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How do I Know if he is Cheating?

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Question: How do I Know if he is Cheating?

According to my spouse there is nothing wrong with “innocent flirtations” or having members of the opposite sex as close friends. It feels like cheating to me though and I am very hurt by it. Am I being unreasonable?

Answer:

If it feels like cheating, infidelity, or adultery to you, then it is. Indidelity and cheating are a betrayal of the expectations you have of your partner. Especially when it concerns his or her contact and relationship with another person.

If you and your spouse have talked about this subject and you have openly expressed to him/her that you are uncomfortable with flirting with and close friendships with members of the opposite sex, he/she should respect your feelings on the matter.

It's difficult to define what constitutes cheating and infidelity because people have differing opinions on the subject and what they would consider appropriate or inappropriate behavior from a spouse.

Some people think it is wrong for their spouse to:

  • Flirt with a member of the opposite sex.

  • Discuss things of a sexual nature with a member of the opposite sex.

  • Giving gifts to a member of the opposite sex unless they are a relative.

  • Have sexual contact with someone other than their partner.

  • Chatting online with a member of the opposite sex.

  • Sharing personal information and emotional feelings with someone other than their spouse.

Some couples would have no problem with any of the above behaviors. Some couples feel it is OK to have sex with a person other than their spouse. Then there are those couples who find all of the above to be unacceptable.

The only way to define cheating and infidelity is if you feel your expectations of your spouse have been violated. When your expectations are not being met the emotional outcome is feelings of betrayal. If those are the feelings you are having, then, yes, your spouse is cheating.

Here is where you might have a problem though. Most couples don't discuss this issue in great detail. They may express to the other that cheating or infidelity is not acceptable but, they do not define what they view constitutes cheating or infidelity.

I suggest you sit down and have a discussion with your spouse and you both come to an agreement as far as what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior as far as contact with a member of the opposite sex.

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