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Is there less sex than you feel is appropriate in your marriage? A sexless marriage is one in which a spouse feels there isnít enough sex or there is no sex at all.

Let me qualify what I have said above by saying that if you want sex every night and your spouse only wants sex three times a week, you are not living in a sexless marriage. If you want sex every night or three times a week and your spouse wants sex once a month, you are living in a sexless marriage.

Your spouse may disagree. Having sex once a month or once every three months may fulfill their need for sex. In their mind they are not living is a sexless marriage because their needs are being met.

The problem lies when there is a huge difference in the sexual needs of the spouses. The definition of a sexless marriage is not dependent upon whether or not there is sex in the marriage but on the effects of differing sex drives in the marriage.

For example, Jay could care less about sex. He had even told Janice, his wife that he didnít know ďwhat the big deal was about sex.Ē Jay was quite happy and content having sex...read more about sexless marriage

October 21, 2009 at 7:17 pm
(1) Matthew says:

Ive gone 5 years without. NOTHING! My partner cannot have sex because of a bad back. Im going nuts!

November 2, 2009 at 12:02 pm
(2) Tom says:

I am/was in an unhappy marraige. We were/are having sex once every eight months. I tried everything I could including but not limmited to: date nights, hand holding, flowers, not pressuring her, you name it I tried it. She refuses to discuss it, gets angry to the point where it is just not worth it.

The only reason we had sex every 8 months was probubly because I would be bring up to her the date of our last encounter. So i decided to experiment, and not say a word more about it. To my surprise she does not seems to notice the lenght of time which has gone by, now entering the 10th month since our last encounter. You think she would just be slightest bit curious as to why I don’t get bothered by it anymore. It has come to the point were I don’t even bring it up and she just volunteers excuses why we should have sex another time. (back, headache, tired, filling sick) whatever she says I tell her she is 100% correct i agree and our relationship has never been better.

We have two teens one is 16 one is 14 and that is the reason I have stayed, my relationship with them and their happiness is more important to me then anything in this world. They have no idea how misserable I was, nor will they ever. We live in a fairly affluent community and to outsiders we are perfect.

So here is what I did. I found a woman in a simillair situation no strings attached no commitment and its been awesome. I need to say that my wife and I are in our mid 40′s both in good shape, and if she came close to what our relationship resembled just 5 years ago I would without question end my affair. It completely boggles my mind that even though we are having no intimacy she has not put two and two together. Or the flip side is she has, and either does not care, or is just as happy as I am, because I have to say things have never been better between us. Wanna laugh, at this point if I were to have sex with my wife I would actually be cheating on my girl friend. Another thing that strikes me as funny is that we have a large house with many extra bedrooms, on many occasions I have asked her in a way that looks like I am doing it for her benifit. If she would like me to use one of the rooms so I don’t disturb her at night with the TV and that this way she can have the whole bed to herself. I am good, but I have not been able to make that happen yet. She just refuses to let me have my own room because (get this) she can’t sleep without me there. LOL

November 15, 2009 at 10:11 pm
(3) karen says:

I have to say my story sounds a lot like toms. Only I am a woman. We used to fight all the time over sex whenever I brought it up. I have told him that he is ruining our marrage, that he he hurts me so much and makes me feel horrible because I feel I have to beg for sex. I have tried to come on to him. I think in the last 2 years that we have had sex maybe 3 times. I have not cheated on him and I don’t think I will because it would hurt my kids to much. I cannot understand how someone can say that they love you and just throw your marrage away. I am pretty sure he is not cheating on me. Because when he is not home he is at work. I think it is just a really low libido. Why wont he try and fix it? I now think I’m at the point that I don’t want to ever have sex with him because all the anguish that he has made me feel. Also he gets upset if I sleep in another room. If anyone knows any reasons why he is this way please let me know. If not I guess I will wait it out untill my kids are older and divorce him,

December 29, 2009 at 1:15 pm
(4) Mike says:

I have not had sex in over 2 years. The last time was actually right before we got engaged. I thought maybe she didn’t want to have sex for the 15 months while we were engaged and just went with it. Now we have been married for 8 months and still nothing. I love her, but I hate to say this marriage is not going to work. :-( I don’t know what to do, but I think the next step is divorce.

January 3, 2010 at 4:52 pm
(5) Felix says:

My wife and I have made love probably three times in the last six years and even then she barely gets invovled. I hate the situation i find myself in and am constantly sad. She told me it was because i was overweight and then when i lost weight she said she simply doesnt want to and never thinks about it. I hate this situation but cannot see an end to it. Karen, i Know how you feel and wish my wife felt more like you.

January 30, 2010 at 5:42 am
(6) Judy says:

i actually think that men are most likely to be the problem of a sexless marriage – whether it’s thru their pornography addictions, self-esteem issues, and/or lack of interest in the female psycology. In my experience, my husband desired me for about the first 18 months of our relationship….then it really cooled off even after we got married – i was lucky to have sex once a month. Now I’m happy to get it once every 3 years. His addiction to porn has debilitated our relationship. His lack of wanting me even when I was smokin’ hot has resulted in my weight gain – so now he truly has a good excuse to not want me. I know if I lose the weight I’ll probably have an affair – because it’s been so long since a man has desired me. He is currently in week 2 of therapy but I’m not allowed to know anything about it – so I don’t see a resolution happening.

February 5, 2010 at 5:50 pm
(7) dex3703 says:

I have a similar story. It’s been years between us, and months would go by when we did have sex. Even when we were first married she would never consent to more than once a week. This has been a problem for 9 years but I haven’t done anything about it. She is a workaholic, doesn’t take care of herself, and expects me to approach her so I can be violently rejected.

I don’t have any sympathy for Judy. My wife has similarly gained a large amount of weight, refuses to find work that won’t tear her up so much, doesn’t take care of herself and burdens me with hours of complaining about her work and life. If everything you do says ‘no’ he’ll eventually give up, like I did.

February 8, 2010 at 10:46 pm
(8) Bob says:

Judy, You are just plain wrong about it being the man’s fault. I’ve been dealing with this situation for years. It seems that about half the people suffering in a sexless marriage are men and about half are women. It’s ironic really. I wish some of us could get together. The ones that don’t like sex should have gotten married to each other instead of to those that enjoy it. I think it’s a crime to expect someone in the prime of their sexual life to do without sex. If you were to have an affair, they’d act all hurt over it. Really, what can you expect.

February 9, 2010 at 12:39 pm
(9) Richard says:

Playing the blame game is something which should never happen in a sexless marriage, this will just drive a bigger wedge between you.

Having lived in a sexless marriage for a long time, the last thing you need is the wrong advice.

15% of Americans suffer from a sexless marriage, that’s over 5 million couples. This figure has been consistent for nearly 20 years, it’s just now that people are being honest about it.

Now that people are being open about their relationships they should also know that a marriage is not considered sexless unless sex fall below 10 times per year.

I found help on the internet as I really didn’t want to discuss our problems with a stranger in a therapists office. The fact that this could also have cost us a lot of money didn’t help.

http://sexlessmarriagecure.com is the site which helped us. Christine Taylor really knows her stuff, anyone who is really looking to resolve their issues would be best advised to check the site out before things go from bad to worse.

Check it out – Sexless Marriage

March 1, 2010 at 5:28 pm
(10) Mark says:

I’am the one who killed our sex life.
Right after we had gotten married and my wife and I had sex, I didn’nt espicially like it. I figured it was nerves playing tricks on me. But the longer we were married I still wasn’t excited with sex. We had two kids and after that I wanted no sex and with a busy life stlyle sex was pushed to the back burnerand good cover up for my feelings. Actually years passed quickly, my wife complained about no sex but I sluft it off. Well here we are married 43 years and around 25 years without sex. Now its been so long we don’t miss it anyway. Were happy with our life

March 4, 2010 at 12:30 am
(11) sam says:

Nice to read other comments knowing I’m not alone. I get very fustrated that my wife has no sex drive. Never asks for sex, never starts it, always the one with the ‘no’ excuses.
We’ve shared the bathroom and shower for years (married over 10 years) and she has never, never touched me in any sexual way. When I see her naked heading for the shower, I use to grab her boobs, kiss her body and yet I never received anything back. Is it so wrong that she grab my penis just “ONCE” ?!?!?! Sex probably happens once every 3-4 months… I know I’d be a much happy guy if I can have it more. At this point, just together for my 2 boys… Once the kids are older, I know it’ll be over… thanks, needed to vent…….

March 18, 2010 at 6:23 am
(12) Anon says:

I am living the same nightmare. I totally understand where Karen is coming from as I feel that I am begging my husband for sex too which is degrading!!! I have been married for 7 years now and I can now understand why people get the 7 year itch. I do not have a high libido but I would like to have sex with my husband at least once a week!!! His excuse is always tired as he works hard. When we first started dating he couldn’t keep his hands off me now it has all changed. I can stand completely naked in front of him before showering or dressing and there is no reaction at all!! I do not try to approach him for sex as I think why should I if he can’t be bothered to approach me.
When we do have sex which at the moment if I am lucky is once a month it is because I have moaned at him about it and then he makes me feel like it is such an effort for him.
I am disgusted that he makes me feel like this. We had a argument about this last night and he sent me an email this morning apologising and that things will change!!! I have heard it before and then 3 months down the line we have another argument as I have to bring up the subject again which I find degrading. He is not cheating on me and never will as he isn’t that sort of guy. I never thought I would be in a sexless marriage. My husband was my first and I often wondered if I should of not married him, but I loved him and still do. I do wonder what it would have been like to have another sexual experience and now I think about it more as I am so sexually frustrated!! I would never cheat on him but find myself masturbating and would never thought I would but I am so sexually frustrated!!! I am glad I am not the only one and others are going through this. It has been good to be able to talk about this, but I can say one thing I will not be in a sexless marriage and will get out if it continues. Sex is a vital part of your marriage where you can show each other how much you love each other by being intimate, if you don’t want intimacy then it is just platonic and you have a friendship not a marriage!!!

March 18, 2010 at 6:27 am
(13) Anon says:

Ohh forgot to mention, the funny thing is he wants children and I told him to have sex to have children!!! But I will not bring children in this nightmare!!

May 3, 2010 at 11:13 pm
(14) Mike says:

I am thinking of divorcing my wife because of our sexless marriage.

May 6, 2010 at 11:33 pm
(15) karen says:

I Feel bad for you as it now has been 11 1/2 years of marraige. After all the fighting I have done with my husband he now tries to have sex with me. Not like you think either 2 times in the last 4 months. That may not seem like a lot but before that it was 3 times in 2 years. Anyhow when we now have sex I do not enjoy it at all. I do not get excited at all. All the damage that he has caused in unreparable. As far as making sure the next man enjoys sex I don’t you can do that. I swear we had sex every single night before we got married. And we went out for 4 years before marriage. I have come to the conclusion that he is just a roommate. I dont understand what makes anybody feel that they have a right to do this to anyone. It is common knowledge what is expected in marriage. Anon I wish you the best and please take what he gives you because if you don’t you will end up like me and months will turn into years.
Best of luck

May 18, 2010 at 10:28 pm
(16) Mike says:

Well,I met my wife in 1988 and within 6 weeks we were living together. I had never been in a serious relationship before and I was a student. She was 3 years older and had a good job.

Within a few months things started going downhill. Even though we were young and had no kids she would make excuses about not wanting sex and not being in the mood. And when we did she made little effort, if at all. I just figured if I was patient and understanding she would come around. After a year we were engaged and we got married after living together for five years. I wasn’t happy but I figured things would improve. Then we had two children (she’d always wanted children). Things got worse. Not only would there be little in the way of sex, but she was very hostile and demeaning to me. I never could do anything right, and she always presumed the worst in my actions.

By the time the kids were 5-6 years old, the situation had gotten really bad. Don’t get me wrong, I was at fault too, but I was miserable. We had sex maybe 12-15 times a year. She would iniate it literally twice a year or when she was drunk, which was rare. Most times she would give in as we had not been intimate in over a month and she would lay there and tell me to hurry up and get it over with. Very often she was reading a book and would refuse to put it down while we were having sex. And oral sex? Forget it. I went years without it. And when the subject of sex came up in conversation with friends she would get very defensive and prudish.

Well a few years ago I met a woman who was in the same sitiuation I was. She was fun and very attractive and starving for attention and sex. I started an affair with her. It was the most sensual and exciting relationship I had ever had. For the first time a woman…a very attractive one at that..would tell me how attractive I was and that I was a great lover. She certainly never did. After a while I completely withdrew from my wife. I didn’t initiate sex or show her any affection and it made no difference to her as she didn’t notice anything different. She had been sleeping in a different room for many years at that point.

The relationship with the other woman lasted many years, until I finally got up the nerve to leave my wife in late 2008. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I moved out and the first few months were very rough as I had been with her for 20 years, but never did I regret my decision. I did this for me. Eventually my divorce was final last year but also the other woman left me to return to her estranged husband. I was crushed but earlier this year I met an extraordinary woman who is also divorced and with which we get along great.

May 19, 2010 at 11:51 pm
(17) Nat says:

My wife and I have been without sex for about 25 years, I think. Its really hard to remember. I started taking meds and my performance went away.
We have survived, as friends who live in the same house. Personally I like it that way.

May 23, 2010 at 2:13 am
(18) Chris M says:

I am a 41 male and not had sex with my wife since 20 Feb 2004. I remember because it was a night away for a family function. We have been together now for 13 years. It was great at the start but got less over the years, but I was still happy because we were still doing it. We got married in 2005 – no sex – none. Then the biggie happens, she got cancer, nearly killed her. The treatment brought on an early menopause and that finished her sex drive off. On Reading this back, this does come across as very selfish on my part, but I love my wife to bits. I just want to have sex with her, not interested in anybody else. I have a very strong sex drive that is being wasted and I do feel very bitter about it. When I talk to her about it, she looks blankly at me and sayes nothing. Then watches ‘Sex in the City’, the irony is not lost on me ! If I had any choice in the matter and I was cursed with the same sex drive, I would be gay. At least we would have similar sex drives! I am fed up feeling guilty about sex, when the rest of the world is having plenty of it. I feel conned.

May 29, 2010 at 9:19 pm
(19) Frank says:

Have been in virtually a non-intimate, non-sexual, financially abusive marriage for the past 14-yrs., maybe longer. She has no interest, zero, and has remarked that people our age (me-72, she-66) should not be “that” concerned about such stuff. However, when she feels she has done something I might be upset about, she makes a half-ass attempt at intimacy and sex. On one occasions she blamed it on my ED problem (thanks to prostate cancer radiation). She claims she never said that….but, she did. Anyway I opt’d for a penile implant ($38,000…thanks to Medicare and Aetna). When I mentioned that I’ve had a success penile implant for over a year and we’ve “Not done anything”, she remarked, “Well….nobody forced you to have it done”. She spends/wastes money she don’t have and sometimes I can’t pay the bills (or, if I do I end up with overage fees…one month it was $336). Does not phase her in the least. Right now she and her single sister are over in Louisiana gambling (when I asked her not to.). She promised she would spend only $200. I just checked the bank account on line….she has already dipped into our account for $412. Since January 2010, she has spent close to $4000, on gifts,hobbies,clothes for her two grand-daughters (their Mom is a well paid CPA).
She lies about her spending, makes promises to address the intimacy/sex issues….but never lives up to ‘em.
I am at my wits’end. I’ve just about run out of counselors. My cardiologist has suggested I get a handle on my stress or I will have another heart attack like I did in 1996.
I believe seperation and divore after 25yrs.is in my fairly immediate future. Humm?

June 7, 2010 at 3:59 pm
(20) Mae says:

I’ve been with my husband for 19 years now and love him with all my heart. We have had a pretty full sex life until the last year or two. It’s definitely happening less frequently and I’m wanting it more. it had been about 6-7 weeks and I had asked him about having sex and he said he didn’t feel like it. Another few weeks past by and I asked again. he told me he wasn’t interested in having sex with me anymore. It was old, been there done that, I didn’t turn him on. I was crushed ! I have done a lot of things for him sexually (at times I wasn’t even comfortable with) but did it for him. Most of our marriage we have been overweight. We both lost weight about 2 years ago and the sex declined. I gained some of my weight back but am working hard to take it off again. Now he is thin and looking great and I want to be with him but he wants to be friends. I’m 42 !!! I feel cheated and that marriage is all a sham ! We have two boys and I can not leave. I’m so sad, mad and frustrated.

July 4, 2010 at 6:15 am
(21) Sil says:

We have been married for seventeen years. Before we got married, we had sex but on our honeymoon she was more interested in watching movies than in having sex with me. We donít have sex any more. I love my wife and want sex with her and nobody else but she isnít interested. I spoke to her about it but she makes very little effort to change things. Why would she, she doesnít have a problem with it?

