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Cathy Meyer

Rewriting Alimony Laws

By March 5, 2012

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Florida lawmakers and advocacy groups are pushing to overhaul the state's alimony law in a bid to better reflect today's marriages and make the system less burdensome for the alimony payer. Last year Massachusetts rewrote alimony laws in an attempt to make them more "equitable."

In Connecticut, Arkansas, Oregon, West Virginia and a few other states, men's groups are calling for reform of alimony laws based on stories of the hardships caused for men who are ordered to pay lifetime alimony. I'm all for fair but want to take this opportunity to say, "hold on a minute."

Broad sweeping change to alimony laws will do the same thing for divorce that no-fault divorce laws did. It will only make it easier for a spouse to leave a long-term marriage without fear of repurcussions.

"For every guy, there is a wife or former wife who got the short end of the stick," Mr. Manz said. "Look at the standard of living of most people in a long-term marriage: divorced men's standard of living goes up, and the women's goes down. That happens every day. We are not in favor of disenfranchising someone who has given up her career," he added. "What you are hearing about is a very vocal, persuasive minority" says David L. Manz, the chairman of the Florida Bar Family Law Section.

I've always been of the opinion that if the higher earning spouse chooses to leave the marriage that spouse has a financial responsibility to the person he/she is leaving behind. For me this is not a gender issue, it isn't about men paying women, it is about a spouse being held responsible when leaving a long-term marriage and a spouse with low earning potential regardless of gender.

I often hear about how "easy" it is for women to be awarded large sums of alimony after divorce. As a woman who is divorced and not by choice I wish I had known it was so "easy." Evidently my attorney didn't do her job because I didn't walk away from a long-term marriage with alimony of any sort and even if I had pushed the issue would not have received even close to permanent alimony.

By rewriting alimony laws due to the whining of a "pursuasive minority" these legislators are not only endangering the futures of women who are left but of men who have chosen to promote their wive's career instead of their own. There are fathers who are stay-at-home dads. There are fathers who earn lower incomes than their wives who will also suffer the consequences of these new alimony laws.

Today's marriages are different and any law related to divorce should not be "one size fits all." Divorce laws should take into consideration the needs of the individuals in each individual case. As it is, a man or woman can leave a marriage, have an affair, be jailed for domestic abuse, gamble away a couples savings and none of the behavior is taken into consideration during the divorce.

Take away the financial insentive for a spouse to reconsider bad behavior and abandoning a spouse and you are promoting further decay of our societies morals.



Comments
March 11, 2012 at 9:19 am
(1) Dana Davis says:

You quote Mr. Manz? He is heading up the organization that represents the Legal community. They make multi million dollars off of the families of divorce in Florida. In fact their lobby firm is partly owned by Senator Miguel Diaz de la Portilla. He supposedly was supporting the cause of making alimony laws fair. He railroaded the cause when the subject was brought up with the Senate. This was after it passed in the house. This is legalized mob activity. Not just a conflict of interest but should be criminal. Why was he afraid for it to go up for a vote? Because, alimony may have become fairer in Florida and then litigations would plummet. I hope the rest of the country finds out how Florida does business. These are not just economic crimes it is costing people their lives. I know around here I lock up any major meds in our house and hide the safe key for the night. Well maybe he should be hiding them from me. It is a hopeless situation. We donít even get a vote! We donít live in Florida and these crooks get to destroy our lives. Shame on you Cathy Meyer! You will not be forgotten.

March 11, 2012 at 9:45 am
(2) Terry Power says:

Wow! Pandering much to your source of revenue here, Ms. Meyer? As a “certified divorce coach” (whatever that means) you’re as much a part of the “system” here in Florida as the crooks in the Florida Bar Family Law division. If strict guidelines were put in place that says “here’s what happens in Florida when two people get divorced”, you’d be out of a job. “Judicial Discretion” = “Lots of Legal Fees for attorneys”….and probably for “Certified Divorce Coaches”, I imagine. Who “certifies” you? The Florida Bar? You’re just another leach in a broken system that, according to current statistics, will impact 50% of all adults in Florida at one time or another. States across the country are recognizing the need to change the laws (google Massachusetts Alimony Reform or NJ or Oregon or many other states). People who have a VESTED FINANCIAL INTEREST in keeping things just they way they are will write articles just like Ms. Meyer. For the record, I don’t pay any alimony to anyone. But these laws are horrendous and destroy people and they need to be changed.

