Jon and Kate Gosselin Announce Divorce
After ten years of marriage Jon and Kate Gosselin have announced their decision to divorce. The couple filed documents at the Berks County Courthouse in Reading, Pennsylvania Monday, June 22, 2009. Documents that will begin the required period of separation under Pennsylvania law and eventually result in a divorce between the couple.
No big surprise in the “announcement” that has been publicized over the last several days. Unless you’ve been living under a rock you had to see this coming.
The good news in all this is that the children will have one main residence and Jon and Kate will share custody by alternating days in the home with the children.
Regardless of all the criticism of Jon and KateGosselin it would appear that they do want this transition to be as easy as possible for their children. It takes two to destroy a marriage and it takes two parents willing to work together to keep a divorce from destroying their children. Kudos to Jon and Kate Gosselin for realizing this.
I’ve asked readers to share advice to Jon and Kate on a User Answer page. I’ve been surprised at how little advice people have shared and how many judgments have been passed. A lot of people interested in Jon and Kate and their marital problems seem to need to take sides. That tells me that some of my readers have not learned that, like I’ve already said, it takes two to destroy a marriage.
Some personal observations I’ve made while watching Jon and Kate Plus 8:
- Jon, like he said himself, is a very passive man. Passive individuals are their own worst enemy. They spend years playing nice doggie and rolling over and then one day they explode.
Kate did not turn Jon into a passive man. He was passive before he met her and unless he does some heavy duty navel gazing and makes some changes in his personality he will be passive in his next relationship.
On tonight’s episode Kate said, “He is very angry with me.” That is a typical response by a passive person once they decide to “stand on their own two feet,” as Jon so proudly stated tonight.
He can acknowledge his own passivity but he can’t take responsibility for what it has done to him and his marriage. Why? Because most passive people have a need to see themselves as the “good guy.”
They need to believe that they roll over and don’t stand up for themselves because they care so much for others. The truth is not concern for others but fear of conflict. They can’t admit to fearing anything and they will go to hell and back before they admit that they are anything but “good guys.”
John has rewritten the history of his marriage. He is putting all blame on Kate and making her responsible for the failure of the marriage. He is guilty of selective attention.
Human beings have a natural tendency to pay attention only to data that support their pre-existing points of view or desires. Information that contradicts their beliefs or wishes is filtered-out of their awareness. This practice (selective attention) can lead to severely distorted notions of people and events.
Jon is choosing to remember Kate the shrew. Kate the wife who shoved her point of view down his throat. Kate the wife who disregarded his ideas and opinions. He is forgetting that he was there and present and consciously allowed Kate to control him.
Until he comes to the realization that along with the bad times there were also good times and that in spite of all her faults, at the core Kate is a good person he will remain angry and unable to have a civil relationship with her.
And, as long as he is angry he is damaging his children. Regardless of how much he says his children come first he is making the choice to damage them by treating their mother coldly in front of them. Just as he made the choice to be passive in his marriage. Hopefully Jon will one day start making better choices.
- Kate is a control freak who uses her children and what is best for her children as an excuse to control others. She hides behind the pretense of doing what her children need her to do to get what she herself wants.
She will continue to participate in Jon and Kate Plus 8 when anyone with any common sense knows that the exposure those children are subjected to is unhealthy. Especially unhealthy now that their parents are going through a divorce.
Kate is incapable of humility. She admits to being afraid but, then sits up and sternly declares that she will carry on. Where Jon feared conflict with Kate, Kate fears appearing out of control. It is important to her that she comes across as a woman who has everything under control.
She allowed herself half a day to break-down and then she pulled it all together and was back to her old self. Most men and women who suffer the loss Kate says she is suffering need far more than half a day.
Most of us stay strong for our children but most of us who have lost a marriage to an unwanted divorce will admit to breaking down daily for weeks if not months afterward.
More About Jon and Kate Gosselin
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Is Kate Gosselin Also Cheating?
Jon and Kate Marriage Profile
Discuss Jon and Kate on the Divorce Support Forum
