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Cathy Meyer

5 Common Misconceptions About Divorce

By July 30, 2012

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What you don't know about divorce can hurt you. Below are five common misconceptions about divorce that will hopefully clear up misunderstandings, especially for those thinking about divorce but have no experience.

1. Living Together Before Marriage Decreases the Risk of Divorce: Several studies have shown that couples of live together before marriage have a higher chance of divorce in the first 10 years of marriage. However, a recent study came to the conclusion that the reason a couple moves in together greatly affects whether they will divorce. If a couple is engaged and move in together as a step toward marriage they do not have an increased risk of divorce.

2. Mothers Always Win Gain Custody: There is a common misconception that child custody is a gender biased issue, one that favors mothers.  Most courts now favor joint or shared custody arrangements in most divorce situations. The number of joint custody awards has substantially increased over the last decade.

3. No-Fault Divorce is Quicker and Cheaper: "No-fault" means you can get a divorce without having to prove you have grounds for the divorce. How long a divorce takes and how much you spend will depend on the issues involved during the divorce process. If there are many assets to split and a couple cannot come to an agreement a no-fault divorce can be as long and drawn out as an at-fault divorce.

4. Marital Assets Are Split 50/50: A common misconception is that all of the couple's assets and debts will be split fifty-fifty, down the middle. However, sometimes what is fair and equitable is not a 50/50 split. One spouse may be ordered to pay more debt than the other spouse, but may be awarded more property in consideration of the larger amount of debt. Or, one spouse may be allowed to keep the house without paying equity to the other spouse, rather than receiving an equal portion of the retirement account.

5. My Spouse Will be Punished For Cheating: Although cheating goes against the moral fiber of society, in divorce court a judge will not take it into consideration. A judge will decide custody and distribute marital property based on the best interest of the child and what is fair and equitable to each spouse.

Comments
July 31, 2012 at 11:57 am
(1) Zalkred says:

The writer’s statement that mothers don’t always win custody of children is not supported by the evidence. Perhaps she means mothers don’t always win sole custody of children. However, this has always been the base. And what she says, if we assume she speaks English pretty well and take her statement at face value, is that some significant change has occurred. This is not the case.

The latest Census Bureau figures, from a 2009 report, show 83 percent of children of divorce who live with a parent live with the mother. This has not changed since the mid-1990s. This does not mean mothers have sole custody, but it certainly suggests that they are the primary custodians. And it does not support the view that change has occurred.

The fact is, a mother who can fog a mirror and who isn’t in jail, rehab, mental hospital or AWOL can easily win primary custody. This means the children will spend the night with their father about 15 percent of the time. This is bad for kids, bad for dads, bad for grandparents — bad for everybody except the mothers who, not surprisingly, initiate the vast majority of divorces.

August 2, 2012 at 8:41 am
(2) Dues says:

well, that is because the men aren’t willing to go the lawyer to file. My lawyer told me that you are right…..most times the women file for the divorce. The men don’t want to look like the bad guy. No balls!

August 3, 2012 at 5:14 pm
(3) Doug Hoyt says:

I have been married and divorced twice. Each time I just paid what the court order and walked away. Both times, I had joint custody. I did not see either child. One I contacted at eighteen, the other I have not seen, but communicated a few times.
Now I wish I had the sense not to have contacted either. No matter what one does the woman turns the children against the father. That is what women do, they manipulate.
The courts and law have made the situation unfair to the man, because the man has the money and the lawyers can take that money when the man fights.
It is unjust, but that is the way it is.

August 6, 2012 at 1:54 pm
(4) Ronald Posey says:

This is sad but true, the Courts most always rule for the woman having Custody of the children, regardless. I have went through two divorces and see those women REWARDED because they wanted another man, another lover a change from “Boredom and being at home! I know every case can be different but as you state the Court doesn’t care!! However, I feel Judges should regard circumstances!! It shows what kind of person you’re leaving the children in control of.
Besides, the children, if at certain age may have a preference!