March 11, 2012 at 8:21 pm
(3) Dee Dee Trott says:

I think this whole Alimony thing is ridiculous. I am a woman who is 46 years old and I would NEVER ever expect LIFETIME alimony. I was married for 17 years when my husband cheated on me with many women but not once did it cross my mind to use him for lifetime alimony. This is disgraceful what this world has come to. So in order to divorce a partner, whether you are man or woman no matter what the reason you are allowing the scorned vindictive spouse to seek LIFETIME ALIMONY. Are you kidding me??? I am all game for a boost depending on the situation. But for another spouse to LIVE off their partner that wanted out of their marriage for whatever reason does not and should not entitle them to lifetime alimony. NO WAY. We were born to parents who worked their butts off to get us straight and for us to make a life for ourselves, not to seek out other human beings to use and live off for the rest of our lives. Heck the economy is changing people. Do you not read the same newspaper I do, do you not watch the same news stations I do. We are in debt here. How can a scorned vindictive man OR woman expect to live off their partner that fell out of love with them. So what if you don’t want to work, so what if you lived a lavish lifestyle, so what if you are so scorned all you can think about is payback. What you really need to do is get right with GOD and ask for forgiveness for your greedy vindictive ways and stop giving all your hard earned money to these crooks(attorneys) who will stop at nothing to blow in your last dime. I have lived in hell with a boyfriend who’s wife will not divorce him now going on 5 years plus because she expects to be taking care of for lifetime. Never going to happen. Money is gone and both spouses are in debt that they may never get out of all because of a scorned vindictive spouse and greedy attorneys who think nothing of using every last cent these people have.

March 12, 2012 at 8:24 am
(4) rmiller says:

The Family Bar keeps focusing on the men leaving a long term marriage. I find this very funny. I know many women who have walked out on a good marriage after they have had enough time vested in the marriage to get alimony, retirement, child support. Men love the security of their wife and family. The Greeks have an old saying the man stays with the money, meaning he is not leaving his wife. It’s all about the greed of the attorney and The Family Bar. I have also heard the NOW group saying the older man leaving for a younger woman. I find this amusing too. What younger, attractive woman would want an old man unless he had a lot of money (Iím talking millions). The men I have interviewed make middle to less than middle class salaries. The Bar might be watching too many Hugh Hefner shows. I would expect this comment from the head of the Bar, his age group lives in the Father knows Best Era. The now generation are educated women. They have equal opportunities. New laws with guide lines and time limits would hurt attorneys financially because we would have less litigation. In certain situations alimony should be the law, but time limits can give someone the opportunity for education. If the man who is paying alimony has to work doesn’t it make sense the women would have to work too! Both life styles change. I find this insulting to women. The Florida Bar says women are entitled to Alimony for the rest of their life just because they once said I Do. We do not need another Welfare System. Why does the Bar feel itís the Law to take the second wifeís salary? The second wife usually doesn’t even know the first wife much less feel the need to support her. Most second wives have children or elderly parents to support. They need to know. Your salary will be taken to support the old wife. Isnít DAVID L MANZ PART OF THE FLORIDA BAR? Get your pocket book ready to support the Florida Family Bar. Too!

March 12, 2012 at 10:05 am
(5) cheryl hoot says:

Ms Myer, Do you think if you continuously lie about alimony it will become the truth??? Why dont you tell the people what is REALLy happening in this day and age??? The recipient is not some pitiful welfare victim!! They are usually living at a higher standard than the person paying them, they are shacking up rather than remarrying and sitting on a beach somewhere drinking a pina coloda…laughing all the way to the bank….much like the you and the Florida Bar! the greed and corruption surrounded by this issue will be exposed as we shout from the rooftops about this state of SLAVERY!!!!!
The government SHOULD NOT have the right to interfere with divorce matters!!! Your comment “It will only make it easier for a spouse to leave a long-term marriage without fear of repurcussions” is repulsive!!! People should be PUNISHED for divorcing??? It is these kind of attitudes that we will expose and make the people in this state see the truth about! FLORIDIANS…WAKE UP!!!!!!!! Your corrupt law makers are just lurking around the corner waiting to STICK IT TO YOU!!!!!!!!

