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Cathy Meyer

Has Your Ex Defied a Divorce Court Order?

By May 7, 2011

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When going through the divorce process I was quite naive. I was inexperienced in not only the legal issues surrounding divorce I also had very high expectations of how my ex would behave once we had negotiated our divorce settlement.

I left court that day feeling I had been fair to him by not requesting anything from him that would leave him burdened financially. I remember talking to a friend that afternoon and discussing the court order. The friend looked at me and said, "that is nothing more than a promise on a piece of paper."

I thought his response was rather jaded so I paid little attention. After-all, my ex had been good to the children and I while he had us, I had no reason to believe he would be anything but decent once the divorce was final. It wasn't long before he gave me reason to believe that our final decree of divorce was nothing to him but "a promise on a piece of paper."

As it turns out, my ex was not good at keeping his promises...court ordered or not. He defied every aspect of our divorce agreement except for child support and he played fast and loose with that. He sent child support every month, some months it would come on the 4th of the month, others it would come on the 15th of the month.

He liked to slow leak the child support check. It was always late during the months when the children had birthdays, and during December I didn't start looking for the check until at least the fifteenth. Typical passive aggressive behavior by someone who no longer wanted to be there but was hell bent on punishing the one he left behind.

I could deal with him playing games with the child support, it was the defying of court orders I didn't appreciate nor could I comprehend. The guy spent more on attorney fees attempting to get out of doing what he had agreed to do than he would have if he had just followed the court order. That is behavior that is beyond comprehension!

I know I'm not the only person who has dealt with an irrational ex who believes divorce court orders don't apply to them. Over the years I've learned how to handle my situation from others who shared their story with me. We learn from experience, both our own and that of others.

Have you had a similar situation since your divorce? Is your ex defying a court order or have you been in and out of court attempting to get your ex to follow a court order? If so, Share Your Story so that others may learn from your experience.

August 9, 2010 at 1:06 pm
(1) Lisa says:

My ex didn’t fight the divorce, but we have a custody order which he certainly doesn’t follow. We have an agreement that he is to see his daughters every other weekend and one evening a week. He hasn’t followed this in almost 2 years. He asks for them on holidays for a couple hours and on special occasions. I bet in the last year he has seen them about 6 times. It’s hard because they need a father figure in their lives. They are 12 and 9. I feel bad for them. I don’t know how anyone could go months without seeing their kids when he lives all but a mile and a half away! Very selfish in my opinion. But, I guess I know that, that’s why I divorced him.

August 9, 2010 at 1:07 pm
(2) Lisa says:

My ex didn’t fight the divorce, but we have a custody order which he certainly doesn’t follow. We have an agreement that he is to see his daughters every other weekend and one evening a week. He hasn’t followed this in almost 2 years. He asks for them on holidays for a couple hours and on special occasions. I bet in the last year he has seen them about 6 times. It’s hard because they need a father figure in their lives. They are 12 and 9. I feel bad for them. I don’t know how anyone could go months without seeing their kids when he lives all but a mile and a half away! Very selfish in my opinion. But, I guess I know that, that’s why I divorced him.

August 9, 2010 at 2:57 pm
(3) Cindy Davis says:

This article could have been written verbatim by me. My economic circumstances are very bleak as I have been looking for employment and my Ex did not comply in it’s entirity of our Court Recorded Settlement.
He has completely alienated our Teen Children and bought my daughter a car if she chose to live in full custody with him and declare to the courts that she did not want to live with me and her father refused to encourage her communication or compliance to simply meet me once a week for dinner.
His entire case was to villify me to the courts and has brainwashed and alienated both our children in an effort to not have to pay me Child Support.
All after I asked that we sit down and make a plan on the divorce and settle it amongst ourselves to ensure financial stability for him, myself and our, now two college age children. Not only has he not complied to “his settlement offer” he stole from me assets, retirement and stocks and dividends. Can I get a “pro-bono” attorney in the state of California to rectify an Unjust and illegal Divorce Settlement

August 9, 2010 at 4:38 pm
(4) Pam says:

“Promises on paper”! Truer words were never spoken. My husband is having an affair. He signed a court order stating he would never have our daughter around his paramour and named her specifically!! Yet he continues to have her around her “playing house” and confusing my daughter. The court just shrugs and says a figurative “Oh well”. He has suffered absolutely no consequensences. It has been very disappointing and heartbreaking for me as a mother.