She told me that she wants to have children but I refused. I believe children should be the result of love and passion.

I cannot divorce her because she needs me and donít want to let her down.

I feel sad, fastrated, lonely and angry. What can I do?

July 6, 2010 at 7:02 pm
(22) Bob says:

Reason for not having sex anymore!( Old,tired,sick&overweight) ALL B.S. Me late 60s- 12+hours work days- overweight now{like women with a few extra}- didn’t have sex for 5 mins. had get off my knees in front toilet clean mouth! No sex for 15 years,would like have about once a day! I think I could???? Best To Everyone

July 28, 2010 at 4:21 pm
(23) Tboy says:

We have been married for 46 years, lived and travelled the world together, every country you can inagine and sex was wonderful and regular. We now have not had sex for over 4 years 7 months and it is really getting me down. I dont want a divorce or another woman, infact my wife is the only woman I have ever had sex with in my life. For the past 10 years she has been a diabetic and put on a lot of weght, doesnt bother me at all. I clean the house before she gets out of bed every morning, her breakfast is ready for her when she gets up, I do a lot of shopping for her, make beds, clean windows, paint & decorate, take care of our large garden, make her cuos of coffee and do 90% of the washing up. She has her friend around for coffee mornings 3 times a week, grandchildren stay over at weekends and we sleep in seperate bedrooms. She never shows me any kind of loving at all, never kisses or cuddles me but I do it to her. I bought her a new car, a Wii, a new TV which she watches from getting up to going to bed every day. I feeel as though I can do no more for her except exit her life, and I dont want to do that as I still love her. She used to be sexy as hell, every night of the week even after she was diagnosed with diabetes. so, I have given up trying alltogether as far as sex is concerned and just do what I have to do daily and spend what is the rest of my time with my 3 cats and my garden. I have breached to subject many time in the past and she casually replies “Its there if you really want it” but never coaxes me on, wears anything sexy or even asks me to sleep with her. So I have given up. I am 66 and she is 63, there is still a lifetime left together and I guess I will just have to get on with my sexless life and be as happy as I can possible be.

August 30, 2010 at 5:48 am
(24) Darius says:

I am a fit and young looking 50 year old.Been married for 16 years with 3 great kids, oldest 15.
Sex before marriage was ok but no fireworks.
I had tended to go for the sleazy sort of girls before I met my wife .Such girls were always takers and not givers and not ‘wife material’.I decided that whilst my wife did not blow my mind between the sheets, she was a very caring and supportive person who would always be there for me .
16 years later I am sorry to say that I too am a victim of a sexless marriage.I have a demanding job and do often come hom estressed but a kiss or a cuddel is all that I would need to calm me down insead of irritation and disinterest.
I never thought that I would be ‘washed up’ at fifty with a wife who won’t show me any tenderness let alone sex.
We no longer share the same bedroom and although I really tried to reboot the realtionship a year ago she was not very enthusaistic and refused to go to marriage counselling.In fact she even said that it’s a pity we dont have a mistress culture here like they do in France/Italy…
We are a very respected couple so stay together for the kids etc etc..
My advice to anyone reading this comment who is not yet married (and maybe there are some out there who may be doing so before tying the knot) is this; dont commit yourself to someone unless you BOTH really adore each other and are 100% sexually fulfilled with your partner.The ardours of life will wreak havoc with anything but a marriage built on rock hard foundations.The physical side of the relationship must be very strong from the outset.Sex is VERY important and most people need regular sex to feel content with life and their partner.
As for me , I empathise with all my fellow sexless marriage victime.Divorce would be catastrophic for the family and also the financial side of things;so if a similar minded lady to me comes my way then I would be very receptive to a lover and confidente.

September 12, 2010 at 11:32 pm
(25) Ken says:

Been married for 22 years and would consider myself in a sexless marriage. Wife NEVER initiates sex. I actually can’t recall her ever telling me she would like to be with me in a passionate way. This means that I am putting myself out for rejection every time I suggest sex. Since we barely have sex even 1x per month this means my rejection rate is around 99%.
Our youngest daughter just went off to college this month so it is now just the two of us in the house. I used to beg and grovel for sexual attention but have now decided that I need to try and reestablish some sense of self respect and self esteem. I told my wife that I will no longer cajole, try to convince, coerce, pressure, grovel or beg her for sex. I mentioned to her that I need to see some sign that we are more than just collegial friends and roomies. We don’t have to be married to be just friends and roomies.

September 26, 2010 at 12:29 am
(26) Nat says:

I never had sex before we were married!
I found out when married 43 years ago that I wasn’t that interested in intimacy or sex. Its no big deal, something I would rather be without. Not gay or anything weird just don’t need sex. My wife enjoys sex and I only had sex with her because thats what she wanted. I just faked it by telling her I enjoyed it. We had two kids ! After them I turned off sex, I purposely went went on the night shift and worked weekends so I didn’t have to have sex. As the years went by sex became a thing of the past. I developed depression, cholesterol, ulcer problems and take meds. Now I can officially say no to sex. A’m I being selfish the answer is yes, I could care less if my wife is happy sexually. Been without sex for over 30 years.

September 26, 2010 at 11:51 pm
(27) Cathy Meyer says:

“I could care less if my wife is happy sexually”

That is not only sad Nat, it is pathetic. I have to wonder though, if you don’t care why are you reading about sexless marriages?

September 27, 2010 at 9:27 pm
(28) nfd1960 says:

I was in a sexless marriage for 25yrs my wife was abused as a child something she failed to say when we first got married I found this out after 15yrs of trying to coup with this problem she kept telling me that sex wasn’t everything I thought there was something wrong with me I would go months with out saying a word to see if she would bring up the fact that we didn’t have any but she never did the last time I said something about it I told her to get help for herself or I wasn’t going to stay if she didn’t she told me sex was evil and something she was not going to do it broke us up and that’s when I left glad that someone besides me thinks this is a way for 2 people to connect even more than just talking THANKS CATHY

October 9, 2010 at 3:42 am
(29) Pastor T says:

I’m going to leave my wife because of lack of sex and she is abusive verbally, been to couselling and all, it does not get better, she is not forgiving at all. I’m tired, I’d rather leave, however i’ll take care of my 2 kids because i love them dearly.

December 28, 2010 at 7:14 pm
(30) Dora says:

I have been married for 35 yrs. I started noticing the sex being less and less since 1996, but like everyone else held on. For a long time I felt so ugly and undesiriable to my husband and I did not hide the fact from him that I felt something was wrong but he refused to discuss it. About five yrs later he was diagnosed with diabetes and the meds just compounded the problem. I kept nagging and then he finally asked his doctorabout it. The doc gave him Viagra, and told him it was safe to have sex, even good exercise for him. I was elated! but the sex became less and less and less. I have asked him why and he says he doesn’t know, he just doesn’t get turned on like he used to. I try to understand and live with it but it is so very hard to think that ur husband is not turned on by you. he blames it on his meds but jus recently I was sitting in the living room and he recieved a message on his cell phone. I was from an ad he had placed on a sex site looking for a sexy young girl to give him a massage and more if she wanted it. Can any man out there explain this to me? I am heartbroken. When I confronted him about it he says he was never intending to go thru with it. I am so ashamed and angry to have stayed this long.

December 31, 2010 at 6:26 am
(31) Steve says:

It’s so sad how many couples end up like this. In the last five years we have had sex 4 times. We haven’t made love in our own bed for well over 7 years – it has only been when we were away from home – holiday, Christmas party etc – and was definitely “pity sex”—-i have nearly always been the one who initiated it. Now there is no touching, no kiss goodnight, no tenderness………….and i’m sure….no love. Its all gone. When i am alone i cry and crave my wifes affections – we have been married for 35 years but i would say sex started to falter after the first two years. I now accept it will never be as it was – ever – i read alot into what is going on —-the constant fault finding – with everything i do————–i’m so sad—–what do i do??.When i first married i made a vow to myself that i would never put my wife under any pressure with sex – even to the point of never asking her or trying to initiate sex if i thought she wasn’t in the mood. I’m no spring chicken but i try and stay fit for my age – it doesnt do any good though – i feel my life is going down the pan!!!

January 30, 2011 at 1:58 am
(32) mad as hell says:

sex is a very important part of marriage. affairs never last , and can lead to trouble. if you love your spouse and you both are not having sex with each other, than you are just friends. sooner or later you will resent your partner. if you still want a healthy sex life , you should separate or divorce if possible. and try to remain friends. you don”t have to be married to be friends. if you are still sexually healthy, don’t continue to be miserable . you owe it to yourself to be happy. you only have this one relatively short life. I have not had sex with my wife in over five years. i still love her and i will still love her after i divorce her. I’ll just be happier……..

February 14, 2011 at 12:19 am
(33) barb says:

My husband and I have not had sex in 2 years. All I want is to be loved. I need to be held and kissed. I am just so alone. what can I do? I do not have anyone to talk to. Where do I turn?

February 14, 2011 at 3:30 pm
(34) Cathy says:

Barb, you are welcome to post in the Divorce Support Forum. You will find others there who have experienced similar situations. You will also find support which will keep you from feeling so alone.

February 27, 2011 at 9:15 am
(35) JL says:

Same situation as everyone else. Married for 3 1/2 years but together with my husband for 7. Three kids and have not had sex in 14 months. We have never had a great sex life and should’ve never settled. The red flags were all there and now I am stuck in a room mate situation with a person I don’t particularly like for the kids. Sex isn’t the problem, it is just a symptom of a problem that a couple refuses to tackle. There are only two options: fix the problems or divorce

March 20, 2011 at 2:17 pm
(36) GR says:

What can I say that haven’t been said. I’m in a marriage of 13 years and at the age of 39 have gone the past 4-5 years having had sex the sum total of 2-3 times. We don’t have kids. So why have I stayed? Because I love her and thought this was a phase. During the first 9 years of our relationship the sex was phenomenal and our relationship as a whole is special. But now I’m not as optimistic about our future as a couple. Sex is a necessity, plain and simple, and as a married couple we have a duty to fulfill that need of our partner. I not only feel neglected but have started to resent my wife for her lack of urgency to address and correct this problem in this relationship. The likelihood of me straying becomes more prominent as the days pass and it will surely lead to the destruction of our union. Because to be wanted by someone and share a level of intimacy with a person is addictive. And I will surely want that more often than a discreet affair can offer but it will once again give me the feeling of passion I desire. So good luck to you all and I hope, somehow, someway, that we all can rekindle or find anew that sex life we covet.

March 24, 2011 at 11:34 pm
(37) Nat says:

I’m going to answer NO;28 Cathy Meyer. She said I was pathetic. Well cathy its probably true,and again I could care less what my wife thinks or says. If she is still interested in sex she can go else where to find it. You asked why I was in this site its because I love to hear how miserable other people are.

April 4, 2011 at 10:23 am
(38) oluwasegun ojemuyiwa says:

when the purpose of a thing,marriage inclusive is not known before one gets involved with it,abuse is inevitable.humans are prone to changes and how to manage the changes should be our focus when we find ourselves in sexlessmarriages.it calls for a frank discussion and it calls for the consideration of available options.if sex is essential for a human to remain sane,by all means he or she be allowed acesss to sex.This is the cahallenge,to allow your spouse to have a negotiated acess to sex.it is not nothing new,it is no big deal .it is a commonsensical approach to an issue which could lead to murder and far unpleasant consequence if not handled with tact.An insane mum or dad living within the marital home is
no better than the happy well sexed,sane divorced mum/dad living in another town.
.The concern should be how to avoid being infected when seeking necessary extramarital acess to sex.IF the sex is not given to those who badly desires it,if the law of marriage is going to be allowed to dam the free flow of legitimate natural tendencies,we should all be ready for the unpleasant consequence as told in todays SUN
which is reproduced below

DAILY,Sexless marriageí of murdered post wife By ALASTAIR TAYLOR

Published: 02 Apr 2011
A VILLAGE postmistress allegedly murdered by her husband had complained she was locked in a sexless marriage, a jury heard yesterday.
Robin Garbutt, 45, is accused of battering Diana, 40, over the head with a metal bar as she slept.

Accused … Robin Garbutt
He then pretended she had been attacked during an armed robbery at their Yorkshire Dales store, it is alleged. A pal of Diana, Craig Hall, told Teesside Crown Court she had admitted there were problems in her marriage.

He said: “She was happy, but not with everything. The sex – Robin was just not interested.

“The pair of them were going through a bit of a rough period – a lot to do with Robin being more interested in the shop than their relationship.” He added that she had told him the couple were having counselling to get “back on track”.

Mr Hall also admitted he had saucy chats on Facebook with Diana about sex acts, but denied they had a fling.

The court has heard that Diana had a string of affairs and that her infidelity “intensified” in the months before her death in March last year in Melsonby, North Yorks.

In a note to one man, found after her death, she said she had been part of “something seedy”, adding: “I feel like I have been living in some fantasy world.”

Garbutt denies murder. The trial continues.

May 3, 2011 at 10:47 pm
(39) loser says:

What a loser.

My parents loaded me up with “Respect Women and Respect yourself” and i believed them.

Never had a real sex relationship until i was engaged.
Then immediately after marriage, she started with all the lover-boyfriend stories. The married boyfriend stories really tore me up. She was not committing adultery, she was helping someone over a difficult time in their marriage.


30 years later and no sex for the last 10, i can admit that i am a loser. NO amount of alcohol dulls the pain – i know.
Even with drugs the numbness wears off.

Thanks Mom, Thanks Dad.
i was TOO stupid to read between the lines and TOO
cowardly to take chances.

Only death will cure me.
You CAN”T IMAGINE what it is to watch you wife smile as
she talks about her sexual past.
What a loser………………………………………………………

June 21, 2011 at 12:52 pm
(40) Steve says:

When there is no sex, there is no marriage. It’s that simple. For all people currently in a marriage with no intimacy, get the F out! I don’t care if you love them, they don’t love you. Love yourself first, and you’ll find love again, it’s everywhere you just can’t see it yet.

July 5, 2011 at 10:44 am
(41) Alberta says:

Been married 18 years, no children through choice. My husband treats me like I’m an aquaintance … no affection, no desire to engage intimatley, no displays of warmth or concern. He is never disrespectful, just distant. I have stayed because the man I married was loving and involved in ‘us’ and I have hung on to getting him back. But the man he is now tells me “I’ve changed”. Divorce seems the only option. No more threats, counselliong, no more entreaties for physical love. I’ve humuliated myself so many times asking (demanding) for him to see that I have not changed – that I still desire him and a physical relationship.

July 23, 2011 at 5:19 pm
(42) Marie says:

I have you all beat! I married my husband and instantly the sex ended. We had a very healthy sex life at first, in fact it was one to three times a day for the three years we dated and it was great! After two months of marriage my husband stopped all sex and 4play.

I found out that the whole time he had been lying to me. He has a medical condition that does not allow him to keep the blood flowing…I’m sure you see where this is going. Well he took medication at the right time EACH TIME. I seriously had no idea he had this issue.

In the two months I really started to wish I never married him, in fact I would start looking at things that never matter to me (size…it started to count). He told me he only married me because he knew I had a good heart and would not leave him once I found out he had this condition.

I started to feel depressed and that his issues were with me…that I was not sexy enough, etc. He told me that it is not me that he simply hates sex and he hates all forms of sex.

I want out so bad! He has litterally put us in a financial bind and he ADMITS doing this just so I am obligated to stay with him. I hate my husband, I wish I never fell in this trap! I keep saying that once the bills are paid off I will leave so I will not end up on the streets with our son. I have a decent job and decent pay but he makes sure I am pennyless!

It is now to where I cant stand to see him and I have so much anxiety that it is causing me to consider walking away from it all. I will not do that because I love my child.

How can someone be so mean? He is the biggest loser I have ever met…and heartless!

As a young woman I never imagined that my life would end up this way. I am 37 years old and I fear I will die without love, true love with lots of great, wild sex!

I have no other reason for staying but the financial factor. I make ends meet yet he builds up the debt…strange how life drives people to stupid decisions!

July 27, 2011 at 12:57 pm
(43) Tim says:

So many sad stories here. I’ve been in a sexless marriage for 20 years. It has really twisted my perspective on marriage. My hope for my kids is that they will go to college, get a good degree, get a good job, buy a small fixer house and then get a live-in mate. Then if/when the good doesn’t outweigh the bad, put their crap on the front lawn and change the locks. I was raised with the notion that marriage was the right place to raise a kid. Now I know that is just plain stupid. Why would I go ask permission to breakup from the state? That is the stupidist thing I ever heard of. It is nothing more than a money making scam by the government.

