Making the decision to divorce can be a complicated matter. Most divorces take place due to marital problems that have solutions but the parties to the marriage lacked the skills to solve those problems. There are, however marital problems that should send you running to a divorce lawyers office.
All this is a matter of opinion, my opinion. No one should take the decision to divorce lightly but there are cases where divorce is the only solution. If you’ve found yourself in one of the situations coming to the decision to divorce should be easy.
If he/she hits you once it will happen again. You should not stay in a marriage beyond that first punch, slap or shove. DO NOT make excuses for someone who hits you, DO NOT take the blame for someone hitting you. Violence is about a need to control and exert power over a spouse, it is not about loving a spouse.
Domestic abuse comes in different forms. Your spouse may physically abuse you or emotionally abuse you. Yelling, screaming, name calling and put-downs are not acceptable forms of behavior. For your own safety and that of your children you need to leave.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Infidelity is much like domestic abuse; it is a behavior that will repeat itself. A spouse will cheat for many reasons, what you; the victim of infidelity needs to understand is that there is never a good reason.
Have you heard the term, “financial infidelity?” If your spouse is spending money and putting an economic strain on the family they are committing financial infidelity. Your spouse may have a shopping or gambling addiction they are hiding from you. He/she may be running up credit card debt that you don’t know about.
The question for you is, do you allow someone else’s problem to bury you in debt or do you make no excuses? Being married to someone like this can mean years of recovery and they will usually repeat the behavior over and over again.
You can’t fix an addict. For some reason though, those married to addicts stay in the marriage believing they can somehow illicit change. An addict changes when they make the choice to change. An addict does not change because they see their spouse or children suffer. They do not change until they hit rock bottom and only the addict knows what his/her rock bottom is.
If you are lucky the thought of losing his/her family will mean a positive change in the addict. If you aren’t lucky and choose to stay in the marriage you can bet the addict will take their family down with them.