How many years were you married?
One, but we lived together for four years
Did you want a divorce?
No, the divorce came as a complete shock to me and my children.
Describe the break-up of your marriage.
We both changed jobs, which put a lot of stress on our relationship. With the job change, we both took major pay cuts. We had bills and kids to take care of. His mother thought she should be in the center of our marriage and then the fact that he turned to another woman else six months into our marriage played a significant role in the demise of our relationship.
He pulled the rug out from under me. I was not prepared for it at all. He was always gone, and I had trouble trusting him...I now realize for good reason.
What helped you cope with your divorce?
After he left, I was devastated. I honestly didn't know if I was going to make it. I got up each day and went through the motions because I had to. I cried, a lot. I thought everything was my fault...if I had just been a better wife, if I had just lost weight, if I had just been home...a lot of what if's.
One day, I just got up off of my knees and I asked God to take it all. It took me nine months, but I was born again. I now realize that I was not to blame for it all. I found my peace, I found God, and I found my children again.
It's not easy and I still stumble, but I truly try. I write...every day, and I am in the process of writing a book that can help spouses of police officers and firefighters. He is a cop and I am a firefighter. The stress and divorce levels for these professions is extremely high.
And if I can help just one couple not go through the gut wrenching pain that I had to endure, then I will count my blessings. Being the wife of a police officer took it's toll on our marriage. He shut me out, and I in turn didn't really care because I had my own issues to deal with. He and I can talk now and we get along better than we ever did before. The damage is done, and we both realize this.
We still love and care for one another deeply, but we both know that for now, this is how things have to be. The trust is gone. He betrayed me, and I am not sure that can ever be gotten back. But forgiveness is divine. We have forgiven one another. It took me ten months to reach this point. I can smile now, and I am happy. I thank God for that. He never left my side. He carried me like a child in his womb for those nine months.
Now I am able to breathe for the first time in a long time and rejoice. I may have lost my husband, but I gained so much more. I found God, and I found myself.
- Argue fairly, and never argue in front of your children. Nothing is so bad that it can not wait until you are in private.
- Never go to bed angry, because if you go to bed angry, you are going to wake up angry.
- Respect one another, leave the name calling out of it, as a couple, you should lift one another up, instead of pulling them down
- Listen...when your spouse is earnestly trying to talk to you, LISTEN to them
- communicate, because when the lines of communication break down, your marriage is also going to break down.