March 12, 2012 at 10:12 am
(6) Don Jennings says:

My ex had an affair with my twin brother and ever since the divorce her new boyfriend moved in and he has lived with her for 12 years and I am paying lifetime alimony. Florida laws are bullshit that is why I moved back to Columbus Ohio. You will never see me back in Florida even though my daughter and my 3 grandchildren live there. The state of Florida makes me sick to my stomach.

March 12, 2012 at 10:59 am
(7) Bea, says:

Same old story about men leaving their wives for a younger woman. There are many men who stay in a marriage for the sake of the children and there are many women who leave a marriage because they “don’t want to be married any more”. These are the women who know that there is an alimony check waiting at the other end. Permanent alimony is nothing more than indentured servitude and the NOW org ought to be against it as more women are being caught in the alimony trap. States like Florida and NJ are just out to rake in the federal dollars and people like Ms Meyer and Mr Manz are out to keep the staus quo. Changes might hurt their income. It’s the 21st century and women should not be playing the victims, Ms Meyer!

March 12, 2012 at 12:02 pm
(8) Dan says:

Permanent lifetime alimony is “Slavery”, which is “involuntary servitude”.. It is clearly against the Constitution of the United States of America. Further, Divorce should not be “punishment” for a failed marriage.

The 13th Amendment to the Constitution: Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.

Yet, the government bows to the Bar.

March 12, 2012 at 1:34 pm
(9) Dennis says:

In no other civil law we do we make only one party guilty and sentence them to life of servitude just because they have more wealth or have the ambition to make more than the other. Present alimony laws do just that! If the ex stayed at home during the marriage, did you think that may have been her choice and hers only? If she failed to learn or advance her employable knowledge/skills even to the point of learning how to use the computer at home is her choice? Do you think that just maybe both parties had an equal role in raising the children? Do you think that some women just look a marriage as an endless checkbook and a nice house/car to drive? Yes some men leave a marriage after the children are grown to experience a good/real marriage that they didnít have with their ex. That should not be a lifetime punishment for only one, as it takes two to have a good marriage. Is it fair, after all assets are divided equal, although usually more than half goes to the ex,and the payee works two jobs just to recoup his losses that he is then penalized even more in higher alimony payments because of that? This even occurs after the ex finally goes to work with full benefits. Face it, there are some people whose only ambition is to live off another personís labor, you see it every day. Permanent alimony rewards these people and destroys the incentive of the productive person. No other law awards a person lifetime support just because they shared a house and denies the payer the right to retire because of the financial burden placed on them. No other person but an alimony payer has his entire life controlled by a court decision based on antiquated laws. Criminals enjoy better treatment under the present laws. Keep the Divorce Lawyers out of making Alimony Laws and preventing fair changes to occur just to line their pockets.

March 12, 2012 at 1:59 pm
(10) guest says:

Most of what is written in these first 7 comments proves beyond a doubt just how much society has changed and become so OK with the break down and destruction of the FAMILY UNIT. These are the arguments I hear all the time. It supports divorce and the destruction of American families and American life. Even the so called president has announced to the world that we are no longer a Christian nation. This nation was built on Christianity and our laws were based from the Bible. Now everything good is bad and what’s wrong is right. A promise is a promise and a vow a vow, a commitment a commitment. That DOES mean forever. It does NOT mean until you get tired of it or wish for something new or want different bed partners or do not want children after they are brought into this world (at least not full time). People need to be held to responsibilities they willfully whole heartedly entered into. It IS fair and it IS right to have financial consequences for breaking your marriage vows and responsibility as a parent to remain a whole family unit for at least the duration till all the children are grown and on their own. Children depend on you as a parent to hold things together. YOU have choices that THEY do not. If someone breaks up their own family by divorcing then they SHOULD have to pay alimony to the other and child support for the children among other things. But the one divorcing should NOT collect a dime from the spouse no matter how much more they make. The behavior should have serious consequences as it is a very serious matter. The consequences should not be rewards!

