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Cathy Meyer

"Letting Go" After Divorce

By November 4, 2011

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Divorce is an emotional journey. If you find yourself the recipient of an unwanted divorce you may feel shocked by your spouse's desire to leave the marriage. Shock can lead to denial and feelings of numbness.

Maybe you are someone who has filed for divorce because of the anger you feel over what seem to be insurmountable marital problems. Or, you could be someone whose spouse has broken your heart due to an affair. Maybe your prominent emotion is the unbearable pain that comes with a loss of trust.

Whether you are the one wanting a divorce or the one left behind, you are feeling something. Be it shock, anger, fear, rejection, grief, relief or joy divorce brings up feelings we have to deal with before we can move on.

Will you deal with those emotions in a productive, pro-active manner?

Comments
November 14, 2011 at 8:02 pm
(1) Ms. Jay says:

I have chosen “to take the high road” in my divorce proceedings. After 22 years of marriage, and the discovery of my “estranged husband’s 2nd affair”, I filed for a divorce. I’ve gotten past the shock and the anger, and I’ve put our teenage daughter’s well-being first and foremost. My husband is divorcing me, not his daughter. He will always have full access to his child, I have no rights to keep him from her. He’s a lousy husband but a great dad!

I’ve also forgiven him and realize that his constant cheating is a symptom of some much deeper issues. He needs to seek professional counseling. I will always care about him and will lend a hand whenever possible. I will not blame “my future Significant Other” for my former husband’s deeds. He shouldn’t have to pay for an ex-husband’s mistakes. I am excited about my future, and I cherish the “good times” me, my ex-husband and our daughter shared in the past. I wish him “God’s Sped”.

November 14, 2011 at 8:07 pm
(2) kay says:

Just starting ‘process’ of divorce. Emotions on roller coaster every day, constantly changing. The question – deal with emotions in a productive, pro-active manner? I hope I will. I guess ‘productive’ would mean making changes? Going forward, instead of backwards? Pro-Active – does that mean making sure I’m getting what I want out of the setttlement? Ready to past this ‘process’ and getting on with my life, and not having ‘someone doesn’t want to be married to me anymore’ defining my life.

November 15, 2011 at 3:09 pm
(3) Tired of trying says:

It’s been three months since my husband choose his “family” over ours. I have been accused of alienating him from his family, being the cause of our money problems, causing him to return to using drugs, and “hiding” things from him.
Seems to me it’s the other way around. I came close to giving up my own parents for his sake. I am so tired of defending his lack of motivation and making excuses for his inability to hold down even the simplest job. To quote my father, he could not work in a pie shop if the pay was free pies. This man who I have been in love with for the last 20 years has broken my heart and I doubt that I will ever forgive him for it.

November 17, 2011 at 6:52 am
(4) Time to be free says:

I thought I had let go of most of my feelings towards my cheating ex-wife, but it seems that she still has a hold over me. I dont yet recognize exactly what that hold is, but I have been told by two separate people in the past 2 weeks that I have to move on, it’s been 2 years. I don’t know how to get past this. I have gotten over the anger and the shock, but there is still something lurking in the background.

November 18, 2011 at 4:42 pm
(5) Steven Berns says:

My wife of thirty years told me she wanted a divorce because I am making less then her.When I was making more then her eveything was ok We are both in our fifties. She has a sister who is free and clear and I believe is getting advice from. I am in the revenge mode and going to ask for spousal support and to pay my fees,ETC.
My lawyer one of super ten in NJ is going to file for max amount of support and her pension plan a at 50 percent.
I believe my wife thinks it is going to greener on the side. Will she be in shock when I hit her with this. I think it will put her on the road to financial ruin.

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