Jerry Sandusky sexually abused 10 boys over a 15 year period. What did the majority of those boys have in common? They were fatherless! Sandusky's charity, "Second Mile" describes itself as an organization for underprivileged and at-risk children.
No one is more "at-risk" when it comes to a sexual predator than fatherless boys. Being raised in a single parent home doubles a child's risk of being sexually abused and Sandusky was brilliant when it came to knowing which children to target and how to target them.
The first few years after my divorce my ex was somewhat involved in our son's lives. He took advantage of seeing them every 14 days but that was it. Within 4 years of the divorce he had removed himself altogether from their lives.
I was hyper-vigilant about taking care of my sons. Neither was interested in sports activities but I remember wishing they were. In my mind such activities would give them the opportunity to build relationships with men who would have a positive influence.
I've shuddered more than once and been very thankful that they were more cerebral than physical since the news broke of the problems at Penn State with Jerry Sandusky.
This story is proof that what I thought would be a safe haven for my children can hide evil that will steal a child's innocence. It adds a new fear to the already fearful and stressful lives of mothers who are raising fatherless boys.
What can we as a society do to keep predatory pedophiles from harming our children? Men can open their hearts and invite a fatherless boy to be part of their life. Don't leave single mothers alone to worry about who will be a positive, male role model for her children.
You can:
- Take a fatherless boy fishing,
- Teach a fatherless boy how to play golf,
- Help a fatherless boy with a school project,
- Take a fatherless boy to a football or baseball game,
By reaching out, you can show a fatherless boy that he is not alone, that he belongs to a community that cares. You can teach him, through example, how to respect himself and others. You can fill a void that will one day keep him from turning to drugs, alcohol or destructive behaviors.
You can make all the difference in the world by simply paying a little attention to a boy who needs what you have to give, a positive male influence.
It’s not just fatherless boys. I have 2 daughters 10 and 14. The 14 year old has pretty much estranged herself from her dad (my ex) as a result of inattentiveness by him and alcohol and drug addictions. She CRAVES attention from her grandfather who is the only guiding male figure in her life. I have told her to let go of the anger towards her father. She won’t even say hello to him when he does see my 10 year old which is maybe 5 or 6 times a year. It breaks my heart that she has to go through this. All I can do is be there for her and thank God above that at least she has my father who can love her!
While on one side, children of single mothers with nonexistent or limited contacts with their original fathers need some kind of compensation, on the other side, there are men like me who seek contacts with children because they wish and think they are able something to give and help for mutual satisfaction. I am just over fifty, married for over twenty years, with a daughter of 21. Always had wished wife give birth to another child, later also I was thinking about adoption as the option to increase family, neither of these, unfortunately, happened because of disagreements with wife and separation from her. That left me unfulfilled and with unused parental potentials. I can say I have never before thought so directly about fatherless boys (or also girls) in terms of various possibilities to help them of importance of this such as described here. So this is in fact a great discovery for me, it opened my eyes! Thinking about this now, help to a fatherless boy could be given in various ways and under various conditions, because not only situation of a fatherless child can be different (e. g. real father exists or does not, his relation with mom can be different etc.), also situation of someone willing to help filling gaps can be different (e. g. can be a single male or divorced, with different levels of experiences with own children etc.). As for the point of view of single moms, not all of them are that lucky like Lisa to have capable father at hand for help. And not also, not real fathers can be just ignored. On the contrary, in most cases they will have to be respected, because of their importance for their sons, in particular if they are not drug addicted, lazy and the like, but only absent because of divorce, employment. I think there may be a lot of such cases, and someone willing to help must be well educated and experienced to be able to make good effects for the boy and his mom and help even strengthen links between the boy and his real father.