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What Are Your Emotional Needs?


Question: What Are Your Emotional Needs?
Answer: Your make-up determines your emotional needs. It goes without saying that some folks are “needier” than others. The key to getting emotional needs met is the ability to identify your needs and figuring out how to get those needs met. If you are someone who needs to feel accepted, admired, appreciated and fulfilled only you know what you need to do in life to have those needs met. If your marriage played a large role in meeting your needs, it is up to you to find new ways outside your marriage to fulfill those emotional needs.
  • Accepted, acknowledged, admired, appreciated, approved of,
  • Believed in,
  • Capable, challenged, competent, confident forgiven,
  • Forgiving, free, fulfilled,
  • Heard, helped, helpful,
  • Important, in control, included,
  • listened to, loved,
  • Needed, noticed,
  • Powerful, private, productive / useful,
  • Reassured, recognized, respected,
  • Safe / secure, supported,
  • Treated fairly, trusted,
  • Understanding, understood,
  • Valued,
  • Worthy

When going through the divorce process and rebuilding your life after divorce you will find you get your emotional needs met if you surround yourself with a good support system. Friends and family who acknowledge and honor what you are going through will be invaluable during this time of transition.

You have to be willing to ask for what you need also. We all want to feel independent, as if we can navigate our own problems without burdening others. Such a belief system can lead to isolation and isolation DOES NOT lead to healing.

If it is nothing but a hug, give yourself permission to ask for a hug. When my ex first left the marriage I kept my needs close to the vest. I had two children and thought I had to appear strong and in control.

After church one Sunday we came home to find that our neighbor had mowed the grass for us. Shortly after the discovery I was in tears. His generous act had highlighted to me the things I had denied myself. I needed help and he took the time to show my I was worthy of helping.

You have the right to be treated fairly by your ex, to feel valued and power comes from giving yourself permission to ask for what you need. No one can do it all and if your needs aren’t being met you will falter at what you do attempt to do.

So, take a few minutes, make a list of those needs important to you and make sure daily that they are being met.

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