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5 Things Not To Do During Divorce


Couple arguing in a counselling session
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It only makes sense that during the divorce process there are things you want to make sure you do. But what about the things you shouldn’t do? It has been my experience when working with divorcing clients that they tend to focus on what they should do and forget that the things they shouldn’t do can be as important.

Things You Shouldn’t Do During Divorce:

  1. Do Not Be Inflexible:

    When negotiating a divorce settlement or determining child custody you must be willing to compromise. Everyone goes into a divorce knowing what they want; no one comes out of a divorce getting all they wanted. If you are unable to be flexible during negotiations you take the chance of walking away with far less than you could have negotiated.

  2. Do Not Dismiss Your Ex’s Needs:

    You may no longer want to be married to him/her but that doesn’t mean you should ignore their needs. You aren’t the only party to the divorce. The legal idea behind a divorce is to dissolve a marriage, not leave the other person destitute. Taking their needs into consideration and being fair minded will go a long way in keeping your divorce from turning into all out war.

  3. Do Not Spend Money:

    Divorce is expensive. Plan ahead financially and start saving for the long-term. Take your monthly discretionary money, money you are used to spending at will and sock it away in a bank account. If you do and your divorce turns into a long, drawn out financial suck you will have some padding to help get you through.

  4. Do Not Behave Badly:

    This is one some folks have a hard time wrapping their brain around. It is quite simple though, do not do anything before, during or after your divorce that will reflect badly upon you. Respect yourself, your ex and the Family Court system. Those who are able to navigate the divorce process with dignity find it easier to move on and rebuild their lives once the process is over.

  5. Do Not Engage In Conflict:

    Divorce is a legal process that is packed with emotional upheaval. During the divorce process focus on the legal aspect of what you are going through. If your ex is angry, refuse to respond to their anger with anger. Neither your attorney nor the Family Court Judge is interested in the conflict between you and your ex. They are legal representatives of the court, not marriage counselors. Don’t expect them to become a party to any emotional conflict between yourself and your ex.

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