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Using Threats To Intimidate

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In-tim-I-date
1. to make timid; fill with fear.
2. to overawe or cow, as through the force of personality or by superior display of wealth, talent, etc.
3. to force into or deter from some action by inducing fear.

When someone uses threats to intimidate they are attempting to break your will and take your power away from you. The intimidator tries to create fear in their victim. This is a form of covert abuse. There is no physical violence, just words meant to destroy you psychologically.

Below are a few examples of how a spouse may try to intimidate the other:

  • Not allowing you to finish a sentence. The intimidator does not want his/her spouse to be able to express their thoughts or feelings. The intimidator is superior to you and knows better than you. So, why listen to you or, why take the chance of allowing you to express a point that may take away his/her feelings of superiority?

  • Verbally attacking instead of communicating. What better way to put someone in their place than to verbally abuse them? This is an attempt to dominate. The intimidator owns you, you must be taught that their will comes before your own.

  • Uses a sincere tone get what they want. The intimidator can be a sweet talker when it comes to getting something he/she wants. Be ware though, if you don’t agree he/she will lower the boom. The intimidator can go from sweet talker to screaming meany in no time at all.

  • Humiliating you in front of others. The intimidator loves nothing more than putting you down in front of others. It can be in the form of a loving “tease” or down right mean. For example, you are at a dinner party, the hostess has set a beautiful table. The intimdator looks your way and says, “you should get xxxx to teach you how to set a table like this.” This is a back handed way of complimenting the hostess while also putting you down.

  • Keeps you confused about EVERYTHING. You don’t know which way is up. The intimidator says one thing, then does another. The intimidator requests something and then complains when you give him/her what was requested. You never really know how the intimidator feels or what he/she truly needs from you.

  • Makes the rules and inists you follow them. The intimidator “wears the pants’ in the family. They lay down the law and expect you to follow their law. If not you suffer the consequences. Only thing, the laws don’t apply to the intimidator. The intimidator is above the laws!

    Intimidation can be very subtle. Maybe your spouse is always “shocked” at the way you handle life. Maybe it is as simple as the way your spouse sits or stands when communicating with you. It could be a certain look your spouse gives.

    It can be as severe as physical violence, hurtful words and threatst to your loved ones. Intimidation is done to teach you that you and your needs don’t matter. And, the first step in breaking away from the intimidator is to fully realize that you matter as much as he/she.

    Related Content:

    Does Your Spouse Call You Names?
    Does Your Spouse Use Words to Shame You?
    Does Your Spouse Yell, Swear and Scream at You?
    Does Your Spouse Blame You for Their Bad Behavior?
    Does Your Spouse Dismiss Your Feelings?
    Is Your Marriage Making You Sick?
    Is Your Spouse Verbally Manipulating You?
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