I think it is safe to say that most women trust their husbands. Sandra Bullock trusted Jessie James, just as Elin Nordigren trusted Tiger Woods. Like 70% of women, Sandra and Elin had no idea their husbands were cheating.
Given the reputation of both men before marriage I can’t help but ask myself why these women were so willing to show such faith and trust. And, that is what this article is about. Learning the signs before saying “I Do” and not making excuses or living in denial that once he marries you, he will change his cheating ways.
The best predictor of what kind of husband a man will be is his past behavior. Recent studies reveal that 50% to 60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their marriage. You can bet if a man cheated in the past, he will cheat in future relationships
How do you know if a man is of a nature to cheat? Below are behavior traits to keep your eye open for before walking down the isle and promising fidelity to a man who doesn’t understand the concept.
He has a sense of entitlement. A high opinion of himself and he feels everyone should share that opinion. The narcissist is in the relationship for what he can get out of it. You are an object, not a woman with feelings that he needs to concern himself with.
Life and relationships are a game to the narcissist. Winning the game means getting what he wants. If he wants another women then he plays the game according to his rules, not societies rules. If you marry this guy and he cheats, don’t expect compassion or remorse. Just expect more of the same.
- Lacks Empathy:
This guy feels no guilt over his actions. What keeps most men from cheating on their wife? The guilt and remorse they feel over hurting their wife. This guy, he has no reason not to cheat because he lacks the ability to sympathize and feel compassion for others, not even the woman is supposedly loves.
I have a friend whose husband was a serial cheater. She was quite stunned when she learned of his behavior. After some though she realized she had never heard him express empathy or regret over anything.
For example, he said something very hurtful to her mother on one occasion. When she addressed the issue with him and shared her concern that he had hurt her mother his response was, “she will get over it.” Guess what his response was when caught cheating? “You’ll get over it.”
He couldn’t conceptualize the degree of suffering his infidelity caused his wife. He thought her need for him to express remorse was a shortcoming in her. It never occurred to him that his inability to express remorse was his shortcoming.
- History of Cheating:
Listen up ladies; if you meet a man who cheated on his first or second wife, he will cheat on you. We all like to think we are special. That wonderful woman he find impossible to break trust with. Guess what, we are wonderful but he isn’t and once a cheater, always a cheater. Don’t turn a blind eye to past cheating.
Women who become involved with a married man and believe “he will never cheat on me” always puzzle me. A good example of this attitude is Rielle Hunter, John Edward’s mistress. Ms. Hunter, when asked says she does not believe that John Edwards would ever lie to her.
Think about it, he lied to his wife of over 30 years, he lied to his children, he lied to his campaign staff and he lied to the entire country. Rielle Hunter, for some reason believes herself to be special, the one person on earth that John Edwards would never lie to. It is women who live with their heads in the clouds like this who end up suffering due to their own lack of insight into themselves and the man they are involved with.
- He is Commitment Phobic:
If it took egging on by you to get him down the isle you can bet he isn’t as emotionally invested in the marriage as you are. This guy has one foot in the marriage and one foot out. When problems arise, and marital problems are part of being married this guy will be looking for a way out. What better out than another woman?
We all play a role in the kind of marriage we have and whether we are able to build a happy marriage. One way to guarantee honesty and fidelity in your marriage is to pay attention to negative past behaviors and character traits.
If you bury you head in the sand or believe yourself to be the woman who will change him, you have no one to blame but yourself when you wind up on the receiving end of his cheating ways.