1. People & Relationships
Cathy Meyer

Why Most Divorces Are Initiated By Women

By June 24, 2012

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Women initiate two-thirds of divorces and far more of the separations, according to a nationally representative study by the American Association of Retired People. This study is based on surveys of more than 1,000 divorced men and women, aged 40 to 79.

The most common reason the women gave for divorce was verbal abuse and emotional neglect. At the time of divorce many of their husbands had no idea what hit them. Or, so they say.

According to AARP men are "caught off guard" when a wife requests a divorce. Being a woman and, knowing women the way I do, we talk about our marital concerns. We are problems solvers, communicators and when it comes to our marriages we tend to be more concerned about the state of the relationship than men.

Women usually are the first to suggest marital therapy. We buy self-help books on marriage and relationships to try and improve things. We have a tendency to not only express our concerns about the marriage to a spouse but to also talk to friends. In other words, before us women give up on a marriage, we leave no stone unturned when it comes to attempting to solve the problems in the marriage.

Below are examples of why women leave from a few women I coached over the years:

1. "I'm only important when he wants sex."

2. "He comes home from work, eats, turns on the television and zones out. I clean the kitchen, bathe the kids, fold the laundry and then he gets upset when I'm too tired for sex."

3. "I've never heard him say he is sorry. He plays golf every Sunday, watches football on Saturday but when I tell him it hurts that he doesn't want to spend time with the family he tells me I'm too sensitive."

4. "I greet him at the door every evening asking how his day went. I listen, empathize and show concern for what he goes through at work. We've been married for 13 years and have 3 children. I work as a receptionist, take care of all child related needs and housework and he has NEVER, not once asked me how my day went."

5. "He has to be stroked. If he cleans up the kitchen he struts around like he has done me some huge favor. If I don't bow down and kiss his feet he becomes defensive, tells me I don't appreciate him. I work, take care of the children, the house, mow the grass on the weekends and if a car gets washed I do it. For some reason though he doesn't feel a need to fawn over me for all I do."

6. "He changed the moment we married. We have no friends, we no longer go out to dinner or casually take in a Sunday afternoon movie. He seems to go out of his way not to spend any time with me other than sex. When I talk to him about feeling neglected he is absolutely mystified, just can't understand and tells me I'm expecting too much from a husband. He even told me once that there were many women out there who would love to be his wife."

Why are women divorcing men? The examples above say it all. Women want a husband they can trust, someone who is interested in them and their needs. They want a husband who takes their feelings into consideration. They don't want a husband who takes them for granted or tells them their expectations are too high. Especially when all they are asking for a is a husband who is emotionally invested in the relationship.

Maybe fewer men would be "caught off guard" by divorce if they spent more time listening to and hearing their wives instead of viewing her needs and concerns as unreasonable and demanding.

Comments
July 2, 2012 at 2:45 pm
(1) Meiewe says:

However, not one of these ever stated that they cuckold a man. I find that interesting, since women are emotional and will jump at another man who tells them they are pretty or sexy or exceptional. The grass is greener on the other side, ONLY because you don’t water your yard. Read “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” if you want to know what to do. If divorce is your answer, then you didn’t turn over every stone.

July 2, 2012 at 3:41 pm
(2) Doug says:

I was one of those “caught of guard” guys. I thought that by working and providing for my wife and children I was doing my job and she was doing her job. I admit that I took my wife for granted. But, from my side of the fence I have to say this: 1) Women should do a better job of preparing their husband for the divorce so that their lives can become separate more gracefully and there is no unnecessary war over assets and finances. If you want to be Miss Independent, go get a job, put the kids in daycare and then talk about seperation 2) This society does not encourage men to connect with others in this way. Testosterone destroys the communication parts of our brain when we are in utero – it’s a fact. Further, we’re forced to sign up for selective service whereas women are not. It’s as if from birth we’re geared for war and failure at relationships. If only we could be taught how to connect with others on the level you’re talking about. Why are little boys not given baby dolls to take care of instead of toy guns, for example. It’s not that men need to do it better. Society does.

July 2, 2012 at 4:13 pm
(3) Hank says:

Verbal Abuse and emotional neglect: That is exactly what happened to me (and I am a guy). My ex-wife was a verbal abuser and was emotionally distant. I hope the author did not mean to imply that women are incapable of this behavior.
This article states things from a woman’s viewpoint only. I doubt if it is that one sided in most cases. Regardless of gender, nobody likes to be taken advantage of. Both sides are responsible for the children and running the household.
My belief is that women and men are both capable of being nasty and ignoring their partner. The reason why women initiate divorce is simple: fear. Women are just not that afraid of being lonely. Men are terrified of that. I know that women who become widows tend to last about 15 years whereas a man who becomes a widower lasts only 3 years.

July 2, 2012 at 5:13 pm
(4) Always Second After Him says:

Emotional detachment hurts and destroys relationships. If I could find a man who wasn’t self absorbed it would be a miracle. I am married to a fifty year old child. But not for long.

July 2, 2012 at 6:58 pm
(5) marianne says:

When you are with someone for twenty years and feel as if all is well and then you get broadsided because your husband decides he wants both wife and mistress and even gets a wedding dress for the mistress it is time to throw him out as far as you can. Even when a marriage counselor tells you he don’t come back because your husband doesn’t want to change…it is time to throw him out.

Funny how when you least expect it, life throws you curve balls and my husband threw one big one at me. After establishing all we worked hard for a mistress is more important…he definately took advantage of me.

July 2, 2012 at 7:35 pm
(6) Donna says:

Interesting the comment from Meiewe…he sounds like he hates women….what the article didn’t give examples of though it mentioned before the examples is verbal abuse. I initiated the divorce after 25 yrs of marriage to a man who told me I was worthless and didn’t contribute. He abused very occasionally physically in the past, though I did strike back and he constantly put me down and told the kids not to listen to me, I was the problem and so on and so forth. I begged him to go to counseling, I read relationship repair books, I tried to spend time with him. He refused to sleep in the same room with me for years and never touched me. So I put up with a lot to save things when he flat wasn’t interested. He said he was leaving me when the last kid turned 18 anyway. Now he hates me for getting the balls to file.

July 3, 2012 at 12:02 am
(7) patricia (@pppatticake) says:

To recognize you are a thing to be used as needed and not a human being, that your health, welfare, thoughts, cares, desires matter not at all and that you are demeaned with disdain, silent treatment, triangulation as well as calculated deprivation of every expressed request including all forms of intimacy, not just sex, is the sad state every man or woman unfortunately married to the personality disordered, the extremely dysfunctional or the sociopathic comes to understand. It is an horrible discovery a spouse DOES NOT WANT TO ACCEPT, but accept it they must, because these people do not change, do not submit to therapy and do not have any human empathy–and empathy is the only basis from which marital therapy, reconciliation and amends and repair can spring–without the basic human parts, there is no alternative but to get away rather than allow such a spouse to kill you slowly via nonstop abuse, sabotage, manipulation and smear campaigns, endless chaos, or await the violent blow up of the disordered spouse when they realize you have come to terms with the entire source of all the marital difficulties and it isn’t the lazy, mooching, bloodsucking, ingrate you were constantly TOLD THAT YOU WERE, it is the deranged sicko projecting all their actual maladies upon their partner. Cuckold, eh? Hmmm, that is victim blaming and backward–those who do not treat others with basic respect, love, care, and attention aren’t cuckolded, they are run away from because this behavior is thoroughgoingly and utterly repulsive–

July 3, 2012 at 9:32 am
(8) Jerry M says:

Bottom line … The problems begin with how boys and girls are raised, taught, and given pie eyed dreams. Once we grow up, reality hits and a lots of people just cannot cope so they bail. Plus they get nasty about it. Hope this changes one day for the betterment of all.

July 3, 2012 at 11:47 am
(9) Samson says:

Statistically women file for divorce almost 75% of the time. I make no excuse for loser guys that cheat on their wives, are abusive, do not take care of their woman, kids, or home. Woman should file for divorce from those guys.

There is a whole other category though where a woman is unhappy, cheat, or frankly they get a “good deal” through the courts financially. If someone were to say to me you get half of everything that guy ever worked for, get paid thousands per month, and now get to sleep around, who wouldn’t take that deal. In this “no fault” – “throw away” world I think divorce is just to easy of answer in many circumstances.

Ultimately a relationship takes work. If you have a good man, take care of him, make him take care of you. Work on the relationship. Woman are problem solvers? I question that….

Mine looked at the $ and said F-him, I don’t need him, he has made enough $ so that she can live great…. Problem solved. My kids and I would differ on that…..

July 3, 2012 at 1:55 pm
(10) agony says:

From what I have read, seen, and heard is that divorce comes from not talking and not listening to each other. If they really do not want a divorce they would find away to make it work. Such as going to a counselor to find out what really is the problen and to get it out in to the open in stead of hinting and side stepping the real issue. But don’t forget the irreconcilable differences, meaning that one person just has to have their way not matter what, and that usually is the one that files for the divorce. I really think that this artical is all one sided.

July 4, 2012 at 4:44 pm
(11) Alan says:

Your overgeneralizations are hurtful to men. In my relationship, *I* was the one reading self help and relationship books. I did everything short of throwing myself under a bus to save my marriage and family, and my wife sat idly by critiquing me and my growing desperation as my singular efforts did nothing but make me feel more alone and detached by the day.

My ex-wife left NO stones overturned…she refused to do any introspection whatsoever. So all you women out there who may use this article to justify filing for a separation, remember that it’s a two-way street. If you have a husband who is doing everything possible to work on himself and your relationship, and seems frustrated at your lack of work, it might be helpful for you to take that cue and communicate with your husband first before filing those papers.

Oh, last but not least, I filed the separation papers once I realized the situation was hopeless. I was under no illusions that being divorced form this woman and being a divorced Dad would make everything easier. It NEVER does…neither for the formerly married partners or the children.

My advice? Own your shortcomings….acknowledge them repeatedly and never stop holding out olive branches to your partner to make things work. If you think you’re being verbally abused, it’s more than likely that you’re dishing it out as well…these things do NOT occur in a vacuum. This is not blaming the victim, whatsoever….just saying that it takes two to tango and that when one person is looking for a reason to leave, they find it and usually forget to look at themselves in the mirror. Amazing the destruction self righteous anger can do.

“You’re caught up in the power
A blue magical maze
Now the circle is broken
In a spellbinding rage
Better see if you’re holdin’ the wrong edge of the blade”

July 6, 2012 at 1:00 pm
(12) Janice Molnar says:

I have lived with a man who is not been emotionally there for me for the last 15 years at least. I have tried counseling myself, we have gone to counseling together (finally) but after several months and finally getting close to issues. He quits. Due to an accident several years ago that set us back financially I started to work outside the home. This has created many issues. Although he is now fine and perfectly able to work he does not try to support the family and has even stated in counseling that he is not trying. He does not help at all at our home. We have 4 children still living with us. One is under 18. He says he doesn’t trust me. I have never given him any reason not to trust me and have consistently tried to reassure him. He is very angry toward me and puts me down. He has recently threatened to walk away from everything, I can totally relate to the statements above and feel like they have been walking in my shoes for the last number of years. I don’t want a divorce but I can’t make someone try in a relationship

July 28, 2012 at 3:51 am
(13) Derek says:

Very Interesting, My wife and I have been married for four years. In our first year of marriage we had a son who is now three. We never had the opportunity to connect she poured herself into him. He slept in the bed between us, we never dated and commnication was at a all time low. Instead of having an affair I poured myself into community projects. This intensified our distance and we argued and name called for year. There was no evidence of infidelity or physical abuse on my part.

I will admit I did talk on the phone with one of my ex-girlfriends due to our lack of communication. Every attempt to reconcile with her was met with total oppostion. Last year we separated and atttended counseling. I went in with an open mind and accepted my shortcomings and make the requiste modifications to my behavior to save our marriage. However, my wife has refused and rebuffed the counselors suggestions that we find a babysitter and carve out time for each other. Imagine living in an household were you and your spouse don’t date, communicate or share intimacy. Last week she informed me that depsite my attempt to save our marriage that I was a manipulative liar and that the relationship counselor was full of BS.

So I have been keeping my distance from her, now she thinks I am dating. Life is too short if your offer an olive branch it must come from someone who is sincere and must be accepted. I plan on filing for divorce in the next six weeks. But take it from someone who went through 11 months of professional marital counseling if the other party is not willing to accept constructive criticism and change do not waste your time, you will be puttting the inevitable on layway which will just intensify the hurt.

August 28, 2012 at 10:33 am
(14) dottie says:

Me and my partner are currently apart. I stayed home and cooked clean and took care of the kids etc, what a women does best and enjoyed doing so. He is a great father, and a very hard working provider for his family who only lacked in being a husband.
Anyways, to cut the story short, I am not the type of woman who will stop the kids seeing their father, or want to settle any differences in court because one of us being spiteful over a break up and the energy wasted on hatred.
As for my partner… he WAS the opposite AT THE TIME and took the kids without letting me see them, i did nothing because i knew he was upset, angry, shocked and needed to calm down.
i trust him, hes the father to my kids and a good one at that. He just needed to realised that even though we are apart, our children need both of us. it took him 2 weeks to come around but atleast he let me spend some time with them a few times during the 2 weeks and kept me informed on their wellbeing.
We aint settling anything in court nor fighting everyday for the rest of our lives because we both came to terms that we are adults and mature enough to sort our own crap out. Running eachother down about the flaws we once put up with aint gonna solve anything because IF there is kids involved, the last thing they should be hearing
is negative comments about the other parent. I am glad we sorted things out for ourselves and proud that we made our own decisions without any legal help. you just need patience and time to think, wisely.

September 24, 2012 at 3:07 am
(15) surely confused says:

Yea, they turn every stone over and talk to everyone else, but us (husband). Then they tell another male their problems and when he moves in on her vulnerability, she thinks she’s in love. She has an affair and files for a divorce. Most of the time the husband never knows that she was unfaithful. However, I wasn’t stupid and I saw the signs, so I hired a P.I., and gained the proof I needed. I wonder what percent, of the 75% woman filing for divorce, had an affair before they filed and their husband never had a clue, and still don’t. Probably 50% or better. I know many men who cheat, so I know its a two way street. However, I’m not one of those men. I loved my wife with all my heart and my morals would never allow me to do so. My character is in tact, I will say. When men do cheat, they don’t normally leave and as the percentage shows, they don’t normally file for divorce either. But with woman, its a different story altogether. I believe, if we put God first in our lives, everything else will work accordingly. All w hear is, “God bless America!” Well, if you ask me, I believe its about time that “America starts blessing God!” Amen! Hallelujah! Where’s the Tylenol!

September 29, 2012 at 7:27 am
(16) Dana says:

I agree, at least 50% of men are either rapists, thieves, drunkards, or satanists. These female initiated divorces are examples of women fighting back against their phallic-centric overlords. Of course these poor women were obviously coerced into the marriages, perhaps their fathers sold them to the highest bidder, the winning price averaging at about two and a half goats. And when a woman finally manages to escape her life as sex slave baby producer? The chauvinist male court system makes her take half of his wealth, a demeaning and patronizing gesture. And they even have the audacity to make her have full custody of the children, exactly what the father wanted no doubt (he never spent any time with them anyways, always at that “work” thing, working on what?). Sure he sends his alimony/child support/devil money every month, but he probably gets it from pimping out his current “girlfriend” (see:future sex slave). And sure, being in her rich 28 year old fiancee’s arms at night does help lessen the sting of oppression, but it doesn’t stop her worrying. Worrying that even if Paulo does turn out to be better than Frank, she might have to leave him. The patriarchy-endorsed divorce money she would get from him may be needed to feed her kids. The child support payments from Frank just aren’t enough. How in the world are you supposed to buy a month’s supply of designer couture purses and still have enough left over to feed two growing boys with only half a plumber’s salary? But, such is life under the patriarchy. Just don’t forget to keep the hope alive sisters, women like comrade Meyer here are fighting for us.

We will overcome. Vagina pride, world wide.

October 15, 2012 at 1:10 pm
(17) Douglas Hayes says:

This is all CRAP, the reason a woman has control and divorces is because in most cases they are gold-diggers, they can take the man’s paycheck and his kids, life away from him without cause or even a single reason other than money. Family Law is out dated and men are guilty in every divorce case. Change Family Law and I promise the percentage of divorce rates will go down. Men are not always GUILTY as the courts seem to always think… My ex-wife did everything from steal money from companies that she worked for to stealing money from me, her dad, my company credit card, to this day she is stealing money from me in daycare expenses that my kids don’t attend, taken her to court many times without success and costing me more for attorney fees…

October 22, 2012 at 6:30 am
(18) Ganesh says:

My name is Ganesh from Philippine, I was in a relationship with woman and we loved and cherished ourselves for 3 good years and every thing was going on smoothly but February 14th 2012 a day i can call a lovers day we both had misunderstanding because i answered a call from a 43 years old woman that is asking me out for a date but i refused. My partner told me that the relationship is over and that she is fed up with me and i begged her because i love her so much but she refused me, i was so down eager to cast a spell and i felt the world has come to an end for me but my friend told me about a spell caster that helped his sister out in getting her relationship back, a good job and favor in any of her endeavor but at first i was scared because i do not believe in spell but i have to give this man a trial because i love her very much and i am not willing to loose her to any man, so i ordered a bring my partner back from this wonderful spell caster. He told me the requirement and i act according to his instructions. It all happened that one day after taking dinner, my Peggy came to house knocking and she apologized for all that has happened. She is lovely more than ever and i am happy that i met Priest of Temple of Permanent Healing… If you need his help you can contact him on email templeofpermanethealing@gmail.com

October 26, 2012 at 10:18 pm
(19) Robert says:

As a guy in his 40s in a happy marriage, it’s astonishing to me how little acknowledgement there is between some couples. In most relationships, both partners really are working hard and doing the best they can.

My wife and I always ask each other how our days went, whether for her demanding role as homemaker/ mom or my own demanding executive job. We’ve heard much of the homemaking spouse who is taken for granted by an uncaring, TV-slumping “breadwinner” (male or female) and can finally take no more. But how many of those take the paycheck and decades of support, the big house, the status, the annual holidays, and finally the divorce payout, for granted?

And statistically, most of those unacknowledged breadwinners still give loyalty and support, rather than throwing it up in divorce. Emotional support, interest and respect must go both ways.

November 8, 2012 at 5:07 pm
(20) jamie Smock says:

Robert:

I agree with you although my marriage has issues. in my marriage the issue was about who made the most money. I made the less; therefore less representation.

November 14, 2012 at 10:16 pm
(21) Bill says:

I have six friends and family divorced this year alone. Every single divorce was done by the woman. This is a massive problem that is never covered by any media. I was a great husband and my wife told me over dinner that she was moving out after 12 years of marraige and 3 kids. I later found out she had an affair. There was no warning and I was left financially destroyed. Today’s woman is very selfish and will move heaven and earth and even ruin there own children’s lives all for their happiness. I have seen so many lives ruined because all of these women divorcing their husbands. Some guys diserve it, but no man is perfect. Women now have been trained to think their lives will be better with divorce. Nothing could be further from the truth. All the women that divorced my friends and family are living in povertly single with so many shattered lives from their decision. Women have to much power in a marraige and cause massive destruction to the American family all because their never ending search for happiness and incredible selfishness. Don’t get married guys. June Cleaver is dead!

