1. People & Relationships
Cathy Meyer

Co-Parenting With The Toxic Ex

By May 27, 2012

Follow me on:

Dealing with a difficult ex can be very discouraging, frustrating and defeating. If there are children involved we feel it is our responsibility to try to have a healthy relationship with our ex for their sake. At times, your efforts to co-parent civilly may not be returned, hence the frustration.

If your ex makes you want to pull your hair out or, run screaming maybe it's a combination of the two of you and how you interact with each other. Learning some new skills for resolving conflict might be all that is needing in your situation.

Then again, maybe your ex is incapable of respecting boundaries or caring about the welfare of his/her children. If you divorced someone who seems hell-bent on making your life miserable then you need to learn how to deal with a toxic ex who can't police their impulse or need to constantly stir the pot and cause friction.

Comments
May 28, 2012 at 12:52 pm
(1) Kim says:

If you are dealing with a toxic ex then they are probably a Narcissist or a Sociopath and because neither con “police their impulse or need to constantly stir the pot and cause friction” or “incapable of respecting boundaries or caring about the welfare of his/her children” as you indicate it is impossible to have a respectable healthy relationship with your ex. What advice to you have for us in this impossible horrible situation. Your skills for resolving conflict will be totally useless in this situation.

May 28, 2012 at 3:25 pm
(2) John says:

The parents must no matter what find a way to deal with the issues of parenting. The kids did not ask for a divorce. Parents must find a way to communicate with each other and not through the kids. The kids need both parents to raise them. For parent to just run away and take the easy way out is not fair to the kids. Grow up and be the parents you are suppose to be.

May 28, 2012 at 6:05 pm
(3) ROBERT says:

My ex-wife is a psychotic control freak who recognizes no one’s rights but her own. My kids, luckily, are almost out of her grasp.(18, 17). However she has damaged they’re viewpoint to such an extent, I have little hope of any contact until they are out of her “web”.
P.S.
She outgunned me with a high-powered lawyer that cost 5 times what I paid, and hates men as much as she does.

May 28, 2012 at 7:34 pm
(4) Kathryn says:

In a these type of cases when you are dealing with someone with a personality disorder (most likely exacerbated by their spouse) you have no choice but to parallel parent. Try to be positive, business like and brief. Don’t expect anything from them that you wouldn’t give yourself. I have been in court for almost 9 years defending myself and realize that our child will grow up and go on to have a life and almost a 1/4 of mine is gone that I can never get back. I left my ex for DV and now at 50/50 he wants me to pay him child support. What he doesn’t know is that I’ll eat rice and beans before I give him child support when he refuses to worker. I guess, you have to ask yourself “what price are you willing to pay for peace?” Sometimes its hard to

May 28, 2012 at 7:40 pm
(5) Julie says:

Kim and Robert – I was home with my amazing daughters for 15 years. I finally got the nerve to leave my abusive marriage a little over a year ago. Every attempt to spend any time with my girls only hurts them – they are with their dad almost all the time in our marital home. He has convinced them that I am mentally ill. Every normal reaction (attempts to discipline) is seen as evidence of my ‘mental illness.’ They have been told that my getting alimony will wipe out their college fund, cause them to lose the house they love, etc… He put them on a witness list against me getting any custody. He refuses to pay temporary alimony. I have a degree and am trying to make money.
I’m living with my parents, a place my girls used to love to visit, but he has convinced the girls my mom and dad don’t want them there. I can’t believe the stunning lies.
I miss my girls horribly. The pain is unbearable despite my efforts to convince myself I’m finally away from my abuser. I’m reading a book on narcissism that is helping me understand his cruelty.
I’ve nearly resigned myself to the hope that I can reconnect with my girls after they graduate from high school.
I’d love to find anyone who can relate.

May 28, 2012 at 7:49 pm
(6) Larry says:

Julie and others I haven’t seen my boys for seven years due to their mother’s parental alienation of me. All the things that you all list are the things that happened to me. The courts NEVER helped or recognized any of the actions my ex took against me. She had me arrested on bogus charges. Found not guilty, but it got too much as the boys turned. To call mothers or fathers that do this narcissist is nice. I will, like others, wait until the boys graduate high school to attempt to reconnect. Has anyone had this experience and been able to reconnect? I have tried with my oldest but he ignores all my attempts or any from my side of his family.

