The "persuasive minority" is at it again over at Fathers and Families. They are all up in arms because deadbeat parents will have to support their children. It is all so unfair!
Here is their issue, child support arrears can now be taken out of social security, disability and military benefit checks going. At the moment state's can garnish a check but cannot take more than 65% of the check.
In March of 2013 social security, disability and military benefits will be disbursed electronically, meaning the monies will go directly into the recipient's bank account. The problem with that is there are no federal guidelines dictating how much or how little can be garnished when money goes directly into a bank account. In other words, states will have the ability to garnish the entire check.
According the Fathers and Families, "This will cause tens of thousands of elderly, disabled, and veterans to become homeless. It is even worse, because most of the money collected will be kept by the states for their own purposes; it will never go to a mother or child. In many cases, the arrearages are very, very old. The children for whom the child support is allegedly being collected are grown. And much of the money owed is accumulated interest and fees. These accumulate during the long years that poor people are unable to pay their child support order, or have been disabled or laid off."
Here are my thoughts, if these elderly, disabled and veterans had paid their child support they would not be facing homelessness. You reap what you sow, so if you choose not to be financially responsible for a child it may come back to bite you in the butt one day.
The "even worse" part is comical to me. Yes, states will keep what is owed to them for the money they had to spend to help support a deadbeat parent's child while that deadbeat was refusing to pay child support. Only seems fair to me!
Why is it that these parents consider themselves victims of an unjust system? These "poor people" had children. "Poor people" are responsible for children whether they are married or divorced. "Poor people, "middle class people and rich people all accumulate interest and fees on debt regardless of how they come by that debt.
You can't go out and buy a car and complain when you are held responsible for not paying for the car. And you can't have a child and not expect the same repercussions when you abandon that child financially and leave the state to take over.
And there is no statute of limitations on a person's financial responsibility for a child. Who cares that the children are now grown. Someone had to support those children while they were growing and the one who chose not to now owes the one who did.
It is really that simple. This isn't about abusing "poor people." It is about holding parents responsible regardless of their age, ability or military service. No one gets a free ride folks and like I said before if you try you it will eventually catch up with you.
Related Articles:
State Child Support Guidelines
How Child Support is Calculated?
Your entire rant is based on the assumption that these men are deadbeats. Why are you assuming this?
Here’s a news flash: Child support and Child Custody are two totally separate issues. And in some cases have absolutely nothing to do with each other.
Take me for example. I’m a single father with sole custody of my 9 year old daughter. Her mother is a real deadbeat, hasn’t even called her in 6 years. She hasn’t worked and has disappeared quite literally.
I have a 4 year old daughter who I have had to fight just to get visitation for since she was born. Eventually I was granted weekend visitation. Two years ago mom decides to stop the visits. I go back to court 4 times and I have not until this point yet been granted anything but a supervised visit. that costs money. But I lost my job 8 months ago and am raising a kid myself. Besides the supervised visit thing is silly. I have letters from my 9 yo’s teachers, therapists, and various school officials saying I’m a wonderful involved excellent father. No dice.
That was custody in one county. That is an ongoing court battle and not even a standard visit granted to me in 2 years.
She moved to another county. The old county is where she used to live but took off when my daughter was a baby. Now she lives at home with mommy and daddy. At the time of stopping my visits, she also went on welfare. I was at the time (with a good job, I’m a college grad) also paying her an agreed amount on paypal since my daughter was born.
Guess what? I get served over a year later by child support to pay all her welfare and by the way I’m going to be over 1 year in arrears automatically. I lost my job shortly after.
Guess what? I’m a court mandated deadbeat with arrears coming out of my ears and nose. They started to take half my unemployment so the only way I was able to support my daughter was to enroll in grad school and use the student aid refund to live and pay our rent and live.
Your cavalier attitude about “deadbeat parents” is both judgmental and narrow minded. Just because a person has child support arrears doesn’t mean in any single way that they are a deadbeat.
To say every disabled vet who is paying on child support arrears is a deadbeat and have that as the entire basis to your rant on would be like me saying “All about.com writers are awesome because they make $50,000 a year and got a $5,000 bonus last year”. Well the writing ability has nothing to do with their salary.
Your post assumes the dad, or parent, did the leaving and made the choice not to pay. What if this scenario transpired: the dad was kicked out, willingly gave up his rights to all property and assets, paid his entire paycheck to the ex, only to end losing his job and getting kicked to the curb after working very hard at the marriage and giving up everything for 5 years. His ex can now go down to the state offices, lie about how much he earns and an order is immediately set in place charging him thousands he cannot pay. He’s unemployed, remember? He seeks a modification, this process takes two years to go through, the end of which the amount is not backdated so he still owes back child support based on an amount he never, ever earned. Even had he earned the amount, the amount taken out of his check would leave him with well under a thousand dollars a month to live on. If he remarries, the ex can go after his new wife’s income for her child support, and yet he doesn’t get to credit his ex’s new husband’s very substantial income in his favor. His children are all in school, his ex is a certified dental hygienist and, even working part time while the kids are in school, could make significant money “in the best interests of the kids”. Instead, she chooses to extort it from a man who works tirelessly seeking work. He gave it all to try to make it work and he cannot possibly hope to have a life…EVER. This legalized extorting is unjust in the extreme, does not benefit the children at all, and only benefits the unethical woman. And, while this is only one example, it is a coomonly occurring one for many good and decent men who never wanted a divorce in the first place. It was NEVER their “choice”. Instead men often end up paying with their lives for someone else’s choice. On what planet is any of that even remotely fair?
YOU ARE CRAZY. I am with a gentleman who regularly gets his children and loves his kids. His support was based off when he made good money, which he does not make now. He lives paycheck to paycheck. It’s not that he doesnt want to help out fiancially it the fact that he is unable to pay what the court orders. THEY DONT CARE IF YOU LIVE UNDER A BRIDGE, AS LONG AS YOU PAY YOUR SUPPORT. You obviously dont understand how Crap happens, you might lose your job, break a leg, or what not that might put you in a situation to not pay. I believe having a father in your life is WAY more important that being able to send the MOTHER money, which most time gets spent on them selves.
I think you are obviosly a bitter person, NOT ALL FATHERS ARE DEAD BEATS. Just cause you may fall behind or may not pay does not mean that you a bad father.
Brandy, wait until you have children with him. You won’t care either whether he lives under a bridge when you’ve been left to carry the majority of the responsibility of providing for his children.
I’m a man raising his children while their mother “can’t find a job.” She sees them regularly but that doesn’t put food on the table and clothes on their back. Thanks to me they have all they need but they do without a lot they should have because she doesn’t want to participate in being financially responsible toward her children.
People like you have a lot to learn about the consequences of raising children on minimal child support. Stick with this guy and you’ll learn all about it one day. Then you will be singing a different tune
My ex-wife always has an excuse to not pay childs support. When she first left us, she was hopping job to job, place to place, not helping financially with our daughter and rarely visiting. After a year she started to date a metalhead in a band. Just before tax season she decided to try to get custody. She lost becauseshe was only working part time and our daughter slept on the couch at her house. A family member of her was dying, and that was her excuse not to work, but she was okay enough togo to her boyfriends concerts all the time. She always had nice clothes and a fancy haircut. She even admitted to dropping her daughter off while tipsy. She got a job finally, and got pregnant. It didn’t work out with mr rockstar so then her excuse was ‘im a single mom and. Its so hard’. Then she quit her job and went to a trade school. (She already has a degree but has burned so many professional bridges that she can’t work in her former profession.) Payments stopped coming bc of school, no wages to garnish. Then her excuse to rarely see her daughter, pay support, or drive to get her was “I’m working doubles all the time” at her school. Wow her baby must get sick a lot with all of the doubles she had to work. Well, while still playing the ‘single mom going to school’ card she decide to have an affair with an engaged man. ‘I don’t know how I get myself in these situations’. Well now she’s done with school. He is her sugar daddy, he got them a new place, is getting her a new car, etc. She’s not working, and can’t get a job until she takes her written exam in may. Who graduates and then takes the test a month later? Yet, she says I am harassing her bc I’m fed up with her excuses and am persistent. Did I mention she only has to pay 70 dollars twice a month? And that she owes thousands of dollars in back pay, that was court ordered to be paid a couple of f years ago? So, she’s the definition of a deadbeat, right?
It is dead beat parent and his criminal acts of professional conduct of his attorney whom give all obligors a bad repretation as a dead beat because when a dead beat would rather pay his attornies instead of paying his child support for some past 27 years and die with an ON GOING ESTATE VALUE OF OVER 14 million dollars, that give all obligors a awfully bad reputation. just pay my attorney and for get to pay support to my own children. Oh an guess what child suppor enfort nor the judges in maryland will ever make you pay up. You can die filthy rich so you can continue to support your legal counsels life style instead of your own childrens life style in which they should become and enjoy along with their absent parent.