November 15, 2012 at 12:44 am
(22) Spartacus says:

I am heading into my second separation in three years within the same marriage. I think that he saddest thing about divorce is that it breeds just more divorce. My 6 and 4 year old are learning how to give up when things are tough. This is something I already struggle with in my own personal life and I have started and quit so many things like college, jobs, projects… I can’t even keep track of them anymore. It is so devastating to be the one who doesn’t want to leave and yet I will be relieved when he smoke clears and I can be happy again. This will still leave my kids though. Ouch!Out of all he counseling I have gone through and the various books, it all came down to making sense with one book called love and respect. That nailed it in the head for me. Women’s love language is love and men’s is respect. Of course they work together within each other but he first need men desire is that they have what it takes to raise that family. It is in our nature to fight and die for our family so we have the need to be validated for what we do. Women and culture think that we need love first and that we think like them. Men we need to daily assure them of our love and communicate that but I all comes down to which comes first because love and respect always file each other and the la k of either kills he other on a daily basis so if u want your husband to love u tommorow tell him how much it means to that he works hard to provide

November 21, 2012 at 4:16 pm
(23) jessica says:

well ,my suggestion to the guys on here is either marry a foreign woman who does not know her rights…yet! With the advent of the internet you can only treat them like shart for so long. You can not marry at all, you could actually take care of your wife the way you would want her to take care of you, or get a great lawyer. I love how the MRA guys insist that courts are so against men in these cases, but the court system is over 50% male, with these positions in prominence – not secretarial. So your own kind is screwing you over. Stop blaming women; hell, all we are doing is acting like you all.

November 25, 2012 at 8:51 pm
(24) tanesha says:

Actually the grass isnt greener. Very few men know how to make women happy. Maybe if more men paid attention and had more respect there wouldnt be so many divorces. Just remember girls, they all turn into a**holes. They usually just put on a good act. Then boom, your stuck in a passionless marrage with no respect. Yes i am jaded.

November 28, 2012 at 8:38 am
(25) rikki tikki says:

I’ve been the child stuck in the middle of a nasty separation between my parents. Thank goodness my mother went through with things and got my father kicked out. Life was a living torment .

He never ever would have left and would have continued his narcissistic course oblivious to the emotional destruction he was wreaking on those around him.

I saw things from inside the home and lets just say I know how things are not done.

BTW I am happily married with children. I still have to work to suppress some of those horrible traits that seem to be passed on from my father. Don’t know if its genetic or learned but I’m determined not to let those negative things surface.

December 1, 2012 at 6:12 pm
(26) hasbeenandfedup says:

Thanks for the blog. I am the man here and has been the one, well look here ” I am ” the one on such blog. I have been married for 18 yrs. we once separated 12 yrs. ago and then reconciled but I mandated that she go to counseling separate and couples as a stipulation. When we met she was a single mother of 3. I obviously a nice guy with low self esteem and working class plus very high energy. Her not so high energy, in fact depressed and on disability all of her life. Having watched my dad growing up act macho lazy( when he wasn’t at the corporate office reeling and dealing making money) and I empathized with my mom feeling the inequity of their relationship vowing to be a better man and father than my dad was. Well I have nearly killed myself living by that creedo.

December 1, 2012 at 6:13 pm
(27) hasbeenfedup says:

continued;I have been in counseling for years trying to change my over doing behavior and has made for nasty fights. In the recent years, and last year specifically I decided to just mirror her. Do less,care less and do only what and when I feel like as best as I could muster. I stopped being the one to do most all meal preparation and everything. I realized that I had in deed married and became like my mother, only worse I married an older women who does not even work a job. At least my dad was a huge bread winner. This is not a happy realization and as I have held my ground not caving into her manipulations to get me to be a human doing, the tension and nasty has returned full bore. Worse yet she figured out what I was doing and stopped doing things this past week. I have looked for understanding that I am under deadlines till next week, but she cannot seem to care. So the real problem is now for the past year she denies having said things that are clearly evidence to her lack of support,follow up on agreements and just plain disregard and disrespect for me. I even have a friend who witnessed what my wife had promised or said on two occasions, but my wife has a rebuttal or just plain denies any accountability. I am so utterly fed up and ready to just divorce. I saw my counselor recently and all the years while I thought I was going to get a whole lot of rage and resentment out at the session, it ended up that we processed my fatigue and sorrow over my exasperation at having tried so hard to make this work. Thanks all and sometimes there are guys like me fyi were the one’s that finish last. Were the ones who help raise some other ego centric pricks kids. You know us, so give us a shake.

December 2, 2012 at 4:24 pm
(28) Elizabeth says:

I would just like to comment on the man who said that men never leave a marriage, that usually they are blindsided by the fact that their wife had an affair and now she wants out. Men have the ability to have sex with women with no feelings attached. They have no plans on leaving the wife but just to have some fun on the side where no one will find out. They like what they have going on at home but feel it’s their right to have a little sugar on the side. I see it all the time and it makes me sick. When a woman cheats, most of the time, it’s due to neglect at home because the man has been cheating for years and getting away with it. And men, if you had better think again if you think you don’t change the minute you go outside the marriage. Along with that comes automatic disrespect and a change in “YOU” and a division between you and your wife. It just happens without you noticing it. My adivce to all men would be to take care of what you have at home and don’t let your ego’s get in the way when a cutsey little co-worker starts playing the flirting game. If she was all that…she wouldn’t have to cheat on her husband. LOL

December 4, 2012 at 6:45 am
(29) Andrea says:

Obviously, I found this website because I was looking to vent, and then I come across the comments listed above. Some are great, some men are actually self-analyzing and then others think that all women are lazy and don’t work and mooch of their husband. Well, to those “Men” out there, if I ever decide to leave my husband I hope to GOD I don’t ever meet someone like you. I am a woman who has a BSBA in Business Administration, I make 3 times what my husband makes and I have bought almost everything we own in this house. If it came down to it, if we had children and went through divorce, I’d have the kids AND probably have to give him my earnings too. Ain’t that a bitch?

I’m so sick of his internalizing bull and everything is all find and dandy until he gets drunk, and then God forbid he tries to make a bad decision (unlawful, stupid, etc) he freaks out and turns into a monster who calls me names, locks me out of the house, demeans me…and he’s done it in-front of his friends before too. I’m not going to sit by and try to be a supportive wife to a lazy depressed sociopath who doesn’t give a s#$t about what I bring to the table both emotionally, physically and financially. He had his drunken bought the other day and I am so SICK of it. Not only does he NOT apologize, he doesn’t think after 9 years together, that I am not going to stick around to wait for it to happen again. I told him I don’t want children with him because I don’t want them to go through the same trauma this sicko has put me through. I’m just waiting for the day I can get a slightly better job so I can support myself. (my job is in sales and is too rocky to have a steady paycheck every month).

December 4, 2012 at 7:22 pm
(30) Paul Abruzzo says:

It looks like there’s a ton of ignorant and ridiculous comments coming from both men and women in this blog. Sheesh…

December 6, 2012 at 11:02 pm
(31) Anon says:

So what women are wanting is a gay man to be straight. Good luck with that. Most men that do not have someone in their life will listen and talk etc. Though give that a couple years and all that special jazz will wear off. Yes i am a male yes i am married. No i have absolutely no interest in the things that my wife does or even talks about. I have worked and provided for my family, and even spoiled my son and wife. Where as i do not buy myself things that i want so that way i can get them what they want. Personally if the women wants someone to talk to etc go out and have a girls day and blow off some steam. If not then do not blame the male for being a male… That would be like us blaming you’ll for being “mouthy” when your time of the month came along. Yes we do look at other women. (most of us do not do anything *will not say all and same goes with women*)

December 7, 2012 at 12:43 pm
(32) Rob says:

Such astounding victim complexes, all of you! Men are just evil and stupid and your only mistake was being too good for them? Do you hear yourselves when you talk? Women don’t cheat for physical or emotional pleasure, ONLY to escape some kind of physical or emotional abuse? UGHHHHHH. All of that is narcissistic self delusion and it’s just evil. Don’t any of you have sons? Do you tell them about how horrible their fathers are and how men are such useless abusive idiots? You know what’s going to happen with them? They’re going to grow up with a superiority complex, thinking they’re the only good man in the entire world. Then when the reality hits him, that he’s no different than most men, what are his choices? He’s either going to accept himself as evil, or realize that it’s you who force fed him hate. The truth is there’s a few saints, a few devils, and a whole lot of regular men and women. Stop this insane self absorbed quest to be the masters of victimhood, take responsibility for yourself and your actions, then move on. It’s all you can do.

December 9, 2012 at 10:33 pm
(33) LEVOY V. HEMPHILL says:

As I see, blame goes both ways. Looking back on my marriage, from her view I was not emotional available from my side I had her on a pedestal thought busting my back to provide her hearts desire showed how much I really cared. It took forever to finally get her to open up and tell me what went wrong from her side and why as she had an affair. He was one of those lady’s smooth talker, the guy who seemingly seduces whomever he wants. Things got worse when he convinced her of my uncaring. The other thing we discovered just the major differences in the way women and men communicate and how we process that information, she worked toward fixing relationship, I fixing problems. I baited lover boy into a boxing match in a gym used the old fashioned beat down to persuade him in moving on to his next conquest. She divorced me, more like looking for a trade up in wealth, somewhere along the way I got that huge promotion through becoming a work alcoholic, now alone and bitter. She married rich guy soon found I really wasn’t the ass she thought I was. In the end from that talk she raped him in their divorce settlement. We divorced primarily because in my anger over her affair I more or less demanded all the slutty sex she had done with lover boy even before we had worked on our issues. She now more understanding of the male ego and the repairing of my manhood was just as important as the other stuff. In the end after I got my new found wealth I used my knowledge of her to seduce bed away from him we eventually remarried spent 6 years dating and seeing a shirk before that. Now we have absolutely no secrets and are each others nest friends as well as husband and wife. We now talk about everything and pay little to no attention to others. To think all from my forcing her to talk to me about what went wrong and my having no respect for her 2nd marriage, I now have it all.

December 14, 2012 at 10:36 pm
(34) Anon says:

My wife is having a mid-life crisis and has initiated divorce. She doesn’t want to get old with me she says. She had a fling whilst on a ski holiday with a friend and refuses to go to counselling. Was I guilty of emotional neglect? Yes we both were, but she sees herself as some kind of mother teresa so coudn’t possibly be at fault. Did we turn over every stone and try to save the marriage? Far from it.

But now we have to tell our boys of 5 and 8 that we will be divorcing. This day will come soon and I am dreading it. I cry almost every day thinking at the pain it will cause these lovely boys. We live in Europe but are not from the same country. This is her country.

I earn around 6x average and expect to be taken to the cleaners, but its the kids I’m most-concerned about.

December 16, 2012 at 6:59 pm
(35) MATT says:

This article is complete backwards from my marriage. In my case the wife comes home and zones out. Any kind of conversation with her at all no matter how simple turns into a huge debate. The worst part of my day is when she comes home. No matter how good or how bad my day is going it always turns worse once she gets home. She is a misarable person. She complains about everything. We hates everything and everyone. She always has a chip on her shoulders. The way she talks to me everyday is also very bitter. I have enemies that hate my guts that don’t speak to me as fowl as she dose. I absolutely hate this bitch. My friends don’t come over anymore because they don’t want to be around her. They don’t even bother calling me anymore. My family barley speaks to me anymore either. It’s all because of her. Everywhere she goes she brings bitterness and misery with her. Se brings everyone around her down a notch. Her own parents haven’t even spoken to her in 6 years. They can’t stand her either. She is a bitter misarable bitch. There really is no other way to put it. Unforchanatley I have health problems. I need her income in order to be able to afford a place to live. So I am stuck in this hell for the foreseeable future. She stresses me it so much. I am only 26 but she makes me feel like I am 80 years old. The stress she causes me just beats me down in every way. She is going to cause me to have a stroke. She pisses me off to the point of chest pains and seeing spots on almost a daily basis. I try to avoid her at all cost because any interaction with her at all turns into a huge debate. So what is your solution for this one? If this marriage were a prison sentence it would be considered crule and unusual punishment, Anybody else have a marriage like mine? Or am I the only one? :/ Maybe I hold start a support group.

December 18, 2012 at 8:26 am
(36) KRESTINA says:

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December 19, 2012 at 10:12 pm
(37) Jeri says:

Some of the golddigger comments are ridiculous. My husband was/is a verbal and emotional abuser, at times he was physically abusive, he is emotionally distant (to the extent I think he’s a sociopath), but to the outside world he seems/seemed oh so funny and oh so lovely. It took me years to finally take the step to file for divorce, and now he is spreading stories about me that I have used him and want his money. On the contrary: I have actually worked every single day of our marriage, whereas he did not half the time (and no, he was not a stay-at-home dad, I was still paying for daycare). And NO, I want NOTHING from him, not one single cent (because he does have money in his account from a house he sold and from his father’s estate).
I think a lot of people have been watching too many movies. First off, if you’re really in a horrible relationship, like mine, you just want to get the hell out – with your sanity (and your kids). Scr*w the money. Secondly, in most households, both the man and the woman work, so it is only fair if things get split halfway.

December 19, 2012 at 11:51 pm
(38) Marlin says:

I only have experience with one woman, being married for 30 years. She’ll have things bother her, but keep it to herself for days or weeks, only to then boil over about something that I can’t remember. I agree, I was not taught anything about women or marriage. I actually married because she was poor and I wanted to give her a better life, even though I loved a long-time girlfriend. I try, and refuse to give up, but with her everything is “my way or the highway”. Everyone else’s opinion is against her’s if they don’t agree with her. She’ll belittle any family member if they disagree. She’s alienated every sister she has, and is now working on her daughter’s. I told her a while back, I get along with the whole rest of the world…just not you. I don’t hate her, but I actually hope she’ll follow through with her verbal threat to divorce me. I’m trying to find another job in another state, but that’s easier said than done. Spiritually, I know all things are possible with God…but from my low human standpoint, it looks bleak. She doesn’t forgive, and she never forgets…and at the height of her indignation, and in the presence of family, friends, or strangers, she’ll bring up a private, hurtful memory from the past…some transgression from 25 years ago. There is no doubt she’s “winning”…I never want to know that successful strategy….

December 20, 2012 at 8:30 pm
(39) Sam says:

I am a man. I have divorced and remarried. After few months only I realized my mistake. My Ex wife before divorce indicated all these. I understood all these after separation only.
This is a good advice for newly wedded men. Please go through and understand. Women are women. It is very difficult to understand them in men’s view. Go to their world and try to understand. We will have a lifetime marriage.

December 23, 2012 at 1:43 pm
(40) Draven says:

The point of marriage is not just to point fingers and say “It was him. or, “It was her!” I know there are MANY cases where the husband cheated (which is bad and i would divorce too)! or where thehusband is abusive in ANY way ( my brother married a woman who divorced her husband for that very reason) he was a terrible guy. Some situations are irreversible and can never be fixed because one or the other decided they would never change. that aside I am going to deal with divorces as a general whole.

I am a guy and I will say that men, by nature, are more violent and more likely to be abusive physically. However, I hate to say it but failed relationships are very rarely because of 2 people. I have heard many cases where it was always the man’s fault or always he woman’s fault, but never “my fault.” People are so set in focusing on the problems of the other that when reading self help books tend to dive into the “fixing him or her” section and glancing over the self help. even more important that that is that you have to DESIRE and DRIVE even FIGHT for the marriage. I have seen so many people go to hell and back in marriages only to have come out stronger and better people. because the wife and husband were weak once then fought themselves, their demons, and each other to become strong, in love, and highly enjoyed and respectable people.

December 23, 2012 at 1:44 pm
(41) Draven says:

Printing articles like this does no good for anyone really. Trying to puff up the female stance as “I always do and he never even tries.” only adds other road blocks in the way of their wise mind. Same goes for men. When my male friends come to me with their marriage problems they will say “Man, my wife is always so bitchy. Tells me to do this and that and complains about her work, friends, our child, and me!” To which I respond “Your wife isn’t bitching. She is venting her cares and concerns of the day or week or month. You have obligations at home that you should follow and she shouldn’t have to remind you, and she needs to vent of all the things that are harming her mentality (as you are doing now) because otherwise these things would destroy her inside out.”

The response I get from this is usually a glance then a long pause and then another longer glance of understanding. Men think woman are illogical because women are a complex nervous system of emotions. What men don’t realize is that they are exactly the same, just in a different way.

December 23, 2012 at 1:44 pm
(42) Draven says:

Consequently, women, are exactly the same as men in this respect. Every friend of mine of whom is a woman will vent to me about their husbands saying “My husband has been so lazy lately. He doesn’t listen to me and just sits in front of the TV. He works and sleeps and goes into the basement by himself. He rarely even plays with our 5 year old boy. I just don’t think he loves me anymore.” To which I say “Your husband may have become comfortable and complacent with his life. He may feel like he cannot communicate with you anymore because he feels like he cannot trust you to not get mad at him for talking to you as he would a friend (which is important for a man that a wife doesn’t ever stop being a girlfriend while she is still his wife). So he will hide himself in the basement infront of his TV and drift off into a world that doesn’t exist but is better than the real one he feels like he faces alone. He still loves you, but cannot show it because he fears you will prey upon that and tear him apart with the last defense he has. There must be a deep reason why he should fear his own wife. Try to get to the heart of these matters in a soft way”

Relationships are difficult and very pride draining because it requires you and your partner to share one pride and show each other that you are willing to do what you must to keep things in a good mental state and a good sexual state. Remember married people “No matter how long you have been married, stay courting each other and never stop being flirtatious and spontaneous. These truly help with keeping marriages alive and strong. OH and don’t knit pick each other. These things almost always escalate out of control.

December 24, 2012 at 10:21 am
(43) David says:

Interesting to read this. I am a man. We share duties…. I clean house, do laundry, run the kids, pay all the bills. Basically manage the house. My wife has been in a very demanding graduate program for 4 years (80-100 hours/week). During this time, I have managed 80% of the above duties plus worked 80–100 hrs/week. She did not have to go to school financially but We sold our new custom home uprooted our family and relocated to make it possible for her to achieve a goal. After 4 years, she had an affair. Of course as the story goes, Im to hard on our step daughter, I dont go out enough with her and her friends, I dont like her friends, I think she dresses too revealing…….We are supposedly a Christian family and we send our kids to Private Christian school. Why is it that no one is talking about the midlife crisis that 40ish women are now going through? Not wanting to realize that they are 40-middle aged and their responsibilities in life are to take care of a family, not hang out with younger people and try to dress like them. Life has stages that we go through, there is a time and place for everything. When clothes and friends override your concern for your spouse something is wrong.

December 25, 2012 at 9:39 am
(44) Mark says:

To be honest I’m really tired of these articles putting the blame primarily on the husband. Two thirds of marriages don’t end due to the husbands behavior. Most of these marriages end because women want independence and because many earn enough to support themselves men get disrespected in many cases and dumped by the roadside. This is a societal problem primarily not men. How do I know…because I’ve been thru two divorces and I was the faithful trustworthy attentive caring listener who gave it 100%. I’m over bitterness but these articles really get under my skin. Its a two way street…men need respect and women need love but many women view the word respect in a negative light and that’s the primary reason why women file 2/3 of divorces.

December 25, 2012 at 4:20 pm
(45) Dewayne76 says:

I’m a man. Divorce should be final in about 40 days. Together 11 years, Married 7 yrs, 3yo daughter. Started a Haunted House business this year. Asked wife prior to dumping all our finances into the pot if she was happy with me and marriage, she said absolutely. Help started showing up for the haunt and her attention started going towards a 19yo boy. inside of 3 weeks we had a blow up. 1 week later she cheated on me with the 19 yo boy.

I also realized I had an ager issue that had been getting much better. I also own all my mistakes. SHe tried to get me to change 5 years ago by serving me papers. I tried and got better and since then we had been doing great. I still talked down to her sometimes, mainly at get togethers or family events. So my family thought I treated her like this all the time. At home, we were fine. I didn’t talk bad to her at home NEAR as much as I did outside. I still own it. I’m not reading every self help book I can find, including Divorce Remedy and 5 love languages etc.

