What do you get when you blend families? Unresolved feelings, bitterness, mixed loyalties, step-parents and confused children. Add a Holiday and you’ve extra challenges to meet and overcome.
With effort and creativity, the blended family can meet the challenges and have a Happy Holiday season. Below are a few suggestions I hope will bring everyone in your blended family together during the Holiday season.
- When You Blend You Have To Bend:
Being flexible and willing to negotiate what you want is of up most importance. Thanksgiving doesn’t have to be celebrated on Thanksgiving if there is a conflict with other family members.
Gifts and Christmas Celebrations can take place either Christmas Eve or Christmas morning. There is no need to fight over who will be where at what time if you are flexible and realize it isn’t about the date but the season and the celebration.
Give your children a peaceful Holiday Season instead of a power struggle with your ex or other family members.
- When You Blend You Have to Vent:
Make sure that everyone involved knows that they have a right to share their feelings AND that those feelings will be taken into consideration. Your feelings may differ but others will appreciate having their feelings considered and validated.
If you have children who are spending a Holiday away from the other parent, let that child know that it is OK to feel sadness and to express how they are feeling. It isn’t unusual for a child to feel guilt for not being with the other parent during the Holidays. Validating their feelings will help the child move past any feelings of guilt and find more enjoyment in the Holiday.
- When You Blend You Must Have a Plan Ahead:
Don’t wait until the last minute to decide which parent a child will spend the Holiday with. Planning ahead will reduce Holiday stress. Start talking about the Holidays a few months in advance. Decide the date you will celebrate on, any new traditions you would like to start and who will be included in your Holiday celebration.
- When You Blend You Don’t Have to Compete:
Enjoying your Holiday is not about who buys the most expensive gift or spends the most time with each other. Competing for time with or attention from your children promotes a tense environment. Instead of allowing feelings of jealousy to cause you to compete for your children’s attention focus on being the best parent you can be for your child. Be mindful of how you are feeling. When feeling of animosity toward an ex surface look at it as a challenge to be the best person you can be. Replace negative feelings and thoughts with kindness and generosity. Your child will respect you if you do.
