As parents in a blended family the most important issue you will face is how your children will be disciplined. Child discipline in the blended family is something you should discuss and set rules about before marrying.
In the beginning the biological parent should be responsible for the discipline of his/her child. As the stepparent gets to know the child and develops a relationship their role of disciplinarian can be introduced into the relationship.
It is crucial that at some point each biological parent be permitted to and feels comfortable disciplining all the children in a blended family situation. Each parent should ultimately have a role of authority in the children’s lives but only after bonding has occurred and relationships have been established.
As in any family it is important to give children plenty of love and balance that love with firm boundaries. This can be more difficult in the blended family until bonds have been formed and trust developed between the stepparents and children.
Below are a few tips to help develop good relationships in the blended family and establish boundaries:
Build Trust Before Setting Too Many Boundaries
- Children are hurt by divorce. Their parent’s marriage might not have been healthy but that is of no consequence to a child. Children’s main concern is their own security. Divorce hits a child where he/she lives and they may be angry about the idea of a blended family.
Because of this developing a loving relationship with the child should come first. When it comes to children, relationships and their sense of security always come before boundaries. You need to be extra sensitive and discipline in a loving way.
- Loving discipline does not mean you don’t hold children accountable for their actions. You have to remember that there is a difference between “punishing” a child and holding them accountable. A child needs to know who is in authority and you have to learn how to exert that authority and when dealing with an angry child there is a fine line to walk.
- Treat every child fairly and equally. In a blended family there is so much history and different lifestyles, coming together to create a new family means both parents need to be on the same page as far as discipline is concerned. The history and lifestyles of both families have to be incorporated into how discipline is handled in the new blended family.
- Don’t be wishy-washy. Decided on how discipline will be carried out and stick to the rules. Always be firm and loving in whatever rules you set. Make it clear what kind of behavior you expect from each member of the blended family and the resulting consequences for any misbehavior.
- Set an example for your children. Boundaries and rules apply to all, even the parents. Make sure that as a stepparent your actions mirror your expectations of the children.