August 10, 2010 at 11:25 pm
(5) Ivy Boarman says:

My ex husband did play sly when it comes to visiting with the children. I requested a move away due to unemployment and shelter, my relative had offered me a job and a place to stay for me and my 3 kids. Unfortunately, judge ruled out for the best interest of the children that’s why we are stuck here where ex is despite that I don’t have any relatives nor friends to help me. He was happy that we didn’t go but then he still not see his kids as the judge ruled, all people says write it down on a notebook as a journal but really is this going to help? He really made an act crying in the court that he can’t accept to let the kids far from him but now even though we stayed he doesn’t see them as much then I said that the kids needs to see him plus as the court ruled and then he says he has “things” to do, working, busy tired all the excuses. It’s not really fair where the other party puts on a sly moves.

August 30, 2010 at 9:17 am
(6) samanta says:
December 2, 2010 at 7:26 am
(7) The nd Wife says:

What about when it’s reversed? My husband’s ex-wife feels she can dictate the visitation schedule, even though it is clearly spelled out in the divorce decree and joint parenting agreement, just becuase she has “residential custody”. She does not honor what these documents say, yet holds my husband to every word i/r/t his responsibilities and even makes more demands of him. She moved out of state and makes my husband pay for the trasnportation coasts “if he wants to see his son”.

May 9, 2011 at 12:35 pm
(8) Kari says:

I have an ongoing battle with my ex over child support. He is consistently late or doesn’t pay at all telling me that he just isn’t making money. Then he parades his new house, TVs, couches, and his fiance’s clothes and wedding plans in front of the kids. All I asked is that he keep to the custody agreement. It has been so hurtful to the kids because they are teens and figure it out on their own. Why he does it is beyond me. He would have a better relationship with his kids if he just stuck to the agreement too. Its not like he spends the money on them if he doesn’t pay me either. Very sad and it puts us all in tight financial binds. The courts are not very helpful either unless you go at them with full force. That my friends takes alot of energy.

May 10, 2011 at 7:22 am
(9) Jason says:

My ex wife has denied me visitation since January. I got pretty ill after the divorce and couldn’t take him until then. I found out that my son who is now 18 months had pneumonia back in March. I told her I was coming to see him. When I got there I could tell she was infuriated. I have had my lawyer send hers letters, in which my ex denies my accusations. Last week she asked me to sign my rights over. I don’t know what to do. She’s hell bent on keeping the knife in my chest, and she’s the one who filed. My lawyer has become a lame duck, the clock is ticking on my disability, all I want to do is see my son.

May 16, 2011 at 1:46 pm
(10) Tara says:

If I try to enforce our divorce decree and joint visitation schedule, I meet full resistance from the Ex and am basically told that the papers don’t mean a thing and he will take me to court and have them changed and go for full custody of our son. Yet, he has no problem throwing “it’s in the papers” back in my face if I want to deviate in any way for a family or holiday event. I feel I have no control and am at the mercy of his whims, and, based on previous comments, apparently, I am, no thanks to the courts. I have no more say and/or control over my child’s life than I did before those meaningless papers were signed.

June 7, 2011 at 3:00 pm
(11) Elizabeth says:

It’s funny (strange) how the people we supposedly love forever till death do us part, can turn out to be the ones we hate the most and can become our biggest enemy. Unfortunately, the kids are just innocent casualties of this war. Are they trying to fulfill the till death do us part, by slowly torturing their ex’s to death emotionally?

June 20, 2011 at 3:44 pm
(12) nerida aponte says:

my heart goes out to everyone who has a ex husband who cares more about himself then there own child. my ex husband not only ignored the court with our settlement he payed thousands of dollars to his attorney so i wont get a penny. hes has not payed child support or alimony in 3 yrs.and yet our courts have allowed this foul play to continue. im still waiting for payment. if that was not enough he has remarried and has told our son his new wife is his mom now. when my son refused to call her mom he was punished. only a man with out a heart does this to his own child. and the court says they do the best for the childrens best interest. No the only one who makes out are the attorneys and the judges. the attorneys stall and the judges allow it knowing it cost thousands of dollars for us to continue.

