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Readers Respond: Were You A Victim Of Verbal Abuse?

Responses: 352

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I Need Support

I wish I could have a dialogue with someone who can confirm that I'm not nuts. I'm so sad. I keep trying but I know it is time to go. I am luckier than many in that I can go and still stay afloat but I'm still so sad. This is so tough. I don't have a support system.
—Guest Im exposed to verbal abuse

Letting my Husand Abuse my Kids

I have been married to my husband since 2002. I know I need someone to talk to but don't have the energy or time to go see someone. We'll my husband is verbal abusive to me and my two kids. He tells me all the time my kids are special needs. He tells me to get rid of them. He is the step dad but we have been married since my kids were babies and a toddler. Now t 10 & 12. My husband just found out he has a tumor on his pancreas two months ago. The doctor tells me is screws up his hormones and all levels in his body. Is this true? He is the most negative person I have ever met. Please help with your advice. I have fibro, IC, Rosacea and possibly lupus. He tells me I don't have anything. He does not believe how sick I am. I take care of everything, all his pets, cook clean, bills listen to him talk to me like crap. Negative!!!He is eleven years older than me. He is so moody! My kids can't really stand him. He is in the Army. I thought you were suppose to look up to people in the Army.
—Guest MGA

Been There Done That

I left the beatings, verbal abuse, responsibility for every thing in our life, and whatever went wrong in any part of his life was my fault. I left him which was the hardest decision I made in my life after I came 15 minutes from dying. I had parents to help me and now I have earned two BAs and a MA, purchased my own home with my own pay checks and I have the freedom of being me. I went through the idea that once married; always married but there are passages that state that a woman does not have to stay in an abusive relationships (same for men)
—Guest Nee

Anything is Better Than Staying Put

When a double-wide trailer in Oklahoma and a job as a waitress at the Waffle House sounded like paradise, I knew it was time to go. And I did. Thank God for my friends and family who showed me my options and helped me get out.
—Guest Sanity restored

Why Did She Abuse Me?

I was married for only 4 years, but the amount and levels of abuse were astounding. The threats that were made and attempts to carry through on those threats again floored me. My philosophy in life has always been the "Golden Rule". Do unto others as you would have done unto you. I could no longer turn the other cheek. I frankly have post traumatic stress from it. I have filed for divorce. The abuse was starting to impact my self esteem, my career, and my relationships with everyone. There were threats of turning my own son (she was a stepmother) against me, was the last straw. Be mean to me, but don't cross me with my child. I hope she gets help because she needs it. I could no longer stand to be treated in that way. I still think in some way I must have deserved it, but that is just the residual of the relationship. Frankly the things she would and still tries to do, no human should be treated that way. I would tell her she is not being a good human being.
—Guest Russ

Eye Opening

After another fight with my spouse, I am feeling more worthless than ever. Reading these responses is helping me to see that it is not all me.....I realize now that my spouse is verbally abusive. I love him and I know that we can get past all of this, but I don't know how I can get through to him. How do I tell him he is verbally abusive without it backfiring? I don't know the answer yet, but I feel better knowing that my feelings make sense now and I am not worthless.
—Guest Sad

YES, You Are Being Abused! Get Out!

I am so confused. I have been seeing someone for 1 year. He called me a psychopath, laughed when I cried at his screaming (he screams a lot) tells me he never wants to see me again, tells me it is all my fault and that I need to change. I try everything but it is never good enough. He will not look at me when I cry and calls me pathetic, I have been physically ill in his house and he calls me pathetic. Am I being verbally abuse? Help
—mimiburns

Abused by Husband and Children

I have been with my spouse for 10 years and have 3 children, we got married 3 years ago and since then our relationship had changed. He started verbally abusing me, by saying I am dumb and are not a good wife and mother, he expects me to get him his beer and dinner while he watches TV. I have to do all the household chores and try to keep the house clean and he still has to say to me it is not enough. My children are now talking to me like he does. He doesn't want to do anything with me and the kids no more. I feel I have no love for him, I am thinking of leaving him as I want a better life for myself and the children.
—mumandwife

Verbally Abusive Men Don't Deserve Us!

