During a divorce once a parent has left the home visiting and staying in touch with their child lessens the emotional upheaval the child feels. You may be having an affair or suffering your own emotional distress over the divorce but your needs and feelings have to take a backseat to the needs and feelings of your child.
- Allow your children to have input when deciding a visitation schedule.
You should work with your child to come up with a visitation schedule that meets their needs. When a parent first leaves home a child may need more time with the absent parent to feel secure and transition more smoothly into the changes taking place.
If at all possible the absent parent should have daily contact via phone with their child. There should be visits with the child during the week and over-night visits every other weekend.
Take into consideration the role both parents have played in a child’s life and try to continue those roles. For instance, a child may be used to one parent helping with homework nightly. If you are that parent, make yourself available to your child and continue that role.
Just because you no longer live in the home does not mean you can’t call nightly and help your child with homework. It is important that the child’s needs continue to be met and they are shown they can count on some stability even though the family no longer lives together as one unit.
- Children should have a choice when it comes to where they live.
Each state has guidelines that govern when a child is old enough to voice an opinion about which parent they want to live with. I’m a firm believer that children should be given the option of choosing which parent to live with without the court’s intervention.
It is not uncommon for a child to feel more bonded with one parent over the other. That fact should be considered when deciding custody. Considerations like child support or who the primary caregiver was should take second place when deciding residency of the child.
If your child has a special bond with the parent that is moving out of the home and that parent is able to and has the desire for his/her child to live with them doing so should be seriously considered.
We each love our children and, of course want our children living with us. In the case of divorce our wants and needs should not come before the wants and needs of our children. Making sure a child is able to live with the parent they feel the deepest bond with will lessen the traumatic effects on divorce.