My wife and OM1 (other man) are done. He’s moved to another town, miles away. She’s still friends and txts. She’s now dating a scrawny 21 yo boy that looks 13. Have no clue wth’s going on with her. She’s 28 in Jan and I’m 36. I’m 8 Years older. I’ve dealt with issues I had with her over the years and stuck with her. I admit, I flirted with the haunt help too, but I smartened up after a few weeks of it and told her I was sorry and we needed to stop so we wouldn’t get into a problem we can’t walk out of.
She refused Marriage Counseling and everything.

Way to go there sport.

December 29, 2012 at 7:29 pm
(46) Patrick says:

My wife wants to divorce from me, we have a 7 year old girl together, she has a son of 21. First of all, my advice to new comers in marriage with children from the other partner: make a crystal clear agreement with your candidate partner of as many points as possible about your entitlements with regard to raising your steph son or steph daugher.
She or he wants you to raise his/her kid as if it were one of yourself?
Fair enough, but that means no discrmination at all and that means that you as a steph mother or father will have to fullfil your duty as responsable and as critical as supportive parent.
Is this unacceptable for your candidate partner?
Then better luck next time, cross over her/his name, he or she simply is unrealistic and unfair and unprepared.
Then about women who want to divorce, if there is any violent abuse or mistreatment from their husband: they are right, there is no better reason than to kick a man out of a marriage than violence.
But then the ‘lack of love’.
If woman and man are alone, no big deal, it is negotiable, although nowhere is written I believe you have to do what your partner wants: divorce.
If you don’t want, why would you do it?
And if there are any underaged children involved and the woman says “I want to divorce, I don’t feel love anymore’.
Well, bad luck for her, but there is more inside a marriage than love.
What?
First and above all this word: responsability towards underaged children.
Not loving somebody is something that you have to get over with, and you should have thought twice when marrying that person.

December 29, 2012 at 7:30 pm
(47) Patrick says:

Continuation…as I got over 1000 characters oei..
A lack of passion and love?
Then first take a look in the mirror, my guess is that too many women just aren’t selfcritical enough to make a list of points where they score below average. At least mine, wanting to divorce for half a year now, has no clue than to only point the finger at me.
But she has no choice, we share friendship and responsability, and until the year 2023 when my daughter will be 18 years old that’s what she will
have to accept.
There is absolutely no way I agree to a divorce, why should I if I don’t want it?
I wished her good luck in finding a lawyer but so far the doesn’t put the money where her mouth is either so…
Lack of love is an emotional reason, and we all should know what the problem is with emotions, many of them have a life expectancy of a good
old fashioned fart under the shower.
My wife says she doesn’t love me, and she almost tries to drill in my brain that she wants to divorce, well, she can tell me that another 24.000 times but I won’t agree.
You don’t love me?
Do your best to love me, because there are reasons enough to do so.
And if she doesn’t succeed then our lives until 2023 will be dedicated to our daughter.
As simple and plain as that.
Others divorce as if they change their underwear, but not me, not in this lifetime.
Good luck everybody!

December 30, 2012 at 8:14 pm
(48) Brigitte says:

I’m contemplating divorce. Together for 7 years, married for 2, no children. We have everything to be happy, but we’re not. I’ve seen him through alcoholism, family fallout, trouble at work, depression. Things just never get better. We’re both seeing a counselor and will start seeing a marriage counselor come January. I’ve been asking for this for close to 5 years. He’s never wanted to until he started getting violent. I’ve given myself until 2014. I never thought I’d be in this situation. Now it’s Christmas and I’m suppose to pretend everything is perfect. It’s not.

January 1, 2013 at 11:44 pm
(49) Grace says:

Wow!!.interesting article.well my husband threaten to kill me if I leave him.we have a four month old son.what do you do in a situation like this?

January 2, 2013 at 6:58 pm
(50) Nathan Thomas says:

I think marriage is a joke nowadays the only way that we can sort this out is if the goverment brings in a jail sentence or a substancle find to pay. I got married on 27/6/2010 and it went downhill very rapidly after that we bought a house in October 2011 but I had a bad feeling about it, we was in the house a week and my wife said she didn’t love me anymore!. I moved out it killed me to leave my two beautiful children but I did it,
We got back together just after Christmas 2011 but I did all the chasing!
I could see that my wife did not love me anymore she had given a second chance for the kids but she put no effort in the relationship. I found a txt on her phone September this year telling her friend she was gonna give it till after Christmas, I confronted her about this but she denied it and said she loved me. I left the house again October this year because I couldn’t take it anymore I could see she didn’t care abut me she never wanted to do anything with me and the nookie was none existent. We are now going through divorce etc I wouldn’t wish this on anyone! .
I think Facebook has a massive influence on the marriage breakups of today!

January 2, 2013 at 11:00 pm
(51) A guy look for answers says:

There is an article I read on another website, lovepanky.com, called “I want to be single again”. When I read it, I finally realized why a girl I was dating suddenly decided to break up. There was no communication that anything was wrong with our relationship. All she did was tell me how wonderful I was and how she loved the way I treated her. And I know better than to keep asking a girl if everything is OK or second-guess things because it always works against you when you do that.

The moral of the story is that, in my personal experience, women have overwhelmingly been consistent in telling me how great of a guy I am and how they love the way I treat them, but that they just want to be single. And this is after they tell their friends about me and basically tell me all kinds of things they like about me. So being a gentleman, being good in bed, being funny, smart, having a good job, treating people well. No matter how much a girl says she likes what I do in and out of bed, I still get the same result: she’s not ready for a relationship.

The story on the other website is about a woman who was dating a guy for 7 years and who decided to break up with him because she wanted to be single. Nothing makes you feel more like a fool than being told how great you are and yet realizing that it really doesn’t matter because that’s not enough and your woman just isn’t happy. And all of these women were 27 or older.

I know that all women are not like this, but it definitely seems to be very common. And most of these women seem to be focused on the guy or guys who DIDN’T treat them well. So my advice to men is to treat women well, show them some charm, help around the house, let them know that you care about them, BUT DON’T LET THEM HAVE A MORE THAN A TEMPORARY PLACE IN YOUR HEART. I’ve seen more men who truly love their woman get crushed than I’ve ever seen the opposite, and I’m embarrassed that I was so foolish to believe I was smart enough to avoid that.

January 3, 2013 at 1:39 am
(52) Servanne Illien says:

To those men who complain that women want their share of financial support in a divorce, i will just say that they too fathered the children so they should provide for them at least for half of the deal…. plus since women do most of the work at home for no penny, it is just fair that in a divorce men should contribute financially to raising the kids.

And no marriage is just not for sex……. it is about time men stop being the spoiled brats that most are who reduces love and marriage to the fulfilment of their sexual needs …

No wonder women dont want to have anything to men who take all without giving anything ….. and for their irresponsible and selfish behaviour.

January 3, 2013 at 1:01 pm
(53) James says:

Circumstantially your statements are justified but principally there are just as many women who break the bonds of intimate nurturing with their husbands as well. The one-sidedness and poor attitude in which this article was written greatly detracts from it’s credibility. If you were to leave a couple comments mentioning how women are easy to blame in many circumstances as well, or how men and women both develop apathetic tendencies after a grudge has formed from prolonged miscommunication (not necessarily either party’s fault) then your argued case would seem a lot more viable. But, and not to sound harsh, from the current standpoint it just looks like another rant too fueled by gender bias to deserve to be taken seriously. Rewritten to include a counter-argument so to not seem so biased, I think you could write a hell of an article.

January 10, 2013 at 11:01 pm
(54) Dave says:

Part 1 Ok so help me with this one.

Been married 16 years.

My wife has not had to work a single day.

We have 3 kids. Youngest goes to day care so that my wife can a) work out at the gym for 3-4 hours at day b) go on 5 hour bike rides with other men, some younger

She can go to lunch, go to dinner, go out dancing with her friends, I never complain.

I do the majority of the cleaning, cooking: she will admit this.

I was a swimmer in college and a half iron man triathlete now, best shape of my life. I am an attractive 44 year old man.

My career trajectory still points upward.

We live in a million plus house in one of the best school districts in the country.

I took a chance, yes me, and got a job with company relocation to bring her back to her hometown where her parents still live, so they can also help take care of the kids.

Sex, oh maybe 6 times in the last 5, yes 5 years.

My wife wants a separation.

January 10, 2013 at 11:02 pm
(55) Dave says:

What is going on?

Its all, I mean ALL about the emotional nurturing. Wake up boys, you have to be a saint AND somehow ALSO meet their EVERY emotional need. There is no such thing as respect and love purely from devotion, commitment and loyalty. You got to also sweep her off her feet every day!

Its out of control

Its unfair

Its being reinforced by broadcast TV and movies.

Men are being depicted as neanderthals.

Some are but many are not, like me, doing all the right things but conveniently being cast aside.

Oh and the FACEBOOK comment above. Absolutely spot on! FACEBOOK was the final nail in the coffin. I’ve told you my age so you can understand when I say that I only dabble in it when it first came out. Friended with college and high school friends put a few pictures of my kids up and did not look at it more than a couple of times a year. My wife finally decides to take the plunge and checks out my page and goes ballistic! Where are pictures of me? Why aren’t you posting pictures of us together? This quickly becomes another example of me not nurturing the relationship. The reality is I was too busy doing all of the above to have time to maintain my face book page.

I am mature and intelligent enough to work through this with my wife and ensure the best for my family.

But the rage inside is almost too much to bear.

I know I am not the only one in this situation.

January 11, 2013 at 7:59 am
(56) dom says:

Men get married to have sex. Women have sex to get married. Period. Most women stop doing what they did that reeled the sucker in, and their men lose interest and the standoff begins. Ladies, the reason men only seem interested in sex is that after marriage and more specifically, kids, they barely ever get it! Guys, don’t ever fall for letting the crying baby in the bed, before you know it 5 years go by and they are still there!

January 12, 2013 at 1:44 am
(57) Charlie says:

I’m so surprised that BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) is never mentioned to be the basis for why women file for divorce 75% of the time. Who’s kidding who? All these comments about women turning over every rock before they divorce and their husbands are blind sided.

You’re kidding right? They turned over every rock in their HEAD with their GF’s and BF on the side. Cheating on your husband is a female sport to be shared with all your GF’s that like to live vicariously thorough the BPD woman. They all cheer on the sidelines with cheers like “Half of it is yours!” “You get the house and the kids and he pays you!” Ra ra…. It’s easy to divorce when you think you have nothing to lose. The emotional calculators women use are a joke and all I hear is I did everything and he did nothing. Don’t get me wrong because there are women at there that do their fair share and guess what? They’re part of the 25% that don’t file for divorce.

The biggest reason given is “I’m just not happy”. Of course they aren’t because they have mental issues and the truth is that they will never be happy. Just google BPD and read about it. Any divorce lawyer will agree whole heartedly with that diagnosis.

January 13, 2013 at 1:22 am
(58) ted says:

holy geeze, here it is at 110 am 1/13/2013 it been 12 hrs since my wife ( 27 yrs together) told me she filed ..talking about being blind sided..we had your up and downs like most .but here it is 115 am she is sleeping like a baby and im here with this horrible feeling cant sleep, eat ,and it feels like im being choke to death.. trying to figure out what went wrong and how to try and fix it.. she wants no part of any therapy.. all she wants is to live her life alone with no one to answer. it all began right after her dear uncle died in Oct 2012. im 45 have no family and no close friends ..im hear all alone for the first time scared s—-less with no idea want to or not to do..

January 13, 2013 at 9:49 am
(59) Big Ern says:

Hang in there ted. I’ve been there, done that. It hurts like a bitch for a while.. months.. but then you move on.

January 13, 2013 at 6:47 pm
(60) Elizabeth says:

See…the statement that Dom made makes no sense to me. Men get married to have sex. I have a hard time with that. I married my husband 32 years ago…the sex was great….everyone thinks that if a man is cheating that the sex must be bad or nil at home. Not the case here…very active sex life and a good supply. I found out on my 25th wedding anniversay that he was involved with someone and not only was he involved then, it came out that he had been involved with friends, co-workers and people I didn’t know ever since we tied the knot. I question why he ever got married if he could not be in a committed relationship. I am mad…really mad to the point that I want to get even. It’s not like he was the best husband…he’s selfish and had to be on golf league, bowling league plus a nite out during the week with the guys…and I trusted him to be where he said he would be. My advice to everyone getting married? Everyone should have access to their own detective every now and then…just to make sure things are on the up and up. Had I been less trusting and done that…I wouldn’t be where I am today.

January 14, 2013 at 11:48 am
(61) jeff says:

what an outlandishly biased article. 75% of divorces are initiated by the woman yet it is the man’s fault? Oh, its because the men fail to communicate. How do you communicate with someone when they will flat out lie and say nothing is wrong, everything is fine when they are asked.
The problem is that the legal system has made it extremely easy for the woman to walk away from her responsibilities with no obligations to her former family. How about mandated counseling prior to granting divorce.How about abolishing “no fault” divorce? It is always somebodies fault.
As far as the women who have affairs prior to divorcing, it is not your husband’s fault you had the affair, it is your’s and your’s alone. Unless your lover held a gun to your head and forced you into the affair, you are resposible for deciding to proceed with the affair.

January 14, 2013 at 6:30 pm
(62) melissa says:

I am the woman who divorced the man i had been married to for 25 years it was no surprise he knew it I was telling him constantly things had to change. He drank and was abusive. now after 6 years i have changed and we both have grown up . slowly we are beginning to get along and now my daughter who is 21 has decided she likes her father to herself and is constantly in the way of us getting along. I know he is not saying mean things about me yet she will tell me he hates me. I have spoken to him in fact he was in my living room for 6 hours and we as a family were having fun. what do i do about a daughter that like having her father to herself and is standing in the way of us getting back together.

January 16, 2013 at 1:47 pm
(63) Neinei says:

I think some people have misunderstood this article. It’s obvious that it’s coming from a woman’s point of view. I don’t think it’s saying “it’s because of men that women divorce,” more like, “when women file for divorce, these are the main reasons they give for it.”

I think we can all agree that there are a ton of different cases out there from all walks of life. Sometimes it’s the men at fault, sometimes the women, sometimes both. I don’t think we should play the gender blaming game here. Anybody who cheats is at fault for that, no matter what gender. I, too, believe it also has a lot to do with what society and our families teach us growing up.

As for the above article, I have had most of those problems (I’m the woman, been together for 6 years, married 3). I have learned over the years to tell my husband directly what I was upset about. He’s learned to see things from a place of love rather than an attack. Sometimes we have to go through bickering and arguments to see it. Bottom line is that we both agree to only divorce if cheating occurs, irresponsible gambling, and abuse or criminal behaviors. Marriage is never a constant… Always evolving and changing. I think only those that choose to not have divorce as an option will work harder with one another because they dont want to live in misery everyday. It has to be an effort on both ends. When it’s only one way, that’s where blame can start coming in. There is no miracle recipe for marriage because everyone is different and I think this article should be taken with a grain of salt.

January 17, 2013 at 2:59 am
(64) Mike says:

Men are more likely to talk about their problems to the person they are mad at than women are. When was the last time you heard of a great woman diplomat? Women will hold a grudge to the end of time, they don’t want peace! Men will get in a short fist fight, look each other in the eyes, than set the job behind them. Men are expected to do the majority of the bread winning for the house, hard labor, and housework when he gets home. You know, in the world of men, their wants and need actually matter, unlike in many women’s worlds, apparently. I could go on. I wont.

January 17, 2013 at 10:38 am
(65) Single Woman says:

I’m 44 and never been married – because I never found the love of my life – in the sense of passion,compatibility, and values -and didn’t want to settle for anything less. Though there has been a heavy price to pay for that – and the lack of a husband and children in my life is often painful. But the alternative may be worse, hearing these stories.

Too many women do settle – a perceived lack of decent men and the bio. clock are two BIG reasons – and for a time ignore the voice in their head and heart telling them they aren’t REALLY in love..and that’s heartbreaking for both parties in the end. . Another type are the spoiled ones who married early, have never had to suffer the horrors of dating, and absolutely don’t appreciate their husbands or the wonderful lives of financial ease they enjoy.

Talking about men, I have seen many marry for all types of reasons…usually having a lot to do with physical beauty/challenge of “winning” an emotionally aloof woman and less to do with how mentally and emotionally compatible they really are with their wives. And then they wonder why things don’t work out.

January 17, 2013 at 12:13 pm
(66) Christine says:

I have been married 47years. Kids are grown. I cared for gran kids after children. Now I am not needed for that. Every one is busy. I don’t expect my kids to entertain me. But I only hear from them when they need me for child care. To drop off a lunch. Pick someone up or drop someone off. Husband is semi-retired. A workaholic. Seriously when he is home it is TV all day long. Not exaggerating. Met someone on line also married. Skip the endorphin stuff. I have read that. He wants to come and get me to make a new life. To travel. Maybe only camping. Maybe to walk with each other. To have a chance for pleasant companionship at my age is tempting. A dilemma at the least.

January 18, 2013 at 9:30 am
(67) mitzy says:

There are two kinds of people in the world, givers and takers. At any point in life we are capable of being first one then the other. This healthy BALANCE is what makes good marriages. It isn’t always even steven, but should be closer to a healthy balance of Each person being BOTH a giver and a taker.
The problem seems to be more often when male priveledge and old (really new) sterotypes creep in, and society values money above all things. We fail to see “contributions” that are not monetary, as a valid and necessary for marriage and societies survival.
What happens is when ONE person in a marriage decides HE/she will control or has power or more of a vote, over the person who IS NOT making an obvious monetary contribution.

January 18, 2013 at 9:32 am
(68) Mitzy says:

Men if your wife shops too much, I guarentee you work too much.
Meaning since it appears many men begin to see the wife as a possession their money entitles them to have power over, the wife, being left NO choice as all attempts to end this monetary tyranny have fallen on DEAF ears, is to speak through the out of control USE of the only language a man seems to understand. Perhaps THAT will get his attention….talking to his WALLET.
In the same way, women who take advantage of the marriage to willfully and without cause attempt to control a man though withholding of sex (that is without CAUSE, which should be investigated first) the man attempts to speak to the woman with her language, threats or acts to involve themselves with another woman.

January 18, 2013 at 9:36 am
(69) Mitzy says:

The problem? Both have overused their “power” over another and that results in rebellion against such power trips, which in turn leads to anarchy and or divorice.
Truth is there was a stalemate of power and control over another who is dependant on the other for BOTH to be both givers and takers IN Balance. Not “marriage lords” over their spouses needs or weaknesses.
Marriage is NOT supposed to be a powertrip and dollars to donuts, many “marriage lords” do NOT want to give up their power over another human to have their way by FORCE, which could be both simutainously, and one the other or both don’t make MUTUAL changes towards more equality and appreciation of contributions of the other till far too late in the game, and some never do.

January 18, 2013 at 9:39 am
(70) Mitzy says:

Both may not be EQUALLY responsible, but for every negative or unfair ACTION there may have been an equally negative or unfair reaction.
My experience was that I had to “accept” my marriage lording spouse, or find myself on the curb with my children, until I felt it was infinitely more comfortable and happier to PUT HIM ON THE CURB.
I never rever renigged on my contributions, nor did I withould, he just wanted POWER, not equality or love.
You cannot FORCE change in another person, nor should only 1 be willing to listen or give, but you can change self, and that should always be met with a “wake up” call by the spouse.
However I find men lazier than women in this respect, and this may be due to male privelege misinformation, complancy, sureness in the power a woman will not leave due to the ties that bind, economic dependancy being one.

