money, but lose the war when the kids turn on them for what they have done. Its called the boomerang effect. My children are both messed up, abused, and afraid to talk about it because mom will retaliate. I don’t buy the let your kid go one bit. Not for one minute. If you think your child is in harms way, continue the fight. Don’t give in. Yes it will be hard. Yes, you will not retire, but what matters is your childrens well being. Being a parent means protecting, teaching, nurturing, and unconditional love. Show all these things and I whole heartedly believe that despite what a spitefull ex can try, they will see thru it. They will have to lie to cover up lies, and eventually paint themselves in a corner. Worst case scenario is wait until they are adults and have a frank talk with them. My kids are young and have thanked me for not talking bad. Unfortunately they grow up way too fast in the situation. When you talk bad about a parent you are projecting that on the kids, they are half of each of you. Despite your differences you still love the child. Let them make thier own minds up. Be the best parent you can be and in the end, they will know where the stability and unconditional love came from…and cling to it! Its hard, but no one said parenting is easy! Best of luck to all!

February 26, 2014 at 8:52 pm
(62) Step Mom says:

Im a 36 year old woman, in a relationship with my fiancé who has 2 children. I never had any kids but do not regret my decision at all…Being a step mom of two teenagers isn’t easy, but is also very rewarding.
His son is 17 and has Down Syndrome, he is super affectionate and loves me so much. I work with people with special needs and am really drawn to them. His daughter is 14 and well, I was 14 once and know how all that emotional bs goes. :) . Because the ex does not communicate with my fiancé this brings the 14 year old into the middle and is not fair at all. We have sent numerous emails to the mother who never responds and when she does it is always through the 14 year old teenager. The son wants to live with us and has voiced his opinion several times to his mom and she says no. I wonder how a 17 year old is not taken seriously by his mother and why she would not want the best for her child? Even though he has down syndrome, he is very high functioning and totally understands when we explain things about weekend changes and not being with his sister all the time. He fully understands and wants to live here, to the point that when Sunday night comes and we have to drive them home he doesn’t want to go.
It breaks my heart that the kids are caught in the middle, and that she wont give him a chance to even try to live here and see how he likes it! We tried to talk to her and cut out all the court bs, but unfortunately this is the route we will have to take…Im so glad there are chat groups !!! Take care good luck all!

February 27, 2014 at 11:42 am
(63) divorcesupport says:

@ “step mom,” you are not a stepmother yet. That comes after you have married the father of these children you feel you should have an opinion about. At this point you are no more than an acquaintance to his children.

I’m always baffled by “stepmoms” who post online about the concerns they have for their “stepchildren.” If those are true concerns where are the fathers? Why aren’t they posting online?

This young man’s mother evidently doesn’t agree that living with his father and you is the best thing for him. He has down’s syndrome, she has been responsible for him for the day he was born. You might want to look at this from her perspective. And ask yourself, “how easy would it be for me to let my disabled son who has depended on me all his life go live elsewhere?”

If this were my son I’d be highly offended at the suggestion.

March 12, 2014 at 11:38 pm
(64) Heather says:

@mommmiesgirl
You need to get your girls a children’s advocate. This will be a person assigned to the children that works for the children. Someone that is not attached to either you or their father. They will go in and assess the children’s situation and determine what is best for the girls. This person works for the girls only, sort of like the girls own attorney. Contact your county legal office about it. I got one for my girls and it did wonders. Once the girls feel comfortable with this person, realize that this person is here to do nothing more than help them and that they can trust them, they will tell the advocate what is going on and what they need to know to help them. Kids get scared and won’t talk if they think it is going to get back to the people who are hurting them. Childrens advocates are appointed buy the court system and thier evaluations are not taken lightly.

March 12, 2014 at 11:45 pm
(65) Heather says:

I will say this. I grew up in one of these situations. I was taken from my father and brought into a home with the wicked step father. I grew up with stories of how horrible my father was, not having seen him for many many years. I finally met him without my mother knowing when I was 15. Guess what, my father is a good man. He’s not perfect, but who is. But he’s a good man. His reason for not being there, he tried, for years he tried. Then he ran out of money for lawyers and he figured eventually I would get old enough and wise enough to make up my own mind, and I did. I found him. I am now in the same situation. My girls are easily manipulated by their father. When they are old enough to see what is going on, they will be able to see what is going on and they will know who has their best interests at heart. They will be able to see who has been play them as puppets. I have to believe in that or what can I hold onto.

April 14, 2014 at 11:40 am
(66) mobile games says:

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May 10, 2014 at 10:13 pm
(67) brokenhearted says:

I have been both mom and dad for over 14 years. I was a single shift working mon, 2 children with no family to help. Their dad was never in the picture…..maybe saw them 2 weeks one summer and a handful of weekends thruout 14 years. I got them to all school functions, camps, stayed home when they were sick, taught them how to fish, took them on vacations, etc. My ex has been remarried for 13 years, when I finally got child support (he never worked) last year started, his wife thru a fit, talked of punching me in the face and got escorted out of the courtroom from the balif. My ex has not held a job, Moved over 14 times in these years, and has abused my son on two occations. We got a divorce because he got a DWI at 4am, I was at work, and he had the kids in the car. He has had 2 more DWI’s and a sexual assault – NOT A GOOD MAN!!

May 10, 2014 at 10:14 pm
(68) brokenheart says:

My son, almost 18(in August) senior in high school just started dating. In the past 2 months he has been talking with his father and visiting him – he lives 120 miles away. My son’s girlfriend is older, and he started skipping school and failing. I asked him to come home on school nights at 9pm for a week in order to get school his priority. He has been aggressive and disrespectful, saying positive things about his dad. Not wanting to “play this game”, I gave him a choice again to come home at 9 or move out. He is severely dyslexic and ADHD and will fall behind in school fast so I needed to get on the right track asap. He choose to move to his dads. He did speak to me for 2 days, saying he wanted to come home. Now….that was a month ago, now he refers to me by my first name to my daughter, won’t talk to my daughter or me, and says his parents are taking care of him. That I am a pathetic parent and worse (I will not repeat his verbage). And his father is allowing his girlfriend to live there too!! I feel so sorry for my son – he was everything in mine and my daughters’ world, it is so hard without him. My ex has manupulated him within a couple days. For all those years, I never said anything bad about his dad, all the vacant times this stranger really was. God help my son. I will wait for him and love him forever!!
Thank you for allowing these posts, I know I am not alone.

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