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Readers Respond: Were You A Victim Of Verbal Abuse?

Responses: 352


I Got Out and Will Never Look Back

I was verbally abused for 42 years, my husband is a bully, though he only hit me with words, he's an alcoholic, passed out drunk every night of the year, only to wake up and start on me, picking fights over absolutely nothing, waking up the next day and not remember how he verbally abused me the night before. According to him, I'm the reason he gets angry and why he drinks. No, I'm his 'excuse'. I finally woke up when my adult daughter was visiting and he went off worse than usual. So I grabbed my daughter, left the house, drove 1,000 miles to get away and will never go back. The calls promising me the moon, to please help him are all ploys to gain control of me again. I know, I left him 3 times and went back. Never believe your verbal abuser when he/she makes promises of a better life, it's a lie. Get out, get help, put yourself first, always.
—Guest Cheryl

Survived Girlfriend's Abuse

I was in an abusive relationship for a year...she is divorced and has lived with two (that I know of) men since. I stayed with her on weekends. She accused me of everything from lying, taking advantage of her, leaving pornographic magazines in her kitchen cabinet, entering her apartment when she wasn't home and manipulating her computer. She convinced me that these 'arguments' were normal in relationships (I should 'trust her' as she has had more relationship experience than I), called me degrading names ('pathological liar'), emotionally extorted money from me by assaulting my character and integrity and hitting me with accusations to make me feel like I should give her the money, claimed I was responsible for her getting into an accident when she, driving, bent over to pick up her phone to get a text msg from her daughter...having her 12 y/o daughter text me with insults, making me look like crap to her family and friends by lying and distorting incidents... too much... I need a therapist!

Planning my Get Away!

Im 27 and have been with an abuser 6 years and didn't realize it til now. He wasn't always like this, we were forever, 2 plus years later he gradually got abusive, first complicated put downs, along with raising the volume a little at a time. The first time I'll never forget: "I thought you were at least THAT intelligent!" because I missed a turn I didn't know I had to take. Then he was constantly cutting me off, etc and then some. We both work at the same cab company and it didn't hit me that he was abusive till my customers, coworker and bystanders would notice, not to mention he would embarrass me on the company radio, nice. All this and I hate to leave him to his own poison, what about the next me? My mistake was every time I tried to break up he would threaten to kill himself so I would take it back. Many times and yet, 6 years later I am planning my get away out of state and there won't be any going back. I can't care about someone anymore that obviously doesn't care about me.
—Guest Inching toward the door

Verbal Abuse Hits Hard

Verbal abuse as a defense mechanism of the spouse who may have been hit by psychological trauma and pains in the past relationships can not be justified when used to satisfy to get even with the one you are married to. It is like collecting payments of pains committed by someone else. It is venting ones failures to cover your own inadequacies. Verbal abuse hits so hard specially when extreme accusations no longer square with the reality. Verbal abuses are worse to some degree than physical ones. It destroys the human logic of marriage. It lowers the very essence of life turning it into territorial imperatives akin to animals. A man is easy to entreat for as long as there is no direct attack on his self respect. Those who verbally abuse are psychologically incapacitated to marry. Thus divorce becomes inevitable in this case.

Verbally Abusive Boyfriend

I've been suspicious my boyfriend of 4 years is verbally abusive but so many other things were great about him I stuck around. He's not nearly as evil as some of these men here but it's enough for me to finally realize what's happening. He has control issues, anxiety problems, had a bad relationship with mom etc. There are reasons he is this way and I've made excuses for him to myself. But now I've turned a new leaf. He's a lot worse lately and I finally realize that it does not matter why he does it - I do not want this in my life - period! Some examples: criticizes my clothing choices, hair and friends, I rarely am able to fully express myself or opinions because he talks over me or cuts me off, when I say I'm upset with his behavior he gets angry so I often sweep things under the rug to avoid a big confrontation, he yells at my cats and they are very afraid of him. He is a bully and a controller. We live together but I'm thankfully not married nor have children. It's over.
—Guest Lj


I just turned 60 years old-have been married-but divorced and have been living with a man for 13 years. He is abusive-to say the very least. I hve suffered 2 black eyes, broken ribs and a concussion with him. He is know all-better than me-calls me nutso because I take a low grade anti-depressant...horrible, horrible horrible. Drinks and provokes, turns things around and is relentless-won't back down and it is gruelling having him always verbally abusing me calling me C word-loser ass b----, you name it, I have been called it...And when I back down and won't deal with it--or don't want to deal with the verbal out of fear--he turns EVERYTHING around on me-how I did this-I did that-never taking responsibilty for my actions..Hard ass--condescending, rude-non caring ungracious--OMG! What do I do-we recently bought a home together I have put in so much money to redo it--I can't walk away-I think I should-but I guess I am too headstrong to leave and give this puke everything-

Not Married to my Abuser

60 years old this year-He drinks himself into oblivion-then verbally attacks me. Don't know what to do at this point-We aren't married-but been together 13 years. Tired, sad, feel so berated and betrayed. Not sure what to do at this point...please pray for me--thanks