It is dead beat parent and his criminal acts of professional conduct of his attorney whom give all obligors a bad repretation as a dead beat because when a dead beat would rather pay his attornies instead of paying his child support for some past 27 years and die with an ON GOING ESTATE VALUE OF OVER 14 million dollars, that give all obligors a awfully bad reputation. just pay my attorney and for get to pay support to my own children. Oh an guess what child suppor enfort nor the judges in maryland will ever make you pay up. You can die filthy rich so you can continue to support your legal counsels life style instead of your own childrens life style in which they should become and enjoy along with their absent parent.
My husband is a disabled vet who has ptsd and alot of other healthproblems….. every since he’s been back home he’s had a hard time findin and keepin a job because of this disablitys… he loves his son but she refuses to let him see him…. but they still. Expect him to pay 504 in child support and 50 in arears for when he was between jobs and all he was makein was 420 a month from the va…. now we have 2 kids together and r married and he’s now requres to he watched 24/7 but he’s now 80% disabled.. and is now able to pay it but doesn’t leave him much to live with if it weren’t for my income he wouldn’t be able to make it….. and u want to call all man that dontbpay beadbets its bull… yes there r some that r but there also r some that don’t refuse they r just unable but these days no one cares…. because of the deadbets…. do more research before u run ur mouth.@@
My daughter was adopted by her step-dad @ age 13 while I was homeless.He tried to adopt her @ age 4 & I beat him in court @ the time.I had put her mother through school,not just a BA but also a Masters.He met her mother while both were taking class together for Masters Degree.My question is how could her mother continue to collect child support until my daughter was 18?Every time I got a job & child support was coming out of my check the mother would contact child support & have my drivers license revoked,end of job & the sheriffs would be after me .Happened 3 times.This happened after all arrears were paid in full.Took me years to get back together with my daughter. Seams like fraud to me ,just a way to keep me out of my daughter’s life.What kind of person set’s out to steal another persons child? This has ruined my relationship with my daughter & ruined my life.The law is an ass…
I am the step father of a 17 year old girl I have been paying child support for 6 years now. I started with 50 percent visitation which the mother took me back to court to have removed. Now the mother has kicked my step daughter out. My question: Why do I have to continue to pay the mother child support for a child that is not legally mine and is not living with the mother! I have no issue paying if it is going to benefit the child but the mother will not give the support to the daughter but I have to still pay so she can buy her smokes and pay for dinners with her new husband. Why is the system so darn unfair? I thought child support was to benefit the child not the parent?
There ARE deadbeat parents out there, yes, but I would really like to see someone take some action to the parents that get sole custody and then dump the child off at their parents house. The court doesn’t designate the custody to their parents, it grants custody to them. It amazes me how many people do this and get away with it, and the grandparents of the child end up footing the bill, feeding and caring for the child while the custodial parent runs free and collect child support directly as extra income. I am not referring to instances where the custodial parent works long hours, weekends or shift work that may need the assistance from their parents and when aren’t working, spend all the time they have with their child, I am talking about the parents with a college degree and a 9-5 weekends off situation that want to go out, take vacations, and have a great time.
Is it fair to a non-custodial parent to send support money to a parent that doesn’t even have the child living with them and stops by to “visit” their child but doesn’t have physical custody? Shouldn’t the grandparents be getting the money to support the child instead? What laws are in place to actually make sure the CHILD receives the support funds and that it isn’t a supplemental income to a custodial parent that has very generous family members taking on their responsibility?
Let me guess, too much time, too much paperwork, it simply couldn’t be controlled? It is the same type of abuse of the system, but not categorized as such or penalized.
I’m a mom in a child support case that allowed our daughter to go live with her dad, he has now gone on welfare and is receiving it fraudulently and the state is now garnishing my wages. I pay taxes for the lazy SOB to be on welfare and now their taking my wages to pay themselves back for being stupid enough to give it to him in the first place…We all must work and pay taxes, millions on welfare depend on you! Boy is the government screwed up!!
I was making child support payments for several years until I became disabled and too stupid ["disabled"] to get a modification agreement. I still saw them on weekends, bought them things, in short I did what I could.
Meanwhile, my ex was earning $3000 or $4000 per month for the three of them, while I lived on $700 [rent took $500 of that]. I left them the family home, I gave up everything. What about that idea in Divorce where the wealthier one pays the other one to “life as they had become accustomed to”??
My case is a little different in that the man earns less than the woman.
One kid was her’s before I came along, and the other one…. well lets just say I was very firm about not wanting my own kid. My ex made sure she got her way….. The point is that life is messy and this article sees only black and white.
I was good enough to adopt her kid after she tricked my into giving up my seed [she stopped using birth control without telling me]. Messy messy life.
Now the kids are grown up and the ex is coming after me for the money because now I might get an inheritance. She is now earning over $80,000 per year – and is more broke than I am with my new fortune of $900/mo, or $10,400 per year. Both kids earn more than I get now too.
I have lived with chronic pain for 20 years now, and am prescribed morphine by the doctors. I am only alive because I don’t want my unwanted kid to be affected by my suicide.
Where in all this is the fairness? The “Free Ride”?
EVeryones situation is unique – and no matter what state you llive in its biased against the fathers for the most part I know there are some moms out there getting the shaft – its distrurbing and disgusting and i dont know how these judges sleep at night.
Heres a scenario for ya. Been with an ex-girlfreind for eight years, had two children with her. We jointly own a house (which she still lives in). She ends the relationship over a lie (accused me of cheating) then kicks me out of my house. I always worked and had a decent paying job. She applies for support and I am ordered to pay $725 per month. Economy goes bad and I was forced to quit my job. My arrears shyrocket to $31k. Still unemployed after three years. Asked for modification and they reduced it to $613 per month. What a joke! If I couldn’t pay the $725 what makes them think I can afford $613 per month. This heifer still has my half of the house of which I have no benefit whatsoever. Can’t even afford to take her ass to court to force sale of the home. My half interest is worth more than what I owe in back-support. No one gives a dayum about my situation. They imputed a salary for me and based their decision from it, a past salary I used to make. That’s BS! I dont make that kind of money anymore and that was 3yrs ago. I do not have a degree so they basically screwed me over, and she still has my half of the house. Any suggestions?
Omar, I suggest you get a job. Any job, deliver pizza, work at a convenience store. There are jobs out there. Maybe not the job you want but there are jobs.
Second suggestion, forget about hiring an attorney. If you have legal issues that need to be dealt with find out what you need to do to go to court without an attorney. Most states now have resources available to people who are “pro se.”
Take action, stop complaining. Get a job, deal with your legal issues pro se.
Wow!You’re commentary is an example of why I no longer subscribe to about.com .. It exemplifies tunnel vision. I live in Texas. What about parents who love their children deeply but, can’t afford a lawyer? However their spouse has no problem paying for an attorney. Court appointed attorneys rarely do their jobs in divorce cases. Properly educating their client on the basics is beyond the call of duty. I mean come on? Think about it? We have people dieing in our country every day because they don’t have money for medicine. Or health insurance. Or a kidney transplant etc.
My point is your comment is only one scenario of many scenarios that are in the family courts. A lot are not of dead beats. They are of a ship with no captain. Case going on for years. It is insanity. Research it yourself. So
How can omar get a job? In Texas, what he has done is a felony. So on any application he must answer yes if asked about felony commission. I don’t know about omar, but it does make getting any job a lot more difficult. So, more time passes unemployed etc..
Everyone has a story but I believe she is speaking on my behalf a disabled vet with no excuses but love for two children I am raising. I have worked my behind off doing what I have to do to support my children while their dad who has a new family with a home two cars and two dogs who are always fed decides he rather work under the table than pay support oh his new girl is a deadbeat also working under theable also I was told to quit whinning and do what I gotta do I’m tired of peoples excuses
The father of my children, who are now in their 30′s, never paid child support and moved to Canada to avoid paying. There was a court order for him to pay child support and he owes well over $50,000. I found out he was going to be back in the country the day after Thanksgiving and today, the day before Thanksgiving, I am frantically trying to get a copy of my court order so we can have him arrested. There had been a court order for his arrest and the FBI had been involved years ago. Why in the world would the court not have my order information any longer? I called the state of VA child support enforcement and they don’t have my record as well! They are the ones who helped me do the reciprocal agreement order in Canada. So they don’t have my record either? So a man can get away without paying child support for two children? Move to Canada for 20 years and you get off scott free? I don’t think so. I will fight until they find my order.
