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Using Hurtful Words to Shame


Young couple arguing in street
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We’ve all felt shame over an action or behavior of our own. It is human to make mistakes and most, when they do, try to put those mistakes right.

When we talk about the shame hurtful words and actions can cause us to feel we are talking about something entirely different. We feel invalidated, disrespected and diminished by the actions and behaviors of someone else.

Shame we feel over our own mistake is easier to over-come than shame we feel due to the actions of those we love. Only someone who lacked compassion and empathy would attempt to shame the person they are supposed to love the most.

  • Examples of Shaming Words:


  • Examples Shaming Phrases:
    “You are such an idiot!”
    “Who do you think you are?”
    “How can you be so stupid?”
    “You never listen to a word I say.”
    “Playing video games is silly.”
    “Only bad men look at Playboy.”
    “You are wrong, I am right!”
    “You got fat after we got married.”
    “You are such a retard.”

If your spouse is using words to shame you, he/she is attempting to dominate you and more than likely you are internalizing and believing the things your spouse says.

Being shamed will cause you to pull away from friends and family. Shame tells you, you are not worthy of having relationships. People who feel shame are likely to be angry and to blame others for their feelings. It is ironic that feelings of shame cause the destruction of the very thing you may want…relationship and connection with your spouse.

When shamed by our spouse’s words we withdraw from the very thing that we need to recover…relationships. Not only does shame destroy relationships but also relationships destroy shame.

Verbal abuse and shaming convinces us we are inferior but when connected with others the respect we receive destroys the shame we feel. It is important that you remain close to friends and family if in a verbally abusive relationship.

You should cling tightly to those who build you up and distance yourself from the spouse who diminishes and disrespects you with shaming words.

Related Content:

Does Your Spouse Call You Names?
Does Your Spouse Yell, Swear and Scream at You?
Does Your Spouse Use Threats to Intimidate You?
Does Your Spouse Blame You for Their Bad Behavior?
Does Your Spouse Dismiss Your Feelings?
Is Your Marriage Making You Sick?
Is Your Spouse Verbally Manipulating You?

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