Love stinks, romance is an illusion, and it is a very long, long, long, dark, cold lonely walk down lovers lane.

I stay because of the kids, they are my life. Nothing is more important. As soon as the last one turns 18, I’m done with the marriage.

I had a therapist tell me once that I might have as little interest in sex as she does if I started seeing her as someone that I am not remotely attracted to. At first it sounded crazy. But slowly I found that it just happened. I find her the most unattractive, unsexy, physically repulsive person in my life. Yet she is still my closest friend.

It is lonely existance and I wish I could find someone locally in the same boat but even then I’m not sure I would actually mess around.

August 3, 2011 at 12:22 am
(44) Starved says:

I have been in a nine year relationship with very little sex. I am good looking, happy, successful and overall a pretty cool person. I cannot believe I am in this situation. We have been through a lot together and he has been my rock in those situations, but I owe him nothing for that. That’s the hook for women. Because he’s nice, kind blah blah blah… I have begged, pleaded, bought the porn! (yes you read that right), but because of his erection problems (previous wife) that thing is not cooperating at all. And listen ladies, if you think for one second that this is not a tool to diminish your self esteem, you are wrong! Sex is even more of a weapon for men. I’ve learned that. If men don’t get sex, they don’t gain weight, contemplate the universe and feel depressed. Most of them go and get some! I’m going to get what I need and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all. Get out and change your lives now before you’re too shy to take your clothes off! It doesn’t mean you’re a horrible person. It doesn’t mean he’s a horrible person. We all have the right to what we need and desire.

August 8, 2011 at 6:40 am
(45) Tashna says:

i am also in a sexless marriage, my man only wants it once a month, it kills me big time because i love it. All my guy friends loves sex and their women dont like it. it terrifies me a lot. Most of the time i think of doing it with one of them. i know it will hurt him but i am really suffering, i spoke to him so many times and he told me if i am not satisfied i can get it outside. that hurts heh!

August 22, 2011 at 12:09 am
(46) T. says:

I have been living in a sexless marriage for over 3 years. The last time me and my husband had sex was when I got pregnant with my 2nd daughter. He had no interest while I was pregnant. After giving birth, I had a bit of a cancer scare at which time I opted for a hysterectomy. After that, he no longer has any interest. He tells me that I listened to my doctor, who was a quack, and that I should have had anotehr baby with him (which is the only reason to have sex). From the time of diagnosis to hysterectomy, it was 8 months – He had ample opportunity to make it work and chose not to touch me. I am a 40 something, average weight and looks. Divorce seems like my only option, but I hate to see what that does to my 2 girls.

October 12, 2011 at 5:00 pm
(47) brian says:

im also i n a sexless marraige.

October 27, 2011 at 1:01 pm
(48) Finding the way to happiness says:

After 20 years finally got the courage to find
Happiness and leave. Zero sex for at least 14 years. Living as roommates was good for her and she was happy with that. Anger, frustration, rejection and complete confusion are just some of the emotions I’ve lived with for 20 years. The kicker is my wife is mad at me for asking for divorce. My advice to anyone reading this blog looking for answers…. If u r that unhappy and u have tried therapy and ur partner is just selfish enough to think everything is fine and doesn’t do a thing sexually to help or at least compromise…… Plan on getting out…. After kids get older or whenever…. DO NOT accept this way of living. I regret it but do not regret staying for the kids. You will know when you have had enough. I did and am moving forward to be happy. Divorce sucks but living with someone and being miserable is far worse. Being miserable impacts kids and the kids will grow to think that the nonagfrctionate relationship is normal. It’s not. Kids will adjust. Kids will survive. Kids need love and being miserable will impact them. I hope my anger will oneday go away and I can be happy. It definitely did not and won’t go away living with a roommate who could give a damn about sexual anything. I should have listened to my mom. Last note…. The honeymoon night was sexless. God knows why I didn’t see the light.

November 11, 2011 at 5:35 pm
(49) Wael says:

I’m married since 5 years. We were having sex regularly for the first 2 years….it was like twice per week. It was ok for me but i started to notice that i’m the one who always initiates sex. My wife doesn’t work and we have 2 kids.
I tried to avoid initiating sex to measure the frequency that is ok for her and i was shocked to realize that if i don’t initiate sex, weeks and even months will pass without sex. I started to feel frustrated. Once, we had a fight (not about sex) and she told me many negative things about me one of them is that i remember her as a wife in bed only. I believe i’m not that kind of men but anyway, i decided to change myself to keep our marriage going on. I did everything to satisfy her and to make her feel loved and cared about. Romantic dinner, gifts..etc..and it didn’t work. I feel continuous anger, frustration and depression. It reflects on our relation. Things are getting worse. I lost the desire to satisfy her and i started to think ” why don’t i think am i satisfied or not instead”
Another problem is that we never talk about sex. I tried to say it to her indirectly that sex is important for a healthy marriage but it didn’t work either. I can’t beg for sex. I know if i do, she will not reject me but i will feel very bad…i want to enjoy sex with a wife who wants me same way as i want her not a wife who gives me sex to shut me up.
After reading alot on this issue i realized that my wife just has low sex drive. I can’t blame her for our sexless life but i also don’t know what to do. I don’t want divorce because of the kids and i will never have sex outside marriage. So it seems that there’s no end for my problem. I feel so depressed when i realize the fact that i will live such a life until i die…..

December 7, 2011 at 2:11 am
(50) jeff says:

It’s amazing I thought I was part of a few but I see there are many more like me. Been married 20 years but it seems like since year 4 it’s been all down hill. I really feel cheated because my wife always seemed to have some kind of “medical” problem and I would wait for her to get better only to get pushed to the side. My wife never touches me and she never even mention sex. It seems as if she wants to do it when she thinks I am becoming more tired with the whole situation. I have never been unfaithful but now it’s getting much harder because I have run out of patience. I feel like I have been taken for granted. I am hurt and tired! I am too young to be STUCK with no sex for the rest of my life, I am only 41, I can’t see living like this too much longer!

December 12, 2011 at 10:24 pm
(51) Torn says:

Hello I too am in a sexless marriage but my situation is little different my husband has kidney failure and is on dialysis. He wants to have sex but can’t perform we have tried everything but nothing works I am in my prime and it is killing me that I can not have sex with my husband. My husband apologizes to me all time and had even told me that I can go find someone to have an affair I have no one to talk to about this I am so loney and don’t know what to do I don’t won’t to leave my husband it’s not is fault but what do I do????? I am very tempted and close to having an affair I’m I wrong??? What do I do??? Does anyone have any suggestions??? Pls help someone!

December 25, 2011 at 1:12 pm
(52) george says:

I have been living with this for over 10 years. I have not left because of my daughter. I love my wife, but now we are just friends, there is no sex. Frankly, I want out. The simple fact is that I have been having affairs for the last 10 years (10 of them). I am done. My only concern, is how much money will be left for out old age on the split.

December 31, 2011 at 1:29 am
(53) In WOW says:

I am very amazed with all these posts. I guess I took for granted the fact that my husband and I have a very healthy sexual relationship for 25 years of marriage. In the beginning, I was not crazy about sex, but he made it his duty to drag me into it by helping me feel real pleasure and he succeeded greatly. I feel very sorry for you guys because I truly believe that a strong bond in a relationship is formed by the closeness and this means sex –
Sex in a relationship is important regardless of what anyone else says. If you are unhappy, get out of it, I believe in marriage as long as it means love and daring – how would these selfish people sacrifice for the loved ones when they are not wiling to have sex? A sexless marriage is not a marriage!!

January 4, 2012 at 2:09 pm
(54) Lonnie says:

My wife and I have been married going on four years. My first wife of 30 years died of cancer. I waited 5years before getting remarried. My wife has now been married 3 times, her first marriage ended in divorce due to both of them cheating on one another. Her second husband died due to a brain tumor. We dated for a time and she did all types of sexual things with me. But soon after we married she said she no longer would do any oral sex for me. But she wants it done to her. The past 3 years we have had sex once a month or less actually. In 2011 we had sex 10 times the entire year. We have talked about this, but all I get is she is tired most of the time. I am 61 years and she is 56 years of age. I am retired, but she works outside the home. Lately she calls to tell me she is working late. I do all the cooking, laundry, cleaning, taking care of the house inside an out. I fear if our sex life gets worse, I will file for divorce. I will not stay in this sexless marriage much longer. Help if you can!!!
Thank You for your time and info.

January 13, 2012 at 12:25 pm
(55) Amy says:

My husband and I hadn’t had sex,intimacy,love what ever you call it in since we were married 45 years ago. Thats right 45 years. After the I DOs were done and the wedding night was over sex was gone forever. The next day he move all his things down stairs and built a small apartment. Weve done absolutly nothing together. I guess after the shock and years of depression I finally accepted my fate in life. So here I’m over 40 years later no nothing from husband and totally beaten down.

January 31, 2012 at 5:18 pm
(56) destroyed says:

I am a 53 year old woman. My marriage is ten years old and I have been totally destroyed by this a$$hole. I married him to have a husband and to have a family. He is sexless, makes no effort at all, and I just wasted the last years of my fertility on him. I asked him once why he married me if he knew that I expected children and sex and he replied he thought we could “hang out”. Boy if I had known that! It is too late for the family now, but I can still find someone to “hang out ” with to meet my needs, not just his. Lesson on this one is, if they selfishly don’t care how you feel or what is important to you, they don’t love you.

February 7, 2012 at 1:32 am
(57) Jan says:

A sexless marriage is a lifeless mariage, simple. Im also in a similar situation with my wife, when I married her she was a virgin and I tought her all that she knows about sex, but after all this time she still not showing interest in sex, I do the initiation, sometimes I feel lonely while she is sleeping next to me. Sex is important in every marriage.

February 25, 2012 at 1:06 am
(58) Sexless Marriage Advice says:

Sex is the glue that binds together every marriage. If both people are not into it then I guess they have found some other glue, or simply find marrige to be mroe of a freindship living arrangement than a real relationship.

For everyone else it is essential. It is not really the sex either, it is the intimacy that comes form sex. It is the closeness and connectedness. It is the absolute way of telling someone that you accept them body and soul.

My advice though for those in a sexless relationship is to not just look at your partner. It is often thier problems true, but your own actions might be inhibiting some healing as well. Watch out for the wall of resentment both sides build – knock that down and the feelings can flow again.

March 3, 2012 at 3:03 pm
(59) Still waiting says:

My husband and I have been in a rocky marriage with his internet porn endeavors and online chat exploits for over 11 years. For the past 6 years there has been not attempt on his part for sex with me. He will hug me when he goes to work in the morning. I recently lowered my self to beg my husband for sex one last time and he said, “If I had sex with you, you would be a whore”. What the hell do I do with that, pray tell?

March 25, 2012 at 5:43 am
(60) Alexa says:

I’m also living the same nightmare as most people staying in a loveless and sexless marriage. I married for all the wrong reasons but I was honest with my husband he knew how much in love I was with my ex. That relationship was not working. I was in my mid 40,s and I let my husband convinced me he had enough love for the two of us. He also treated me like no other man had done before. I wanted the marriage to work but 6 months later I suffered an accident which left me unable to go back to work. My husband is only 42 he can have future with someone younger, have his children and give him the love I know I’ll never be able to. However, he doesn’t believe in divorce. We do not sleep together or do much together, but we also try to stay out of each other way and not fight, but it’s a living hell inside of me.

March 28, 2012 at 12:10 am
(61) Lovin' Life and Sex again says:

After 20+ years of marriage my husband wanted a divorce. We were very sexually active early in our marriage. 2 kids, professional careers, going back to school, etc… over the years our intimacy diminished. Then it became almost non-existent. I had gained some weight but not obese. Still good enough to attract plenty of attention from other men. My husband lost interest and criticized me. He didn’t like my body. He made me so uncomfortable to get naked that I lost interest in sex with him. Long story short, I tried counseling and he refused.

I bought into all the stories of men who were unhappy in their sexless marriages. I didn’t realize there were so many other women like me, who enjoy and want sex on a regular basis. Thank you to all the women who have posted their stories. I know I am not alone.

Would there be more successful happy marriages if couples openly discussed sexual expectations, needs and desires before and during marriage?

March 29, 2012 at 3:45 pm
(62) Karren says:

A co-worker of mine’s told me to go to Old Religion Temple because I went to some other spell caster’s and nothing worked to get my husband back. I felt all was lost, but Dr. Oldest stepped in after I got a phone consultation from him. He saw the problem and told me when things fell apart. I had him to cast the Obstacle Breaker and Ultimate Return My Lover Spell since things was blocking my husband to come to me and three days after the spells was casted my husband came back to me. I’m a woman of my word, so I had to spread the news to let other’s know who helped me. contact him through oldreligoin@gmail.com… Karren

April 2, 2012 at 9:25 pm
(63) Jennifer says:

I can relate sooooo much to some of the women here… I can say I am in a sexless marriage, because there wouldn’t be any sex if I didn’t say something about it… I only mention it to him once a month, because it’s all I can take… It makes me feel horrible about myself, like there must be something wrong with me… Am I getting too old, too fat, too boring??? I’ve tried communicating with him about it, in different ways… all were just received with pathetic excuses and lies. I am officially fed up with it. I know there is nothing truly wrong with me. I’m not perfect, nor a supermodel, but I do get many glances, winks, and compliments about how I look, and how I am such a nice caring person… heck, I even have offers of “if you ever find yourself single, look me up…” We have been married for 17 years, but it’s starting to feel like a suffocating eternity… I am only 38 years old, and not ready, nor willing to feel like my life is over… like it’s all downhill from here,,, I really just don’t know what to do about it anymore… I would like to not care, but I do… :’(

April 30, 2012 at 5:39 pm
(64) DoingWithout says:

I am 51 and my husband is 58. We have been together since 2000. He stopped wanting sex about 7-8 months after we moved in together. Those first few months…wow! Non-stop sex. I went ahead and married him 2 years later, because he kept telling me, “I’ll change”. I’ve spent the last 12 years of my life like this. Now, I feel too old and too tired to leave. Maybe some of them do “change”. This one didn’t and I kept sticking it out and sticking it out thinking he would eventually change when he truly realized how badly it hurt me to not be wanted. We’ve been to two or three differen’t counselors. I am so full of resentment. I believe he was this way before I met him and he put on a show for me when we first got together. I feel cheated and lied to and ignored. I long to be touched again; to be wanted sexually. Think long and hard before marrying someone lke this because you think he will change. Comments? justforfuntoday at g mail dot com.

May 11, 2012 at 6:48 am
(65) Bobila says:

Just recently we celebrated our first wedding anniversary. After 2-3 months, we have had very less sex. Its been 3 months when he had it last. Both of us are in love with each other and he is very supportive, caring always. But when the question of sex comes, he feels I’l get pregnant and since I am pursuing my post doc degree, he wants to avoid it..as it wud be difficult for me to handle. He watches porn regularly and masturbates too. Advices me to do the same to vent off my emotional needs. He has assured, once I complete my education, everything wud be normal but I feel we wud lose such gud time together that wud never come back again. Please help!!

June 12, 2012 at 11:38 pm
(66) Demonica says:

I’m 27, & my husband is 41. I met him when I was 18, & told him back then, that I was only looking for a good time, nothing serious. That was Oct of 2003. Just a few months later, in January, we are having great sex, & BAM! By March, we find out we’re expecting. Being only 19, I decide that this man is stable, we laugh, get along great, & have an amazing sex life. Yes, I’ll marry you. Even during my pregnancy, we had great sex. After our son was born, we married 2 months later. And just like that, it began to slowly dwindle.

The first couple of years, it went from once every 1-2 days to once every 3-4. Then around year 3, it was once every few weeks. Year 4 brought once every 3-4 months and by year 5, it was about 2 times a year. I was heartbroken.

I tried nicely talking about it with him, he’d listen and be an active participant in the talk, & he would promise to ‘fix it’. We would have sex a few times during a 1 month course, & then it would vanish again. Gone until the next time i brought it up. I’ve cried to him, begged for it, humiliated myself, and every time he’ll cry and tell me how much he loves me and he’ll ‘fix it’. Every time I get my hopes up, and it cuts that much deeper when it’s not fixed.

We’ve gone to Drs, a counsellor (who told us pretty much to just pray about it and keep trying…wtf?!)…hell I’ve even had an affair with another woman for 8 months because I didnt want to sleep with another man other than him. I told him about it when i decided to end the affair, and he was understanding about why I had the affair, but expected me to come back to him and continue our marriage now that I had it out of my systerm. WHAT MARRIAGE?! You mean the one where we tell each other we love each other, and hold hands in the car, and kiss each other goodbye when he leaves for work (everything restrained because people can see), and THATS IT?! No hugs, or private kisses, or passion…just…nothing.