There is so much cruelty associated with how this ends up and what a devoted Father and caring parent goes through!! The grave yards are filled with Dad’s who could not take anymore because of the unfairness they were dealt.

August 6, 2012 at 2:25 pm
(5) samson says:

Joint Custody: what does that mean? For most men it means that you can see your kids every other weekend. For me, I paid extra to see my kids 30% of the time just to realize that I have almost no say in how they are raised. I am actually offended by the term joint custody. They should call it what it is: “side-show” dad. Apparently due to the fact I have a male appendage I am deemed inadequate by the court of raising my kids even if the mother has serious and significant issues that will harm my children. The is not taken on a case by case basis by the courts. We live in a relatively equal society until it comes to this. Make no mistake, many men would not be good primary custodians of children, but many would be better for the children than the mother. If women can join the army, be firefighters, etc. with their limitations, I see no reason that men cannot be treated equally or at least given the chance to prove that they would be better care givers in terms of raising children. Not fair at all…..

August 6, 2012 at 8:21 pm
(6) donlaw says:

I am a woman going through a divorce after 25 yrs. of marriage. My husband refuses to seek counseling or do anything to save the marriage, he just wants his freedom, no ifs and or buts….its killing me, and I am out of my mind with grief and Iam angry too. What was 25 yrs of my life worth? A few thousand from his 401K and a piece of land? I don’t know why a man thinks that he can just forget a lifetime because he thinks it is better to have no accountability to a woman for his time or money or anything….my life is just over…and I have nothing to show for it…and I will end up over 50, alone and in poverty because I cannot make anything close to what he makes…Yeah, I filed, after years of threats he was leaving me anyway, and ignoring me completely, no access to money or necessities unless he buys them or gives them…having to beg for the smallest attention…fighting for the marriage when he just didn’t care of want it….kids are older now, so they are out of my life in a big way…the ones left are just tired of it all and don’t even care and actually encourage the divorce…Everything I EVER knew is about to just disappear and I will have no one and no where to go…completely alone…how awesome is that?

August 7, 2012 at 1:18 pm
(7) Green says:

My heart breaks for you. Three years ago, 3 days shy of my 20th wedding anniversary, my husband informed me that he had indeed been having an affair with a co worker for five years, fathered an illigitimate child, swindiled money from our bank account to give his mistress every month, and wanted to leave me and our two kids to be with her. My children, also somewhat older, didn’t and never will understand how this completely devastated me. It never ceases to amaze me…It takes two to commit to a marriage, but only one to completely wreak havoc on someone else and turn their life upside down. You will be okay…never the same, but okay. Take it one day at a time, and hope that the laws of karma will come into play. What goes around comes around. For all the bitter dads out there, I just wanted to add that I stayed in our family home and live next door to my ex, his mistress, and their son for my kids. They have access to thier father any time they want to see him. He is only about 200 yards away. Their little half brother is a frequent visitor to my house, because my kids love him. I would never want to take my ex away from my kids, even if he discarded me like yesterday’s garbage. Kids need their father, If you want to know what hell on earth is, it’s coming home from work and seeing your ex out in the front yard with is “new” family. I endured it so that my 14 year old son could still have his dad without “visitations” and “every other weekend”. Every case really is different.

August 8, 2012 at 2:00 am
(8) birdie752 says:

@Green: You are a saint. My husband of 31 years left me a note on the kitchen table saying he was going to our FL condo for 2 weeks to decide if he wanted to stay married or get a divorce. I had no clue! While he was gone I moved all his stuff to our old house that we hadn’t been able to sell. He surprised me; I surprised him! Have only seen him once in over 9 months; haven’t even talked. We text/email only about the divorce. Talk about being devastated. At least my children are older and on their own. I want them to keep in contact with him but I couldn’t live next door and see what you have seen. Your advice
to donlaw is spot on. In fact, once the shock wears off she will see it is the best thing that could have happened to her. The best thing to do is to get some counceling; it has kept me sane.

