1. People & Relationships
Cathy Meyer

Beware the Bradley Amendment if You are Behind in Child Support Payments

By August 18, 2009

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I recently had a father ask a question on the Divorce Support Forum. The subject was Child Support and Visitation.

This father had lost his job and fallen behind on his child support payments. In retaliation his ex is threatening to not allow him visitation with his child.

What bothered me most about the situation this father is in is the fact that he has failed to take steps to protect himself legally. He is in a precarious situation financially and ignorance may end up costing him whether he can afford to pay or not.

If you are a non-custodial parent, have lost your job and canít afford you current, court ordered child support payment get thee to an attorney. If you canít afford an attorney contact your court clerk and file pro se for a modification of the child support order based on a substantial change of circumstance.

Why? Because a 1986 federal law called the Bradley Amendment prohibits retroactive reduction of alleged child support. In other words, if you lose your job in June but wait until September to take legal steps to have the child support reduced you are still going to be responsible for the full amount owed during July and August.

A custodial parent canít withhold visitation if you arenít paying child support. Child support and visitation are tow entirely different legal issues. A custodial parent can however take you to court for contempt of court if you do not continue to pay the amount of child support you are ordered to pay.

If youíve lost your job or had your income decreased take the steps needed to protect yourself. Iíve addressed this issue before on my blog. For some reason though I continue to hear from non-custodial parents who donít seem to understand that until that court order is changed and child support modified they are responsible in the eyes of the law.

Comments
August 24, 2009 at 6:28 pm
(1) Annabelle says:

What bothers me most of all is that a child somewhere is not being supported and your only concern is the legal plight of the father?

August 25, 2009 at 3:45 pm
(2) L says:

I know for a fact that children who are not receiving support are ABSOLUTELY a concern, however non-custodial parents do have rights and should also know what those rights are.

August 31, 2009 at 4:32 am
(3) stop child support says:

The child support system is a big scam. Go to this site and learn the truth….http://stoppayingchildsupport.com

September 3, 2009 at 5:15 pm
(4) laura says:

You should be concerned about the person paying the support. There are lots of deadbeats, no doubt, but those required to pay child support may have more children and other financial obligations. What about younger step-siblings who are getting the short end of the stick because their parent is forced to pay child support? What about those kids? Child support is unfair – it’s supposed to be for the kid, but it’s based on income and it usually goes to pay bills for the entire household. If the non-custodial parent makes substantially more than the other, why should the custodial parent get a huge check every month? it should be based on the actual expenses of the household where the child lives, not the incomes of the parents. There are lots of parents who quit jobs in an attempt to not have to pay support or make the other parent pay more. It’s a screwed up system.

September 4, 2009 at 10:53 am
(5) Cathy Meyer says:

Laura,

You are evidently the wife of a man who pays child support. You recent the money he pays for his first child because that leaves less for the child or children you had with him.

A parents first financial commitment is to the child they already have. If the financial responsibility they have for their first child makes it difficult to take care of second or third children they have the option of not having a second or third child.

When you married what you failed to understand is that your husband’s first responsibility is to the child he already had. I’m sure if the two of you divorced and he remarried and had other children you would not want your children to do without or get less just because he chose to have others.

It is not unfair that child support goes toward bills for the entire household. A child has to have a roof over it’s head. It makes sense that a portion of child support go toward helping to provide that roof.

A child needs water and electricity and food in their stomach. All these things are considered when determining child support. Why would you think that just because a couple is divorced the father should no longer be held partially responsible for providing the necissities in life?

Why should the custodial parent get a large check if the non-custodial parent makes “substantially” more money?

The family court system has this odd belief that if a child’s non-custodial parent lives a cushy lifestyle that, that child also deserves to share in some of the wealth and have a better lifestyle.

You aren’t the first, second wife to resent her husband’s obligation to his children from a previous marriage and you won’t be the last.

September 15, 2009 at 6:07 am
(6) Rebecca says:

Very well put Kathy. I am the mother of two children who have not received a penny of child support for over 6 years. He has 3 other children that he supports but he is one of the ones that has learned to play the system. He is constantly moving and can not hold down a job. People of this magnitude do not need to have children. The mother didn’t get herself pregnant. So before people start taking up for the deadbeat dad remember if the shoe was on the other foot how ticked off you would be. My current husband pays for his children and mine. My exhusband doesn’t seem to mind this but won’t let my husband adopt the children. The problem is most of them want to have their cake and eat it too.