June 12, 2012 at 11:38 pm
(67) Demonica says:

Well, now we’re coming up on 8 years of marriage in a few mths, and I’ve finally decided to quit letting myself die a little inside every time we go to bed and there’s nothing but snores from him. I met a WONDERFUL and ATTENTIVE man, who is Divorced with 2 children. It’s like I’m alive again. I’m 27 friggin years old. I refuse to go down without a fight. I fought for my marriage. Since that hasn’t worked, it’s time to know when to pick your batttles. I’m fighting for MYSELF now. I’m going to have an amazing love affair and not regret it at all. To Hell With Celibate Marriages!!! Hello Lover!!!.

June 20, 2012 at 11:01 pm
(68) dejected says:

I am 52 years old and have not had sex for at least 3 years because my husband won’t have sex. I am seriously considering finding someone to have sex with and I don’t even think I will feel guilty. I SO miss the intimacy in my marriage. Not sure how to go about finding a willing partner. Any suggestions?

June 29, 2012 at 11:58 pm
(69) RedPony says:

I’ve lived in a sexless marriage for 20 years, very much against my will but have been unable to leave for financial reasons and the fact that I got breast cancer and had a double mastectomy 2 years into our marriage. I’m 60 so it’s not as though I can go out and find a job that I can support myself with plus pay for all my prescriptions and medical insurance. If I could I would leave him in a minute.

July 1, 2012 at 2:44 am
(70) Jason says:

I am 29 years old have only been married 2 years and one month have been together 7 yrs… that being said im in a sexless marriage.. its worse now that we had a baby but even before that pretty much since we’ve been married. When we first got together it was much better she’s very modest but we used to do it in some crazy places like a movie theatre pulled over on the side of the road places like that… i love sex so the fact that im almost 30 and my sex life is more like my parents sucks. We’ve had our issues but ive never cheated not that she believes but i truly haven’t still i dont ever have the urge too but im afraid i will i see beautiful women all the time and to me the womans body is the most beautiful thing in the world . I love breast butts legs thighs and most of all the womans private area. Im really into going down on a woman more so then her on me granted i love sex better than both. So now when i see a beautiful woman i start to fantasize about me and her naked covered in each others sweat making love for hrs.. i feel horrible for thinking this way but i feel its screwed up that i must fantasize about my wife i should be able to enjoy her. I just want to feel wanted again . I love her very much but im starting to feel like its a lost cause. Or maybe i should be like tom and cheat? Any ideas

July 1, 2012 at 2:58 am
(71) Jason says:

Its also crappy because she had been married before and complained he was always to tired or playing video games to have sex so when we first got together we made a pact to at least have sex 3 times a week… i see all these woman posting on here thinking to myself why couldn’t she be like them
.. i agree without sex its just a friendship… grrrrr this is so frustrating.. i just want to rip someones clothes off and make passionate love for hrs nonstpp… i feel like such a dock for feeling this way

July 2, 2012 at 1:57 pm
(72) Please me says:

13 years married. I have never cheated in any way. I am to the point where I wish I had someone to call and say wanna use me all day? No foreplay. Just do me all day.screw my brains out. I have gotten two stomach surgeries. Weigh 120 . I got a boob Job. Still nothing from my husband.. I am a Christian . But I have gotten to the point where I just feel like a freaking animal that wants it so bad. Frustrated seriously .

July 4, 2012 at 8:15 pm
(73) Jason says:

Its sad that so many people feel the same exact way. It makes you wonder maybe I didn’t find the person for me. there is obviously a lot of women who have the same needs. I wish you all the best of luck in having your needs fulfilled.

July 17, 2012 at 12:41 pm
(74) Diva Deb says:

This is really scary, Im reading all about me. For 32yrs ive been married to a good father, he always took care of us and still does. My youngest son will be 25 in August, my husband and i have had no sex for 20yrs. I am in a state of confusion, if i go im alone, if i stay im depressed! I have no job, and being 57yrs old couldnt be more depressing> Should I seek professional help? I am alone even when hes around me, We dont laugh like we use to, I find ways just to leave go out with my girlfriends, go to a movie alone. How can I spend the rest of my life like this? Someone please give me some advice.

July 23, 2012 at 6:41 am
(75) Denise says:

I am not married but I’ve been with my current partner for 12 years. He and I have never had a proper sexual realationship. I’m 50 he’s 51, so I haven’t had a sex life since I was about 36 because i was single for a little while before meeting him. At first I was sympathetic. I gave him time. After a while, I bought books on the subject of sexual problems and how to deal with them. I did all the thinking. I tried to find ways to make it work. He let me do the thinking and watched TV night after night while I wept in bed. I loved him and I couldn’t deal with his lack of interest in sex. After a couple of years I became angry and resentful and eventually gave up caring and contented myself with no sex. After all, I don’t really need sex, I’d just would like it occasionally, and I loved him still in spite of everthing. Earlier this year I discovered he’d been looking at porn online. Something died. I think I still love him but certainly don’t want sex with him now. He says he wants to try, but he’s been saying that for years. For the first time I’m seriously thinking of finding a sexual partner outside of the relationship, but I probably won’t do this. I’ve actually been flirting with the postman! How sad is that! I’d laugh about it if I could stop crying. The really sad thing is, this is the second realtionship I’ve been in where my partner didn’t want sex with me. The first one ended very badly. I’m choosing nice men who are thoroughly repressed, it seems. Except I did have one partner who would have sex three times a day If he could and he was abusive. I’m just a poor chooser.

July 29, 2012 at 6:04 pm
(76) WILLNOT says:

LOL yea sexless marriage sucks but what is even worst is a marriage where your wife thinks there is sex but there is not.
we have sex once a month or whenever she wants it… but she is the one that gets the orgasm once or twice her way which is good but she doesnt pay it back… we have to stop after ther big O since she get tender… so in her mind we just had sex… but now im horny like crazy with nothing to do.. i wait but after an hour or two i try she is like we just had sex… i stoped asking for it so now she is like how come u dont ask me to have sex any more… not that she wants to have sex she just likes for me to be beging for it and I WILL NOT BEG ANYMORE. SO now she is bitching about my cheating…

August 6, 2012 at 4:40 pm
(77) Heather says:

Well, I too am in a sexless marriage. I have always had an extremely high sex drive, and at 33 that has not changed. My husband of five years, however, tells me that he never feels the need to have sex. We have been together for 12 years total and it was never a very sexual relationship, but I love him, and felt that we could work it out. Since we have been married, we have only had sex 4 times, and we are currently nearing the one year mark of no sex. In the beginning I would try to make him feel bad, so that he would have sex with me, but that got old , so I no longer try at all, which means we will not have sex. He is not completely distant with me. He likes to get me all worked up, then not carry through, which pisses me off even more. I have considered hooking up with other people just for sex, but I can’t bring myself to break my vows. We were best friends before we got together, and we seem to be back in that place. There is no other man that I would rather spend my life with, but I am not sure that just having a wonderful platonic relationship is enough. I am trying to put my needs in the background and hope that we can be happy with the way things are. The question is, Can I be happy with no sex?

August 14, 2012 at 6:16 pm
(78) Anonymous says:

To the woman who is 33, it will not get better. I have been married for 17 years, and I am 38. My husband cut me off after our third child was born, and she is now 7. We have sex maybe twice a year. I ask and am always turned down. I would get a divorce, but we have three young children to raise. I am miserable and I do believe that most people who are cheated on deserve to be cheated on. not having sex with your spouse is a form of emotional abuse.

August 15, 2012 at 3:10 am
(79) J says:

I have been married for 7 years and the sexless marriage began right after marriage. (When we were dating, the relationship was normal.) We had kids early and we were in our 20s. The fact is that she doesn’t want sex and is not interested in it. She is a lovely person and I guess I am stuck. It sucks when you have to go through your 20s and 30s without sex life. I could never imagine this happening to me, but it happened.

August 17, 2012 at 7:04 am
(80) Craig says:

My wife and I are both in our mid-40s, and have been married over 20 years. The sex was ok when we were first married, but always fairly inhibited (no lights, missionary, almost no oral), and she is very prudish and defensive about the subject when it comes up in the presence of other couples. Then after a couple of kids (grown now) things went from about once every 3 months at the height of our relationship to maybe once every one or two years. To her there was no problem because her needs were met. I was very frustrated, and used to bring it up once in a while, but I was told that it’s all I ever think about, and that sex is just not all that important to her. Well, after a few years of this routine I stopped bringing up the subject altogether. Now my wife thinks I’m having an affair when I’m not, even though I should. She monitors my online activity, telling me that my conversations are inapropriate, and has hired an investigator to trace numbers that I have texted. I’m done. This is too much.

August 18, 2012 at 5:04 pm
(81) conrad says:

I was married for 16 years and the sex was never wild. In fact I often wonder whether my wife really did enjoy our intimacy as much as she said she did. It wasn’t as regular as we both (at least I would have liked) and eight years ago ( a year before our second child was born) my wife started to state that she was no longer interested in sex. Despite her sporadic efforts to make love and a year ago her asking (when the last time we were intimate) she made no attempt to improve the situation. Interestingly just 1 month before she asked this question she was all over me when were on holiday. She showed clear signs that she genuinely was aroused during love making but soon after our return I was asked for a divorce. Did I make any effort? Yes I did but it was met with cold responses. Now, almost one year later we are in the middle of divorce proceedings.
Of course the divorce was not ONLY about a low frequency of sexual intimacy but it contributed to the lack of closeness and sharing intimate thoughts and feelings. In short we didn’t communicate our needs as nearly as often as we should have and we paid the price.
If we had done our utmost to express our needs and tried to help each other in any way possible to help stimulate physical closeness we would probably not be divorcing now.

August 28, 2012 at 2:12 am
(82) lola says:

I’m in a 51 year marriage. The 21 years and 9 months I have not had sex. He had a stroke that length of time. We only discuss the issue 3 times in those 21 years. My libido is off the chart, I could have sex at least 3 times a day. I’m 70. What I’m going to do is divorce this man.

August 30, 2012 at 11:55 am
(83) tina says:

My husband and I have not had sex in over 3 years, and he has stop even wanting to kiss me, hold me and over the past year and a half, we sleep in seperate rooms.
I am going through menopause, I have gained weight since we got married in 2005, the menopause has caused me to be moody, but my I still have a sex drive.
I am started to hate myself, and the only reason I havent left and I don;t think any one else would want me either, and I am going on 50 and I don’t want to live the next 50 years by myself.
what can i do?

August 31, 2012 at 1:37 pm
(84) Cathy Mannion says:

I’m here to discuss things from the other side – the spouse that doesn’t want sex. I was a wild woman until menopause hit me like a truck at 38. Then – nothing. I’m hypothyroid so taking extra estrogen just defeats the thyroid meds so nothing doing there. Then at 48 I get diabetes and my quality of life nose-dives and I am like a 90 year old in energy. I feel so sorry for my husband, but you guys have got to understand that when you don’t want something it’s hard to find a reason to get it back, i.e. libido. I still love him but hormonally I’m like an eight year old again – no hormones, no sex drive. I

August 31, 2012 at 4:27 pm
(85) Cathy Meyer says:

Cathy, your marriage is sexless due to physical ailments. Our marriage vows say, “in sickness and in health.” Your situation is understandable and I feel empathetic toward you and your husband.

You are not willfully refusing sex which is what this article is about. Dueling libidos can be hard to align to both spouse’s satisfaction but there needs to be effort put, by both spouses into each one having those needs met.

Some people don’t feel it is their place to meet their spouse’s sexual needs and don’t understand what the problem is with a lack of sex. That is how marriages become damaged and sometimes beyond repair.

September 2, 2012 at 1:39 am
(86) amy says:

My husband and I stopped having sex within a few weeks after marriage. He makes good money and is a decent person so I stayed around. We enjoy hanging out together and have fun as a couple. That bring said..I have had multiple affairs and one stands. I cannot even count how many men I have been with. Currently I am seeing a guy who is 22 years my junior and having the best sex of my life at 50 years of age. I will never leave my husband but refuse to go without sex.

September 11, 2012 at 6:51 pm
(87) amalie says:

I’ve been with my other half not even two years and married just over a month and I can’t help thinking it was a mistake. I love him and I know he loves me but its like we’re more friends then anything. He’s sex drive was never great but he used to initiate it, show interest and make me feel desired. But its slowly dwindled down to just nothing now. I’ve tried talking to him so many times that I’ve lost count and its just like he doesn’t hear me. In the past probably 9 months no sex would of even happened if I hadn’t of started it and even then its like I had to mention it in advance so I knew whether to even bother or not. No passion no excitement no spontaneity. Now we’re married its like he’s happy to just watch tv every night and live a sexless marriage. Its even got to the point where I don’t bother taking the pill anymore coz what’s the point in using contraception when you don’t have sex. He seems happy with this too, like it gets him off the hook of having to pretend he wants sex with me. I’m not even 25 yet and I feel ugly, undesired, and generally just not even like a woman. I get so angry and frustrated at his lack of desire for me that im pretty sure if we wernt married and were just in a relationship it would very soon be over. Its like he’s just happy to settle into the life of a married couple in their 70s. I find myself thinking about the sex lives i had with other people in the past and even though i don’t want those people, i fear il never again have that feeling of truely being wanted and desired by someone else.

September 12, 2012 at 12:24 am
(88) Cathy Meyer says:

Amelia, why did you marry him?

September 12, 2012 at 3:16 am
(89) Amalie says:

There were times where I doubted if we should get married but he assured me things would be better, we would be happy. And he would make me guilty if I mentioned being unsure about getting married coz in his eyes that meant I didn’t love him, it was like we either married or we split. I do love him alot and in some ways can imagine a happy future but just because I see it it doesn’t mean it will happen. Its like he’s just too lazy or just doesn’t care enough to try and make things better. I’ve explained how him never wanting to have sex with me feels but he makes me feel like im going on about it all the time, i don’t think he understands that lack of sex equals lack of intimacy, affection and a feeling you get from no one else that you only get from the person your having sex with. He complains that im not affectionate anymore but its only because it got to the point where it was only me making the effort. Why should i give him what he’s happy to settle with (a cuddle and a quick kiss, the same kind he would give a sister or friend) when he can never even come close to trying to meeting me half way.

September 14, 2012 at 4:21 pm
(90) Jun says:

I’ve not yet married but im with my partner for almost 5 years. good thing is we didnt stop tryng new things, i think this is the way to keep the heat up. try new things so no one can get bored.

September 20, 2012 at 10:02 am
(91) vikkyraj says:

I m 35 yrs old & married 15 years before. My wife lost interest from sex entirely. She hate sex. So we have not been sex for the 12 years. She does not allow me to touch her. I love her very much, so don’t want to diverse her. But i m not happy. My hearts are burning all the night. But she does not want to sleep with me.I can’t bear this entire sexless activity , but nothing to do.

September 24, 2012 at 2:50 pm
(92) jodemh82 says:

I’ve known my husband 6 years, married 4 years and we have NEVER had sex. I fell in love with him and when I initiated having sex, he said he had problems and he thought it was from his blood pressure medicaiton. I have begged and pleaded for him to get help from the doctor. Only 2 times has he “taken care of me” throughout being together. Finally, last week he talked to his doctor and got both cialis and viagra from his doctor. It put a huge smile on my face to know that FINALLY we would be intimate. Well, the weekend has come and gone and NOTHING. He hasn’t even tried. He sleeps on the couch most of the time. I am stuck here because of financial reasons and I think I might be going nuts without any sort of intimacy. I have tried talking to him and he ignores me. Maybe he’s gay?? I don’t know. HELP

October 15, 2012 at 1:36 am
(93) penny says:

I’ve been married for 27 yrs to a man that I knew in grade school we were both in our 20′s whe we married and had an ok sex life for maybe 10 yrs.Then it got longer and longer between sex,I would do the same things,talk about how long it’d been,cry what was wrong,feel humiliated and he would be like oh hun sorry I been so stressed from work has it hasn’t been that long has it over a month,what?Then the pity sex once or twice and the same thing over and over..Now the last 2 to 3 yrs almost non-exsistant.Its been over 2 months since our last sexual encounter,and @ 52 I’m just about screaming for a real relationship of some kind.Our family loves this man and I do too but I need a husband that wants to hold me tell me I’m attractive,I have been told I am.I don’t look 52 at all most people think I’m in my 30′s..Its been so long though since I’ve been with him,I don’t know how to just walk away.I’m stuck in a sexless,almost non exsistance marriage..We didn’t have any kids cause we didn’t have enough sex to make one..LOL..and thats pitiful.Some days I cry myself to sleep just thinking on that one..Lord help me before I’m too old to even care…

October 16, 2012 at 7:38 am
(94) Cape Cod Paulie says:

Sexless marriages are almost always the husband is not getting sex because the wife is selfish. In a very low percentages of cases, the husband is not having sex with the wife.