August 18, 2012 at 10:27 pm
(9) lark says:

Donlaw: You won’t believe me now, but in a year you will be stronger than you’ve ever imagined. In 5 years you will not even recognize yourself. In 10 years you will know people who are vastly different (and, in many ways, better) than the people you have thought were your friends. You will know how to fix things, build things, and most importantly: to trust yourself and rely on yourself instead of some other person who didn’t appreciate you. Indeed, you’ll think “Why would he have appreciated me when I wasn’t even able to appreciate myself?”

I haven’t visited this forum in years, but decided to take a peek tonight. Give yourself a break. And when your husband sees how strong you’ve become (read and act on The Divorce Remedy), remind yourself that you DESERVE to be treated better than you’ve been treated. When he wants to come back because you’ve shown how truly valuable you are, well, it’s your decision–not *his*. (Personally, I tried to take him back when he came to his so-called senses 18 months after he left, but I’d come too far, suffered too much, and most importantly accomplished so much that I just couldn’t do it. Much happier now, much stronger.

To all of you: May you be madly in love with someone who loves you just a little bit more!

September 3, 2012 at 2:35 pm
(10) Tom says:

My wife found a email from an old friend that I have not seen long since our engagement and marriage (three years). She feels that emails are the same as cheating and having an affair.

My friend is middle aged. She is a graduate of Yale and Columbia and has worked for the U.N. and is well traveled. She is a published author and supports herself from the sales of her books. The emails regard such things as literature, employment opportunities and life in general. She is in a serious relationships and hopes to get married. Often contact to discuss things and to get advice.

I have no romantic interest. This is strictly a friendship and wish she were a male so my wife would be less concerned.

My has left me and is living with her children from a former marriage and refuses to talk to me. My friend is Japanese and my wife is Korean.
The centuries old conflicts between the two cultures may have allot to do with this.

I feel that I have done nothing wrong but I am not sure?

Thanks for reading this and your opion if you wouls like to respond would be greatly appreciated.

December 12, 2012 at 10:47 am
(11) happyharpy says:

Woman arent the only ones left behind. And the cost for a man is devastating. My wife wanted a divorce, she turned our children against me took our savings and house. I was the the one who wanted counseling. Ive been going alone for 18 months every week. She has lied to the lawyers and said I never gave her any money during this time. When I was giving her enough to pay all the bills either in cash or by signing over my payroll ch

eck. I put this woman through college three times
and when she finally decides to get a job after 22 years she wants a divorce and my paycheck on top of what she has already taken from me

December 17, 2012 at 6:33 am
(12) rich says:

well all i have to say it two things…sounds like a lot of you are codependant and need a person to make you feel good about yourself…i remember a quote my mother use to say…you have to love yourself to be loved by others…which fits almost everything..also a lot of you are so focused in how hurt you are…how empty you feel….its not just about you…get a clue…what are your kids feeling…your a grown adult…stop acting like you cant handle it..and help your kids…hello….stop being selfish..and perhaps that may be the most underlying cause of most failed relationships…the me me me aspect…look at poor me…look at what he did to me….there are always swo sides to everything…which brings up another quote i like…dont judge someone until you have walked a mile in his shoes

January 22, 2013 at 2:49 am
(13) chris says:

My husband left me and our four year old a year ago. Just left. Dumped me off at my parents with no car,money,or way to do anything. Told me he wanted to work on our marriage. Through text because he refuses to see me. Then says he hates me. Emotional torture this entire timespan. No child support. My child doesn’t even know who he is. Now he is back with his ex wife who he also abandoned a week after their kid was born. Men complain that they don’t get treated fairly but so many just abandon their kids without hesitation

January 26, 2013 at 11:03 am
(14) Cutie Pie says:

I left my husband a year and a half ago. he was abusive and he had gotten someone else pregnant. We were working on all of this until I found out about a second girl he was seeing. he denied it of course and acted like he didnt know who I was even referring to. We are still legally married because he refuses to sign the divorce papers. He recently asked me when I was coming back home and being the type of person that he is hes only doing it because its tax season and he wants half of them. Needless to say i agree with the comment that was left I had to stop with the self pity no matter how hurt I was and focus on the two beautiful daughters that we have together… they were suffering and i am doing everything in my power to keep them happy as the always have been. They are my angels and everything is gonna be ok for us. i would never turn them against their daddy because he will always be but he doesnt help with them or really spend any time with them.