September 17, 2009 at 7:43 pm
(7) Don D says:

Cathy,

I respectfully disagree with you and whole heartedly agree with everyone else that feels more rules should be in place.

I make a decent salary, and its only going to increase. But my ex decided to move to a very small town that requires

1)me to drive over two hours to pick up my daughter to spend 48 hours with her every 300 hours, two days out of two weeks. Did I allow her to move there, no I did not, did I have a say even though I have joint physical custody? No I did not. can I do anything about it? No I cannot!

2)She doesnít work and her new husband works part time, with their new two children and the cost of living in this small town I pay for all their bills? Now if you seriously tell me that is anywhere close to equality then someone needs a reality check.

I love my daughter and will do anything for her, that why I drive to pick her up, thatís why I pay my child support, thatís why I do what I do. But if you think for a moment that I have any obligation to that worthless new husband or the kids they are going to keep pumping out, and that as I continue to make more money so will she, you are off your rocker. Iím sorry if this is anyway threatening or over reactionary, I am simply tired of the entitlement attitude of too many people in this country.

Now if I could take that money and put it into a fund for my daughter, so that I know that 20% was going to college fund and 10% for this and 30% for that, I wouldnít have a problem. But no, I know the cost of living and the only thing that is happening is the more kids they have the less food is on the table because my income and the 9K anual the new hubby takes in provides a static amount of resources, the more mouths the less my dollar goes and the less my daughter receives. Thank you and have a great misguided day.

September 17, 2009 at 7:57 pm
(8) Don D says:

Because just as much as I am responsible for my child as you mention, he is responsible for his. But do you think he has that philosophy? No he sits back and all he has to do in life is have a part time job because the big fat check I send to them monthly pays for everything, why should he feel inclined to motivate? He doesnít, and thatís what I think should be addressed. Its not, the courts are blinding by the same etitlement ideals as the rest of you.

December 19, 2009 at 4:15 pm
(9) M says:

I pay child support despite the fact that:
1) I have had sole legal and physical custody of my child since 2004.
2) The other parent of my child is deceased.

Thanks to the Bradley Amendment, such absurdities can take place. When my ex and I separated, I went within a week to the local child support office and attempted to establish support payments. I was told that absent a judgment they could not collect my money. I asked about paying the other parent directly and was asked if that parent was on any form of welfare. I said that parent was probably applying for TANF, and was told not to make direct payments due to potential issues with welfare fraud.

Six months later, a regular support order was issued. I literally went directly from the courthouse to the child support enforcement office with a copy of that order and was told that they could not accept that order as they required an administrative order from the state capital. How long? Another six months. Same caveats against direct payments of course applied.

Finally order was in, payroll deductions began. From my monthly income of roughly $1600, about $500 went to support and another $100 to pay arrears. But I adapted, moved into a tiny studio, cut back on expenses.

Then my child moved in with me, placed there by children’s services. Permanent placement due to mental health issues on the part of the other parent. Support payments continued, was able to get them reduced to $25 a month with no interest but huge arrears continue to appear, can’t get a passport or a tax return. Other parent subsequently died in a car accident, huge tragedy I am reminded of every month when I get the statement from child support enforcement.

Looking back, I could have saved the money, but at the time I had literally nothing: nowhere to live, no furniture, none of my stuff, nothing but the car I was driving and the clothes I had on my back when the separation occurred. I was only able to get access a minimal amount of my own possessions, had to buy new clothes, a bed, kitchen things, etc.

So you tell me: how is this law supporting the best interests of the children? How about my child? I understand the motivation that led to its passage but the implementation of it is horribly done and it needs fixing.

For my part, I’m screwed until I can afford to pay this down, which will probably take years. Of course, this will have a detrimental effect on my child – the one whose name appears on all those support documents. I just don’t want to see this happen to anyone else.

December 23, 2009 at 6:40 am
(10) Derrail says:

M I feel your pain they will never understand until they feel it themselves. I currently pay 650 a month on top of other deductions. I was injured in 04 and court ordered later that year during the whole ordeal. Long story short the courts got very angry with me because I got terminated from my job due to a bogus law here which protects employers against workers comp.

So I lost everything my house suit workers comp every single thing except my fragile family thus far. And honestly I feel as tho I’m holding them down and my wife’s pregnant. You people have a long and hard lesson to find out in a very near moment. It is written thou shalt not oppress the widows or the fatherless. In many cases the people you disdain are orphanes. When you greedy whores see all that you’ve done as your mother Jezebel did. Immediately in that day you shall seek peace and find it not. As the saying goes you reap what you sow and what goes around comes around beware… For it is not far off all you have to do is reread history against the bible and you’ll find your face and place in time I guarantee it..