March 12, 2012 at 4:10 pm
(11) Melinda Bogart says:

WOW! There sure is alot of anger and righteous indignation in these comments which tells me Cathy hit a nerve with this column.As a woman whose husband left after 24 years and 2 kids and a whole lifetime of meshing families and memories,I can honestly say that while it’s not ideal to be in a position of needing his financial support, it is necessary…not vindictive or unforgiving or any of the other horrible things that have been said here.I don’t know how I feel about receiving alimony for a lifetime but there has to be time given for getting on one’s feet,getting kids through school,figuring out a direction to go here in midlife,getting caught up on my own education if needed.These things take time.Should I have to raise my kids on welfare,move us all to a tiny apartment because of a selfish decision made by my spouse?Why should the victim keep paying for the selfish decisions of another?Shall we stick with what is “fair”?Since I supported him for 24 years,worked while he went to school and stayed home when our kids were growing up,perhaps he could do the same for me.Is that “slavery” or is that the contract he made when he married?LIfetime alimony is certainly rewarded in a minority of cases at the judges discretion.Of all the divorced couples you personally know,how many have lifetime alimony? I know of none.And how many are women raising their kids alone on one third to one half the salary?Quite a few.

March 12, 2012 at 4:13 pm
(12) Upsidedownjustice says:

You are talking out of both sides of your mouth Cathy Meyer.

You claim that the threat of alimony will keep someone from bailing on a marriage and fail to recognize that it enables the low income spouse.. The current laws in NJ encourage such behavior because it provides a financial incentive to divorce and take off with a new lover. They get lifetime of free money.

I find your use of stereotypes deplorable.

Join http://njalimonyreform.org/ and help stop the unfair alimony laws, and rile up Cathy Meyer.

March 12, 2012 at 5:39 pm
(13) Enslaved says:

alimony=slavery. No person has the right to live off the labor of another. If one spouse is “disadvantaged” then give that spouse a larger share of the marital estate. Alimony should not reformed, it should be abolished.
How “fair” do you think it is that one party is forced to continue the marriage but the other party walks away a free person?

March 12, 2012 at 6:53 pm
(14) sephyia rannow says:

I am in that posistion left my home of 30 some years in 2005 as of feb 3rd 2012 i finally got to court and he has retired and now i cannot even get the spousal support he still owes me 3000 dollars and he has his pension stock etc and i cannot afford to fight nomore is it worth it it destroys familys and morals all that is decent. Let the charater of a man shine through get sick just trade them in for a new model. God help our states and country. We have lost all our values and morals and if you have nothing they still want that. I might be disabled but looks like i will be moving back into my car again as i have 1 time before .WHO CARES not even your aduut kids cause dad has money SAD

March 12, 2012 at 7:01 pm
(15) Nannette says:

That’s an interesting slant on Alimony. What about a case involving a 2nd marriage for the wife who has a college degree (4 year teaching)and a first marriage for the man having no college degree who have no children and SHE sues for divorce receives lifetime payments from a man 41 years old. From a high of $3200 per month to a current $1350 per month forever. This is for real we have been living with this for 8 years with no future in sight. Oh and by the way the man got no house,no car, no furnishing,no cash and just some of his clothes and ALL the debt including both sides of a 2 1/2 year divorce. I was lucky to be blessed with children and love then dearly but if they sued me at age 18 for Alimony and said I owed them forever because I gave birth to them and fed and housed them I would say thier nuts; why should a spose be any different.