January 31, 2013 at 5:44 am
(15) Mitzy says:

There are two sides to every story then the TRUTH. Part of that truth is the many many children who get lost in this shuffle. Yes, LOST. There are many men out there who in the pursuit of self have NO trouble making sure the home atmosphere is a mess. I won’t detail it the women know just what kind of “man” I am talking about.
Many of these men are not on their first marriage or first go round with fatherhood from another woman.
Given a second chance by any woman they seem intent on repeating history and ,suprise, find themselves in ANOTHER divorice with even more children in the mix. Some just walk away. Yes, their are women like that too.
Seems like they are not at all concerned about the chaos they can create in their own childrens lives, not the least of which is how their mother is being treated. The only wake up call they even bother to notice is a notification of divorice pending, the next , ironically, something these awful women who refuse to sheild them from the ugly truth, kids cost money, houses cost money, mistakes in judgement can be VERY costly.
Amazing to me that people can just quit on a whole life of “costs” and think they won’t have to even “split” the bill. That it all just goes away when they do.
Oh, no, now they are only “part time dad’s”. Truth, many of these men didn’t even bother to spend that much time with their kids, (or wife) when they LIVED in the same house.

January 31, 2013 at 6:18 am
(16) Mitzy says:

I didn’t WANT a divorice, even though I filed. Why did I file? My husband refused to see “any” problems including the financial ones, that began to mushroom out of control when he retired from one job but had NO plan how to supplement that lost income, until the pay kicked in (six years wait) while still having four children under the roof.
First indicator of his “lack of planning” for a major shift in financial circumstances.
He didn’t want to pick up even partime work, nor did he “allow” me to. We had a major loss of income and a massive insurance bill (cobra) to contend with. His “plan”, totally unconcerned, said yes to everything anyone wanted….including several NEW cars for the teens.
His major goal? Hiding out from reality, that including drinking excessively. I had just had a child, and tried desperately to “talk some sense” even before he did this. He just wasn’t the type to plan or negotiate with ANY reality. Nor was I even “consulted with” as his spouse, he just did whatever, and I could find out later or be the one to “react” to this.
If I tried to “supplement” this income with ANY means of making money and saying NO to some stuff or at least try to hold the line, he bucked me, was non supportive, and DELIBERATELY (wanting to be the good guy) refused to hold a united front. He once bought an 80.00 Barbie doll for ME, to apologize for ripping me for buying one of the teens a pair of boots, at GOODWILL. See the problem?

January 31, 2013 at 6:40 am
(17) Mitzy says:

I returned the Barbie doll, and started making dolls, to attempt to “hold the line” on the expenses. Was actually quite successful, 45.00 a pair. All he could do was to complain, and try and obstruct that.
He became more and more delusional, and irratic as years went on to include picking fights in order to escape, and setting up house across town, tried to lure his children from their at least comfortable bedrooms to sleep on air mattress in a bad part of town, as a show of alliance against me, and some “common sense” or at least a united front, which I gave up on as he wasn’t too united, even with himself.
A few years later, and much more debt (some of my doing, due to his escapes from reality, for one, in order to try and maintain life) and he did it AGAIN, just pick a fight,took money that could have paid the debts off some and disappeared again, didn’t even bother to tell me where he went or that he had taken a huge sum of money with him, of course my fault AGAIN.
Now we are trying to cope with the years of debt, (both guilty, long story) AND his flights from reality and into escapism.