Nancy
A perfect example is my dead beat ex – he had 3 kids with his GF during my marriage to him. When I found out and left his GF also divorced her husband so they could be together. Her ex now has to pay over $1500 a month in child support for the 3 kids because, even though he was proven not to be their father, he didn’t contest paternity until the youngest was 5 yrs old – state law says you have 36 months to contest!
My ex has worked under the table for YEARS to get out of paying $600 child support for our two sons, and his GF wont marry him for fear that I will garnish her. During the last 12 years I have worked 2-3 jobs regularly to provide for them alone.
In the beginning I tried to get the child support enforcement agency to help me and was told that I made enough between my jobs to support them without welfare so I wasn’t a priority. Now I’ve been lowered to SSDI (after waiting over 2 years) and Long Term/Permanent Disability which adds up to about 40% of what I used to make and this SOB gets approved for SSDI in 6 months for “disabling social anxiety/ bi-polar” on my account because the divorce was final 3 months after our 10th anniversary!
My Long Term disability, which I worked for and paid in to for years on my own, states that my payments will be reduced by ANY amount of $ received from social security on my account to anyone eligible to claim it. Essentially, after living all these years with no child support, my income is now reduced ANOTHER $900 a month because he did this. Child support enforcement says I’m in the system but it could take months to garnish him for arrears and I can afford an attorney!
At least now I’m in the system as being in poverty and I would LOVE for him to go along thinking everything is fine just to be hit with this bill in 10 years.
First of all, I completely hate how child support is ran. I am a woman and have children myself, but from personal experience child support screws the men over. My husband’s baby’s mother has never worked, he paid child support, but the mother only used it to party and on anything but the child. He is also a veteran and why is it the father is deadbeat?? There are mothers who are complete deadbeats and are worthless as a mom and yet your saying they should pay??? The mother wanted the child, with or without the father’s permission, they are also responsible for providing for their children. I think child support should be for those who are truly trying to support their kids and yet still cannot provide clothes and everything else. It should not be for the mother’s rent or utilities as it is not fair he has to pay her rent, utilities and his own where other kids live. Child support needs to be changed
I have a child with some one that is on child support. I never realized how bad child support is on a person until having a child with someone on child support. Child support is unfair, I have a child with my boyfriend that he can’t even help support because majority of his money is going to this wench, who has him on child support and for a child she does even let him see. I don’t think it is right for a man to have to pay not just for the child but for the mothers wellbeing and she is getting married and has a child with someone else. Child support should be exactly what it is called child support, not mother and child support, while the mother is lazy doesn’t work and scams the government. I will be paying for a lawyer to put a end to her athurity becuase my child deserve the right to be taken care of too. I work everyday hard to support the whole family and the weight is all on me because what she is taking is half of his earnings, he can barely help pay anything. He does what he can. I know that he loves his other son but this girl is spiteful and had the nerve to say to me why did I have a child with him, ok why did you have your child with him. Just because a man splits from you doesn’t mean oh, I need to go get even, put myself on welfare and lie about the help or even the fact that the father was ever in the picture. The government makes it to easy for these women out here, to take a vantage of the governments assistance and if the government has to pay for you not wanting to get a job, the mother should have to pay that money back as well as the father. It is a shame that the government allows this type of lazyiness on the womens part. Child support is not about getting even it is about getting help for your child financially 50/50.
If the mother is living in low income housing gets everything for free from the government why should the man only have to work and pay for that, she needs to work too. Almost ever man on child support is considered a dead beat approximately 78.5% of men on child support are behind in the United States, having arrears not because they want it to be that way its becuase Social Services and the mother made it that way. I have a child with a man on child support I know, women don’t know if they aren’t dealing with it first hand, women out there who out there childs father on child support and did all this and that to make sure there taking there money for their own financial gain and indulgence, don’t have the childs best interest and trying to make it seem like their father doesn’t care when they do is just plain ignorance. I would never put my sons father on child support. Women who have a man on child support, try being the women with a man on child support and I guarantee you will change your outlook, when that man can’t help you because a women scorned has him on child support and he can’t assist you with your child you have with him becuase the other childs mother is so worry about getting even, to the point wear she has lashed out at me for no reason just because I have a child with him too. The love of a father is so much more important than it just being about money, money is not going to bring that child happiness, it may bring the mother happiness but the children are who’s really missing out, think about that truly.
I feel really sorry for all the men who really care about there children and have to go through this with these women, who are nothing more than women scorned and using child support as a get even. It takes two to tangoand most of the women run and get court orders to become the custodial parent so that they can out the man on child support instead of doing the right thing and getting joint custody, these women put this burden on themselves and espcially you women who were married to these men. If you have joint custody of the children maybe life wouldn’t be so hard don’t complain about something you created, I am sure mostly all the men would love to have joint custoday then both parents would venly be taking care of there children. I have a friend that decided to do joint custody and life was much easier for her. She had her free time for herself, and they evenly shared the expenses. Mothers try to say have joint custody is unstable for the child but a child without a father is unstable, money can’t take the place of a father figure by no means and trying to put substitute dads in place of the childs real father doesn’t help either especially when you have a child by another man and that man is in the other childs life, withholding children from seeing there fathers for the money is ridiculous.
Ms. SC, I totally agree with you. When dealing with a man on child support you see first hand everything they go through, and I am a mother too,
tierranl, you are contradicting yourself. You are upset that your child’s father has to pay child support which leaves him unable to help support the child you had with him. Which is it, should a father help financially support a child or not?
Also, if he is telling you that he has to pay 50% of his income in child support he is not being honest with you. Ask him to allow you to see his child support order. Child support is decided by a state’s child support guidelines. NO state orders a non-custodial parent to pay 50% of their income.
If your boyfriend is paying that much it is because he is also having to pay off arrears along with his court ordered child support.
Here is the bottom line…if a man can’t afford one child, he should not have another child. That is just common sense and there are ways to prevent pregnancy and children you can’t afford.
Your situation has nothing to do with the fact that his first child receives child support and everything to do with the fact that you had a child with a man who couldn’t afford another child.
That is something any woman should take into consideration before she plans to have a child with a man…can that man afford to help her support the child?
Here’s another one:
My ex was paying child support, based on an under the table job – growing pot. His boss got arrested at the same time that ex’s untreated bipolar disorder got out of control. He hasn’t paid child support for 15 months, gave up his rights to see his kid 14 months ago, and has been homeless and jobless…
I got notice that his license was going to be revoked, so I found him and let him know. He wants me to work something out with the state, since ‘he needs the money more than I do’.
I went back to school, graduated, and routinely work 2 jobs. His $200 a month actually WOULD make a huge difference in our lives. So would his willingness to acknowledge and treat his mental illness.
Every story is different, none of them are good.
Yes, there are deadbeats. I have tried to help a friend collect from one such “father” for over 20 years. The IN courts always let him off of contempt charges though judges said that he was clearly in contempt. You see he once worked as a probation officer in the same county and his wife was an attorney. Most recently, he and his “new” wife set up a not-for-profit with the deadbeat as a minister. He spends all his time writing online and claims scant or no income and no assets. Check out Indianapolis’ own “Rev. Mike Ramey” (not his real name) on the web for a true example of arrears over $15,000.00.
The writer of this clearly has issues with man, so it is really hard to take anything she says with less then a grain of salt. That being said, there are deadbeats and there are the dead broke. There are also morally bankrupt mothers that think not about what is best for the children, but what is best for them and sure enough, there are woman who do their best to be fare to their ex.
The story written here is to black and white. It leaves no room for grey areas and I am sorry to say but life if full of grey areas, you simply can not get around that fact. A man with a court order is technically no different then a man with an intact family. When life goes wrong for a man in an intact family, we do not put him in jail, even though he is no longer able to support his children.
When a relationship dies and a man goes from paying for 1 house, 1 electric bill, 1 food bill, to paying for 2 of all of that, there realistically is less money available. This is compounded when a man is not the one who cheated and is not the one asking for divorce. There are instances where a moral, upstanding, hardworking man has child support thrust upon him, not because he broke the family up, but because the woman did. If you think that immorality should beget rewards of the children and money, you have your own special problems in life that perhaps god will help you with one day.
Much time should be spent by the court to determine who is at fault for the destruction of a marriage, and if a single individual is found to be the biggest problem, that individual should not be reworded with the children. I think there would be a clear case to be made for the best interest of a child to be with the parent that tried in good faith to for-fill his or her marriage obligations in good faith.
Also, when you commit a person to jail, the local or state government must pay for that incarceration. It costs between 35k and 42k a year to house 1 prisoner where I am from. That means if you incarcerate a man that owes 25k, you will spend more on his imprisonment then he owes in support well before he reaches 1 year in jail. You could try to make him responsible to pay that as well, but that is money that could go to support and what will they do if he can’t pay his own imprisonment? Keep him in longer? Then he costs us all 100s of k.