I just came across this article because I couldn't sleep tonight...and I know why. I am finally coming to terms with the fact that my boyfriend is verbally abusive towards me. I have been feeling so bad lately, as all of the so called "ways I need to improve" have started to affect my self esteem. He has called me a "head case" and a "psycho," among other names too. When I told him that if he continues to call me these names that I will leave, his verbal abuse just became more covert. I had to listen to 45 minutes of "How I need to improve" yesterday, and I am so tired of it! He makes up his own version of who he thinks I am, and it's obviously just to cut me down so he can get me to do what he wants! I am going to see a Counselor and am leaving this relationship. There are plenty of good guys out there who would never dream of talking to me this way. To all the other women out there who are going through this: Leave! You deserve the best! There ARE good guys out there!
—Guest Annonymous

I Thought He Would Change

I moved to Florida to be with a man who said he loved me and wanted to make me happy. I thought once we weren't long distance and he could see how faithful and loyal I was and things would change. Things were so good when they were good! But it got worse. His obsession with me granting him access to my facebook account was ridiculous. He would find something to fight about, no matter how innocent it was. He called me a bitch, called my mother a bitch, told me he wished I would die, that I would get herpes, etc. He was controlling. If I didn't do what he said, if I fought back, he said he would make sure I was homeless, that he would cut off my power and cable, that he would leave me and so forth. I found myself apologizing when I hadn't done anything wrong. The craziest thing is that even though I know he was abusing me, my feelings for him are still there. I'm so confused. I feel like I just got out of a war zone. He hurt me, but he didn't break me!!!
—Guest Margie

My Home is in Turmoil

Every time I make my husband angry he flies off the handle. He said to our three year old, "if you do that again I will hurt you." When I mentioned the incident he says, "he didn't care. He wasn't even paying attention.". It made me so sad. He looks at me and says stuff like "I don't like you anymore. I can't stand you." then later says I'm sorry. I was just so mad. You made me so angry so I say those things. You know I don't mean it. He expects me to just say OK I forgive you. The way I'm left is with an emotional pit. I am worthless!
—Guest Mommy2boys

I've Turned Into a Verbal Abuser

I have been married for 15 years, 2 kids. My husband used to be so nice. But as time went on and I pursued higher education he slowly unraveled. To him I am a no good mother, unstable, no one likes me according to him, I am too scared to live on my own according to him, I am too selfish and all I do is think of myself. He has gone so far as to say that I am abusing him!!?? What the heck! I am abusing him because I am so fed up with the name calling that I don't speak to him much or have sex with him. He calls me unstable because I get upset and yell at him when he is talking so bad about me. He turns the tables on me and says when I am yelling I am scaring the kids. I just get so frustrated at the constant criticism, name calling. I can never please him anymore. Everything I do is wrong. My only defense is to yell back and call him a name or two. I have gotten so mad I slammed the garage door and caused a hole in the wall. I am so turned around I am almost believing I am abusing him?
—crisisintx

Verbally Abuses my Children

I have been married to an intermittently verbally abusive woman for 13 years. I had learned to deal with it and deflect/shut it down but I finally saw her do it to our eight year old and realized it for what it was. How do can I leave if that means leaving the kids with her, at least half of the time?
—Guest Denverite

Left andNever Been Happier!

I was married to an abusive man for two years. It took me a year of on and off separation to finally leave him...with nothing but the clothes on my back I filed for divorce. I stayed with friends until I found a job. It hasn't been long since my divorce, just a couple months, but I have NEVER been happier. I am out on my own and have found out I'm not all the horrible things my ex said I was. I am even seeing a wonderful, kind man now, and if I hadn't gotten out and gotten some therapy (you can get free therapy for domestic violence in most cities) I never would have known how great life could be. My husband called me every name in the book, usually the kind that was 'in my best interest' but left me feeling awful. My life became a self fulfilling prophecy as the self esteem got lower. After the 3rd time he chocked me, I left. I haven't shed a single tear. All the fear I had about divorce that kept me from doing it never came true. No woman should be afraid to live a better life!!
—Guest if I can do it you can too

ABUSIVE LONG-DISTANCE BOYFRIEND

I am writing this as a means of mentally freeing myself. I need to put this in writing so that there is no turning back. My long-distance boyfriend of only 4 months is a verbal abuser and a controller. He loves to control my every move in a passive aggressive way. I know that I’m in a verbally abusive relationship. Every fight or argument we have is my fault. I'm always trying to "start a fight," and when I tell him I'm not, he insists that I am. He calls me names and his reasoning for that is because I only respond to negativity. In the midst of a fight, I become very quiet and just take it- however that fuels the hurtful things he says. The next day, he "takes it back" and says he said it because I made him mad. He says he "loves me and can't live without me. And that he wants to marry me! He plays sweet and innocent to others, but he's a mean, controlling person. When he explodes he says the meanest cruelest words to me. Why??? Because I added an old friend to my Facebook page!
—Guest LadyVirtue

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