I don’t think I need to tell you that communication is key if it is a good marriage you wish for. We hear that a lot so it sort it goes without saying. What we don’t hear is what communication is and how to communicate in a marriage.
You see, communication is more than the ability to open your mouth and spew forth words. It takes skill to communicate properly and if you aren’t communicating properly you might as well be talking to a wall.
Below are a few things I’ve learned over the years about communication. I hope you learn something yourself!
- Unless the other person is ready to listen, communication is useless.
For communication to work the other person has to be listening and taking to heart what you have to say. There is a time and place for everything, which includes talking through a problem in your marriage. Don’t force a conversation on a spouse who is not yet ready to listen.
If you find your spouse is never ready to listen, I suggest you read my article on conflict avoidance.
- When communicating get specific.
Communication is not about complaining or whining. If your spouse is doing something that you don’t like, don’t gripe about it. Express exactly what the issue is and exactly what steps your spouse needs to take so that you will feel better about the situation.
I had a friend who felt her husband didn’t love her because he was a lousy gift giver. She never the gift she really wanted. You know why? Because she had never communicated to her husband what she really wanted.
She was under the impression that if he loved her he would automatically purchase the perfect gift for every gift-giving occasion. Most spouses want to do for each other. They long to please each other. Accomplishing that is impossible if you are not willing to communicate to your spouse what you want and need from them.
- Revisit discussions you’ve had.
You sit your spouse down and communicate to him that you need more romance before you are able to get into the “mood.” His response to this request is grab you in inappropriate places in public places or make naughty remarks about your private parts. In other words, he needs a little communication re-enforcement.
It is time to sit him down again and communicate to him exactly what you mean by “romance.” One of the things we often take for granted is that a spouse understands the meaning behind our words. There will be times when you say one thing and they hear something different altogether.
- For communication to work it needs to become a habit.
That’s right! One deep conversation does not a marriage make. Who would have thought that with all else that comes along with marriage you would have to add talking often and talk deeply to your spouse?
Talk about your fears, the weather, your children, your work, your dreams, your needs, what makes you angry. Communication, as sex is needed to keep couples intimately and emotionally connected. So, talk and while you are talking, don’t forget to listen also.
