I hear a lot about how the courts are biased in favor of mothers when it comes to deciding child custody. After doing a bit of research on the subject I've come to the conclusion that the courts are not the reason mothers get custody in the majority of divorces.
Below are a few stats from a Pew Research Center analysis of the National Survey of Family Growth (NSFG) released in June of 2011.
Married Fathers:
A married father spends, on average 6.5 hours a week taking part in primary child care activities with his children. The married mother spends, on average 12.9 hours. Since two income households are now the norm, not the exception the above information indicates that not only are mothers working they are also doing twice as much child care as fathers.
It only makes sense that mothers who have a closer bond due to the time spent caring for a child be the one more likely to obtain custody during a divorce.
Divorced or Unwed Fathers:
More startling are the stats on absent fathers, or the amount of time fathers spend with children once the divorce is final. According to the Pew Research study, when fathers and children live separately 22% of fathers see their children more than once a week. Twenty nine percent of fathers see their children 1-4 times a month. The most disturbing though, 27% of fathers have no contact with their children.
When you take into consideration that mothers spend more time taking care of children before divorce and only 22% of fathers take advantage of spending what I would consider quality and qauntative time with their children after the divorce the fact that more mothers obtain custody seems reasonable...doesn't it?
How Custody is Decided:
According to DivorcePeers.com the majority of child custody cases are not decided by the courts. In 51% of the cases both parents agreed that mom be the custodial parent. In 29% of the cases the decision was made without any third party involvement. Only 11% of custody cases were decided during mediation with as few as 5% being decided after court order custody evaluations.
In cases where both parents decided, without involvement from a mediator or the court 83% of the time the mother ended up with custody because the father chose to give her custody. What do these statistics tell us?
1. Fathers are less involved in their children's care during the marriage.
2. Fathers are less involved in their children's lives after divorce.
3. Mothers gain custody because the vast majority of fathers choose to give the mother custody.
4. There is no Family Court bias in favor of mothers for the majority of fathers who divorce.
Cathy,
This is one of the best summaries of the facts about custody I’ve ever read. Thanks for being succinct, accurate, and comprehensive. There is so much emotion in a custody dispute and the facts might ameliorate the negativity and help care-giving parents make their strongest stand.
The family court in Hayward, CA gave my ex physical custody. My joint legal custody was … well, pretty much useless. Did the family court give me a chance to ask for physical custody? Nope.
Nationwide stats are one thing, individual divorces are … well, individual. My ex wife took my son with no discussion, kept him from bringing his homework with me, and was as obstreperous as possible about the bi-weekly weekends. She took him to Florida during my custodial weekend. He was the classic divorce football. There are a lot more negative anecdotes I could spin.
He’s now 19. He and I get along great. I’m not sure he’ll outgrow the family style he’s learned from his mother, but I’m hoping to begin with some nutritional education. (He’s overweight from too much McFood and living on snacks instead of meals.)
Lastly, without trying to be too smarmy or snarky, I recall that Samuel Clemens had a quote about statistics: There are lies, damned lies and then there are statistics.
In spite of not agreeing with this piece, I think you have a great site and you do something useful for many folks, even me. I was a new member just before you took over. I like your style and the content, even if I disagree occasionally. … Be well!!!
There is no disputing the facts of numbered research. Fathers love their children and all the little things are taken away in one custody order. When dads come home from work, and the little things like sitting and reading to the children means a lot. 1 hour per night totals 7 hours on its own. The Weekend ball games, hockey games and watching football on TV the Cub Scouts, working on the pinewood derby cars together for weeks at a time do not matter. Teaching them how to catch and Riding bikes and hiking I guess those activities do not matter after a divorce. Who were this fathers survived, a lot of father can be beaten down by the court system, and surrender. The only ones who are hurt by this are the children. I read an article by Cathy Meyer stating try to keep the children activities as normal as possible. But when dad takes them to the parade on thanksgiving and now he can’t because it is not his visitation time and there is no compromise. That is an issue. I’ve seen great dads denied these simple activities. As a fill-in they will take another woman’s children a do this things not sure if he is in love with that woman but he loves being a dad and watching children grow. Men need their children also, and we do hurt. But we are now allowed to show it.
Ex- manipulates teenage girl wih using his car, allowing her to get tattoos and belly-button pierce. He’s pimping his own daughter and she thinks it’s ok. What do you think the NC family court will do? Give him custody or do they care. Ex didn’t teach 23 year old son how to use birth control and now he’s a father of three with no real job skills and lives off the government. What can this man teach a girl child?
93% of the mothers commit custodial interference. I agree with Rich and Carl.
Lastly, without trying to be too smarmy or snarky, I recall that Samuel Clemens had a quote about statistics: There are lies, damned lies and then there are statistics. great quote Rich
Wow Toni he sounds like an _____hole.
It is amazing though generalization is used more in the courts then any thinking. Also if you ever been in those moderation the court goes against the father more likely.