January 18, 2013 at 9:42 am
(71) Mitzy says:

Most women, do not set out to become economically dependant, but since they bear children and therefore WANT to be giving mothers, frequently their leaving the work force facilitates that objective.
What we have is an attempt to totally circumvent the programming that allows a healthy marriage and therefore a healthy society, if we don’t at some point acknowledge the puzzle aspects of male female relations, they are meant to fit to make a whole.
Each couple has to FAIRLY and committedly find what that working and satisfying “fit” is for them and to not overcommitt to what upsets this hard to maintain balance with out sacrificing self.
Most people simply are NOT mature enough to do this at the time they marry or get selfish, and now it no longer fits, and divorice results.
Period, not just a Male problem or a Female problem or fault.
When selfishness stays in a marriage too long, when one or the other has overentitilement justifications and or refuses communication or to HEAR it and or responds arrogantly and RIDICULES the other you are well on your way to divorice regardless of whom did it to whom.

January 18, 2013 at 10:09 am
(72) Mitzy says:

Christine, I hear you loud and clear. My spouse did everything in his power to “keep me in line” with his overreactive (to his retirement big time) power trips, to include trying to turn my own children against me, or to favor them solely to have power over me.
It has been a sad, shameful, spiteful and horrible destruction to a perfectly good and loving family.
Every attempt to give him a wakeup call failed, including my FINALLY filing for divorice in order to protect myself and youngest (teen) daughter from his tyranny of apathy and abuse.
He refuses to met the tenants of the temp order, and also still forces me, through his financial power to harm, to take care of him at his residence (seperate apartment).
He too sat and watched TV all day, and refused to go anywhere, or do anything without sulking, pouting, or sabotouging.. Throughout the marriage he tried to control with the pursestrings and protested EVERY purchase, though we had a huge pension (that only he had control of) and some purchases were necessary.
He forced me to use Credit cards in my name instead of using HIS money for anything.
I say go for it. He has left the marriage of his own accord, though physically there. However be aware he could use this “adultry” against you to get everything, including your children.

January 18, 2013 at 10:27 am
(73) Mitzy says:

Christine, I used the last part about using your “adultry” to get more of the spoils, which I feel is not really a good title when one spouse has CLEARLY left the marriage in mind if not in body, for any younger women in the same boat
. A financially controlling or a “recreationally” controlling spouse has left the marriage already and is just willfully oblivious to the others spouses request or needs. In that case it is LEGALLY adultry, but morally it is not in my mind. Good Luck

January 18, 2013 at 10:34 am
(74) Mitzy says:

My spouse is hoping to smoke me out, by leaving me no option but to find someone else first,being his third marriage he is very adept at manipulations and willful “no choice” manuverings to his favor. HE IS ALSO CAREER TRAINED IN THIS TYPE OF EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL.
He clearly knows how to use everything in his power (and nothing is off limits, including physical presence and force, though he projects as nice guy to everyone, and has NO problems lying to anyone, to use to HIS advantage, and without realizing is destroying himself in the process.
I have painfully resisted “offers” until the divorice is final, and therefore have waited and dealt with “mind and money control” abuse far too long, and am pretty old to start over. Our “marriage” lasted 34 years, but my guess is you and I are in the same age brackett.
We realize, with our children, somewhat out of the crossfire, it might be safe to leave now.

January 18, 2013 at 2:09 pm
(75) Smith says:

There are two sides to every story. My father had remarried after his divorce with my mom. Since then he has had two children, and after quite a few years I began to trust and love my step mom as if she was my real mother. However times were rough so Dad eventually took up contract work in Iraq and Kuwait as a mechanic.

When he got back she cleared the house of everything except a few of dad’s stuff and my belongings. I had been duped into thinking she was just getting some shoes for my little sister and left me in that nearly empty house for a few hours(at the time we had been staying at my step-grandma’s house)until Dad showed up.

It was him who told me the news(Ironically I was the last to know that me and dad had both been abandoned), my step-mom had divorced him and has taken all the furniture and froze his bank account. We had no food, money, and only tap water to drink.

After a while he explained to me that she had been opening credit cards in his name without his knowledge and has been going on a wild spending spree. Blowing away all the money he had earned.

I fail to see how this was his fault. He had dedicated his life to her, he wasn’t distant to her when he was home. He would often call home just to chat with us when he was away. What would cause my step-mom to suddenly hate me and my Dad? I hardly see how she was neglected. He may have been away a lot but he was only doing it for her.

January 19, 2013 at 6:28 am
(76) Carla says:

Here I am a wife for only 4 years and it’s about to be our 5 year anniversary come May if I haven’t filed for divorce by then. We’ve been together for about 7 years now. My husband cheated on me after all this time and I know there are reasons for why he did what he did, but that doesn’t change the fact that he is the ruler of himself and nobody else controls his actions. He made that choice instead of seeking counseling. I wanted marital counseling and help for a long time. He has been depressed, but always turns it down. He sent me away from my home after sleeping with a 35 year old woman he worked with. He is 22 years old and I am 24. I am staying with my parents until I find a job. I am 3000 miles across the US from my apartment. I was up for hire immediately after he cheated on me – I wanted to make things work out and also help him with finances despite what he’d done. Well, he had different plans. Again, here I am living with mom & dad after being promised that he would stop cheating on me. Went through call logs and found the other woman’s number repeatedly & even called it to make sure it was her – her voice answered. I only know it was her because I saw messages between her & him over Facebook and it displayed her full name and well her voicemail confirmed that for me…
That was two weeks after I left on the plane.

So a month after all of this mess he calls to tell me he was a fool for cheating on me, but since he has lost his job he is using her to store his possessions and is going to dump her when he finds work again.

January 19, 2013 at 6:29 am
(77) In continuation... says:

I feel like he really expects me to wait around for him. He is still talking to this woman and most likely still seeing her if his things are at her apartment.

So, what do the men suggest I do? Do I stay with my husband who I still love dearly, but sit and wait for a man who refuses counseling – BUT has acknowledged he screwed up YET lacks the dedication to close up shop, throw away all the personal shit – AFTERALL THEY’RE JUST THINGS***

I kept telling him over the phone that someday we will all die and our personal property won’t matter anymore. Do the right thing if you feel it is necessary and if you really can’t stand to see me or hear about me in another man’s arms, quit using this other woman and let’s work this out.

He has been trying to rush things and it feels like overshadow what has been done. He does not know the suffering and it will take me years to get over this if I do decide on divorce…

We have both been at fault for much in the past and we both acknowledged it over the phone. I am even seeking personal counseling to cope with everything and straighten out my issues.

If he doesn’t dedicate time to remedying this – in 5 Months we are through.

No victim game. I own up to everything I’ve ever done, but now actions need to be taken on his end as well.

January 20, 2013 at 12:03 am
(78) maria says:

Doug your answer is typical. Men will seldom take responsibility and often engage in blame shifting. You seem to think it is the woman’s responsibility to teach you how to behave, and take more measures to make a relationship work, than most already have. You claim you don’t know how to do relationships but you fail to acknowledge that you did during courtship unless your wife fell in love with an uncaring neglectful man, you obviously wooed her. Again, it is not a woman’s job to “prepare you for divorce/separation” if you had listened to her begging for time, attention, affection, etc. then you would have been warned…I can’t tell you the amount of men whose wives beg them to go to counseling and refuse, who are later shocked when the wife walks out…sorry, no compassion here. Grow up, you are not a little boy anymore.

January 20, 2013 at 12:11 am
(79) to Alan says:

Alan I beg to differ, experts are in agreement abuse occurs because a person chooses to abuse–unfortunately rarely will an abuser admit it nor will he/she recover from being abusive. Most often the victims contribution is that they allow and put up with the abuse. You need to read and get better educated. A very good book, written by a MAN who works with abusive men might open your eyes to who, why, and how men abuse “Why Does He Do That?” will enlighten you. I am guessing your ex probably has much to say about what really happened. If you would look at how you contributed and learn perhaps you will avoid future mishaps. Love and cherish your wife and 9 times out of 10 you will have a faithful loving woman.

January 20, 2013 at 12:19 am
(80) annoyed says:

TO ALL YOU MEN WHO THINK WOMEN ARE GOLD DIGGERS. Grow up. If a woman has lived with you for years and put up with your crap she DESERVES what she put into the marriage. By the way, I left my controlling and abusive husband and told him to take the money and everything else and shove it up his **s so that I never have to hear him say he gave me anything. And, I paid my own way during the marriage, he made sure. It was like renting and sleeping with my landlord. Of course, he would probably say he was a wonderful and loving husband. His refusal to go to counseling and get help finally made me decide to leave him. I am what I am and who I am thanks to ME MY SWEAT AND TEARS. So to all you men out there get off your high horse ALL women do not want your money, frankly they don’t even want you.

January 21, 2013 at 11:09 pm
(81) Mitzy says:

While I realize there are both kinds of “fault” often gender neutral, as children we often do not know or see or FEEL what the adults are really going through. Nor are we experienced enough to tell who is NOT telling the truth, regarding breakups, or just WHO has the bigger problem.
I am still amazed at how much I didn’t know about the trouble in my own parents “marital wars”. For years I thought my mom was hard on my Dad who worked so hard.
While he did work hard, clearly he wasn’t always working…and he drank as hard as he worked, which unfortunately, left him an alcoholic for the rest of his life. This in turn did much more harm to us as a family than a few “fudged” expenses , my Mom got in, those which clearly usually benefitted the family as well. It wasn’t like Mom was having drinking vacations from reality as was my Dad.

January 21, 2013 at 11:28 pm
(82) Mitzy says:

This is really a sad commentary about the sexes here. I tend to agree more with Robert. Neither party is totally without blame. But, as a single woman when young I was frequently hit on by married men, who complained “my wife just doesn’t understand me”. I frequently told them I can see why, if I were your wife, I would have trouble understand why you are in a bar hitting on women half your age, drinking and acting a fool…. instead of at home where you should be.
It got so bad being hit on by these “misunderstood men” that I made many a man produce a divorice decree or some proof they were trying to two time two women.
If a man just took time to build his ego at home, by ever BEING there I doubt there would be as many men complaining they were “blindsided” by the “gold digger” at home.

January 21, 2013 at 11:31 pm
(83) Mitzy says:

In the words of a 49′er. No one can jump your claim if you are on it.

January 21, 2013 at 11:41 pm
(84) Mitzy says:

I think mostly women file for divorice, as it appears, from my experience, women were, and some still are in the least agreeable position to have their cake and eat it too. (they usually are the ones the kids are with making playing around less able to occur) ..also women are more likely to DO something about an intolerable situation, whereas men, usually the higher wage earners, think their money, insulates them from any consequences of their bad behavior. Very few women are nowdays totally dependant on their husbands wage, as in the past. This ugly term of “gold digger” usually applies to a woman who, for various reasons, found herself more dependant on her husband as the ONLY wage earner. Such women are frequently the most abused. Look it up.
As more women are able to close the wage difference gap, the getting away with “murder” on the part of men gap, is differentially shrunk. Ergo, more women filing for divorice.

January 21, 2013 at 11:50 pm
(85) Alex says:

I’m assuming this article is supposed to be satire? It’s so ridiculous and misandric – it must be a joke.

January 21, 2013 at 11:54 pm
(86) Mitzy says:

Wow, Cola….I just find it hard to believe, guess it would depend on the age group we are talking about here. Maybe times have really changed but there are many reasons why I think you could be wrong, 1. Women still make less than men for the same work 2. Women still do get “the suprise” after the fact more often 3. Women, are not the ones free to do the asking (still) 4. Most women I know do NOT leave good men. (I mean not men who THINK they are good but trouble to ask the woman if they ARE good. (meaning no one gets to give their own report card).and five (all things above considered) women usually have more to lose emotionally than men (that I have known).
Most men seem to be quite happy to NOT have much more responsibility than themselves….ergo the high divorice rate women FILE more often as a self protect measure…….rather than to live with a man who is very happy to have his cake and eat it too, and whom takes NO action to end the marriage just to “work around it”.

January 21, 2013 at 11:56 pm
(87) Mitzy says:

I am thinking you thought your wife was joking too?

January 22, 2013 at 12:00 am
(88) Mitzy says:

There used to be a saying, “The bigger they are the harder they fall”, perhaps that is why so many men are “blindsided and so resentful”, their EGO’s got in the way of their ears?

January 22, 2013 at 12:36 am
(89) Mitzy says:

Dave, line three got me. “My wife hasn’t worked a single day” and next line, “We have three kids”. Wow, you need to spend a day in HER life.
I have had FOUR kids, and let me tell you that is WORK everyday from the minute they are conceived.
She may not have WORKED for a paycheck, but to say she hasn’t worked in a day, no wonder you are having marriage problems. What arrogance.
Bet you would feel different if every time you had sex, it might mean nine months of “work” carrying another life inside you, and then there is the work of pushing it out, and the the work of taking care of it 24/7 everyday for the REST of your life, and then the house WORK, the grocery shopping WORK, and the taking care of hubbies needs WORK, and it goes on and on and on. Now, bet you WORK sitting at a desk all day, right? GEEZ

January 22, 2013 at 12:48 am
(90) Mitzy says:

Oh, Dave, you might just look up what is the going rate of pay, for surrogate moms, babysitters x3, hourly rate of prostitution, housekeepers, and add ANY thing else you KNOW you wife doesx4, yep you take work too, unless you totally care for yourself to include EVERY thing, or save yourself some time, the internet is full of what a stay at home or for that matter a working for pay and a mom is paid and give it to her outta your paycheck, since you think you are entitiled to all this “work for free” you get from her.
Could it be she wants a seperation from your taking advantage and not seeing her contributions as “work”?

January 22, 2013 at 7:38 am
(91) Mitzy says:

I do believe they should re-instigate fault divorice, actually it is still allowed in no fault states. However, your proof, must be absolute or you need to hope to get a sympathatic judge. Very hard to prove a slap mark that you didn’t think to get a picture of because you were in shock a grown man would even think to hit a woman, very hard to prove verbal abuse from a man who drinks too much, but hasn’t got a DUI cause he IS the police.
Very hard to prove parent alienation, so this man can attempt to give you payback, for you disapproving of his “extra curriculiar” activities. Very hard to hire someone to find this proof, when you are begging for grocery money, and trying to re-teach your kids to respect you when the man you are married to doesn’t and sides with your kids to join him in keeping you in line, so he doesn’t have to toe it, at all.
Very hard to convince a money oriented world that you do/did contribute by taking care of everyone, but no one thinks that is worth a dime.

January 22, 2013 at 8:14 am
(92) Mitzy says:

I will try not to offend any working women here, as my sister worked (mostly cause her sorry first husband didn’t make enough cause he was lazy), and that did NOT keep her from being treated bady by her second. Also, when EVERYONE is gone to work, and kids in daycare, and all meals are taken out, or brought in, a house doesn’t get very messy, not the same as when kids are home all day and someone who CARES is entertaining/caring/raising them.
I investigated child care (in the past) and found the average age of the worker was around 18 at the time. Sorry but these young women, who have NO training in child care, not even having had their own children, are NOT the best ones to raise my children, why, they are almost children themselves. Then you have the ones who “forget” and leave small and helpless children in cars/day care buses for hours and many a child has actually DIED from being left in a hot car/bus. Some care.

January 22, 2013 at 8:16 am
(93) mitzy says:

The turnover rate of the employees is very bad, because it is hard, and demanding work that requires a huge personal sacrifice to do every minute of every day, with a smile and a loving heart. The pay, sadly, comments on how little we value our children and all those supplies are not cheap, and a daycare must LOOK good even if in reality it isn’t. Daycares are BUSINESSES, not loving hearts.
It works for some, and there are no doubt good ones, but that depends on your area. The costs are such that any pay, a non professional woman makes is usually just paying her costs. The profit margin shrinks greatly if you add more than one child to the mix.
I have also done “after school” daycare, and these kids are really not too well adjusted, but operate more like sad little orphans and wish they could go home like other kids do. They are hungry and tired.
Frequently they don’t do as well in school, often go deliquent for some parential attention, or have “bonding” problems later in life.
So, I strongly feel unless a woman must work to survive or support her husbands income, it is best if she can be her own childs “day/nite” care. That is my personal opinion. For me, and my choices.
I don’t, nor will I ever regret that choice, but I am sorry it had such a high price , in my old age or that my personal sacrifices to do right by my kids when faced with the alternative types of care, is sure biting ME now. .

January 22, 2013 at 8:46 am
(94) Mitzy says:

I am constantly amazed at the men who hold out their ‘earning worth” to prospective “mates” or “lays” and reel in desperately broke women (with or without children from first marriages) then proceed to devote all their marital energy to earning more, use working to excuse all sins, try and supress a woman’s needs for Personal ATTENTION, then when the money doesn’t dazzle these women, who begin to resent all the attention MONEY gets, men who make MONEY the GOD in the marriage, usually are the FIRST ones to cry Golddigger, when she leaves for someone a bit less money oriented. Geez

January 22, 2013 at 9:05 am
(95) Matt says:

I was an emotionally distand husband. I made many of the listed mistakes. For whatever reason, I just didn’t get it. When she hit me with divorce, it immediately made me rething everything in my life. Sure, I made mistakes, and had issues – but you can’t blame those things. You live and learn. It’s easy to play the blame game, but if you really love someone, you have to own your mistakes – even if it means that you lose them, anyway. And then you make every effort to make sure that you NEVER do that to another human being, EVER.

I love my soon to be ex-wife more than anything in the world. I just didn’t love her the way she needed. She is as human as I am, and if I had only realized that my emotional needs were never greater than hers, I would have had a woman who would never left my side. She is a great woman, with incredible character, and I lost her. The love of my life. The only good thing about it, is that I learned how to break certain patterns of behavior, including emotional abuse.

If you are the emotionally unavailable husband, get your act together. If you think you love your wife even a little, shed your emotional retardation, and learn to appreciate her. If you don’t do it now, because you want to, you’ll either end up in misery, or you’ll end up better off, but having lost her… Choice is yours.

January 22, 2013 at 9:45 am
(96) Mitzy says:

It is up to the couple to try and decide just how important money is going to be, it isn’t an emotion, just a necessary evil. I used to scrimp, and buy second hand, or re-dye old clothes, or make the kids clothes and bought every but food second hand. You know what appreaciation my husband showed for that frugality?
He groomed the dog, polished the desks of women who spent THEIR husbands or their money on their LOOKS, and told me I had let myself go, and why didn’t I put the kids on soccer teams (costly), and go to a gym (costly) and appreciate his money.
I took some of his advice and NOW I was a gold digger, or worse a trashy woman, just laying around spending his money.

January 22, 2013 at 5:58 pm
(97) Big Pete says:

I’m 27 and took my older friends recommendations to Never get married it doesn’t work in a country where Liberalism exist because on a Spiritual Level it’s CORRUPTED.You cannot fix a woman to be a certain way, nor either a man.Check all those Muslim,Religious Countries even India and the divorce rate is like zero.Doesn’t mean that the Muslim woman super happy.But they probably understand at a spiritual level they are married for the Good ones and Bad ones.Which we could assume are bad with those Country Men being control freaks (what we know from the media)……In America everyone is Free to do as they please,both sexes, So at this level if you don’t have God in your heart both of you, doubt your relationship going to work, even Christians themselves divorce as well. Is more like a few percentto might make it out to be first hand witness of being marry for 25+years. I don’t think our ancestors were any different than us in this generation.Could it be Liberalism destroys moral and spiritual conducts/levels. Everything goes and you are free to do as you please,in committed relationship you have to forget about it and we know who is this-woman must submit to her man.Exactly, we were brought not to think like this in the last 30year or so generation……..There’s no easy answer to this, But turn to Conservatism and compared the Marriage statistics.Doesn’t mean everyone happy in it, But each and one of them sexes has given up some kind of freedom up…Which back to our Americanism……..Eat your cake now…. lol

January 22, 2013 at 6:20 pm
(98) Cathy Meyer says:

@Big Pete, sorry but the prevalence of divorce has nothing to do with how conservative or Christian a person is. According to the Christian Science Monitor, conservative states have the highest divorce rates AND more teen pregnancies.