May 29, 2012 at 7:15 am
(7) Donna says:

I too am dealing with a toxic spouse. And now that I stood my ground after 25 years, he has stopped paying the bills to punish me…and I was a stay at home wife/mom. I have had to hide so my car won’t be repossessed before I can find some help. The older kids are convinced by him that I never contributed so I don’t deserve anything because he paid all the bills. Everything is hidden and password protected, I have had no access to money unless he gave it to me and my name is not on those accounts either. I had a few thousand dollars coming from a source he couldn’t control and yet demanded the money or else, all the while still threatening to have my car repoed or not pay the bills etc…and that he was leaving someday anyway…(he always told me he was gone when the kids turned 18)…so I did the only thing I felt I could do since I would not have another opportunity…I refused to give him my money and asked for help from outside the home….first thing he did was call the car company…they demanded I give them my money or the car back…I called an atty. I went to stay with a lady from church and took my 12 yr. old with me. Now I have to beat him to the punch in court so I can be the one with a TPO and restraining order….not that I want him out of the kids lives…the older ones are going to hate me anyway and blame me…and he already sat them down before he did this to me and they were in agreement that mom deserved it because she didn’t pay the bills…I just want him out of my life, for the threats to stop. For me to be able to find peace and heal from the many years of total mental cruelty and abuse. I never want to deal with him again once this is over…

August 6, 2012 at 10:10 am
(8) Debra says:

Julie…If you see this please reply.Iv experienced much the same…it is extremely painful to go on.I’m very sorry you are experiencing horrible repercussions also from the poor behavior & lies /brainwashing your ex has done to your girls…Would U be interested in trading email address? If so…please let me know.We could be a support for one another?!

P.S.My thoughts, my heart & prayers go out to the rest of you too…it IS like hell on earth when there is a chasm between our children and us due to a toxix parent who wants it all & will do ANYTHING to get it even if children experience damage too.

December 9, 2012 at 9:17 am
(9) Lisa says:

I have a toxic ex who makes my life a misery. He hardly sees his daughters and lets them down. He has interfered in my relationship, making threats. I left the marital home as he made my life a misery, kept coming round. He wouldn’t sell the house and it got repossessed all just to hurt me. He is with someone else and I have tried talking to her but nothing works. The police have been involved he harrrasses me with emails and texts and I change my number but he gets it again from our daughter. He rings me at work. Then we don’t hear anything as Goes weeks without seeing the girls. Then gets in touch. He calls me names, tells me my life is a mess and he has this great life and that he is so happy. I just want him to see his daughters and be amicable. He has all the symptons of narcissism. I just wish it would all stop and me and my daughters can have a normal life

December 11, 2012 at 11:55 pm
(10) Louise says:

My ex is discusting. He cheated and managed to find a narsistic young teenage girl to manipulate and make her hate and attack me because he knew I woudn’t put up with his vicious attacks.

They both still to this day attack me and project there behaviour onto me and carry on like high school kids. I sit there gobsmacked most of the time but my best advise is to not react. These Vulture people usually are attacking and bullying because they want a reaction from the ex. I just agree, nod my head and smile now. A lot of things are out of my control so I just accept there nuts pray my son is ok in there care and live life to the best that I can.

February 4, 2013 at 7:38 am
(11) Jennifer says:

To John:
Comments like the ones you posted infuriate me! Let me tell you why… It is way more complicated than simply “growing up” sometimes. Yes I agree that the children should most definitely be kept completely out of it but what do you do when you are the one being the grown up and always encourage the relationship with the other parent and you protect your child from all of the times his dad refuses him or does not want to see him because I cannot bear the thought of hurting his feelings, but then this parent whom you have built up to your child tells your child along with his girlfriend nonstop lies and garbage and your kid does not know any different because you do not stoop to that level? I still will not speak against his father even though me and my fiance are the ONLY ones who care for the child and we are continually being talked about to the point that it has changed my 12 year old. He is so bitter and I am utterly devasted! This is so unfair to my son especially when we are teaching him he does not have to choose between dad/stepdad mom/dad’s girlfriend and have told him that it is just more people to love him and this is ongoing where he is being put in situations where they talk about us nonstop. Sure yes we are taking the court route but who is gonna fix my son’s heart and head?? So I ask you to please think about these things before making a blanket statement such as grow up because when you have a parent who refuses to be a grown up the solution is not that black and white!