If you think prison is a good solution to dead broke dads. then your thoughts are not really with your children, they are with your vindictive self gratification.
Your kids can forget money. They will never forget not having a dad and the truth of why will one day come out.
I am a Disaabled Vet and when I got divorced I made 75,000 a year while working alot of overtime. So, my child support was set very high. 2300 a month and 700 for Spousal Support. I had back problems but as I got older it got worse. I had major back surgery and I was out of work for almost 2 years and the courts would not re-modify my child support and spousal support. The job I did was physical and was not able to return to my job. So, I could get my base pay and all the overtime I was working. The courts ruled that it was a choice to have surgery. The doctors told me and the courts that surgery was very necessary for me. I had done 6 months of steroid injections to try and avoid surgery, My Ex took me to court because i fell behind in my child support and spousal support and I ended up in jail. The judge gave me 3 years like She was giving away candy. Yes the judge was a woman. There are plenty of single women and men out here taking care of their children. Nothing in this life is guaranteed and Child Support and Spousal Support laws are the only civil dispute that you will end up in jail. If you are deliquent on a car loan or house you dont go to jail. The system is set up in a way. Say you buy a car and you make payments on it but you cant drive it. Your Ex has it. Thats the way the system is. Not only do you lose custudy for the child or children but you have to pay for them and they dont even live with you. I can see if a parent doesnt want to be with their children. Then yes they should have to pay. But just like a person wants a house or a car you cant have it and expect someone else to pay for it. Theres just something wrong with that way of thinking. So, the judge gave me 3 years. In matter of fact you can do drugs or sell drugs and get less time for not paying child support. I think everyone should support there children 50/50.
It took 2 people to make the baby not one. Child Support laws are almost a form of Slavery. You are forced to work and give your wages to someone else that didnt work for them. If you try to change jobs or get fired then you risk going to jail. If that isnt slavery i dont know what is. But if you live with that person you can change jobs whenever you like.
Most child support modifications can be completed easily without an attorney and through the child support services of your state, with a hearing scheduled within 2 months. They back date the new order to the date of the request for modification. So, eff these lies about it taking 2 years and having to pay all of the then back support. That’s BS. Lies Lies Lies. Each time a party’s income changes, they can request a modification hearing. I’ve been in court no less than 26 times and get to sit through listening to nearly 6 hours of other people’s cases in child support court. I’ve heard the most lame stuff ever. The judges are used to the whining from the NCP. They also come down on the CP as to why they are or aren’t working and supporting themselves. Its not hail to the lazy mother and diss the poor pitiful father. Again lies, lies, lies. I’ve been forced to sit through roughly 156 hours of different cases, different circumstances and they all come down to the person not paying being a deadbeat. The court will work with anyone unless you’re a deadbeat and they know it because they’ve heard you coming in there or someone who sounds just like you for the entire day. 10 hours a day, 5 days a week.
Any state will keep the amount of back payment they receive even if it collected after the child is 18 AND even if they ultimately collect more than what they spent on “supporting” the child while the non custodial parent was not paying. I was never on welfare but I did have state medical for my kids for a year at one time. I found out that the state had a levy against my ex for nearly 4 times the amount of the highest priced medical insurance policy I could find at the time for my kids for a 12 month period!
I made a written agreement with my ex stating that he will pay 50% of my cell phone, medical insurance, and car insurance for me and the kids until 3 years after the youngest turns 18 as repayment of a personal debt incurred by me during our marriage. He actually pays it. Its about half of his court ordered monthly payment but it will be extended past my youngest’s 18th birthday so it works out for me with no outrageous fees on him. Twice a month we get together for coffee, i show him the bills and then follow him to the bank for the money. The best part – I get all of it. He pays what he can afford but for a longer period. BUT, I never depend on the $$ coming in on time. if he cant make a payment he knows he has to give me notice and we work something out. We are on good enough terms that when something needs work at my house he is the one I call. Knocking $200 off of my child support is a lot cheaper than paying $2000 for a roofer and he spends a day making part of his debt go away.
Wow this woman is a man hater first off the term deadbeat dad is used here just as a racist uses the n word my x wife left me and kidnaped my kids then after a year filed for child suport I paid for years and after she realized that I was getting income tax money she started this whole lets get back togather thing me being a true family man and actually wanting to be with and raise my kids left my job apartment and city to be with this woman that lasted a year when after being told that the child suport was abolished I find out she never canceled it and had been hiding all the letters my bank account got seased my licens was suspended and I’m 20,000 dollars in debt and she just laughed and said looks like I will not be getting this years income tax money and even tho I have proof we lived togather there is no help for a man in this female ran agency
Railroad, who told you the child support had been abolished? Why would you leave it up to her and not make sure yourself that the child support issue was dealt with? Making sure that issue had been taken care of was your responsibility.
You got played for a fool and made it easy for her to do what she did by not taking care of something that should have been a top priority.
I’m not a man hater BUT I do get tired of hearing from men who fail to make sure their legal rights are dealt with and then blame their oversight on others.
It was your place to take action and protect yourself. In not doing that you played a huge role in the position you are in now.
1st off I gave up my kids because I lost my job and I couldn’t afford my mental health meds and I felt my self slipping into a black tunnel an I didn’t want my kids to suffer. I love my kids with everything in me an yes I haven’t paid child support for them because I was a ghost walking the streets. In 2012 I was picked up and taken to a mental health hospital and there put on meds then I was put in a homeless shelter from there I got better. I am finally working an have my own place an every 6 weeks my meds are being adjusted because nothing seems to be working. When I gave my ex our kids he said he didnt want child support just for me to get better an at the time that was kool the only reason he wants it now is because his rich father kicked him out of the house because he found out he smokes weed. I dont have a problem with paying child support but my ex has never asked for any or ever tried to get any and now I am being hit with all the arrears from the time he had our kids. I make less than 1,000.00 a month if I am lucky I make that. Today I got told I am going to have to get health insurance on the kids as well. My Doctor is pushing me to get on Partial Disability so I can get on better meds to where I can function more as a normal person. Pretty much all I am saying is yes the kids do suffer but sometimes there are things that really happen in life that we cant help an that makes us a deadbeat parent. I think not. Yes it takes money to feed them and to dress them and everything else and yes I know they didnt ask to be born but then again I didnt ask to be born with schizophrenia, and manic depression and I didnt ask to be raped from 4 to 14 years of age and now suffer from PTSD and panic attacks and flash backs that sometimes paralize me. Some of us do what we can but not everyone is trying to run from being a parent I want to run to it.
This womans blogs are a waste of internet space. She merely deletes any post that she can’t reply too. She has now deleted 3 posts of mine that were filled with facts an information that could have helped alot of veterans but since thats not her agenda she merely deletes them and calls them offensive. I truly hope her superiors get the chance to screen what she is doing.
Service connected disabilities pay can not be included in any support obligation. If someone tries to garnish these disability payments in any way, be it through your bank or any other means, contact your senator or congressman. These men and women know who to call and get results that would take the veteran trying to do things “pro se” a much longer period of time.
Now, this post is not offensive. It does not threaten in any way, shape or form. It merely contains FACTS that you can not dispute. My opinion is no different than many other posters on this blog that you are wrong. I will add that your original rant is very offensive and disrespectful to those who make it so you have the right to do so.
I would like to see a response from you in this blog. Stand up for yourself if you so vehemently believe in what you’re saying, dont simply delete posts full of information that could help people because they disagree with you.
Again, there is no possible way to view this post as threatening or offensive.
my ex left April 2001. He decided not to pay another penny for his 2 children. I worked (low paid job) claimed benefits and tried to get child support. He was self employed and lied about his income, a plasterer earning £189 per week?!!! They believed him. I am in debt for utilities, but when the house had to be sold he was entitled to 50%. I am still in debtt!!! Can I take it to court and ask that they take into account that he has some responsibility to pay for his children?!!
In court it is about what you can prove, period. You would have to have actual evidence of his deception. He must have provided the court with what they considered to be sufficient proof of his income. To dispute his claims you would need to file for a modification and then prove your case.
I am sooo sick of reading all of the poor me pity stories on here about people who have shacked up with parents required to pay child support. My ex husband and I were married for 10 years before our divorce was final and during those 10 years we BOTH worked until he got out of the military at which point I was the sole provider. I worked and supported the family while he went to school. Before he graduated, it was apparent that we were headed for a divorce, but I still supported him knowing that I wanted him to have a good education so he WOULD BE ABLE to pay child support once we split. Initially, he paid…little by little each month UNTIL he met his second wife and they had a baby. That’s when his new baby became the priority and my kids were thrown away…literally. Needless to say, that marriage didn’t last and he moved on to wife number three and children numbers 4 and 5! But guess what? Another busted relationship. Sooo he packed his things and moved to Mississippi to live with his parents. Meanwhile, I work 2 jobs (one of which is running my own business), am a full time parent, as well as a full time student getting my Masters. The other 2 wives however are not so ambitious…they are BOTH on welfare and neither of them work. What that means is…not only am I raising my 2 on my own…but as a business owner and taxpayer, I’m also supporting the other 3 children (not to mention their lazy ass mothers). When he does get any money (which is typically around tax time) the county governments take it as repayment for welfare services…even though he owes me over $150,000 and only owes a little over $5,000 each on the other two cases.
