1. People & Relationships

Obstructionism is the deliberate obstruction of progress. The passive aggressive person obstructs progress by resisting following through with expectations in interpersonal relationships.

We all enter into marriage with certain expections and the belief that those expectations will be met. Some reasonable expectations, some unreasonble expections. It is reasonable to expect respect, intimacy, concern and consideration for our feelings, needs and desires.

If you marry someone with passive aggressive personality disorder even the most reasonable expectation will go unmet. The trick to making a relationship with the passive aggressive work is not letting go of your expections but, letting go of the idea that your expectations...read more

Comments
May 25, 2009 at 1:12 pm
(1) Bill says:

Just read an old entry of yours where you encourage people to check cell phones to get proof of infidelity or cheating.
What happened to addressing it like adults?
What are the consequences of checking and finding nothing? all the trust is gone at that point!
You are some crack pot female who enables women with all the tools to become distrusting emotional cripples. If the guy is cheating leave him and move on!!! Don’t encourage cloak and dagger beahvior.

May 26, 2009 at 12:14 am
(2) Cathy says:

Address it like adults? How often do you think someone cheating on their spouse is going to sit down and address the subject like an adult?

It would be a perfect world if cheating spouses owned up to their behavior when questioned about it. I’m afraid that most deny cheating. Only get honest when confronted with proof of their cheating and are in no way interested in dealing with their problems as an adult

If they were, they wouldn’t be cheating in the first place.

The consequences of checking and finding nothing? That would be relief and renewed trust in your spouse, not the other way around.

It is not my writing that is likely to turn women or men into distructing, emotional cripples. It is the deceitful actions of the cheating spouse that does that. My articles enable people who are the victim of a cheater to become empowered once they are armed with the truth.

A question for you…if a man or woman is cheating how is a spouse to know? Like I’ve already said, most do not admit to the fact.

What do you suggest a husband or wife who beleives their spouse is cheating do? Wait around, live with their doubts and fears until the cheater decides to come clean?

Sounds like good advice for the cheater, not such good advice for the victim of the cheater.

May 29, 2009 at 3:50 am
(3) Amy says:

Bill, you say if you find out that your spouse is cheating, leave them and move on? What rock do you live under? Please! If you cheat, you give up your rights to that privacy! Once you cross that line, you are doing more than ending a marriage, you are ruining someone elses life and if they need to check phone records to confirm something, then that is the least they’ve earned. It is really sad that you think that it is that simple, you find it out, leave them and move on. Real adults with real feelings do not function that way!

May 29, 2009 at 9:27 pm
(4) Diane says:

I wish I did that at the beginning of my suspitions. I waited about 4 months and approx. 1000 calls and text messages later. When I saw the detailed cell phone bill i never look at before I went into shock! My ex even had his lovers phone number labled under “sick call” dept! Cheaters get creative too. He guarded his phone even in the restroom.

June 12, 2009 at 4:07 am
(5) Stacey says:

Hi Cathy,

Do you think 2 people with passive aggressive behaviour would work in a relationship? I’ve recently been informed that my partner have passive aggressive behaviour (determined by a pshychologist) and after reading many articles, I somehow agree that maybe I too have a passive aggressive behavioural pattern, just not as obvious as my partner where he’d go violent towards himself / destructive mode towards any objects near by. I easily shoved myself away from my past relationship when I don’t want to deal with the problems anymore and no matter how long I have dated the person, I can just cut off without any futher contact. I really want this current relationship to work but not sure how it is going to happen. What are your thoughts?

Stacey

June 3, 2010 at 9:47 pm
(6) PATRICK says:

I AM GLAD, ATLEAST GLAD TO SEE I AM NOT ALONE, BUT I AM THE MALE, AND MARRIED TO THE FEMALE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE. I WORKED, SHE DOES NOT, I HAVE MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS, SHE HAS NO ILLNESS, I DRIVE, SHE DOES NOT, SHE HAS THE SECRET FRIEND, WHO SHE DENIES HE EXISTS, SHE WITHHOLDS SEX, I LOVE SEX. AND YET, SHE SAYS, I AM THE BAD PERSON…………….EVEN THE TIME, SHE DID, HER WORST THING, HER RESPONSE IS……………..I SAID, I WAS SORRY, BUT I REALLY DID NOTHING WRONG, (BUT THERE WAS MORE TO THE STORY), THEN SHE EVER TOLD. AND ON AND ON, IT GOES.

November 13, 2011 at 9:43 pm
(7) juju says:

poor thing, just keep dreaming of how bad it will suck for them later, immorality always bites you in the ass

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