February 6, 2013 at 12:00 am
(12) tinayny says:

Thank you Jennifer. My thoughts exactly. Larry, narcissism is a terrible personality disorder that contributes to this horrifically selfish, childish behavior that sadly, only set out to teach the children much of the same. The courts do not seem to protect the well-adjusted spouse from people like that. The best we can do is just collect evidence and keep a journal. Mine is, so far, pretty cooperative with moments of falling off the rails. I have learned I cannot call him out on his bs or he will go ballistic. These people live in another world, where their perceptions are distorted, and they want you to look through the same distorted lens. Their worldview is skewed. Their parenting and relationship skills, toxic. If I can keep calm around him, things are generally ok. I don’t doubt my poor little one senses the tension. But yes, I fear him and his outbursts. Ultimately he is an abuser.

February 6, 2013 at 8:56 pm
(13) Gracie says:

It isn’t always the man that is the abuser. My son is currenty in the Army and just returned from Afganistan. His “wife” is verbally abusive, calls him horrible names, tells him he is a worthless piece of sh… and that he “abandoned” her and their son. When he got leave, he came home to what I believe is a woman who is quite possibly bipolar. She threatens him, with both physical harm and verbally. Needless to say their relationship is over. Now she tells him that if he ever wants to see his son again, he will pay her. The threats are still on going and it is so hard not to get involved. Unfortunately, I live in the same area as my soon to be ex-daughter in law. Just wanted to say that it isn’t always the guy that can be TOXIC.

February 9, 2013 at 11:14 am
(14) Nikki says:

I do not have biological children, but I do have a step-son. I love him like he is my own, but his mother tries to come up with ways to keep him from coming to visit his dad and I. For example, we get him ever Saturday (we only spend 48 hrs with him a week) and more often then not she will ask him if he wants to come to our house of it he wants to stay at her house and play with his friends. What kid wouldnt want to play with friends rather than go visit parents??? And while he is with us she calls and talks to him and tells him they just bought him something and cant wait for him to come home so he can have it or she will tell him how much fun they are having doing this that and the other. So of course that makes him ready to go home unless we are doing something extravigant. There was one weekend that we just let him stay over there with her and then she tried to pull the same crap the next weekend and I told her that it wasnt right for us to go without seeing him for 2 weeks, and asked her how she would feel if she didnt get to see her son for so many weeks. She told me I was insulting her and even called her husband and said I was being mean to her. Now she will not even speak to me or look my direction. I just dont think we should put up with her soming up with ways to try to make my step son not want to come visit us.
The girl is just crazy – She is selfish and does not think this family is important to my step son and does not feel he needs to spend time with us. Again we only see him for 24 hrs a week and before we get him she hugs him and tells him how much she is going to miss him and how she doesnt know what she is going to do without him. By her own admission she is trying to guilt trip him into wanting to stay with her! I dont know how to deal with her anymore. Ive been with my husband for over 6 years and this all seems to be getting worse and not better.

March 12, 2013 at 1:33 pm
(15) Kelly says:

Jennifer, what you said is so true. Time and again I’ve had to rise above and be the better person despite constant verbal abuse, harrassment, and unreasonable expectations. For 18 months, he came & went from my house as he pleased, invaded my privacy, took things, broke things, and I had no recourse. The court allowed him to drag this out, asking us to come back for “settlement conferences” when all that it did was allow him to continue to get away with not paying child support or get anything resolved. My kids have seen him barge into my house, cause huge fights, the police were called, etc. They have also seen his new girlfriend hit him, throw things, etc. Now he is manipulating my kids, and all I can do is love them & allow them to come to their own conclusions about this sick jerk. I get no money for activities, formal dresses, yearbooks, etc. because he “doesn’t have it” but goes to expensive concerts & constantly out drinking. Yes, someone needs to grow up but Thank God my children have one responsible, adult parent.

