Dear Cathy,
I was truly offended by your article and description of the "Other Woman" in a marital affair. The Other Woman, truth be told is a wonderful,loving lady. She is caught in a love triangle without knowing.
I met a guy, Tommy who said he and his wife had drifted apart, which happens... they were living in separate rooms. I can't understand that, I was married for 30 years and the sparks never left, I am now widowed.
Tommy and Patricia were staying together for the financial reasons, not love, not intimacy. So, Tommy knew all the right things to do and say, and we had a world-wind romance for almost a year. Then Patricia saw a smile on his face and Tommy was happy, now she wants marriage counseling, no intimacy, but counseling.
Yes, the trophy wife so to speak, why should she have to go out into the world and work? Give up her lifestyle. Well, she knew how to put the guilt on him, and it worked. Tommy wants to give his marriage one more chance, but I should stand by him and if they can't fix what is broken, which will take many years of therapy, he will come back to me.
Wow, I felt my heart was ripped out of my chest and stomped on. The Other Woman, I am no glamor girl, typical legal secretary with a warm and loving Italian heart, who would do...post continued
Thanks for your response to Donna and may i make a few more points?
1. You knew he was married and no matter the state of that marriage, they were still married, not separated or in the process of filing…no other person has the right to interfere!
2.yes you are a DIVA, you put your wants and needs above another person! Every minute spent with you, every dollar spent on you, every emotion shared with you, where time, money and emotions that were PLEDGED to another woman and family.
3. Now of course he wants you to stand by him, you are his back up if his REAL life falls apart! You are an idiot if you do, chances are anyway as soon as he makes a “commitment” to you, he will find someone else!
Neither of you has shown taht you value marriage or committment or fidelity…BUT is seems his wife does, NONE of his cheating is her fault, IF he is truly unhappy, he should leave first then find a new partner, not the other way around!
4. No one has to put the guilt on him, HE IS GUILTY of cheating, lying, decieving!!!! and YOU took what was hers! You and Tommy should feel guilty, SHAME on you for not!
Dear Donna,
I couldn’t agree more with the comments here.
You knew he was married and yet you entered into an affair.
My husband did the same thing to me, we were married over 30 years, only difference is, he left me and married her.
Now he’s miserable, he’s lost the respect of his sons and daughters, all his friends and now he’s retired and broke and yet blames me for his financial situation!
I’ve since moved on and married a wonderful man who will never cheat on me. And guess what, my ex’s new wife will always be “the other woman” and not only to my children, to her children as well….things didn’t turn out very well for either of them.
The thing is, once that “in love” feeling is gone (the experts say it takes about 2 years), then reality sets in and I know everyday my ex looks at his now wife and wonders about the price he paid for his new life…not worth the heartache and pain he caused for his friends and family.
Shame on you!
I agree with all the comments. My husband had an emotional affair over the phone for 2 years behind my back. Of course he had seen her about once a week in those two years. He waited till after Christmas to tell me he wanted a divorce. We had been together for 25 years. She not only stole my husband, but also my best friend. She was divorced and knew he was married, but continued to see him and talk to him over the phone and computer.
The strange thing is her husband had an affair on her and had to have counseling to recover. So she obviously didn’t mind putting me in the same pain she recovered from.
I have just found out (sunday) that my husband has been having an affair with and “old friend” he reconnected with via facebook and text msgs. I am absolutely devasted-I honestly had no idea it was going on. She’s married, he’s married, and I’m blaming myself endlessly for their selfishness. How can you justify who and what the “other woman” is?? This was MY life, MY marriage, MY husband and she knew it. How dare you justify the devastation of two families for your “love”?? Do you really know who the wife is?? Or is the cheating husband’s version of who she is good enough to let you sleep at night? Shame on you and every man or woman who KNOWINGLY enters into an affair with a married man/woman-WE and our families are the victims-not you.
I understand your comments but do you realize your husbands/wives that are married and choose to have an affair is also to blame. That is the problem is that they choose to, have you forgotten that. The other man/women is not just trying to lure them in. The person married plays a huge part into this as well. The words they speak, the actions they have, everything. No matter what is right or wrong, no one no one can say anything until you walk in someone else’s shoe. I loved him, yes I knew he was married but not at first because he never mentioned her. I never give excuses I knew. The connection we had I can never put in words. He left he for two seconds but went back because he didn’t want to disappoint his parents. He back even though he is unhappy and rather be with me, he went back! The hurt the pain that you feel when you are the one being cheated on is the same hurt I feel. Betrayed, not believing that he said he loved you and now he is gone. The pain is the same, where you are in the triangle is just different. The person that gets their spouse back is happy but the pain that I have in my heart will always be there. It’s not fair to anyone! No one deserves to be hurt. Even if you are the other women.
Of course a cheating husband is responsible and anyone who thinks the wife doesn’t feel anger at him is being simplistic. But that doesn’t make anger at the other woman misplaced. Many claim they “couldn’t help it” or “were pursued”. Well my husband’s ex mistress wrote chapter and verse about how she planned it from when she saw us together (I was pregnant) and she set about becoming a friend so he would slowly fall for her. She calculated well. She praised me to get him to say I wasn’t perfect (who is?). She made herself out to be a victim so he felt he had to help her. She played vulnerable but made calculations which were very much manipulative. She admitted deliberately pushing an emotional infidelity to physical when e wasn’t keen because she thought it would be my dealbreaaker and he’d have no choice to make.
She was our age, married with kids. She was not a lonely inexperienced girl. She wrote about how she loved to think of his coming baby and remembering her own early motherhood!! She never once thought of the baby she was robbing of it’s birthright. She only thought of getting out of her own marriage and with a meal ticket.
My husband betrayed her completely te minute I found out the whole truth. That’s how I’ve read all her emails
What was he thinking? He was self medicating a problem in him and it had nothing to do with her “attributes” or what they had “in common”. He was weak and there’s no way round that. She knows that too. But stupidly (and she’s rarely stupid) she thought he’d only lie to me.
But make no mistake- she was no victim. She knew what she was doing and she did it deliberately. That’s why I hate her, not because of what happened.