Liberals are far more likely to make a marriage work than Christians due to their level of education and the fact that they marry later in life. And their understanding that marriage does not mean a woman becomes subservient to a man.

http://www.csmonitor.com/Commentary/Opinion/2010/0312/High-divorce-rates-and-teen-pregnancy-are-worse-in-conservative-states-than-liberal-states

January 22, 2013 at 8:26 pm
(99) Elizabeth says:

I can understand people not being happy and in bad marriages but I could never understand why people think the grass is greener on the other side. Really? Just because someone has a new outfit on and got all prettied up for you and can suck up to you until they have won you over? Everyone is human and they have faults just like anyone else, sometimes worse. Mixed marriages are hard on children and I wish that people would put their children first before jumping into second and third marriages just because they can’t make it on their own. Kids don’t want to be put in a house with other kids and made to call them sister and brother when they really aren’t and made to call someone mom or dad when they really aren’t. To me, this does not make sense at all…it’s like jumping from the pot to the frying pan.

January 22, 2013 at 11:09 pm
(100) Mark says:

End “no-fault” divorce laws. Problem solved.

Divorced rates tripled the following 10 years after Reagan started no-fault divorce laws. You don’t need to take stats 101 to see what made divorce rates explode.

Thankfully, I am dating a woman who is on the same page about marriage. She wants nothing to do with it. Marriage is a long-term relationship. The only difference is the tax incentives (which you can get in a relationship if you hire an attorney), and gender biased liabilities.

January 24, 2013 at 12:14 am
(101) jared says:

To all of you guys on here, confused about why your wife is “not happy” and she’s leaving you: read “Women’s Infidelity” by Michelle Langely.
I thought we were soulmates. Then the accusations began. I did everything I could to save our marriage, but she just wanted to play around because the grass is always greener somewhere else. Easier to leave your husband in ruin, take the kid and demand money from him than it is to follow your marriage vows and work.

January 24, 2013 at 7:48 am
(102) Mitzy says:

The is a reason for the “put the blame on the one leaving”saying, “The Grass is Greener”. Here is the part you are supposed to get in my opinion. Grass is greener when it is WATERED, and the WEEDS are taken out…meaning to me, people can be tempted by greener grass, but too many people expected green grass with NO care, no watering the relationship, no removing the weeds (neglect) that will eventually choke out the grass. (a good relationship kept so by care)
Instead of blaming the one who leaves, one might think about what they did to fail to nuture the relationship and remove the weeds (too many committments elsewhere and not giving to the relationship enough time and attention) .
Men maybe visually attracted to a woman who looks more tended, while gripping that their wives spend too much on their own looks. The grass is greener from a womans view, when interacting with another man who seems caring, and attenative.

January 24, 2013 at 8:04 am
(103) Mitzy says:

I hear you Elizabeth. I was a second wife. I thought long and hard (apparently not enough) about that choice, because I agree that it confuses a very already confusing situation.
This was my first marriage and already at 23 years old, it was hard to find a mature man, that hadn’t already been married and divoriced. I had NO experience with that and truthfully had never KNOWN anyone who was divoriced (that people talked about anyway) back then.
One might as well expect to dance with aliens, as to my experience with divorice. Just seemed unnatural according to my own upbringing. But, I loved this man deeply and he seemed to NOT be the reason for the divorice. (seemed being the operative word here, I found later).
In spite of what people want to believe not all people blend well with others, many of us cannot conqueor our insecurities and jealousies alone.
I gave it my best shot, but it was clear the man I married had done PLENTY to contribute to his being divoriced and wasn’t the good guy he had painted himself as at all.
He was a workalcholic, selfish, lacked empathy and very narcissistic and when bucked CRUEL. His way or the high way, all cloaked in a sugar coating. The Only thing going for him was his ability to earn big money. I saw NONE of this prior to getting married to him myself. No one or thing meant anything to him, but money sure did, it was POWER.
I didn’t marry him for money as he didn’t have much when we met, but his whole life centered, very shortly, around making more and more money. That is all he seemed to be capable of caring about.

January 24, 2013 at 8:20 am
(104) Mitzy says:

To give the other side a look, maybe he felt a duty (a word often used against my emotional needs) to make enough to pay (and that is all he did) for his mistakes or his inability to really feel remorse or regret covered with money….but he let it consume hm as the ONLY thing required in marriage and life. If I needed any for our children or our lives he resented it horribly. It was as if you were draining his resources of POWER, as that is all he would give, and he clearly resented it.
Money wasn’t just a necessary evil, but more about representing the emotions he couldn’t feel. He loved by “buying you off” and then went on his way doing all kinds of hurtful things, I guess he thought his money would cover all sins.

January 24, 2013 at 9:07 am
(105) Mitzy says:

Carla, Your opinion is that your Dad, was only gone for your stepmothers benefit, but did he ASK her if that is what SHE wanted or needed? Maybe he wanted it and just assummed she agreed.
I tried very hard to have a relationship with my step daughters in the beginning, trouble was, their Dad began to see it as my responsibility SOLEY. He kinda just exited (by working too much) this area of his life. He wouldn’t talk about them or their needs, He couldn’t find a way to balance his “two wives and children” without hurting someone, so he just exited off to work. He wasn’t supportive in decisionn making, failed to help with a united front, and basically neglected BOTH of his families, and left them to “duke it out” so to speak. He often sat on the fence, and had trouble with establishing boundries, and tried to please everyone by saying YES, to everyone,and then removing himself entirely from the “follow through” on committments and promises he made to any of us.
He allowed hisself to be easily manipulated by his own “wishy washy” approach to the difficulties of blending families.
He spent time with them only to escape us and vice a versa.
I found it hard to communicate or support his “lies” just so he could escape problems, that might not have been there if he was honest, or realized his “limitations” in developing boundries, and a more hands on realistic approach to meeting peoples needs, and mostly they needed the truth, not just a lie to passify.
I don’t know why she, your step mom left, but I am sure she had her reasons. I would suggest you try and seperate your relationship with her, if that is possible, from the one you have with your Dad.
Let them work on the adult problems, try and stay out of the middle, as I assure you they both have differing versions of who is to blame and what went wrong.

January 24, 2013 at 1:20 pm
(106) Ian says:

after reading all the comments I have to say it’s not the fault of any gender but a change in circumstances and that neither party is able to completely adapt to the changes.

January 24, 2013 at 5:06 pm
(107) Uui says:

Mitzy obviously doesn’t work too hard if she can sit and write so many posts :)

January 24, 2013 at 11:57 pm
(108) People are People says:

Ian, well said. Maybe it is as simple as some people are no longer compatible, or they grow and change. We are obsessed with “fault” in our society. For every man that has wronged a lovely devoted woman there is a woman that has done the same. I am simply sad. Why does it have to be so hard? I know that many lessons can be learned from hard work, but sometimes it is all just a bit too much. Best of luck to us all.

January 26, 2013 at 3:34 pm
(109) Jeff says:

I can see where everyone is coming from. But i just dont understand everyone on here, i will read a womans comment and she will complain this and that and same with the men. No wonder why all you guys are living a lonely life why dont you just love each other everyday like its going to be your last, you will never ever know what you really had until you lose it. I love my wife to death and would do anything for her. We had are bumps in the road almost got divorced the third week of marriage. I was abusive i admit, she left and thats when it finally clicked is that i had to change or i would lose her. I chose to change because shes the most important thing in my life. If we can do it i have faith in all of you. Take some time for yourself after work cool down then take to your spouse instead of taking it out on them. Give them the benefit of the doubt. And love love love

January 27, 2013 at 2:45 pm
(110) Liam says:

My wife cheated on me I forgave her for sake of children but I have noticed its normal and excepted in her family . Her aunt who she is very close with cheats on husband every couple of years he take her back . Her younger sister does same and guy takes her back . I posted here because I just don’t get it . Is this just woman thing or is my wives family messes up . I actually heard her mother tell younger sister she was in fight with fiancéake sure you use protection . My wife just says wow have fun about another guy taking her away for weekend . My wife sees nothing wrong with this . So I am assuming I just fueled fire by taking her back they see it as normal. Now my daughter goes with aunt ice skating with new boy friend one weekend then next weekend with fiancé I say to wife this is wrong and bad for her to see and I don’t want her to see this she says dont make me chose it will not be you my daughter can see my sister anytime my sister wants she left use three times in last three years I’m thinking of telling her to leave and not come back I don’t want my daughter to have the morals of these people

January 27, 2013 at 6:07 pm
(111) george says:

woman divorce men mostly for money. if women got nothing then there would be far less people divored….remember now,a divorce=a distruction of the family. i’m greek and we dont believe in divorce…i cant even think about my mother being with another man….that would make her a “whore”.

January 29, 2013 at 9:35 am
(112) Mitzy says:

UUI, this is typical of some people that rather arrogantly make assumptions about others they actually know nothing about. Gee, it takes about 30 minutes max. to make 4-5 posts to a blog. I would never be so arrogant to assume that means they have the “life of Riley” due to a 30 minute snippet on a blog.
Apparently some people have a bit of trouble doing that math in regards to a 24hr day or even several weeks. Apparently you have never been on a debate team, or had much exercise with the brain, anyone can be insulting, it takes an intelligent person to actually THINK.

January 29, 2013 at 9:38 am
(113) Mitzy says:

UUI, according to your (faulty) premise you have equally as much time, no make that double the time on your hands, as you have time to read them.

January 29, 2013 at 10:20 am
(114) Mitzy says:

Amen, Maria. I think we have a nation composed of many such, little boys, who think someone should take the time above all else they may have to do, to “educate” these men that women are NOT soley responsible for making their life easy.
I had a husband that pretended to be confused, neglectful, forgetful, and incapable that took many many hours of my time,(this became a game of wills for him to engage me in then discount or refuse to hear or give creedence to anything I said) or spent time trying to “explain” basic decency,manners, human equality, courtesy and respect, logical cause and effect, and the importance of telling the truth, or how to not live by the “lie that would fly” mantra, or his tendencies to use others to do HIS work, emotional and otherwise.

I frequently wondered what his MOM did with all her opportunities to educate him as a child and a teen. Knowing what little I did about her, she wasn’t the type of woman to “not care” about these basic life lessons her son may have to put to use one day in his life or relationships
Then it hit me, no matter what she may have TRIED to teach him, he was a natural born “manipulator, delagator, liar, and irresponsible, and passive aggressive, that had ghosted his way through life, pretending “incompetence” to others in order to have more leisure time for himself.
He could be whatever he needed to be to remove himself from any committments or responsibilities to others. I guess it was genetic, as he frequently said when trying to insult me by putting down MY parents.
I realized I had married a a very narcissistic man. I don’t know who or what made him that way, but he simply couldnt, or wouldn’t EVER think of others in the way most people do.
He was stuck in the “all about me” phase of childhood for life.
Some people just refuse to hear anything not totally “affirmative”.
It is just “who” they are. Sad.

January 29, 2013 at 10:52 am
(115) Mitzy says:

Alan, Please, no one “allows” abuse. Abusive by nature people seek out or cultivate their targets like prey. Sometimes they spend years sowing the seeds of inequity.
Many men, do change, as soon as they legally can get away with “power trips” that feed the ego. Often times every thing is fine until a “prey” is totally dependant with children.
The most frequent times of abuse in life occur when a woman has, 1. no resources (perhaps forbidden by her husband to have contact with family, friends or advocates) 2. When her economic status changes due to the marriage and she is is now totally dependant on his income for herself and her children. 3. When she has children to be concerned about or use her maternal instincts to protect and 4. When a man becomes addicted to his power over her to abuse.
In short, you would not say a hostage “allowed” abuse. No one “allows” this, they just have NO resources to “disallow” this.
They have been neatly “trapped” by trust, dependancy, circumstances, and helplessness and fear of consequences for “disallowing” abuse.
Actually it can happen to anyone in the “right or ripe for it” circumstances.
Some men actually use weapons, pets, and sexual information regarding their spouse to their advantage, to abuse.
Many rely on alcohol to “excuse” their abusive ways.
A few people that are “abusive” actually are seen as very “nice” to people they have not targeted or trapped. This makes it very hard to prove or get away from.

January 29, 2013 at 1:25 pm
(116) Share says:

For twenty six years I have stayed with that man because I thought I could make it work. I changed myself. Did whatever he asked. Put up with his abusive behavior because he threatened to take the kids if I ever left him. Well guess what? The kids are gone. Goodbye sucker. Have fun trying to find another woman who will put up with you. Today you’ll be hard pressed to find a woman who will take that and stick by you. I’m done being a doormat and never told I’m anything but worthless. Let’s see how worthless I am when I’m gone.

January 29, 2013 at 1:43 pm
(117) blarg says:

It is interesting to note that the word love is an overused and undervalued word that people use day in day out. In alot of relationships it has lost its value as relationships are becomming just like mobile phones, people would rather upgrade to a new model then try and make things work.
there needs to be a re education or people to explain what love actually is as in to many cases people say it but never mean it maybe due to lack of understanding or ignorance.
I say to people if you want to break up wth them why you say you love them? Perhaps that should be a question that should be more widely asked and be interesting to see the replies I accept you can “fall out of love” but in alot of cases I do not think that is the reason.

January 29, 2013 at 7:49 pm
(118) Mitzy says:

One thing I noticed, is my husband never, ever, never apologized. (unless he patronizingly said, “what ever you say”.
His favorite thing to say was “what do you want me to say”, just another way to disassociate from any of my feelings (on anything) and make me do his work.Honestly he would myna bird ver batium any hints at how he could learn to apologize and make it right. So insulting.
He could be abusive by 1. saying nothing (stonewalling) 2. doing nothing (dimissing it’s importance) and 3. Always being too busy (unless of course it was what he wanted to do) 4. Silent treatment, or worse after a big issue or sore point doing it more pdq. 5. Be the most sweet and gentle (while knowing he had a gottcha backstab to be delivered when you least expected it and therefore would be the most hurt.)
It got so bad that if he was being “nice” it meant you just hadn”t found the mean he had planted yet (always when I thought maybe he had seen the light, then the gottcha.) This was doubly hurtful, as you really hadn’t expected it. And yes, he CLEARLY knew what he was doing. It was in humanely cruel.

January 30, 2013 at 12:02 am
(119) Russ says:

Talk about reasons heavily biased against men.

The reality is that men stay in marriage even when unhappy – they understand commitment and their vows better than women do.

Women think marriage is all about their own needs – what a man can provide for them. Women will give up instead of trying to fix a marriage. It’s that simple.

I’ve heard women divorcees say “I deserve to be happy”, despite a devoted husband who worked hard to maintain their lifestyles.

January 30, 2013 at 6:34 am
(120) Elizabeth says:

Just want to say that I appreciate all posts and can learn from each and every one of them. With that said, I believe marriage is extremely hard, probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do for the last 32 years. Hard times?…you bet. Lots of forgiveness?…you bet. But, for all of the younger people out there who are trying to make it and find the magic to make a marriage work, I will tell you that I have learned alot. Men are from Mars and women are from Venus?….you bet. Sometimes, divorce is inevitable in the case of abuse or someone who is so hard headed who will not see their own faults and work on them. I feel fortunate that I have a mate who was able to see his faults too and work on them and is still working on them. But marriage is a two-way street and it’s up to both parties to give their best and listen to the other. There is a new book out and I wish I could think of the name that gives all of the benefits of staying married from recent statistics. Look around…..divorce reaps poverty..single mothers raising children need government assistance and often throw themselves into unhealthy relationships just for money to help raise their kids. Step-fathers sexually abusing small children is on the rise…is that what people want for their children? Statistics in this book also prove that people who stay married have more money and their children have more money. And again…please do not think I am promoting to stay in an unhealthy relationship….I am promoting that a man and a woman are equally responsible for the healthy environment that enables a marriage and family to flourish in.

January 30, 2013 at 9:27 am
(121) Mitzy says:

Russ, First I say this to you with all respect, in hope of “problem solving”not to bash or confuse or esculate the gender war issues here.
It is simply this, while it may appear all women want is a material oriented lifestyle, in reality, after talking to many, many, women, while they realize some material things are important, or “nice” to have, most are very creative in “making do”, to a point. They would be willing to live in a modest house, clean, and well maintained, with a loving giving man, that supports and protect them and the family. By support, I don’t mean money alone.
I think the truth most men fail to be honest about is THEIR own drive for what they perceive as success. MORE and MORE money. Far too many men (and I am talking about mistakes men make, knowing full well that many women make mistakes, self included) is that they WANT to climb the ladder for their own ego’s sake more or as much as they want happy homes.
Then, to excuse their own ambition, they blame it on the wife, and her need for more and more material things.
I say that from being married to an ambitious man, who lost site of just who was mostly benefitting from his job only efforts in life. He was. I like stuff as much as most women, but did not shirk from making do. Unfortunatly to support his own self vested drive for “approval” by reaching the top of the ladder, I was frequently blamed for his own drive away from home life as “not his concern” as he allowed his ambition on the job, to take far too MUCH precident over his success on the homefront. I was the “excuse” not the cause, of his workalcoholic drive.

January 30, 2013 at 9:41 am
(122) Mitzy says:

His own ego oriented ambition, vicitimized himself. My part was when told I hiim I was lonely, he showed me his personal net worth spread sheet.
When I was frugal, he encourage me to spend (justified his ambition). When I worried about no “family time” he paid for us to go without him. When I found my own hobbies and friends, (due to his refusal to be one) he became jealous and felt betrayed.
When I saved money by fixing it myself, rather than hire someone or buy new, he thought me too “manly”. When I asked him to get outside help, if he didn’t know how to fix something, he called me a nag.
When I did show him the “savings” and so could we go out to dinner now? He told me he couldn’t afford the time or money to spend time with me, or his family, but hey, look at my NET worth, isn’t that better? On and on.
The more I did the more I realized I was enabling his issue with getting his sole worth from his work, and NO satisfaction from our marriage, man to woman relationship, or his childrens emotional development.
End result? All this money he “needed” and all the steps on the ladder where everything else was sacrificed did NOT insulate him from losing it all but his titles in life. Now he blame ME for his being broke? I am a golddigger….? He was misguided as to WHAT was really important in life.

January 30, 2013 at 1:55 pm
(123) the problem is... says:

with both parties in these examples, the women are demanding and the men are expecting.

one demands he stop doing things with his friends on the weekend to spend more time with the family.

the other blames him for not having a social life.

and by all rights i agree with the ” her being to sensitive” comment, surly there were more outstanding reasons that were not spoken about in this case.

clearly the problem lies not with any partner but a failure of the marriage as a whole due to not one of them taking the initiative and working to improve their marriage together.
Therefore both parties are to blame and the only real victim in any of this were the children.

January 31, 2013 at 6:59 am
(124) Lion says:

I’ve neglected my wife more than once over the course of our 15 year marriage. We have had some serious problems before – she slept with other men the first time she felt neglected. By the time she told me two years have passed since the last incident. I forgave her, since in essence it was my fault I neglected her.
She is now claiming I’m neglecting her again. She gets verbally abusive during arguments, so I’ve always tried to avoid arguments and walk away to cool down (I had serious anger issues when I was a kid, and learnt that walking away from such situations works the best for me). Maybe this is not the way to handle these situations, it probably just enlarges the lack of communication between us.
Then she insulted me just too much before I could get away, and I slapped her open handed. So I quadrupled all the problems in a split second. I can offer no advice to anyone – I just want to feel a bit better by sharing my experience.

January 31, 2013 at 2:15 pm
(125) EMC says:

Funny, but I have most of the above-mentioned issues. I never have been good about asserting myself so I learned to let them go. According to what I hear about relationships in third world countries, it’s even worse. But from what I’ve seen, we are fast getting on board with the mindset men who do not assume responsiblity and let the women do the lion’s share of everything all the while blaming those same women for complaining at them.

