I have a friend who is going through a divorce after three years of marriage. She and I were discussing her situation the other day and I asked her why, if she had such negative feelings toward her soon to be ex-husband, why she had married him in the first place.
I sat listening as she went over the reasons she married and thought to myself, “I have to turn this into an article.” It would seem my friend made a commitment and took a vow for ALL the wrong reasons. Below is what she told me:
Marci was 27 years old; all her friends were either married or engaged and she was feeling like the “odd man out.” Just like Marci, many people get to a certain age and begin to fear they may never marry. Imagine feeling old at twenty seven or that life is going to pass you by? Fear that your chances are becoming slimmer or that time is running out on your biological clock is no reason to marry!
Marci was tired of being “alone.” All her friends were coupled up so that left her to her own devices on the weekends and “who wants to be the only one without a partner on Friday and Saturday night?” I guess Marci didn’t realize that being with the wrong partner on Friday and Saturday night can be worse than being alone.
If you are feeling lonely and want to add someone to your life in an attempt to give it meaning, you are “putting the cart before the horse.” Find meaning in life, learn to enjoy your own company and then invite someone in to share the life you’ve built.
Marci confused lust with love, something that is easy to do. Lust colors our perceptions and allows us to make excuses for a person’s shortcomings. In other words no one should be driven to make life altering decisions based on the fact that someone causes intense butterflies.
- A Desire to be Taken Care of:
Marci, like a lot of women wanted a man to “take care of her.” She was struggling financially, having problems with her family and in her mind marrying and building a life with someone else was the solution to her problems. What she didn’t realize is this…she was just adding another person to the mix, someone else who had problems of his own, both financially and personally. Instead of being rescued from her problems, she just ended up with more problems to deal with.
It is no wonder Marci’s marriage failed. None of her reasons for marrying would promote an enduring, satisfying, and life-long marriage. Hopefully next time she will marry for all the right reasons.