January 31, 2013 at 8:16 am
(18) mitzy says:

Now that this man has had his latest flight from “reality” and we are thousands of dollars poorer, he is trying to jockey his way back home, because a seperation/divorice isn’t working fast enough for him.
I am trying to hold the line of we are where we are in the process now , debts have to be paid, attorney has to be paid, life is still going on here even though he isn’t HERE, and he can just cool his jets at bit and we can WORK our way out, and away from each other
. In the meantime he is money laundering with accounts, that are supposed to be FROZEN, and hoping to make my owed quarterly IRS check bounce by his manuverings with these accounts. This isn’t the first time he has done this.
I

January 31, 2013 at 8:18 am
(19) Mitzy says:

I have tried to help supplement him and is apt, and bills and food costs, (though I don’t have to do this per temp. orders) till we get the bills paid off by a pensionn withdraw, but I am trying to investigate the tax implications, and all and keep him at bay from any “financial manueverings” away from the goal of responsibility to our child and the debts.
I would like to keep our respective credit rating intact (future emergencies) and work with him to avoid the cost of mediators, and all the other bs that is part of the legal system. He of course is flip flopping all over the place and punishing me, if I just CAN’T give him extra in the meantime. He “illegally” took a loan, put it in OUR joint account and is now demanding I give it AND the amount the courts said he gets?
I have been a SAHM, and still AM, and have been advised that a job at this point would only complicate matters, taxes and such, not to mention being able to keep one at this point with THIS going on.
I am beginning to doubt that advice as clearly he is putting on the pressure to return home, and once here, well here we go again. His lease is up soon, and unfortunately he is finding even ONE person costs a great deal to support.
He is still maintaining it is HIS money and it is MY job to get it to him, amazingly he is trying to us MY attorney to his ends, which I am not sure what that is, at any point in time.
He agreed to this and temp orders have been in place during this year, but he thinks HE is in control of the process and constantly threatening me, to do HIS bidding for him.

January 31, 2013 at 8:50 am
(20) Mitzy says:

I have an opportunity to take a much needed break from all of this and spend a few nights away for basically free, though an offer from a girlfriend. Trouble is he is in no way set up to care for our child at his place while I am gone. No food, no bed. Even if I send food, she has no where but the floor to sleep on, he thinks his parenting should be done at My (our) home, meaning he gets his foot in the door, while i am out of town.
He has had a years vacation from any responsibility but to nag me, and buy us things we don’t need at the time, and try to obligate me into allowing this over and over.
He invents “needs” and then sends me the bill for these pushed on me needs at my home. I have asked him to stop overriding me on these “unnecessary” manipulations, that I will pay for what is needed here, unless I ask for his assistance, cause he is gonna make me anyway..whether I want,need it or not. There is NO reasoning with him on some of this stuff. Now HE needs money, and demands I produce it. Obviously it is a ploy to stay engaged, while he manipulates to HIS advantage, making me feel obligated, or spend money from here we/I don’t have or didn’t budget for at that time. Attorney tells me don’t rock the boat. It isn’t me rocking it.

January 31, 2013 at 9:11 am
(21) Mitzy says:

I am beginning to be a bit fearful as he keeps asking for guns, I unloaded and locked up when this all began. I was tempted to sell them but didn’t for fear he would claim ownership, and make me PAY him.
I am hoping he cools off at some point, but his loss of total control and the alcohol is getting the best of him. Am I scared yes. Do I want to complicated matters by making one wrong move, NO. Do I see I made mistakes, by being too trusting and unemployed for so long to raise the kids, unfortunately yes. Have I discovered my own faults, and mini flights from dealing with reality, of course.
Thank you all for listening, as i put this forth to illustrate the difficulties caused by ONE person on a power trip, that has lost their way.
We need to be kind to each other, while respectfully venting, as we work on how these people have cost perfectly ok children and lives so much.