He Said I Needed To Work Harder

My then husband of 18 years told me I would have been happier had I applied myself harder to our marriage. I gave birth to 3 children and raised them, cooked, cleaned, did laundry, shoveled snow, served in the military, got out of the military to support his career, earned a bachelor's degree, and my day started at 4 am by getting him up at 6:30 a.m. so he could get ready for work. I got the kids up, got them fed, dropped them off at school, and got to work by 8:00 a.m. He would get off work at 4:30 go home and watch television. I got off work at 5:00 picked kids up from after school care, got home started dinner at 6:00, served him dinner in the bedroom so he coyld watch television in peace. I then cleaned up kitchen, washed the kids and settled for bed. Cleaned house until 10 or 11 and then tried to get sleep. No, it was my duty to then take care of his needs or in his words I must be cheating because if I wasn't getting it at home I was getting it elsewhere! He said I would be happier if I had only worked harder at our marriage. I left!

Struggling But Surviving

I recently ended a 19 year marriage. Before we even married he accused me of cheating and throughout our marriage he accused me of cheating on him multiple times. When I did not behave as he wanted me to he threatened me with divorce, he yelled, he screamed, but never physically hit me. When I attempted to leave him in 2006 he told me I could go live in a ditch for all he cared but I was not leaving the house with his kids. I was so depressed I almost drove my car into the river. I constantly walked around on egg shells so as to not upset him. He used to call his mom and ex-wife names when we were dating. Anytime I talked about taking a trip with my sister he said I was selfish and not thinking about him or the kids. If I did not print out the bank statement every Sunday and go over it with him line by line than I was hiding money from him, the password and user name was by the computer. My opinions to him were always shallow and I needed to show him more respect. I finally had enough!

I Need a Good Therapist!

I have known for a while that my husband is controlling and verbally abusive, but I have not had the strength to do anything about it. The other day my 6 year old daughter says to me in front of my husband, "why does daddy yell at you all the time?" This has been a big wake up call and now I am convinced that I need to seek help. Where to start???
—Guest looking for answers

I'm Leaving my Abusive Husband!

My husband verbally abused me for 13 years plus. He talks to me like I'm an animal, he disrespected me in front of everyone. I know what he's gonna say before he says it, he calls me ugly, he tells me his family hates me, he texts other women in front of me. He tells me he wishes he would not have married me. There is so much I don't even have the space for everything. He treat my child like he hates her. We try so hard to please him but he doesn't care. His birthday was the other day, we bought him a nice card and a gift and when we gave it to him he put it on the dresser and did not open it. Do you know how that made us feel? I now feel like I have to be strong for me and my child so I need the strength to leave and never look back so please help me I need help. Come on ladies let's stick together let's support each other, we cant take it no more. I'm leaving!
—Guest meme

Twenty Eight Years of Verbal Abuse

The physical & emotional abuse started, literally the day after the wedding. I woke up married to a different man. The physical abuse stopped when he stopped drinking. The verbal abuse has gone on for the entire 28 years. Nothing I do is right. According to him I have slept with every man I have ever known. I am not permitted to talk to any man including any I ever went to school with, not even my foster brother. I was raped by my stepfather when I was 17 and he tells me that because I didn't call the police I wanted it and encouraged him. He uses this by telling me he'll tell everyone how I "slept with" my dad. He was never really involved in my kids activities but of course I did it all wrong. My clothes are never right, because I am 48 and try to look attractive(to make myself feel better) he says I am trying to look like a teenager and attract other men. He has alienated every friend I have ever had, made me lose every job I ever had, and alienated my family. I'm ready to live in my car!

I'm Not Strong Enough to Leave my Abuser

It all started out with stupid b++ch. It went from you don't clean the house enough to pushing me. How am I not strong enough to leave? I am the blame for his problems, there all my fault. I don't know how such a nice guy turned crazy?
—Guest Margo

Abusive Husband Loves His Ex-Wife

I am in a long-distance second marriage. We've been together for six years. When we were first together, he used to tell me how I could never be to him what his first wife was. He'd get drunk and cry about her. I was recently divorced as well, and sympathesized--except I did not want to go back to my ex. Somehow, I have stayed, probably because he always apologizes, but he ALWAYS puts me down again. Mostly, he accuses me of affairs. I've probably been accused no fewer than 40 times of having sex with other men--even my son's foreign exchange student. He is Chicano and frequently says derogatory things about white men and white women (white women are kinkier than other women, apparently). The worst part is that he constantly, even in the middle of an ordinary conversation, tells me that I don't love him enough, that I don't help him, that I only married him for money, that I don't care about him, that I act like a bitch, that I have psychological problems, that I am cruel.
—Guest Sarah

Planning My Exit!

All through the 35yr marriage, my husband has been verbally abusive. Name calling, belittling, constantly correcting, interrupting, taking his mothers side when she attacks me. What has changed? I no longer care for him, I no longer trust or believe him, I know what he will say and do before it happens so he has no power. I am financially not able to leave right now, but have a long term plan. Only a matter of time now.
—Guest Sue

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