March 12, 2012 at 9:10 pm
(16) rmiller says:

To Ms. Bogart, my husband pays lifetime alimony, and was only married for 10 years, over $1,000.00 a month alimony plus child support, clothing,childcare, insurance, and etc, continuing until they finished college, and 1/2 college expenses. She will receive part of his retirement. At the time of divorce that she filed, he was left with $32.00 every two weeks. He was forced to find a second job making his work week 80 hours. He was forced to leave the home taking two other kids with him . His ex-wife had custody of their two younger children .Yes, I to agree the ex-wife may need time to go back to college and find a job. In my husband case his wife had a college degree in nursing. We are only asking for equal rights for both spouses, time limits, and that the second wife’s salary cannot be used to increase Alimony. Ms. Bogart, hundreds of men pay life time Alimony. . This is why the Florida Alimony Reform was established. I wish the best for you.

March 13, 2012 at 9:38 am
(17) KARL says:

BS- 2 time limit on marriages!

2 times..all you get..

I am a man and I support maintenance..BIG TIME

March 13, 2012 at 10:12 am
(18) Kevin says:

The problem is the bias in all of these comments. My wife left me for another man and I have to pay her for life. She broke her vow and I am punished for life.

Also, the payee’s are working the system. If they were required to get a job, advance their career, then the system would work. Instead, they are told never to work to get more alimony.

Also, the payee’s are working the system. If they were required to get married in stead of shacking up, the system would work. Instead, they are told never to marry again so they can be supported by two people.

Also, the payee’s are receiving money like the marriage but where is what I received? Cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc? Why is it one way and not the other?

The real problem is the judical system and the fact that the judges have great leeway to do whatever they want and the appeallate court “per cuium” just fortifies that position. The lawyers always receive more and more and that keeps the judicial system in business. in 2010 there were 90,000 divorces filed and 94,000 alimony modifications filed. Why would you want that to change except to punish the lawyers.

The problem is I can never get ahead or decide with my future. If I was still married I could quit my job tomorrow. If I do that after divorce, I go to jail. Where is my freedom?

March 13, 2012 at 3:49 pm
(19) involuntary says:

Mr. Manz is a lawyer and knows all too well that this is a game about money….nothing more than adjudicated theft. It is indeed high time that the divorce laws, many of which were passed many years ago when women were homemakers, are in desperate need of reform. Mr. Manz is in favor of the status quo and would maintain his pandering position in order to keep things the way they are no matter how unjust. LIFETIME ALIMONY is just another example of legal system abuse and is indeed a travesty and nothing more than involuntary servitude.
It seems that Ms. Meyer’s comments are much more disturbing. Someone needs to tell her that women work, and they file for divorce. It is now common for a woman to work in almost any occupation she chooses. Ms. Meyer, I thank God that you are only a liberal feminist writer and not a divorce lawyer or divorce judge!

March 29, 2012 at 9:49 pm
(20) AnotherCriminalizedSpouse says:

The family law attorneys of the Florida Bar are not about to lose their gravy train without a fight. Nothing like pandering to the masses with promises of entitlement. What happened to liberty? Many good men are living in cars and homeless shelters for fear of jail or driven to violent crime simply because they fell in love with a greedy woman years ago and made the mistake of moving to Florida.

April 19, 2012 at 5:39 pm
(21) kATHI BENDER says:

I am sympathetic to anyone who has been victim of a failed marriage due to infidelity. The divorce statutes however, tells us that this is to be ignored. The only thing left is the vengence of money from the higher earning spouse. The greed corrupts the mind and even when you know the ex partner is unable to meet alimony demands; they want what is due them. The rulings of the court tell us it’s ok to do this and as a matter of fact, will back you on it. Protecting someone from a life of lesser income is enabling them to continued dependency. It is like telling someone on welfare, it’s ok. We will pay you for the rest of your life to remain in an unemployed and dependent state with someone else’s cashflow. If you married your partner for their money and you divorce them because you know you can keep one hand in their pocket, is that at all fair logic? Alimony reform will not endanger a single parent or children any more horribly than divorce does now. If an ex is a deadbeat, there is no reform or law in this nation that will change them.

