Denise A. Donnelly, associate professor of sociology at Georgia State University, who has studied sexless marriage says, “There is a feedback relationship in most couples between happiness and having sex. Happy couples have more sex, and the more sex a couple has, the happier they report being. In my 1993 study, I did find that people in sexless marriages were more likely to have considered divorce than those in sexually active marriages. There is no ideal level of sexual activity — the ideal level is what both partners are happy with — and when one or both are unhappy, then you can have marital problems.
Can you think of a better reason for cultivating intimacy with your partner than a happy marriage? Too often life and responsibility get in the way of intimacy in marriage. Couples are busy working, paying bills and raising children to pay attention to their intimate relationship. Few realize that not putting intimacy first could mean problems that will lead to divorce.
Why Couples Aren’t Having Sex:
- Long work hours,
- Raising children,
- Household chores,
- Boredom in the bedroom,
- Stressors outside the marriage
If sex has dwindled to nearly nothing in your marriage, you’ve not got your priorities straight. All that work, bill paying and time raising children will mean nothing if the intimate disconnect with your spouse leads to divorce.
How to Get the Sizzle Back Into Your Marriage:
- Don’t allow long work hours to interfere with intimacy. After a long day at work, long meetings, deadlines to meet and an overbearing boss it isn’t surprising that your sex drive is missing in action.
How do you get busy, getting busy when fatigued? A little none fact…the more you have sex the more you want sex. Sex boosts levels of brain chemicals that trigger sexual desire. We all know that where there is “desire” there is a way. So, do it regardless of how tired you are and soon you will be doing it for the fun of it.
- Carve time out of your busy schedule for sex. You make time for your children’s activities, paying the bills and that long list of other things on your daily schedule. It may be time to make time for sex! Below are a few of the benefits of sex, why would you not make time for an activity that is so good for you?
- Sex improves cardio health,
- Sex improves sleep habits,
- Sex provides the same benefits as exercise,
- Sex relieves pain,
- Sex relieves stress,
- Sex improves your mood
- You don’t have to be in the mood to enjoy the act of lovemaking. I had a conversation with a woman whose husband was sexually frustrated. Their sex drives were not in sync and according to her, if she wasn’t in the mood she wasn’t going to give in to his desire to have sex.
Bad attitude! Aren’t husbands and wives supposed to take joy in the pleasure they give each other through the act of making love? I’m not suggesting you roll over every time your spouse wants sex but you can’t control whether your spouse enjoys an intimate relationship with you buy believing you have to be “in the mood” every time.
If you love your spouse, nothing is more pleasurable than pleasing them sexually. Instead of looking at sex as an opportunity to have an orgasm, view it as an opportunity to enjoy the look of passion on your spouse’s face. Think of it as an opportunity to give of yourself to the person you love. Your mood isn’t more important than the intimate connection that comes from sex with your spouse.