He also agreed to pay a large sum of child support without consulting me. I’m very angry because he is making decisions without my input and has put me in a position of being the one to decide if we divorce or not. He made these mistakes, why can’t he be the one to make that awful decision? What should I do?
What you do has to be your decision and it will be an easy one to make once you get enough of his bad behavior. You will one day make a decision based on what is best for you and your daughter. Right now it seems like an awful decision but the longer he disrespects you and the marriage the less awful the decision will seem.
He is probably not making the decision to divorce because he knows it will make him look bad. It is far easier for a man to say “my wife left me” than “I left my wife.” He is leaving the nasty work up to you so that he can save face. Too bad he doesn’t realize that fathering a child outside his marriage took care of any good image he might have had.
I suggest you do what you feel you need to do at this time. Take the situation day by day; don’t rush into anything until you are ready. He is very busy taking care of himself and getting what he needs out of life. You need to take his lead. File for divorce when the time is right for you, not for any other reason.
In the meantime take care of yourself emotionally and physically. Pay attention to your diet, distract yourself from the problems he is causing by engaging in activities you enjoy. And, most importantly shelter your daughter from any conflict between the two of you. It is a parent’s responsibility to put their child’s needs first. He has failed to do that and you need to pick up the slack.
You should also ready yourself for the legal process of divorce. Consult with a divorce attorney to see what your legal rights are. Make copies of all legal documents related to your business, personal bank accounts, retirement accounts and investment accounts. Keep those copies in a safe place until you decide what steps you want to take.
There is more to divorce than filing for divorce. You have to take care of the financial, legal and emotional aspects of divorce. Now is the time for you to get all your ducks in a row. It will make the divorce process much easier if one or the other of you do file for a divorce down the road.