January 7, 2010 at 5:58 pm
(11) Steve says:

You cannot appeal what the court says you must pay. It is against the law to retroactively correct any error or “bullying” the court does to you. You will be put in jail based upon your debt. The only way out I can see is suicide, i just don’t know what to do. If you are not rich and can’t pay you have no chance.

January 19, 2010 at 9:18 pm
(12) Amy Krostek says:

I’m the non-working full time mother of twin 3 year olds and their father left over a year ago…due to the fact the courts “invisioned” a shared cusody situation that did not occur, and the bradley amendment that does not allow retroactive child support changes, I have child support owed to my ex and am having CSSD garnish my small unemployemnt check…the Bradley Amendment isn’t just hurting “Deadbeat Dads”!

May 18, 2010 at 5:54 pm
(13) Joseph says:

Those who think a father is leaving the child in the lurch when he modifies down, don’t understand that we adjust expenses within marriage when daddy loses his job- we go on austerity, we sell the extra car- but in divorce this changes. The Bradley Law says you can’t adjust until you get to court. In families adjustment is immediate as needed base don income changes. For a father to go in debt to the mother because he loses a job is for the father to be the lowest member of the family who gets taken care of last, if ever. When the child comes first payment cannot be paramount. The father’s financial stability is important, too.

June 23, 2010 at 6:48 pm
(14) D. Forbes says:

What about a case where the ex-wife waits 25 years, her ex-husband is disabled and on Social Security, and she springs the Bradley Act on him holding him responsible for over $165,000 which includes state (Massachusetts, of course) penalties, interest and payments? He is now in his middle Sixties and the Massachusetts DOR is taking 65% of his Social Security, leaving him living the life of a pauper at way below poverity level. The children are in their 30′s and 40′s and the ex-wife is gloating over the fact that “I want my money” and she is getting it too. Where in hell is the justice in America….a Senior Citizen is being held responsible for grown children to satisfy a vindictive female? He was unable to work while a couple of the kids were still at home in their teens but up to that point had been making regular child support payments…unfortunately he had to go onto disability as he was unable to continue with a job. Now this happens to him in his “Golden Years”. I hope the DOR and the female who instigated the back payments sleep well at night. Paybacks aren’t nice and I’m thinking that a few are due these parties. There…I said it and I’m glad!!! No justice served here…take off your blindfolds and abolish this Bradley Bill in congress…take some action and leave Senior Citizens out of the equation.

August 15, 2010 at 3:27 am
(15) Shannon Smith says:

oh, we should feel so bad for them. They don’t do any of the WORK!
pay-n-play, confuse who the support is for.. piff

I was the one puked on at 3am. please!

to say, we gotta figure out the role of the CP is stupid. If we work, we come home, go to the store, help w/ homework.. while folding 2 tons of laundry. Feed, Dunk (bath), repeat!

August 16, 2010 at 2:38 am
(16) Cathy Meyer says:

D. Forbes, a woman can’t “wait” 25 years to attempt to collect child support. The courts won’t go after child support that is owed for grown children.

They will go after support that should have been paid while the children were still under-age and a petition had been brought in court during that time.

What you are going through is what people who don’t pay their child support go through. Your ex-wife raised your children with no financial help from you. It is justice that she be paid back YOUR portion of what it cost HER to raise your children.

You didn’t protect yourself legally when you became unable to work. I don’t know why you ignored the child support you owed. Maybe you figured if you didn’t think about it, it would go away.

If your children were still dependents when you went on social security you could have signed up for them to get a check every month…SSI and petitioned the courts based on your disability and inability to pay.

You chose not to do that and in making that choice set yourself up to pay later down the road. There is justice served and there is payback. It is all on you, not the woman who raised your children or the court system that is holding you accountable for choosing to not help take care of them.

October 6, 2010 at 9:27 am
(17) David says:

I pay child support, and the child support system does not work! I owed child support arrears, and they wouldnít let me pay it. They told me to make a $50.00 areas payment on the money I owed. This is unreal to let my children go to bed hungry! They wanted me not to pay what I owed so they could call me a dead beat, and also make 15% interest on my childrenís money! The Child support System should be shut down! It only hurts our children!

