How many years were you married?
I was married for 30 years.
Did you want a divorce?
After much vasilitating and unsuccessful attempts over the years I realized that it was impossible to repair the emotional damage and recreate a trusting atmosphere. The only given was that another year would pass and the situation would not improve.
Describe the break-up of your marriage.
I gathered my courage and told my husband I could no longer live this way and that I was leaving. He lashed back at how he should have left me years ago when he had the chance. It was a horrible environment attempting to live together until I could actually relocate to my home town 3 hours away.
Days after telling him I went on a trip planned for over a year. That gave me the opportunity to slowly break away physically. Returning he had hoped I had a change of heart. The last 2 weeks I stayed with friends. He called my family in an attempt to have them change my mind. They knew I had made the right choice.
What helped you cope with your divorce?
Family and friends and knowing I had given this a lot of thought. This was not a snap decision I was just slowly losing my optimistic view of life. I did not leave to find romance I wanted to stop the emotional abuse and find some peace.
Lessons Learned
- Be honest, not afraid to talk about concerns and finding solutions before they become insurmontable.
- Have a grasp of your finances and perhaps a joint account for shared expenses and seperate account for yourself.
- Don't settle for crumbs.
- Don't expect the legal system to be responsive.
- Expect that your divorce will take a long time and be costly.
- Find someone or group so you can vent.
- Try whatever it is that you've wanted to do.
- Make time for yourself.
- Don't be worried about feeling bad it's a difficult time.