February 5, 2013 at 1:39 pm
(22) Michelle says:

I agree that the child custody is mostly one sided towards mother, most of the time. I am going through a divorce and we have joint custody of the kids. Which means since they live with me I get them the majority of the time. But all cases are different. My Friend’s wife left him and took their four children, He followed her from Texas to Montana then another state. He took his kids back, flew home and filed for divorce and won costody of his 4 kids. The problem for most dads is they don’t truly fight for their rights. However my ex gets rights he shouldn’t have. He constantly flirted with other women in front of me and my children, then when I wanted out of the marriage he sexually assaulted me and tried to hold me hostage. All this happened with our children in the home, yet since he didn’t harm the kids he gets unsupervised visitation with them. Even though he has a criminal case against him. I want him to take anger management and parenting classes and counsoling before he gets to see them but the Judge disagrees with me.

February 25, 2013 at 12:15 pm
(23) George says:

My wife walked out on me after I discovered she had ran up so much
credit card debt that we had to sell our home to pay it off. Now she is demanding everything else I own at divorce time and I will be left with nothing.She is a compulsive liar and manipulates everyone, even people in her church to get what she wants! Don’t talk to me about women like her that go round whineing about what a hard time they have. Sometimes it’s the man that suffers the most!

March 12, 2013 at 10:08 pm
(24) layla says:

I am going through a divorce now only because my husband has so many culture rules to follow. I am not allowed to work or go to school. My name was not added to the banks or home. My husband is not a citizen of this country. I am afraid that he will leave and take my son to Mexico. He bought our home cash but now mysteriously we have a mortgage. IM stressed beyond measures. IM so dizzy and have lost 8 pounds. Only smart thing that I have done is start school without his knowledge. I will be a senior this summer and I am proud of that I took tons of online classes and Saturday classes. I may lose in my divorce but I will gain knowledge, self pride and a better future

March 20, 2013 at 8:19 am
(25) Mitzy says:

The courts cannot and do not take into consider completely unreasonable people, who use power and control to obsessively OWN another person, nor the fact there are NO limits they won’t go to to control them.
I was an financially abused (his money his powertrip), set up (use the credit cards not HIS money) and an emotionally abused (cussed, lied to, children alienated from me, life and grandparents) framed and blamed and finally a physically abused woman.
Do I also hate myself for becoming a “dependant” to a man I later found was mean, selfish, and unappreciatived jerk, of course. He only cared about our home as a place to flop (his words not mine). He drank, lied, and ignored everyone’s needs but his own and had to be nagged to even THINK about anything but his own selfish isolated pursuits. Of course I wasn’t even allowed a phone relationship with my mother without going against his wishes and then me and the kids duly “punished”.
34 years of this one sided all about him and his selfish meaness. I just got too old and to abused to care about him at all. I tried EVERYthing to work around this to have an intact family for my children as it was too late for me (nor would he allow) me to earn any money with punishing me or my children, or worse telling me I could now pay for everything.

March 20, 2013 at 8:20 am
(26) Mitzy says:

On what? A little egg money or fun money made from doing the only thing he allowed, turning my home into a sewing sweat shop? This was what was “endured” as EVERY ONE thought I should stay because he made good money and didn’t BEAT me, well, making too much money, and having elderly no monied parents, and being allowed no other relationships that didn’t involve my children being sent along at ALL time to report back to him (and they did, as they were trained by him to do so) I stayed until I was hit.
This is what it is like for some. He did whatever he wanted and I do mean WHATEVER, neglected and resented his family, had NO time for anyone but his own selfish…horded his money and forced me into debt, and guess what?
He has EQUAL rights, and my own attorney tells me NOT to rock the boat, he is trying to buy me out and clearly will not keep his word on that, including paying off the bills or doing ONE responsible thing to not making this a truly financially devasting end to a very lonely and abusive situation for all that were in his life.
We are to feel sorry for him cause he worked and earned a wage, and of course I am just a gold digger. Right.