November 19, 2010 at 9:22 pm
(18) Geri says:

My ex did file a motion to reduce back in 2002. He never produced any documents to support his motion.
He then dissappeared, moved and left no forwarding address.
Now in 2010, he has requested the State re-open this modification petition and forgive all arrearages.
He submitted tax forms that show he had no income from 2002-2010. However, I received a tax offset in 2003 and 2005.
Is there a doctrine of latches or statuate of limitations as to how long a modification will remain open?
Child Support only goes back 2 years in any modification yet the Court is allowing 8 years. He has never paid, only tax offsets.

June 30, 2011 at 4:27 am
(19) joshua says:

A very simple solution to child support and custody each parent supports the child during the time they have the child in there care.

September 24, 2011 at 5:51 pm
(20) P says:

My husband and I married about a 1.5 yrs ago. A month after we moved into our house, ex-wife filed a child support claim dating back to 1986. They divorced then only for financial reasons, but lived together until 1997. Split from 1997-2001 and then split again in 2007. Children are both adults now. His wife is seeking support at over $120K even though she didn’t work, he paid support while they were seperated and continued to pay support until 2004. He overpaid according to child services. I’ve always taken the side of mothers, but this has really been an eye opener

November 9, 2011 at 9:09 pm
(21) MIKE says:

There is child support and child extortion the difference is if you have a so called father a.k.a deadbeat who has every opportunity to be in his kids life without the mother interfering with the child and fathers relationship now there is where child support would be the only option but it you have a mother thats keeping the child away from the father just to make a profit now that’s child extortion!!!! it’s sad to say today you cant even raise your children in today’s society due to the government and say what you want NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE CHILD ITS ALL ABOUT THE STATE RECEIVING MONEY us men need to smarten up and not have kids in todays society because a man can lose his family and financial security for little to no reason at all!!!!!

November 9, 2011 at 9:17 pm
(22) MIKE says:

I keep seeing this ignorant post saying you play you pay and just pay your support but what you are missing is a child needs BOTH parents MONEY DO NOT REPLACE PARENTING TIME SO THATS JUST BEING IGNORANT TO ME!!! and nowadays too many women are getting meal tickets just for having a baby by someone and at the same time is damaging the child and father relationship and is being rewarded for it this country is full of corruption and needs to be stopped!!! im sick of seeing these post by these one track mind women i think women need to find a way to procreate among themselves maybe the system would be fair

February 7, 2012 at 3:19 pm
(23) tyrone says:

I have a child in 30days she will be 18yrs old,all of her life i have supported her,never the less dispite my numerous mistakes,in life she is my joy.i have paid 70.000,dollars in child support,her mother just got a job this year2012,lived on subsidised housing since our daughter came in the world .now the courts since my job has closed,are going to lovk me up,if i dont give them 8,000ddollars.they hav ed cost me more just going through the situation i just dont know what to do and all l wanted is to see my little girl graduate from school since i lost my job and her mother had another child. By true deadbeat who lives with them in subsides housing,she tells childsupport she doesnt know who the other childs father is while childsupport holds me at 721.00,a month.i tell my daughter because she says she see’s none of the money i will give to you which they consider a gift.now i await my trial for being a deadbeat father

April 3, 2012 at 12:29 pm
(24) Jean says:

It’s good advice to get a lawyer or tell people to file pro se, but often this is something that people are not capable of doing. Sometimes they have disabilities, maybe transportation is a problem, in many cases they are out of the country in military service, or maybe they are just not aware of what needs to be done.

I first learned about the Bradley Amendment when I read about a man who was taken hostage by the Iraqis in the first Gulf War. He was eventually released, but the very next day after he returned home he was arrested for not paying child support during his captivity.

The whole thing is ridiculous. Bill Bradley and anyone who supports unfair methods of collecting child support without due process should be ashamed of themselves. It’s one thing to go after deadbeat dads, it’s another to prosecute without the ability to claim exigent circumstances. The Bradley Amendment basically says that if you aren’t smart enough, fit enough, or rich enough to go through a bunch of bureaucratic red tape, you will be deemed guilty and this verdict cannot be overridden by a court of law. Is it really fair to a child to jail their father when CS payments exceed their actual income?

“All men are inherently bad, so if they are going through a rough time, let’s find a way to put them in jail or at least destroy them completely.”

I am so glad that I only have daughters.