March 15, 2013 at 1:53 pm
(16) karla says:

Wow! Those of you that say that you must work together no matter what is going on , has no idea what we are going through and should not even be posting on here ubtil they are in the situation, I am a stepmom to 3 great kids and married to a great father, when the ex will actually let him be one. Due to all the mind games and brainwashing and verbal attacks and only allowing him to see the kids 4 days a month. So i have watched a fathers bond with all the kids deterioate over 3 years because of this. I have seen the kids beg their mom to let them spend another night and she says no but to find out later that they spent the night at a friends or an aunts house but not their dads. Oh and the normal excuse we get “sorry we have plans” the kids are getting emotionally abused the oldest tried killing herself 2 times and ran away 4 times, think their is a problem yet, the middle child is a girl and 13 she stays in her room after school or as far away from her mom as possible so she dont get targeted like the 16 yr old and the boy is 10 and free to do whatever he wants and can do no wrong aka known as the goldenchild, so when you live our life feel free to tell everyone that we have to work it out at any costs, it just does not happen that way, oh and the kids are dropped off at a relitives house each night at 8 to stay the night, we have mentioned numerous times we would take them and it still never happens, its so bad the kids asked us to intervene and now we started a custody case, so this should be fun trying to prove a hostile aggresive parenting narricist who is an expert liar to the courts. We have enough doccumation but as i said expert at lying, so to john or whoever said that if you want a feel good story go and read cinderella while we deal with this hell in reality.

March 31, 2013 at 12:02 pm
(17) B says:

We all have our stories and I believe there is abuse on both sides, man and woman. I am a divorced father of 1 child, a 15 yr old son. His mother has had many failed relationships since we were divorced, around 6 to be exact, engaged a few times, maried, divorced and had another baby wihtin 1 year with one. No recent antother engagement until we are in court, and miraculously now they are seperated again. I have been re married now for 8 years, and we are a very stable relationship. My ex spouse is independently wealthy, like multi millionaire. Shes never worked a day in her life, but wants to keep increasing her child support. I make about a 1/4 of what she makes annually. She uses my son against me in the last year, as this is how long this child support case has been going on. She makes it hard in everyway and looks for more “fun” things to do as alternatives for him when its my weekend. Ive becomem to the point of depression and gulit of what I could do more, its effecting my life. Not sure to step up or back off of time with him.

April 7, 2013 at 7:52 am
(18) Rainy says:

Unless you have walked in anothers shoes, you have no ability to understand the power of abuse. I would like to share my thoughts on “toxic relationships”. The abuser is like a parasite. They will feed on their host until death then move to another host. This “relationship” is all about the parasite. It is not symbiotic or a give and take..I am educated and well respected in my career in the health vare industry. I have extensive training and experience in psychiatry with no difficulty in conflict resolution. Yet I remain in a toxic relationship with my ex husband. It takes more than knowledge to overcome and move on in life. It is important to build a support system and most importantly, quit enabling or accepting anything less than the best. Just think…if I feel this way after 12 years, how will my children feel after 18+?

April 18, 2013 at 9:58 pm
(19) brian says:

Just never move to savannah ga. They give a rats ass abt constitutional rights and allow certain attorneys to file everything ex parte. They ignore recusal motions properly filed and never acknowle even the simplest gal motion. But that’s if ur in front of freesemann only if course……

May 27, 2013 at 7:29 am
(20) DFWD-Lite says:

The level of abuse brought on by a toxic ex cannot be explained thoroughly or understood fully unless you have the misfortune of this experience. My abusive ex spouse is a highly manipulative individual, and like most here having children with him is an exacerbating situation, almost unbearable at times. Rational interaction has never been possible and he constantly projects his feelings onto me and the children. The reality, after multiple extramarital affairs, and years of severe verbal and emotional abuse, our 12 year marriage ended. Following our separation, the toxicity did not end as I found myself amid false accusations and harassment as I learned that his parents (yes my ex in-laws) committed identify fraud against my younger sister using her information to obtain housing, an automobile, phone service, and utilities over several years then abandoning multiple unpaid accounts. It took me 12 years to escape this unhealthy experience, but due to the need for collaborative parenting, the toxicity has not ended. At times it seems both unfair and surreal.

