1. People & Relationships

Rebuild Your Life After Divorce

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You’ve gone through the divorce process. You’ve taken care of all the legal and financial issues. Now you have to deal, at last with healing the emotional issues. What are you feeling?

Post divorce emotions can range from feelings of confusion, self-doubt, anger, ambivalence and, in some cases shear relief. Life as you knew it is over and now you have the job of building a new life. This takes work, both external and internal work.

To set your world right externally you may have to find a new home, build new friendships, start a new career or learn to live life as a single parent. The internal work consists of dealing with and working through any left over attachments to your ex. You may have to work through issues with anger over an unwanted divorce. You may be experiencing fear at the idea of living without a spouse you once depended on for a sense of security. Whatever you are dealing with either externally or internally, you need to develop certain skills to help you in your transition to a new life.

Below are three skills that will help you rebuild after a time of adversity:

  • Openness:

    Be willing to share what you are feeling and experiencing emotionally with others. If talking through our feelings didn’t help the healing process there would not be so many therapists in business. Stay open and honest with friends and family. Sharing details of your emotions promotes healing.

  • Action:

    Moving forward with your life means having a willingness to take action. On days you would rather pull the covers over your head, force yourself out of bed. Put one foot in front of the other because any movement is forward movement and it is in a forward direction you want to move. Get up, get going and get on with your life. Start with baby steps and soon you will be moving forward by leaps and bounds.

  • Belief:

    There is no healing without the belief that you can heal. Belief in ourselves and our ability to weather any storm is our greatest tool when it comes to moving through a time of adversity. Be patient, kind and loving with yourself. Push any self-doubt you have aside and believe in your own competence. If the odds seem against you, if you feel you aren’t going to make it, go against the odds. Develop discipline, push all negative self-talk out of your head and believe that you can become whom you want and live the life you desire.

Sharpen your new skills; make them a part of your daily life. Openness, action and belief in yourself will never fail to bring you through adversity in your life. One day you will look back and realize that all the sorrow and challenge you experienced during your divorce gave way to some of your greatest accomplishment.

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