I love how females say “there must be something wrong with the relationship” so as to blame the husbands.

Bottom line: wives get complacent in marriages. Wives get comfortable and because they are insecure about everything, they feel power controlling the sex. They try to change husbands and use sex as a tool.

Almost every married guy I know has this problem. This is an epidemic. Women know this but do not want to lose the power or control of the sex.

I am instructing my son to never get married. It makes complete suckers of men.

October 24, 2012 at 12:47 am
(95) ErfLaris says:

Sorry My English is not So Good,
Itís Very Disappointing to Here How People Live without Sex for Such a long time! Though Having Partners, there should be something wrong, I have been married Since Almost 8 Years and I have two kids 3yr and 8 yr Iam 38 now and Wife 29, Yes Relationship issues comes Up Always But not to extent Not having Sex for such a long time, We do Quarrel each other especially when u have kids to look after, their teaching, House Stuff, Work Related Stuff Etc., But God Has given such a enjoyable gift have to use it to Satisfy Our Life, We Both of us Promised Each Other that we will ever Quarrel Each other for Sex, Though we have any personal issue leave it behind, If once approaches another with Hugs and Kiss will understand each otherís need and we starts over and after we forget all, Sex makes Keeps Healthy relation, We forget all our Ways for Quarrel or Anything that need Mutual Help After Sex, we do become so close that we cannot Live without each Other, We do have sex regularly Though not every day but least 3 times week,

One thing that I Like Always Though my Partner is Busy all the day At House stuff, Least I requested her to spend about 30 minutes in day for your dearest one and the one with whom have to live though out the life, Keeping the body neat and clean, Have shower Before sleep, etc. It applies to male partner too,

Maintaining relation is not so easy but with mutual understanding it can be achieved, but No to sex think some where some issue, which need counseling or End Up having Bad relation and Will End up having extra marital relation,

November 1, 2012 at 5:52 am
(96) sexless says:

I am a divorced that enjoyed sex almost every other night with my first marriage. I remarried over 3 years ago and cannot believe how much my secluded has changed. We maybe have sex once a month if even! I’m so tired of sleepless nights, excuses, even vacations, holidays, and birthdays gone by hoping for any type of sexual display and Nothing. I so desire to be touched, loved, and just desired. Everytime I discuss my indifference with my husband…he will say he will change, then another 30 days of abstinence. I’m starting to resent my marriage and definitely him. I don’t want to be in a marriage like this at all and am so extremely tired of Talking about change. If he cannot take an approach to atleast understand my love language, then I feel I must begin to change my purpose and direction in even staying married! I feel hopeless, undesired, and definitely last on his lust of priorities. My husband even took me to see HOPE FALLS recently and thought it was such a great movie. I told him I hated it..it was US only 20 years earlier. So sad to hear others go through this but I am not gonna remain sad about something that wont ever change and just gets worse. If my husband isn’t willing to try to do something about my unhappiness, I feel I have no choice but to leave. I feel alone anyway so what’s the difference?

November 2, 2012 at 9:51 am
(97) Sad in NC says:

I am 42 years old, and just shy of my 20-year wedding anniversary. I am just heartbroken over the issue of sex in my marriage. My husband’s sex drive has never been fabulous … just barely enough for me for the first 6-7 years, and not nearly enough since then. However, we have always gotten along great, have lots of things in common, and have a deep appreciation and love for each other, plus two great kids and an exceptionally happy home life. He is hard working and kind, and does many things for me that most of my friends’ husbands don’t do for them. He has gained a little weight over the past five years, but not so much that he is unhealthy or that I don’t find him attractive. I am slim/stay in shape and am attractive. He tells me all the time that he thinks I’m pretty. But in the bedroom, things are very off track. We have sex about once every two weeks — sometimes less — but lately we have an even bigger problem. Over the past year, he is either not interested at all, or can’t get/maintain an erection. Even when he is erect, he’s not fully erect. I know he is feeling self-conscious about it, but insists that it’s b/c he doesn’t get enough sleep and is tired. Even when we do make love successfully, he is VERY quick … nothing for me, not for a long time now.

November 2, 2012 at 9:52 am
(98) Sad in NC says:

Part 2:
I love him and he’s a good father/husband, but this has been going on, to some degree, for YEARS, and I feel so resentful of him!! I don’t feel close to him at all, no longer miss him when he’s not around, and feel so, so sad. I feel that, despite all the good stuff I said above, I married the wrong person and that we are not a good match. I can’t destroy our our kids’ lives by leaving. I would also never have an affair, but I’m sad to admit that I’m spending more and more time thinking about a man I know from church who I KNOW is attracted to me. I don’t give this man ANY indication that I am anything other than very happily married — no flirting, nothing. But I shouldn’t be thinking of anyone other than my spouse!!! I am so sad to realize that I am loving my husband less every day … I wish we had a fulfilling intimate relationship, but after many years of discussions, temporary improvements, and ultimate “revert to the norm” cycles, I am just out of patience.

November 2, 2012 at 11:43 am
(99) Jenn says:

In response to AMALIE, when I read your story, I couldn’t have related more. I’m 26 years old and my husband and I have been married close to a year. Since marriage, we have engaged in sex probably 8 times. If that much. I’ve tried talking to him about it but its like he’s not listening. I’ve told him we should possibly consider counseling bit again its like he doesn’t care. I will give him credit because he did go to a doctor. Of course, maybe he went to shut me up. I don’t know. But anyways, the tests come back OK. So, I have done everything in my power, before, to try and get him to notice me. Its like I’m begging to be loved? He never up and tries anything and when he does, its like he’s doing it so he ccan say he tried. We haven’t had sex in 2 months. I have lost the desire to kiss him, snuggle to him, etc. And it makes me feel even more awful because he does tell me I’m beautiful and he does try to make me feel good. He just doesn’t show it. Its literally an emotional battle because I’m constantly trying to change my looks to get him to notice me. I sometimes wonder if I was a model and had the perfect body if he wouldn’t change his mind and make love to me every night. I don’t have the perfect body because I had a child a few years back and I’ve been a little chunky all my life. But is that a marriage? Constantly beating yourself up because you want to constantly be perfect for your spouse? Ill have to admit, I’ve thought about cheating, but I can’t. I love him too much. But I’m also miserable. And he knows this. He just thinks that ill stay with him no matter what. And that breaks my heart even more :( . Help!

November 11, 2012 at 3:20 pm
(100) Gio says:

To Amalie and Jenn, thank you so much for your comments, it is comforting to see younger adults like myself dealing with and knowing I am not alone. I am 28 and have been married for 3 years. When my wife and I married I was stationed over seas in Okinawa. Sex was great when she came out to see me in Japan or when I came home to see her, however when I came home the sex disappeared. For the past year and a half were down to once a month and thats a battle. I have wonder if its me, tried losing weight, getting new air cuts, or changing my work schedule so I am home more, non of these have helped. I am tired I tired, I thought maybe it was me and I needed to get over it, but seeing website like this one and other forums I see I share much of the same stories and feeling as everyone else. I dont want to lose my wife I love her I love her companionship but I dont want to lose my sexuality. I hate having a better sexual relationship with my hand then I do my wife. Masterbation and porno make me feel empty. I am seeing from post here that the only solution is to start over with someone new but that is so hard. Sorry I am venting. Thank you everyone for your post and insight and good look to you all.

November 11, 2012 at 4:03 pm
(101) Stacey says:

Oh my gosh… I want to cry. I feel like I’m going nuts. I hear friends say to me sex isn’t everything but in a relationship where there is a lack of or none at all it is frustrating. I Am a 41 yr old woman who is engaged to a great guy. When we first met we were all over each other as time went on I would initiate sex w/him and he couldn’t maintain an erection long enough for either one of us to be satisfied. I suggested a Urologist appt. He went & told me everything was good. When I asked what he had told the doctor it was the complete opposite of what he had told me what was wrong. I’m so upset bc I feel like I’m living w/a roommate there is NO Intimacy at all.. Like I said before he is a great guy, I don’t want to hurt him but something has got to give or at least find out what the problem is.. And before anyone can say maybe he isn’t attracted to me that is NOT the case. I am hopelessly lost, borderline depressed because of it & feels like he doesn’t care especially when he tells me he can achieve an erection early in the morning while I Am at work.

November 14, 2012 at 2:25 am
(102) Angel says:

I have been with my wife for 10 years and I love her with all my heart the first 6 months we had sex every other day and all of a sudden it stopped its now been 4 years since we have had sex and never understood why she doesnt its hard for me as it is but I love her I believe my vows and our love is still there but I cant kiss her without wantin sex or hold her long enough without thinking of it reading these comments has given me comfort on knowing im not alone in a sexless marriage. PS for those in thinking on cheating on your wife thats wrong you love your spouse you chose to love them not the sexual intercourse, but thats an opinion

November 14, 2012 at 12:17 pm
(103) Marsha says:

I am a counselor and I work with couples facing these same issues re: sexless marriages. The most common rationale for not wanting out of that marriage is either based on a vague promise to God to never divorce, or staying for the sake of the children. In the mean time, these marriages begin to resemble a type of prison, where the sexual partners place themselves under the control of their non-sexual prison guard spouses, and they wonder why they are are sad, angry, and frustrated? I volunteer at a men’s prison, and the under-lying issue reflecting these same three emotional states is one of being controlled by another human being! I would recommend reading the book “Kosher Sex” by Rabbi Schmuley Boteach. God made woman for the man! Sex is not just for the procreation of children within the marriage. Sex is a very sweet kind of glue that bonds the man to his woman. Woman has the right to deny her man any type of sex that would hurt her (physically) or cause harm to her safety or well-being–as does the man– but this is something that should be discussed between the partners–outside the bedroom. Good luck to all of you who are working through these challenges within these sexless marriages. Remember that YOU hold the key to your own happiness in life!

November 16, 2012 at 9:04 pm
(104) Dave says:

Glad to take the opportunity to vent myself. 42 yrs old male…..married for 11 years……lucky if we have sex once every 3 months. And when it happens, it is nightime, under the covers, pretty vanilla sex. It is not even satisfying. My wife just doesnt like sex, that is about it. My overwhelming emotion is apathy and frustration. I touch her bare skin and get an immediate erection but I can rub her all over and not a peep, not a sound, zero response. You may consider this naive, but I know she is not cheating. She just is not a sexual person and with every day, week, month of marriage….she just cared less. We have kids…no more coming…..so….I tolerate that HUGE piece that is missing…..scared to death to get caught cheating, masturbating pretty much every day. Right now I basically have had the desire sucked out of me……getting turned down 2,000 times does that. Maybe one day I can find a discreet woman to satisfy that part I am missing, that is my dream But each day I put on a happy face….which is possible, we have a great life, great families, great kids, financially secure…….but what I wouldnt give for a partner who enjoys sex as much as I do. Someone mentioned in a post above about telling their son not to get married……I know I need to warn my boys at the right time and urge them to find a partner that satisfies them. I know I didnt put enough emphasis on this part pre marriage, I thought it would get better. Boy was I wrong.

November 21, 2012 at 6:21 am
(105) Torey says:

The one blessing out of finding this site is that I know I am not alone. My husband hasn’t desired me in years….yet he constantly has to call me “beautiful” or “sexy”. It actually hurts when he does that! He doesn’t realize that i know if he actually believed that I was “beautiful” or “sexy”, he would desire intimacy with me. He would not have replaced me with porn if he really meant those endearments.

We haven’ t had sex in at least three years….before that it was an annual thing. I am not wired to be celibate and have come to hate my life.

I am still here because we have a wonderful son, but I feel so guilty. I really want someone who is more than an roommate in my life. I could be understanding if the problem were physical, but he just simply does not want me. Other than some laughing “grabbing”, there is no real intimacy in our marriage. I want someone who craves intimacy as much as I do.

The truth is, I want a divorce, but I don’t want to hurt our son. I feel like this man controls every aspect of my life…and I want out. It is just that a long time ago, I was in an abusive marriage, and when it ended, I prayed for a man who would never lay a hand on me again in anger…I got that, but I am miserable. He doesn’t hit me, but he is almost constantly angry at the world. I want a spouse I can lavish love on…who would be receptive and enjoy our shared passion. Right now it is merely a guilty dream, but someday, I hope it will become a dream come true.

Thank you for the chance to vent.

November 24, 2012 at 7:44 pm
(106) frustrated1979 says:

Im 33,I have been married for 5 months, my husband had a hernia surgery in june and he says his libido is not as it used to be, i dont buy it! his equipment works perfectly when he wants it to work, we have sex once a month with a lot of pushing from my side…. i stopped pushing about 2 months ago… and no sex, no kiss, no nothing! ever since. No offense im young and attractive and I’ve never had to push for sex before, I find it pathetic to do so and a lack of self respect,no matter what i wear or do, he just wont…. is this ground for divorce or is it too soon, how long should i stay in this sham?? … i got married to be happy and sex is very important. pls advise! thx

November 29, 2012 at 6:38 am
(107) mschocolate says:

my husband only has sex with me twice a month but he will pleasure himself almost everyday dor at lease watch porn, this has been going on for years now and now im ready to leave i hate having sex with him i dont even get anything out of it any more…………

December 1, 2012 at 6:05 pm
(108) Richard says:

This sexless marriage stuff – answers are all really all rehashed answers that have been provided over the years. I tried to be supportive, but my patience is wearing out. I am 49 years old and have a lot of years left, including a wild sex drive. Why should I suffer the rest of my life until I get to the point where I am in some freaking nursing home or something? Life is too damn short. When I talk to her, there is always some excuse but nothing that really makes any sense. There is no trying on her end. My kids are old enough now, I am thinking seriously about departing. I do know that a sexless or lack of sex (2-4 times a year) makes you feel less about your partner. How can you really share with someone with your inner feelings, desires, dreams when you cant even share your body? There is a mental connection that is BROKE when sex doesnt happen. It’s like living with someone, but not a wife.

December 6, 2012 at 10:58 am
(109) George says:

Married 9 years here. Relationship started great. She was a nympho, sex was great. First year before marriage it was at least every day, sometimes multiple times a day. After marriage, dropped to every 2 days. Year later our son was born and since then frequency of sex has steadily dropped. Next 4 to 5 years we were consistently having sex once a month. We are not at 3 months without and climbing. Some of your stories are scaring me.
At 45 I can still go for it every night if i had the opportunity. She is 7 years younger then me and NEVER wants to do anything. Im starting to think she is getting it else where since she does not work and has 6 hours of feedom during the day.

December 9, 2012 at 8:20 pm
(110) Johnny says:

Sexless marriage here. Because she cheated on me; with 40lbs of food per sitting.

Very hard to to be married to someone who you don’t want to see naked.

That’s rough.

December 26, 2012 at 5:48 am
(111) Sharon Crouch says:

We have been married for 16 years, we havn’t had sex for nearly 12 months, but even more concerning for me is the fact we do not communicate at all. Everynight, he goes into the bedroom to watch TV, I stay in the living room, we have discussed it in the past, but it always ends up the same. I love him and care about him, but not like a husband, I wouldn’t want sex with him now. The dilema I have is, I do not have to work, have no money worries, we get on fine, we have a 12 year old boy, who would be devastated, my husband has no clue that I am thinking of leaving him, I do not know what to do for the best …do I stay with him for the wrong reasons, or go and upset everyone ?

December 28, 2012 at 7:44 pm
(112) Lynne says:

Have been married a year and my husband has absolutely no desire for sex or intimacy in any way. He’s the most affectionate person I’ve ever met, always wants to hug and be together but that’s it. We’re both in our mid 30′s and its been this way since we got married. He used to give excuses as to why he wouldn’t or couldn’t have sex but now he just tells me it’s because I talk about it too much. We go months with no sex and I say nothing but somehow that’s me talking about it too much?

The thing is, it’s made my self esteem completely disappear. I won’t even get dressed if there’s a mirror around. I hate how I look. I feel disgusting and unwanted. He knows his lack of interest has me blaming myself and yet he allows me to continue to feel bad about myself. Worst part is he’s always calling me beautiful and saying how lucky he is.

When I ask him to talk about sex, or lack thereof, he explodes and becomes verbally abusive. He tels me I’m stupid, tells me I’m crazy, I need professional help. I just bring it up to cause a fight. No, I bring it up because I just got married to someone i love and am attracted to and he has no desire for me.

I love him, and I know he loves me but what am I supposed to do? Sex isn’t the most important thing, of course but it is important, especially since we’ve just got married.

