So why not just let go of the marriage? For the last three years, that has been the question. Why doesn't Elizabeth Edwards let go of her marriage to a cheating, lying man who has shown in every way that his only concern is himself?
It seems the time has come, Elizabeth is finally letting go. She and her husband, John Edwards have legally separated. The next step...divorce.
"I've had it. I can't do this. I want my life back," her sister, Nancy Anania, tells People in its February 8 issue. "She's got cancer and has young children and totally believes in marriage, but she can only do so much."
This blog post isn't about John Edwards and his affair. Enough has been said about his bad behavior. It is about Elizabeth Edwards and women like her who attempt to save their marriage and family after an affair.
Why didn't Elizabeth let go of the marriage three years ago when she learned her husband had cheated? It is simple; she was emotionally invested in her relationship with her husband. She loved him and at that time I'm sure all she wanted was her "life back" and to move on in her marriage.
I have to chuckle when I hear women say, "if my husband cheats the marriage is over." None of us know how we would respond to a cheating spouse until we are in Elizabeth's situation. And, once the shoe is on the other foot many of these same women learn that walking away isn't easy.
Many experts are of the opinion that women like Elizabeth Edwards stay because of the image and lifestyle that comes with a marriage to someone like John Edwards.
Some women use their husband's admission of an affair as a way to leverage change in the marriage, says relationship expert Jonathan Alpert. "Long-standing issues can finally be addressed, and this is done on her terms," he says. "Often the man will come back with his tail between his legs willing to do anything to restore the relationship. And some women look beyond the infidelity at the family and the impact leaving may have on it."
No one mentions love and the emotions involved when faced with infidelity. Love for a spouse does not dissolve into thin air just because your spouse cheats. Say what you will, the one thing that keeps women like Elizabeth Edwards holding on is the love they have for their husband.
Thirty-two years of loving John Edwards, building a family, life and career around him isn't easy to let go of. And, you can bet she invested all the energy she did into her marriage and him because her heart was in it, not because of the image or lifestyle.
Because of that, I don't think that the announcement that Elizabeth and John Edwards have separated should be an excuse to rehash his history. Instead, we should take a moment to express our sympathy to a woman who finally couldn't take anymore. One who is in emotional pain and taking the first steps toward rebuilding her life after giving her marriage all she had to give.
I wish you well Elizabeth.
Elizabeth is now the woman I most admire in the world. To put her husband’s campaign before her own needs when she first learned she had cancer says so much about the kind person she is inside. John is the slime of the earth for cheating on her when she needed him most. I plan to show my support for Elizabeth by buying her book(s) and reading about her bittersweet life.
I totally agree with Cathy’s thoughts. Never easy to leave something you’ve invested so much in. I have been there myself so I know exactly what it is.
Elizabeth Edwards is a class act. My prayers are with her.
I have been in Elizabeth’s shoes however I wasn’t as financially secure as Elizabeth will be. My marriage of 30 years dissolved primarily because of another woman who set her sights on my husband.
I, too, wish Elizabeth well. It is my opinion than
she will fare better emotionally that she has imagined. She is a strong woman. I respect her for taking this giant step that she tried so hard to avoid. As Cathy said, one doesn’t just turn off the love established over 30 years.
It is sad that so many men don’t value and appreciate the 30 year relationship more!
, too, wish Elizabeth well. I will be praying for her well being and strength. It is my opinion than
she will fare better emotionally that she has imagined. She is a strong woman. I respect her for taking this giant step that she tried so hard to avoid. As Cathy said, one doesn’t just turn off the love established over 30 years.
It is sad that so many men don’t value and appreciate the 30 year relationship more!
It is very hard to let go …even after you learn of the affair…like the article says..your love does not dissolve into thin air..I finally seperated from my husband and it is still very difficult. My heart goes out to Elizabeth Edwards
After finding out that my husband of 30 years, best friend and father of my 4 children was a sexual addict, cheating me with a 18 year old strip-dancer and exposing me to every venereal disease in the book, I would and still question my sanity of how can one still feel love for someone after this. But you do. You have this person intwined in your heart-soul. It takes time, but bit by bit you pick up the shattered pieces and awake to your true Self. With the help of women like you, we heal and regain our forgotten dignity. And once we do, there is no turning back. But it takes time and many ups and downs.
To Dorito..the post after mine…Hearing from women like you is what gives me strength..
I too chuckle at women who say they would leave if…it is not so easy, there is no “just walk away” if there are young children involved, or if you are financially dependent or most basically, if you love that person…love does not disappear, there is hurt and anger and fear and guilt…every negative emotion all at once. but it takes time to get your footing again, and depending on how he behaved, then you decide…afterall a lack of thinking is probably what started it, so you should think very carefully about your future, your children, your finances…all of it should be looked at.
I lived with a sex addict for 22 years. I believed in my vows and I viewed this as “for better or WORSE, in SICKNESS and in health”. He didn’t see it the same way. I wanted him to get into a recovery program. He viewed it as nagging. So, he went out and found another woman that accepted him just the way he was. I was devastated at first because I would never have left him. Here I am a year later and it is the best thing that ever happened to me. Are there still ups and downs? Most definitely, but the downs are fading…We find strength where we never thought possible. Prayers out to everyone that has had to deal with the heartache of infidelity. Just know you will come out on the other side, much better for it.
My heart goes out to this woman. John is one of the biggest loser to do this to her. After watching the other woman on Oprah, I wonder what he saw in her. She is very self centered, and proud of the shame she should feel. She is not even pretty, I find disgusting at best. My Prayers are with you Elizabeth. KARMA!