June 25, 2013 at 6:56 am
(21) Joanne says:

I am in a constant war with my son’s father. He emails nasty and belittling emails, always putting me down and putting my blood pressure up. My husband helps me a great deal with all of the stresses and says that by not reacting to his verbal tirades, I am taking my power back and giving him none. While this may work in theory, how do I stop feeling like I need to lash out at him?

We have to communicate via email as he is abusive both physically and emotionally, but he continues to turn everything into a battle. In my effort to take the “higher ground”, I still seem to have to put up with his crap. He is always telling my son that I am lazy, a chronic liar and anything else he can to change my son’s feelings about me. Although my son says he doesn’t believe it, it must still hurt him very much to hear these things.

While I am not an angel in all of this because it takes two to make or break a relationship, I try always to refrain from saying negative things about my ex to my son. I assure him that choosing a particular parent to live with is not going to happen, and that things will get easier as he gets older. I am only placating him as as time goes by, his anxiety only gets worse and he does not want to go to his Fathers at all.

How do I deal with the constant barrage of my ex’s venom without retaliating? How do I keep my cool? My husband says my best revenge is to live well. All things will come to pass and my son will see the light on his own. He is only 11 and this battle has been going on since he was 2.

Last night’s email was atypical and my first reaction was to send him back one but I was angry and that would have just fed his flame. Today, I still have not replied. Maybe I won’t at all.

July 16, 2013 at 10:04 pm
(22) Robert says:

I could go on about my ex but it isn’t going to stop her from giving me hell. I love my kids and I’m sick of her using them as hostages whenever she doesn’t get her own way. She is a narcissist and she knows how to manipulate the system to achieve her desired outcome.
By the look of her, ‘butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth’, however people are finally beginning to realize the truth. I am also disgusted by the way she uses our disabled daughter to get more people to feel sorry for her(the ex not my daughter).
In summary, I guess all that I’m saying is that I’m at my wits end!!

July 30, 2013 at 11:05 am
(23) Amanda says:

Julie, i can relate… I have been with my guy 4 yrs, boy and girl, kids and ex were great until this year… he has every Wed and every other weekend, or suppose to… But when it comes time to pick them up, its an excuse why they cant come . she’s convinced them they are sick or the chores we have them do is abuse. We only have them hang up laundry and vacuum, nothing much more than responsibility. Now she tells us the 10 year old refuses to come to our house unless we go to therapy with him. He will only talk to us with his therapist present??? Really?? And the funny part is, my guy has gone to counseling sessions for both kids.. And the ex was great but he was going 3 times a week working full time and a night job that gets hard. She doesn’t work so every day is the same for her… The funnier part is, when they would go to counseling sessions the girl said in front of counselor that the only problem is her mom, she doesn’t let then see their dad cuz she has problems with him .. Nothing bout us so now since my guy felt it was issues on that end they quit going and now the ex says the kids refuse to come until we see counseling. Its her way and control.. And you would think after 12 years she’d be over whatever her issues are.. Now we’ve missed the summer with the kids and we’ve called cops cuz she is in contempt of court but what’s the use if kids look at cop while holding their moms hand saying i don’t want to go to my dads. my guy is a great father. I cant wait to have kids of our own. Just is sad its like this. I hate seeing his heart broke.

July 30, 2013 at 11:11 am
(24) Amanda says:

Nikki,
That is the same thing I am going through! she does it all the time I also just posted something to Julie. I hate it. she convinces them to stay with her and that dad isnt anyone special. She’ll make sure she talks to them everyday when and if they are with us to say “I got you a surprise” or “Im taking you somewhere special” and of course , they dont go or do anything. Just excuses to be away from their dad. Its ridiculous.