Can I spend the rest of my life being rejected? I feel like he just wanted a friend, not a wife. I feel like he lied to me about what he wanted this marriage to be.

I’m let, alone, and have no one to talk to. How do you talk to people about ths? Especially as he is so affectionate in front of others.

I don’t want to lose him but he knows how mich this hurts me and refuses to talk or try to change it, so perhaps he secretly hopes ill just leave so he can be free of someone he really never wanted.

December 30, 2012 at 2:42 am
(113) Bob says:

Why even try. I give my wife and child the best life anyone could ask for. I have not shared the same bed with my wife for 10 year, we have been married for 10.5. I was moved out as soon as are son was born. She was married before, husband cheated on her and I was the work buddy who then became sex buddy. You name it we did it sex everyday at work in movies, in the car, in public, anyway anytime. Fast foward too today and I have now had sex 20times in the past six years. As long as she has her cat and her dog she is good to go. I am 45 I plain and simply cannot take it anymore. I am not fowl i am not abusive. I am pissed. I told her today to go get herself a boyfriend maybe she could act like a women again. At this point i am hoping someone else might be as happy as i am with her. 7 more years, son will be grown and i am out. No one needs this torment. No wonder there are so many gay couples. The curse of it all is she she is so damn pretty, we could have it all but we are going to throw it all away. All the lost time lost money. I am ranked 4thjust behind my son the cat and the dog.

January 8, 2013 at 12:39 pm
(114) Flyboy says:

Reading these stories makes me sad. I have been married 52 yrs and the first half of our marriage was a little bumpy but we were basically happy and had sex 1 to 3 times a week. We had five children now aged from 31 to 51. Twenty three yrs ago my wife fell doing the wash, and broke her arm, and this triggered something in her mind that ended sex for us. Along with that she became verbally abusive to me mostly at home but even among friends and family. Of course, I have been extremely unhappy ever since, not only because of the lack of sex but because of the feelings of rejection and the abuse. We have slept in separate rooms since then – 23 yrs. My wife tells everyone it is because I snore, which is true to some extent, but is not the real reason.

I went to a divorce lawyer 16 yrs ago but didn’t follow through because my son was having trouble in HS and I didn’t want to make it harder for him with a broken marriage. Then 11 yrs ago my youngest son also had difficulty and I decided to hang on some more. I have never regretted my sacrifice for my sons who are now fine well adjusted young men.

Six yrs ago I again went to the lawyer. A few days later my secretary told me that my wife scared the H E-double L out of her when she visited my office while I was out. I knew my wife had been verbally abusive to me for many yrs at home, but it was only recently that she had started cursing and throwing things at me and hitting me. My secretary asked me if maybe she was bi-polar.

January 8, 2013 at 12:41 pm
(115) Flyboy says:

(Rest of the story)

Long story short, I was able to get her mental help and the Psychiatrist treated her for bi-polar disorder and said she could recover, but probably would not recover if I divorced her. So, “in sickness and in health” kicked in, and again I failed to divorce her.

She has recovered 4 yrs ago now. I am now 70 and too old to look for a new partner, but I just can’t love her anymore. However, she keeps a clean house and cooks good meals and has stopped the verbal abuse pretty well. So I continue to live unhappily – in the same house with this “Tasmanian Devil”!

The morel of my story is to follow your instincts and if you are in an unsatisfactory marriage and you have tried everything, go ahead and get the divorce – NOW. Otherwise, if you wait, you may get hopelessly trapped by circumstances as I did.

-May God help us all in coping with these problems!

January 17, 2013 at 9:09 pm
(116) john says:

I want to thank Dr Samura the great spell caster once again what would i have done.
my life was almost coming to an end when my lover of 6 yrs left me for another woman.
I was so sad that it started affecting my work. was issued quarry twice just because i was missing work and not concentrating when i even manage to go to work. until this faithful day when i saw some posting by two ladies Felicia and Yvonne testifying about how Dr Samura brought back their lover in less than 24 hrs at first i laugh but something inside of me just said there is no harm in trial so decided to contact him.I told him the problems i was having and he said i should give him 48 hrs.Even after i spoke to him still had doubt until finally when i received a call from a man that i had not talked to for 5 months.I
decided to share this testimony because of other people that might need help like me you can contact him directly on Samuratellerspell100gmail.com or call him on his cell phone+2347030410643

January 18, 2013 at 11:42 am
(117) James says:

First to all my fellow suffers of sexless marriages, my heart goes out to each and every one of you.

I have to beg for sex, most of the time it is refused. On the rare occasions when sex happens she reaches orgasm in 10 minutes and always lays there like a wet rag. She actually told me the other day that she gets bored during sex. Basically she means when her 10 minutes are over she switches off.

I’m a very intimate and physical person where she has developed into a cold non contact self absorbed person.

When we met first sex was amazing. Today it has come to the point that I don’t care if she every has interest again. If she never even talks to me again it would not bother me.

I’m tired of fighting over lack of intimacy. How can someone say they love you but never show it.

I have considered having an affair but thinking about the hassle of dealing with the BS that will come of that when she finds out.

I’m at wits end and the only reason I’m staying is the kids

January 19, 2013 at 9:11 am
(118) Hope says:

I’ve been with my husband for 9 years. We have 2 kids. I have struggled with our sexual relationship from day 1. My question is what do u do when you have raised the issue of sexless marriage numerous times with your husband and after an apology from him, declaration he had no idea what impact it was having on me, an intimate encounter, then it reverts back to the same old pattern. As much ad I love my husband, he is an amazing father and good man, I feel starved and am tired for begging for sex. It’s been 4 months since I cracked the last time and I promised myself I wouldn’t compromised self respect again. Seriously wtf? All I want is a healthy relationship. The number of times I’ve googled sexless marriage in the past 5 years is embarrassing. Is it reasonable to consider divorce? Am I being selfish? I can’t imagine being happy without intimacy. And why should I? The whole issue is disturbing. It’s got to the point I don’t even like him anymore. Then I feel bad about that as he is such a good man. Any advice would be helpful.

January 26, 2013 at 4:45 pm
(119) Jayne says:

Hope – My situation sounds a lot like yours and if I didnt have 2 young children I would not be with him now. Had sex 3 times in 5 years – Gone through the phase of low self esteem and getting to the phase of f*ck you! (pardon the pun) I love this guy and never in a million years ever thought that I would be seriously considering having an affair or divorce. Why the hell cant he get off his backside and do something about it when he knows how important it is to me!! I am getting to the point now when he is near me to hug or peck me on the lips I am flinching as am feeling so resentful. I keep thinking of having a seperation but I feel so selfish to break up the family based on my sexual needs when he is a wonderful father and husband in other ways!

January 26, 2013 at 7:27 pm
(120) Alan says:

Been married 34 years. There has been no sex for 9 years. By that, I mean a complete and total absence of anything resembling sexual activity. No tickling or intimate touching at all. If I kiss her before going to sleep (we sleep in separate rooms) she never kisses on the lips, always makes me kiss her cheek. That is the total physical contact we have. We never hold hands when we are out walking or anything like that. I have now got used to it and am quite happy for this to continue. My wife recently made a comment about our lack of sex saying that she isn’t happy with it. I told her that my hypertension medication prevents me getting an erection and that she would have to live with it. She is definitely not happy but I am now conditioned to the situation and am not bothered about changing it. She should have thought about it a few years ago when my requests for sex were always refused.

January 29, 2013 at 10:12 am
(121) bubbles says:

Wow!!! these stories are touching. I am currently 44 and my Husband 61 and I married for all the wrong reasons. I have tried everything to interest him and it has been 10 years for me. I am a good looking women but lately he just hugs and kisses me. He will not seek help as he does have an erection problem and I am tired of trying to get him to see a doctor. In 16 years of marriage he never gone to a doctor. I want a divorce but I cannot right now as I have my father living with us who is 84 and I cannot move him now and money is so tight for us.
I found someone who is keeping me happy right now but I am miserable going home as my husband is so miserable most of the time. My friend brings me happiness and my job….

January 31, 2013 at 9:52 pm
(122) ClownPuncher says:

Starting around 8 years ago (after about 16 years of marriage and three great kids), sex dropped to maybe 3-4 times per year. I handled that, didn’t complain. Then, five years ago, I was told that if I wanted sex I should look into a prostitute (“but wear a condon”)….this coming from someone I’d known for 28 years!! And she’s educated and completely normal, good upbringing etc etc…….how does a woman come to say this to her husband? And I made sure she reached multiple orgasms every single time before dipping my stick and getting my thing done. These were accompanied by backrubs, leg rubs, etc, gentleness, kindness……it’s not like I was an ogre. After that, we managed one last time…..six months after the “find a prostitute” bit…..and that was it.

That was five years ago. Nothing since. I have brought it up and have been told I’m not physically her type…..I’m 25-30 pounds overweight, I suppose, but I’m just not built to be thin. I cycle and workout often. I deadlift 400 pounds, I bench 250, etc etc…….I love being active, I’m just not skinny. “It’s like I’m Carrie and you’re Doug” (King of Queens)………”I see those wives on the Biggest Loser who seem okay and loving of their obese husbands, but I’m just not like that.” These rae comments that have been returned to me the few times I’ve brought it up. I once said, “Ya know what, I’m tired of this shit, I don’t get it, this is a nightmare for me!” and the response was not about me and what I was exepriencing, but raher “What am I supposed to do, go live with my mom?!”

February 1, 2013 at 8:53 am
(123) Jessica says:

I have been married for just about 2 years, together for 6 and we have a 16 month old baby. The last time we had sex was 8 months ago and one year before that. Wow. When we first started dating we had sex about four times per week. Then it was a few times per week, then a few times per month, then every few months and now this. In the last year, my husband has initiated in the middle of the night when I am dead asleep–there is no foreplay–and I am so tired it is hard for me to want to then. I want to be wanted and desired. And I would like to be awake! And believe me, its not like he is trying every night–its like once every few months at 2 am. If I try to intiate when we are awake, he rejects me always. If I bring it up, he blames me and says I am “giving him shit” and turns the whole thing around on me, as if I am a fight starter. I know he looks at porn a lot but I do not think he has cheated. I just wanted to feel desired. I am 34 this March and I am attractive and thin–I have suggested to him we make a “date” to have sex once a week. He will either reject that suggestion or agree and then never do it. Its miserable. I know a lot of this has to do with the fact that we have a lot of stress in our lives, financially and with the baby, etc and we argue a lot. But I have felt rejected sexually for so long, its like because I disagree with him about certain things, he withholds sex. Sex should be in a marriage whether you are having tough times or not–otherwise what is the point? I love sex and I want to be with someone who cares just as much about what pleases me as what pleases him. Im tired of this passive agressive nastiness. Life is too short–the worst part is how I feel like we can’t even talk about it. Im lonely, sad, and I feel like my life is wasting away because of this.

February 9, 2013 at 4:41 am
(124) Mike says:

I can realte to so many of these stories. My wife and I have been together for just over 20 years, and whenever I can acutially get her in the mood for sex, it is like somekind of chore to her, like a reward she is giving me. I have always triied to listen to her, what she wants, what she needs, and always tried ot fulfil her fantasies, and desires. I have always tried to experiment with the different ideas, and fetishes she gets, but it all seems in vane. She gets what she need when she needs it and then the train derails until she needs it again. Don’t get me wrong, once or twice a month is nice, but I am not 90 years old, and owuld like it much more, and atleast once in a whle on my whim. I would like sex everyday, and i accept that she only wants its every full moon, but a comprimise would be nice. I always try to meet her needs first, then mine, in hopes that maybe it will happen again sooner, but that hasn’t worked out yet. She isn now smoking,and that is making it much harder to be intiamte with an ashtry. I am feeling I have one of two optins.. Divorve or an affair strictly for sex. I do love my wife, with all my heart, but I cannot live like lthis. I work 5-6 days per week, cook dinner everyday for my kids, do the dishes, clean.. all becasue she workds steady afternoons, and i work mignights, but I cannot be a meal ticket, cook, and maid forever.. I want the intimate side of marriage.. I miss the wife I married..

February 13, 2013 at 7:45 pm
(125) Mike says:

Well it has been a yr since we had sex last, before then we would go about 7 to 8 months at a time with nothing. We have been married for 12 years and before we got married sex was great, she was unhibited and was pleasing in many ways. This is our second marriage for each of us, but now we don’t even say love you anymore, no hugs, no kissing, nothing. About 5 years ago she staretedca 3 yr affair , I caught her, said she stopped but didn’t, then I caught her again, then in the midst of all this I find out she had a 3rd affair, so should have left but have a 7 yr old I adore, and just can’t leave, guess I know where all my good sex went right??!! Sexless marriage sucks because for a man we need that to feel close to a woman and feel loved, at this point if we divorce I am done with relationships, common denominator must be me, been living by the hand for awhile, guess I can continue

February 14, 2013 at 1:23 am
(126) Shawn says:

I am living in a sexless marriage for the entire four years we have been married. Now it is getting worse. I told her I find it degrading and unnatural for the husband to beg his wife for sex and I wouldn’t be doing it anymore. That was six months ago. We will have sex approximately once every year and rarely intercourse since our children have been born. Here is the ironic part, I take good care of myself, tall, full head of hair, and her colleagues will be the first to comment on how handsome her husband is. She plays along and say’s yes he is and he’s all mine. Little does anyone know she wants nothing to do with me but becomes insanely jealous if another woman looks at me. The other day we went shopping and she made a scene because I was talking to a sales girl about a jacket. Now it’s Valentine’s Day and it feels hypocritical to celebrate it to me.

February 16, 2013 at 1:35 pm
(127) Oliver says:

Really comforting to see that there are even women with this issue. It totally sucks. I married my wife for love, but the sex was always crap. Once a month, after lots of hints and drinks, she’ll finally give in. She’ll give instructions in the middle of it, sigh and get frustrated, and get annoyed if it feels like I’m deviating from her plan, then blame me for not being rock hard after she’s through putting me down. Hell, she doesn’t even look like she enjoys it, until near the end. She will not experiment, or spice things up at all. No oral (for either of us), no lingerie, no role play, no dirty talk, no toys, no new positions, nothing. Tried to schedule sex. Didn’t work. Tried giving her massages all the time to help her relax (not expecting sex, just to show I care); didn’t help, but now that’s become expected, though not appreciated, and certainly never reciprocated. Tried to create a mood; candles, incense, music; nada, (p@rn and baby oil didn’t work either BTW), or even drawing her a bath. What do I get for my efforts: She threatens to withhold sex for ‘treating her bad’ (e.g. I didn’t want to go shopping the 3rd straight weekend in a row). So I thought maybe I’m just too nice, maybe being more firm would be better (wow did that ever backfire). I know what good sexual chemistry is like, I’ve had it with all but a few women I’ve dated. I know what it is to be wanted, and to be frank I’m pretty good in the sack. Plus I’m attractive, and probably one of the nicest guys you’ll meet, I don’t deserve this.

February 17, 2013 at 9:42 pm
(128) ClownPuncher says:

It is so painnful to read many of these tales of sexlessness. It’s also sad that I have to keep googling this for the ‘misery loves company’ effect. After five years of no sex, tha last month or so have just become complete hell for me. I think my mind is starting to crack, or the depression has gone from ‘situational’ to downright clinical. I often feel like I’m having a heart attack, but it’s just anxiety/panic attacks (so far). I wish I was strong enough to just walk away — calmly say my peace — and start moving forward. But I’m afraid of hurting her. Sh’es been the center of my world from age 19 to 51. I TRY to tell myself, ‘Hey man, look what she is doing to YOU and she was also there for those 32 years! So why do YOU feel like shit?’ I feel that somehow she must be right, I must be unworthy of affection and physical love?? Maybe I deserve this?? Holy crap, the mind goes absolutely nuts in a crisis like this. I could never do it (I love my kids way too much and do enjoy many aspects of life), but the very real pain (mental, emotional, physical) I go through EVERY DAY now often has me thinking. ‘I now udnerstand how people get to the point of suicide’. I’m praying a lot for help and guidance and strength these days. I don’t want to be the bad guy and I don’t want my kids to hate me for hurting their mom (she’s a GREAT mother)………I guess I need to get to a place where I really can feel like MY LIFE has some value. This is hard to take. Venting over.