So if you want to throw yourself a pity party… FINE!!! But don’t subject the rest of us to it. There are deadbeat parents EVERYWHERE!!! They come in every size, shape, and sex. My ex hasn’t seen or even spoken to MY children in more than 13 years!! I didn’t make these children alone…it took 2! And although I’ve allowed you the luxury of walking away and not having the “burden” of child rearing… I WILL NOT allow you to walk away from your responsibility. Every dime I get (when I used to get something) went towards the boys. They each have college funds, they are each well dressed, well groomed, and healthy. HE had the nerve to even tell me once “well you just put the money in a college fund anyway…so you don’t need it! I NEED this money to live…they don’t NEED to go to college!” Yep!!! That is the level of stupid I am dealing with!!
Your article is right on. I started reading the comments and all those people who claim they were ramrodded by the system need to become adults. Poor me. She/He took me for a ride. They wanted all my paycheck. Well you know what, I use all my paycheck to put a roof over my child’s head, pay for his food, healthcare, and everything else. I ain’t using the child support for a private jet off to Vale. I’m not on the street, but I can tell you my health isn’t any better from all the worry about money the last 13 years. Don’t take my money, well maybe if you gave it willingly they wouldn’t have to take it.
I do not believe that arrears are always the result of a father not paying child support.In my husband’s case the child is now 24. The child got over $24,000.00 more than the court ordered amount.He was never told he was in arrears..now his ex is in money troubles and hired an atty..She now claims the SSDI auxiliary benefits were a “gift”..she claims she did not file for the benefits for the child until 3 years after he started getting his benefits…so she claims now that she did not know he was on SSDI…she moved and the SSA letter did not get to her..so she did start getting the SSDI benefits in 2002…the benefits were twice that of the ordet..now she wants $60,000.00 dollars..$42,0000 in intetest..the do called arrears..$14,500.00.She wants 65% of his SSDI for the restvof his life..he is 48..CHILD support services told him the case was closed in 2002 and he has no arrears..we found out that she was noncomplant with child support between 1998 and 2002…she said she waited 14 years so she could get the intetest payments years later..then he would owe her forvthe rest of her life..so not everyone is a deadbeat dad..some ex wives are golddiggers…
In NH we have what is called a marriage master and it seems it is his job to give as much money as he can to ex-wives, he ignored her tax evasion, the fact she only brought a hand written total of her income, the 25000 she screwed her last partner for and didn’t claim as income. Now i have to choose between feeding my kids when I have them and heating the house. II pay all her expenses now and for the remodling of her boyfriends house. And people wonder why there are deadbeat Dads in this world. Or they say “he must have snapped” when its too freaking late to fix the problem.
Steve I feel for you and I agree that there are some seriously deficient people out there parenting (on both sides of the gender fence). I truly hope you keep it up andfight to keep your ex in line. It’s women like that and the one mentioned in the previous comment that give moms like me a bad wrap!!! I have done it all alone! He walked away after I put him through college from our sons. For the past 13 years I’ve done it alone with NO HELP! AND I CAN’T SEEM TO GET MISSISSIPPI OFF THEIR ASSES TO HELP! THAT’S WHERE HE RAN TO SO HIS PARENTS COULD SUPPORT HIM WHILE HE REFUSED TO WORK. I know some may say “why did you have kids with a man like that?” But when we married he was a successful SSGT in the Army. People never cease to amaze me!
let me ask you this….if you lost custody of your kids to the dad and had to pay 65% of your income could you support yourself, have a apt, a car, food, I think not. If the non custodial parent can’t support himself/herself and have a car to get to work guess what??? You get nothing because they have no way to have a job to pay you. A lot of jobs these days require cars and proof of car insurance. You can’t have visitation with your kids if you have no home. The amount of child support being garnished is in no way reflective of the cost of what you spend on the child, ABOVE AND BEYOND what you would spend on yourself to have a home and food. You already have to have a one bedroom, a two bedroom isn’t hundreds and hundreds of dollars more, a child doesn’t eat hundreds and hundreds of dollars MORE of food per month then you would already buy. 65% of a check is just STUPID.
My stepdaughter is going through this whole process right now, and the deadbeat guy she has been with for the last 16 years thinks she should pay him spouse support and he shouldn’t have to pay child support, this is after years of him taking advantage of the checks his stepson received from his dead father. so me I say, really, you played the game, now be accountable and step up like a man..or woman, whatever the case
@ CaliMomof 2, boy I’m telling you if your story doesn’t sound like mine, I don’t know who’s does…. These Child Support laws are unbelievable. On one hand, you have non-custodial parents who are mandated to pay an exorbited amount of support and trying to do right by their children,… then there are those that totally skip out leaving the custodial parent left with the sole responsibilty. Theoretically, these pratices should be set up to rectify compensatory expenses necessary to the childs well-being and livelyhood., NOT!!!!!, I raised my daughter BY MYSELF for the past 13 years working overtime, doubletime, pre-dawn graveyard shifts for the pay differentials. All this to give my daughter the best livelyhood I can. I don’t want her to FEEL the hit that I’m taking. Get this business, 11 years ago I filed a petition for support through a county here in Southern Ca. I came to court with paycheck stubs, medical insurance records ect., he came with an empty backpack…the Jugde made a mandate for $64 a month!!!! I was defeated, but I just said ” as long as I have the good fortune to take care of my daughter, I will do it ” It was never a burden to me to take care of my babygirl. Do you think he’s paid a cent of that.. NOPE! I asked him 3 years to pay for one week of after school care ($125) he said ” man, I don’t have it.” This man has had 3 other kids since then and one of the mom’s ( so he and his mom says) is getting over half of his check while I get nothing!!! He does have his own home, a car and a job now. What the hell! Sorry all for the long rant., just wanted to illustrate that the knife cuts both ways and the ones most hurt of course are the kids.
Also wanted to address a comment made almost a year ago by “Dave” in response to ” Brandy”. THANK YOU!!!! Your comment was very well stated. Her ” living under a bridge” comment took the cake and icing.. He may have the liability the play catch up now, there is a reason for that. However, what happens to the custodial parent who has that responsibilty from day one? What about the bridge that would have been over the head of the child had not it would have been for the responsible parent taking the reigns ? But you know, we all have to have non-objective and non – bias allies right ? No matter how foul it is.
Hey guys u know what is funny? I kind of agree with cathy on being responsible for the choices we make, its too bad that her observations are slantted. I really feel for parents who are the primary care providers, i understand that it costs alot to support a child and childsupport is often not alot. I do believe that supporting your child is in “the best interests of them”.
I would love to work 2 fulltime jobs and provide everything my daughter would want. Why wouldnt i? I love her and “its in her “best interests” And i wouldn’t even care if her mother(my exs) lifestyle would be improved by this, why would I? she takes care of my daughter when im not around. The problem is choices.
As the primary care parent you also made a choice, In the state where i live in. The courts cant order shared parenting or joint parenting unless both parents agree. And if there is an disigreement then the only other choice is to sue to be the primary care parent. The law says that both parents are equal and that its based on
Im Sorry, fathers often get the bum reps, we dont want to support our children or we just are unable to see “what is in the best interests of our children before anything else” This is what people like Cathy and others like her want everyone to believe! And sadly its often times its true, we are often too busy fighting to have are names listed in birth records or paying the 100hr lawyer to take the ex to court who feels that the 2 to 4hr visitation times can be changed,postponed or modified at any wim etc. Or just being reconized as parents.
People like Cathy and others like her want you to believe that our children are not getting there child support and we need to go after THOSE DEADBEATS or that we need more stiffer laws. Sorry, guys it true there are people who don’t pay there support or it dosnt come on time? And im sorry about that, its is a hardship for you parents who take care of are children, and its hard on a child to go without consistency.
So i say, if your just looking for me as a father to just be responsible? Don’t bother ok im not interested! BUT If you want me to be a PARENT, then be responsible? then im your guy. Otherwise i would rather be a DEADBEAT FATHER! Sorry guys if my spelling and grammer is bad! Im really tired from working two jobs so i can hire a civil rights lawyer to challenge these laws and be a parent! Or as Cathy and others like her say “get out from being responsible” Sorry kathy dont mean to pick on you or be rough. Thanks for your time and understanding, and good luck parents.