March 20, 2013 at 9:09 am
(27) mitzy says:

I also find it interesting that equal rights does not equate with them having Equal responsibilities.
He provides no where for his teen daughter to sleep, (against Texas law too I might add, but no one does anything about this and I cannot spare the money to keep taking him to task)
no food (he takes money I give her to go eat, as his to do with what he wants, though I have repeatedly told her you go eat, THEN go to sleep on the floor at his house, do NOT let him get your money for himself)
I have to do this as he can sweet talk honey from a bee to get his needs met while wanting to appear he is the PARENT providiing for her) yea right. He is so sick with alcohol and his own rotting core, he lives like a bum, never leaves his house, is ill and yes, think the world owes HIM being cared for above all others STILL.
Rarely I go visit my grandson (and he would stop that if he could, and try and put him in the middle of his ME wars) and he and the courts INSIST he can adequately care for her.
I would prefer ANYONE else looking after her (she is grown mostly but techinacally still a minor) so I HAVE to let him “parent”….when in truth SHE parents him and is a pretty good sport about it, as she is in college too and can’t always go with me when my new mom daughter needs me. This is sick how the one that is trying to live right must STILL also function with a screw up. Why, because of equal rights without equal responsibility. No fault? Tired of living in a society where no matter WHAT people CHOSE to do or not do that is responsible or mature they have equal rights. This is sooo wrong and not even in the best interest of society, let alone minor children.

March 20, 2013 at 10:24 am
(28) mitzy says:

In my opinion Equal (but not the same) responsibility, goes WAY beyond earning a wage. Marriage is an state of being because CLEARLY one person has extreme difficulty doing it all. Care, provide material things, raise children, succeede in career (ie climb the ladder for a higher wage) attend functions (something children require) be home when children are sick etc. I am not saying one person can’t, as many many single women, and a growing number of single dad’s have proven it can be done, BUT this is a very exhausting and hard row to how, and clearly that ONE person can never ever be sick as there is no back up. This is very very unnaturally hard to expect for everyone. I am a big believer that God intended two, and in nature that is often the case also, irregardless of just WHO does what, work or stay home, TWO, is the optimum to share the burdens and responsibilities of pro creating.
So, when I say equal responsibility, please don’t bombard me with “get a job” as working for a wage isn’t the ONLY responsibile thing and sometimes even THAT is not allowed by a controlling person or circumstance. NOT everyone gets to have a professionals income, that takes years, and most people that procreate simply “check out” to also RESPONSIBLY raise their offspring. Personal circumstances and choice play a different role in EVERYONES lives. I have know many women who “got or had a job” and it made NO difference how their marriages turned out with ONE destroying it through addiction, irresponsible behavior or a selfish demeanor.

April 30, 2013 at 2:33 pm
(29) David says:

Comment to “Green says”, you are a Saint and I have nothing but admiration for you. I’m going through a divorce and my soon to be ex had an affair and so did I but she wants to hang me out to dry and take everything I have even our children. I haven’t seen my two 10 year old girls for 3 months now waiting on the Temporary orders hearing.

May 27, 2013 at 8:05 am
(30) Randy says:

I haven’t had a chance to read many of the stories here yet, but it seems that most of them pertain to women who were left feeling lost and lonely by their husbands. In my case, after 23 years of marriage my wife decided to contact her ex-boyfriend from 27 years ago. He lives in another state so they only talked and texted numerous times on a daily basis for 8 months. She became so infactuated with him that she decided to divorce me; something that totally caught me off-guard. I was not only shocked, but now that the divorce has been filed and will be final in a month or so it feels like a bad dream instead of reality. Sexually, neither of us have ever slept with anyone other than each other since we met, so we’ve mutually decided to continue our sexual relationship. Basically, it’s become hookup sessions between two people who know how to please each other. Is this common in divorces?

