The best way to develop positive relationships within a newly blended family is to take time to talk and listen to all involved in the new family unit. Every member of a blended family needs to feel as if their opinions are valued and taken into consideration during any decision-making. Your role as either the biological parent or stepparent is to allow everyone the time to process and express their feelings even if those feelings are uncomfortable to hear.
The Stepparent And The Blended Family:
As a stepparent, you should avoid any decisions about the discipline of your stepchild. This can and does depend on the situation but in most cases, it is best to leave issues of discipline up to the biological parent. Your role as a stepparent is that of mentor and supporter, not parent. This is something many stepparents have a hard time coming to terms with.
You may not agree with how your new spouse handles issues of discipline but you should show him/her support. Doing so is imperative when developing a positive marital relationship. If you have issues with the way you new spouse disciplines their child discuss those issues with him/her in private and do so with an open mind. Talk about your concerns without becoming judgmental.
To begin with your role as a stepparent will possibly mean keeping some distance between you and your stepchildren. It takes time for children to bond and get used to the idea of a stepparent. You need to be willing to step back and allow your relationship with your stepchild to develop at their pace. As time passes and the child becomes more accepting your role will change and if you play your cards right you will become more involved with the child.
The Biological Parent And The Blended Family:
As the biological parent, you are the only member of the newly blended family who has a close relationship with all members of the family. You will play a critical role in the development of a positive relationship between your new spouse and your children. It is up to you to make sure that both your new spouse and your children understand the need to treat each other with respect and kindness.
As you and your new spouse work together to establish a new blended family make sure your spouse has an understanding of how issues such as discipline, household rules and each child’s responsibilities has been handled in the past. It is imperative that your spouse fully understands how your children are used to doing things and that he/she not make any disruptive changes. Introducing a new stepparent into your children’s lives is hard enough without also having someone come in and change all the rules on them.
Also, biological parents have a bond with their children that a stepparent doesn’t. This bond can cause a stepparent to feel isolated…like an outsider. Make every effort to include the new stepparent in daily routines and activities as much as possible. Find activities you can do together as a blended family. Doing so will speed up the bonding process between your new spouse and your children.