Or maybe the reason why Access isn’t really taken serously is because there is NO PROFIT for the states to enforce them, but to drag your ex countless times over the years, where you have too hire an lawyer, pay court fees, pay mediation etc. There is profit in that! Further enforcement of parenting time is a joke! What options do the courts have for parenting time vilolations? Jail? for contempt of court? Your joking right! who is going to put the parent who has custody in jail? Fines? Sorry, change of custody? your joking what judge is going to give custody to a person who barely has a relationship with there kids! Modify parenting time to grant more visitations? Wasnt the reason i went too court in the first time was too enforce parenting time, if the other party isnt cooperating with 4hrs them why would they cooperate with more? Sorry, mediation is a joke if one parent dosnt want to cooperate! Oh how about hiring a county sheriff
to show up and make sure visitations are enforced? Oh wait, the police cant get involved with civil matters, except where there is a crime happening and unfortunately volation of parenting time, is a civil matter and so is the threat of civil contempt of court! Mybe if the ncp would pay there child support they would be taken seriously, Ive paid 95% of my support. These people who say its your responsibility to make sure you have a relationship with your childreen are crazy! Yes you need to file but the system needs to do there part. And as for the advice of representing yourself in court be careful that in trying to enforce you and your childs rights that you don’t be accused of stalking or A common tactic used by divorce lawyers is to have an parent file a F.A.P.A against pro se parent, and for those who dont know “F.A.P.A is a restraing order. Its easy to get all one has to do is say they have a fear that there maybe abuse! Hmm how do you legally argue someones fear? This dosnt keep visitations from happen
ing but it sure makes it hard to keep track of the other parents address if during the time the restraing order is in effect the other parent moves! its hard to serve someone when you don’t know where they live! I know i sound like a raving lunitic, anyone with a reasonable mind would think “Man there is somthing wrong here or maybe you did somthing wrong? This is a rational response i get from parents or people before they divorce or have to go thru our broken judicial system. I understand i said the samething myself! then a year later they our knocking on our doors for help and disbelief that its happening to them! Folks the system is there to create deadbeats, Thou i have to say that this isnt everyones experience, but it is alot of ppls! Not everything is bad thou, Awareness is changing and we are seeing more ncps get custody but its still a long ways from being an unbiased system, and we are seeing more emphasis on shared parenting etc, in some states. But when a study of what primary parents felt about
the ncps involvement in there childs life. 60 percent said there is no value! Scary, So if you are complaining that u need more money or want more help with parenting etc then let your ex be a parent. And just maybe the DeadBeat Father will surprise you?
Single Mom, i agree that you can modify the amount of childsupport thru S.E.D. And yes it will take a few mths for a hearing! But the problem with yours and Cathys arguement is because of the recent childsupport acts the courts or S.E.D cant touch rectroactive(past) childsupport, So here is a person who is being responsible notifying that hey i have a change of income and my support needs to go down. But because he has to wait for a hearing he still owes the org amount intel the hearing, further what you don’t tell people is your childsupport modification will never be 0. The most they can reduce is the min amount to pay and i think that verys from state to state based on wages. But please correct me if im wrong, i can be wrong no one can be an expert in every issue. In my state the min amount paid for childsupport a mth is $225? at least thats what the S.E.D worker told me awhil back. The recent act that took that power out of the hands or judges and S.E.D was the bradley or brady act?
It was made law because some groups felt that judges where to forgiving of back childsupport, so the effect of this is now you have creatted a deadbeat parent. thus justifing more stats, and justifing more money for enforcement of childsupport. See the problem i have with a government agency like this isn’t childsupport, as i said earlier i believe that every child deserves to be supportted by both parents because its in the “best interest of our little ones” I just find it difficult that a government agency that is funded by the taxpayers, and setup with the ideal of doing “what is in the best interest of our children” Can be so one sided, mind you this agency is ran by the states! The same state that you goto to get a divorce, handle custody etc. And eventhough they will sware up and down and left and right that they don’t represent your ex or any party, its interesting that they will help you establish paternity, handle setting up childsupport, handle enforcement even to the point of getting a lawyer for u
Basicly one side of your agreement or court order! I find this to be a conflict of interest. thus creating a special class of parents who have special rights for a choice that they made (and i only mean my state that cant order joint custody or shared parenting unless both parties agree, which isnt the case in all states) And also they wont even talk to you about visitation,custody isssues. I would feel better and even have some trust in the system if they even made an effort to setup an enforcement of parenting time in there agency, even somthing so small as having a few ppl who can go with parents and observe that visitation happened, which currently we have to have evidence in courts to prove denial of access otherwise its he/she said. I belive there should be an S.E.D but only to keep the books and recieve payments. As crazy as it sounds, leave the accual enforcement to the courts! OH MY GOD DID HE REALLY SAY THAT! He just only wants to get away from his responsibity! LOL, sorry kathy, no the reason i
Said that is because if you have a parent who has custody and isnt co-opreative with visitation or sharing the responsibilies, And lets face it there isnt any real motivation for that if you know that you will get your interests taken care of or childsupport enforced with little effort! If maybe you had to file in court to get a wage withholding order or file in court to get a modification( increase of childsupport) instead of having the government do it for you! then maybe you will be more willing to co-operate if it is a little harder? Ya its sad, for you good moms and dads who encourge co-operation and access, i mean no insult! You work to hard 2 have 2 do somthing like this, but because we have emotional deadbeat and selfish parents! you all would have too suffer! Win/Win for everyone! taxpayers payless less, More access time, and for the kathys in the world, just to show that im not a total heartless S.O.B after the modification hearings etc we can use S.E.D to enforce
and collect each new modification and wage withholding order that has gone thru the courtsystem and b4 a judge, instead of some clerk or administrator!
I really do understand that there are “deadbeat” parents out there..Parents that are struggling to make ends meet because they do not have help from the ncp. But not all are “deadbeat” cases.
I have a good friend that is at his wits end trying to be with his children. He was married and had 2 children. Before the divorce, they had made an agreement with each other that he would give her the family home and pay her $700 a month. This arrangement was made before they went to court and was to be presented to the judge by both of thier lawyers. This is what he could afford to pay. He gets laid off from his job (at the time when the economy was really bad) and is now collecting unemployment. They go to divorce court .She doesnt mention the agreement that they had prior. He pleads the agreement and not only is it denied, he now has to pay $900 a month, get health and life ins. (which he lost when he lost his job). He pleads with the judge to no avail. His unemployment runs out and he cant pay his rent for his Apt. and is evicted. He has no where to go, no money and to top it off, is denied seeing his children. He has no family in the US and is forced to go back to the country he is from. The economy where he is from is in bad shape also and it’s hard for him to find work, and he is getting assistance from the govmnt. He sends her money (what he can afford to) for the children every month and yet she only lets him talk with the children for 10 minutes once every two weeks, if that. He pleads with the mom to work out some agreement about child support so he can see his children. She says that he abandoned them when he left the country. She tried to get his parental rights taken away, but was denied because he is still paying her something. He owes almost $10,000 in back child support and if he attempts to come back to the country, he will be arrested at the airport.
He is a mess. He misses his children dearly. He sends gifts on their birthdays and on Christmas and when he talks to the children they ask why didnt he send them anything for Christmas. His heart breaks and he tells them he did send something. She hurries and hangs up the phone and tells them that the line was disconnected. (I’ve also witnessed this). She sends the children away over the summer to “friends” homes out of state so she can have a “break” but yet will not put the children on the plane to see thier father. My point is this..Where is the justice for him? The judge stated that his child support was based on his “potential income”…not the income that he was infact making. I personally think it is unfair. She wasnt on welfare nor would she have had to get assistance after the divorce. She has a great job that pays well..and yet he is punished and has no hope of seeing his children, whom he loves dearly and misses. I just dont understand this….
I never knew this woman had a child..she put me down as the father I have a family of my own 10 Yrs later I got pulled over n arrested for 10 yrs of back child support..the woman even told the courts she didn’t want me to know about the child n wants no money from me..2 yrs later I’m still dealing with child support.n this is fair to my kids at home whom know me n I am a stay at home dad due to the economy so ya deadbeat dad u say get a life quit making assumptions about men like we are garbage i raisd my kids in my home..but yet this case is destroying my family mentally n emotionally but yet lock me up cuz that woman named me refuse me a DNA cuz I missed court in a state I don’t live in n keep taking food out of my kids mouths n clothes off their back just so I stay out of jail..n this is fair??!!!! Ya only in America
Child support is seen by fathers as money the mother uses for herself. They really don’t take into consideration the extra costs of a second room, utilities, food, gas for driving extra distances, clothes, etc..
Not all men see it this way. There are a lot of great dads that with divorce, the childs welfare is more important then a personal “defeat”.