I love my husband. He did work hard until he retired; however, he has viewed his job outside the home as his only responsibility. Upon those grounds, I’ve always worked in some capacity. (Longer hours and I earn more in a white collar profession) . I also raised my son and did everything around the house.

Having vented, I do put some blame on women. Let the men work and you stay home. If you have a place to live and food on the table, that’s enough. Don’t knock yourself out by trying to have everything. It’s not possible and the only rewards will be the “stuff” that you buy. The happiest, most peaceful years I had were the few years I worked from home and raised my son. Don’t let your friends, your family, your husband or your desire for better vacations, clothes and things get in the way.

My husband is now retired and thinks I was a saint putting up with him all those years. Would he be different if he were to relive those years? Not a chance. He has regrets but no ability or desire to change. It’s not wired into a guy DNA to care more about the family unit than their own selves.

Just sayin….

January 31, 2013 at 8:08 pm
(126) jason says:

my name is Jason i was in the us army and went to Afghanistan leaving my wife and two kids Was away from home for 2 years when i returned my wife told me she was no longer interested in the marriage that if she could survive for 2 years without me the marriage is meaningless.leaving home for 2 years was not easy but not having a family when i came back was more difficult i pleaded continuously with her for 2 years even left the army just to convince her but all my attempt to get her back failed. This faithful day was about to sign a friend guest book when i saw a post about a spell caster at first i laughed but took the email address and phone number after 2days something inside of me just asked me to contact him so i did he asked for her full name and her picture which i sent he told me she was going to call me after 48 hrs to my surprise she called my even before the 48 hrs elapsed and said he was wrong to have left me and said she wanted me back .just using this testimony to encourage other men and even women to contact this great spell caster for good luck spell,marital and relationship problems,wining lottery etc this is his direct contact . docigodo@gmail.com and Tel :+2348169138446.
Thank you.
Jason

February 1, 2013 at 6:03 am
(127) Elizabeth says:

EMC…..loved your comment….it’s inspiring to hear from women like yourself who have made it to retirement years with marriage intact. And you are honest and up front about the hardships of marriage and struggles, some of them still being there. I think if younger people would put themselves around older and wiser people they would be better off….instead of putting themselves around people who help them destroy their marriage. I do agree….if a woman has a husband who works hard and is a good breadwinner….she should feel fortunate and reap the benefits….whether that be staying home with children, frequent shopping…spending time with friends and having social time with their children and their friends. Too many people get caught up in “dreamworld” of another man making all their dreams come true and being their soul mate. Blah…..just doesn’t ever happen and it’s not reality…men are men and they are different. I really like your last paragraph as I can so relate. I encourage everyone to read the book “The Five Love Languages” , it really can encourage you in a rough relationship and open your eyes.

February 1, 2013 at 7:52 am
(128) David says:

Hated the article; although if you took out the word “men” and replaced it with “women” in most places, it would have described my situation. I was married for 20 years to a woman who was emotianally detached, had no interest in introspection and whose favorite tactic if open discussion happend was to simply “stonewall” me. I used to call it her Wall of SIlence. I am affectionate, and attentive, told her I loved her, and would say sorry on the occasions where I felt I had gone too far. I never heard the word “sorry” from her once in 20 years. She left me three years ago, and has been stonewalling me ever since. The worst part about it though, is that she has brought our four kids onto her planet, so I never see them anymore, and they all claim that it’s what they want. I wish that I had been with a woman like Mitzty, Elisabeth or EMC. My wife was the opposite of all of you. She was a stay at home mom, and even though I worked like a dog, I still managed to play with my kids, cook suppers (weekends, I would completely take over kitchen duties to give her a break) clean up (though it was never to her standards) and tuck my kids into bed every night. BUT, it was NEVER enough. To her, I was a machine, and I was unable to give her all that she “needed” (we NEVER lived up to the neighbours). so after refusing counselling for the last time, she left. And, yes, Cathy Meyer who wrote the article, after working so hard, and trying so hard to please her, I felt BLINDSIDED!

February 1, 2013 at 10:49 am
(129) David says:

….but what really, really burns me about the way my ex-wife handled everything, is the life-lessons she has taught, and is teaching our children:

1. A conflict between two people can be 100% one person’s fault
2. Screw commitments and vows; if you’re not happy, quit.
3. When you get mad, stay mad.
4. The best form of communication is complete silence.
5. Never, under any circumstances, forgive
6. Human feelings and needs don’t really matter
7. NEVER explore the potential of therapy, mediation or counselling.

All good tools to make healthy, happy and well-adjusted adults.

February 2, 2013 at 7:44 pm
(130) Angela French says:

Hello,
My name is Angela me and my husband are getting divorced cause
he’s very mean and mentally abusive we have a 17 month old little boy
he’s now refusing to pay child support because the divorce isn’t final yet
and he thinks that he doesn’t have till it is because the court won’t consider it child support he is being very unreasonable and he usually does something that hurts me or upsets me on a daily basis I really don’t know what I should do I don’t want to be mean or anyone to think I’m trying to keep our son from him but he’s being so unreasonable that I can’t even finish filing the papers cause we were gonna try to do it
ourselves to save money but he won’t give me child support and I need
a date that it would start for the permenent parenting plan I can’t finish
it without it I don’t know what to do if anyone could help or has some advice for me I would much appreciate it Sincerly,Angela French

February 4, 2013 at 7:01 pm
(131) Joe lunch Box says:

Sole bread provider, mutually agreed. Both spent time with children’s activities every week. Shared house duties, laundry, cleaning etc.. Needed more money as family grew. We met, discussed, and agreed I would go back and finish my degree at night.

I still incorporated all house hold chores (shared). She felt the vacancy and picked up with a mutual friend. No worries, married and we as couples did the movie weekend end and kid outing together.
Unknown to me and her husband, she was unhappy and had started to flirt , then meet on and annual retreat guys 25 years younger(our children age).

One thing lead to another and my wife spent the night with a “BOY” of 27 years…my daughters age.

When trust is violated it is hard to rebuild as I am trying now. The pain is ; I would have spent my life with her staring into her eyes growing old together. Now, it has been 2 years and has not gotten better.

Conclusion: every time I look at woman now that i am investing into myself and trying in the relationship, I see only very needy and broken people wanting some one to be what the media says they should have in a partner…It doe not exist. Marriage is work. We all need to grow up..

February 4, 2013 at 9:02 pm
(132) Counselor says:

Obviously, the writer has no cultural competences, as far as I can tell. While the “advice” given here may apply to Caucasian-Caucasian relationships, the dynamic that exists in a Caucasian-Asian relationship is woefully neglected.

My own wife, a woman raised in a broken family–as was established by her Japanese mother (and grandmother)–is apparently incapable of insight and is wholly ruled by a shame-based self concept. Her decision to end our marriage and put our 18 month old child at risk of developmental problems is evidence of this truth.

I admit that I acted in a “co-dependent/enmeshed” fashion; my wife was a long-time cannabis addict, though she abstained for many years. However, once she started using again, she was able to recognize that she “needed to find herself.” More like she needed to find herself in bed with her pot dealer, if you ask me.

Asians and Asian-Americans live and die on the edge of shame. It is a concept that most Americans cannot or do not fully understand.

My advice: NEVER marry a woman who shows evidence of being passively abused by her family. Though it is tempting to “take care of” this kind of wounded individual, you cannot repair the damage done by her family; particularly if they are Asian.

February 8, 2013 at 4:18 am
(133) The5LoveLanguages says:

I believe that often, people simply marry the wrong people. I know I did. My primary love language was Physical Touch, and last for me was Gifts. For my wife, these were reversed.. The thing is, you don’t notice this as much during the courtship and honeymoon phases because you tend to be more inclined to exercise all of these love languages at a higher level. But after the honeymoon, you will tend to cool off on those that are not your primary.

I read another article where the majority of people on both sides had felt that they were the more loving in the relationship. What that tells me is that they had mismatched love languages. It is OK if you do, but you have to then make the commitment to use the love language that the other needs to receive. So in my case, I needed to give more gifts, while my wife needed to be more physically affectionate. But that’s not always very easy, especially when you are as mismatched as we were.

Also, just because women put more effort into the communication, does not mean they are better at. Often, women are like bulls in a china shop. Sure, not leaving a stone unturned, but also breaking all the china in the process.

A good example is that me and my wife had developed a deep disagreement over an issue. The issue isn’t important but how things ere handled is. See, yes, my wife talked to all of her friends, and family, and anybody else who would listen, and of course, they all told her that she was in the right. Of course they would, because the situation was explained in a one sided way, from my wife’s point of view.

However, we went to counseling. Pastoral counseling, and he gave us a talking object. When I had it, I could explain my side of it, and had to use I messages. When I was done, she got the object, but she didn’t get to respond, she had to repeat. She had to repeat what she was told, but could paraphrase if possible.

When we got done, she started crying because for the first time, she actually saw the issue from my side and had decided on her own that in fact, she was the one being bull headed and wrong.

This happens a lot. Men often feel that communication is treated as a game of strategy by women. They don’t spend enough time actually looking at things from his point of view, and put far more effort into simply trying to use her superior communications kills to manipulate him into what she wants.

It also helps if a woman would actually appreciate our compliments. I’m tired of women complaining about this when they treat our compliments as nothing but if some new guy compliments her, she blushes and you can see her spirits brighten. I asked my wife about this once, and she admitted that she wanted the compliments, but that it didn’t affect her the same because I had to say something nice, but another man does not. It’s really a load of garbage, but it’s easy for them to believe. The other man could just be trying to begin a courtship dance to get her in bed. His compliments should not be treated as somehow more genuine than a husbands.

We men remember how a simple compliment used to light up your face like a million watt bulb, and it hurts when we make a compliment and it gets a low emotion, “Oh..thanks.” for a response.

Also, women can be very brutal in their passive aggressive behavior. For instance, our dishes didn’t always come out clean, so I loaded the dishwasher as instructed as I had seen on the internet. My wife was very passive aggressive, and s after dinner, when she loaded the dinner dishes, she started rearranging the dishes. When I told her what I had done, she started slamming the dishes int to he dishwasher, and totally ignored me. It was her way of saying…this is how it’s done…because I say so.

And finally, men would probably do far more for their wives if they did get their praise. Women aren’t the only ones who want compliments. For instance, they simply get dressed to go out and expect us to give a compliment. Why? I mean aren’t they really just doing what they were supposed to do? Don’t we all get cleaned up and dressed nice to go out? But then if the guy does something, they don’t give a compliment.

Here’s my point. Say a man doesn’t do a lot of housework, but one day he thinks, “You know, I should probably do more to help her out, so I will do the laundry today.” So he does it, and in his mind, the whole time he is doing it, he fantasizes that she will light up like a million watt light bulb, and show her appreciation. Instead, she walks in and says, “You did it wrong!” Or, she says, “Well it’s about time you did something to help out. You cold have done the dishes too if you really wanted to be helpful.”

Then she gets angry when the next day he says screw it, pops himself down in his chair and watches TV.

As for the speaking to friends thing goes. This is actually not helpful to relationships. As I said, women put more effort into it, but they are like bulls in a chine shop. Part of that has to do with the fact that most women are emotion minded, and most men are logic minded. So what a woman does, is she tells her friends about how bad her husband is, when all she really wants is some emotional encouragement from them. She gets it and it becomes a vicious cycle. Eventually the friends become an enemy to the relationship and tell her to get out. If they went to a pastoral counselor as we did, she might find out that she was the one that was in the wrong, not him. And she can fix herself and save the marriage.

And finally, we are tired of getting our heads bit off for the slightest infraction, while she will talk much more respectfully to a friend who has done much worse. Just because we are married doesn’t mean we should get less respect than your friends.

February 8, 2013 at 6:23 am
(134) Elizabeth says:

I agree that the 5 love languages can be confusing. My love language is physical touch and my husbands is acts of service. So, when my husband would take the trash out, I just viewed it as one of our weekly chores and whether he did it or I did it, it just needed done. He viewed it as the fact that , boy, she’s going to see that I took the trash out and that I really love her. I love how the book explains how it all works….So, he needs to be more conscious of my physical touch and I need to remember to compliment him when he does things around the house. It’s hard for me to let go of the thought that if 2 adults enter into an agreement to buy a house, that there will be work to be done as far as being a homeowner and upkeep on the property. Now, I can do more work than him around the house plus work a full time job and remain very active in my childs sports and school activities and hear pretty much nothing but when he takes the trash out or sweeps the garage floor, I need to remember to compliment him. It’s hard to praise someone when you aren’t getting it back or when your love language is not being met. There are always 2 sides to every story so if someone is complaining about things to other people it’s really not a clear picture as to what really goes on.

February 9, 2013 at 6:41 pm
(135) mike says:

best insight into women / what every man should know:
Briffault’s Law
don’t believe the feminist hype gentlemen, you have been had.

February 10, 2013 at 3:50 pm
(136) divorcesupport says:

@Mike, Briffault’s Law? Misogynistic fuzzyheaded BS.

Misogynistic because it implies that women are more self-serving, cynical, and conniving than men.

Fuzzyheaded because the term “benefit” used in the “law” is deliberately left undefined. I might similarly say that wooples are disproportionately frinakatered in the sumbpling and ask folks to discuss it. If you use terms without definitions, language collapses.

BS because there’s no evidence whatsoever proffered to support such a misogynistic “law.”

There is also Speaker’s Law which states, that men will only associate with a woman so long as the woman continues to benefit the man. Once the womman proves that she can no longer be of benefit, the man cuts all association. Also fuzzyheaded BS.

The reality of male/female relationships, Just because you have taken care of or nurtured someone does not mean that they will return the favor…regardless of gender. I don’t know of a man or woman who is going to maintain a relationship with someone if there is 0 benefit to them from the relationship. That is just common sense.

February 11, 2013 at 7:36 am
(137) Mitzy says:

I have read a multitude of “self help” books. As to the care and feeding of husbands………..really……….they are not dogs to be trained. I didn’t get married to be someone’s Parent. Last I looked I spoke English. I tried EVERYTHING but slathering insincere compliments. Ok, I even tried that……I agree with the poster who said FOR REAL, you can only compliment someone for so long who never gives back, they just get a big head. It HAS to be all about them.
I went to many award ceremonies for my husbands accomplishments. However if he allowed it (sorry word but true) and I got a first place ribbon for raising rabbits, a first place for a painting or won something of great value due to skill or luck in my hobbies..he DELIBERATELY ignored it entirely. Why? He simply could not share the limelight or allow me pride in anything, let alone support it emotionally. Him giving a compliment was like cutting off an arm. He simply couldn’t spare ANY of himself, and was very competetive and jealous.

February 11, 2013 at 7:38 am
(138) Mitzy says:

In reality, he was VERY immature constantly needing built up, and part of that was to ignore anything I was good at or proud of . Married thirty five years, four girls and not once did he even mention I was a good mother.
Nor did he ever emotionally support my endeavors in that area but took it ALL for granted, seriously I took care of everyone and all their needs….but I was never cared for or appreciated. That was HIS job and well he just couldn’t give me credit for anything. IF anything all he could do was remove support, critisize, and complain.
If he just occassionally took me out for coffee, or on a min three day vacation and EVER treated me like his partner in life…Our marriage could have gone on forever, nope I was “selfish” to expect that since I took care of him and everyone else…part of HIS job was to care and take care of me. He just wasn’t the giving type, unless he was trying to impress others. Privately, he was neglectful, mean, blaming and cruel and loved to put me in “no win” situations.

February 11, 2013 at 7:48 am
(139) Mitzy says:

by saying I didn’t get married to be someone’s parent, I didn’t mean to our children, but being HIS mom wasn’t my job. Or my idea of marriage, he just needed to USE me and I agree he felt I was no longer willing to be just a “supply” depot to his ego.

February 11, 2013 at 7:55 am
(140) Mitzy says:

It simply became a case of “he is just not that into you”. How could he be? He was way too into himself to have anything left over he would share.

February 11, 2013 at 8:22 am
(141) Mitzy says:

Ok, so here we are seperated for over a year, unable to finalize the divorice, cause he thinks HE should get to do a rewind to “his days before family” and HAVE all the money (he didn’t have then) to feel like his is a someone.
He has NO furniture (by choice bet that changes when actually divoriced and he runs out and buys new, takes stuff from the kids and THEIR money), and lays around watching TV (I offered to share one, but he said he “couldn’t afford the cable bill, so I offered one just to watch movies on, no thanks he says) but our older daughter who feels sorry for him (which is what he wants is pity, not admiration) took him one and a vcr.
He wants everyone to see how mean I am to him. (he of course has sit it up to look that way and no one knows how much money he is taking out of the pension behind the scenes against orders). He is a terrible manipulator, and he loves triangulating the family.
So, here I am with ALL the responsibility of our former life, 3 acres, pets, youngest daughter and ALL the bill paying responsibilities to include paying his bills at his hideaway, and he begins to lecture me about how I never grew up. Really?, his arrogance is his bliss.

February 11, 2013 at 6:48 pm
(142) Helen says:

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February 11, 2013 at 10:30 pm
(143) Mitzy says:

5lovelanguages
Superior communication skills, may be a female strength. The reason that women “discuss” things with several people is not to just get someone to take their side, but as part of a decision making process with input from others ideas and perhaps experience, it is a very intelligent thing to do that has been misunderstood, and misconstrued as indicating weak decision making skills.
This simply is usually not the case, Women are more apt to seek “outside” the box (their own experiences) input than do men.
Men often ridicule what is clearly a sign of healthy functioning or “doing the homework” before deciding,
I think that it is a shame more men cannot adopt the value of seeking input from several sources rather than just ego oriented thinking all answers lie within themselves.
Input is always educational. I feel that, out of fear of being seen weak and indicisive men often operate with tunnel vision, and frequently see their own (sometimes limited input oriented) decisions as being correct, and above question………….they, in my experience, want to be seen as “experts” in all areas and frequently expect to win an arguement or course of action by sheer will, or in a more combatitive stance than a true educated or input oriented with all angles considered view.
Many books have been written on the competitive way men deal with each other conversationally or otherwise, and frequently that is NOT a good approach in dealing with a woman who seeks input from many sources (not just friends and family) before plotting a course of action.
I believe to a degree this is due to “programming”… for obvious survival or nesting purposes.
It is also valuable if the two utilize their strengths and meet in the middle with respect for each person valid view…a healthier course of action can result.
However, with a lot of men this is far too threatening to contemplate.
They are still in a compete and conqueor frame of mind.

February 11, 2013 at 10:46 pm
(144) Mitzy says:

5love languages,
“Then she gets angry when the next day he says screw it, pops himself down in his chair and watches TV”
I have experienced this tactic of silent and aggressive communication from my husband and I find it very childish and passive aggressive. Especially since women have a valid point that they do many, many ,many things in a day (and night) that NO one thanks them for, and women are frequently held to a very high standard of “expectations”.
This may be a male coping skill, but women see it as very immature, defiant, lazy, aggressive and disrespectful.
They also resent the immaturity of this because every little thing is not praised to the heavens. We just don’t get the childish…I mean when a grown man does something more like a child with less mature coping skills might do….respect goes out the window.
This behavior never got my husband any “gold stars”. I have seen such behavior in classrooms of kindergarteners who are easily frustrated, and it to me is a sign more impulse control skills are needed enforced. It is also the manifestations of poor sportsmanship.
It is hard to love what you cannot respect…maybe the “disgust” this act generates in your wife with your use of such ineffective and immature communication skills in such a passive aggressive way, explains why YOU are not treated respectfully and her friends are. Two way street here. . Just sayin

February 11, 2013 at 10:58 pm
(145) Mitzy says:

On the silent “holding breath” of deliberately refusing to do your share with the house work if not praised extensively. My soon to be ex, frequently utilized the “childish breath holding” tactic of staging a “sit in” if he felt he wasn’t praised enough, for what most would consider foolishly easy tasks….ie taking out the trash.
In fact he protested so much, he hardly ever left that chair in front of the TV. Of course he wasn’t a child, but he was begging for “punishment” with such immaturity.
Guess what, if he was going to act like a child, it became very hard to not see him as one.
He is now in an apartment all by himself using an outdated TV, sits in lawn chairs and can veggitate all he wants. This is how far he carried this behavior. Right now he is apparently happy, BUT by the time he wakes up and realize he was so childishly manipulative in this manner that he will have lost his wife, his home, the respect of his chlldren, a good bit of money (lawyers) and certainly my respect for him as a mature human being.
This is a very dangerous game of silent protest. You would be better to indicate in WORDS that you don’t feel appreciated enough, and HEAR her when she says, “well you never do that for me either” and I don’t STOP contributing or carrying my load of responsibilities”.