May 17, 2012 at 10:13 pm
(25) debi guenterberg says:

Here’s one for you. My husband’s first WIFE died at age 22. Their daughter was 3. He them remarried a divorced woman who had a child. Then they had a child together. When the child was one, his second wife had a boyfriend, and also abused his first daughter. She filed for a divorce and wanted sole custody and all the debts of the marriage to be paid by my husband. His ATTORNEY told him that it would cost at least $6000 or more to CONTINUE fighting for his rights. He could not afford anymore ATTORNEY fees. He and I metros, got married. We DID not have any children together because We could not afford to. My husband worked and paid child support for years He them had an accident which left him disabled at age 33. I CONTINUE to pay his child support from my earnings, I helped him Apply for SSDI benefits and he got them . Them I filled out the SSDI paperwork for his ex so their child could get the SSDI benefits. These benefits were over twice the original child support ORDERED. The child received about $27,000 more in child support than the court ORDERED amount. Never was he notified in 15 years that he was in arrears. He was unable to mentally or physically hire an ATTORNEY nor DID he even know he needed one. Our main CONCERN that his daughter was getting support. Surprise! The child is now an adult, age 23. My husband received a call from an atty she hired. Her atty on the phone yells and claims my husband owes back child support. We asked how much and he says the SSDI benefits were a “gift’ for all those years. In the State of IL SSDI is counted as child support paid. His divorce papers stated that if his EMPLOYER no longer sent his child support to the Clerk of Courts that he still had to pay the amount ordered which them SSA became the payor.

July 16, 2012 at 1:27 am
(26) terry says:

So I ask..I am the 2nd wife. We have about 5k in back child support, because of unemployment. We are currently paying $500 a month for one cold on 40k a year. Here’s the kicker…our other child is 10. We have never been allowed our legal visitation & the X is a monster! I do not state this out of anger but truth. We cannot afford an attorney and we are in that spot that says we make to much for pro bono! So what now?? We have 3 kids who never get to see their sibling & a bitter, disturbed X wife who makes EVERYTHING as difficult as humanly possible..

July 20, 2012 at 6:42 pm
(27) tony says:

As a man and a father I do take in consideration the financial well being of my children. My personal feelings with the mother has nothing to do with my parental obligations……..but the courts see it otherwise. On top of the courts acting on more of a personal as compared to a professional level the figures that they compute is completely unfair. I am a city employee as well as the mother and during the calculations from the courts my base salary and overtime as compared to just my base was also factored in to the equation. When I informed the courts that Ot was never guaranteed there reply was….” It looks like you need to keep doing overtime”. Now people here’s the BS….last year I made 100k so with me busting my rump to do more Ot to cover my expenses for this year, my new annual figures are up for debate when she want to ask for a “Raise”…….so ladies which part of that is fair for the fathers……please keep in mind she can do the same Damn Ot

July 27, 2012 at 7:21 pm
(28) Doug Montgomery says:

I am A father and a damb good and responsible one… I was out of work for about 5 months and fell behind on my support payments. as well, my vehicle was reposesed, credit card were not paid None of my obligations were paid, before I could return to work, behind my back the ex filed for contempt and started to withhold visitation… she claimed to my face that she understood and I promised that as soon as i was back to work I would pay and pay extra toward arears….she made all the choices leading up to the divorce and her current living situation but in court claims it is my fault she lives with her parents…. judge looks at arrears and the fact I am gainfully employeed again and sides with her, giving me a suspended jail sentence until further review, never taking into consideration my side…I am going to jail for owing 3000 dollars I cannot afford to pay, while the ex eats lobster and steak, with my son, while I eat hotdogs….just so I can pay my support… I take offense to the people who say I am a Dead beat dad…. Those dads, never pay and never see there children… All I want is to raise my son, and see him, all the time. I go without to try to make payments but just cant afford to get out of this hole…

January 7, 2013 at 7:17 pm
(29) debi says:

If a non-custodial parent paid child support was current, became disabled and the custodial parent received $18,000.00 over what the court ordered, but the custodial parent 14 years later takes the non-custodial parent to court for contempt..what can you do? My husband never was told he was in arrears and child support still tells him the case was closed in 2002. My husband didn’t pay the court ordered amount because she collected more because of the Social security auxililary benefits. It counts as child support in IL. His ex’s atty claims she waited until the child was 24 so she could collect the 9% interest for 14 years, she wanted it to be an investment so she could get paid child support for life..FAIR?

January 9, 2013 at 10:08 pm
(30) guest says:

the women has the final decision to keep the kid or not if the dad wants to put it up for adoption then the mom has the final decision so she should take care of it

March 10, 2013 at 10:34 am
(31) dan says:

You can sign a petition for the Obama administration to repeal the Bradley Amendment here: http://wh.gov/7Srv please sign, every signature counts!