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April 8, 2012 at 1:27 am
(15) gj says:

My divorce was just filed in Feb and my ex is already playing the game. He was at my door with the police saying I was denying him his parenting time when my son had school the next day and spring break wasn’t until the next week. Now he is asking that he keep our son 3 more hours since I would not have to drive to ND to pick him up. They are in the same city as me now. He doesn’t understand that his visitation is up at 4 p.m. tomorrow and I don’t know if I am suppose to drive to ND to pick him or will his father be man enough to just drop him off on time. He threw at me that the judge didn’t want our son in the vehicle for so long so I should give him what he wants. again he screwed up my plans with our daughter we were going to spend easter in Fargo and then I was to pick up our son and come home. I don’t know if I should now stay here in case he returns him here or if I head to ND to pick him up.

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September 25, 2012 at 7:59 pm
(18) tom says:

My ex, the mother of our daughter does much of the same, although I have full legal and majority physical custody she has always believed the court orders don’t apply to her. Always causing issues, and will tell anyone that listens she is a victim of it all. Doesn’t understand that being drunk for years around our daughter and all the instability and dangers it brought should just be swept away.

October 16, 2012 at 1:01 am
(19) Desiree says:

Is there a book somewhere that shows exactly how NOT to abide by the rules? My ex seems to know the very edge of the line that he can cross without going over. And the court system was obviously set up by divorced men to ensure that all divorced men are entitiled to whatever they want. My ex only pays child support a few times during the summer…is almost 5000 behind….said he would buy school clothes and didn’t…..doesn’t pay for any medical bills…..STILL gets visitation…..is terrible about making sure my son gets to school. Is just an all around nasty person……laws need to change. And court orders need to able to be enforced. I thought it was as simple as reporting the breach of order….didn’t realize that it meant that I would have to come up with fees to pay ANOTHER lawyer…..really hoping karma is real.

October 19, 2012 at 12:06 am
(20) erin says:

Just starting the divorce/custody/child support process. He cheated on me, and I left, I have the custody order that I have the kids 70%. He has his child support order, but refuses to pay it because he says he will support the kids and give them everything they need while they are with him only. He said he doesn’t have to pay for them when I have them because then he would have to support 2 households, he has a roof over their heads and pays the gas and electric and has all the furniture and the only working car, if I want those things I should have stayed. Right now I’m staying at my parents house because I don’t make enough money to get my own place, but I would be able to if he payed even some of the child support. Oh did I mention that when we were together, we received food stamps. Because was the only one working at the time, the case is in his name. When I left and moved to a different county, I did get a job, but still needed help, and I applied for food stamps, I was denied because the kids are on his case and he gets food stamps for them. He refuses to take them off his case because they would give it to me. The case worker said that they cant force him to take the kids off his case and that he should at least share the food with me…yeah he doesn’t. I’m at a loss. He thinks he knows everything and every loop hole there is. I know there are more women and men out there in this situation but I have 2 questions. 1) what can I do and how much longer do I have to wait. And 2) how are women and men in this situation supposed to do if they don’t have the wonderful family support that I. have? If I didn’t have my family helping me out with a house and taking me back and forth to work and the kids back and forth to school I regretfully say that I would probably have to go back to him because I didn’t have a choice and spend more miseraable years with a man that cheats on me.

December 10, 2012 at 3:49 am
(21) kim says:

My ex wife is the same way, however she has tried to keep me out of my daughters life since she was born. she lied to me about her being my daughter, and then after we get to court when my daughter is 5 she lets me have my visitation for 6 months before she says that I am a bad father because I have dogs and my daughter has breathing issues. ( which she never sent her meds to us) after calling DHR on us for the dogs, and the health department, which they both dropped the case because there is nothing wrong with my house. she still refuses to let me see or talk to my little girl. the last time I saw her was september of 2011. I filed the paperwork for contempt in November and still waiting to hear from the courts. my Lawyer keeps pushing but no results.