April 27, 2012 at 2:03 pm
(22) cheryl says:

One of my employees is divorcing her husband of 7 years. She supported him through most of the marriage because he was lazy and wouldn’t find a job and stayed doped up all the time. Her attorney told her that if she divorces him she will be required to continue to support her lazy doped up husband by paying him alimony. Is this right? Where is this fair. The reason she is leaving him is because she was tired of supporting his lazy….

July 24, 2012 at 4:48 pm
(23) lisa says:

Alimony should be repealed and these blood sucking women too lazy to work and get off their bonbon eating rear ends. I am sick to death hearing and experiencing the Idiots in power especially in the state of WV giving women over half a mans salary and then not placing a time frame. These women are being enabled by a court system that is antiquated and ridiculous. I have been divorced 3 times and i am proud to say that i never once entertained the idea of alimony and would never take it. You come in this world alone and by God you can make it on your own. I feel that continuing this practice is absolutely the most heinous crime of all. Judges, smarten up ,

July 25, 2012 at 2:16 pm
(24) Cathy Meyer says:

Lisa, if you have been married and divorced 3 times that means you’ve never been in, what the courts consider a “long-term” marriage.

Perhaps you would feel differently about those “bonbon eating” women and their right to alimony who are left after 20, 30 or 40 years of raising children, keeping a home and promoting his career if you had ever been in their situation.

Until you’ve been left destitute by a husband for a younger model after decades of marriage you can’t understand the legal obligation that promotes the awarding of alimony.

And, any man who tells you he is paying over half his income to an ex is not being honest. NO family court judge is going to award an ex wife half of a man’s income. Unless of course he is also paying child support AND alimony. If that is the situation all men with children in long-term marriages should think twice before abandoning their families.

July 29, 2012 at 5:10 pm
(25) Gracie says:

Ms. Meyer,

You are sadly mistaken, my brother is not only required to pay alimony but child support when his children live with him full time because he chose to leave an emotionally abusive situation, due to his having children and an ex wife who refuses to work he will be paying for 12 years. Assets should be divided at the time of divorce. If the situation is as you say, then you should have gotten all of the marital assets but lifetime alimony is not warranted. When you agree to be dependent on someone you are taking a huge risk. What about a woman who is married for 30 years and decides to leave, she is eligible for alimony too but is that fair?
A man in NJ is required to pay alimony to a wife who kicked their son to death. Many people are ruined from marriage destruction that is not their fault. No fault divorce brings with it the loss of the ability to punish people for leaving, cheating or whatever. If it is truly no fault, then split the assets, assume joint custody and move on

August 12, 2012 at 10:20 am
(26) tracy says:

No fault divorce is ridiculous. The one at fault or the one who leaves often has issues that aren’t addressed during the marriage and can have an affair, take money from the account, abandon the children and wife/husband or do a number of immoral and unjust deeds to the family. No fault divorce laws shut the door to reconciliation and lead the way to breaking up the family unit. Sure it’s easier to get a divorce. But, each time a family is broken up, the welfare system is used more and children or wives are left in a world of hurt. The seventies of free love with promiscuity were the catalyst for no fault divorces and now we are all suffering from it. It hurts families with long term marriages just as much when there are grandkids and hopes and dreams for a retirement with both spouses are dashed.

August 27, 2012 at 9:12 pm
(27) Terry says:

Cathy Meyers –

Shame on you for your comments of July 25th! You are just another part of the problem that is Alimony in the State of Florida. You and the family law attorneys make their living by preying on the parties and setting false expectations….all in the name of the mighty dollar for yourselves

It really doesn’t matter what the Wife gets….you get paid regardless!
Our system in Florida is nothing short of legalized extortion and blackmail. And it will be changed in 2013.

Alimony should not be punitive (we’re in a no-fault state).

Alimony should work like child support – a set amount with a fixed term.

There’s just no reason in today’s world why anyone would need more than 5 years of alimony support. Unless they’re permanently and completely disabled.

Divorce shouldn’t be a lottery. And low-life people who make their living by preying on the misery of families should be ashamed of themselves.

Our current laws are anti-family and enslave people. They will be changed. Massachusettts was first in 2011…Florida will be next.