July 28, 2013 at 12:48 pm
(32) MarisaLee says:

I’m a single mother of an almost 4 year old.I work part time because I’m also going to school. We rely on my money for housing, and food…
my ex husband owes about $12,000 in child support. yet he’s making good money working at an oil refinery, and he just moved in to some new apparments that cost $1,000 a month ( when he was paying less than $600 before). I don’t understand how he has money to party, for a fancy apartment, and a bmw
yet here I am using a credit card at Wal-Mart because
he can’t contribute. He must think everything is ok because my mom is providing a home for his son.
My hat goes off to responsible parents, but to the selfish ones, shame on you!

October 30, 2013 at 12:45 am
(33) vincenza testa says:

I raised my 4 children on my own, and with my earnings, for a short time I received state aid… my children are grown now but I gave them all, I have nothing and I am 60, can I recuperate the arrears child support, does it go to the grown children or to the one that actually supported them?

November 1, 2013 at 4:01 pm
(34) Veronica says:

If a non-custidal parent just got done with court for joint custody and child support and the child support is due in 2 weeks but, he has filed to modify the child support due to income issues. Does he still have to pay the child support amount until it is modified?

November 13, 2013 at 7:54 pm
(35) Lynn says:

My sons father doesn’t like to pay child support.
He only pays on the day we are in court and the judge has ordered partial payment that day or jail.
He had 2 other children after our son and I’m unsure if he pays for them … He always claims he’s not working ( shocking he couldn’t get a job in 13 yrs) the court order was $11.55 per week for the first 3 years ( he couldn’t pay then either) it was then raised to $75.00 and the judge is always asking why he doesn’t get it reduced or why isn’t he collect unemployment …. He claims he’s in the process
And he wants to leave it at $75. To be fair ….????
Why not set it to a million not like he pays it !!!!
I just don’t understand if I go to court and he comes up with 500 to stay out of jail for owning 10k and we continue the contempt order in 12 wks and the judge says ok come up with 600 or jail then 16 wks later come up with 800 or jail ( I think you get my point ) why the judge doesn’t just lock him up not like he’s going through a rough patch in his life …. He works under the table and went off the grid for over 2yrs until I found him and had the constable pick him up @ 7 am at his job ( he claimed he didn’t work at this place he was just visiting a friend ….) 4 months later that same place he doesn’t work at he claims he now works at under the table to the judge … Really and still
No money being paid but nice clothes glad you decided to go all out with the new threads for court !!!!

January 20, 2014 at 4:52 am
(36) Todd says:

We talk about paying child support an how it helps them to mature an give them a chance at life. What child support does is condemn children to a life of suffrage an death .for those who seek liberty.1,000,000 children have chosen death to escaped the injustice and crimes of this alleged child support to date. You can support your children this way if you hate them enough or just plane stupid.

April 11, 2014 at 3:57 pm
(37) momma of 4 says:

So I just want to add my thoughts on the subject. My husband and I have 4 children, mine, his, and ours. We have full custody of all of them so we are suppose to recieve child support for our 2 oldest. “supposed” being the keyword!!!
In my sons case his father does not see him at all! And hasn’t seen him since 2007. He was awarded 1 90 min supervised visit a month due to his violent past…. He pays his child support pretty regularly now, but owes $8000 in arrears. However, I have asked him several times to sign over his rights so he can have the same lastname (my sons request) as the rest of the family, and he refuses. My sons happiness is much more important to me than his money!
My step daughters mother on the other hand is a dead beat biological mother. She was ordered to pay state minimum which in our state is $50.00 a month! Yup a big whopping $50.00. And get this, she refuses to pay it bc she says she hates the fact of giving my husband or I money! She gets her daughter every other weekend and helps us with nothing!!! How is that fair? Ontop of this she uses her daughter to her advantage making her daughter feel guilty for wanting to spend time with her friends, or going to a birthday party when she is supposed to be at her house. She cries to my step daughter telling her how disappointed she is in her. And she feeds lies about us into her 12 yr old head.
Point is, why does it matter what we spend that child support money on? We are the ones buying everything she needs. Clothes, athletics she is involved in, along with the proper clothing shoes and equipment, shampoo, deoderant, school supplies ….. I could go on and on and on. I feel like all you complaining about where the money is spent are simply unhappy and jealous and using their hurt and misfortune to complain. Grow up people! Why can’t anyone understand that its about the children and their happiness!!!??k makes me sad for all these children that have parents that act this way over a dollar!

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