“Should I get a divorce?” This is a question I hear often from readers. One I’m unable to answer because only the parties to a marriage can determine whether divorce is the solution to their marital problems.
I will say this, when it is time for you to divorce, you won’t be asking anyone if it is the right thing to do or not. You will know in your heart that it is time to take your life in a new direction. For those of you still on the fence and pondering the divorce question I can give you insights into marital problems that lead to divorce.
Not dealing with these marital problems can lead to resentment, hurt feelings and can cause one spouse to emotionally detach from the other. If any of the six things below are happening in your marriage I suggest you seek marital counseling or, if you feel it is too late, file for a divorce
Should You Get a Divorce?
- Life Without Your Spouse is an Appealing Idea:
Thinking about how much better life would be if you were divorced is common. It happens during times of marital strife to most. What is not normal is if you find yourself fantasizing about divorce often. This is a sign that you are stuck in an unpleasant situation and you are unable to find a solution to the marital conflict. It's a for sure sign that you need to seek marital therapy before it is too late.
- You Can’t Remember the Last Time You Were Happy in Your Marriage:
If the negative outweighs the good in your marriage, your marriage is in trouble and in need of help. If there is more trouble than paradise, you need to get help in learning how to confront the issues causing the problems in the marriage. Problems feed on inactivity. Not taking pro-active steps to solve marital problems will lead to other problems and it only makes sense that the bad would soon outweigh the good in your marriage.
- You Don’t Share Your Thoughts or Feelings With Your Spouse:
Do you find yourself dreading talking to your spouse about marital problems or life in general? Marital communication is an important way to relieve stress and build a healthier bond between couples. If you don't feel comfortable communicating with your spouse this could be a sign that you feel a lack of trust in your spouse. A marriage can't survive where there are issues of trust.
- You Feeling Defensive and Angry Toward Your Spouse:
If either of you are overly defensive, dismissive of the other's feelings, show contempt for the other's beliefs or engaging in stonewalling tactics you are at high risk for divorce. When conflict is avoided or negative defense mechanisms are engaged when trying to deal with conflict you are not allowing healthy conflict resolution. It can be the kiss of death for a marriage.
- You Want to Fix the Problems But Your Spouse Ignores Your Attempts
Are you frustrated because every time you try to discuss marital problems your spouse pulls away from you? Maybe you have tried to express that you no longer care and you are the one distancing themselves from the marriage. It isn't uncommon for either spouse to withdraw if they feel the issues in the marriage are being avoided by the other spouse. Eventually one or the other spouse will shut down all together and no longer be interested in solving the marital problems.
- You Have no Interest in Sex With Your Spouse
Maybe one of you wants sex and the other doesn't want sex. Maybe you have both stopped needing that intimate connection with each other. Whatever the reason, a marriage that lacks sexual intimacy and affection will either end up in divorce or end up being a marriage of convenience. One in which you stay for the sake of the children or because you are afraid of change.