December 3, 2012 at 5:32 pm
(28) hanginginthebalance says:

My current husband was married to his first wife for 23 years. I myself was married for 24 years to my first husband. I was working – not nearly making as much as my ex, yet I did not request alimony. My current husbandís ex was not working but had the capability to work. Fast forward to Dec. 2012: The alimony was set to end Dec. 2011. The ex took my husband back to court. She has been living with their daughter acting as a nanny to her grandchildren claiming this was “her calling in life”. After 10 months in court, the judge has tentatively ruled in the ex-wifeís favor. Why? Because she has a condition called Fibromalygia. The courts ordered her to show proof that she could not work. She could not produce anything to support her claim. No Dr.’s note limiting her, nothing. Yet she can take care of a 1 year old and 3 year old. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not anti alimony. But if you’re ordered to do something and you don’t you shouldn’t reap the benefits of more alimony. Now, she gets to collect alimony for God knows how long, while my husband and I work our asses off just to make ends meet. At 57 & 54, weíre not young chickens and were looking forward to retiring. Not gonna happen as long as he has to pay.

December 15, 2012 at 12:07 pm
(29) Myles Doren says:

Hi Cathy. I wrote a comment last week during a stressful day. Please don’t post my comments as I was reacting out of anger in a current situation. My comments were just frustration at its worst. Thank you for your understanding.

Myles Doren

December 18, 2012 at 1:38 pm
(30) Lisa says:

Cathy<I beg to differ, my first marriage was for 21 years so I DO KNOW what i am talking about and your statement as follows: "And, any man who tells you he is paying over half his income to an ex is not being honest. NO family court judge is going to award an ex wife half of a manís income. Unless of course he is also paying child support AND alimony. If that is the situation all men with children in long-term marriages should think twice before abandoning their families.
I write the damn checks to this blood sucker, who doesn't work is not supporting any children and has no intention of doing anything but suck money in until she dies.
Your assumptions in my case are incorrect and I have all of the paperwork and court documents to prove it. Not to mention a Huge attorney bill of hers that he is now having to fork over on top of the exorbitant alimoney and also her health insurance which he must also pay. So unless you are in our check book, you do NOT know what you are talking about.

April 9, 2013 at 7:17 am
(31) Terry Cleveland says:

The alimony reform bill, which just passed in the Florida Senate and is about to pass in the House, eviscerates the traditional concept of the stay at home parent. This bill, by limiting the amount and duration of alimony, punishes stay at home spouses who give up their career opportunities only to find later a harsh reality when they attempt to re-enter the work force.
Spouses who support their marital partners through law school, med school and other lucrative professions to assist the family in achieving a prosperous lifestyle will be drastically short-changed and abused by the alimony reform bill. These spouses who sacrificed their own possibilities in the work force so their partners could pursue a career path that provides greater financial stability and prosperity for the family would be disadvantaged financially when the breadwinner decides to leave the family behind. The financial income they helped to build as an equal partner in their marriage and by allowing their partner full steam and focus on their career will now be of no value.
There is a reason women have not formed a coalition to defend permanent alimony THEY CANíT AFFORD IT!Ē Men who merit permanent alimony would be criticized because it is not a traditional roll for a man to play in this society, but they, too, have given up much for the family and for their spousesí benefit. Tell the governor to protect the institution of marriage and to veto this bill. Otherwise, marriage licenses should come with a warning label: ďMarriage is a hazardous institution which may leave you to raise your children alone as you watch your ex-spouse have a wonderful, prosperous life and retirement as a result of your sacrifice for his or her education, his or her career, and a comfortable home-life for the family.Ē Omitting permanent alimony and standard-of-living as options limits the courtís ability to create an equitable award tailored to the facts and the needs and abilities of the spouses.

