From a recent New York Times article..."New York appears to be on the verge of finally joining the other 49 states in allowing people to end a marriage without having to establish that their spouse was at fault."
New York is the last state to hold onto fault divorce laws. In the state of New York one cannot divorce a spouse without "grounds" for divorce. Those grounds must be, cruelty, adultery, abandonment or imprisonment for a least three years.
According to Senator Ruth Hassell-Thompson, a Bronx Democrat who sponsored the recent no-fault bill that passed the senate, "The requirement of finding fault is often unfair to children and horrendous for victims of domestic violence trapped in abusive marriages with no way out without the consent of the abuser."
But, and this is a big BUT, the National Organization of Women opposes the passing of no-fault divorce laws in New York. N.O.W. fears no-fault divorce laws would make it easier for judges to ignore documented cruelty and also leave more New York women impoverished by making it easier for moneyed husbands to hide assets and end marriages.
Now, I never thought I would find myself on the same side of the fence as N.O.W. but here I am. I don't agree with their argument in total. Victims of domestic abuse are already protected under present divorce laws in New York state...it is one of the grounds for divorce and no-fault divorce laws would not make it harder to prove abuse.
What I agree with is no-fault laws leaving women impoverished when a husband unilaterally decides he wants a divorce. A lot of assumptions are made under no-fault divorce laws. The main assumption being that people recover financially and emotionally after a divorce.
Most do, many don't and the problem with no-fault divorce laws is that divorce is not treated on a case by case basis. The concern is not for those going through a divorce and what divorce means to them financially or emotionally. The only concern is getting divorce cases through the Family Court System as quickly as possible and thanks to no-fault divorce laws that happens.
What else happens due to no-fault divorce laws?
1. There is an assumption that Mom gets custody, leaving Dad a visitor in his children's lives. Men are left with little to no recourse against a Family Court System that arbitrarily decides they lose their relationship with their children just because Mom no longer wanted to be married.
2. Divorce takes less time under no-fault divorce laws but conflict hangs on long after the divorce is final. A man or woman has no recourse against a spouse who commits adultery and turns their life and the lives of their children upside down. A spouse who loses their marriage due to infidelity or abandonment should have a legal recourse against the spouse choosing to walk away.
3. Some say fault divorces cause conflict. I disagree, conflict that lingers, in my opinion is due to feelings of helplessness and the lack of support a left behind spouse receives from the Family Court System.
4. Marriage and commitment have become meaningless under no-fault divorce laws. We live in a society of people who would rather walk away than solve a problem. People used to take pride in the fact they had been married 50 years, that they had held their family together. There is no longer that pride, there is no longer a concern for what divorce means to children of broken homes.
It takes two to decide to marry; it takes one to decide to divorce. I find it odd that our justice system rewards the injustice of a man or woman breaking the legal and emotional commitment made to their spouse without good cause. Why should anyone take the commitment seriously knowing it is that easy to get out of? Heck, why should anyone even make the commitment because under no-fault divorce laws it has become meaningless.
These are excellent points! I wish CA was not No Fault just for these reasons listened. He was all the above and left me and the kids with many hardships from emotional, to physical, to financial while he skipped out without a backward look. Don’t know where he is, his wages are garnished but not what we were even half of what was awarded. No Fault is NOT in the best interest of women and children!
well i do not think courts should allow people to marry a person without their awareness, and if that happens the other party cannot just file a divorce without the other persons knowledge, especially when the other party did not know they were married to the person. and if the other party married them just to get their greedy hands on their estate and assets,. this case is totally fraudulent. and the other party has the right to be notified to protect themselves from being ripped off. so i suggest the law or the courts make some changes in their new law. because this fradulent marriege has been going on for far too long and it is not fair to the other person to have not known they were married and to allow the identity thief to just walk away with property and money that does not belong to them. they should be prosecuted… that is totally agains the law. so this case is strictly fraudulent and he or she must pay…
I wish that I was still living in New York when I was divorced. He admitted to being with prostitutes all over the world and his secret 12-year relationship under oath. New Jersey court just wanted us to settle.
I live in a no fault state and couldn’t imagine it being any other way. Do you really want to be trapped in a marriage that doesn’t work if you can’t blame it on your spouse?
I know that my ex-wife had an affair. She’s never admitted it and it would have been very difficult to prove in court. And if I was able to prove it, would i really be justified in screwing her over for it? Would our children have been better off if I had proven that their mother was a wh0re? After dragging her through the mud, is there any reasonable expectation that we could co-parent? Doubtful.
She now lives with her “just a friend” and we share custody and co-parent our children. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I wouldn’t take her back for a million bucks, but being able to get along is so worth it for our kids.
Of course, her standard of living took a major hit, but I don’t see it as a divorce issue, I see it as a career choice issue that she made when she was young. I chose a hard course of study, excelled at it and have been rewarded financially. I feel a strong sense of financial responsibility for our children. She took the easy route and low and behold, she doesn’t get paid much, the same amount she’d be making if she never got married in the first place. If she feels any financial responsibility for our children, she hides it well. She has no interest in making the sacrifices necessary to advance.
When all is said and done, even though she was “at fault”, I know that it takes two to tango. ” We were so happy and then bam, out of the blue…” is B.S. People don’t leave happy marriages. People who think that they do are deluding themselves.