For years, actor Alec Baldwin has accused his ex – wife, Kim Basinger of using parental alienation to cause a rift between he and his daughter. On April 11th his frustration came to a head and he left his daughter a disturbing voice mail after she failed to answer a scheduled phone call.
When she didn’t answer he lost control, common sense flew out the window and he verbally assaulted his daughter for something he feels is her mother’s responsibility. Her emotional well – being and need for security went out the window and was replaced by his need to vent his frustrations.
Ireland, his daughter was left a message telling her, “Once again, I have made an ass of myself trying to get to a phone,” adding, “you have insulted me for the last time.” So, upset that she didn’t answer the phone he went on to tell her, “You are a rude, thoughtless pig. You don’t have the brains or the decency as a human being.”
The above is a small example of what was said by Alec Baldwin to his daughter. It’s enough to make you wonder, is this a man frustrated by the attempts of a mother to alienate her child from the father? On the other hand, is this a father who has anger at the mother and is putting the child in the middle?
If his tirade against his child was caused by the frustration of being alienated and dealing with an inept legal system he has made a huge mistake. He has now given Kim Basinger ammunition to use against him in court, which will further assist in alienating him from his child. What should he have done differently?
- He should have better control over his emotions. After years of doing battle in the family court system Alec Baldwin should have learned a healthier way to deal with the stress generated by divorce and issues that come up during the divorce process.
- Being a parent who has been in and out of court since 2001 and he should have know that there are things you shouldn’t expose your child to. He should not, under any circumstances discuss his feelings about his ex – wife with child. Anger over the situation is no excuse for berating your child.
- He should have put his child’s need before his own needs. Regardless of how hurt or angry he is over his child not answering the phone, he should have known, as a parent that the wrong person to take it out on is the child.
- He should have left his child a message telling her that he was sorry he didn’t get to speak with her, that he loved her and would call again. Leave the ugliness for the courtroom, do your battle there and keep your child out of the middle. If he shows his child patience, kindness and love he will one day be able to restore the relationship.
What, though, should a parent do who has lost control of their emotions and is using the child as a way to get back at the other parent? It is not uncommon in situations of divorce for one parent to use a child against the other parent. A mother or father who didn’t want the divorce can lose control of their emotions to the point of not being able to care who they damage as long as they get to air their frustrations.
Normally when a parent becomes wrapped up in their own pain and need for control they are not ready to listen to advice. Not until too much damage is done and it is too late to take back all the harm that was caused. We all need to learn to identify unhealthy emotions and negative behaviors stemming from those unhealthy emotions.
If you have found yourself in an unwanted divorce, are having to suffer the emotional stress of being separated from your children and are feeling as if your painful emotions are taking over your ability to think rationally there are things you can do.
- Divorce can bring out the worst in people. You need to make sure that any anger you feel doesn’t not have an effect on your child.
- Work at putting your feelings on the back burner and put effort into co – parenting for your child’s sake.
- Instead of focusing emotions on your spouse, focus your emotions on your child and making sure your child has what they need from you during and after the divorce.
- Realize that putting your child in the middle of the conflict between you and your spouse can cause your child to become an adult too soon. Continue to parent in a way that allows your child to be a child.
- Learn to deal with anger in a constructive way. One that won’t allow divorce to mean the end of cherished relationships.