The most disturbing though, 27% of fathers have no contact with their children. Is that the father’s choice? Or the mothers using the kids as pawns. My ex-wife did it for 6 months before I had the courts intervene.
There is a HUGE gender bias in family court. What your statistics fail to mention above is that the family court system gets conditioned by seeing so many fathers which don’t take full advantage of their custody that often times fathers who really do take full advantage of their custody will get lumped in with those uninvolved dads. What your statistics say above is that 1 out of 4 fathers are involved with their kids. How would you like to be that one father out of four? When that father walks into family court, there were three other fathers who were uninvolved. That one involved father has a HUGE stereotype to defeat. The family court system is often overcrowded and trying to process several cases. It is all too easy for family court services and judges to just go with the stereotype and rubber stamp a ruling which is HUGELY unfair to that one involved father. Now mix into this equation a skillful lawyer and a very financially motivated or scorned ex wife (more custody equals more financial support) and you will find that that one involved father really has the deck stacked against him. You couldn’t be more wrong. Family Court has a HUGE gender bias. The statastics don’t tell the whole story. In fact they only help make that uphill battle for fairness even harder for that one involved father.
Toni
Imagine if your ex was a loving father who teaches his children right from wrong bought your daughter a car so that she could go to college that he had paid in full. And now imagine the difference if that father was denied simple visitation with his children when they were 8, 9 or 10 years old. Now imagine how that would affect him. Not knowing what his children likes and dislikes all he can do is do what they ask.
Huge Bias – You Bet! Just talk to a divorce atty. Mine basically said unless you can prove your children are in imminent harm there is no sense in fighting for primary custody. A psych examination will cost at least $30,000 and even if she is not good mentally you really need to show the potential for harm.
During my marriage I cleaned, cooked, and shopped even after working 50+ hours a week while my x did nothing. No one cares. It is a process and as a man the divorce system expects the least of you. Maybe they can’t examine each individual case, but they should. Frankly a lot of men who have children suck as fathers so I can see where the system has a bias, but no different than the workplace, military, etc. men should be given a fair chance if they are capable. The world has changed a lot in the last 30 years. Because I didn’t give birth is still not enough reason to almost always give primary custody to the woman.
All men are not created equal. I was highly involved in my children’s lives because my ex wanted to build her business. She did and decided to leave. In my experience, the judge (female) had the audacity to tell me, “You can pick-up the children at 1 p.m. instead of 9 a.m., so you can get more sleep.” Mind you, I’ve worked graveyard for years, have an impeccable work record and was the one primarily bounding out of bed at night (on days off) to meet my daughter’s needs. Then the judge (female) decided to overturn a previous judge’s (male) decision and say, “You can’t have day ‘x’ because there is this outstanding CPS issue, which I filed against my ex.” Later when the matter was resolved, I was still denied the time with my daughters. Now my ex prefers to call a babysitter rather than me.
There are fathers who will go through hell and back for their children, and when those of us are faced with bias, we can do nothing, like women who hit the glass ceiling in the workplace. So, what did I do to cope? I’m pursuing an advanced degree with the time I would have gladly given to my daughters. I’m just waiting for the time they can decide for themselves where they want to spend some more time and the court will listen. Until then, I take every opportunity to lay the foundation for our better future when I can resume what has been unfairly taken away.
I was horrified when I read this article… Every guy on this post states what every loving, caring father faces due to these statistics and the unfair judgements that we face due to them.
George specifically calls into question the stats vs. fathers. The uphill battle that men face from the start, no matter how much they love, care or support their children doesn’t matter because the other “75%” of men statistically don’t give a damn.
I began searching for legal council before my son was born because I knew that she was going to fight me for every minute of time that I could spend with him. “I” filed the first petition for full custody and expanded on many reasons that I was a more stable parent for my son; psychological, financial, secure, etc. Yet because I was “unwed” and male, I was deemed less of a parent. You can’t tell me that a psychologically unstable, unemployed woman living in her mother’s basement is more capable than a corporate manager and professional with his own home.
I constantly fight against her assertions that “other people in these situations”… blah Men are always compared and categorized into the “normal” parenting time which unfortunately means we must accept the standard judgements of fathers less involved.
I love my son and would do anything for him. I also understand that his mother loves him and don’t want to disrupt his development by removing her from his life. Comparing parent to parent however, there should be no question.
Yet… because we are male, we lose.
(study the statistics of fathers that receive primary custody and why, that would be much more interesting and beneficial social study. Very few men receive full custody compared to women. I’m sure you will find that 90% of these instances are because the mothers are removed in some method. This would prove that courts are truly biased!)
I am a woman and I know that these statisics are not accurrate. It’s just another attempt at the nonsense that women are better equipped to raisr children. There are far too many men kept out of their children’s lives by our corrupt judicial system. Many men hust don’t believe they have a chance due to their gender. It’s sad and a way for local governments to make money off of broken families.