February 25, 2013 at 3:29 am
(129) Pikachu says:

I am a woman and I have been in this sexless relationship for almost 5 years. I met him 5 years ago, I just moved to a new city and living with my brotherís family. Desperately wanted to move out; he agreed to move in with me. At first; I thought he was nerves and could not perform. So, I tell myself to give him some time. Well, 5 years past; he has tried about 5 times. Finally; I leaned what was his problem, he is 50 years old but never had a real life girlfriend. All of his so call ex-girlfriends are on-line woman. What did I get myself into? I had a few ex and they are all pretty good in sex or at least desire me. This guy does not desire me; that makes me feels so sad. We are not married but we bought a house together. Why? Because I thought things will changed. I must be the stupidest woman alive because I thought I can change a man. LOL @ myself !!

February 26, 2013 at 12:57 pm
(130) N says:

I’m 39. I was with my partner for almost six years. Sex was never fantastic to begin with, in fact, we waited 3 months in the beginning of the relationship before consummating it. I thought passion and sex would get better as long as there was love and commitment.

5 years later, no kids, and we’re having sex only a couple times a month. He wanted kids but I decided against it. I love him so much but worried that our sex life would only get worse.

We’re both to blame I would say. I know I miss things that he never gave me. Like kisses. He stopped kissing me on the mouth. And his hygiene was poor. He never flossed. He had fungus on his feet. All these things I use to tell him and he ignored me. I got fed up and disgusted.

He still wanted sex, I think.

We broke up now and have been living apart for the past few months and I’m miserable. I love him, but think that it could only get worse if we had a baby.

But I agonise because I thought that passion and sex was always something that you had to work on if you were in a relationship. And I tried. I watched porn with him, outfits, bjs in bathrooms, toys.. all I wanted him was to kiss me, floss his teeth and get his feet sorted. Maybe learn to touch me in a different way after I’ve told him for the 100th time that my clitoris is not the only erogenous zone.

I’m confused, really. Is sexually incompatibility real enough to wreck an otherwise satisfying and relationship?

I’s appreciate any advice from experienced posters in long term relationships.

February 28, 2013 at 7:14 pm
(131) ann says:

2 years married had sex 3 times! I dont know .. he ignored me no explanation why!

March 3, 2013 at 10:20 am
(132) Steve says:

My name is Steve, I’m 19 and married with a little one. When we first met she loved sex. I loved it too but it died verry quickly… She started to work more even though I had a job that would pay all the bills. Than shortly she picked up another job. She is never home and when she is it’s 3 in the morning leaving me with my son all the time.she goes out with friends all the time and when I try to makes some time she makes something up and leaves. It’s been about 4 months now with no sex, she doesn’t even look at me anymore and when I try to get some lovin she says no! And rolls over I’ve tryed everything to get her to flowers candels house is spotless dinner back rubs but still nutn! I feel so alone and depressed and lost. I don’t know if she’s getting it somewhere els or what! I just want my wife back….

March 3, 2013 at 4:44 pm
(133) Robert says:

At the beginning, we were like bunnies. I never expected the relationship to go anywhere as we were both in college. I found out she had cheated on me twice early in the relationship. After finding out she cheated, it cemented the fact that I would never marry her. I broke up with her when I finished college. But she refused to let the relationship end. Against my better judgement I ended up moving in with her. Big mistake. I found out how lazy she is. I did all the housework, paid all the bills,Paid for vacations, bought her a car, on and on. She was so messy, you could not see the bedroom floor because of her dirty clothes everywhere. The bathroom was even worse. She would leave her half eaten food on her plate on the kitchen table after EVERY SINGLE MEAL. It was like looking after a spoiled lazy teenager. The only time she got dolled up was when it was girls night out. Then she would dress like a fox, makeup, sexy clothes, etc. But for me? Old sweat pants, bad breath, hairy armpits and hairy nipples. We fought all the time. I had no respect for her. I had no desire for her. Zip. She complained about the lack of sex and I would try to bring up the bad housekeeping issue, lack of hygiene on her part and she’d flip out and call me an insensitive d!ck and that housekeeping and her appearance had nothing to do with love. I am sorry that I wasted nearly four years of my life with her. I hope the best for her but really, good riddance!

March 4, 2013 at 3:29 pm
(134) Sann says:

A Sexless marriage is just the tip of the iceberg, this is me talking to myself….
Does he love life, have any joy, wants or desires that he shares you, No.
…have a social life other than you, No.
…have a passionat bone in his body about anythingm Yes, His Mother, his boat and his dog, other than that, No.
Well, maybe the the ChineseTakeOut order was missing the duk-sauce, he went balistic.
….have or show appropriate emotional responses at emtional necessary time, No.
Is he animated or expressive when he talks, No.
Did he reach out to you when you did a ‘lap dance’ for him, No.
….ever reach out to you ever, sometimes, Hello or Goodbye.
…..sleep with you, No,. Cuddle with you, No.
Share a dessert with you, No.
….ever approach you for any intimacy ever, No.
Take you out on a date, No. Tell you you look nice, Yes.
….Fix your car, give you money, wash clothes, buy groceries, pay the bills..pay your credit card, health insurance… . YUP …. HELLOOOO….
so whats the problem? 14 years married, 7 sexless, 7 INITIATED BY ME.. All that he does do for me will NEVER replace the simple human need of physical love. And then to add insult to injury and feelings of being unlovable, not attractive, whatever, THE DENIAL IS MAMMOTH!!! Just tell the neglected unloved, unwanted spouse YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE, SORRY!!! and let them go. So they can move on to full fill their lives and stop waiting for YOU!!! I didn’t make you A-SEXUAL…you were born that way, you needed to tell me that DAY ONE or whatever the problem is and you’re out of time.. syo-fn-nara!!

March 6, 2013 at 11:21 am
(135) angela says:

I’ve been w/my 31y.o. boyfriend. For 4years we use to have sex a few times aweek now its been over a year.I get hit on all the time so I no I’m not ugly.the only guy I want does not want me.he say he’s not cheating but wtf I need it and tell him he just say maybe this weekend.I’m. Thinking of leaving him.I thought young men luv sex he told me when we met that if he does not have sex he’ll cheat.what am I to do help please

March 7, 2013 at 11:48 pm
(136) Chris says:

I’ve been married for 7 years right after highschool, sex has always been a issue in my marriage.. It has caused me to be unfaithful and even leave my wife almost to a divorce but I always run back to her thinking things are gonna get better… At times I feel like things are going to change but then 2 weeks pass by then a month, brings me down and also makes me insecure… I already feel bad for cheating in the past but that’s the only way I feel wanted and appreciated at times… Is it time to just walk away and finally go ahead with the divorce?

March 9, 2013 at 12:18 am
(137) Israel says:

The reason why woman dont want to have sex after marriage is because after sometime they fall out of love.The only thing they get connected to is their kids. It feels like that is all she wanted and had in her mind. Or may be the way she got treated by her husband constantly and eventually they fall out of love means she is no longer in love. The other disturbing part is that most of the time they have already masturbated when the husband was out so when husband wants it she is tired. For them it feels so much effort it’s line a lot of work to have sex. So the main reason is that they are no longer in love with their partner. Only God can help in this situation.

March 10, 2013 at 7:37 pm
(138) jen says:

I am 37 married 18 years. Always had the higher libido. He isn’t very affectionate either. It’s been almost a year now since we had sex. We have 4kids and I really love him. Went to the Dr last week and got cialis because he is on lots of pain meds and antidepressants. But he still hasn’t tried it yet. He has all the power. I feel so unwanted.

March 15, 2013 at 5:07 am
(139) kristy says:

Are you f* serious? I am so surprised at how long and how much people are on here. I am 31 been with my now husband for 9 years, married 1. Have 2 young kids and had lots of intimacy in the beginning. Then after about 3 years it slowed down.

March 15, 2013 at 5:08 am
(140) kristy says:

It has gotten to the point where I am like other people saying f* you because I’m resentful. Tired of getting rejected, tired of doing everything (literally everything, I give h* for fun and he doesn’t do it to me unless I tell him to like for years…for him I not only do it for sex but for pleasure because I like to and he I thought appreciates it. I’m done with that sh*t) I will give h#, just for it to stand up, do my thing, and he will not finish most times, will finish other times. But it’s positioned where the intimacy is like non existent (mans best friend type shiz). I feel like many rejected and ashamed, I’m over crying and fighting and even bringing it up.

He gets mad when I talk about stuff but is up for counseling. I went to counseling for our relationship issues (not sex) and it helped but I don’t want to speak to them about my inner thoughts. Now it’s gotten to where I feel like I’m cheating on him because I resort to fantasizing about different times of my life just to remember what the excitement used to feel like, truthfully I make new fantasies about old situations.

We have had the same fight for years. I love him but I am resenting him more and more. Not having fun, not laughing. I don’t want to be intimate with anyone but I am thinking about divorce because I don’t think I need a companion. I’ve been in a relationship since right after high school. I think if I need to divorce him, just having friends with benefits would sound like the way to go. I don’t think I could handle getting disappointed after years of relationships to then be faced with loss of interest again. How the kids will be affected too I don’t know what to do because I am too sexual to be put on the backburner and porn gets old and I like a body not just using my own limbs for

March 18, 2013 at 6:29 am
(141) Donna says:

I am a 52 year old woman. Married for 30 years. 28 of those years have been without sex! While dating, it was everyday. After marrying him it went downhill. Like no sex for 2 years, then he would perform (for himself), then nothing for a couple more years, etc. It was broken up over the years i.e. once in 2010 and it’s always one sided, HIS! Nothing since then. It is now 2013. His friends tell me I’m beautiful, our male neighbors do whatever they can to hug me. I’m clean and take care of myself. I have never experienced this until I met him. His 26 year old son from his first marriage came here for a couple months with the agenda. We haven’t heard from him since he was 13, even then he had an agenda, like lying to my husband about me, stealing our financial information, etc. Now at 26 he tried again, this time ORDERING me to change our Wills so that he gets everything. Not happening! He lied to my husband, got us fighting everyday over the lies he told my husband. His son actually cornered me in our bedroom and told me “you are stepping on my toes and you need to go”. Well, during that time he was here my husband was all over me, sex every night and he he was being overly dramatic. I believe it was for his son’s benefit because when his son saw that I wasn’t going anywhere, he left and so did the sex again. I now find myself wiping his peck on my lips off when he goes to work. I tuck the blankets under me so that he can’t touch me. I find myself looking at other men and wondering what they would be like. My physicians have taken me out of work in 2005 after discussing it with my husband due to a health issue. I feel stuck, like I’ve been dropped into the ocean with nothing to keep me from drowning and he just turned his back on me and walked away.

April 3, 2013 at 12:11 am
(142) James says:

I am not married but have been with the same girl for 4 years now. We have a (almost) 3 year old boy together. I am 23 years old and she is 22. When we first met we were having sex up to 5 times a day. It was constant. She became pregnant early into our relationship. From the moment she found out she was pregnant until now, which has been over 3 years ago we have probably had sex 20 times at most. I realize becoming pregnant can be a big shock to a girl and it probably did have a huge effect on her sex drive but for the past 3 1/2 years I have been constantly rejected and made to feel beyond unwanted. I have talked to her about this and sometimes she makes me feel like a freak for wanting sex and other times she acts like she will do better which will result in sex one time and then right back to normal. She NEVER initiates anything and is ALWAYS “tired” anytime I want to. I would say last year we had sex maybe 8 times. I am in the best shape of my life and have a very high sex drive but have been rejected so much and made to feel like a piece of shit so much about my sex drive that it’s become almost unbearable. I have never cheated on her, work full time to support her and my son and am a great father who spends all of my off time at home with my son or her. She doesn’t have to work but does go to college. Just needed to vent to other people for once. thank you.

April 29, 2013 at 8:38 am
(143) Sexless Marriage King says:

I live a very permenant sexless marriage. Re no intercourse the rest of our lives. We took info from David Xzenre’s books on amazon and our life changed. We had surfed the entire web it seemed. Till we found something that works !

May 11, 2013 at 3:07 am
(144) Kraig says:

I understand how most of you feel. Sex is history in my life too and I mean totally. My wife doesn’t like me yet she will lay on our bed in her panties and ask me to rub her legs and put lotion on her, which I gladly do for hours but I get to look but can’t touch. She tells me she is getting a divorce sometimes several times a day. I don’t know even why but anything I say that she differs on she says see why I am getting a divorce. I have never cheated on her and we didn’t have sex till after marriage. I work hard and make almost a quarter million a year. She finds me repulsive. She is a very heavy woman but I never put her down. I brag on her beauty and she says that isn’t important to her. I love her but she doesn’t want me. I am sick of hurting so bad. I am a Christian and she is a Reverend and even performs marriages but me she can’t stand. I use to foreplay with her till she would cum then she would rollover and go to sleep. I don’t even get a kiss now. Marriage sucks. I appreciate all of you sharing.

May 13, 2013 at 7:26 pm
(145) Kelly says:

I have been living in a sexless relationship for 7 years. It’s been this way from the beginning. I always thought it would get better and we started a family together. Now we have three children and he is a great father. I don’t want to deprive my children of that. Now I don’t even desire him because of feeling rejected for so many years. When we do have sex, I don’t get to climax cause it happens so quickly. I feel so dissatisfied but I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to cheat either- I just wish it could be better

May 25, 2013 at 6:43 pm
(146) Ling says:

It’s comforting to know I m not alone in this But it’s so, so sad. It hurts, terribly! What can I do? I still love him But divorce is in my thoughts many times lately, last thing I want though. Will struggle on for a little longer. It seems so hopeless, no one has successfully turn around.

May 31, 2013 at 1:53 pm
(147) peso says:

It’s been a year and a half since my wife had our child. We havn’t had sex since conception! And I just turned 25, shes 24. I have the sex drive of a 15 year old, I need it like every day. She, however, has NO drive. No explanation, no caring, no intimacy, no nothing. I can’t take it, I’m on the brink of cheating on her.
The cool thing is that she is kinda dropping little hints that i should just go get laid when I ask her for it… But then turns around and says she’ll leave me if I do lol. Screw it, I think I’m just gonna go get some because I can’t take it anymore!

P.S, I want my child to grow up with HIS father, so I don’t think I’m going to divorce. What can a little intimacy hurt outside of marriage?

June 5, 2013 at 1:15 pm
(148) nar says:

Is seems that we have only three options, divorce, celibacy, and cheating. To those that are not married please DO NOT get married. Things will not get better, even if your think you love your SO a lot, thing will get worst and some day in the future you will wake up and you will hate your SO and your life. I affects you emotionally, physically, and professionally. To those that do not have children, please DO NOT have children, it makes separation more difficult. After 10 years I am done with celibacy, I am considering divorce and cheating. First cheating since divorce is complicated because of the kids.

June 5, 2013 at 10:01 pm
(149) jk says:

I can’t believe there’s so many of you who has the same problem like me..im sick and tired.i can’t leave.maybe I will just wait my daughter will grow up and it’s time to leave.im not happy anymore..I really wish for the better.! i really regret getting married.to everyone who is single now.yeah it’s better you don’t get married.marriage really sucks!! it’s only good in the begining but it ends in nightmares.

June 14, 2013 at 7:25 pm
(150) guilty&lonely says:

I too was in this situation. Wife lost interest. Tried to talk about it, but always the same story, ‘oh, well that’s just the problem we have’. ‘Please don’t mention it to anyone’. ‘Why should I change just because you have needs?’ So I never asked for help, just getting more and more resigned to a low-sex marriage, for over 15 years. Once every 2-3 months when I was ready 2-3 times per week. Finally confronted her with the kind of ‘evidence’ on these forums, and persuaded her to get counselling. She tried, but I’d lost interest and couldn’t perform any more. Eventually I left, found someone else, and now I just feel guilty, guilty, guilty, for betraying her, for abandoning her, for putting my interests above hers. Is there no way out of this unfolding hell?

July 23, 2013 at 12:50 pm
(151) John says:

My wife and I haven’t had sex in over a year and a half. I do have a high sex drive, but I simply do not desire my wife anymore. We argue a lot. Whether that is the reason we don’t have sex, or just a symptom of a sexless marriage I don’t really know. I am not attracted to her the way I once was. I know that its normal for passion to fizzle, but I have zero desire to have sex with her. I am going to get a lot of backlash for saying this, but a lot of the reason is that she has put on a lot of weight over the past 5 years (60 lbs+). She’s complained about it for years and doing nothing about it annoys and exhausts me. I don’t really mind a little extra weight so long as her attitude and confidence didn’t change. I never want to her hurt her so dont say anything about how I feel. I know our lack of intimacy does concern her. She’s brought up the fact “we should have sex. Don’t you think?”. While I agree that we should, “Should” doesn’t help get the juices going. What can I do? Take one for the team? I worry that I will be able to perform because Im not arroused by her. How can you force yourself to be attracted to someone? Love is more that skin deep, but make no mistake: physical attraction is important. I don’t have some ridiculously high standard nor do I want “perfection”. I just want a fun, happy and sexually confident woman. Her combative, lazy, negative personality never puts me in the mood. Deep down I feel like if she got back in shape, made some effort and started feeling sexy I would be interested in her that way. As it stands, I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. I have never cheated, and nor would I. I love our son and would never want to hurt him. But I do crave sex a lot and I look at and think about other women all the time. Not sure where to go from here except to stay the course and live without sex.