April 16, 2013 at 11:25 am
(32) Terry Cleveland says:

No Fault Divorce was created so couples who wanted to divorce did not have to manufacture excuses for the divorce. It was not to take fault out of the divorce process, but the men who rule the courts and legislatures have decided that fault should not be an issue at all. For the most part, an adulterous husband who gives his wife an STD in the day and age of aids can waltz out of a marriage virtually unscathed financially while the wife and children scramble to make ends meet. Also, a wife beater can receive alimony! It is not the present laws and statutes that are faulty, it is that No Fault Divorce has become a monster that allows for the unconscionable behavior of one spouse to be rewarded. Alimony Reform: Let’s let the ex-husband and second wife determine what the first wife’s standard of living, income, and retirement should be! Brilliant!

April 19, 2013 at 8:29 am
(33) Terry Cleveland says:

My long term marriage is now considered mid-term marriage, (19 years) and, ironically, I would be entitled to more percentage-wise than what I actually received in alimony! I helped to support him through law school, was his secretary during his foray into private practice, and was a stay at home mother. I left the possibilities of my career behind so he could build a prosperous life for the family. Due to the fact that the bill is retroactive, can I now go back and seek what I was short-changed in the way of alimony? Is what is good for the goose, good for the gander?! I am going to need it now that I will have to file bankruptcy and go into foreclosure!

April 20, 2013 at 9:16 am
(34) Terry Cleveland says:

Oh, and, by the way, talk about slavery. I wasn’t paid a cent during our marriage for helping to support him through law school, as his secretary, as his housekeeper, as the child bearer, or as the stay at home parent. Just whom was the first to be enslaved?!

April 22, 2013 at 4:42 pm
(35) Junior says:

It is so easy for people to generalize. One person is always going to be the one to first decide to leave a marriage. If you are a stay at home mom who chose to stay home with your kids while your husband works, and you enjoy this life and you ask of your husband more and more each day and he gives more and more and then one day he tells you he has nothing more to give and asks you for help tells you he needs you to start working to keep up with the standard of living you are requesting and your solution to this problem is to tell your husband he needs to stop eating out for lunch when he’s working, then there’s a problem. When that husband gets tired and wants out why should he be stuck paying that person alimony. It really ticks me off to hear that a person who makes more money in a relationship should be punished if they want out of a bad marriage. We are responsible for ourselves. The only ones who we should be held accountable for are our children.

August 8, 2013 at 3:28 am
(36) Laura Cloghessy says:

Permanent Spousal Support is Indentured Servitude! Not only that, my husband and I were granted a marriage license when he had a lifelong financial obligation with another woman. In Oregon, the call it indefinite support – I was told if there was a change in circumstances the support could be altered. That is not the case. It is extremely difficult. I also had no idea that 15 years after their divorce and 13 years after we were married, an ex-wife would have the right to comb through 7 years of my financial records and every private area of my life. They even asked my husband about my income when he was under deposition and asked why I hadn’t looked for another job. His ex-wife is doing so well that they even took standard of living off the table. She just wanted money. In total she received $427,000 or 19 years of support. We paid all the income taxes for the last 4 years we paid her in one lump sum so she would go away. But really under Oregon Law, she can come back. This is in fact indentured servitude. My husband had no pension when he retired and has no pension now – He is 67 now. The better we did the better off she would have been. That is why they wanted to know about my income – they consider household income. We paid all of that money and we are just middle class people, living in a middle class neighborhood. Now tell me why they shouldn’t change this again?

December 24, 2013 at 3:14 am
(37) joiecel riviera says:

What about the guy who raises 3 kids, and on the 3 court date the judge orders paternity, on the following month this man finds out none of those kids are his. But because he gave them his last name it obligated him to pay c.sprt. and lifetime s.sprt. so she got away with more than his money…. this is my husbands current situation. And were not going to last much longer. These kids hate this man for walking out on their mom. And she gets 1700 on top of the 1400 for kids that are 19,21,23. They’re in college and hes not even responsible for them. He was in Bahrain and okinawa, during the mothers hoing days. An interesting thought,,, all 3 of these people have the same rh- blood and type. And exact sickle cell trait… my hub does not deserve that, injustice. Especially from that living tramp. Who has a government job rank pay of gs13. While my husband’s 12.00 an hr barely puts gas in out tank cause of this. And is in and out of jail cause he couldn’t pay the full amount .

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