July 30, 2013 at 11:21 am
(25) Amanda says:

Larry, (wow love these posts, makes me feel like im not crazy) yes, his ex does it to him all the time. She posts on FB that he is a horrible father and that he has all these charges against him (which are none) and tells people he refuses to see the kids. NO we try every weekend that is our weekend to see those kids, but now like i was telling Julie, the ex wants us to go to counseling and since we arent the kids refuse to come. My step kids have a phone but they never answer, but you bet when they are with us that phone is in their hand and they constantly talk to their mother, we never get OUR time. Or like I was telling Nikki, she calls all the time to tell them bout gifts they have when they get home so of course they want to leave us and go to their moms. She started to tell me that my guy was abusive and she didnt want anyone with him and I told her funny hes never done it to me and seemed like since i didnt agree with her she said she was taking our wednesdays away from us, and i told her whatever happened with him and her was 12 years ago.. has nothing to do with me or those kids and they need both their parents, but she has succeeded, we havent seen the boy since march, and the girl since may, well she came once last weekend but we wonder why now, and now she wont come?? doesnt make sense.. but now that i “disagreed” with her, she keeps telling everyone I attacked her and that the kids dont need to be around that… wow… i can go on and on bout our story.. you cant PAY someone to make this up!

September 10, 2013 at 11:44 am
(26) john capper says:

Why is this thread just lots of people saying ‘I’ve got the same problem, here’s my story…….blah blah blah’??? While I sympathise totally( I’m in the same sorry place myself) what it needs here is some people with at least some attempt at answers, not loads of people saying ‘yeah, I’ve got the same problem (wonder what the answer is….)….I’m not saying there’s an answer…..just give us some hope somebody!!!!!

September 10, 2013 at 8:34 pm
(27) Laurie says:

The reason there are so many people commiserating is because the courts do LITTLE to the perpetrator of the toxicity. My exhusband is a lawyer and regularly uses the court to abuse me. I did hire a high-priced lawyer which helped for about three months, but he is back at it. I will have to pay more money to stop his abuse. Until judges stop allowing the toxic behavior to take place, there is little that CAN be done.

October 26, 2013 at 10:34 pm
(28) Ann says:

I left over 3 years ago from a narcissistic husband. He put me through hell. He tried to turn kids against me. He turned friends against Me. I moved out. Left him everything. Took kids. Got protective order. Started fresh. It was worth it. He tried for 3 years to control me through kids or police. I was a step ahead and didn’t back down. My advice. . Fight strong and hard. You can come out alive and stronger!

November 8, 2013 at 3:39 pm
(29) Barry says:

I am also in a battle with my ex wife. She has done her best to make me out to be a monster with a non molestation order and several bizarre statements about my character(none of it is true). At the beginning she was winning and I was reacting to her and giving her more ammo to beat me with but I have now learnt to do…..Nothing. It drives her crazy and it makes her try more and more. This has been going on for a year now and due to my solicitor and I stance of sitting back and not reacting to her claims/demands. Over a period of time her true colours have shown through and both my solicitor and the courts(custody battle) are starting to see the truth.

Someone is looking an answer? DON’T FEED THE WEIRD NEED OF CONTROL

November 13, 2013 at 1:56 pm
(30) Deadtome says:

Maybe one should ask why the parent is toxic? Perhaps if my divorce was not such a one sided fiasco I would not be bitter. My ex wife cheated, took the house, the kids, the dog, got a large settlement of cash from a my side of the family from an inheritance. t all went her way, ask and you shall receive. Funny how when the ex wife was cheating with a neighbor, taking your money and removing you from your home against your will you were not important. Now that the divorce has all gone your way and you have it all, now Dad is important. Why doesn’t he come around? Why is he bitter? What a child? Spoken like someone who got it all. We are still a family after divorce? I think not. Sorry mom, cant have it both ways. My ex says I “live in the past”, no actually I live in the present when I pay this “independent” women almost half my paycheck. Screw someone over long enough and they are gone.