February 12, 2013 at 6:42 am
(146) mitzy says:

5lovet languages.
I don’t agaree with the statement women are more emotion minded and men more logic oriented.. In my experience what many men do to “see their wives as perpetually silent never ending willing slaves with no rights or expectations of their own, nor “freedoms” ” defies any logic of human existance.
I say both genders can and should show emotion, how else would they end up together? They had strong emotions or emotional attraction to each other and used “logic” to decide to spend their lives together.

February 12, 2013 at 6:45 am
(147) Mitzy says:

Yes, women feel “safer” showing emotions, but they must learn to control these daily, in order to get unpleasant tasks done. If they were just a bundle of emotions, I can tell you no chore, nor childrearing would get done..because many times it takes a great deal of resolve to show caring for a family that all too often gives little back,
Using your logic, her emotional state of feeling demeaned, stripped of personal freedoms, and far too often unloved and unappreciated would cause her to “throw in the towel” and NEVER look back.
More and more women are using that logic….after years of pleading “logically” for their needs to be considered by frequently illogical men that think they have a monopoly on needing to be shown appreciation.
Most women who are shown no appreciation for all the multitude of task they do certainly feel that way. Womens work, in or out of the home requires an EXTREME amount of logic being used just to get the multitude of many faceted “tasks” done to the point of completion.

February 12, 2013 at 6:51 am
(148) Mitzy says:

It is a very thankless job for years and years. We share many of the emotions of men. One is the need to be praised and shown understanding and appreciation. Specifically, such as “I appreciate that you have taken the time to____________, I know that meant you went without_________________.
Logically, a man should be able to figure that out. Illogically many never do.
Using your logic a woman would be nothing more than a robot being meeting YOUR expectations, with NO emotion toward you and your children. It is her emotions that help her stay “in servitude”, she loves you or the children so much, the menial tasks and the difficult ones are done and overcome because of that love.
So, logically both men and women want to be praised and appreciated for the intelligence and effort their respective tasks take.
What is illogical is how so many men see what women do is expected but never appreciated and that they, the men, can emotionally self induldge in doing whatever they want ,all too often, and still expect to be praised.

February 12, 2013 at 4:43 pm
(149) Gerardo says:

@mitzy: I don’t think that anyone here dismisses how much you have gone through, according to what you have said. However, I often like to hear two sides of a story.

I have less experience than you do, much younger, and I grew resentful of women as well. That changed when I realized that not one person can fully satisfy the other. Today, we have been shown to fully reach for happiness. It is in my opinion that as long as there is: financial stability and there is no abuse(I don’t count emotional distance or neglect as abuse), couples should stand their ground and fight for it. There are so many couples in this world that cannot even fulfill those two requirements.

February 15, 2013 at 4:28 am
(150) mitzy says:

gerardo,
What one person tolerates or isn’t bothered by, may be different from another. I can satisfy my own happiness up to a point. That too is probably true of a lot of people. The trouble comes when you are with an unhappy person, a never happy person that doesn’t want YOU to be happy either. I have lots of hobbies, friends, and have worked.
Marriage isn’t supposed to be mutual suffering. Marriage and the benefits of it are supposed to allow one to get through hard times, with support, emotional support that says, “we are in this together”.
If you are married to someone that says, “we are in this, but leave me alone” constantly, that person has, in my opinion , defeated the whole point of marriage.
If one person chooses to self indulge, or takes for himself… what he or she, won’t also freely give the other again, defeated the marriage.
I for one, got tired of all the really important things (not material stuff) in marriage being denied me.
NEVER any convervation, companionship, no attection, no intimacy, no support (emotional), no praise.
The reasonn he felt I had to be reminded of WHOSE money it was, was because it was the ONLY thing I got out of our marriage, money in the place of loving acts. So the name on the paycheck dictates everything? The partnership ends or all things decided on who gives the most money that is not MY idea of marriage. Money is a necessary evil, not enough to withhold all other forms of being validated as a human being.

February 15, 2013 at 4:37 am
(151) Mitzy says:

I meant no attention and no affection. Just two people barely co existing in the same house, is not the point of marriage. He would withhold himself from me in all things, and when I started having friends (to go do things with cause he wouldn’t) he started a campaign of abuse in other ways. He was very controlling and very constantly emotionally distant. Apathetical, lazy and selfish. He wanted a mommy nurse/not a wife to share anything with. Yes, each person is mostly responsible for their own happiness/but NO person owns another.
People change, what once may have worked, or was working, now doesn’t at all, someone has gotten mean, nasty, backstabbing, selfish, abuses alcohol, and all of those around him.

February 15, 2013 at 4:44 am
(152) Mitzy says:

You can create your own happiness, by getting away from abusive (emotional, financial, and physical abuses and otherwise) people. That must be done in some cases, no matter how much of your own “happy” you try and create, the nature of the abuses of alcohol, is that it ends up becoming the abuse of others, in order for the “user” to deny any responsibility for his own acts.
I have tried to go with, fix, or help or support (emotionally) for 35 years, and finally concluded I will NOT spend the rest of my life this way. If that makes me selfish, then I am selfish. I did not vow to stay together no matter how I was treated, he said vows too. I guess he forgot them.

February 18, 2013 at 1:48 am
(153) Captain Dancy Pants says:

“Verbal abuse and emotional neglect.” A man who divorces over these things is ridiculed as not manning up and being able to take it. And he still has to leave her the house and be indentured to her for life.

February 19, 2013 at 6:09 am
(154) Elizabeth says:

Northern Guy…I can see why you would stereotype women into a certain category….please, big mistake. I happen to not fall into that category as I am sure many women do not. That is no different than women categorizing all men to be selfish, cheating bullies with egos. I am sure there are many good men out there and everyone knows who has been in a long term marriage that people change and problems occur. When I was a young girl and fell in love with what I felt was a really nice, kind boy with morals and values….I had no one telling me to look at this family history and the genes that were there. I was too young to question the family alcoholism, entitlement to abuse a woman, because she is a woman and the entitlement to put her down on a daily basis. As a young girl with a small baby….I tried every day to be the best wife and mother I could be and did a pretty good job at it. While most women my age who were married felt entitled to have a nite out with the girls, I was home reading to my child, attending sports events with her, music lessons, Girl Scouts etc… But, through the years I have realized one thing….one person does not make a marriage. So, with that said…there comes a day in a person’s life when you realize if you don’t take care of yourself and start putting yourself first (it’s called stop being co-dependent) that you will be sucked into a deep dark hole with this person. I welcome any positive change that my husband would like to make, just as I realize positive change is good for me but until both parties make that commitment the relationship will continue to decay. I’m not here to complain, act deluded or am bitter….I do, however, consider myself smarter and wiser after 33 years to know that there are alot of people who come from dysfunctional childhoods but using that as a crutch for the way you continue to live your life doesn’t cut it for me.

February 19, 2013 at 6:52 am
(155) Misty says:

Hi Kathy, I have been trying to decide if I should divorce husband of 15 years. We fight a lot we have 5 children. I am conserned about my kids if we do. He cheated on me 12 years ago, I tried forgive him. As far as I know he has not done it again. We had a big fight two weeks ago my sister was involved she called the cops and now chargers are being filed. Now he tries being nice and wonts files dropped. But I cannot forgive him and the cornering me to kissing him. I told him I am emotional abused. He asked if I winter someone else I told him it might not ever happen because I am confused by him. What should I do! Thank you.

February 19, 2013 at 11:48 am
(156) Fantsy says:

My marriage was set to fail from the start. My soon to be ex-wife left herself an “out” at every turn. She rationalized every life decision that gave her the upper hand & a sense of security & I let it happen. As primary provider(100k+) I did the Cooking, cleaned, drove our kids to school, & was the primary care giver when she was in Paris, Milan, etc. as a Flight Attendant about 9 days a month. 3 years ago she had to stop flying for back issues, it was debilitating, she took on depression where she refused to seek help. She pushed for marriage counseling, I went.
A year ago we agreed to separate after her insistence this would be temporary & was sure we could come back together. When I told her I could not move out in April but be out by May 1st, she went ”full guns” filing “constructive abandonment”, what a projection. She was emotionally abusive & I did not recognize this until months after I moved out.
Recently I was on a date & a woman stroked my arm, the hairs on my neck stood up it felt almost creepy. I was confused & in short I am a mess. I am getting better with help.
I fear that had I made more money & been less of a caring father to our children, I might still be sleeping in the basement & emotionally tortured, just so I could be nearer our children.
Many days are a struggle without our children & the school drop off after 4 days of being with them usually results in tears as I know legally I might not see them except for 1 out of the next 10 days. I fight a silent fight for equal custody & she has become more giving of their time of late but still it is not enough. I am struggling every day with my decisions as a father always second guessing myself. I will strive to be as wonderful of a father as my Dad is. All I can do is demonstrate to my children that I will be there for them & remain a consistent source of strength. That last bit is tough when my baby girl starts to cry over this :-(
A Fathers perspective

February 21, 2013 at 11:54 am
(157) sylar wesker says:

After reading this, I want to ask for advice….most of those reasons are why my gf divorced her verbal and physical abusive husband after 4 kids and 11 yrs.

Now I came into the picture 4 months after their separation, they were officially divorced another 4 months later, and I watched as she still kept unhealthy relations with him while she suddenly began to do all the things to me, that she did not like him doing to her. It wasn’t until after I moved in with her, and experienced 2 months of neglect did I decide to get my own place and begin to think about dating others.

When she still allowed his abuse to continue, but went to dinner with him and their kids (even after she would text me every time after those dinners saying it was a terrible experience and would never do it again) and then beg me to come over MD hold her after his trauma, that’s when I went completely fwd dating

Only after seeing me with another did she finally “realize” her love….but…she says she can’t trust my commitment and say the SAME thing

But…its me who bought 4 couples guide books and its me who wants counseling…. she is defiant

I love her and we are expecting our first baby in 8 months. She might be BPD… advice to fix? Or will I raise my child separate from her?

February 22, 2013 at 8:54 am
(158) John says:

It is my experience that women are poor communicators, lack self awareness and do not want to work hard on making personal changes.

I am about to leave my second wife because she believes she is always right. She is far from right.

My 14 month old son has started to hit her because she screams and bellows at him. Now that I have decided to leave, the future looks bleak for them both.

She will have to live on her teacher’s salary from now on and complain to the four walls.

February 23, 2013 at 9:14 am
(159) Elizabeth says:

Trust and commitment goes both ways in a relationship. Usually when a preson doesn’t want anything to do with counseling it’s because they don’t want to hear what they are doing wrong in the relationship. It’s called having your cake and eating it too.

February 28, 2013 at 5:49 pm
(160) TiredandIreally do have a headache says:

I found this site because of course being female I am looking for answers. I do not want to have sex with my husband. He wants it daily, but that’s too bad because he gets it about 2 x a month. Why? Because he ragged on the fact that he needed sex all the time. He failed to give me what I needed and never wanted to hang out with me, except to have sex. It really didn’t matter if I wanted to or not. From the last 20 years of dealing with this…and yes at times he has forced me to have sex, marital rape or whatever ya want to call it. It was against my will. But according to him I liked it. :) Anyhow, he cheated because obviously I made him feel undesirable, it was basically my fault he cheated because I wouldn’t have sex enough, most he ever went without sex was a month. This included times where I was healing from birth or hysterectomy surgery. I actually have tried very hard to keep him happy, but I don’t want to have sex anymore and now I will fight if he tries to force me, I don’t feel guilty for saying no. I simply was looking for some help to get him to understand what he has done to our relationship with the above behavior. My stupid ass still trying to fix this. I am sadly beginning to think maybe it is not fixable. From what alot of the posters say on here, I reckon I am probably wrong for not giving in more. But I have reached a point I can give no more. I am broken.

March 3, 2013 at 9:03 am
(161) Elizabeth says:

After reading many posts here, all of which I respect, I lost trac, so I went back and read the article again. I believe that every woman enters a relationship with a spouse of whom they can trust,someone they can count on in good times and in bad and not have such high expectations that make it impossible to meet. Our society makes it harder than ever to be in marriage.When you have people like Hugh Heffner who is a feeble, wrinkly old man who marries 20 year olds. He’s himself knows its about nothing more than money if he lived in a little old shack with no money…no one would probably be knocking at his door but maybe someone his own age. And then, you hear men who are going through divorces complain that their wives were money hungry. It’s a sad case of affiars but I personally thinks it’s gross when older men go after half their age….if men want respect, then live a life according. Marry someone your own age instead of your daughter’s and don’t expect your ageing wife to look half her age. Love the woman you married and who gave you children. I think marriage is hard and it’s constantly work but I think divorce and blended families would be harder. I hear about it all the time and although my marriage is far from perfect, I could not see myself investing in any other life than my own. My marriage, at some point, may not make it but I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. One thing I know for sure tho…my life will be my life whether I am married or not and I would never take on someone elses. Also, after I read the article, I happened to read the very first reponse by Meiewe which said “The grass is greener on the other side, ONLY because you don’t water your yard.” I feel this statement is for both men and women…a woman can water her yard over and over again but it is equally a man’s resonsibility to water his yard, as well. Marriage was not meant to be the woman beneath the man or vice versa, but a union of equal respect and hard work.

April 9, 2013 at 1:34 am
(162) estrias says:

I am confident I have read this very same type of declaration in other places, it must be more popular with all the people.

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(163) alternative acne treatments that work says:

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May 3, 2013 at 2:23 pm
(164) Shane Stewart says:

Women are the “servants” of society. Men use them. No wonder women file for divorce. Men act as though they are “entitled” to whatever a woman has. Community Property? Hey the guys think only they worked for it.

Men are just irresponsible and sexually motivated chumps.

May 4, 2013 at 7:21 am
(165) Steve says:

If statistically 75% OF women are leaving marriages then it means more men are willing to stay dedicated to keep their families together than women despite the problems. It also means that women are 3 times as much willing to give up than a man.
It also begs the question if 75% of women are leaving then why are men the most commonly portrayed bad guys for leaving in most instances? Seems to me that the most vocal of the sexes..women are likely the ones doing the most cheating and then leaving marriages. Self justification is a great excuse to leave a decent man and go bed hopping with as many men as you victim women like.

May 6, 2013 at 2:53 pm
(166) n222s says:

First marriage was a joke. She wouldn’t have sex with me on our honeymoon because she didn’t like what I wore to a party. It got worse from there.

Second marriage (and final one) is a success! My motto? Evolve or die. Though my first wife was horrible, I didn’t move on till I took responsibility for my faults and how I prompted her to get a divorce. And…I’m still working on my faults.

Absent spousal abuse, divorce is RARELY the fault of only one individual in the marriage. Divorce may be unavoidable and preferable. However, until YOU take responsibility for your faults you will never heal. Dumping the ol’ bag (man or woman) won’t magically transform you into that magnificent butterfly.

When you women learn that the next guy leaves his socks on the floor you’ll figure out that the second isn’t Prince Charming either. And guys, when the second wife is tired after cleaning up your socks, don’t be surprised if she is too tired for sex.

May 14, 2013 at 6:22 am
(167) mitzy says:

After a year of trying desperately to get to some resolution regarding the marital debt, most in my name, my husband is trying to leave me with (and no money to pay it) it has become clear to me he is just stalling and stonewalling in hopes of buyiing himself time to get me “vulnerable” to be totally thrashed in life for ever for requirring he man up.
It is a long story but he is soooo cheap the only way he allowed anything to get done was to put it on my credit card, he knew his was the ONLY income, yet he Now REFUSES TO PAY OUR JOINT DEBITS, AND GET THIS, “HE HAS THE MONEY TO DO SO”.
He simply used MY name to get everything he wanted to show off for. He always KNEW his was the only income.
During any of our so called “reconcilliations” it is now crystal clear, he designed and encouraged all his “honeymoon period” gifts to me, our children to go on my card, and now he is totally refusing to settle OUR debits so this divorice can move forward with a clean slate.
The man is worth a fortune, in cash, in his pension and he has told me he is going to appeal to legal aid. For real? He honestly acts like he has NO money. What a manipulator. If I EVER had any doubt he lost his marbles here is proof.
People would think they died and went to heaven if they had HIS kind of money and he is talking about defrauding legal aid. Anything to defy common sense. I am now going to be the one hounded by creditors, cause of HIS acts, have my credit ruined, and no way to help myself and daughter should we get in a bind…..all because he is soo tightfisted with HIS money. How could I have been so dumb, escapes me……….He acts like all OUR money is totally HIS, and actually thinks a court system is going to allow him to get away with this.

May 17, 2013 at 12:43 pm
(168) Dan says:

I was the man on the other side of that fence. After our child was born, my ex told me flat out, “you dont matter anymore”. I was put down and compared negatively to her family (a HUGE mistake in any relationship), and was told I could not provide (this was after she quit her $60,000+ per year job, and told me to get a 2nd and a 3rd job). I believe the bottom line is this…. both spouses need to simply be nice, respectful, and appreciative of each other. The occasional Thank You (or other words of encouragement) goes a long way. I am grateful to be away from her, but my biggest problem is a broken heart from not being an everyday Daddy, a role I really enjoyed. And maybe one day, I will even gain the confidence to date again. Maybe one day….

June 5, 2013 at 1:34 pm
(169) Sam Miller says:

Women initiate divorce more often because there’s more in it for them. I hate my wife. She’s abusive to me and my kids, neglectful, and spends our bill money shopping. If I could get custody of my kids and a monthly stipend from her (which I don’t have to account for) by walking out, I’d be gone. I’m a man, so I’ll lose my kids and have to give her a chunk of money to spend on herself every month.

As it is, I love my kids very much and will tolerate extreme abuse in order to be with them every day.

The women who blow the hardest about sexism and gender inequality stay very silent when it comes to the outrageous injustice meted out on fathers in divorce.

June 10, 2013 at 10:15 am
(170) mike says:

Here’s the thing….

Men have flaws, and women have flaws. The only problem is that men seem to want to work through their problems when women just give up.

June 10, 2013 at 1:08 pm
(171) Beth says:

A relationship between a man and a woman should be like a good game of doubles tennis. You communicate with your tennis partner, you support each other, you work toward common goals, you encourage each other, you have each others back, etc. Men CAN do this in sports, but in marriage, they choose not to. This is a complex issue, IMO, which is related to issues of power and control, how a mother AND THE FATHER raised their male children (modeling certain types of behaviors that are or aren’t considered acceptable, etc.), intelligence and sensitivity levels, generational modeling, religious upbringing, societies/cultures and expectations/roles, whether or not the male is in a family and a culture that allows him to get away with using another human for his own personal needs ( in other words he can get away with it ), expectations and exploitations of traditional marriages, and viewing women as something to use and dispose of at will ( lack of empathy ). Of the above, I think lack of empathy is most predictive of a bad relationship to come…down the road…male or female, with lack of ability to communicate a close second.
I taught Jr. High for 35 years. I taught those who were highly intelligent and those who could not read at age 14 or 15. Although a high IQ often goes hand in hand with increased awareness and sensitivity towards ones fellow man, this is not always true. I repeatedly overheard boys saying, ” I’m going to get me a woman for the dance.”. Or, “I’m going to get me a woman to marry.”…..like women are something you go to the local big box store and pick off the shelf.
If you want to eventually change the behaviors of men and boys in your family, leave the $&@/)! And take your kids and raise them with higher expectations and better role models.