January 7, 2013 at 5:55 pm
(22) Dani says:

Left my ex in 2008 as i realised he was a serial bully and emotional abuser with serious, serious issues. Have son now aged 9. Ex has put me through it all, and continues to. My father has called it his ‘reign of terror.’ There are court orders, but he knows just how to play them and get away with breaking them or reinterpreting them to suit himself. He retains our son beyond the agreed return time over holidays, and i can do NOTHING about it unless i want to pay another solicitor. Police can do nothing, either. It sickens me beyond words that these men use the children to continue to ‘get’ at us, upset us, punish us for having left them, all under the thin guise that they actually want the child with them, or ‘father’s rights.’

I am now as i type once again unable to sleep and without my son who was supposed to be returned to me earlier this evening. my ex didnt even phone to let me know he wasnt bringing him. I sat in the carpark waiting half hour, no show. But i knew when he was five minutes late that my son wouldnt be returned.

we have no rights. our children have no rights. my son asked not to have contact increased with his father last June (CAFCASS). they did not listen. Courts did not listen.

when will things change? my life has been marred for the past 5 years. Ive had to fight like a lioness just to keep residency of my son. i’ve been dragged to family courts 7 times in five years, ive faced one false allegation after another, ive been harrassed, bullied, he’s lied to third parties like neighbours and parents of my son’s friends and school staff, and he fools everyone. everyone but me, and our son. he’s kept me in a constant state of crisis by creating one problem after another for me to go and solve, and im isolated because all these people either keep away, or believe him. IT’s madness

January 24, 2013 at 9:42 pm
(23) Pam says:

So in summary, men basically suck. lol

I’ll write my story another time but I just read yours and am convinced that … well, men suck. LOL

March 22, 2013 at 5:33 am
(24) Danielle Bliss says:

I thought I was the only one with an ex that I can now only shake my head in amazement of just how stupid he is. We’ve been divorced almost 13 years and I filed for the only increase in child support almost 2 years ago. Two lawyers who took all my money and ran later, I end up representing myself in court. He as well spent more on lawyer fees and getting fired from a job to become” self- employed”, than it would’ve cost him in support and to pay for medical. Worst of all he became a real scum when he said I was a drug addict and wanted custody. WTF!!!!!! This coming from a man who in 3 years I can count on two hands how much he has seen his son. It got my attention because there is no way in h#ll he is taking our son. Well he didn’t end up paying a penny more in support, or post minority support, nor did he want to pay his half of the medical.I got my son which was most important and an award for medical. It has been once again my ex giving the court his middle finger, because yeasterday was the limit on time he had to pay medical and who has to go inform someone about it? Me of course. Back to the courthouse I go to ask someone what I do now because frankly I am tired and don’t know. I believe in karma , but after what he has done, it would feel real good if for once the court did there job and made him follow the order. Worse, he lives 10 min from us and has been re married and has a 6 and 2 year old with this wife! God knows what you’ve done and one day you will pay for that at his hands. I guarantee it.

May 6, 2013 at 2:40 pm
(25) hosedinhoseville says:

He is not complying with the provisional order that states he is to be out of the house by 6am. Terms he agreed to. His attorney’s suggestion. I fear he is an NPD – narcissistic personality disorder. And a couple more maybe.
He is also conveniently unemployed (construction). Cannot pay spousal support. Has hidden quite a bit of assets. Threatens to take one of my pets (which he has stated he does not/or has never wanted.

Lied under oath during deposition. He claims to have not known about a credit app I signed his name to. I was instructed to sign by him. Also his checks I signed, put into bank, paid bills, etc. The card was run up due to his unemployment and I knew we would split the bill. He claims I forged his name, which is a lie.

I don’t believe any assets will ever come my way for he cannot be forced. Keep taking back to court? That takes money!

Good luck to all and positive energy to you during this most awful time in your lives.

June 26, 2013 at 6:44 pm
(26) Marcus says:

I am a father who was the nurturer to my children. I made sure their medical visits were taken care of as well as dental. I gave the mom hav
Of of the daycare expenses and I would give her half of what she spent on the kids for b-days and I always supported anything my kids did in school. I took my kids every other day so she could do things she needed. And now since her new man, she wants child support that’s breaking me and she was supposed to give me a medical card and she hasnt. It’s two months late. Seeing that I DO pay, what can be done about making her hold up her end of the divorce decree?