But now in Texas The Fathers for Families are going a little far with I see as retribution. According to the ABA almost 80% of abusers get full custody of children. He who files first normally wins. And they also have more financial back up to abuse their positions. Even money from the Fathers for Family is greatly given to court systems in Texas where as the fathers really don’t pay for the lawyers etc… The mothers are defamed and the childrens welfare is lost with the Who can pay more in custody battle. Here is the saddest part of all. The parent who is making more than the average (the top 1%) are demanding the child support from the parent who probably cannot afford it after all is said and done. My attitude is we just need collaborative law family courts. Children are not cattle at the Family Court Auctions. And for a mother who makes 800.00 a month while the father makes, 4 million a year. Shows where they heart really is when it comes to being a parent. Just my thought
Right on girlfriend!!!!!!That is the same thing i said.If men don’t want to take responsibility for the children then nobody should have to take care of them when their old. what goes around comes around!Karma;)
There are 2 sides to every story. I am not a deadbeat yet I am in arears
I got sick and couldn’t work for 4 years, I am disabled and my tiny check gets money taken. I love my child and want her to have everything but I am about to be homeless. How will I ever get back on my feet and really pay back the large sum of money I owe? I want to. No phone, car, home, nothing. She is collecting SSI herself, I want to do the right thing but I need a foot up, I suffer everyday with this, I will probably end up killing myself because I am so ahamed. Many will say good riddens, then go save a stray cat.
I am amazed at some of the bitter women in this room. Its so painful to read some of these post because lets be honest…..YOU choose that man or woman to sleep with! Should He or She be punished just because you dont love them anymore. Your right…What goes around does come back around. I wonder what would happen if anyone who receives child support has to SHOW once a year where the childs support is really going. I guess that would make too much Work huh?? I do believe men should educate themselves in this money making system so that they are not dragged in a system ALREADY made against fathers. You can say what you want but until your a MAN and unterstand that not ALL men push their kids on their mothers. They want a relationship, According to alot of cases men have to rights. Then people wonder what is happening to our young Men! Ladies you are awesome, but you could NEVER teach your son how to be a MAN! I believe things will change. I believe this flawed system will change! I believe we as parents will set aside our pride and take care of our children together without the help from outside the family. IJS
So why do we make excuses for non-custodial moms who don’t pay up? I have a friend who has custody of his child, and the mom has been ordered to pay child support, but never has.
He gets called a wimp for expecting child support. Is that right?
…or, when men complain about not receiving child support, they’re told they’re bitter, just want to get back at their ex, are misogynists, etc….
What a biased article- FYI I am a paying mother who has been through hell, feeling forced to give up your child to your ex is like having your heart ripped out! There are dads AND moms who are WONDERFUL parents like me out there who have never lost their child(ren) to substance abuse or anything of a criminal nature. There are plenty of us who have been “bullied” by our ex’s, attorneys,the courts, and the CS laws! We are forced to pay a recieving parent doesn’t deserve it in sooooo many cases. Yes our children deserve to be supported by BOTH parents, but let’s not forget our children deserve much more than that! Trust me, if you had the time to actually hear some of the cases I’m referring to you might not be so keen on your current opinion. The laws ARE out of control for the real parents, no one is saying to let the dead beats get away with not paying support! The laws do create incredible hardships for paying parents who do love and care for their the children “they created”, we have been put in the same class as the dead beats where there should be separation. If you have never been in a financial hardship that you can’t control, than who are you to say it shouldn’t matter- people need to pay regardless? Not a very well supported statement lady, I would love to hear your version of how someone should come up with $$ that literally wasn’t there during times they could in no way pay…
I think they should be held to the law as far as child support goes. I am a father of 3, two live with my x I pay $ 1041 dollars a month and make 50000 a year with no write offs. My job offers no benefits I pay health insurance out of pocket and get my 2 kids the whole month of July, we go on a week vacation witch usually means I don’t get paid but child support still does when they take my taxes at end of year when interest and everything else adds up! Know social security went up I bring home even less. My point is they take and take from the ones who pay and struggle. I asked the case worker what I should do she said work under the table so know I have to be dishonest to keep a roof over my head! What is wrong with this place. It should be if u make 50 and she makes 40 you give her 5 and make it even. She needs a house with or without kids and so do I. Get my point? I stay so stressed out and under pressure I don’t even enjoy normal day life anymore let alone be able to relax and enjoy my family!
Wow, I was just doing a bit of research on the topic of Child Support and hearing all this heartache and drama makes me happy that I turned out gay! I am in my 40s and still trying to get my shit together (went back to college), starting fresh to gain a solid career and start saving for retirement… could you imagine if I had 2 kids to support too? Sheesh!
Though it makes me wonder why men and women aren’t holding back on kids and being careless about pregnancy and birth control. The men seem to be the dumbest though: you leave fertility in the hands of a woman? Are you nuts?
And women: you should be delaying children until you have a solid career, job… whatever…. not just waiting for the knight in shining armor to sweep you off your feet, have babies and then get dumped years later with 3 kids and no financial support whatsoever.
In other words, some of this is preventable.
Whoever wrote this article is out of touch with reality. I am 49 years old I’ve been working since I’ve been 15. I’ve paid into the system for 35 years without missing a beat. I got divorced about 15 years ago with one son who is disabled. I have been paying child support without missing a single payment for 15 years. I became partially paralyzed in an accident at work 2 years ago. so for 2 years it took the Social Security board to recognize I am fully disabled.inthat time i accrued two years of back support. When I was awarded Social Security they took 60 percent of the arrears out of the award of $20,000. They then started taking 800 a month out of my disability to satisfy the rest at the same time they seized my bank accounts and are all
negative how’s that for fairness from the deadbeat who got hurt at work and could not pay after 15 ye partial paralysis and need injections every month without insurance and have a new family with a wife and child
I have not had custody of my boys for 7yrs,The guilt and burdon have made me numb,have not been able to have any social skills,my family moved to greece in 95 father passed away,my first son passed away and the last positive has been taken away…my babies i dont drink but i have the ocatioal joint ,parents shouldnt have the right to make the other parent have supervised urines it should be up to the judge to order them.Im not happy herion addicted parents dont if they are both on the drug.cause they dont want to give it up but different if one does.who is going to make up the 7 yrs my boys had no mother and who is going to make up my lost time.I have a cleaner and helthier enviroment for my boys.
Ok,I paid my first 10 years support with a cashiers check,her name,memo month and amound child support. Ok she waits till he’s ten to file,bank only found me the last 7 years,then all the sudden I owe the first years with 20 percent interest. Now that killed me,no property,takes taxes,paying extra money to pay interest on money once paid. Her family is rich,and I’m calling all over for help with meds,now not able to even function daily. So why paying all these years,I’m looked at like a deadbeat if I can’t work?really?when my sons an adult ill still pay arrears,her family,money gets attorney,poor father with one disfunctional parent for support will pay money to kids mom,while not able to support myself. To you that’s a deadbeat,and her wealthy parents have supported her when she couldn’t work. Your pathetic for trying to label all men ass
deadbeats when they experiance a crisis.
Looking at some of the responses I see that there is a lot of rampant anger permeating this comment string. As a father, dealing with the worst side of the most rigid child support system in the nation (New Jersey). I can absolutely empathize. I feel the need to comment on the response blog Miss Meyer wrote critiquing the second comment on THIS blog. (See the Extorting child support from “innocent” father’s link below) Since I cannot comment on that blog I will write my “critique of her critique” …if you will, here.
Cathy Meyer appears to be your typical advocate for blind faith in family law and insists that CS laws and lawmakers couldn’t possibly be biased or unfair and that if you were treated unfairly then it was in some way most definitely YOUR fault. She seems to imply that a “decent man” would/ should not be outraged (whine) at his current abhorrent predicament and simply “shut up” and take his lumps and just accept whatever the court orders without resistance, no matter how imbalanced the ruling may be…I guess that’s what makes a good father?
I’m not going to run down her entire blog, just address some of the more erroneous and invalid assumptions, sweeping statements and demonstrably slanted opinions spewed all over it. Also I will be speaking from my own research and experiences with both NJ and PA family court systems.
Miss Mayer starts her criticism as follows starting with the commentor’s quote:
“His ex can now go down to the state offices, lie about how much he earns and an order is immediately set in place charging him thousands he cannot pay.”
• “Sorry but that isn’t the way it works. State Child Support Enforcement Offices DO NOT base child support on what a spouse says the parent made. These offices use the Department of Motor Vehicles or The Federal Parent Locator Service to attempt to locate the non-paying parent.If that parent can’t be located they will impute an income into their system based on the last job the parent had and the earnings at that time. The commenter’s ex-wife didn’t lie to child support enforcement. What happened is, she reported him for non-payment of child support, he had disappeared and when they could not find him they imputed an income for him.”
