1. People & Relationships

Do You Think About Divorce Constantly?

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Do You Think About Divorce Constantly? BigStockPhoto.com
Question: Do You Think About Divorce Constantly?
Answer:

I’m 28 and have been married for 2 years. My wife and I have twin girls that are a little over a year old. Lately I find myself thinking about leaving all the time. I feel trapped and like I will die if I don’t get out of this marriage.

My wife is a good person. She is a good mother and when we married I thought she was perfect, the girl I had been waiting for all my life. Now though I feel angry and frustrated. She refuses to work because she wants to stay home with the girls. It just seems that life has turned into the same thing day in and day out. I work, go home and listen to my wife talk about our girls, the broken microwave or whatever else is wrong.

I want to be free! All I can think about is being free of the responsibility. Living on my own without all the worry my wife brings. Is this a phase or do I need to act on my feelings and start life over?

Jared

Answer:

Jared, before you act on your feelings do some thinking about what life will be like after divorce. And, what may be causing the negative feelings you are having.

First, why don’t we talk about hard, cold facts? Divorce does not mean freedom from the responsibilities you already have. Divorce means you will live in a separate place from your wife and children. Once you divorce you will still be financially responsible to your girls. The court will order you to pay child support.

Living separately means the expense of a second resident. Can you afford to pay rent, electric, cable, water and all that comes with living on your own plus child support? Keep in mind also that you will have visitation privileges with your girls. That means renting or buying a second resident that is large enough for a bedroom for them.

Once you are divorced your wife will go back to work fulltime. If she is working the girls will go to daycare. If the girls are in daycare you will be court ordered to pay ½ of their daycare expenses. You can bet having two children in daycare isn’t cheap!

Before you even get that far though, you’ve got to get a divorce. You will need a divorce attorney which will mean paying attorney fees. Your wife will need a divorce attorney of her own and since she doesn’t work you could be ordered to pay her attorney fees. The average divorce cost $15,000. If you feel trapped now wait until you take on the financial responsibilities of a divorced father.

Now, about those negative feelings you are having. In the last 2 years, you’ve been through some major life changes. Marriage and twins is a lot for anyone to deal with! Could it be that you don’t know how to deal with these changes.

I think you have a problem but don’t have the skills needed to solve the problem. Without those skills I’m not surprised that your first thought is of divorce. You’ve taken on a lot of responsibility in a short period of time. You are overwhelmed and there is a good chance you are suffering from depression or problems with anxiety.

Instead of thinking about divorce, shouldn’t you be thinking about marital counseling? If you aren’t feeling right about your marriage, especially since the twins came along, get a counselor and try to find solutions to the problems in the marriage.

Talk to your wife, tell her how you are feeling and ask her to go with you to therapy. The responsibility you have now is nothing compared to the responsibility you will have if you divorce.

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