July 23, 2013 at 3:04 pm
(152) Cathy Meyer says:

John, you won’t get backlash from me. It is unreasonable for a spouse to expect to remain sexually desirable if they gain weight, become combative and lack the motivation to do something to help themselves. Sixty pounds is a lot of weight. You are right, love isn’t only about how someone looks but, looks and attitude play a huge role in how someone looks. Your lack of desire is understandable to me.

Maybe she needs a little push, someone who can help her get up and get motivated to get back into shape. Instead of being annoyed and exhausted give her an example to follow, a lead to take?

Get a family membership at your local YMCA or fitness club. Plan a regular schedule where you both go work out. See if you doing something will spur her into doing something.

If she doesn’t, then have that talk with her. Tell her you love her but her weight gain and attitude change are not attractive to you. If that doesn’t promote change in her, it may not be possible for her to do what she needs to do for herself and you.

July 23, 2013 at 4:22 pm
(153) John says:

Thanks Cathy.We’ve been through sexless streaks for most of our relationship. As I described above,it’s due to a loss of physical attraction as well as constant bickering/dissagreements. In the past I brought up this fact and suggested “we both need to get in shape and get more energy and spark our sex life”. So we joined a local rec center and I started going a few times a week. I think she went twice before finding excuses not to go. I started feeling and looking better, but I also began to resent her for not making the same effort. I would ask her to meet me after work, but she was always too tired or too busy. She continued to be down on herself about her weight. I never said a word, though my blood was boiling inside. Resentment grew to a point where I just started doing my own thing and worrying about myself.

In the meantime we continue to argue on nearly a daily basis. We rarely hug and hardly ever kiss. I cant remember the last really hot kiss we shared. I have no desire to see her naked anymore. I feel bad, but when she’s undressing I have to look away. This is a horrible feeling. I just cant flat out say “I dont feel attracted to you”. But the more subtle approach (“lets both get in shape”) doesnt seem to have any effect either. Im just a withdrawn, complacent, resentful, chronically masturbating husband who wishes to find passion again.

July 30, 2013 at 10:58 pm
(154) Jay says:

I’ve been with my partner for 3 years we moved I together 9 months ago and have had sex only 3 times . We are due to get married next year . I have tried to talk to him about it but he just says he’s stressed with the business but things will get better and fall back into place. He’s stopped shaving , he doesn’t make an effort to dress nice And is getting lazy about the house. We have two kids between us not that that should make a difference . I’m starting to wonder if we should even get married . I have rented my house so can move back home . Any advice. ???? X

July 31, 2013 at 12:17 am
(155) chloeezmum says:

11 years of a sexless marriage, I do not want to come up to 12 years in Sept. Husband says, “I have no money for a divorce” In my mind that says he does not want to stay married. I have fallen in love with someone else, nothing done to this day. But my emotions have gone from my husband to someone else because of my loneliness.. what do I do???

July 31, 2013 at 1:52 pm
(156) Cathy Meyer says:

@Jay, think long and hard before marrying him. A drastic change in behavior after you moved in together should be a huge red flag. You may be experiencing what you will live with should you marry him.

August 4, 2013 at 11:19 am
(157) I should've known. says:

My marriage of nearly 26 years is coming to a close…soon.
My wife and I had whirlwind romance and our sex-life, prior to marriage, was wonderful.
Incredibly, her sex-drive did a 180 degree turn on the first night of our honeymoon. For whatever reason (I can’t recall her asinine excuses0 she wasn’t wanting sex on our honeymoon and stated that not having sex shouldn’t be an issue. Thus, I was an a$$hole for thinking otherwise.
Ironically, she was a very fertile woman and we were able to have four kids even with a very limited sex-life.
I’ve endured a lifeless-life for all these years so that my children could grow-up in a two parent home. Now that the children are grown and on their own, I have no plans on “working things out”, as she likes to say. She now wants to “change”…amazingly, she actually thinks I’ll fall for that bait.
As much as a love my children, I despise their mother. Literally.
Using sex as a tool is sadistic. There are plenty of mentally/emotionally healthy women out there who want to get out of the house and do things, and don’t have sadistic sexual tendencies ta’boot….hope to find one, soon.

August 6, 2013 at 7:23 am
(158) Gina says:

I have suffered for too long in a relationship that should never have turned into marriage and regretted it only a few months after we wed. We are now separated and I am divorcing him on the grounds he has neglected me sexually. I spent hours staring at my imperfections in the mirror, trying to work out why he found me so repulsive enough to refuse me night after night. I’m in my thirties, size 10, nice looking and it was only when I noticed another men checking me out that the penny finally dropped. I was affair material. Just another mans gaze was enough to suddenly make me feel alive again. It was like a firework going off! I had been patient, I had convinced myself sex was overrated and as long as he loved me, that was all that mattered. The love I had for him died because he would not keep it alive. He made me feel dirty and obsessive and allowed me to cry myself into depressive oblivion. He told me I was to blame for nagging him.

August 6, 2013 at 7:28 am
(159) Gina says:

I grew jealous watching other couples, smootch and even sex scenes on the TV made me feel like attacking the screen! I drank heavily to block out the pain. I finally left him to save my sanity and health. I was a shell of a woman with big sad eyes and I felt sorry for myself and pathetic. We have no children and therefore no reason for me to stay in this sorry state. Since leaving him I have never looked back and am starting to get my confidence back again. The pain and mental torture I went through was unbelievable. He promised to change and even after I left him he said he realised the damage he’d caused. But it was all too late and the trust and love I had for him had been long ripped up. Sex was not instinctively part of his make up and I don’t believe you can change that. He would have been pretending and acting. I don’t want to force my body on someone who doesn’t want me 100%. I live in hope that one day I will meet someone who appreciates ALL of me. In the meantime I will stock up my bottom drawer with saucy underwear for the magical time I can soon feel like a full woman again.

August 11, 2013 at 4:25 am
(160) Chris says:

I have felt relief reading the comments left on this site.

My husband and I were together 10 years ago and the sex was great. We split up and he won me back 4 years ago and we got married 6 months after. Sex wasn’t fantastic to start with because he was overweight and had the beginning stages of diabetes but he was enthusiastic which was the main thing. For the first 6 months he seemed to enjoy sex. After 6 months it all seem to stop, he told me that he wasn’t interested in sex. He got tested at the doctors and his testosterone levels were very low. We tried injections for a while but he didn’t want them.
We now sleep in different rooms and it has been 10 months since we have had sex and that was after a 12 month absence. The sex was not good at all, he was very lazy about it.
I decided that I either have to leave him or have an affair because even though I am 46 and have gone through menopause I am still in need of sexual pleasure.
I love my husband he is a good man. We have enough in common to make a good team. All except the sex.
A month ago I decided to go online. I met a man and we chatted for a few weeks then met for coffee. Sparks flew. We have organised a meeting and are about to embark on my first affair. He is in the same position as I am.

Since meeting this man, my self confidence has come back and I feel alive again because I know he wants me
My relationship with my husband has also improved because I am happily cooking and cleaning and fussing over him. I am not looking sad because I have something to look forward to.

I know he would be hurt if he ever found out about having an affair, I don’t ever want him to know.

I have been hurting badly due to the lack of intimacy and sex in our relationship. We have fought bitterly about it and have almost ended the marriage a couple of times. That is about the only thing in our marriage we ever argue about. Take it out of the marriage and all is fine.

August 23, 2013 at 10:51 am
(161) Lukedc says:

It all went pear shaped when my partner had our son 5 years ago. Before he was born there was no issues at all with out sex life. After he was born she had a small operation to remove some potentially abnormal cells from the cervix.
That was the excuse she used for the first 12 months. “I’m still getting over the surgery”
Mind you I was a 32 year old male who was in absolute peak physical condition… I’m now about to turn 37 and I haven’t had sex for 5 years. We have just returned from an OS holiday where I had my first intimate contact with my partner. Not sex mind you, just oral… And only because she was drunk.
I have put on weight as I just am so horribly depressed with the lack of sex. I honestly don’t know what to do. She thinks it’s normal and her answer is to go and “sort yourself out”
I truly feel for all of you that are in my position. I don’t know what words of consolation I can offer. If it wasn’t for my son I would be gone. I cannot tell you all in any other way. If you have no children leave while you have a chance.

August 23, 2013 at 2:39 pm
(162) nar says:

@Lukedc The problem is that most sexless women stop having sex after getting married, after having a child and/or after feeling that the SO will not leave, cannot leave or leaving is very expensive (emotionally and/or economically). I think that they know that they do not like or do not want sex but they want the benefits of a family; kids, money, companionship, etc. They just need to bait and switch. I consider this dishonest and cruel.

August 23, 2013 at 2:56 pm
(163) nar says:

I have been following blogs related to sexless marriages for a while. What I have seen is that most people in sexless marriages are family oriented, good providers, they have a high sense of responsibility, specially with kids, and they love their wives. I am sure that these women are looking this profile. I am one of them, she told me that she do not like sex the first day of our honeymoon. I should have run immediately but I could not, I was in shock and I loved her.

August 28, 2013 at 12:01 am
(164) Jess says:

My story is so similar and yet a little different than a lot of the others on here. For one, my husband and I have been married for less than 3 years. We’re still basically newlyweds! We have been together for almost 5 years. For the first year or so we had sex ALL the time! I mean like several times a day. Then shortly before we got married, it all changed. Now we have had sex maybe 5 times in the past year. They were all times that I initiated because I was desperate for some affection. But now I’ve realized that I deserve more than just the few minutes of “scraps” he throws my way every once in awhile to shut me up.

On the rare occasion we would have sex, afterwards, I would literally cry myself to sleep because I knew it was the only bit of affection I would get from from for who knows how long. I’m tired of feeling sad and unwanted. I will never stray from our marriage because my vows are important to me.

Well, this morning I had a talk with him and told him that I would rather we go 100% without sex and never do it again than do this once in awhile thing. He actually got mad at me!!! He stormed off and wouldn’t talk to me the rest of the day and then when he got home, he acted as though nothing had happened. Now I’m scared to even bring it up again.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I think he may be having sex with someone else although he says that he isn’t. And I think that he may be addicted to porn but he deletes everything before I get the chance to find out. I just give up. I sleep on the couch every night now because if he wants to treat me like I’m only his roommate, then why should I sleep in the same bed with him. I don’t see it ever getting any better!

September 1, 2013 at 1:46 pm
(165) Wmn fed up says:

engaged for 1 yr + been married 6 months sex was great at first ..few times a day, Then he got a “back injury”and the sex stopped completely. He never wanted to talk about it and was very negative about everything including the marraige and i still went thru with it. Why? Don’t know! Guess I thought what everyone else thinks ..he will change! 4 months before the wedding without sex and to my surprise there was sex on our wedding night. We’ve been married for 6 months but after that there has been none. I used to ask all the time ,cry and be miserable, cry and wonder what was wrong with me.now I just go with the flow and live our daily life with no questions asked. He tells me he loves me 10+ times a day,kisses me holds my hand.. I am very attractive at 35 slim body,curves and I get dozens of complements daily.. I cook I clean I work I shower daily..lol it’s just crazy to know how many men would want to be in his shoes and he ignores my needs daily. Im to the point where I have thought about cheating..just once to feel the passion again. God am I wrong!?

September 2, 2013 at 2:49 pm
(166) Cathy Meyer says:

@Wmn, yes you are wrong, cheating is not the solution to any marital problem. You either need to accept that your marriage is sexless or get a divorce and move on.

I know it sounds cliche but, two wrongs really don’t make a right. He has wronged you, that doesn’t give you a license to wrong him. Hang onto your integrity and, take it from someone who was 35 and in a sexless marriage, consider divorce before cheating.

February 21, 2014 at 12:14 am
(167) dean says:

Options are simple. Been here did this for all of you. No you can learn and move fast on a decision.

1) go to consouling – if they cannot talk about it then go to 2, if resolved, your done
2) Consouling failed…6 months max on that commitment to get consoling… so now you must face a choice
a) Cheat
b) stay in a sexless marriage
c) swing

I did not want to cheat, so I started swinging and told my NOW EX that she is not in control of my sex life since it is vital to a healthy life. She went. She asked me to stop with promise of more attention. She failed.

I left.

Best decision i ever made…but took me 18 years to get there.

MORAL OF STORY – I love to be close and intimate. I am not a machince. I lost TIME to her for no reason other then her being selfish and her using sex as weapon. I should have left soon.

DO NOT STAY IN THIS SITUATION…Give them to the option to STEP UP, do no give them the option to control you into being lonely.

NO NEED TO CHEAT…. Swinger are great FYI – more honest then anyone I have every met and I am still a swinger and will ONLY date women who will explore that lifestyle with me. Simple, works like a charm.

sex as a weapon…yeah right, like I need to ask a woman to hold her pee for a year!

March 4, 2014 at 2:46 pm
(168) Rob says:

I love my wife and want to be intimate as much as possible. She absolutely loves intercourse once we begin the problem is I can’t ever get her aroused or horny until I have penetration. What can I do to get her interested in having sex more often or how can I remind her how much she loves it once started?? I turn 39 today we have a wonderful 8 year old little boy. I am reminded by other women how good looking and kind u am however divorce is not an option due to my child. Advice badly needed thanks

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April 11, 2014 at 7:43 am
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April 12, 2014 at 12:58 pm
(171) Anibal says:

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April 14, 2014 at 5:03 pm
(172) Lizzie says:

Been married for 4 years now…..,and honestly, i hate sex. I feel bad for my husband……i recently found out that he started cheating on me hardly a year after we got married. I sonetines feel im the reason why he cheated since ive been failing to satisfy him sexuakky. Sex is extremely painful and traumatic for me.he says he doesnt want divorce….,but i think divirce will be beneficial to both of us cos as far as im concerned, i dont see our problem getting better anytime soon……i know he doesnt have the guts to initiate divorce, but he constantly remind me how unhappy he is….ive had to move out of the house several tines, just to avoid sharing the same bed with him…..i was a virgin when we got married. Had i known, i wudnt have married. I think he deserves to be happy and i dnt have what it takes to make him happy.

April 20, 2014 at 8:59 pm
(173) ClownPuncher says:

Here I am again, 16 months after my first postings in this forum, and things are worse than ever — for ME. The emotional torment I go through every moment of every waking day is unbelievable. Why can’t I leave this prison? I’m holding the keys in my freaking hand!! My daughter is a HS junior which is part of it. But mainly, I lack the courage to open my mouth. I have no idea why. I have read countless books and articles and blogs…and I’m still stuck in the same psychic turmoil. Yesterday I thought I might have to drive myself to the ER to avoid hurting myself or having a mental breakdown…….it was the weekend and I sat in my car, alone, so bored out of my mind, not wanting to go home, nowhere to go, nothing to do………on a beautiful sunny day. I don’t know if I’m being ‘strong’ by hanging in there, or ‘stupid’. The marriage is clearly over. The only reason I’m still in it is because of my weakness and some weird psychological hang-ups (severely emotionally codependent and a ‘nice guy’…….don’t want to hurt anyone………but apparently it’s okay to allow myself to utterly disintegrate as a once-confident, vital, good-looking and life-infused man). Phhhhhhhhhhhhhh……………..uck.

April 20, 2014 at 9:03 pm
(174) ClownPuncher says:

So, those of you who come across this page and are the ones withholding sex for whatever twisted reasons……….why not just throw a very slow-burning acid on your partner, the effect will be the same.

May 1, 2014 at 6:31 am
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May 4, 2014 at 4:43 pm
(176) Tanya says:

I’ve been married to my second husband for almost 8 years. For most of our relationship, sex has been fun, exiting, and very frequent. We both had a high sex drive. Now; unfortunately, we haven’t had sex at all this year and only 3 times last year. My husband hates talking about the lack of sex in our relationship. He has gone to the doctor, and he took all the tests. Results are: there is nothing physically wrong with him. The doctor said maybe it’s depression; well, my husband is taking anti-depressants and he seems okay. We still have zero physical affection. I don’t approach him anymore for sex, it just pisses him off and makes me sad. I know he’s not having an affair, I trust him completely. Our relationship has always been very sexual and now nothing. I won’t divorce him, our marriage is fine; other than the lack of sex. I have absolutely no idea what to do, I’m afraid that we will never have sex again. I don’t want a sexless marriage. I like having sex and I wish my husband did too.

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