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Blame In Marital Relationships


Couple arguing, girl in covering ears with hands
B2M Productions/Photographer's Choice RF/Getty Images

Blaming other people or circumstances seems to be the way some people deal with conflict or unpleasant situations. When I think about a climate of blame in a marital relationship, I think of the negative effect it has on a marriage.Effects such as:

  • Fear of taking a risk.

  • Fear of taking responsibility.

  • Fear of making a decision.

  • Fear of offering a different opinion.

  • Feelings of resentment.

  • Increaded emotional stress.

  • Decreased desire to communicate.

  • A sense powerlessness and discouragement.

  • Decreased passion and intimacy.

    Blame in marital relationships causes despair, feelings of powerlessness and unhappiness for the spouse on the receiving end of all that blame.

    Blame Protects One Spouse and Damages The Other:

    Blame allows a spouse to put responsibility on their mate and everything other than himself/herself. It means your spouse doesn’t have to experience the discomfort of looking at their own faults or take responsibility for the situation. If a spouse doesn’t have to look at their own faults or take responsibility that means they don’t have to change. It is the other person who needs to change…with the problems and the blaming spouse can stay in their comfort zone.

    Abraham Maslow said, “One can spend a lifetime assigning blame, find the cause 'out there' for all the troubles that exist. Contrast this with the 'responsible attitude' of confronting the situation, bad or good, and instead of asking, 'What caused the trouble? Who was to blame?' asking 'How can I handle this present situation to make the most of it? What can I salvage here?”

    Next time your spouse blames you instead of taking responsibility tell him/her they are failing to have a responsible attitude. And, in doing so, are failing to get the most they can out of the situation.

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