June 3, 2013 at 7:53 am
(31) vibha awasthi says:

i am a indian girl going through divorce .my marriage lasted just 2 and half months. my hubby cheated on me, left me.he never worked on our situation.i loved him alot but for him i was nothing. one day i caught him with that girl and everything finished. it was a dying tragedy for mebut somehow i managed to live without him.in August our divorce is final.past memories haunted alot .

June 30, 2013 at 3:39 am
(32) birgitta says:

West will not be able to survive with todays standard of dealing with divorces. It costs too much.
The west is dying. Low birhtrates since 1972 has crushed the future for Europe and Japan. Since a couple of years also the US is following the sad example of fading cultures.
Ruined buinesses are one of the reasons why people do not have more children.
It is economically dangerous. It is much tougher to keep a family in a dwindling economy. Low birhtrates make high divorce rate.

August 29, 2013 at 10:58 am
(33) honey says:

My Ex who I am still in dispute with has signed my name on so much I dont know what to do !! I have credit cards signed with my name and I know its his writing.. I know I am sounding stupid but I never dealt with anything and I find all this out… He signed my own car into his own name using my name fraudulently, and he even had a works Van in my name for a few years that I didnt know about and I have just found out now because he has signed my name AGAIN even though we have been seperated for the last year and half. This is fraud and not even the authorities seem to be really bothered by what he has and is doing to me !! this is my name he is signing and getting away with…He has signed my name in Inland Rev docutments claiming credits without my knowledge and with all this racking up I feel like no one is helping me :(

September 27, 2013 at 1:18 am
(34) steve says:

I remember my first divorce. The wife ran off with the child to Florida. He was only 6 months old. The DCFS stepped in because she was with a drug ring selling drugs. The child was brought back to Indiana where we lived and placed in a foster home. I said i want the baby he is my son. The social worker stated your a man why do you want this baby. I had to hire a lawyer and 2 months later i had my child. Now if i was a woman no lawyer would be needed. We are still not far from this today.

December 5, 2013 at 12:42 am
(35) Lil me says:

I have something for u to think about…

December 5, 2013 at 11:09 pm
(36) Charlotte says:

I won a settlement against my ex but he lives in another state and I can’t get my money he was ordered to pay me. How can I get my money from him plus all late fees?
*

December 9, 2013 at 8:41 pm
(37) Gina says:

Why do so many men care about custody when most of them walk out on families? What actually happens more, the “absent father” or the “absent mother”? Looks like the guys are sore about being “manipulated” simply because there’s money involved. I’d be pissed too if the law forced me to milk money to something I’m not a part of. But the issue seems to be about the money more than anything else.

December 16, 2013 at 2:42 pm
(38) Terri says:

Ok here goes.. I was served divorce papers after thanksgiving. It was a complet surprise. The children and I had move from alabama to ohio. To be with dad. We had been away from dad three yrs only to see him three times in three yrs. the whole reason for the separation was sercomstance and choice. We were saving to buy a home to hv a finale homestead. Well we got the home I moved up to ohio 41/2 mo here. My family member moves the feast of our things here. We end up hvin a fuss on a Saturday he filed on a Monday n I was served five days later. I can’t help to feel as tho this was a plan to get me here to try to take the kids. Cause that’s what he’s goin for. He wants it all. And keeps tellin me he has me by the balls lol although I hv no balls lmao anyway I’m lost with the who what where why. But know all I hv ever wanted what was best for the children… Now what to do stay here move back to bama what’s best for my 4 and 11 yr old they hardly know him. He wants it all yet I want them to know him n be with me or what’s right by them idk but that’s what’s goin on here. Any kind words or advice would be wonderfull

February 14, 2014 at 9:06 am
(39) jessika says:

Randy its not common, after your divorce I would continue to have that sexual relationship with her. Most likely she will marry him afterwards. Take pics keep dates do it for as long as you feel , with social media when they have problems throw some salt on it …she’ll be back…you are lucky one..common is hate . Pain .wishing for communication and sex …and even death sometimes that common …
Or look at it this way you can eat your cake and don’t have to take care .. pay..or never miss a foot ball game again..

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