-I’m sorry is this her opinion or a law? If it’s a law then I have legal grounds to sue NJ. I can tell you, Point of FACT that this is EXACTLY how MY support order was determined. Yes, her statement is generally true in most divorce cases but it is absolutely NOT rule of thumb.
ie: I was unable to attend my original hearing both because I did not receive the summons and more specifically, because I was working out of state and could not afford to get back up north for a long time. As such, a default order was determined based on the information my child’s mother provided to social services. I know this because both my child’s mother and the court clerk I eventually contacted (after much frustration) confirmed and matched the inaccurate information given. Had CS done the due diligence Miss Meyer is suggesting then my degree, my previous income, my field and my earning potential would all have been accurately determined right? Not so. The info was all incorrect. They came up with a work field as close as the person recording the information could understand and come up with, assumed a degree and used the NJ employment statistics manual to come up with a ridiculous amount to impute my income to and THAT wasn’t even done properly.
My order was based on a fictitious income that I was not, had never, nor was ever capable of earning. I can provide transcripts to prove this. Doing what they did would mean that they could come up with any number they see fit and if you fail to contest it within their time limit, they can simply say… and I quote a hearing officer: “Well, if you didn’t contest it in time than you either didn’t know your rights or you were saying you could pay it!” Really, this is what we do? Throw stuff up against the wall and if I can’t/ don’t say anything in time, it must be accurate?!..This argument played a strong roll in reducing my order quite some time later.
-Then she moves on to his next quote:
”He seeks a modification; this process takes two years to go through, the end of which the amount is not backdated so he still owes back child support based on an amount he never, ever earned.”
• “Yes, if you wait until the State’s Child Support Enforcement Agency gets your case you can experience a long, drawn out battle when trying to modify child support. If the commenter had gone to court when he lost his job instead of stopping paying child support and forcing his ex-wife to use the agency he would not have ended up in such a battle.”
-First off, my initial point of contention is that she makes this statement as though it were some type of valid excuse for the courts to take their sweet time adjusting his order even if he provides ample evidence that his order was inaccurately determined.
Second she is… again, making invalid assumptions due to her bias. Her statements are both misleading and a bit disingenuous.
I can tell you that this is NOT how it works in NJ or PA and a dozen other states. It of course, varies (which is part of the problem). What typically happens is that the CP will file as a single mom show her income or lack thereof, and pretend she doesn’t know where the father is in order to receive more benefits, most likely cash assistance. DSS will IMMEDIATLEY file for child support FOR her and locate YOU in order to reimburse themselves. Hence the use of the information provided to them by her. CSE doesn’t EVENTUALLY acquire your case in NJ, they receive it automatically.
Next she states:
“He failed to protect himself by using the court the moment he became unemployed and is now angry with the system that was put in place to protect him. It is a convoluted thought process that I see often. He did what many are guilty of doing. He lost his job, stopped paying, ended up on the state’s registry and now is angry, angry, angry at others instead of himself for failing to take the proper legal steps he should have taken in the first place.”
-Again…fallacious and misleading. Here is the problem with her assertion. Going to court as soon as he lost his job would likely not have made much of a difference. Anyone who works in family law…at least in my experience, will tell you that the courts will VERY RARELY reduce an order when you petition them right away. You will likely be denied due to insufficient evidence that you are experiencing hardship or cannot get an equally substantial job. In most cases they won’t even give you a temporary reduction…again this is subject to the state you live in.
What they will most likely do is offer up some sorry program that’s supposed to help you with getting a job. Usually, the same program they use to get people off of welfare. Of which you will undoubtedly be making far less than you used to, anyway. You will go back to court several months from that point and show that you are still not doing well .(and you’d better be close to homeless) They may reduce the order at this point. However, you will to be stuck paying arrears accumulated from the balance of what you could not cover in the order, way back when you first petitioned the court.
Also Miss Meyer will have to be specific about what she means by: “use the courts to PROTECT himself” The courts are not your friend, a safe haven or a counseling session. The law is punitive in nature and there are very few laws to “PROTECT” NCPs from the type of questionable practices I’m describing.
She follows with a response to another quote:
”If he remarries, the ex can go after his new wife’s income for her child support, and yet he doesn’t get to credit his ex’s new husband’s very substantial income in his favor. “
• “Not even close to the reality of the situation. A new spouse cannot be held financially responsible for the support of any offspring other than their own. An ex can NEVER go after the new spouse’s income to pay child support. That is the law folks.”
-This is true…for the most part. However, in NJ a judge can and often will, take into consideration that the NCP, now married/ remarried has support from his/her spouse and therefore is under less financial strain. This of course, is just a roundabout way of attempting to include your spouses’ income in determining your order. (Happened to me!) This is directly from the judges’ mouth. I wish I were making this up.
This part I love… she says:
“I would like to ask him if he would be willing to take on the responsibility alone if he had substantial income and his ex-wife was refusing to help him support the children? One has to wonder how any parent, mother or father gets to the point of believing they should have no financial responsibility just because the other parent “makes enough money.”
-Why don’t you? Better yet, I’ll answer for him…YES!!
I can’t tell you the countless times I‘ve offered to take my daughter full time after hearing the complaining and the “I’m the single mom doin’ it for myself” routine. Over and over I’ve asked for my daughter to come live with me, even if it was just until my ex got to be better situated. Yes, I offered to take her without asking for one dime of support, only that she drop the order while I had her. (BTW I personally know plenty of fathers who have done this.¬) Believe it or not most fathers love and want to raise their children. Anyway, I understand the attachment factor but since she sent my daughter to Georgia without my permission for a year with her sister I’m pretty sure it’s about control and an overly inflated sense of entitlement.
I am one who absolutely believes in personal accountability but I am against any establishment using what I call “deflective law”. These are parameters placed in written laws which allow courts and state agencies to essentially cover their butts in order to alleviate themselves of any responsibility to the role they play in perpetuating these destructive situations.
How, Oh how could the great and infallible court of family law be a pretentious, jumbled mess? Miss Meyer’s fervent defense of an obviously flawed system that is greatly in need of some degree of reform (judging by the mixed perspectives on this comment string and news reports, documentaries etc.) is indicative of the attitude that most people with little to no experience on the receiving end of these so-called fair and just laws (if and when they are abused by one party or the other), maintain.
Family court is usually nothing less than a chainsaw taken to an operation that requires a scalpel, typically doing more damage than good.
Her final comment I have to say insensed me:
“I’m sorry but “good and decent men” don’t whine about paying child support. Good and decent men use common sense when dealing with problems such as a job loss and child support. Good and decent men do not hide from a state agency that is looking for them due to child support arrearages. Good and decent men don’t blame others for mistakes they make and this commenter made the mistake of not utilizing the Family Court System to his best advantage and now wants to blame everyone but himself for the position he is in. By doing so he is doing himself no favor, not to mention what his actions have done to his children.”
-I’m sorry but a “fair and just system” doesn’t promote an adversarial relationship between two parents in a delicate situation that is already strained. A “fair and just system” doesn’t attempt to legislate their own statewide book of family morality. A “fair and just system” does their due diligence when imputing something as serious as a parent’s income. A “fair and just system” doesn’t arbitrarily order a NCP to pay more support than he/she can afford based on a presumed knowledge of income. A “fair and just system” doesn’t create pitfalls in the law for NCPs then throw the blame back on them for not being savvy enough to avoid them. A “fair and just system” doesn’t allow for inept or jaded hearing officers, overworked, apathetic judges, poorly developed regulations and procedures, short sighted laws and other damaging aspects of family law. This is specifically damaging because it consequently affects the very children who’s interests they claim to be protecting.
Sorry for the dissertation broken into 8 comment boxes but I had a lot to say and space is limited.
My wife works at a drive through and my ex comes through and uses her child saport card to by her beer and cigarettes so i know my son dont see a dime of it.yet i pay and then she calls me and wants me to bye his school clothes ect… what is up with that!!! O by the way she gets 400.00 from me.
Responsible noncustodial parents can lose their jibs just like anyone else, except that if they ere still in the marriage and the family’s circumstances were reduced, they wouldn’t be considered criminals. Interest charged on arrearages back in 1997 was a draconian 12%! Many fathers have been unable to catch up on paying this Interest off, even after paying the arrearage amount many times over. What good does it serve to provide the mother tax free income decades after their children have grown up??? Clearly these statutes need serious reform. Many have committed suicide, saddled with huge piles of debt with no end in sight. Do the math sometime. Do you really think its fair to charge a person behind a fe thousand half a million dollars??? Look up the term USURY. It’s not just in the bible. All of us deserve justice, not just who’s in favor politically.