June 20, 2013 at 2:42 am
(172) Kristine Helm says:

My name is Kristine Helm. My life has been sour since i became a cripple at the age of 13 and this has really affected my living. I met Nelson during the Olympic when i was 24 years old and he was a very funny and caring guy who taught me how important i am to world. He made me understands been crippled is not the end of the world for me and i was very happy having him as my companion. Justin was a very hardworking guy and he promise to marry me before he left for business trip in China. Two months later he arrived from China and never visited me. I was told by my brother that Justin is now going out with my friend and this really broke me down cos he is the only one that truly loves me. No one wants to go out with me because i am a cripple. I and my brother traveled to South Africa to watch the world cup when i heard about temple of permanent healing. I never believe in God because i am a cripple and i believe that no one can ever make me walk again but when i heard about his great power, i decided to go there. I begged my brother to take me temple of permanent healing. I spent 7 days in his healing center and it surprises me that on the 7th day, i was able to stand and walk. The priest told me that Justin was under a spell and he prayed for me to destroy every obstacle in my life. I came back home and i was shocked to see Justin. He came and begged me for forgiveness, our relationship came back normal. I am very happy to inform the general public that i and Justin are happily married since October last year and i am pregnant. I know that people might be passing through any problem and i will advise you to contact temple of permanent healing because his miracle is free. His email address is templeofpermanenthealing@hotmail.com

June 21, 2013 at 10:04 pm
(173) Bob says:

I was the one trying to make the relationship work. I did all those things to spend time with her, encourage her. Take care of her. I find the roles reversed in my instance. I glad its over. I’m tired of the neglect, But why does she get a big piece of my future (alimony) when she was a non-partner?

June 28, 2013 at 6:32 am
(174) Ans says:

comment #32 Rob hit the nail on the head.

July 1, 2013 at 7:21 am
(175) Lost says:

Ssri drugs turn women into divorcing monsters. Prozac paxil celexa zoloft. Etc. it’s called DUI. Divorcing under the influence.

July 6, 2013 at 2:19 pm
(176) jimmy says:

I am male, and to quote this article “Verbal Abuse and emotional neglect “, coupled with my wife’s unwillingness to reflect, seek compromise, or talk calmly of our emotions without screaming. Apoligising for anything that hurt or a mistake that damaged would be a step fotward. While she suggests divorce like an off hand threat, I may just do this. My point is that males are likely to be emotionally neglected by their wife’s and vice-verse.

Regarding one posters comment on Testosterone damaging us emotionally, taking mild anti-androgens and a little red clover really helps;)

July 15, 2013 at 9:24 am
(177) Dan says:

Woman often want and exspect too much… To the point they put a man in a no win situation where they are impossible to please… They can be very selfish. My ex wife was from another country … She wanted the best of everything … Including help to support her family abroad.. And to travel and visit family abroad… That all takes money and work… So I busted my butt trying to earn the money to buy her all the things she wanted …then it was were not spending enough together.. You work too much … I want a divorced… While at the same time I’m freezing my butt off working in a snow bank she is tripping to see her family and spending money like it grows on trees for me… All the while hooking up with a married with children guy behind my back… Would I have been further ahead if I’d said no dear.. We are not gonna send money and help your mother… And I’m going to stay home .. Work less so we won’t be visiting your family overseas… I doubt it .. She would not have been happy with that either

July 17, 2013 at 3:16 pm
(178) Genderwars says:

I read this article for two reasons. First, because like a lot of men I have come to the conclusion that women give up on marriages more easily than men. If you don’t come to this conclusion from reading this article then I’m not sure how you could come to any other conclusion. I am not saying whether it is or isn’t justified. It seems to be a reality.

Second is that I am looking for answers. I was married for 13 years and miss having a companion. My children are wonderful but I yearn for adult interaction. However before I get into another serious relationship I want to thoroughly understand why my first one failed.

Unlike alot of these comments by marriage started off blissfully. We were very compatible and loving. She was and is not a gold digger. I had already been working several years prior to us dating and had been saving money so “whoever” I married would have financial support.

Here are some items I keyed on by reading thorugh these comments:

1. Women need emotional nurturing
2. Women often feel neglected
3. Men can be selfish with regards to putting others before them (when compared to women)

These were certainly some of my failures and things I need to work on in future relationships.

Here are some other items which I want to be more aware of.

1. Woman can be more poor communicators ( I believe this could be because some woman just don’t know what they want)
2. Woman lack self-awareness (I think men do as well. Don’t know too many people are fully aware of their faults)
3. Unwilling to change personal characteristics (In my case, I was willing was but wasn’t sure how to make those changes while my wife was unwilling to try)

With so many social differences between men and woman at this point in our culture I’m not sure marriage is the best option. I hate to think that but that seems to be the case.

Would enjoy seeing more open conversations and less gender bashing. :)

August 30, 2013 at 9:48 am
(179) Rob says:

IMHO women fall for the bad guys and after maturing they realize how their husbands are. They already have the kids they wanted with them, so now they go on the search for the “nice guy” they ignored before to raise well those kids.

September 5, 2013 at 7:00 pm
(180) Johnny says:

It’s a nice little story. Then why a divorce rate among lesbians is three times higher than among gays?

Sorry, but it’s not men it’s women who are at fault for the increasing divorce rate. And 70% of divorces initiated by women is not men’s fault. See my earlier point about lesbians’ divorce rate.

September 6, 2013 at 10:21 am
(181) Lyn says:

Hi my husband left me 6 weeks ago after 26 years together for another women. Telling me it’s not my fault that he will pay bills and mortgage. Now his changed is mind and said he want divorce. Daughter asked him to be on his own so he could sort out his head and so he could fit the damage his done to her and our grandaughter. He didn’t. He rented flat and is still with ow. She also left her husband for mine and has 10 year old boy, I begged my husband to work things out but he said it gone to far and loves the other women. So here I are 46 no job and trying to deal with it all. There where no warning sighs. Just said I can’t do this anymore and left , hid give up his daughter and grandaughter for ow. Sorry but I believe if you have problems you deal with them. Ok if not happy you leave but not this way have respect for other person. His a workaholic and never likes to talk about problems. What do I do now feel so alone

September 29, 2013 at 6:39 pm
(182) Bernard says:

OK, let’s leave the blame game and look at the basis of our behavior…..our endocrine system and hormones. It turns out that most women leave their husbands in their 40s, right when their progesterone levels begin tanking. Coincidence? I think not. Progesterone is the happiness hormone, mother nature’s version of ecstasy. Her endocrine system is her pusher! But then, by age 45, the pusher’s gone, and that’s when all hell breaks loose! Loss of sex drive, loss of energy, depression, you name it! And guess who takes the blame……you got it!! Their spouse! He’s no longer attentive…..he’s no longer loving….blah, blah, blah. The fact of the matter is that a part of her has died……..and what better way to get it back than to have an affair.
Men, on the other hand, don’t go through menopause. Our hormones diminish, but remain relatively the same!
Now put the two together and you get what you get! High divorce rates instigated by menopausal women!
Rather than seeing divorce as a failure (including mine), I see it as “par for the course.” Hundreds of years ago, we wouldn’t be having this debate as we’d all be dead!!! We just live to long………er, women outlive their hormones! Hey, blame GOD!!!

October 22, 2013 at 1:42 am
(183) Steven says:

I say never marry a woman in the first place, never give them children. Then we’ll see how appreciative and desparate they are.

October 30, 2013 at 3:47 pm
(184) Jim says:

We are problems solvers, communicators and when it comes to our marriages we tend to be more concerned about the state of the relationship than men.

November 2, 2013 at 7:29 am
(185) Chris says:

I was far from perfect. But when I got told that we could stay married but would have to live in separate houses! What the Hell is that kind of mentality-Got married, missed our flight to honeymoon, got deployed, was gone a year, started our marriage from day again. bought house, started business, had problems, had kids, times got ruff, I ran my business/drove truck/worked third shift job, lost jobs 08, lost house, lost business, moved in her parents, went to get tux’s for buddies wedding, come home my stuff in trash bags on front porch! moving to divorce court, get slammed for never being home, she was the primary care giver, I didn’t provide, never there for the kids, I got slammed for leaving the kids at her parents after kicked to the curb with know where to go. LIKE I COULD TELL HER TO LEAVE HER PARENTS! – I get a job, I get slapped with double child support, stuck with all the bills, get the minimum parenting time, beg to see my kids, ask permission to be involved in there lives, I’m told I’m unstable cause I work swing shift, she quits full time job 3 days before court, her family treats me as sh*t, Lies during court, I could go on and on.. the point of all this, one time we couldn’t live with out each other! But damn come on. We know the kids are the one’s who suffer. I’m involved father dammit! I have to walk like a convict, to be with my kids I have to go by a form of rules and regulations while she has free reign! When a couple decides marriage, before that paper is signed, the divorce process needs happen while everyone is happy. That way when the time comes You have to explain to the judge why that should change. Most dads have to start umpteen steps behind. What makes women think they owed all, we begun nothing! Need serious revamping of how marriage/divorce handled. Final note: You will get more in return than living in a fantasy of god’s gift to earth. The kids and everyone’s mental and physical well being are at stake!

November 4, 2013 at 9:57 am
(186) Mitzy says:

Really, folks grow up. If couples only applied the Golden Rule to marriage EQUALLY, there would BE no divorices, except the rare. In an “all about me” world, no one seems to get the importance of tit for tat or any form of equality. Everyone is using their partners “needs” to lord over them, both sexes do it, and sadly power trips only benefit attorneys. It takes only one to wreck it. I do NOT believe it takes two. Some people just get selfish and entitled, and totally one way or the highway. It is all really very very sad. Love is conditional. If you want freedom, be sure you are ready to give it to your spouse. Whatever you want, you must be prepared for your spouse to get it too. You must give as often as you receive. Entitlement ruins marriage, no matter how you justify it as “your right”. When your “rights” are not recripocal, you are a marriage lord using what your spouse is counting on to lord over them, to have your way…at their expense.

November 6, 2013 at 11:34 pm
(187) Ed says:

This article is VERY one-sided. Of course, the men are all evil and abusive and don’t want to work on fixing their marriages – that’s why the women have to escape their evil clutches.

I’ve made a lot of great female friends over the years, and as much as I love them, I’ve really learned how not-so-innocent some ladies can be.

The women that the author has talked to is just hearing the females side, so of course they’re going to portray themselves as the victim. How about talking to the fellas to hear the other side?

And these women are problem-solvers? I’m not so sure. Why are the men so blind-sided when the wife requests a divorce? He’s blindsided because she didn’t really try to work anything out. And if she did, she didn’t let him in on it.
Doesn’t sound like she’s solved anything more than finding a way out.

None of what I said means I think the men are all innocent – I’m totally aware of plenty of men doing wrong. But this article isn’t really covering both sides.

November 7, 2013 at 3:44 pm
(188) Cathy says:

“But this article isn’t really covering both sides”

Ed, the article is about women, it isn’t supposed to cover both sides. If the title had been why most “people” initiate divorce then there would be an expectation for both sides to be covered.

December 5, 2013 at 9:35 pm
(189) cecilia says:

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December 16, 2013 at 9:21 am
(190) Nicole Betty says:

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January 2, 2014 at 6:14 pm
(191) paul says:

In reading through all the blogs, there are bitter men and women,
my sorry story is that i fell head over heals inlove at first sight, on the other hand my wife didnt, we met on a blind date,
i asked her back for a drink and she never left, that was ten years ago,,
the only thing is that from two months into the relationship,
she asked me to marry her after two years and i agreed
my girlfriend started having affairs, she would stay out for days on end, give me no reason why and knew that i would take her back, i gave her every thing i had, money love support, i helped her through addiction, put up with abuse mental and physical, i let her run wild and still wanted her,
all i ever wanted was love from her, she was very clever and showed me glimpses of love but still carried on doing what ever she wanted,
she told me a few times she wanted a divorce over the years then never mentioned it again, after god knows how many affairs she decided she wanted to try for kids, this was the first time in are marriage where i felt wanted, in as much as being sperm donor,
after a year of trying for children, she went to the doctors had tests and found out there was no way of her conceiving naturally,

so began the IVF treatment, this again was i felt something to bond us together, so i thought, after this didnt work i had to support my wife through this without a thought for myself, this was two years ago and i let my guard down, physically and mentally,
my wife took advantage of this and started having a long time affair with a man old enough to be her farther, the only thing different this time is that this man had financially more than me had a house of his own, my wife for the last two years has drained me of every asset i own, took every gift of me that SHE told me she wanted,

February 3, 2014 at 12:51 am
(192) Greg says:

Did you bother to interview any men for this article? Did you just make up the quotes? Football is played on SUNDAY.

BTW, women discuss marital problems AMONGST THEMSELVES. Often they don’t have the guts to actually speak their mind with their husband, and then they bolt. This is why men are caught by surprise. Did you think all these men who “claim” to be surprised were working in some coordinated way to express this view. If we’re all saying it, maybe it’s bloody true.

So rather than telling all your girlfriends what an a$$ your husband is, why don’t you actually try speaking to him. Women are not always the great communicators they are made out to be, nor are men the mindless slugs women make them out to be.

February 14, 2014 at 6:58 am
(193) Mitzy says:

Genderwars
I really hate the excuse, “Women don’t know what they want”, that is just another way to INVALIDATE the female psyche, and differences in male/female operating, due to gender programming, and thinking.
Far too men males don’t take time to LISTEN to what women want, or treat what women want as unimportant. NO one wants to be invalidated.
There is a presumption that women can’t think without a man TELLING her what she wants, rather than really listening to what that is or taking the time to HEAR and attribute some importance to the WORDS and feelings of woman.
Most women communicate just fine with everyone, but a man who refuses to hear, or sees himself superior to woman.
Amazing to me how these “can’t communicate well women”, are supposed to be so “communicative” while they take on ALL household tasks or work outside the home. Really, wonder how they communicate to get THAT done.? By grunts? Hmmm.
I totally disagree with that statement, as in itself it is horribly invalidating of anothers experience and seeks to minimize females as if they were “children” who need daddy to decide for them. .

February 14, 2014 at 8:14 am
(194) Misty says:

So, if all the money in the marriage is a man’s then why isn’t the house and chldren the womans? Which unfortunately is the outcome of such a unhealthy usually held “male view” of his deciding who gets what IN the marriage.
Sadly that is how many men run their marriages, never seeing the interdependance necessary for the survival of both and the children.
So if the women get all the responsibility of homelife, her worklife, and the childrens needs in the marriage, and NO personal freedom to choose how she wants her life to be….Then the MAN should get all the money?
Now he bemoans the ‘unfitness” of the SAME woman he dumped this “plan for failure” philosophy on IN the marriage , and HE is complaining, how HE got screwed?
So he wants her to have all the responsibility and debit generating part of life. and he is Complaining about the failure of HIS own plan, and how that thinkng backfired on HIM. HMMMM.
Why do so many fight over the money in the marriage, when they should be fighting for the survival of the MARRIAGE, and the money issue would be secondary or not an issue.

February 16, 2014 at 4:55 pm
(195) Toby says:

The reason most women over the past 50 years have begun more and more to think, feel and act the way as described above, is because those women have gotten further and further and further away from God, away from the Bible. Women do not want to think, feel or act the way that God designed them to, made them for. Women are the worst people at temptation and selfishness.

February 23, 2014 at 10:51 pm
(196) SolutionFinder says:

What saved my marriage, as a male, was accepting a subservient, cuckolded state. My wife and I battled miserably for the first five years… I couldn’t do anything right, and was always up against my wife’s never-ending need for MORE. Finally I learned that she had cheated on me. After month of agony I did something radical and insane (though it’s produced sanity). I agreed to support my wife in her affair, and to continue being faithful to her and to do everything else she wanted (earn money esp) as well. Things could be worse: I have my kids and the house and occasional sex with wife. Meanwhile she has a free life of socializing and affairs with other men (four so far); and she has very little need to feel resentment towards me. There’s no dishonesty because I support her and she enjoys telling me everything. I even sleep downstairs if she brings a boyfriend home to sleep in our bed. Men, we have to learn that these days, women rule.

February 24, 2014 at 2:04 am
(197) Pedro says:

Let’s see I’ve been through all the relationship books when my repeated requests for couples therapy were rejected I went by myself, for years my every request to go out together has been rejected, I listen to every complaint, random thoughts, dreams, desires etc, and let know that I care and love her as often as I can, I never forget birthdays, anniversaries etc and goto great lengths to please her, now she wants a divorce and won’t give me a reason, however tells everybody we know that I have neglected her emotional needs, when I confront her with what she is saying to people she can’t give a single example of when I have not been there for her or not supported her, based on my personal experience this article is a load of BS.

February 26, 2014 at 12:31 am
(198) anna says:

Mitzy I agree with all your comments I just recently became separated from my husband of 14 years he has slept downstairs for the past six years be a use our 5 year old still sleeps in the bed with us, I am a stay at home mom I also have a 14 year old son, my husband is moody never communicates with me is his finances are private he claims he’s struggling financially yet told me he will never work a 9 to 5 job he’s been on unemployment for years works a few days a month Ive tried to get a job but we moved to the desert very hard to get a job I don’t go out only to buy groceries we have one car so I walk I had a new car lost it because I could not pay the lease because I lost my job when we moved, my elderly mother lives with Us pays 500$ a month I befriended a male cashier at my local grocieriy store he confided in me his marriage as I did mine but I never met him outside of the store it was only through the phone my husband went through my phone looking for dirt on me which I gave him in order to trust me plus I gave him access to my computer and passwords he’s convinced I’m cheating on him with this cashier yet we havent had sex in the last 5 months until a few days he starts to investigate after he sees the number I told him who he was and he was a friend I did not erase the number when I gave him my cell! Phone because I have nothing to hide he had sex with me after seeing and causing me then says he doesn’t trust me and wants a divorce I’m done with the head games just scared since I’m a stay at home mom caring for sick elderly mother!

February 26, 2014 at 1:12 pm
(199) Andy says:

Honestly, the roles are mostly reversed for me and my wife. When my first daughter was born she practically begged me to be a stay at home dad. She had just finished law school and was about to start a job that paid big firm money which was almost twice what I was making. I would go back to school to finish my degree and raise the kids. Now all I hear is how I don’t take care of my family and I am not really a man. I finished my degree in three years while raising two kids and taking care of the household. I have had enormous difficulty finding a job since I graduated about a year ago. But as long as she is with me she can’t “move up” in life… big house, two expensive cars, and private school for our kids, and expensive vacations. So she wants out.

She thinks she raised me up from squalar, but I was doing just fine before we met, and I will do just fine after we split. I am a man that has always put the needs of the family ahead of his own, and I will continue to that without her in the picture.

She wants to find a richer older man (45-50) to take care of her and our kids… Ha! Good luck! No man wants a woman that will treat them like crap, has insane mood swings, and wants to spend every dime of their money on herself. She is very attractive, to be sure, but at the rate she drinks that will fade fast at her age.

March 24, 2014 at 2:16 am
(200) Jack says:

I like how people through the word “deserve” around. You don’t Deserve anything unless you work for it. You don’t “deserve” a raise in your salary. If your a bad employee. Its like people who think they should be respected for just walking into a room. Respect is earned.

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