November 20, 2013 at 12:24 pm
(31) Nicole says:

Nikki, I too have experienced that treatment. I have been with my husband for over 11 years and I wish that I could say it gets better. My step children are now in High School and their mother’s games are getting more and more extravagant. It’s to the point that the children verbally admit that the only way to keep their mother off their backs is to stop visiting our house completely. Their mother has successfully turned one of the children against us by playing mind games and laying guilt trips. My only hope is that all the children involved will not come away completely messed in the head…

November 22, 2013 at 9:24 pm
(32) Tyler says:

My ex wife (Separated for 8 months now) has suffered from depression and anxiety for most of her life. It worsened as our marriage went on and finally our relationship hit the breaking point. We have two children aged 8 and 4 whom we are splitting custody with 50/50. She has always been a stay at home mom so she doesn’t have a job. I am paying for both households right now and although I don’t mind keeping a roof over the head of my childrens mother finances have been very tight.
Most importantly, and what I would like some advice on, is since our split her depression has spiralled out of control to teh point of a few hospitalizations and constant visits to the doctors office. My son (aged 8) I feel, is being held accountable for her happiness and well being, to the point of him bringing her food in bed because she sits in bed and cries all day.
I talk with my kids a lot about the situation and what is happening and when they are with me I make sure that every moment is light and fun and happy. I tell them that both their mother and I love them very much and that none of this is their fault.

At what point do I take full costody of my children? I don’t want to keep them from her, but I feel like they are being negatively impacted by her behavior. I only want her to be able to take the time to get healthy and happy and back on her feet so she can enjoy our children and they can enjoy her.

December 6, 2013 at 12:42 am
(33) Alex says:

Wow, really folks, I’m trying to watch Duck Dynasty. Y’all makes me thinks u hails furm those parts of the woods. Read and incorporate.

1. Stop whining and NEVER whine in front of your child(ren).
2. DO NOT lie too or use your child to manipulate your ex EVER.
3. Sue your ex for slander, libel or defamation of character.
4. But first, gather hard physical evidence of any kind. (This does not include your best friend whom is a teenage female and single parent).
5. DO NOT hire an attorney for simple family law matters. Find a blank “motion” for your state on line, fill in the blanks, pay the fee, and go to court. DO NOT bring family or friends as witnesses.
6. ALL lower courts are corrupt. They are elected “judges” and are there to influence and change the law as they see fit.
7. Keep gathering evidence. Hire a reputable private detective if necessary. They have the skills to find information you never knew existed!
8. Go back to court. If that fails gather more proof and go back to court.
9. In order to maintain your sanity you must remember that this is not an emotional situation-this is a evidenced-based situation.
10. If you are not a strong enough parent to due the above and you “think” you are in the right- you should not be raising a child period.
11. Watch Duck Dynasty and laugh a little.

January 22, 2014 at 2:14 pm
(34) SAH says:

I really agree with kim. I have struggled since my daughter was a child with a narcisstic ex. I know people toss the words around, but in many cases it is quit apparent to everyone. My ex over the last 25 years has left a trail of hurt from her dysfunction. I am convinced people who are permanently angry, unforgiving, and vicious have some level of mental or emotional problems.

January 31, 2014 at 5:36 am
(35) Liss says:

To those hoping to reconnect with adult children once they are beyond the grasp of manipulative and deceitful ex partners – there is light at the end of the tunnel! My brothers fiancé was manipulated by her mother as a child and was led to believe many untrue things about her father and his new wife and half brothers. When the mother then divorced the step dad and started saying the same spiteful and untrue things about him, the daughter was old enough to realize it wasn’t true, therefore her father might not be all those things either. Donahue reached out to him.

Long and the short of it is that she now has nothin rondo with her mother, and when she marries my brother next month, her father and her stepfather will be the ones walking her down the aisle!

April 5, 2014 at 12:15 pm
(36) Mom24 says:

To hear these stories, I do not feel so alone, my ex is NUTS, I mean he is constantly threatening, wanting to interfere in my relationship with my husband..whom thankfully sees his bs…I got a LAZY court and ended up losing physical custody to an alcoholic, sadistic abuser…all because they do not want to take time out of their lives to enforce assessments. He is constantly saying he will make our lives difficult because he can and he feels like it, and trying to put me on edge by saying he is up to stuff to make me miserable, and when i try to keep it about the kids he loses it and calls me names and says i will never see my child. I LOVE love love my child but omfg sometimes I just cannot do this, but my love and faith for my child and prayers that karma will kick my exe’s butt one day, keep me holding on….and thank the Lord I have an awesome supportive husband…..

Leave a Comment

Line and paragraph breaks are automatic. Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title="">, <b>, <i>, <strike>

©2014 About.com. All rights reserved.