August 23, 2013 at 10:16 am
(27) Katie says:

When I went to a court appointed mediator, I told her that my ex lies in his documents (this could be easily proven), and that he blatantly ignores court orders. She said “Judges don’t care. No one follows the orders so get over it”. VERBATIM. Brampton Court.

August 31, 2013 at 8:20 pm
(28) Durazzi says:

What can I do if my Ex, defies the court order. I was awarded some property but he wont answer my calls. or emails. Help!

December 16, 2013 at 8:41 pm
(29) Rod says:

My ex wife has put me through hell with seeing my children and I’ve always been a good father to my kids. No offense to the women on this panel, but I am far from sympathetic to your stories that you’ve posted. I agree there are deadbeat fathers out there but the same applies to mothers also. In my opinion, it’s much harder for fathers who try to be involved with their kids after a divorce when dealing with a vindictive mother than any other scenario I’ve read. Firstly, the family law courts are biased towards fathers which makes it much harder for fathers to gain custody even if it is in the best interest of the children. Secondly, society in general makes women look like the victim all the time and until this changes, fathers good or bad will be looked at as the insignificant parent. So much for equality.

February 18, 2014 at 3:11 pm
(30) Tami says:

Well I was never married to my ex. We have been seperated for 11 years now and we have a 13 year old daughter. Three years ago now, his child support was increased because he had a steady job and was making more money. He threatened me saying that if his child support was increased, then he would file for full custody so that I would have to pay him child support….and after it was increased, he kept true to his threat and filed for custody. After 2 years of court(he is very persistant) he ran out of money for his attorney and gave up on the custody case. During those 2 years, he because very controlling of our daughter when he had her for visitation because he wanted her to “see his point of view” He would constantly make her feel guilty for living with me instead of him to the point where he has single handedly ruined their relationship and she doesn’t even feel comfortable being around him any more. It is very sad. After he gave up the custody case, he started not taking her for some of his visitation…which eventually lead to him not getting her at all for 4 months. During this time, he never even tried to call or text our daughter. Then one day last month, I get court papers saying that he wants to modify visitation. Really? In court now, he is saying that I am keeping him getting his daughter for visitation, even though he doesn’t come to get her or call at all! It really makes no sense! I just want him to either be a dad, or don’t, just grow up and quit with the nonsense…especially since he is just hurting our daughter more and more by playing these games! Like I said, we have been seperated for 11 years, get over it and quit with all of the anger and resentment and do what’s best for the child and not yourself!

February 19, 2014 at 3:25 pm
(31) Kelsey says:

Its in our decree since my ex likes to live with different women but he stays with his mom in the time being.. I know great guy. But can I walk into his parents house and make sure my son has his own bed and room or have someone do that I just want to make sure my son hasn’t been sleeping on a couch sunce he is only 3 and has back problems?

February 27, 2014 at 11:47 am
(32) Susan kerr says:

I lost my REAL husband to an accident & it shattered our lives. I “temporarily” married a boy 12 yrs younger than I. Ididn’t see what was right in front of me, we moved from the home, that when I went back to work 4 yrs after having our 2 boys, the ck I got went pretty much just to house pymts & then 4 or 5 montths of princible so at his death we only had 5000 to pay off the “temp” got me to move where my kids & I knew no one so he had total control of everything got half the value of my old house cuz we just needed to lose the hassel of dealing with the person buying Iit. he talked men Iinto ordering a new truck & getting me to put his name on before we married. he also worked a car dealership for a short time, but talked meinto buying a car from rivials. everything was a red flag but when you have prince charming ripped from yr life Iits very easy for a conperson to comfort a widow or widower. in the end I only asked for personal items back like the saga genisis the was my husbands and mine & his name off the truck & to pay for the car he took . the only thing that was done was name off truck. please ddon’t judge a friend or loved one that goes through a tragic event like this, but help them & watch they’re backs. he had me so snowed but not others in the family but when going through the loss & shock we don’t always make the right choices

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